Hi everyone, it’s Judi Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 435. We’re nearing the end of Pema Chodron’s book, The Places That Scare You, and she’s talking about the six qualities of a true warrior, or the “paramitas,” or perfections of mind. The first of those is generosity, or “dana” in the Pali.
One thing I find very helpful to remember in working with generosity and all of the paramitas, is that they’re practices not commandments. The teachings of mindfulness don’t command or require us to practice generosity. But they do say, generosity is one of the most important qualities of mind and heart to cultivate. And that we should cultivate it.
Generosity is really the practice of letting go – letting go of the things we hold onto, grasp for, are afraid to lose. It includes letting go of the images we have of ourselves.
The opposites of generosity show up for me, anyway, when I’m feeling fearful. Pema also says they tend to show up “when we feel unhappy, when we feel inadequate…,” and that when we feel those ways, “we get stingy; we hold on tight. Generosity is an activity that loosens us up. By offering whatever we can – a dollar, a flower, a word of encouragement – we are training in letting go.”
She mentions a traditional practice to cultivate generosity: offering an object that we cherish from one hand to the other. I find the exercise surprisingly powerful. If you have anything nearby that you cherish – a favorite mug, a photo, a dollar bill – you can try it right now. If there’s nothing at hand, you can try it in your imagination: imagine putting something you cherish in one hand, and then passing it to the other hand. And then back again. And then again. How does it feel? What comes up for you when you do this?
When I do it, I notice how much I want to hold on. I’m not giving the thing away: it’s just going from one of my hands to the other. But it feels like I’m giving it away. And then I feel a kind of grasp-y-ness in my chest and across my arms and into my hands. In case you notice anything like that, you can take heart that you’re not alone and also that it’s not just me and you: Lily De Silva, a Sri Lankan Buddhist scholar, says, …[O]ne has to fight the evil forces of greed before one can make up one's mind to give away something dear and useful….”
On the other hand Norman Fischer’s invitation, in his book The World Could be Otherwise, is different. Norman invites us to imagine that we are already fully 100% generous (and ethical, patient, enthusiastic, meditators, brimming with wisdom – ethics, patience, enthusiasm, mindfulness, and wisdom being the other five paramitas) – and to do that while knowing all along that not only is that not true, but that it’s not even possible. But, he says, it’s a powerful way of imagining ourselves moving in that direction, and so, moving ourselves in that direction. William Arthur Ward’s inspirational quote that “if you can dream it, you can become it.”
There are three types of generosity: giving materials things like food, money, clothing, medicine, and shelter; giving the gift of the dharma or the teachings of mindfulness; and giving the gift of fearlessness.
In terms of giving material things, Gil Fronsdal writes that an act of generosity entails giving more than is required, customary, or expected relative to one’s resources and circumstances…and…entails relinquishing some aspect of one’s self-interest (and thus is a giving of one’s self). The…efficacy of a gift is dependent not on the amount given but rather on the attitude with which it is given. A small donation that stretches a person of little means is considered of greater … consequence than a large but personally insignificant donation from a wealthy person. …[M]orally just acquisition of wealth and financial security [is considered to be] a skillful source of happiness [in the mindfulness teachings,] …but [not] an end in itself. Its value lay[s] in the uses to which it [is] put.
Gil continues, “The Buddha likened a person who enjoyed wealth without sharing it with others to someone digging their own grave.”
The teachings say we should enjoy generosity before, during, and after it happens. Maybe think about giving someone a raise. You realize you’re able to, and that’s a joyful moment. You give them the raise and there’s a lot of joy in the room. After, you think about how wonderful it is that you can improve someone’s material circumstances.
Giving the gift of the dharma, or the teachings, doesn’t need to be a formal thing. Whenever you bring compassion into a room full of contention, for example, you’re giving the gift of the teachings. Our youngest teacher training student, back in 2016, who was a law student during the training, observed that only one person in the room has to be practicing mindfulness and everything changes.
I’m especially committed to working with the gift of fearlessness. Practicing stepping back in groups where I’m someone with privilege, and making space for those whose voices are not traditionally welcomed, is one way I try to do that. Another is doing whatever I can to enable everyone in the room to feel comfortable and invited, like they belong. These both feel very fundamental to me right now.
As with all of the work of mindfulness, we’re mainly conditioning our own hearts and minds. Which points to the question of what the benefits are to us. And the first is, it feels good in the moment. Notice next time you’re being generous – see how it feels.
The long-term benefits of generosity are also great. The ancient texts say, one who is generous, a master of giving, is dear & charming to people at large. Good people, people of integrity, admire one who is generous. The fine reputation of one who is generous is spread far & wide. When one who is generous approaches any assembly of people – noble warriors, brahmans, householders, or contemplatives – they do so confidently & without embarrassment. After death, one who is generous reappears in a heavenly world.
Sounds like good incentive to me.
Let’s sit.
Meditation: there is enough, I have enough, I am enough
The Buddha is said to have said, if beings knew, as I know, the results of giving and sharing, they would not eat without having given, nor would the stain of selfishness overcome their minds. Even if it were their last bite, their last mouthful, they would not eat without having shared, if there were someone to receive their gift.
