In this 1st episode, Cory & and I discuss our experiences with anxiety and depression. If you like the content don't be shy. Peace & stay awkward!
In this 1st episode, Cory & and I discuss our experiences with anxiety and depression. If you like the content don't be shy. Peace & stay awkward!
spk_0: 0:34
and hi. And welcome to our very first episode of Queer Walk and Awkward. I'm your host, Ryan, on where I just discussed topics in the community that we often sweep on the garage, the rug. But it's gonna be mostly, like chill conversation with other members in the society. So today we have with us a good friend. His name is Cory. Say hello. Hello. Introduce yourselves.
spk_1: 1:26
Um, yeah, I'm Cory. I'm new to Toronto. I'm settling in very nicely. I've been gay my whole life. I've been out for probably about 11 or 12 years. Um, so I'm excited. Thio talk a little bit about the community and the issues that are affecting it.
spk_0: 1:47
Awesome. And I didn't ofcourse, I forgot Thio and just myself on the holes. My name is Ryan. I am originally from a Momma Moria gonna say in English Montreal I've moved here and spent a year now a rough year. But I made it so Intiselera in a doll, Delvin. Today's topic So in today's topic we're going talk about is a mental health, but specifically a We're gonna talk about depression and in a society, the two main common common mental problems that we have in the society. I'm just I have notes on my phone. I'm not being rude. Assume? Can you pinpoint the time as a child when you start thio struggle, which are mental Hold. I don't know if I
spk_1: 3:15
can, like, exactly pinpoint it. Um, but I guess that, like, obviously the older I got and the more I kind of understood my feelings and what they meant and everything, the more I sort of understood that, um, I was suffering from, like, depression or anxiety. Um, sort of like as my spatial awareness developed, I guess, like you become more aware of your surroundings and then you become more aware of the way you're acting around people, and you sort of realize that, like, maybe you're not acting the way people expect you
spk_0: 3:50
to.
spk_1: 3:51
Um, I'd say, like if I was gonna pinpoint an exact moment, it would probably be like after high school moving out. Um, I would have been, like 19 years old or so, um, and like getting into my first relationship. That's probably when I really realized that I had, um, like some mental health issues that I had to deal with when I started like being responsible for a relationship and having someone be dependent on you and that kind of thing.
spk_0: 4:24
I would say for me personally when I wrote this question that I was like I don't know how, but like you just it's like something that you just like a feeling I know yes, Like I don't know, I would see went in my teenage years when I was. That's when when you start to figure out who you are and you're trying, you're way more aware and he really probably see 10 years old. So I would say like like 17. 18 around there. That was also the same, the same around the same time when I started to question my sexuality because while I think they went hand in hand, like when I was questioning my sexuality and then also, um, I kind of like was aware of like the Fogger, like some because I thought it was normal, right? And then eventually I was like, No, people are actually have, you know, people actually have. They don't feel sad. Or
spk_1: 5:36
do you think that like when you started to question your sexuality and sort of realize that maybe you weren't like a straight person. Um, that you sort of maybe miss Red Bat as, like, some kind of mental health issue. Or did you separate the two things like, what do you think for you personally?
spk_0: 5:53
Well, I would say, cause I grew up in their very, um, Christian household on Dhe growing up, it was, like, instilled into me that, like, if you you know, you're not in the norm, like in the box, then you're like, something is wrong with you mentally, So I kind of, like, correlated to two a bit. And then I did my research in, and I was like, That doesn't make any sense. So yeah, I would say, but mostly signal. When I was 16 17 questioned my sexuality. I would say that the point where I felt like it was a good game. Maybe something isn't right here. You know, like
spk_1: 6:34
and like also like, dealing with those things is not necessarily good for your mental health, right? Like if you don't have a good support system around you and stuff, obviously your mental health is going to deteriorate, right? So yeah, so, being like in a really like, sort of like rigid, like Christian household or something. I'm sure that you didn't feel like there was, like, a really solid safety net around you, which is obvious, which is obviously not great for someone's head. Yeah,
spk_0: 7:02
So, like, um, when you so when you were, like, going through that period when you were trying to discover, like, you know, the state of your mental help at that time, can you remember how how you interacted with the world and how they are world interacted with you? I'd
spk_1: 7:21
say that, um, my actions were probably, like, really unhealthy because I for a long time sort of didn't except, um, that I was having issues with depression or anything. Like I always kind of knew I was to press. But it took a number of years and, like, a couple of wake up calls before I actually did something about it, Right. So, yeah, I guess it was kind of like a really long, drawn out process for me. And it took quite a while for me to realize not only was I depressed, but that I actually had to, like, do something about it to feel better. You know you like you got a kind of struggle a bit before your, um before you do anything productive or proactive.
spk_0: 8:09
Yeah. And what can you remember? Like, what are the things that you struggle with, like What? Was it like work really work related, Or were you going to school at the time? Like, how did it made you a bit aware that you weren't aware before,
spk_1: 8:23
Right? Um, it was probably less work or school or anything. And Maur, like my personal relationships with people like, I kind of watched like or well, I was in, like, a number of, like, relationships, like romantic relationships or friendships, relationships or whatever. That kind of just, like, fell apart over time and like looking back on it now, I kind of realized it's because, um myself or, you know, the other people in those relationships were like, not taking care of ourselves first. Right again. Like at the time, You don't really think about it, But looking back like, it's also clear. Yeah,
spk_0: 9:05
I would say for me personally, Um, what was it
spk_1: 9:13
like when you were going through those times? Like was it like, kind of like what was triggering, I guess for you, right? Like what? What sort of like aspects of your life affected your mental health,
spk_0: 9:30
I would say, cause I'm not like I'm better now socially. But I would say it started. I started to notice it and like a social, like I didn't know. Okay, I'm shy. But it went beyond that. Like it's not like just I'm too shy, you know? It's like I felt like it was such a barrier for me to, like, bring the energy up and, like, talk to someone and like it took all the energy out of me. So that's when I started to realize. And at that time, um, my parents enrolled me into, like this thing in church called Pathfinders. I want to kill myself this thing about it, but yeah, so it's like this thing, like we're young people, like, kind of like cadets. But put religion on top of that. So you do the same thing as cadets, but you just put God in it. So in that sense, like looking back, I was just like, not having I was not talk. I was not talking to no one. Like not a soul I was just, like, so quite in my corner and that translated and then that chance because I wasn't I didn't feel safe. An environment, Cells like I I don't want to develop, um, friendship with these people for me. I was very serious as a child in Hawaii, but I saw was like, I'm not gonna have a long lasting friendship with these people cause I know something is different and it doesn't fit so sick. I like I'm not gonna barter like making friends with you. And I think that that translated into my life and in school as well, Like when I wasn't like, in high school, I'm I'd like 12 friends like it was like mental. It was mentally draining for me to speak, to raise a conversation. Like to engage Celia so it saved and done. And, um, with depression, I feel like it was it happened so long. Like, I think I've started dealing with it like since I was a child and it went into while in the, um, well, as a teenager. So it's kind of like it was normals, so I didn't really dot took even longer for me to realize that I was depressed cause I got just come home and locked myself in my room, not even talk to my parents and be on my guitar beyond like the Internet 24 7 like on these like chat room sites and just like be online and be someone else and And I would say, Dat's when depression. That's when I I kind of knew, You know, That's like when I entered in terms I'd rather be on the Internet than interact with the world. And that's pretty stop Pretty much sums up my whole adult. I mean, adult. I'm better now. But like I would say, my adolescence use teenager. Yeah, teenage years up until, like I was 19 like I didn't like. I'll be like, Look, you know, I'm gonna go home and, like, be online and be on Inter had not talked to anyone, and then what my dad would do would be so frustrating. He would, um I'm going on attention, but like he would because you would see that I would not interact with no one order world. And he would be like, Oh, I'm gonna cut off to Internet movie. I'm like, Why would you like? I'm not doing drugs. I'm no outside. Like, you know, I'm not doing the typical like teenage. So why would you take that away from me? And it was this stupidity. Yeah, I
spk_1: 13:31
think like when you're depressed, you kind of get stuck in this, like zone where you disassociate and you don't wanna hang out with people. You don't talk to people. And, like, obviously being gay and feeling different, like that, kind of just like compounds on that already. And yeah, like you do kind of need, like a wake up call, which is probably what your dad was trying to do, I guess was just, like, jerk you out of your like stupor. Kind of like, I guess for me, like the moment I really realized I had to do something about my mental health was I was seeing this guy that I really liked. Um, and he told me that it was just like too much for him to deal with, right, Um, like seeing me be depressed and seeing me go through all this stuff and not really knowing how to deal with it. He was like, I can't be your doctor. like I can't be your medication. Like you have to go out and you have to do something or else you're just gonna be depressed forever. Yeah,
spk_0: 14:23
for sure. And was it a topic that at the time, could he could have you discussed what your parents do you think? Or did you, um, with my parents? Probably. Um, my parents are
spk_1: 14:37
separated, so I have very different relationships with both of them. Um,
spk_0: 14:43
I feel like I
spk_1: 14:44
probably could have, but because I was it was it was long distance. Like I was living in Montreal at the time on my dad was living in Ottawa, and my mom was living in Nova Scotia, right. So I didn't have my parents there. I had to rely on my friends. And so thio here, like what you do you think of as your closest friend, like your boyfriend tell you like I can't do this anymore was really jarring and made me realize that nobody was going to do anything for me that, you know, I have good friends. I have good parents and everything, but in the end, like it was ultimately my responsibility to make sure that I was okay.
spk_0: 15:19
Yeah, that topic was off limits. That was not something we talk about. Mental health. What? Who? Well, and also ties in with the black community to like there's this stigma. I don't know where it comes, where it originated from, but just to talk about your feelings, talk about your feelings, let alone your mental health and how you're doing mentally. Is this like it's not like you in my family. You just think that everything's okay? Like, yeah, you'd Axum, you'd ask someone like, Oh, how are you doing? But you don't actually really mean it, like you don't insisted and they're in. Oh, well, um well, yesterday, like I drank like a whole bottle of vodka And then, like, I threw up because I feel associating right now. And you do You don't You don't expect that response. You just say it because it's just something to say. So I I don't do everything on my own in silence. And it's not until a three like recently, like like a like a year ago to two years. Because it also helped that when a friend you know, the riven, even feelin I don't feel like his screen time now, but when I met him when I was 19 that really that really shifted the way I thought and everything in my mind, because I've never had a friend like that. All my friends, like in the past com like accommodated to the way I waas didn't call me out or anything. So I think that that helped as well to make me realize, like, Okay, maybe something is wrong, but I would say, like That's like friends wise. I couldn't talk to my parents, but friends wise, I couldn't talk to my friends eater, the friends I was surrounded by at the time, But then I didn't feel comfortable in. I didn't feel comfortable myself personally toe say anything to my friends, like the two friends that I am. So I was like, No, But then at one point I just deleted all my friends, and then I had no friends, and then Ruben came along, and I was I felt it was different, and I felt safe to talk about my mental health. So that's when I was, like, 19. That's when I started to talk to someone else. Ah, friend. Not like burning them, but just, you know, just like the surface a bit. Or you could you could have you, like friends. Could even you talked to adjourn mental heart of which your friends?
spk_1: 18:21
Yeah, Um, I'm really lucky and that I've got really good friends who have dealt with, like, their own mental health issues. Um, but there's this weird kind of balance between having friends that you can talk to about anything. Um, but not not being overbearing, not burdening them with your issues. Um, not feeling burdened by their issues like Reuben is. I also know Ruben, and that's like a one of a kind friendship where, like, he'll call you out on your shit, But he'll also be there to support you through it on Does air like the best kind of friends, right? Yeah. Yeah.
spk_0: 19:07
And like when you were talking to friends, Like how? Because, Like, if people wanted to, you know, like maybe they don't have parents, but they want to speak to their friends, and they don't know how to bring it up. What are ways that you can like, you know, suggest, like, just slip it in there? What? To your quote, like friend that you're comfortable with. Like, why would you say, How can you tell someone like how to bring up that? Well, I think
spk_1: 19:32
it's really important to just be honest with your friends. Like, is honest as you can be. Um, like, um, this is this isn't really about me, but, like, recently a friend and I were supposed to, um, go to her friend's hosts and just kind of, like, hang out. My friend was gonna die our hair, cut her hair or something. Um, the other friend was gonna help. But the third friend who I hadn't actually met at the time message my friend and said, um, you know, I'm having a really bad mental health day. I don't know if I want to have my hosts, you know, full of people, especially like people. I haven't really met or anything. Um, so I think it's just really important to be honest with people. And, um, tell him exactly how you're feeling, and your true friends will accept that and not, you know, like, if you're having a bad mental health day and you don't think that you can go out and, you know, go to the bar with people or something. Your true friends won't. I think that you're you know anything less because of that, right? They'll accept that. Will say, take time for yourself. Make sure you're okay. We'll hang out some other time.
spk_0: 20:46
Yeah, I think the camera. One ounces. Give me one thing in consent. My time. All right. I put in 19 hours and 7 19 minutes.
spk_1: 20:58
Commercial, Right? Um, yeah, I guess. Like on continuing on this topic of being able to talk to your friends, Most of my friends again. I'm really lucky, um, in having friends that have dealt with mental health issues before and kind of understand where I'm coming from. And I don't
spk_0: 21:24
know if
spk_1: 21:24
I've surrounded myself with those people on purpose or by accident, but either way, it's definitely worked out well for me and that I have really accepting people around me, really accepting queer people as well. I think mental health is in a huge issue in the queer community, and I think there's a lot of, like, undiagnosed mental health issues. Um, which is maybe, you know, kind of just spitballing here. But maybe that's why I like it took me personally so long to acknowledge my depression and that I had to do something about it. Because being a gay person, you feel like you're already dealing with so much in society isn't going to accept you in the first place. So to have like to have that kind of snowball and just be, like, adding more and more onto it, like depression and anxiety, like you don't want to go outside. You don't want to talk to new people. You're afraid of straight people or something. Like it just feels like a lot, I guess.
spk_0: 22:38
19 hour 19. All right, so we're back visually ing sorry for that little that little bit right there. Work in progress, work in progress. So, yeah, that is true. It's all about having some as long as you is hard. But as long as you you just know when you have people in your life that you can, you can talk to, and that's always That's always helpful. So, did you seek any professional help?
spk_1: 23:20
Um, I did. I did seek professional help. I was seeing a therapist for a boat, I guess. Probably about three months. Um, about two years ago, and I hated it. I absolutely did not like it at all. I don't think it was, um a good pair like myself and my therapist, Not not nothing against her. It's just that some people don't fit together. Right? Um, I've heard from friends that it's really important to, um, sort of like trial your options, right? And maybe you have to go through like, 20 different therapists before you find the one that works for you. Or maybe you need to be doing therapy and taking medication at the same time, like there's different things that work for different people. Um, for me, what I found works is just staying busy, being honest with all my friends about how I feel on and surrounding myself with the people that I want to be around. Like if somebody doesn't respect me and my mental health or my emotions or whatever I'm done with that person, I'm not gonna hang out with them anymore, because I know that that's just like, ah, hole that's just keeps going down further and further and further, and it's not good for either of us,
spk_0: 24:43
I would say for me I didn't seek professional help. Like like I said, I couldn't bring it up to my parents on DDE. There's also stigma a stigma about, Um, seeing a therapist also in like the black community is like kind of like taboos like we're going to see the terrible is like, You're crazy, you know, like is no, it's a normal thing, you know, like some people. Some people need to speak to someone else. That's not their friends to help give them an eject objective opinion. But like for me and my family link mentioning that you want to see a therapist will look at you like there would be like like a side. I like you. Is everything okay? So I would say that wasn't the options, but I would say like myself, diagnose myself like I didn't get this in like an official official like diagnosis. But I feel like, honestly, like North Link not to offend anyone, But I feel personally that, you know, you know, only it's it's also good to see Stasi perfect professional help and professional diagnosis you so you know exactly. But I also feel personally that when you see your brain right, so you feel that something is off for some things. All right, So, you know, you know what? You're doing it because there's Google. You know, like there's like, there wasn't that back in the day. Like you go on Google, you type in your symptoms and like, Boom, bam, you have, like, a just and you can relate when people talk about if you search up YouTube or they talk about the symptoms that you have and anybody Okay, but yeah, I wouldn't said and I didn't see it there. I didn't see a therapist cause I was, like, not an option. I think
spk_1: 26:40
like it's really important to see a therapist if you feel you need Thio. Um and like like you were saying, like obviously you know, yourself, you know your body, you know, your brain. You know what sets you off on what holds you back? What lifts you up on what makes you feel better? Um, but it's really helpful to have that objective voice like you were talking about to be kind of like a sounding board Thio throat ideas to our tow. Have them throw ideas out to you. Like when I first saw my therapists, Um I can't remember what I was diagnosed with. But, um, when I first heard it the very first time, I was like, What? No, that's crazy. Like I don't have bad. Like, I'm just depressed. Like it's not because of I think they said it was because, um, I had gone through a period of my life where I had just gone through a lot of changes really quickly. Um, and I was kind of like in shock or sort of not dealing with all those changes really well. And I was like,
spk_0: 27:37
What are you talking
spk_1: 27:38
about? Like, I'm fine dealing with all those changes, but looking back on it, um, I did probably do too much too fast, and, um,
spk_0: 27:47
her
spk_1: 27:47
diagnosis was probably correct. So yeah, it is really good to have somebody there to look atyou objectively to, um, you know, Thio give you an idea about how the rest of the world my view you are what you're going through on DDE help you get over it or at least deal with it better. But again at the same time, like you do know yourself best and ultimately, like, you have to make the decisions that are best for you. Your therapist isn't gonna make those decisions for you.
spk_0: 28:25
So since I didn't seek professional help So, like for me like, yeah, like I really like my self diagnose myself like when I was probably like, 18 18 18 17 going into 18 18 years old. That's when I was like I was looking up, like on on YouTube. Like, I like search like depression and the social anxiety and look up the symptoms. And people like talking about their experience, which social anxiety. And I was just like, down this Me, The senator was like, Okay, so maybe like that, that kind of quick So that and then with depression, I did the same thing. Thio read article on articles and articles were it therapist Lee right online. And I'd also, like, look on YouTube and yeah, but I would also say like you said, like if you feel the need that you need, uh, like professional help, go ahead and you know, like, get it like you do do what's right for
spk_1: 29:32
you because it's like again, like again. There's only so many things your friends can do for you, and they want to be there for you as much as they can. But a therapist is a professional who is able to deal with these things on an objective level, Um, without letting their emotions come into play without, um, without thinking about, you know, their own feelings and that kind of thing. They're able t separate the patient from the person. Kind
spk_0: 30:01
of. Yeah. So, like,
spk_1: 30:04
again like at the time when I was seeing my therapist, I was like, This isn't good. This isn't right. I don't want to keep doing this, But looking back like, it definitely kind of awakened me a little bit
spk_0: 30:14
more. I would say, like, now, like in like when I'm, like, now 23. So I would say, like, Yeah, now, like I'm interested in, like, seeking, you know, like, maybe like meaning and therapists. And see how that you know how that is. Because I've been doing with this, like, on my whole life on my own. So I like the idea of, like, speaking to a professional like interest me now. So I think that in the future, like in the future, I will, like, definitely, like, see a therapist and see If that works for me, then it works. And if it if it doesn't, it doesn't. But, like, at least I tried, you know? Yeah. What? What really is kind of Lee? I really want to know. Like why? Anxiety. Like any form of anxiety, Like for me? Personally, I I think that I shall do it is social anxiety. Maybe Could be more, I don't know, but the commenting, a team of, like, anxiety and depression, like, Why? Why is that? Why do so many queer people struggle with that? Like, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it like maybe you can put like, your opinion or two cents.
spk_1: 31:34
I feel like it's because, um, queer people or I mean, however you identify are used to having their identity is not accepted by people like I grew up in a small rural community. My high school had, like, six or 700 people at it. There were two gay kids, and I was one of them. Um, so, like, people are always looking at you. People are bullying you. People are calling you names. Um, even teachers, sometimes you don't feel comfortable around them. So, like growing up with like, Ah, different kind of identity as a queer person and then all the people around you makes you anxious. It makes you worried all the time. Um, and that obviously carries through into your later life like you don't unlearn habits in a day, and that's that's a huge part of it. I
spk_0: 32:23
think I would say I agree with you to weigh a lot of like, a lot of where my depression and anxiety stump from The goals were hand in hand with my sexuality and my and how I identify, like with my gender. It, like, plays hand in hand because they if I didn't have to worry about all of this like, I don't feel like it like I would like it would be so Don, like all of this problem, like will not be there like May will be there, but not to an extent that I feel like it's so much more heightened, like it Sze like so much more. How can you say that? It's like it's so it's like it's so much more prevalent because I have to. I had to go through like, accepting myself. I had to accept myself. And then I threw out. You had to like. It's like it's so exciting. Doesn't be like Well, obviously, now it's more accepting like society except somewhere but still for you personally to be legal. Yeah, hi. You know, I identified this way or I'm gay or bisexual or whatever. Like you have to go out of lake is like straight. People don't do that like you have to go out of your way to, like, say, for some people could be like a personal thing, a private thing. Some people are cool. It'd but then and it still takes a toll like still has a toll on you mentally. Like when you just when you were first coming out and like coming into your you as a person, Then you add your sexuality into it. I feel like it. It's like taxing on the mind like you have to disclose this information is like, Oh, yeah, by the way, sleep with this person like, oh, identify this way. Just
spk_1: 34:06
like like the's things that seem totally normal. Tow us because we grew up that way. And that's just who we are. Don't seem normal to some other people And did you feel like you have to justify that to people or explain it to people like wire this way? Oh my God, it makes me anxious just thinking about it. I shouldn't have to do that, but I do because that's just the world that we live in, right?
spk_0: 34:34
And is this like this is like when I'm like, Yeah, it's just it's it's Ah, it's not that it's not the best, you know, Like, I'm glad that, like now in society, um, it's being more and more accepted thing going after how many years bowling alleys, except for one thing, also is like less anxiety inducing. But you still have that, like, you know you have like the angel in the devil. It is like that little person in your head. It's just like, oh, maybe I'm not gonna accept, you know, And then you have to fight, which has a job. Oh, I don't care like like fuck them. If they don't care about you like you, like you're struggling, you know that in your head. So is, like kind of kind of taxing on the mind. So there's a segment they do like in the wrapping wants to wrap it all up. Is this Ah, it's called queer Awkward loans where you share an awkward moment recently your whole life whenever. Just an awkward moment that happened to you.
spk_1: 35:51
Um, the thing that instantly comes to mind. Probably the most awkward moment that I've ever had in my entire life. Haven't me in high school, um, with my boyfriend at the time, who was the only other openly gay person at my high school as far as I knew. Anyways, um, we were at a dance together and we were slow dancing, and I leaned in to kiss him, and he had just had his septum pierced and we bumped noses. And as soon as we bump noses, got a nosebleed. And so I myself already felt like everybody was watching us. Like these two guys are, like, touching each other and dancing together and Oh, my God, they're kissing and oh, my God, He's bleeding. So that was probably, like, the most embarrassing. Like, we're awkward moment of my life.
spk_0: 36:34
Yeah, I would say for me, I'm full. I'm full now. Call clear. Like I But I would say if I have to fake one out of my memory jar. I would say, on my first day of high school there is the steps to get Thio like the stuffs. Like, um, there is a little, like, huge, huge steps that you have to go up a big Yeah, exactly. And then there were stacked up against each other. So I had my backpack on and then I was like, I was like, Okay? And like, I'm going up the steps and I'm doing this, you know? And then league right before I'm like on the on the ground I trip and I fall in a bang my head on the concrete And I started to believe from my nose, and it's just like you can't really like if I just fell in the and get up, you know? But like you can like for me, I couldn't get up, get up from that leg graciously. So you thought I was like, hey, eyes on my back, like on white my nose. And then, like I went in and I can hear like, you know, freaking teenagers their second double double, most of them like they're so I'm going to hear, like, the people that saw me laugh in the background and those thanks for never what
spk_1: 38:05
I really needed. Thank you. Feel great. That makes me feel so good hearing you laugh at me. That's wonderful. Thanks.
spk_0: 38:14
I know. Thank you. Thank you very much. So just a wrap it all up. What would be your advice for young people in the LGBT community that are struggling with their mental health? What advice would you give them?
spk_1: 38:32
My advice would definitely be. Don't be afraid of your feelings. They're perfectly normal and natural. Get help if you need help. But don't feel like you need to be ashamed of yourself. Don't feel like you're the only person who's ever gone through this. Don't feel like, um, there's not a support system for you. Because, like, we were saying at the beginning, like you can be hard if you don't have a nice safety net around you if you don't have a good support system. But we all have stuff to deal with. We've all gone three stuff. We're all able to help each other, and I think most of our community is really willing to help each other, so yeah, don't be afraid of your feelings.
spk_0: 39:14
Yes, yes, yes, that's very good advice, I would say also that as well. And if you feel city, just feel it. You know, just feel the emotions, especially when your teenager everything is heightened to the max. So don't feel bad. If you feel sad or angry or whatever, it's better to let it out done to keep it in, because that's what I did. Like I kept it in and I regretted, like I'd rather much Ratter Thio have let it out. Maybe some three sports. Or if if you want to talk to friends, family, whatever helps, would you cry? I don't know, like whatever you feel for you, just to let your emotion l just let it out. It's because I feel like it's more emotionally damaging. If you keep everything in because we're human, can just, you know, we can't just, like handle a CZ. Much is like the roses wants us to handle everything on our own, and we're just fine. It's It's okay, Thio let it out like if you want to cry in public, cry in public, it's not, then it's not then the world. If you have a breakdown in public like a cool look at you. Funny I did recently. No. But after that, I felt I felt so much better. Yeah. So, yeah, that's my advice. Which just to be just let it out, let it all out. Anything else you'd like to say?
spk_1: 40:48
Um, I think I think that like I was saying, everyone goes through stuff and we're very willing to help each other as humans. But if you're queer, you have You do have a next rest support system. Like you don't just have the community as a whole that you're living in. You have a worldwide community of queer people that are ready to help you. Um, I have a good friend who used to say all the time way live in a world where we're taught not to talkto our neighbors, not to help each other, not to do these things. But if you're crying on the subway, people might. Some people might look at you funny, but there's always gonna be that one person who comes up to you and ask you if you're okay foolishly then happened. Always thinking no, But sometimes there's a good chance.
spk_0: 41:40
Yes, yes, that's my other awkward moment to it happened, like, 23 weeks ago. I was on the phone and the friend was telling me something I didn't want to hear if they didn't want to deal with. It surfaced up because I internalized I internalize a lot of things on the surface stuff, but I just I broke down crying. And then I saw at the corner of my eye was like looking down on the corner of my eye. I saw someone sat like, Sit down right next to me on They turned her head and they saw me. And then they took their bags, went to the other saddles like grain. Thanks for making me feel even more shitty. Thank you. Right. Left. Thanks for joining me, Cory. On my first. After. So this'll was fun with this one.
spk_1: 42:29
Let's do this again sometime.
spk_0: 42:31
All right, so thanks for joining us. Let me just turn. It's on on. They'll say goodbye. It's so much fun when you have to record. I mean, 19 seconds. I mean, 19 minutes, 1919 minutes. So thank you for joining us meat on this first podcast. It was a pleasure. Cory, you're very easy to talk to getting quality, too. So it's you. So next podcast would be out. It's so it's Ares. One podcast every two weeks. One pass, one podcast every two weeks. Eventually, I can if you guys let me know. I could do one a week once every week. Yeah. Thank you for joining me. I don't know. I need to have, like, a cash. I know you like. I have to come up with a cast eventually. Elcoteq ashtrays. But for now,
spk_1: 43:55
you're black and awkward. Yeah. Queer, black and gray.