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Further Your Lifestyle
Further Your Lifestyle
EP. 169 - Overcome Self-Sabotage and Own Your Life| Further Your Lifestyle Podcast
WATCH HERE: https://youtu.be/QRH5HcC4xuE
Welcome back to the Further Your Lifestyle podcast with your host Chris! In episode 169, Chris dives into the topic of 'Stop Kidding Yourself', inspired by his own battles with self-doubt and imposter syndrome. This episode focuses on getting out of your own way, avoiding self-sabotage, and taking accountability for your actions. Chris discusses essential strategies for overcoming internal obstacles, building self-belief, visualizing your future self, and taking control of what you can control. Tune in for practical advice, reflection points, and a motivational boost to help you take ownership of your life. Enjoy and don't forget to share, like, and subscribe!
00:00 Welcome to Further Your Lifestyle Podcast
00:12 Introduction to Episode 169: Stop Kidding Yourself
01:49 Getting Out of Your Own Way
05:04 Identifying Self-Sabotage
08:45 Becoming Your Future Self
11:02 Taking Responsibility and Accountability
15:25 Controlling What You Can Control
19:18 Owning Your Life
24:16 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
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Yo yo yo. Welcome back to the Further your Lifestyle podcast conversations on lifestyle passions and hustles. My name's Chris, I am your host and I'm super excited to be back here having the conversation with you. In today's episode, which is episode 169, we're actually talking about the topic of stop kidding yourself. Right, this one comes from my own personal frustrations, because probably in the last couple of weeks actually this entire year there's been a lot of doubt, a lot of struggle with imposter syndrome, things where maybe I'm just getting in the way of myself, and I feel like this is such a great conversation to have because I don't think I'm the only one that experiences it and this year I've really taken a big focus on making sure that I've got my mental health in the right position. That leads from a stem of different things being on YouTube, getting comments and things like that, but also trusting your gut and knowing is this going to work out? Then maybe seeing others being more successful or maybe thinking that they're more successful. It's not about comparing to anyone else, but we do tend to get ourselves stuck in those situations. I know I do. So I want to talk about that today and we're going to be touching on a few different points in this episode about getting out of your own way, how to stop self-sabotaging, be the person that you want to be in the future, taking responsibility and accountability of not blaming anyone else for the reason of why you're in the situation that you're in taking control of what you can control and then owning it, totally owning it. That's what we're talking about today getting out of our own way. And yeah, if this sounds like something that someone else might enjoy, make sure you do share it with them. Make sure you sit back, relax, get cozy and enjoy another episode of the Further your Lifestyle podcast. Let's get into it. Roll the intro podcast let's get into it. Roll the intro.
Speaker 1:So point number one that I want to talk about today is getting out of our own way. A lot of the time, we are the biggest obstacles, we are our biggest victims of why we cannot make the progress forward. We are the reasons why and a lot of the time, we need to get out of our own way, and sometimes that's because we do self-sabotage or we put things in place. But there are some reflection points that we can start to question or ask ourselves around. Maybe there is some science, maybe there is some things that we can identify of why we are doing this, and the first one is what are the recurring patterns in my behavior or in your behavior that hinder your progress? What are the things that you do? You know you do that you know you shouldn't be doing? Those are the things you need to address to get yourself out of your way.
Speaker 1:What about this one? When was the last time that you let fear or self-doubt stop you from actually taking the next step, because you were too scared to do it, or fear took over, or you didn't think you were capable of doing it? This happens all the time. Now there's a difference between being sensible and being cautious around, maybe due to a situation, but if it's just fear-based, purely fear-based, then maybe that's something we need to really reconsider. And then this other one was what about small, sorry?
Speaker 1:What small changes can I make today to start getting out of my own way? You don't need to go cold turkey If you want to lose weight. You don't have to start starving yourself and don't eat any more food. But what are the small things that you can do? We spoke about this in an episode not that long ago, whereas maybe it's making a decision to do something on a consistent basis so you don't have to do a lot of hard work later, rather than eating five donuts a week, having one donut a week, and then you don't have to do those big workouts to try and get rid of those calories. So things like that.
Speaker 1:Now there are a couple of questions that we can ask ourselves. When we do find ourselves getting in the way of ourselves, that's a lot of ourselves. So when we do find ourselves getting in the way of ourselves, that's a lot of ourselves. So here are some of the questions what am I avoiding and why am I avoiding it?
Speaker 1:Sometimes this comes down to because we're just scared that we won't succeed. This is a big one for me. Sometimes I'm scared because what will other people think? Or what if I don't make it? What happens if it doesn't happen in the time that I want it to happen? Really, nothing really happens other than you just got to do a bit more work, or it's going to take longer than you expected.
Speaker 1:If it meant that you had to do one extra month, what does it really mean in terms of? Is it going to be life-changing? Does it really make a difference overall If you're trying to build something for 10 years, if you're trying to build a business that will be sustaining for a minimum of 10 years, it's going to take 10 years to do it. You can't do it in one year. Understanding that these things will take time. You've got to learn the experience, you've got to learn the lessons, you've got to put in the reps, all those different things.
Speaker 1:Another question we can ask ourselves is how would my life change if I stopped holding myself back? Reflect on a time, maybe, when you actually did do something, when you were a bit scared to do it. How good was it after right? How good was it? There you go? So imagine if you didn't hold yourself back all these times. And the other one is maybe ask yourself who can support you in breaking these self-imposed barriers. Is there someone that can keep you accountable, someone that can call you out? Someone that can keep you honest? See if they can help you.
Speaker 1:The next point we're going to talk about is why do you self-sabotage? It usually stems from the fear of failure. It usually stems from the fear of success, or it's deeply ingrained negative beliefs about ourselves. We're just not confident. We lack the confidence because of what people have said to us, maybe in the past, maybe we've never gained that self-confidence, or maybe we're just too scared because maybe, again, maybe we're worried what people will think, maybe we think we are a failure and we have this negative perspective about it all. So some reflection things that we can take into account.
Speaker 1:Here is one what triggers you to get into this self-sabotaging behavior? Maybe sometimes we put things off to the last minute to then rush do them because we don't want to do them. But that doesn't always necessarily solve the problem, because then you are rushing and then maybe you don't actually have enough time to complete it because we keep putting it off, because it's the hard work that we have to do, so we self-sabotage. Or maybe you know you're meant to be doing something else, so you deliberately do something else as a side quest to make yourself feel productive, but you don't actually need to be doing that and that is not actually productive because it's not actually the thing you need to be doing to get you to where you need to be. It's a lot. So that's the first one.
Speaker 1:The second one is how do you feel, right before the sabotage of your own efforts comes in? Right? I think there's a moment there where you're like I should be doing this, I shouldn't be doing that, I just got to get over this hump. But we lapse or we fall into the old habits, or we fall into the ways of getting in the way of ourselves. So think about those moments. The other one is, then, what past experiences might be influencing this pattern. Is there something we need to go deal with? Is there something that we need to address? Is there something that we need to let go of? Most likely there is.
Speaker 1:So a couple of questions we can ask ourself when it comes to self-sabotage is what am I afraid of if I succeed? What really happens if you're too scared to, let's say, you want to invest $1,000 into your business? What happens if you don't succeed? You lose $1,000 into your business. What happens if you don't succeed? You lose $1,000. That's the worst thing that can happen. You lose that $1,000, right. But what's the worst thing that happens if it works out? There's no downside. There is no downside. Maybe you have to do more work, but that's part of the process. So when we take that into account, you start to think it's only really the fear of not succeeding that scares us. But if you do succeed, then it's okay, right? I don't know, I can't come up with anything. What's so bad about finding the success that you want?
Speaker 1:The next question is then how can I replace the negative thoughts with positive affirmations? This is a tough one To be able to replace that like that. It's not going to be that simple. You do need to rebuild that reinforcement of positivity, finding ways to tap yourself on the back and say well done, mate, right. Finding ways to reward yourself, and I think the best way to do this is to celebrate the small wins as you make progress, document it, treat yourself, reward yourself and make sure you become proud of what you do. Own it Now. The other one for self-sabotage. The other question that we can ask ourselves is what steps can I take to build a stronger self-belief? I think, if you've got issues, identifying those issues. Stop denying them, work on those right and then work on doing small amounts of things that you are scared of doing Stepping out of your comfort zone, getting comfortable to being uncomfortable, trying new things and then realizing that you are capable. For me, when I go running, sometimes, even though I've done the run a hundred times, sometimes you have the doubt that am I capable of doing this? But you push through, you get it done and you show yourself that you are more than capable.
Speaker 1:The next topic was be the person you want to be in the future. The idea of this one is you want to visualize your future self today, the person that you aspire to become, the person that you want to be in 5, 10, however long, it is, years away. What habits, what skills, what mindset, how do they live? What's the lifestyle that they have? And when we start to think about that, we can reflect on what are the qualities and the habits that my future self has. So, if that's what they have, then how are we going to get to those? Let's start working on those today. And also, how can I start incorporating these qualities into my daily life now? As I just said, how do we bring them into play? How do we start to implement them? How do we start to make them part of our lives?
Speaker 1:The other thing is, then what small, consistent actions can I take today to move towards that vision? And that's all it really comes down to is if you want to be somewhere, or you want to experience something, or you want to be known for something, whatever it is. Whatever that future thing is, what are you doing today that gets you closer towards that, whatever it is? So some questions we can ask ourselves in this area is one who do I admire and what can I learn from them? Right Now? In this case, we want to be a better version of ourself. We don't want to be someone else, but it does help us understand who do we admire. So then we can think those are the kind of traits that we want to see in our own life and we can reflect on that, because we don't know who we'll be in the future, down to the detail. But there are qualities and things that we can see around, from the people around us, and understand that.
Speaker 1:Okay, I want to be able to have the time to be able to spend it with my family. So how do I build that into my life from now? Because it's too hard to build it in once you're there. You need to build it in from day dot, right? What does my ideal day look like in the future? Jot it down, write it out. How much are you earning? How do you live your life? What do you do? What's your family look like? Where do you live All these different things? What does an ideal day look like in the future? And the third question to ask yourself is how can I align my current actions to my long-term goals? And it really does come back to this is does this today, what I'm doing today, get me closer to where I want to be in the future? Now, that might be one year, two years, five years, 10 years, could be six months, it could be one month, but the idea is, as long as we're doing things that gets us towards those bigger aspirations, then there's nothing to worry about.
Speaker 1:The next big point is no one else is to blame. This one is a. This is a big one to swallow, right? Because accountability is crucial when it comes to all these things. Yes, while there are many external factors that impact our lives and, ultimately, how things can come to life or how and ultimately how things can come to being like they're out of our control, but we are responsible for our choices and we are responsible for our actions. So, in this case, some of the things we need to really reflect on are in what areas of my life am I currently placing blame on others, right? And if you're blaming others because of things that aren't working out. You need to really take a long, hard look at yourself, because I guarantee you, yeah, you might blame other people, but you're blaming them. Why? Because you didn't do something else. Maybe you didn't communicate with them. That's your fault, not theirs. It's their fault because they didn't know, but it's your fault that they didn't know. Actually, like they don't know what they don't know. Yeah, that's on them, but they don't know that they could have known and you could have told them. Right? You see my point. How does shifting blame impact my ability to grow and improve?
Speaker 1:When we take accountability of our actions and the things that we do, whether they have a good result or a bad result, it builds our character, it builds our experience and it helps us then make better decisions for the future. Take ownership for what you do, do things with confidence and, when things don't go well, stand up for them. Take ownership for them right, understand why maybe you need to make a change. The other thing is then what benefits do I gain by taking full responsibility of my actions? I think it's a growth thing. It's a personal growth thing when we understand that we are not perfect. Sorry, sorry for any of those that are listening and think they're perfect. You're not I, that we are not perfect, sorry. Sorry for any of those that are listening and think they're perfect. You're not. I'm not perfect.
Speaker 1:I make so many mistakes and I hate making mistakes, but when you do make mistakes, you got to take full responsibility of them. A good example of this is in the business. When I sell something and maybe something wasn't right even if I don't agree with them and for them maybe it comes across as worse than it really was I need to take responsibility for that. I can't. If something rocks up and it's got a huge, big stain on it and there was a photo of it, but I didn't call it out. Yeah, yeah, they were responsible to actually have a look at the photo. But at the same time, if they don't like it, I'm accountable and saying okay, you don't want it and I don't want you to be disappointed. Yeah, maybe they didn't read the thing in full detail, but maybe it's not as good as they expected. Give them a refund. Work with them to resolve it in a kind manly way. Yeah, maybe they just want to return it. Maybe they want a refund.
Speaker 1:Don't shift the blame necessarily on them. Yes, they do need to come to the party and own up to their own mistakes. Maybe they weren't good enough, but at the same time, we're human. None of us are going to be perfect. I'll make a mistake, you'll make a mistake. How do we get through those mistakes together? And I think by taking responsibility you just remove the stress. You remove all this unneeded and unwanted extra pressure in our lives. We don't need that extra pressure in our lives. We don't need that.
Speaker 1:So some of the questions we can ask ourselves in the area of blaming others is what can I learn from situations where I felt others were to blame? I think it gives you a chance to take a big hard look at yourself and understand is there something that I could have done better here? Why are they in this position, even though they might've done something? Could I have done something that had enabled us to avoid having this conversation or avoid being in this situation? I think that's the key one.
Speaker 1:Number two is how can I take control of my narrative and outcomes? Look, if something doesn't go the way it planned, take ownership of it and explain why it happened. Sometimes it could be just because you I'm not saying make excuses why it happened. Sometimes it could be just because you. I'm not saying make excuses, I'm trying to make sure that you do take ownership, you understand why that has occurred and take control of the narrative, own the outcome as well. The other question we can ask is what actions can I take to resolve issues rather than assigning blame? This one is really important. Get out on the forefront, be ahead of the game. Don't wait until something pops up and then we realize there is an issue to then start assigning blames or trying to avoid ownership. Take ownership, get it dealt with, fix it, because it's going to show that you are a better leader or a better version of yourself by taking ownership and dealing with the consequences, rather than trying to shove it under a mat and hide it. It just doesn't work out in the long run.
Speaker 1:The next one is take control of what you can control. As I said before, there are many things in life which we're, they're out of our control. We can't do anything about them. So we need to really ask ourselves, or reflect on these points around, what aspects of our life are within my control and which ones are not. Take the what we can control and make that a priority the stuff we can't control. There's no point even worrying about it. How can we manage, mitigate those things, maybe handle them, monitor them, build resilience around them, but if we can't control them, focus on the stuff you can control. How can I shift focus on things I can influence? This one comes over time and it's about letting go and knowing that. Okay, hands are tied. Therefore, there's no point in me getting my hands dirty. We spend so much time I know I do personally spend so much time raring about things that are out of our control.
Speaker 1:How many times during the pandemic did people complain about governments, complain about people not doing a good enough job? A lot of that is out of our control. Yes, you can vote, but the reality is there's never going to be a perfect situation in terms of them making the best decisions for you. They're going to try and make the best decisions for everyone. That is somewhat out of our control. So you can rant on about it, you can complain about it, but it's something you cannot control. Now, maybe it's something smaller and maybe it's a confrontational conversation that needs to happen and address something that occurred with someone else. Go have that conversation. You can control that. You can't control what they say, but you can step up and start to have the conversation and address the issue. But again, you can have control over what you say to them, but you cannot control what they say to you.
Speaker 1:What habits or routines can I implement to better manage my responses to these challenges? I think setting in a bit of a playbook or a bit of an approach of how you want to handle things. When things do go south, how are you addressing it? What are you doing? How are you going to step in and make sure that you are responding to these situations better? Of course they do come very fluid. They're unpredictable, maybe they're not planned for. So it does make it difficult to be on top of those kinds of things. But I think we can set in a level of expectation into our mind space or head space that when these moments do arise, know how to separate them out and fall back into this plan of okay, this we can't control, this we can control. So what am I going to do about it and what can I do about it?
Speaker 1:Today, questions we can ask yourself is what small, manageable steps can I take to address the current problems? Again, if there's problems, what can you put into place to mitigate, to push back, to build that defense around you Defense just being a metaphor, but also for the things that we can control, such as our attitude, how we look at it. Are we going to be positive about it? And I'm not saying being positive for the sake of being positive, but don't let the negativity rule your world. How can I improve my responses to situations beyond my control? It really comes down to attitude how you react, how you're influencing what your thoughts are on this to other people. Are you bringing people down? Are you bringing the situation down? Are you bringing some positivity to the conversation? Are you trying to be constructive? Are you trying to help people realize that maybe this isn't the best thing to be focusing our time on? But let's focus our time on the things that we can control.
Speaker 1:And then the other thing is what can I do today to make a positive impact on my future? Do not waste time on things you cannot control and that are not even going to be relevant to you in 10 years time. If this does not get you closer to where you want to be, it's not something that you should be dealing with. I'm speaking to myself just as much here, but the reality is we do get fixated on things because we get hit in the moment. We have emotions, I get it, but they're definitely things that we should reevaluate and understand. If this is not relevant to where I want to be, it's probably not worth my time. The final point of all this conversation is own it. It's probably not worth my time. The final point of all this conversation is own it, absolutely own it. When we get out of our own way, when we stop kidding ourselves, when we actually take ownership of our lives will change.
Speaker 1:And the best way we can do this first is one what achievements are you proud of and how did you contribute to them? Take ownership of them, stand behind them in confidence, knowing, yeah, there's nothing worse than people saying, oh yeah, go do this, oh yeah, but if something stuffs up, it's not my fault, right? I think that's a given right. You can give advice, you can give experience, you can share knowledge, you can share tips because of your achievements or your experience or what you've done in the past. How someone else goes, implements that, that's not on you. If someone comes back and says, oh, you told me to do it this way. I told you how I did it in the past. This is how it's worked for me Doesn't mean it's going to work exactly the same for someone else. Don't let other people bring down your achievements, because maybe it's not as good as what they expect, but if it's the best you've done at that point in time, that, but if it's the best you've done at that point in time, that is something to be proud of.
Speaker 1:The next one is how have I learned and grown from my past failures? This one we should be reflecting on a regular basis. We spoke about rose thorn bud just the other week. And how do we bring that into our life and understanding what are the things that we're struggling with, what are the challenges that we've had? So how do we leverage those to then learn better for the future? Right Understand the lessons. I do this on a weekly basis for my business. I talk about the things that I'm learning, the things in real time, and when you reflect on those things, you're able to make better decisions down the line because you know how to handle situations as they arise. So take the lessons, apply the lessons and do better. That's as simple as it is.
Speaker 1:What does taking full ownership of my life look like. What does that look like for you? Now, I don't have the answer for that, but it's going to be different for everyone. It might be owning up to things, it might be taking accountability, speaking yourself up in confidence, being positive about yourself, knowing that what other people think it does not matter. I guarantee half the time they're probably not even thinking about you. We have this misconception that people are thinking about oh, what do I look like? Oh, what are they going to think about me? Even if they do for three seconds, they've probably moved on and they're probably then thinking the same thing about themselves or what someone else is thinking about them. Or people just don't care. They've got their own problems right. Or they're thinking about what they're doing for dinner, or they're thinking about their partner, or they're thinking about I've got to get to work. They've got their own stresses. It really, really is none of their concern, and it should be none of your concern of what they're thinking.
Speaker 1:Focus on taking ownership of your life. Who cares what other people think? Just to be frank, I'm saying this and I know it's not easy because there's so many things that I struggled with this in area but you do need to take ownership. When I stepped up into my business, taking ownership of what I'm doing I'm not telling you how to be the best reseller in the world. I'm telling you how I'm becoming a better version of myself in my reselling space or in my business. That's all I can do. I've taken ownership of that and I'm thriving, absolutely thriving.
Speaker 1:The questions to ask yourself around owning it is one. How can I celebrate my successes more effectively If you do not celebrate your wins, if you do not give yourself a way to be happy and reward yourself? Find a way to do it. What lessons have I learned from setbacks that can propel me forward? Every lesson should have an outcome or something that you can take action from to help you move forward. When you do that, you're owning the situations. You're owning those lessons, those moments, and you're able to apply them to help you become a better version of yourself. And the last question to ask yourself is how can I take more initiative in areas where I've been passive?
Speaker 1:One thing that I really am really bold on, or bullish on, is not becoming compliant and we'll be talking about this in another podcast. Coming up about making sure that we don't become complacent. I've spoken about this before, but the next topic will be about having that carrot in front of us. To chase that carrot. When I get comfortable, when things are just average, it means usually I'm getting complacent. I like to have something in front of me, dangling me, working me towards it, because I know it's stretching me, it's pushing me into new realms of what I've never been in before. So find ways to do that for yourself.
Speaker 1:It doesn't have to be big stuff. It can be small, little things. It might be reading a book a little extra more every day, spending some time exercising. It might be meeting up with more people and networking. It may just be doing the things you keep putting off right. Own it, take ownership. And I guarantee you, when you do this, when you get out of your own way, when you stop self-sabotaging, when you be the person you want to be and when you stop putting the blame on others and when you take control of what you can control, you will own your life, absolutely own your life. But I also understand that this is so easier said than done. With that, if you want to continue the conversation, drop a message down below in the comments on the YouTube.
Speaker 1:If you've been listening to this, jump over to the YouTube and let's have the chat, because this is not an easy feat, right? It's very easy for me to sit here and say all these things, but all these things I'm working on myself. All these things I struggle with, all these things I can do better on, but there's levels of them which I'm really good at and levels of them which I'm really bad at. So help each other. Find someone that you can connect with, that you can bounce ideas off, that you can keep each other accountable with Because I'm not saying you should do this alone. You can, because we're capable of doing that, but most of the time we have struggles mentally dealing with this self-sabotage, being confident, getting out of our way. Speak to someone, find someone that can tell you the honest truth, with love. That's going to keep you moving forward. I really encourage you. Now.
Speaker 1:If this sounds like something that has resonated with you, or maybe it might resonate with someone else, please share this episode, send it to them. It would mean the absolute world to me. If you've enjoyed this, subscribe. If this is the first time being here, subscribe. Hit the like button as well. We have new episodes every week at 9am and, for those that have been here for the long term, really do appreciate you.
Speaker 1:We've also got a number of sponsors as well. You can see them down in the description below of the podcast. They do just pay a monthly fee just help keep the lights on, and I really do appreciate the love. Folks, it means absolute world to me. If you want to get involved, you can press join on the YouTube channel, on my YouTube channel, cl Furlong, and you can become a sponsor, podcast sponsor, or you could just become a member and that keeps the lights on. Regardless, really do appreciate you being here. I hope you've enjoyed this content. I'm speaking to myself, really, in this episode and that's why I do these episodes, because it is me trying to also further my lifestyle too. Appreciate being here. You have a wonderful day, cheers.
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