Athlete Tip: How to Thrive Under a Challenging Coach

Get ready for another productive session with Coach Bree as she delves into empowering athletes to thrive under challenging coaches.

If your daughter has encountered difficult experiences with a challenging coach, this podcast is right for you.

But what makes a challenging coach? What are the things that you can say or do to help your athlete daughter thrive under this direction?

In this episode, get your note-taking apps ready as we discuss about:

• How important is shifting your daughter’s mindset from being a victim to a victor
• What does it take to understand a coach’s strengths and weaknesses
• What is the result of establishing open communications with her coach

Episode Highlights:

[2:09:6] Does your daughter tell you about a coach that she can’t agree with, or doesn’t give feedback, or always yells? Tune in to this episode because we will share practical ways to help your athlete daughter thrive in this challenge.

[03:29:27] How can your daughter change her perspective from being a victim to a victor? Listen up as we discover doable steps to shift this perspective towards becoming a better athlete.

[4:03:06] What your daughter may not realize is that she could give her coach all the power to control her confidence. In this episode, listen in as we talk about how your athlete daughter could regain the power in their confidence and sports experience. 

[05:33:01] How can a challenging coach make your athlete daughter tougher, stronger, and better? Stay tuned as we talk about the mental disciplines that are helpful for your daughter to thrive under a challenging coach.

[06:25:22] How do you help your athlete daughter see their situation with a challenging coach as a good thing? Listen in as we discuss the kind of mindset to develop so that your daughter can see that their coaches are also humans.

[06:44:00] Overthinking could affect your daughter’s confidence especially when she believes that her coach has been thinking about her mistakes. In this episode, learn about what coaches are actually thinking outside of their games.

[08:36:00] What would happen when your athlete's daughter starts thinking about their coach’s strengths? Keep it here as we share with you the amazing things that happen when your child starts focusing on her coach’s strengths.

[10:08:00] Do you know that while some coaches are not good with the delivery of their feedback, they are still full of nuggets of information for the sport? Learn about the different ways that a challenging coach could still coach your athlete daughter as you stay tuned. 

Next Steps:

• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms - How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter's Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
• Visit our podcast website for more great episodes

Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission and leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Racing Elite Competitors Podcast. I'm Coach Bree, a mental performance coach for girl athletes and athletes. I am excited that you're here. This is a special athlete tip episode. So if you are an athlete, this is for you. Today we're talking about challenging coaches. So if you've ever had a challenging coach, whatever that means to you whether you just don't jive with their personality, you don't like how they're giving feedback or not giving feedback at all, or maybe they're a yeller, whatever it is, the style just isn't working for you in some way. It's challenging then what we're talking about today will be something that you can apply right away, because it can be tough if you try to have a coach like that. But we're going to flip it so that this is actually something that will make you a better athlete and not something that is just be the thing that you hang your hat on for the reason that you're not playing how you want to play. So we're going to dive into that Now, before we do, I want to give a shout out to an athlete in our community.

Speaker 1: 0:53

This athlete is going through our program called the Elite Mental Game. This program is for girl athletes to gain a competitive edge in their sport. So Sheridan is the athlete. So, sheridan, if you're listening, I'm giving you a shout out. She texted us this the other day. She said it's going really well. So EMG is going really well.

Speaker 1: 1:10

I used my mental reset this morning in practice and it helped a lot. I felt so much calmer. To be honest, when my mom wrote me into this I didn't think it would work, but I'm seeing it help in my day-to-day life. Thank you so much. All right, sheridan, props to you because, yes, while your mom maybe presented the opportunity for you to be in this program with us, you are the one that is running with it and doing the work, because you see how important training the mental side of your game is as an athlete. All athletes train the physical side of their game. You're not special if you go to practice and you even do some work outside of practice. That's like the bare minimum. In order to really set yourself apart, you have to do things differently, and part of that is learning how to train the mental side of your game. So the fact shared in that you are doing that, you're doing your mental reset, you're feeling calmer and that is really going throughout your sport and other areas of your life. That is just a testament to the type of athlete that you are, so keep going.

Speaker 1: 2:09

All right, let's talk about our episode today how to thrive under a challenging coach. Now, the first thing I want to talk to you about athletes is that right out the gate. Well, first of all, here's a little side note. I am not talking about coaches that are abusive. So if you suspect that you have an abusive coach, this means somebody who is physically abusing you or verbally abusing you. That's not what we're talking about in today's episode. If you suspect that is happening or you know that is happening, you immediately need to talk to your parent and or, in addition to that, your athletic director or your director, something like that. You need to get help involved. So I'm not talking about that.

Speaker 1: 2:38

I'm talking specifically about coaches that are challenging to you, because maybe you don't understand their strategy, you don't understand why you're not playing, maybe you don't like the way they give you feedback, or maybe they're not giving you feedback and you want it and you don't know why you're not getting it, or maybe you think this coach plays favorites, or they yell too much or they don't yell enough. Whatever it is, you're finding it challenging and that's normal. Okay, here's what I want you to know right out the gate. I want you to change your perspective of this from this is terrible and my coach is cutting my confidence, and this is a terrible season because of my coach to. This actually is an opportunity for me to be better as an athlete. I know that might sound really bizarre, but instead of playing what we call the victim in this situation, this means like it's all the coach's fault I want you to shift it and see if you can look at this through a lens of this could actually be the reason why and how I get better as an athlete. I in fact, want you to see this as a good thing. If you're like I don't know how this could ever be a good thing, then we're going to talk about it, because that is the reality that has happened to many athletes that I coach and work with inside the Elite Mental Game, that they have totally flipped this situation because they're not giving their coach the power anymore. I want you to just let that sink in.

Speaker 1: 3:57

Right now, what you're doing is you're giving your coach all the power. They have control of your confidence. They have control of what thoughts you're thinking about yourself. You are literally just leaking your power and giving it to this person. Now I get it. The coach is somebody that you want to potentially impress. They hold the power of playing time. You want to make sure that you're in good favor. There's a lot of those things going on. There's some power dynamic, but when it comes down to it, you are in control of your confidence. You are in control of your experience in your sport Not saying that coaches and teammates and things don't influence it, but ultimately you decide what experience you're going to have, and if you're going to give this coach all of the power or if you're going to have their words be the thing that you're just going to like hang on to forever.

Speaker 1: 4:49

You don't have to do that. So right now, I really want you just to shift your mindset from. This is happening to me. Right, that's a victim, like everything is happening to me too. This is happening for me. Having this coach and I'm maybe I'm not quite sure how, but having this coach is actually something that is good for me. This is happening to me to be a better athlete, and then it's up to you to put your very powerful mind to work to find what that is. You're going to hunt and you're going to seek what it is that this situation, this challenging coach, is actually doing for you to make you a better athlete. And maybe that is I'm getting tougher, I'm getting stronger. I am not letting other people's opinions of me dictate how I feel about myself. Those are all things that are actually going to make you a better athlete, especially if you want to go on and play at a higher level, because, guess what, you're not always going to choose your coach. You're going to have coaches that are wonderful and that you really love their coaching style, and then you're going to have coaches that you don't. But the true, like, the best athletes are the ones that can still learn from that.

Speaker 1: 5:51

Coaches that are not coaching in the style that you like, or are not the ones that you drive with super well. They don't use that coach as an excuse of why they didn't get better that season or anything like that. They actually use that coach as the excuse for I got better that season because I really had to work harder. I had to work harder to make sure that my thoughts were really productive. I had to work harder to make sure that I wasn't putting my confidence in somebody else's hands. So that is the first thing I want you to focus on is, see, this is a good thing. This is happening for you, not to you, okay.

Speaker 1: 6:20

The other thing I just want you to know is that coaches are human. You are not going to jive with every coach that you have and coaches are human being that they have their own personalities, they have their own lives. They make mistakes, believe it or not. They're also not thinking about you 24 seven. Sometimes we think that coaches are looking at our mistakes always and like thinking certain things about us. Like that's actually not true. And I'm a coach as well, and I'll tell you right now, a lot of times not a lot of times but I'll hear athletes be like, oh, and you were thinking this about this. I'm like no, I actually wasn't thinking anything about that. You know, coaches have lives of their own. A lot of them have families, and so when you're thinking they're like ruminating about your mistakes or they're thinking negatively about you, like likely, they're not likely. They're leading practice and they're going home to their families and they're thinking about all of the other things that go on in their lives.

Speaker 1: 7:11

And so I say that because I don't want you to get hung up on what your coach is thinking about you. They're likely not thinking about you as much as you think they are, and I'm not saying that in a bad way. That's actually a good thing, because you, first of all, can't know what people are thinking. Second of all, it's none of your business what somebody else is thinking. Let's stop wasting our time doing that.

Speaker 1: 7:31

It is a waste of time to try and figure out what your coach is thinking about you and, to be honest, it's making you worse. You worrying about what a coach is thinking about you or what they're going to do is making you hesitate. It's making you play afraid. It's making you play in a way that you're better than, and so let's stop worrying about what coaches are thinking and also realize they're human. They've got lots of stuff going on in their lives too, like coaching is likely a small part of their life. It's an important part of their life, but they have a lot of other things and they do make mistakes, just like you do, okay, and so let's give them that grace as well to see them as human and that they're not always gonna get it right, and they also can't read your mind If you're thinking something or you're upset about something they don't potentially know, and so that's really on you to make sure that you are speaking up, that you're advocating for yourself, and I'll talk a little bit about some ways that you can do that, but they don't know what you're thinking either.

Speaker 1: 8:23

Okay, now the next part that I really want you to think about is what are your coaches strengths? Just like you, you have strengths and weaknesses in your sport, in life. Okay, there's things that you're really good at, and maybe, if I'm really organized and I'm detail-oriented, right, maybe that's one of your strengths, but, you know, maybe I'm not as great at public speaking. Okay, and that's just your strengths and weaknesses. No coach is going to have 100% of the things perfect. No coach is going to be amazing at everything, and so what are your coach's strengths? And so maybe you have a coach that, like, they yell a lot, but you know what they're really good at strategy. Or maybe this coach doesn't deliver feedback in a way that makes a lot of sense half the time, but you know what. They care about me a lot and they care about my progress. Find one or two things that your coach is good at and they're in that position for a reason, whether or not you agree with it, whatever. But find what their strengths are and, instead of wishing that their weaknesses were stronger, I want you to be grateful for their strengths and see how their strengths are helping you.

Speaker 1: 9:27

Okay, now, specifically about coaches that yell a lot or you know you don't like the feedback they're giving. The best way that I can describe this is see all feedback as a gift. All feedback. Everything your coach is telling you is a gift. And you know how some people wrap their gifts in beautiful bows and it looks really nice and you're like, yeah, thank you, I love this gift. That's like coaches who deliver feedback in a way that's really positive and encouraging to you. And then sometimes people wrap presents in like newspaper and it doesn't really look very good, but there's still a gift inside.

Speaker 1: 9:59

Those are like those coaches that like maybe aren't great with the delivery, but they're still giving you some sort of nugget of information, and maybe they some coaches have a more of a negative personality. So they're still giving you feedback, they're still coaching you, but maybe it sounds negative because they're pointing out things that you can improve on, I want you to find the gift, find the gifts in everything that they're saying. So if it's like, come on, like you've got to get back on defense you haven't done that this last however many times Like you could either cling on to oh my gosh, he's yelling at me, or she's yelling at me because I haven't gotten back on defense, and or you can take that as wow, they're coaching me, they're helping me get better. Right, when your coach stops coaching you, that's when you need to be concerned.

Speaker 1: 10:32

Now, if your coach is not giving you feedback, that's another situation where you need to advocate. You need to say what you need. They might think everything is great because you haven't said anything, right. But just having a quick meeting like hey, coach, I have a practice. Can I just chat with you for a second? Can you help me understand how I can get better at passing? Can you help me understand why I'm not getting the playing time that maybe my role requires? Or can you help me understand what my role is on this team and how much playing time is associated with it? All of those things are great ways where you can open up that communication with your coach, because coaches do want to talk to you. They want to know.

Speaker 1: 11:04

Most coaches coach because they're invested in you and in their team and in what they're doing. Coaches don't get into coaching because they don't like coaching right and they don't like athletes right. They're in it because they care about you, and so I want you to approach it from that mindset. Not like my coach won't talk to me, and even if you don't get all the answers that you want because you might not still see this as a win and know that when you advocate for yourself and you speak up to your coach and you open up lines of communication, you're just going to improve that relationship and things are just going to get way better for you. Okay, now I'll leave you with this.

Speaker 1: 11:39

Why do you play your sport? Why, right? There's a reason why you're putting in all this time. There's a reason why you're putting in all this effort, and it's likely because you enjoy it. It's fun, you're good at it, and so I want you to keep those things at the center.

Speaker 1: 11:52

Do not let a coach take your confidence. That is your choice. Okay, I know coaches influence things, but get back to why you play and decide that you're going to go into practice no matter what your coach says, no matter what your coach does, you're not going to try and figure out what they're thinking. You're not going to tear them apart. So in your head, you are just going to do what you love, and that is your sport.

Speaker 1: 12:16

Do not give another coach or another person the power that you should be keeping yourself. You decide every day how you're going to play and how you're going to feel, so that's really what I want you to leave you with. So, inside the elite mental game, we coach athletes all the time on how to have productive conversations with their coaches, because oftentimes that's necessary and a lot of times you don't get the support you need to help have that conversation, and that's exactly what we empower athletes to be able to do. But really it does start with you. It starts with you deciding that you are not gonna give your power away anymore and that you're going to enjoy your sport regardless of what your coach is doing or saying. All right, athletes. I hope this is helpful. Go out and crush.