Hi everyone, it’s Judi Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 434. Pema Chodron’s book, The Places That Scare You, is subtitled, A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times. Even though the book was published in 2001, which seems to me like a universe ago, its message is just as relevant, or maybe more relevant, now.
Which is the point, because when has the world not been a place where humans need fearlessness? When has the world been a place where, for at least some (or many), fearlessness is needed because times are difficult? Sometimes I get deluded into thinking these times, with all they portend, are the worst of times, the times when fearlessness is really, really, needed.
Then I remember, we have no corner on hard times. And then I remember these are truly difficult times. In the previous chapter of the book, Chapter 16, Pema reminded us that it’s easy to be lazy about our wellbeing in these times, and I’d add, in our profession. Several of you wrote to me and agreed.
In Chapter 17, Pema offers us a perspective that can help us to not be so lazy about our wellbeing: remembering that our wellbeing isn’t just about us. “Few of us are satisfied with retreating from the world and just working on ourselves,” she says. “We want our training to manifest and to be of benefit.” I see this in law students all the time. They journal every week about their experiences with different elements of mindfulness as we work through its fundamentals throughout the semester, and each week they point to ways they have greater ease and wellbeing…and, how that wellbeing supports their relationships with their friends and families and colleagues. And not just their relationships, but those friends and family members and colleagues themselves: that a devotion to cultivating wholesome states of mind and heart pays off for them, and benefits others.
So our wellbeing isn’t just about us. We are only taking care of ourselves so that we can take care of each other. This is not a stand-alone proposition, or any kind of “alone” proposition. We inter-are, as Thich Nhat Hanh always said. Our liberation, our freedom from fear, our freedom from suffering, can only happen in community. No one is free until everyone is free.
There are six trainings that help us to be kinder, more compassionate, humans. They’re called the “paramitas,” a word which Pema says means “gone to the other shore.” The six are training in generosity, training in ethical conduct, training in patience, training in joyful energy or enthusiasm, training in meditation, and training in wisdom. When Pema says these trainings “take us to the other shore,” she’s pointing to the way they take us beyond our fear of letting go.
One way of thinking about or practicing with the paramitas is that we get onto a raft on one side of the river and we try to understand and concretize and clarify everything we encounter and by the time we get to the other shore we know what’s what, and from that perspective we know how to let go. It’s similar to the way I used to do legal research. I’d start wherever it seemed like the beginning was – on one shore. I’d have thirty books open on the conference table before electronic research, or thirty tabs open, after. Slowly, theories and ideas would come clear, connect. I would string them together into a cohesive argument with precise citations. I’d go into a meeting or mediation or courtroom and explain why everyone else should understand what I was saying as the most obvious thing, as the only reasonable thing.
Pema says to think of it differently. “This is the picture I prefer,” she says: “In the middle of the river, with the shoreline out of view, the raft begins to disintegrate. We find ourselves with absolutely nothing to hold onto. From our conventional standpoint, this is scary and dangerous. However, one small shift of perspective will tell us that having nothing to hold onto is liberating. We [can] have faith that we won’t drown. Holding onto nothing means we can relax with this fluid, dynamic world.”
Mindfulness is key here: the ability to see what’s happening in each moment, moment by moment; the ability to be in an ongoing state of inquiry. What’s happening now? How can I help now? What does this person need now? What do I need now, in order to be my best self, the best lawyer or teacher I can be, the best friend or lover or parent or child I can be?
As with everything mindfulness, the invitation is to be present, with courage and grace. And also, without layering anything on top of our experience. Think of it as a form of non-violent communication, one aspiration of which is to separate our observation of what is happening from our evaluation of what’s happening. Pema says we can think of it like this: it’s raining when we wake up. Disappointment arises because we were planning a hike. Or gladness arises because we haven’t had much rain. Mindful observation without evaluation invites us to remember that it’s just raining, and nothing additional is happening.
It’s from this place of “just this,” as the Zen students would probably say, that we can begin to cultivate generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, mindfulness, and wisdom. Or maybe “just this” is wisdom, and we start from there. Wisdom, or prajna in Sanskrit, is both the place we begin and the place we land. It’s both shores: the shore we depart from in our raft, and the shore we arrive upon after the raft has disintegrated.
These six paramitas are worthy of some exploration. Generosity alone, at least in my experience so far, is worthy of a lifetime of exploration. So over the next few Wake Up Calls let’s explore all six paramitas.
And by the way, “paramitas” also translates as “perfections,” but let’s agree to be gentle with that translation. Because at least in my experience we’re not so much about perfecting each of the six qualities, which doesn’t really feel possible, at least for me. But we are about perfecting our refusal to be lazy, and perfecting our understanding that we aren’t “becoming” any of these qualities so much as remaining dedicated to looking for liberation in that sense – that reality? – of truly having nothing to hold onto in our fluid, dynamic, world.
