Mista Pierre's Fortified 45s Show
Mista Pierre's Fortified 45s Show
Mista Pierre's Fortified 45s Show - Season 3 Ep 2 with Leeanne Adu
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When the clock strikes midnight on your 39th birthday, it’s not just another year ticked off; it’s a heralding in of a new era, brimming with opportunities just waiting to be seized. And that's precisely the vibe Leenanne Adu brings to this episode of Fortified 45s. Armed with a bucket list dreams and the wisdom gleaned from personal and professional evolution through the years. Her laughter is infectious, her stories, a vibrant tapestry of a life lived with gusto, and her forward-looking mindset is a beacon for anyone at the crossroads of a new decade.
Join us as we lace up for an episode that's as much about pacing the marathon of life as it is about the strength found in numbers. We sprint through the transformative arc from hesitant jogger to proud marathoner, and we see how a good crew can be both your cheerleading squad and your anchor.
Leanne's Chosen Choons
No Limit - 2 Unlimited
No No No Pt2 - Destiny's Child
21 Seconds - So Solid Crew
Non Stop - Hamilton Soundtrack
Alien Superstar - Beyoncé
Hosts: Mista Pierre
Producer: Mista Pierre
Mista Pierre's Fortified 45s Website
Mista Pierre's Instagram
Here Come the Girls Girls, girls, girls, girls. Here come the girls. Girls, girls, girls, girls. Lookin' so good it's a doggone shame that they couldn't all be mine. Lookin' so pretty, it's a doggone pity. Oh, lookin' so fine. Look how I love her. Let me get real. A little closer to the one I love. Anything better than the opposite sex they must have kept it. Here come the girls. Girls, Girls, girls. Here come the girls, girls, Girls. I can live without coffee, I can live without tea and I'm living without the honeybee. On a business day I can leave a take, but the girls are a part of me. And oh water, I don't need no lemonade. But to live without girls, I can't live without girls. Like a man with a hole in his head. Here come the girls, here come the girls, here come the girls. Here come the girls, girls, girls, girls, girls. Here come the girls. Girls, girls, girls, girls.
Speaker 1:Going out of my head While the foxes do their thing. Make me feel so good inside, I got to jump up and sing Na na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na na, woo-hoo. Make me feel so good inside I got to jump up and sing Ah Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na. Oh, I'm not saying I can live or live alone, oh, but that's the only thing that turned me on. Oh, I was born to be free as a wolf. Freedom of choice rang that bell. Give all the girls to me. Here come the girls, girls, girls, girls. Here come the girls, girls, girls, girls. Here come the girls. Here come the girls. No, lemon, no, here come the girls, girls here come the girls.
Speaker 2:Hello everybody, welcome to.
Speaker 3:I'm going to look at you like this. No, don't look at me like that.
Speaker 2:Hello everybody, welcome to 45 to 45,. My name is Mr Pierre. Today we have a wonderful, wonderful guest. I'll tell you who she is in a minute. Usually we have lots of guests from media, literature, etc. Etc. Today we'd like to have everyday people on the show as well. She's far from an everyday woman. However, that's who she is. She's smiling at me now and getting bigged up already. It's also her birthday today, let everybody know.
Speaker 3:Happy birthday, Leanna Dew. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 2:How are you feeling being a birthday girl?
Speaker 3:first of all, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling very, very, very good. I love a birthday, is it have you?
Speaker 2:had a jump up already. Is that gonna come? It's gonna come later. Oh lord, let me tell you something, people, she knows how to party. She's been on tiktok having a little drinking business going on. We love her for all that, but you're good, you're in a good, good shape. Yeah for 24, 24, what's, what's?
Speaker 3:going on for 2024 for you do you know what I'm so excited for this year? It's going to be the last year of my 30s. I'm 39 today and I'm just really looking forward to ticking off my bucket list, to continuing to feel growth at work, in my personal life and just keep thriving really more than anything that's good, that's good.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about how we first met. Let's start with that, shall we?
Speaker 3:yeah, so I don't know how long ago it was. It's at least six years, scary um.
Speaker 3:When we met at run them crew when I was leading, it probably would have been one of the slightly slower paced running groups I'm not gonna lie so, for context, run them crew was founded by charlie dark, who I'm sure a lot of people listening to this will know, but is a poet, a dj, a rapper, musician, an all-round amazing, inspirational man he is, and he founded run them crew um gosh, however many years ago now, and he just brings together people, people from all walks of life, to run, and you put aside anything that you've got going on and you run and it doesn't matter how fast you are, how slow you are, you run, um.
Speaker 3:And so run them crew west was a spin-off of that, from a guy called a bit beefy cory, and that was we used to meet at paddock and recon I think it might have been a thursday, and so I used to go there. And then I started going on the tuesdays and and yeah, we would have met at run them crew. You came along and joined us and I feel like we just clicked. Really we did. Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's my first day there, I didn't know Charlie Dark, who we're still trying to get on this show, so you know, help me speak to him, have a word with him please, I'll have a word.
Speaker 2:And you made me feel really welcome. Thank you very much. Distance running before, ultimately, I did the london marathon. Can you believe it? Um, so I mean, it's not ultimately your fault, but thank you for getting me into running and making me feel comfortable and, um, you know, I felt good, warm fruit from you, and you went on to do wonderful things which we're going to talk about. So, um, that's why I've got you on the show, but thank you for making me feel wonderful and, um, I want to bring you up on the show and we just talk about that journey. You're up with that. I'm all right with that, thank you. Now, where should we start? Should we start with the first tune, or yeah?
Speaker 3:we'll start with the first tune.
Speaker 2:We're taking it back, way back yeah, yeah, we'll start with the first tune now. I'm not going to play too much of this tune because I think we get the gist of it fairly, because I don't think lyrically it's got that much to worry about, but let's just drop it. It's so ridiculous, thank you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Tell us about this tune. Why is this one of your 4545s?
Speaker 3:for a start. Yeah, so that's no Limit, by 2, unlimited, thank you. And obviously I'm a young spring chicken. But when I was younger so my dad was in the army we moved around a lot and we lived in Northern Ireland, and Northern Ireland was a very different place in the late 80s, early 90s, and I was a very different person. Obviously I was a child, but my personality was very different and I remember that we moved to Northern Ireland.
Speaker 3:It was a huge culture shock for me. There was a lot of racism, there were a lot of racist incidents, but we were also living in a time that was quite dangerous, and so there were times where I was um traveling to school, would go to school, would have to have armed soldiers on our bus. There were times where we couldn't leave the barracks because there were dangers on the road ahead. There was a lot, a lot of you know um turmoil going on.
Speaker 3:But that particular song takes me right back to when I was about five years old and we had like a community center where we used to go to yeah, and they used to have discos and they had a disco there and I just remember dancing my heart out and it was a competition.
Speaker 3:I won my first ever dancing competition and that was my prize. I won a record and it was that song and it stayed with me forever, because I'm sure my mum still got the record at home as well. It just reminds me of a time when you know, we're young, we're carefree, we're kids, we're dancing, we're having a good time despite all the things that are happening around us, like we were aware. I was aware that we weren't in a place that was particularly safe to live and we only ended up living there for about nine months in the end, but that song always just reminds me of that disco, feeling really shy. And then, all of a sudden, I've won this dancing competition. It's the only, I mean, I'll be honest, it's probably the only record I've owned, but it was the first record that I'd owned excellent, was it on vinyl?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah all right, that was excellent. So were you actually born in Northern?
Speaker 3:Ireland. Were you born in London or no? I was born in West Berlin, right, okay then, seriously, I was born in west berlin, it wasn't. It wasn't berlin, it was west berlin. So it's before the war came down wow and yeah, I was born in a british military hospital. My dad was stationed over there me my mom, my sister and my dad and that's where I was born.
Speaker 2:So can you take a german citizenship as a result of that? Basically?
Speaker 3:everyone always asks that question I was born on brit, a British military hospital, british soil Is that how it? Works. Yeah, Otherwise you'd have children who were stationed all over the world due to their army parents being able to claim citizenship wherever their parents were stationed.
Speaker 2:So I worked in Lisbon, which is in Northern Ireland as well, for a while in Margolies barracks as well, and that was after all the troubles. But there was still some remediation work to do, let's say, and we had some minimum escort. So I got the back of that, what you're saying, but you're probably there in the mix. Were you fairly young there, but were you aware of the level of the danger there, or did you just feel it and just got on with it.
Speaker 3:I remember it. I remember there being we'd have to have our school buses searched. They would be searching them every single time. We left and came back in um, and now, when I think back, like that must have been so terrifying for our parents to know that you're sending your children out with armed escorts. We had to have armed soldiers on the buses with us in case something happened. How scary must that have been for me as a child. I was oblivious, pretty much. It didn't feel exciting, but it didn't feel terrifying or anything like that.
Speaker 3:Um, and then every so often things would go into lockdown and you know, I don't remember really leaving the barracks, apart from to go to school. Yeah, but yeah, it wasn't. It felt just like this is a normal part of life. This is just what's. What's going on.
Speaker 2:I was too young to understand yeah, and in terms of the racism, sadly were you too young to remember that, or we just saw retrospectively no, I remember it.
Speaker 3:Um, I remember one particular child who was horrifically racist to me often and I remember just feeling because, if I'm honest in my life, that's probably one of the only times I've felt like overt racism. You know, I've had microaggressions, I've had all sorts of things, but that's the only time I really remember someone calling me names because of the colour of my skin. Not even the correct names. You know we're talking the P words. Okay, now, I'm not a mixed race, so I'm quite fair, but I'm not Get the insult right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah so I'm quite fair, yeah, but I'm, I'm not get the insult right. Yeah, yeah, um, and yeah, I remember one time he tried to strangle me with a tape measure, which I, like didn't think of was that traumatic, but I remember telling my mom and that was quite a big deal, um, you know like evil little children, yeah where does that come?
Speaker 2:from I'm sorry to say that.
Speaker 3:So you're mixed race your mum's from english and your dad's from yeah, my mum's english, as far back as we know we've never done one of those ancestry things. My dad's parents were jamaican. They came over in the 60s um, had my dad and yeah I see dad's born here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, dad was born here right, and he joined the army and then travel around. Did you take any other creepy places, or was it just that you can remember?
Speaker 3:yeah, I mean nowhere particularly exciting colchester folkston stop it now you know really really hot, hot places um palm trees are plenty right, and then we sort of settled everywhere was always in the uk um, and then we settled in canterbury for a few years and my mum and I moved to London when I was 12.
Speaker 2:Right, are you a South London girl? Now I am now. I was in North.
Speaker 3:West London for the longest time. Oh, shocking behaviour. But you're South London now. Yeah, south London now About 10 years. More than that, 15 years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you haven't got a London. London accent hard.
Speaker 3:You've got quite a neutral accent yeah, yeah yeah, I used to get and again, like talking about kind of overt and covert racism, yeah, I'd go into jobs like oh, you're very accentless, like how do you want me to talk? How would you like me to talk? Great point. So yeah, but I have, I think, probably because I spent most of my childhood in kent, yes, and then moved to london, like in my early teens, what was?
Speaker 2:that like moving back to london, where everything was.
Speaker 3:There's more colour diversity it was such a culture shock in all honesty, it was such a culture shock because, if I think about living in Canterbury and also being an army child, there weren't many families. There weren't many black families there. If there were families with black people in them, they were mixed race families. Yeah, um, when I went to school, I was one of the only few people of colour there. And so, coming to London, I'll be honest, my experience of London was the Bill and EastEnders. That's what I knew. That's what I knew about diversity as an 11, 12 year old.
Speaker 3:The Bill and EastEnders and the school that I went to was not the best school. It was a school that had to keep spaces open for children who had been expelled or couldn't go to other schools. So when I moved to london northwest london in my school was in brent cross. Yeah, that was the only school that I could go to. I begged my mom to send me to the local girl school. She was like no, this is school you're going to and I don't think they had places anyway. So it was a huge culture shock for me. I was different, I felt different. I didn't feel like I fitted in with any particular group there. I think it took me a little while to find a friendship group, but I did eventually.
Speaker 2:Was the difference because of where you felt you could fit in culturally or how you? There must be people that looked like you, was it? Yeah?
Speaker 3:No, super diverse, but I was a really, really shy child, but I was a really, really shy child. I didn't gain my confidence until my mid-twenties. So I would hide from family. I would hide from aunties and uncles. You would not see me. I was always looking worried. I was a complete bookworm, kept my head down and just. I found making friends quite difficult. I did have friends. It's not that I couldn't make friends, but put me in a new situation and I was terrified. Just terrified.
Speaker 2:And look at you now. You're, like you know, introducing or making me feel welcome at random crew, and you're you're quite a leader there as well, in terms of um, the group that you're bringing in, whether they're slow or fast, and yeah so look at the contrast there in terms of progression. Yeah, amazing.
Speaker 3:I'm not entirely sure where the switch was right. So even up until my early adulthood, um, I moved out of home.
Speaker 3:When I was about 21, I had had a boyfriend who wasn't a great boyfriend, um, who convinced me that I didn't need to be living at home anymore, I should get my own place and all of this kind of stuff. And I was very it was in a very toxic situation and I still didn't have the courage to stand up for myself. I went through periods of depression. I went through periods where I was getting counseling, I was on antidepressants because I was so unhappy with my life and the situation with him left me in a position where I, in all honesty, I wanted to die. So I was away from home. Home, I didn't have any friends at this point.
Speaker 3:So I was about 20, 21. I didn't have any friends, uh, because he had sort of told me you didn't need to have friends, all you need is me. Then he cheated on me and I was like oh my god, what am I gonna do? And my mum I remember my mum probably was super worried about me was like maybe you need to do something. You know, get out, get out of your flat a bit. And she said why don't you become a pcso?
Speaker 3:and I'm like um police community support officer. Wow, so that they're like not police officers, but they support the police officers are they like community policemen?
Speaker 3:yeah, yeah, and I was like, uh, mom, no, I'm not doing that, what's wrong with you? And um, they used to call them plastic police officers, because they couldn't, didn't really have any powers or anything like that. I'm not doing that. But then one day on the tube I did see a, an advert for, um, volunteer police officers. All the same powers, all of that, but you're a volunteer police officer, yeah, and I was like, okay, maybe there might be something in this.
Speaker 3:So I then applied to become a volunteer police officer and that was definitely a pivotal turning point for me. Um, it gave me a mindset change. It got me out of my house, it got me out of my pit. But also when you are a police officer. So I became a volunteer police officer. I had the power to arrest people. I had to go through training, you know, I was on the street, I was doing everything a regular police officer would do, but just volunteer. When you're in that situation, you cannot allow your doubts and fears to lead you. So I guess, before that point, I would allow my self-doubt, my lack of self-esteem, my lack of confidence to lead me and everything that I did. But when I took on that role, you can't put on the police officer uniform and be scared because someone's they're gonna sniff that they're gonna sniff that out.
Speaker 3:They're gonna have you up in a second, you know. So that really did. The training for that, the responsibility, um, definitely made me push myself forward, out of my comfort zone and really, really helped my confidence. There was one time we had to do a um, we went on a team building exercise and we ended up on a navy warship and for some reason, um, I was put in charge of our particular group and looking back now, I I suspect that there are, there are skills that I didn't realize I had. There were leadership skills that I didn't know that I had but perhaps other people could see.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so my superiors put me in charge of this group and they were like okay, leanne, you know you're under six foot of water. So we were in this pitch black room smoke bangs, all this noise, the water was up. I'm six foot tall, the water was up to my head and we had to fill in these holes to stop, stop the ship sinking. And they were like right, you're in charge, you've got to tell these people what to do. And I was like, oh, I don't know how to do that. And they were like you need to swear at them. You need to shout at them. Do whatever you need to do to save your life and their life. Of course, we weren't going to die.
Speaker 3:We're using like a, an exercise yeah my colleagues hated me because I was 22, 23, telling them what to do. They were in their 40s. And the other thing about volunteering is um, a lot of people don't take volunteering seriously because they think they can just come and go.
Speaker 3:I'm giving my time for free, I don't need to follow right okay, but you are a volunteer police officer so actually you do need to take this seriously. You do need to listen to these people. So they hated me because I was 22, telling big, big people what to do and they weren't listening. I remember afterwards we completed the exercise. I was really proud, like can I swear, fucking fill those holes or you're gonna fucking die. Get to it. No, no, no.
Speaker 3:And afterwards we had this debrief with one of the um, the army guys yeah and they were like he basically turned around to set it everyone, you lot, all need to sort yourself out, because if you don't like someone because they're younger than you and doing more than you, that's your problem. This person is in charge, this person is leading you and you need to listen to her. And then to me they were like you have to just ignore what everybody else thinks and just go forward and push yourself, and that again, was a huge point for me. I was like, okay, maybe I can lead, maybe I can be in charge.
Speaker 3:But I remember the biggest thing about my mindset change was it doesn't matter how scared I am, nobody needs to know that. Nobody needs to know how scared I am inside. It's what I'm showing on the outside and it's a bit of fake it till you make it. Because even when I went into my jobs and I was a PA since I was very, very young um, I would go into work terrified like why are people going to listen to me? I still have those moments now.
Speaker 3:I'm still like why am I here today? Why am I on podcast? And I've done a lot of great things in my life, but I still think to myself why do people want to listen? Nothing, it doesn't matter, they are listening. It doesn't matter how scared I am inside. They can't see that. They don't know who I am. So when it came to work, I was very much like I'm'm going to do it really really well, and then nobody needs to know about anything else behind that screen. So whatever that uniform is that I'm wearing, no one needs to know what's underneath it, be it a police uniform, an office uniform whatever it is, no one needs to know.
Speaker 2:You know that's great how you managed to, like, assume power, but also not manipulate it or use it in a bad way, because some people can inherit power and use it badly, and respect to you for using it in the right way and, uh, absorbing it. Another question I've got for you, though, is did you do the 20 weeks training at hendon?
Speaker 3:yeah, did you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know my things, yeah, you know about that, of course, so that was was that?
Speaker 3:was that quite intense it was. It was um, so I had I was doing it at weekends, um, and you know, it was a real lesson in commitment, in understanding authority, in knowing when you can push things and when you can't push things.
Speaker 2:Would you say the training is comprehensive and is it sensitive to do they tell you about biases and racial stuff that's going on, or is it quite neutral and one size fits all?
Speaker 3:I'll be honest, it was quite neutral and one size fits all. It might be different now, but this was 15, 16 years ago, longer, coming up almost 20 years ago. So it was an eye-opener. That was where I learned the phrase to be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, and to be late is unacceptable. I'm still late all the time, but you know no, you're, you're on time today.
Speaker 2:Man, come on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was on time today but is that one of their mantras, is it? Yeah, it was on the wall, and if you walked in, even even on the button, they'll be like you're late. Okay, get there five minutes early.
Speaker 2:So you did you did your community policing for a while, so that did that help you get out of the situation you're in, and did that actually make you put forward. What other things did you gather from that, though?
Speaker 3:yeah, do you know what it opened my eyes to? What a lot of the younger youth are going through?
Speaker 3:yeah and that not everything is black and white. You can look at a person and you can look at the things that they do and you can be like you're a bad person. It's very easy from the outside to be like you're a bad person, but I remember one time we went to this house party um, that had gotten a bit out of control in tottenham, because I was up in north london doing this in like wood green tottenham. Oh my god, seven sisters, yeah yeah bruce grove.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and we went to this house party and I would walk in not looking like your typical police officer and people like, oh, and it gave me the opportunity to talk to younger people and go like what's what's really going on here? Why is this what you're choosing to do?
Speaker 3:and get a bit of insight, and I think you see all these memes all the time.
Speaker 3:I was the last generation to be out until the street lights come on, and I think there's an element of truth there.
Speaker 3:Our community services for young people have been cut down so much and by that point they were still being stripped away um that the young people don't feel they have any choice but to put themselves in certain situations or they're bored because there's nothing there for them and they don't have anything else to do apart from congregate together and create perhaps allegiances and alliances and friendships that maybe they would be better not having.
Speaker 3:And I don't want to talk too much on this situation, but I've got a nephew who grew up on one of the biggest council estates in in the uk and when I look at how his life has gone, mainly based due to the fact that there were no services there for him, there wasn't, um there weren't the role models that were needed for him. The role models were people who were selling drugs and doing knife crime and all that kind of stuff and we're talking about when we're getting into this area of music that's talking about and glorifying and being used to antagonize enemies and other crew members and not seeing anything but how much kudos that brings amongst your friends and how much money that can bring in from illegal sources. So you live that, you live that and that becomes your life. You don't see a way out of it yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So on the flip side, with random crew, um, what did you get from that in terms of a good crew to hang around with and what did you get from it? Or where were you at that point in your life when you joined?
Speaker 3:so when I joined random crew, I wasn't really a runner. Um, what happened was I'd been going to random crew west, um, which was led by cory bit beefy, yeah, and I'd never really run before, and I had a friend who was a runner. She's like you should go here, you should try and do this. I was like, oh, I'm not really a runner, I didn't really really exercise, I wasn't fit, I wasn't you know, and I was always slow, always, always slow. And then somehow I ended up entering the London Marathon. So someone that I'd met at RDC West was like, hey, we should do the London Marathon. This was 2012. Yeah, and I was like, um, okay, sure. So I started to come into my yes era of like, yeah, let's not be afraid to say yes to things. So, having never run more than a 10k, at that point yeah, I've done one 10k race for life I was like, great, let's do a marathon. And the training for that was incredibly hard, but that was how I came across.
Speaker 3:So I came across random crew west before I came across old g yeah og random crew, um, and then I started going on the Tuesday sessions and meeting people and I didn't feel like a leader there. It was super welcoming, I knew people there. My friend brought me there, so I knew one or two people there, but I wasn't confident as a runner. I had still had in my mind this mantra of I'm not fast enough, I'm not good at this. And then I started settling into well, this is my pace, this is fine, this is how fast I run, you know. So I signed up for the London Marathon, was training with random crews on Tuesdays and Thursdays and was really getting in my pace, really like kind of doing it. I became the fittest that I'd ever been at that point, to be honest, yeah.
Speaker 2:What's really good about that as well. You know with the groups that they put you in. There's two ways you can look at it like you feel like you're slow, you feel like you're fast. I think it's good mentally to find out. You know what. This is my lane in life, but this is where this is my pace yeah and you just sort of become more comfortable within yourself. This is where I am. I don't have to be that fast, but this is where I am.
Speaker 2:This is what I'm gonna do within that lane and sort of like um matures you into saying this is where I am and sort of like being more comfortable in terms of what you can do, in terms of, you know, not your, not your comfort zone, but this is where I am yeah, and I just really discovered that slow and steady for me, slow and steady is going to win that race.
Speaker 3:And I think when you're running, and when you're running with people like charlie dark and all that, you start to leave your ego at the door. I think running in general can be a very egotistical sport. How fast is your 5k? How fast is your 10k? Like, oh, have you got all the gear, all of that kind of stuff? It can be really, really ego driven, and that's because we start.
Speaker 3:When you start to run consistently as well, you do get better. You might not get faster, but you do get better, you do get stronger. And then your mind starts telling you right, how far can I push this? Oh, how far is that person going? Have you ever done that thing where you get off a tube and you're the first to the um, to the escalators, and you're like I'm going to be first one up those escalators. I feel like that's what running is like always in competition with someone, and you have to make this mind switch to go. I'm actually only going to be in competition with myself, and that's where I found myself. It doesn't matter how fast I go, as long as I'm doing my best and I'm pushing myself nice.
Speaker 2:Well, I think we're going to go to the next tune. Is that all right? What's the next tune? What have you got for me? Well, I believe it's no. No, no by destiny's child. So what you got for me?
Speaker 3:okay, so we're. We're going to bring that one back. So we're going to talk about confidence in a time. I embarrass myself, so we're coming back out of running here. Okay, we're going back to my teen years okay, let's do it this is the remix.
Speaker 4:This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix.
Speaker 5:This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This is the remix. This the streets are free. This ain't no free zone.
Speaker 5:Every project, every project, boy, I know you want me. I can see it in your eyes, but you keep on frontin' With yourself on your mind, cause each and every time you need me, you give me signs, but when I ask you what's the deal, you hold it all inside. If you wanna be with me, you gotta keep it real. Tell me what's goin' on. Tell me how. You gotta keep it real. Tell me what's going on. Tell me how you feel, boy, I know you want me just as much as I want you.
Speaker 5:So come and get my love. I'm here for you when it's really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When it's really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When it's really yeah, yeah, yeah. You seem so shy, I'm so tired. Never had a girl like I. I can see right through you and you know you wanna be mine. So get your act together, cause we're running out of time. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You pretend as if you don't want me. When you get home, you call me on the phone and tell me how much you care.
Speaker 4:Close your eyes, shorty, you're guaranteed to be hypnotized. Bought a remix that Y-Club provide. I don't care about your size, girl, shake your thighs. All I'm trying to do in the hood is stay alive. Make a little money with destiny child. So that's no, no, no by Destiny's Child.
Speaker 2:If you ever saw the way her neck was moving to the beat when this tune was rocking, she just went back in 2000, 2001.
Speaker 3:Tell me about this tune, girl this is just a funny story that has stayed with me my whole entire life. I don't know who I thought I was go ahead, so at some point I've, like I always, I've always loved singing. Yeah, I'm not a terrible singer. I'm also not a good singer like I can carry a little tune here and there, all right. And when I was in school I joined a like a choir, um, and it wasn't like a church type choir, it was a youth type choir secondary school right yeah secondary school.
Speaker 3:so I was 15, 16 and me and my friend, we started a little band and we really thought ourselves like a couple of good little singers. We weren't great, could carry a tune, but weren't great. So then you know, we talked about I used to be very shy and whatnot. And I went to a college where I didn't really know my friends didn't go to the same college as me, we all started separating. So I'm trying to find myself.
Speaker 3:I went to barnett college and I was at the um, the south gate campus, or whatnot. They had a talent show. I don't know what possessed me. I decided to enter this talent show on your own, on my own, because I still didn't have that many friends. This was shy, me and I. I was like I don't, I was like I need to. I really love singing, I kind of want to do this and I did have one or two people, but again, like I didn't really know anyone and I really, when I look back at this, I'm like what was I doing? So I decided to sing and that's why I said to you when I did this, the slow version, not the hype up version, because this was the version that I decided to sing in the auditions for this talent show.
Speaker 2:The slow version.
Speaker 3:The slow version, that version, but of course the other remixed version was out and I started singing it and everyone was like what the hell is this girl doing? But then people were like and I was like why are you not doing it? And it was really. Everyone started clapping and trying to like chivvy me on and get me to do like the hype version. And I wanted to do the slow version and I lost my pace completely. I think I walked off stage. I definitely cried Sorry. I shouldn't have laughed, sorry. I don't think I've ever, apart from karaoke, I've not sung in public again. And yeah, that was like it was traumatising, life-affirming.
Speaker 3:Was it because what was it about it that went wrong, though? So, basically, so, this version that you played was a slow version no that's the faster version that you've played.
Speaker 3:So the slow version is boy, I know you want me, I can see it in your eyes and but everyone started thinking I was singing that version. So they started clapping like to try and get me to speed up. But I was singing the ballad version and they were like, and so I lost the beat, I lost the count, I got thrown, I was stuck. I was on this stage. There was easily 100 people watching me. I was 16 and I was embarrassed and I just feel like that was a lesson to me, to like. I remember thinking I should have just ignored everyone. I should have just tuned them out and just carried on doing the version that I was doing, but all I could see was it was like being on a tv show, where you're on a tv show and you're in a scene and everyone's nate. All of a sudden, everyone's naked. You're naked on stage and everyone's laughing at you, and that's how I felt.
Speaker 2:That is really how I felt, um, so this is the first time you were coming out of your shell, if you liked it, and it went horribly wrong yeah that is traumatising in terms of you're probably on the cusp of coming out of your shyness into greatness.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that was your first outing and that must be awful yeah, and I put myself out there and everyone was really sweet about it. But I also know that. It definitely went round that I was the girl that bombed it at the auditions for the talent show and I stayed at that college maybe for like two months after that. I just didn't feel settled.
Speaker 3:I felt like I wasn't making friends, I felt like I wasn't settling into the course, and so I secretly then dropped out of college and went back to sixth form. Um didn't tell my mum and I was like that's it, I'm gonna get a job now I'm gonna work because college is not for me. So I left. I was like that's it, I'm going to get a job now, I'm going to work because college is not for me. So I left. I was doing a diploma in childcare at the time and I said to my mum oh, can I go back to sixth form? And she said no, and then I did it anyway. She must have been so disappointed in me. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So did you go back to sixth form because you felt was it triggered from that experience, academically or environmentally? Um, not working for you.
Speaker 3:Which is all of it, right, all of it right, because I missed, I didn't have the friends that I went to school with yeah they all went to different places, or they all went to different, different kind of campuses and I didn't feel like I was fitting in.
Speaker 3:I didn't feel like I was enjoying the course. You know, it wasn't really what I wanted to do, but I didn't know what I wanted to do. I didn't want to disappoint anyone by not being in higher education, but I just didn't know what to do. I was miserable. I was miserable, yeah so, yeah, so I went back to what I knew is. Sometimes I find it very easy. If I just go back to what I know, everything will be fine, which is not always the best thing to do in life?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, so did your mom.
Speaker 3:Was your mom quite not strict, but um encouraging for you to go through to higher education university, that sort of thing I sometimes think there was an expectation because I'm not stupid that I could have gone to university and got a degree and things like that. But I honestly didn't know what I would study, and so I didn't really look at university for myself as an option, and so then I think it became clear that I wasn't going to go to university. But you know, try and get some college education.
Speaker 2:Had you found your passion by that point? No, not at all yeah, I didn't know.
Speaker 3:I didn't know what I wanted to do. Yeah, so what I did was when I went back to to sixth form, I got an office job. My first office job was working in this home office for this couple and it was an admin job and they ran like a little estate agency type thing. But they would leave me in this office, go out and they would lock the door behind them. They're like you need to lock the door behind you.
Speaker 3:We was in harrow like no one's coming to rob this house. We're in harrow, guys, middle sex and they would lock the door. And then one time the husband came home and locked the door behind him, as was protocol. The wife then came home and couldn't get in. She accused us of having an affair again. I was like 16, no idea what's going on. It was really scary. And then I left and then I went and worked for a mirror factory as an admin at this mirror factory. That was my first kind of big girl job and it was terrible on my part. It was like all very above board, I'm here to do the admin, so were you full-time?
Speaker 2:there had you you left Sixth Form at this point, or were you doing a hybrid sort of?
Speaker 3:So I must have, by that point I must have left Sixth Form. I worked in Asda when I was at Sixth Form Excellent, yeah, I was a greeter. And again, I took that job, and it was at that point that I was like no one needs to know how scared I feel. I get to give sweets to little kids all day. Yeah, yeah, and you know, greta that?
Speaker 2:listen, that is front shop. That is not easy yeah but you deal with all different people, different moods, getting blanked, getting acknowledged yeah but there's a lot of people ignoring you or in different moods, and I just walk past you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, all the shoplifters, all of that chasing them out of the store. One time I did, they nearly run me over. Oh my God, what you tried to play Superwoman hero. Well, I was like you can't steal. You can't steal from Asda.
Speaker 2:Not Asda. How were you about the outfit? Did you have the outfit?
Speaker 3:I had a little uniform yeah, I worked for this mirror manufacturing company as a receptionist. Then I decided I was going to be a city girl, I'm going to work in the city, and I got a job at.
Speaker 3:Aldgate, yeah, I remember my dad telling me you've got to have a power suit. I was like I don't really know what a power suit is. I'm only 19, um, so I just started working in offices and I knew that I wanted to be a PA. But because I'd been a receptionist for so long and just a general admin, it was actually really hard for me to then to break into my dream career of being a personal assistant, um, and so I left again. I'd leave jobs and be like right, this is what I'm going to do, this is what I'm going to do. How did you feel comfortable?
Speaker 2:um, knowing you can move from job to job, that's, that's a confidence, that's what they were telling us to do don't stay in a job more than two years.
Speaker 3:That's true. They would say if you wanted to, if you want to progress, you need to move around every two years. And I think there was before that there was this thinking that you stay in one job, you stay in a job for life. And then I got to where I was at that point in my life. It was you change jobs every two years to move up and carry on.
Speaker 2:That's interesting because I'm slightly older than you. The, you know, have a job for life with large institutions. You know British Gas, british Telecom and you stay with them indefinitely. You know your pension and all that sort of stuff going forward. I was on the cusp of that between high-end employment, that mode of thinking slash. You know the new way of thinking or a modern way of thinking, as to what you just articulated. So, having all those. You're at the center of that. You're pivoting, thinking which way do you want to go in?
Speaker 2:terms of individualism, but it's interesting to somebody who's younger than me how that was.
Speaker 3:That was um yeah paramount in terms of how you should think and there were people in the organizations that I was in up until probably kind of I was about 25 who had been there 20, 30 years. They'd been in these jobs since the organisation started and they were in their jobs for life, whereas there was people coming in my age and there were a lot of grad schemes about.
Speaker 3:There was a company that I worked for called Hobsons, which produced student magazines and directories, and they had sales teams. So they had all these grad sales people who would come in for a year and then go, but whereas everyone else was there for years and years, and years and years, and years?
Speaker 2:how old you? At this point, we had your shoulder pads I was about 21 excellent. So there was no pressure on you in terms of hessian or motivity. You must have kids by now.
Speaker 3:You must do this, you're still quite free at that point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do that, yeah okay, so how was the city talk to us about that? What was it?
Speaker 3:like everyone would go out on a friday night and be doing coke in the toilets. I was like, yeah, this isn't really for me, this isn't the life that I want yeah yeah, um, and again, I was still very much in that mode of. So this was before I joined the police, but I was still very much in that mode of like no one needs to know how scared I am, so I'm just going to go in, do a job, do it really well and then go home and go about my business.
Speaker 2:Um was it like working there were, you, did you, did you receive any? Was it many positive that?
Speaker 3:experience there. Yeah, it was very positive. I was very much nurtured, I was very much kind of given the opportunity to make the job my own. But then when I did want to get a promotion within that to become, I was like I really want to join the secretarial team, because at this point I realised that I wanted to be a PA and they were like, oh no, there's no space for you, there's no space for you, there's no space for you. So then I left and I left there. So I left hobsons and I went to edf. Yeah, um, did you leave there?
Speaker 2:angry. How did you leave?
Speaker 3:no, I left there like now's my time. Guys, all right, if you're not going to give me the job that I want, I've got the potential. You keep telling me I've got potential. So I'm going to go and find a job as a pa. That's confidence there. Yeah, and this is before the police, this is before. This was the job that I had. So then I went to EDF as a receptionist. So I didn't get my PA role, yeah, okay, fine. But they were like it's okay, we can train you up into different roles. So I went there as a receptionist, they took me into their HR department, I got my qualification, my CIPD associate qualification, and I ended up. I was on reception for like two months maybe and then I was working as a HR assistant. The problem was I was coming out of this really toxic relationship at that time and I was really quite depressed and so I wasn't doing my job very well and as much as they were supportive, they didn't notice that I wasn't doing my job very well and I went on holiday.
Speaker 2:They didn't notice that I wasn't doing my job very well, and I went on holiday. They didn't notice.
Speaker 3:They didn't notice. I went on holiday to new york with my best friend and I came back and they sat me down in the office and they're like, yeah, so while you were away, we discovered all the things that you haven't been doing, because I just wasn't coping. Surface level, everything looked great underneath, wasn't coping, was really really depressed, really really sad. Um, really really kind of yeah, not in a great place. And they basically paid me to leave. They gave me a lot of money, they gave me career coaching and they were like please don't sue us, because you're a very young person and you've told us that I had told them that I was struggling. You've told us that you're struggling and we've not kind of done our duty to you. You've not done your job, but we've not done our duty to you.
Speaker 3:And so I took some time out. I paid my rent on my very expensive flat that my ex-boyfriend had made me get and I was like, okay, now what am I gonna do now? Again, and I think the person I am is if I don't like something in life, if I don't like something that's happening, I must find a way to change it. And it's really easy for me to say that because that's who I am as a person. But in life it's not always easy to just go. I don't like this, I'm going to change that. So it doesn't work for everyone.
Speaker 3:But I was in a really bad place. I was like I cannot continue to stay in this place and be miserable and be sad. So I made a conscious decision that this time, you know, I've been saying I want to be a PA, I'm going to do it. So I started taking temp jobs because I had the money to, like, kind of allow myself some breathing space. So I started taking temp jobs as PA, like I'm going to be PA now, this is what I'm going to do. And that was also when I became a volunteer police officer around this same time, so this all happened at the same time.
Speaker 2:It's a huge transition period for you yeah, massive, massive.
Speaker 3:And so I took real ownership of my career, volunteering at the weekends. Then I started temping as a pa, and then I've got my first full-time pa job in 2008, working for the Arts Council of England and the HR Director. Well done, and that was when my PA career really started to fly.
Speaker 2:Was that the first time you found out you can get to where you were indirectly or directly, even if you don't get it directly. Yeah, you can go, not around the houses, but you can get around it in other ways.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you just have to. For me, it's about being persistent. You can go, not around the houses, but you can get around it. Yeah, you just have to. For me, it's about being persistent. It's about planning. I'm like okay, what do you really want to do? How are you going to do that? Because every time you go into a job, they keep putting you into admin jobs because you get pigeonholed, don't you? Of course, they can do this. So when I went into the temp world, I was like no, I want a. And that really helped.
Speaker 2:Well done. Well speaking of speed and timings and progress we're going to move to the next tune yeah, 21 Seconds by the so Solid Crew. God, you're taking me back, boy, that's 2000.
Speaker 3:You're a garage girl, aren't you? I am, I am a garage girl. That's my era.
Speaker 5:That's where I was at. I got 21 seconds to flow. I got 21 seconds to go Cause, if you like me, let me know. Let me in the studio. I got 21 seconds before I got to go. Did you see me on the video? Oh no, did you see me?
Speaker 2:on the video? Oh no, so if you like me, let me know, let me in the studio. I got 21 seconds before I got to go. 21 seconds, 21 seconds, 21 seconds, 21 seconds, 21 seconds. Thank you, Just for the listeners out there. Talk to us about British Garage, uk Garage and that scene back at 2000. Give us some context around the tune and what were you doing at that time?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So during the Garage days I was 15, 16. Damn and Garage was life. Yeah, from the music channels that we were listening to, the pirate radio stations, the under 18 raves, obviously because I was under 18. And I just remember so Solid Crew coming out and just smashing. I think it was the summer of 2001.
Speaker 3:They just sort of smashed it out the park really. I remember that they had this album. I've never been able to find it. I think it was a summer of 2001. They just sort of smashed it out the park really. I remember that they had this album. I've never been able to find it. I think it was a mixtape album, so it was before their first album came out and there were so many tunes on there would sit in the maths, would sit there listening to it on our walkmans, mr beckles would come in, we'd all rush to put it away and it was just. There's something about the summer of 2000, summer of 2001, which was a really, really special time. I don't know. The vibes were different.
Speaker 2:The vibes were amazing and it's time 21 seconds. What was important about that for you then?
Speaker 3:So culturally, it's important. At that time it was the hit of the summer, but the reason it's here today is actually we've taken it forward to 2013. So that year, when I did finally run the marathon in 2013, I was so scared. I fear features a lot in my life. I'm a very scared person, uh, but what also features a lot in my life is how can I boost myself up, how can I pump myself to get going? Yeah, so I ran the London Marathon with this amazing woman called Bea and I've never seen her since. We trained together through snow, rain, everything, and we ran the London Marathon together and I've not seen her since. But we were getting there. We were like, how are we going to make this marathon go? How?
Speaker 3:are we going to get through this marathon. So at every single mile point, we decided to sing. I've got however many miles to go. Right, it was started. I've got 26 miles to go.
Speaker 3:I've got 26 miles to go and, of course, when you run the marathon you'll know this. You sort of um, you never truly run it alone. There's always people around you. You stick with certain crews, we move the paces and people were looking at us like we're mad and sometimes I think this is the power of having something like run them crew and a running group that really, really supports and cares for you no matter what, because I could tell that the people running this marathon had no idea how to enjoy themselves by doing it correct and we got to every single mile point and we counted down 25, 24.
Speaker 3:The party I've got 21 miles to go was insane because we were sitting at 21 yeah and it really pushed me and powered me through, and there were moments where we swore that we'd run this marathon together and then there were moments where we were like, right, it's okay, you can leave, you can go on, yeah, but we always found each other. We always found each other and right at the very end, we kind of just really pushed through and we were running for the same charity, so we were dressed in the same pretty much the same vest, but that song was my power song. That song was a song that got me through london marathon in 2020, 13, and it's always going to be a hype song for me. It's always going to be a hype song for me. It's always going to be a hype song Whenever I need hyping up. Let me bring out 21 seconds. Let me bring out, give myself 21 seconds to hype myself up.
Speaker 2:Right, it's like a mood changer, right.
Speaker 3:It's a mood changer and it brings me back to the time where I realised that I could run a marathon.
Speaker 2:Amazing I mean my experience did my run of the marathon. It was amazing. I hated it at the time, but I really enjoyed it when I look back In retrospect. Not everybody can do a marathon, so hands up to you as well. What I did was I dedicated every mile to somebody important in my life.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So they made you know and I remembered for that mile the distinctive things within that relationship. So I lost my dad about three years before, uh, you know, and I dedicated one, one mile to him and you just remember those things, what would he say, or conversation you had, and before you know it, the miles, miles gone.
Speaker 2:It wasn't easy for every mile, no, but you know it's the kind of things that you did you have you just remember conversations or talk about things you should have said, or conversation I had, yeah, and then that gets you, gets you through, and why you're running it. So that's what I did, for that's most of the miles that I did and how did you feel when you hit mile 21?
Speaker 2:oh god it was just like you're on the final stretch. But you know what? I was in one of the shop. I had a cold, it was, you know and I thought why isn't this the marathon ending? I thought I thought because it meanders so many times. You think you're closer to the end than you think you are. But when I got to mile 21 it was just you could see you coming to the end and I got this far, another five miles.
Speaker 3:But because you would have hit Cheerdem, right, they just like.
Speaker 2:I'll be up to Neve, be up to Charlie Dart, be up to to all the random crew, because they just gave me another level of energy and they were actually asking me. Me because I was. I wouldn't say that St John's ambulance were coming behind me, but I was one of the stragglers, no, you know what I'm saying. So, um, but they waited for me. It started to get dark, but they still waited till I was there. You know, and it's amazing the boost they gave me and like for context.
Speaker 3:For context, mile 21 is traditionally hitting that the wall where they're like I cannot go on any further, I can't do this. And so, because of that, charlie dark and running crew decided to put cheer points at mile 21, at the point where you need it most in a marathon, when you feel like you can't go on. So if you ever run london marathon or some of the bigger races, you will always find a cheer point at that mile 21 or that mile kind of 11 mark where you're going to hit the wall and you run through this and it is the most biggest outpouring of physical right in front of you. Love that. You. You hit by this wall of cheers and confetti and your name being screamed and people bringing you chocolate or a beer or whatever it is.
Speaker 3:You think that you wanted a sip of beer, you know yeah, good, good, someone bought me fruit and nut, yeah, and for me I, at around about mile 18, got cramp and I had to go to st john's and they were like you need to stop. I was like I'm not stopping, I am not stopping, and I just continued on, continued on, continued on, got to mile 21 and was just like carried through the rest of the race, those last five, four or five miles by the love, the crew love, basically.
Speaker 2:So, at 21 seconds as well, is this when your career and your choices start to come together?
Speaker 3:Yeah, 2013 was an amazing year for me, career wise. I decided to push myself. I was working for a charity called Akivo. I was working as PA to the chief executive a really interesting guy and I felt like I needed to understand if I was successful and I don't know what that means.
Speaker 3:Well, exactly what a success looked like. So I really enjoyed my job. I really um liked working for Sir Stephen his name was Sir Stephen Bubb and the organization. But I was like, well, am I doing well in my career because I'm a PA? It's not like there's a hierarchy that I can really climb up here. I've managed diaries, you know. So I wanted to understand, had I, had I been reaching any goals that I'd set myself? Was I doing a good job? So I applied for an award called the Executive PA Magazine, hayes PA of the Year and I self-nominated. But I also said to one of my friends oh, I'm going to nominate myself for this and they also nominated me.
Speaker 3:So it was an application process. You got through to the long list. They asked you some questions, they shortlisted you. I got through. I had to do a telephone interview and then I made the final and I couldn't believe it. It down. So it doesn't really matter if anyone else is shouting about your successes. Anytime someone tells you something good, write it down. Anytime get a compliment, praise, write it down. Put it in a folder, save it somewhere. If you want to understand if you have um reached your successes, write them down, write down every single thing that you did put it on paper and read it back and be like wow, I've done so much this year, I've done so much during this season this period.
Speaker 3:So nominating myself for the award wasn't about winning it. It was about seeing all the things that I said I was going to do and putting them on paper and being able to read them back where did you get that?
Speaker 2:I mean, I always think about doing that now, I mean I journal and uh, etc. Etc. That helps. But where did you get that wherewithal, that focus did you have? Did you just do that out of, just came from your head, or do you have any steering towards that?
Speaker 3:what made you?
Speaker 2:want to do that in the first place I just felt like I wasn't doing enough.
Speaker 3:So I think I probably someone had said write down all your compliments and that stuck with me and I can't remember who that was, but at that particular time I think I was getting ready to try and understand if I needed to make a different career move or if I was really kind of enjoying this. And you know you have performance reviews at work, but when you're a personal assistant it's all very like well, you managed the diary, okay. There's not these like KPIs like you might have in a sales job or a job where there's really clearly defined goals. So you kind of have to set your own goals and your own kpis and then assess yourself to see if you've met them.
Speaker 3:So you got to the final I got to the final, I had to give a presentation in front of a little panel of judges. Um, it was the first time I'd ever presented. Like ever, I used prezi. If you, if you've got the brain power, you can go and find it on the internet. It's still there and I presented about the role of the modern PA in the 21st century. All right, which you know. Thrilling, thrilling topic.
Speaker 3:Did you jazz it up, though? Did you get free? Yeah, I jazzed it up, it was good, I mean, you know, spoiler alert, I won so Nice, and there was an award ceremony that evening. I was sat at the table and I brought my colleague who'd also nominated me, and I didn't fit. I'd never, ever in a million years, thought I'd win. Like who? Why am I gonna win? I never thought I'd win, and they started talking about the things that the PA had said in the presentation, and this realization then dawned on me that it was me that had won, and all I could think about was don't cry and don't trip over your dress.
Speaker 2:Was there an outfit involved?
Speaker 3:There was an outfit involved. It was a very long posh red dress that I was wearing. So I got up and I walked up on the stage and I just gave a speech out of nowhere. Yeah, I don't remember what I said. I think I remember saying something like if I can do it, it means anyone can do it, and the crowd went wild but I just couldn't believe, like, are you serious Me, I've won this award. I didn't understand it. I do understand it now. I think it's less about how well we do our jobs and more about how well we can lead, how well we can influence and how we inspire others to do well.
Speaker 2:How did your gender affect your progress, if at all?
Speaker 3:So, as a PA, it didn't, because it's a predominantly female environment. Right, you know, if I was a male in the PA world I probably would have struggled, but as a female, not a problem whatsoever.
Speaker 2:Why do you think that is? If I was a male and I was getting that job, would I have struggled?
Speaker 3:because it's not. It's not. There was a whole campaign about it a few years ago by a company called um epa, the executive and personal assistance association, because men don't see, being a pa is quite a nurturing role, right um?
Speaker 2:in what capacity teach me you're?
Speaker 3:looking after people, right, you're. You're quite often, as women, we're seen as subservient, we're seen to want to look after people, to be nurturing, and that is what being a PA is. Um, you are, take, you know, you are there and you're doing a great job and you're being professional and you're boosting people up, but a lot of it is, you know, going to someone saying what can I do for you, how can I make this easier for you, which is what women do all day. Every day, we're always looking to make life easier for other people. Right, that is not traditionally what men do.
Speaker 3:Traditionally, men just go out and do the thing that they need to do, and I think they're more forward, focused on their own arena, whereas we as women are always looking most of us at how we can help someone else move forward, probably before we help ourselves move forward. Certainly, I know I do that as a wife and a mother. Yeah, so, as a pa, I always felt that my role was to help somebody else get to success. Right, it wasn't about me. It was about how can I help this person do their job to the best of their ability so that they win, because if they win, I win, because we're a team oh see, so just to jump in.
Speaker 2:It's more than managing diaries, isn't it? Oh, oh 100.
Speaker 3:I really downplayed it like yeah it's when I went to work for akiva and I was working for steven, there was a lot of reputational damage from his previous pa because his previous pa didn't want to do the job. So I I, when I go and do talks to people, I talk about these mythical drawers that we have. So I talk about the masks that we wear, but I also talk about these mythical drawers that we have.
Speaker 2:What do you mean by the masks?
Speaker 3:So, you know, when I talked about putting on a uniform, nobody knowing that's a mask, basically. So we wear these masks to hide who we really are every single day. We fake it until we make it.
Speaker 3:No one needs to know what's under the mask. No one needs to know what's under the mask. No one needs to know what's underneath the uniform. As long as what they see is working, probably no one's going to question it. They don't want to look deeper. Oh, this looks okay on the surface. Great off we go.
Speaker 3:So we also tend to have these drawers, and I had a drawer at edf where I had all these bits that I hadn't done and I just stuck them in the drawer. When I got to Akiva, I found that my predecessor had a drawer where he'd just shoved everything in and it'd been left and I opened it up and there was so much that had not been done. My experience at EDF and my depression and not doing my job meant that I wanted to never have another drawer again. I never wanted to be shoving things away and open up that draw and feel the fear. And then when I got to Akiva and opened up that draw and realized that he had had one too, and I think that made me realize that most of us have a draw.
Speaker 3:Yes, whether it's work, personal, we have this place where we will take the thing that makes us anxious and we will put it away and we'll tuck it in a drawer, hoping to never ever deal with it. And the longer we can keep that drawer closed, sliding it open, putting something in, closing it again, the longer we think we're going to be okay. But at some point that drawer is going to become full, at some point somebody's going to open it and it's all going to come spilling out. So, however you're using that drawer, whatever you're using it for, the best thing to do is to open it up and pull everything out, sort it into piles and get it clean so in terms of sorry, just back to the question again in terms of any sexism or your position as a woman there because you're in a role as predominantly a female and career wise, do you think that your exposure to any sort of prejudicial um behaviors as a woman do you think you weren't exposed to as much as others may may have done?
Speaker 3:not in, not in my day job areas where I experienced it as a volunteer police officer. Definitely, um, because I did become a special sergeant and I know that people look down on me, being young and being a woman and going well, why can't I do that? And that was because I was dedicated to that role. Um, as time went on, I started my own running crew backpackers which was um for slower pace runners, and I know we were predominantly female running crew and I know that's because men don't respect women who run, especially slow women who run. Men looked at me and thought, well, you can't, you and your running crew can't give me anything. Not all men. We did have men there, but the male ego in running is so huge. I'm a what what do they call that them people?
Speaker 3:yeah like the elite runners. But there were elite running crews where if you run under a certain pace, you can't be part of them, those guys you know. So they'd look at backpackers and run by a woman, a slow runner, black woman, a mixed race woman, like that's not for me. And so I do think that a lot of men probably thought, well, who does she think she is? I don't think there are that many. Yeah, there are that many mixed gender running crews led by women. Name them Mixed gender running crews led by women. Yeah, Probably none, none.
Speaker 3:Backpackers was one or the first, or the first even maybe, so, yeah, so I think that again it wasn't open sexism, but I think definitely people would have looked at backpackers and when she's not qualified to lead a running crew that I'm going to go to wow so yeah, you're a leader, even even in the area where you are trying to seek not not respite, but your own requirements out of it.
Speaker 2:You're still leading, then, so hats off to you for that as well.
Speaker 7:Get you After the war, I went back to New York. After the war I went back to New York, I finished up my studies and I practiced law. I practiced law Bird work next door.
Speaker 4:Even door, Even though we started at the very same time.
Speaker 7:Alexander Hamilton began to climb how to account for his rise to the top man. The man is non-stop. Gentlemen of the jury, I'm curious. Bear with me. Are you aware that we're making history? This is the first murder trial of our brand new nation. The liberty behind deliberation I intend to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt with my assistant counsel, pro-counsel Hamilton. Sit down. A client every week says innocent, call your first witness, that's all you had to say Okay, one more thing.
Speaker 7:Why do you assume you're the smartest in the room? Why do you assume you're the smartest in the?
Speaker 4:room. Why do you assume you're the smartest in the room? Some bad attitude may be your doom. Why do you riot like you're running?
Speaker 7:out of time. Riot day and night like you're running out of time. Every day you fight like you're running out of time. Keep on fighting. In the meantime, non-stop. Corruption's such an old song that we can sing along in harmony, and nowhere is it stronger than in Albany. It's colonies, economies increasingly stalling in honesty. That's why public service seems to be calling in Non-stop stalling in honesty. That's why public service seems to be calling it stop. I practiced the law, practically perfected it. I've seen injustice in the world and I've corrected it. Now for a strong central democracy. If not, then I'll be soccers throwing verbal rocks at these mediocrities. Hamilton, at the Constitutional Convention. I was chosen for the Constitutional Convention. There is a New York junior delegate Now what I'm gonna say may sound indelicate Goes. Now what I'm gonna say may sound indelicate. He goes and proposes his own form of government, his own plan for a new form of government. He talks for six hours. The convention is listless. Bright young man, yo, who the F is this?
Speaker 1:Why do you always say what you believe. Why do you always say what you believe? Every proclamation guarantees.
Speaker 6:Free ammunition for your enemies. Why do you riot like it's going out of style? Enemies, why do you ride like it's going out of style?
Speaker 1:ride day and night like it's going out of style. Every day you fight like it's going out of style.
Speaker 3:Do what you do talk to me about this tune, girl we're coming out of my past and we're coming into my present now and I. So we're getting, we're getting like into get your tissues out era for sure, for sure. So I discovered hamilton during the pandemic. Um, so we're in 2020 now and I remember listening to it. I think I was, I was ill, whatever. This time I'd started my own business. We're in the pandemic. I was working full time for myself and everything was great For me.
Speaker 3:The pandemic was not a terrible time. The first part of the pandemic, should I say, was not a terrible time. Of course, I was scared, I was worried, but I was already working from home. I was already working in my own business. I had a daughter. I got to spend lots of time with her. I lost three stone. Life was not as bad as it was for some and I'm incredibly grateful for that. And so I discovered Hamilton during the pandemic and it was fantastic.
Speaker 3:And at the end of 2020, so at the end of the first year of 2020, I found a lump in my breast and that was soon to be discovered as breast cancer, pretty aggressive, fast growing breast cancer, called triple negative breast cancer. So my whole dreamy pandemic world came crashing down around me. Pandemic world came crashing down around me and I started chemotherapy and Hamilton is the whole musical. But all of that nonstop is just one of my favorite songs is what got me through. Hamilton became my fight song. So 21 seconds was my marathon fight song. Hamilton became my cancer fight song. I, of course, hated every single second of going to the hospital and having to have chemo, and I would have, I would cry before I had to go to sessions and I'd have temper tantrums.
Speaker 3:I don't want to do this I don't know why me, but I would just put Hamilton on in my ears and that that was my. I'd listen to the album over and over again. If you look at my Spotify wrapped, it was just Hamilton, everything, and it was what got me through and that's all I'd listened to during chemo. That's all I listened to on the way, anytime I was having a bad day, we put hamilton on. Anytime I needed boosting, we put hamilton on. Anytime I felt like I couldn't do this, I'd put hamilton on, and that became my non-stop mate, what can I say about that, besides your bravery and managing that ordeal?
Speaker 2:because I saw on facebook I didn't realize what's going on. But even then, when you go through that difficulty, you still manage to share with with people your ordeal, which you didn't have to do. I couldn't have done that to be honest, I'd have to go through it in private.
Speaker 2:You still manage to share, you still manage to um inspire people, um through that, and I mean I don't have time to talk to you about it, but I take my health to you because you put a lot of things that was going in context with me um in in terms of life and then, uh, the pandemic that's going on. You know just, you just put everything into perspective. So, yeah, I'll use this platform a to thank you for inspiring me and loads of people, because that's amazing thing for you to do going through that and to have share that for all time and still make people laugh, you know there's one thing I'm gonna do it's gonna tell a joke, exactly you still make people laugh, but also on the other side, when you're coming through.
Speaker 2:We'll go to further detail about that, if you want to, how you still manage to not be brazen with it, but yeah, you know I've got this and you still manage to work it and still be sexy with it. And how did you go through the period of dealing with it, to whether you can go through it and show people about it and still be cheeky and put your own spin on it at the same time?
Speaker 3:yeah, I think when, like going through the testing process, the diagnosis process, I only told my closest friends and you know me, like I have an instagram profile. I talk a lot on there. When I have my daughter, I talk a lot. I spoke a lot about being a mother. Yeah, I spoke a lot about business. I, up until recently, had over 3,000 pictures on my open Instagram profile, right, and so I'm always going to be a sharer.
Speaker 3:And when I got diagnosed, I thought about am I going to tell people about this? I knew I was going to lose my hair. I didn't know what was going to happen to me. I didn't know in terms of surgery and things like that, but I thought it's going to look worse if I disappear. Why, like?
Speaker 3:I felt like I've got such a huge community. I've got pa community, I've got running community, I've got business. There are so many. So I've got my tight circle of friends around me all the time. But there are so many. So I've got my tight circle of friends around me all the time, but there are so many people who, whose lives have touched me, who I spoke to, who and who I've shared with, and I just thought, can I do? I want to disappear while I go through this and also like, and if I die I'm just going to disappear, no one's going to know what happened, I'm just going to disappear, no one's going to know what happened. Like no one's going to know. And imagine, the last post I did was whatever the last post I did, and then I didn't post anything again and then I died and then people were like holy shit, what happened to Liam? You know, I also realised that there was an opportunity to talk about quite a taboo subject. You know, cancer within the black community can be quite taboo at times and I didn't.
Speaker 3:I only knew of one other black woman who had had breast cancer young. You know that was the only person that I'd known who'd had breast cancer young. It's not in my family in that particular way, and so I also thought this is an opportunity to educate people. I did cause a bit of confusion. So my friend lorna I got diagnosed right at the beginning of December. My friend Lorna said right, I'm going to raise money for cancer research and to support Leanne, I'm going to do a run on Christmas day.
Speaker 3:I think she did a 10k run or half might have been and so when I, when she said she was going to do that, I obviously wanted to share about this, that she's doing this run. And so I put this post on instagram and it's a picture of me and lorna and I was like oh, lorna's amazing, she's doing this run. And at the bottom I was like yeah, she's doing this run because I've got cancer. And a lot of people were very, very confused. I remember my cousin messaging me because I hadn't told him yeah, he's like, uh, has she got cancer? Have you got cancer? And a lot of people thought and I kind of wanted it, I didn't want to do like a big post that was just about me and being like hey guys, I've got cancer. I wanted it to make it about lorna and the run, but I did also need them to know that I had cancer I was going to support her, are they?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, I feel selfish yeah, she's amazing.
Speaker 3:So she did this run on christmas day and I ran the last sort of few kilometers with her um and it was amazing.
Speaker 3:It was amazing. She raised a lot of money for cancer research and just raised awareness. And for me, if I didn't know my body, if I hadn't, I wasn't checking myself. I found my lump accidentally, um, but I did know what my body felt like. So when I did roll over and I found this lump on my left breast, I knew that it was new and I knew that I had to get checked out. And, yeah, it just started this roller coaster of awareness and just an outlet for me to talk about how hard it was as well, like I think that I was always quite honest about what I was going through and how hard I was finding it, but also there were, there were moments of light and there were, there was always hope. You know, I got my diagnosis and was told that they're going to, they're aiming to cure me, and I didn't know that you could be cured from breast cancer let me you take this opportunity.
Speaker 2:Hey, there's something down there we've got for you. Um, david, do you want to pull that out? What? Um? First, first of all, happy birthday, and here's some flowers to award you, some flowers for happy birthday and also for your magnificent stuff you've done for all of us in terms of inspiration and being lovely. So that's for you, happy birthday, and also giving you literally your flowers.
Speaker 3:Thank you, can I just do you remember when you sent me flowers? I think it was after I got diagnosed and they went missing because the delivery guy sent them to the wrong place and you went running around for a delivery and I had to go looking around for them because I could see like it's basically delivered it across the road and I was like and I was in the house and like and you were like they've delivered them. I was like they've not delivered these flowers. I was so vexed not delivered them and yeah it done.
Speaker 2:But I got the flowers in the end and they were beautiful, yeah yeah, no, no, no worries, I was quite shocked and obviously concerned, you know, I mean. So I thought you know we're sending some flowers in, because I can imagine there was a lot going on, you know, and um, so I thought I'd just say hello, but I'm supporting you, yeah, and I really have always appreciated the love and support you give me in like my most difficult times and, yes, always, always stuck with me.
Speaker 2:You're welcome and and wait. Let's wait, wait, people. It's not just that you know she, not only does she do that, we're seeing her on television, on big gm tv. Right, let's break this down. Don't try like oh yeah, I went through this, what did you do after that as a magnificent woman?
Speaker 3:don't try and shy it off okay so it's really important to me that everybody learns how to check their bodies check their breasts, check their chest.
Speaker 3:Men can get breast cancer as well, so please learn your bodies, feel yourself okay. But I came across a post on this pr group on facebook which was looking for a model to go on to um, what is it good morning britain, yep, and to have a breast exam. And I was like. I messaged. I was like yeah, okay, I'll do that. By the way, I've had breast cancer, so I think probably it's quite relevant. And she messaged me back and she was like great, come on tomorrow, are you okay being topless? And I was like, yeah, okay, I didn't really think about it. It was a sunday morning at about 9 am. Yeah, so they get me a car. I get to the studios. They're yeah, so you're going to be topless, they're going to examine you. And I said are you going to put some, some things over my nipples? She was like no.
Speaker 2:I was like oh okay, Everything outdoors.
Speaker 3:I was like yeah, I've got them pierced.
Speaker 2:I was at work Sorry, I missed it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I went on. I had the live breast exam on TV and I guess for me, when I said yes, I didn't consider that it was primetime breakfast television on a.
Speaker 3:Monday morning how far the reach would be, and I do not regret it. I do not regret it at all. If I was asked again'd think yeah, I think a little bit longer before saying yes. So I absolutely don't regret it because the the upside of it was the messages. The people that I know begun to check themselves and I was very fortunate to meet a woman who, because of seeing me who looked up, saw my bare breasts on the television decided to check herself and found her own cancer and has now been through her own cancer journey. But then, you know, credits me with saving her life, because if she hadn't looked up and been like, oh, there's a pair of boobs on the tv, she wouldn't have checked herself and she wouldn't have saved her own life. I didn't save her life, she saved her own life. But you know that that one person made everything worth it.
Speaker 2:Wow yeah, wow, I mean, I'm speechless with that. You know that's an excellent story and again, so proud of you and stuff. Was that did you? Did you feel exposed? Or do you feel proud of that time? Because it must be? You know it's telling the story and you're physically, you know, exposed as well, or was that sort of kind of freeing for you as well? I'm not sure, how was it? A mixture of things. I'm putting words into your mouth no, no, no.
Speaker 3:At the time straight after, I felt really exposed, really exposed, and it did go viral on twitter and it reached america and the americans are quite weird with all this kind of stuff and that's when I if I got any comments negatively, that was when I got negative comments. The UK crowd were just loving it. I felt a huge sense of pride and I also felt like you know, you don't wish illness or cancer on anybody, but the people that I've met, the opportunities that I've received the way, and I've not had an epiphany moment, I've not had a like I've had cancer. Now everything's going to change, but the way that my life has changed, the way that I have changed the person that I am, because I now understand I knew before that life could end at any time, but I now understand how hard it is to to live. So another another Hamilton quote on my arm I've got a tattoo dying is easy, living is harder.
Speaker 3:Like it's so easy you could die now yeah living, living life, living a full life, living a life that you love living a life, a real life, that's so much harder and that's what cancer has taught me. Losing my hair was a huge thing. For me, losing my hair was a massive thing. I had, you know, long curly hair down to my shoulders, wearing an afro, whatever, and it all went. The one thing you never also realize is how important eyelashes and nose hairs are. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3:And I lost all of it, nose hairs, everything. I lost every single hair on my body due to the chemo and losing my hair. I didn't realize how much I hid behind my hair.
Speaker 2:What do you mean?
Speaker 3:Because I'm six foot tall. I'm not a small person. Like you know, I'm a curvy woman. I'm mixed race. I had this big curly hair. I was a very visible person, but I didn't really like being visible before then. Um, I I remember when I was younger I was so ashamed of my height that I would kind of slump over and you know, I wouldn't really walk tall. Yeah, I realized that if I can lose my hair, I can almost shed again the masks, the fears, all of that kind of stuff. And so as I came out of the cancer cloud and started to feel better about who I was, I realised it's my opportunity to say yes to things like getting my chest out on TV like modelling for Pretty Little Thing, modelling for Primark Marks and Spencers, Breast Cancer, Now you know all of these kind of things.
Speaker 3:I didn't know you did all that. Warford, nice. Um, I've done a lot of stuff over the past two years since then that I didn't dream that. I you know when you're little, quite quite a few of us like I wish I could be a model and I've done that.
Speaker 2:I've done that and I can see you just picking that up and running with that. Did you find that difficult, or not?
Speaker 3:um, it's really scary every single time. And you know, I've got a belly on me, I've got stretch marks. I'm not a supermodel, but actually maybe I am Because you just take.
Speaker 2:I, you know, I work as a DJ and I know people who are fake. I know people who are natural. You can be nervous, but to me that came to you quite naturally. You could be nervous, but to me that came to you quite naturally. You looked quite nice, you might have been nervous, but I think you, you naturally just just kicked it.
Speaker 3:You tore it up, tore it up again and it is like I, you know, I feel like we're getting ready to come on to the next song, because I just feel like there's power, right, and no one has to see how scared I am before a camera starts flashing. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm just going to pretend I do. I'm going to pretend I am the sexiest woman that I've ever met and just go for it.
Speaker 1:Damn. The doctor's just finished telling me there's no time losing. You could be the end of me and that I should do the things that I wanted to. How could I without you, without you, oh, oh, cause you're the only one I let in Tell me how to stop this feeling spreading? I'm hoping somehow that you know. Let's just get back together. We should have never broke up. They're telling me that my heart won't be again. We should've stayed together, cause when you left me it stopped. They're telling me that my heart won't beat again.
Speaker 2:Won't beat again, it's killing me. Hey, hey, hey, I'm begging. Please don't let me go. I'm begging, please don't let me go. I'm not particularly a fan of this boy band group. Right, break it down for us.
Speaker 3:So I started off liking them ironically Okay, how does that work? I was like, oh, jls, so cheesy, let's listen to their music. And then I realised, actually I quite like their music, and it's not for everyone, but the one thing that I like is music that makes me feel good.
Speaker 3:Okay then Right. So if we look at all of the songs, it's music that makes me feel good, good. If we look at all of the songs, it's music that makes me feel good, good, and that that can be pop music, that can be cheesy pop music. And the thing about jls when they first came out is they were so inoffensive. There's no negativity. They're singing love songs, they're singing like happy songs that just make you want to dance. This song in particular, I've chosen no, because when confronted with cancer, you're confronted with your own death, right yeah and the one thing that got me thinking about is what do I want when I die?
Speaker 3:like you know how I'm not religious um, donate everything you can donate, but I thought about how I want people to say goodbye to me when that time comes, whenever, whenever that time comes. Tomorrow 40 years down the line who knows.
Speaker 3:And what I want people to do is I want people to be at my funeral and be like, for God's sake Leanne, for God's sake JLS. And there's a line in that song which says if I died, would you come to my funeral? Would you cry? I died, would you come to my funeral? Would you cry? And I want everybody to be there at my funeral thinking yeah, this is what Leanne was about Cheesy pop music, sending us messages at her funeral. Yeah, we're going to cry, but actually, you know what? This is a good time. This is a time for us to celebrate whoever we feel that Leanne is.
Speaker 3:So I picked that song because it is. I think it's really important. There are things that we all need to do as adults, and one of them is sort out wills, is sort out our paperwork, our pensions, is have people understand what we want when we pass away. I lost a friend and last year and I lose friends all the time, because I now have a whole circle of friends who have had cancer or have cancer, which means I am regularly saying goodbye to people, which is really, really hard. So I'm always in this space where I'm like how do I want people to say goodbye to me. How do I want to exit this earth?
Speaker 2:and I want to exit this earth with people laughing and going Jesus Christ, so how do you, how do you, can you just tell us what life's like for you now, in terms of what you appreciate more? What's your approach to life now? Is there anything that you do now that you took for granted prior?
Speaker 3:I feel like, and actually yes, now is a good time to play that song, okay, yeah.
Speaker 6:Please do not be alarmed. Remain calm. Yeah, do not attempt to leave the dance floor. The DJ booth is conducting a troubleshoot test of the entire system. I'm one of one. I'm number one. I'm the only one. Don't even waste your time trying to compete with me. No one else in this world can think like me. I'm twisted, how contradicted. Keep him addicted. Lies on his lips. I lick it unique, lick it Unique. That's what you are. Stilettos, kicking vintage crystal off the bar Category Bad Bitch, I'm the bar Alien, superstar. Whip, whip. I'm too classy for this world. Forever, I'm that girl. Be true.
Speaker 6:Diamonds and pearl Ooh baby, I'm too classy to be touched. I paint them all in dust. I'm stingy with my love. Ooh, baby, you are. Ooh, I'm stingy with my love. Ooh, baby, you are. Ooh, I'm stingy with my love.
Speaker 6:Unicorn is the uniform you put on. Eyes on you when you perform. Eyes on eye when I put on Mastermind and haute couture Label. Horse can't clock. I'm so obscure. Masterpiece, genius, drip and trippiness. Patty cake on Mary's Tiffany. Blue billboards over that ceiling. Unique, we don't like plain. Always dreamed of paper planes. Smile high when I rodeo. Then I come down and take off again. Unique, you see pleasure in my glare, look over my shoulder, and you ain't scared the effects you have on me when you stare Head on a pillow, hike it in the air. I took classy for this world Forever. I'm that girl, be true. Diamonds and pearl Ooh baby, I'm too classy to be touched. I paint them all in dust. I'm stingy with my love, ooh baby. I got pearls beneath my legs, my lips, my hands, my hips. I got diamonds beneath my thighs when his ego will find bliss. Can't find an ocean deep that can compete with his cinnamon. Kiss, fire beneath your feet, music when you speak. You're so unique.
Speaker 1:Unique.
Speaker 6:That's what you are Lingerie, reflecting off the mirror on the bar Category. Sexy bitch, I'm the bar Alien superstar. We dress a certain way, we walk a certain way, we talk a certain way, we paint a certain way, we make love a certain way. You know, all of these things we do in a different, unique, specific way that is personally ours. I just talked my shit. Casanova, superstar, supernova, power, pulling in closer. There's your man in wahey over here.
Speaker 2:Beyonce, alien Superstar. She's a bit kinky, you know she is a bit kinky, oh gosh.
Speaker 3:Anyway, go on. But to answer your question, I am in my Beyonce era. So when that album came out the Renaissance album came out last year or end of 20, whenever it came out, end of 2021. I was just coming out of the cancer bubble. I was just coming out of the cancer haze and I was making a lot of realizations about my life. There was so much that I felt like was changing for me and I felt a bit like I was coming out of a cocoon. I felt like I was coming out of a cocoon and that album just made me, especially that song, alien Superstar. I'm one of one, I'm number one, I'm the only one. That just made me, especially that song, alien superstar. I'm one of one, I'm number one, I'm the only one. That's me. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:And all of the things that happened last year, all of my confidence that you might have seen on social media, it all was powered by a beyonce like and I'm not even a beyonce super fan, I don't even like her like that. But that album came at a time when one of my best friends passed away and she was telling me that you need to go out and you need to live life. You need to live the best life that you can, because she knew that she was going to die and we knew that I was going to live, and so it's not about living vicariously through her, but it's about understanding that and and in that moment, we're two people on a very similar journey, but one is going to live and one is going to die, and so, knowing that I have to take every single opportunity to live my very best life, even if that means making hard decisions, even if that means ending relationships, even if that means doing things that might not look like something the old Leanne would have done, the old Leanne would have stayed miserable. The old Leanne would have put up with things and would have just trundled along and been like, but this is the easiest thing to do. The new Leanne realizes that we can't just sit in what's comfortable and what seems okay on the surface when underneath we're unhappy and we're unwell. And if you know, thinking about all the things that we've talked about and what I've said, I'm somebody that takes action and there were places in my life where I wasn't taking action because I was like it's just easier to stay here and stay a bit miserable and not really upset the apple cart. But Tracy didn't want me to do that and I don't want to do that anymore and I might not have had this epiphany moment, but I really have got a second chance at life right now.
Speaker 3:So you know, we're not growing back the hair, we're not hiding behind the hair. We are going to be in our sexy era. You are going to see me out more. You are going to see me wearing clothes, even down to the way I dress. You know, good for you, man. It's not about dressing sexy, but it's about dressing confidently, wearing clothes that make me feel good, even when it comes down to spending money, money on things that I bought a car. I wouldn't have allowed myself to buy myself a car before. I can't afford that. Yeah, you can take chances, take risks, bring happiness into your life. And so beyonce, beyonce, alien superstar, powers that. That song powers that for me, and when I was making these decisions that were really, really difficult for my life, and where I'm entering my 30, the last year of my 30s and the changes in my life this year are a complete upheaval, because I refuse to sit down and be miserable any longer.
Speaker 2:Good for you, that's a lot there. What do I say to sit down and be miserable any longer? Good for you, that's a lot there. What do I say to that? Wow, that's good. I mean, I've been part of one of your renaissance. I mean, I found this out on social media that you've come out or not come out, but you've revealed that you're bisexual. And I thought for me, I mean not that you're always coming out, but I seem to reveal myself in different guises, depends what industries or areas I'm in.
Speaker 2:It's interesting me coming out and run them crew where because I use our new charlie dart from since we were seven um, there may have been some automatic assumptions that came with that in terms of in our relationship or who I was, and I had some very interesting conversations with random crew, uh members about that. We touched on it, but nothing major. So, um, not that you're always coming out, but you're always um reintroducing yourself to new people capacities, that's where I like to put it.
Speaker 2:What was that like for you? Or how has it been for you? Because fairly new for you in terms of the latest stage, not a late stage, but in terms of what you've done with a, with a, with a daughter, etc.
Speaker 3:Etc how was?
Speaker 2:that for you, or how has it been for you so far?
Speaker 3:it was something that I had to think about. I mean, no one's really no one's really commented on it, so maybe not everyone reads captions, I don't know. It's not something that I've really. My close friends know who I am, you know. But I married a man, I have a daughter, and so it's very easy for people to assume this is a straight woman. Um, and I've never. If someone wants to ask me I would, I would be honest and be like no, I'm bisexual. I love probably love women more than I love men. But I fell in love with a man and I married a man because I've also not been confident in my own appeal to women, in all honesty, and because, through the breast cancer staff and through the breast cancer awareness, I managed to work.
Speaker 3:I was at UK Black Pride this year and got in touch. Yeah, it was amazing to Tiana. She loved it, but it was about kind of one. I think people looked at me as an ally, which is great, fantastic. I'm very happy to be an ally. But it was also about realizing that I'm not just an ally, I'm a member of the community. It's not something I've ever spoken about. But then outpatients who we shared a stool with were like hey, we've got this conversation with shah bailey. And when we put out this video, they were like well, how do you identify? And I thought this is actually just an opportunity for me to just be straight. Well, not be straight as a case maybe and be like actually I am.
Speaker 3:I am bisexual and it's not that I'm ashamed of it, but I've just not openly like like I say, my friends know my you know Chris knew. I told him I don't think he took me seriously. I don't think people took me seriously because they've probably always seen me in relationships with men. They've not seen the relationships that I've had with women.
Speaker 2:So yeah, but then I've been in a relationship with a man for like 15 years yeah and so yeah just because it's my perspective, just because you identify something that's, that's who you are, you're identifying as that, but it doesn't have to be you, it doesn't have to define you. It's an aspect of you yeah, just to say that, because it took me a while to not be a slave to that, that identification, if that makes sense yeah you're still.
Speaker 2:That's a facet of you, but it doesn't tell you. So you can. You can be that with a twist, yeah, which you are anyway. Yeah, and sometimes it helps coming late into it in a way where you've got your, your identity as it is anyway. There's another asset to that, or facet to that yeah, and I've always known.
Speaker 3:I've always known I've got women. Women are the best.
Speaker 2:Leanne, thanks very much. You've been listening to 45 to 45, the soundtrack to Inspired Lives. Leanne, happy birthday again and thank you for joining us. Thank you so much. Thank you. Look at that look cheeky. Look, Guys, you can't see this. She gives a little cheeky look on the microphone as we close. Thanks very much, Leanne. Thank you Bye. 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45.