Getting Your Daughter 'On Board' With Mental Training. How This Mom Did It!

What would you do if, upon discovering that mental training could greatly improve your daughter’s athletic performance, your daughter doesn’t want to get on board with you?

In this podcast, sport mom Malinda shared about what led her to discover the mental training in our signature Elite Mental Game and how this tool shifted her mindset that flowed to her daughter and the rest of her household.

What’s covered:

• A sports mom’s journey from heartbreak to breakthrough
• What should be done (and not done) to get your athlete daughter on board the mental training
• How mental training benefits the sports mom, the athlete daughter, and their whole family

If you’re ready to discover the game-changing power of mental training not only for yourself, but also for your athlete daughter, this podcast is the safe space for you. Tune in!

Episode Highlights: 

[00:00:19] Whether you’re just getting into sports or you have a lot of seasons under your belt, you can raise a confident, mentally strong girl athlete, just like what Malinda discovered inside our signature mentor training program.  

[00:03:59] Is there anything helpful that you could say to your athlete daughter when, after she was cut from her tryout despite all her preparations, she announced that she will never play that game again? Listen in as Malinda shares how she navigated this heartbreak.

[00:06:21] When your daughter is not quite keen about joining the ECP but you know how transformative the program is going to be, you can access our tools that can help you with the buy-ins.

[00:07:18] But even if your kid is not a hundred percent bought in at first, it’s still alright because half of the program is for you and how you need to understand your role in all of this.

[00:08:17] As an athlete mom, you could still dive into the ECP despite your kids not convinced, because they will soon notice the changes in your reaction. Malinda shared how even her whole household changed when she started to shift her focus and used our available tools.

[10:38:00] ]Listen as Malinda shared her excitement when her athlete daughter tried out again for volleyball and making it to the B team after she finally got on board with her in the ECP. What a huge progress indeed!

[13:05:00] One of our tools in the ECP works like a failure recover system wherein athletes find a way to respond to moments of failure in such a way that increases their confidence from knowing that they have made the best preparations.

[15:48:00] Are you still on the fence of joining the ECP? Tune in as Malinda talked about how she started from being outside the fence to making the shift and discovering a game-changing path for her, her daughter, and her whole family.

[17:24:00] Have you also reached a point in your life when you wished that your daughter will just quit her sports because it has been adding so much stress to her and your whole family? Tune in as Malinda navigated through this heartbreaking experience with the ECP and discovered a different approach as a parent that changed the directory of her daughter’s athletic life. 

Next Steps:

• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms - How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter's Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
• Visit our podcast website for more great episodes

Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission and leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome back to the Raising Elite Competitors podcast. I'm Coach Bree, a mental performance coach for girl athletes, and I am so happy that you are here for this special episode where I'm interviewing a mom inside our signature mental training program, the Elite Mental Game. She has so many good nuggets to share. I can't wait for you to get into it Now. Whether you are a sports mom or dad who is just getting going on the sports journey with your athlete, or you have a lot of seasons under your belt, this podcast is for you to help how to raise a confident, mentally strong girl athlete. So you are in the right place Now.

Speaker 1: 0:31

This episode is actually a rebroadcast of an interview that I did recently with sports mom Melinda. Melinda is a mom to a volleyball athlete and a lacrosse athlete, and her and her daughter recently went through the elite mental game. And I'll be honest, melinda told me that her daughter at first was not quite on board with mental training. Melinda was like this is exactly what my daughter needs. She's trying to get to the next level. She needs these skills. Yep, we're in. And then when she presented it to her daughter, it did not go over so well, and I know that some of you were in this place also, you're like, yeah, this is exactly what my daughter needs. The mental side of the game is so important. She needs the skills to navigate what all athletes face nerves, pressure, comparison, mistakes, all the things and that's actually what's gonna allow her to separate herself as an athlete, give her competitive advantage, help her be more confident. But then presenting it to your daughter can sometimes be a challenge. Now we have resources to help you with this. We'll talk about in this episode. But I am excited for you to listen to how Melinda went about it, really, what she did and what she didn't do to help her daughter get on board, because now she is fully bought in. She is doing the skills she's talking about, how she's using her snapback routine, and it's great. But Melinda provides a lot of insight on how she was able to initiate not just initiate that conversation with her daughter, but how she got her eventually on board to not only do the program but start to see the results of the program.

Speaker 1: 1:50

Now, before we get into this interview with Melinda, I want to give a shout out to a mom in our community. Her name is Dana. She posted this inside our community with moms who are going through our program. She said we started this program at the end of a very hard fall soccer season. I just wanted to help my kiddo get her spark and her joy back. But after our first preseason tournament this weekend, I think we may have gotten even more than we were hoping for.

Speaker 1: 2:12

To hear her coach praising not only her confidence, but to hear the words creative and courageous, I just can't stop crying happy tears over here. This program, I can't even. I love this. I also got a little happy teary eyed when I read this, because that is really what it comes down to getting her spark and her joy back. And not only that, but being creative, being courageous, seeing that confidence actually play out. Because you know that's in your daughter, you know what's in there, like she can be that player. She just needs the opportunity to develop the skills to unlock that. So congratulations, dana. I'm so happy for you and I'm cheering for you and your daughter.

Speaker 1: 2:46

All right, let's get into this episode with Melinda. Like I said, this is an interview that I did recently with her, so you will notice that is scripted, as you might anticipate, for a podcast episode, but that's what makes it real and that's what makes it candid, and I hope that you can glean a lot from Melinda's experience. All right, moms, I'm Coach Bree. I will see you in the next episode of Raising Elite Competitors podcast. So, melinda, welcome. Tell me how old is your daughter? What sport does she play?

Speaker 2: 3:12

McKenna is she's actually gonna be 14 in a month. She plays volleyball and lacrosse.

Speaker 1: 3:17

Oh nice, I miss the lacrosse. Okay, and what is she in both seasons?

Speaker 2: 3:21

right now. So she's in club season right now for volleyball and then during the week she plays modified. So she's in eighth grade lacrosse. So she has modified lacrosse Monday through Friday and then volleyball practice at night and then tournaments on the weekend.

Speaker 1: 3:36

Yeah, so it sounds like it's nuts. Okay, and if we can't already tell from the accident, where are you from?

Speaker 2: 3:43

Oh, so we're from New York. We're about 90 minutes north of Manhattan, in a town called New Paltz, which is in the Hudson Valley beautiful area. We actually live on a farm, which a lot of people don't associate New York with farms, but we live on a farm. I know.

Speaker 1: 3:55

Whenever you say New York, I'm like, oh, you live in the city. We moved into this area, it's just the college town.

Speaker 2: 4:06

It's just a beautiful place. That's a huge rock climbing place. A lot of sports, a lot of outdoor sports, a lot of endurance sports. Trainers come here to train for big events.

Speaker 1: 4:15

Awesome. So you're an athlete yourself. I know that and I want you to take us back, because it's been a little bit during the program which I want people to realize that this it's for a reason that we have all time access to all the everything's, because you're going to grow with your daughter and it keeps giving. So take us back to when you were first considering joining the program. Like where were you? Where was McKenna's mental game? Like what was going on that made you consider?

Speaker 2: 4:41

this, so it probably goes back to August of 2022. Going into that year, she, out of nowhere, wanted to play volleyball and there's no rec volleyball around here, so she was like in the backyard trying to get herself prepared for these tryouts. And the tryouts lasted a week and she made the first round of tryouts, which was good and we were really excited. But she didn't make round two, so she was cut and that was our first real experience with somebody being cut from a team. All her friends made it and she walked away and she said two things I will never, ever, try anything new again and I will never play volleyball ever again. And that sucked. That was really hard and there was no encouragement. There was nothing I could say that would make her feel better.

Speaker 2: 5:23

I did the Google mom search or the Instagram search looking. I coached CrossFit kids for years. I coached CrossFit for years. I'm a runner, I'm very positive, I'm very active and I'm the type of mom that leaves notes in my kids like sneakers or equipment before games. So I didn't know what to do because nothing I was saying was working. She was not ever playing again and I was really hesitant because I didn't think that I would have McKenna's buy-ins. It started with a Google search. It started looking for something that can help us, but it turned out to be so much more. That's awesome.

Speaker 1: 6:15

I love it when we pop up and I know a lot of moms are like that too. They're like Googling things or they're asking like, what do I say to my kid when she is beating herself up? A lot of times we're in those situations. Then you're like, oh, something's coming. And then it's like, okay, I can't ignore this. What, what? What is it trying to say? Okay, so we came across your feed somehow. Amazing you checked it out, and then what?

Speaker 2: 6:35

So I thought initially that my kid would be all for this right. Of course she would. What 12, turning 13 year old, wouldn't do exactly what I asked her to?

Speaker 2: 6:45

do so I signed up and immediately I loved it and I jumped right in. But I could not get her to buy in. Okay, I might not be able to ever get her to do this, but that doesn't take the tool out of my hand, right? So I dove in and I actually did the athlete side and the parent side and I immediately started implementing these tools with her and all of my kids, especially because what I realized is I had these aha moments, one after another, not that I was saying the wrong thing, but I could do so much more to build that connection. So for me it really was a shift and change. Yeah, I stopped, I dropped the rope with her. I didn't want to make it something that she became so anti-doing. So I put the focus on me and I really focused on what are my control blows here, like I can only handle and do what I need to do. So that's what I focused on, yeah.

Speaker 1: 7:40

I love that you brought that up. So when parents are considering joining with their kids now, like you said, we serve from 11 years old to 18 is kind of like our typical range and we find that kids are receptive and some are like skeptical. Even when I do with my own girls on my volleyball team, when I first did it they were like what are we doing and what is this? Okay. And then they find out that it works. But how you present it is important and so we have some tools that can help with that. With the buy-ins, we have some podcast episodes. For those of you that are like how do I talk to her about this? We have a conversation guide. So I'll drop those resources and Instagram stories and I'll drop them in the comments here.

Speaker 1: 8:20

But Melinda brought up a great point that even if your kid isn't 100% bought in at first, that's okay, Because half of the program is for you, Half of it is for you to understand what your role is in all of this, and that's why our approach to mental training is different than what you're going to find, because it's not just the athletes, we're not just saying athlete, it's all your thing. You've got to figure it out. If you want to get to the next level, you've got to go do this. It's also hey, I have a responsibility in this as well. You impact the environment that she's in every single day. What you say to her is important. What you say out loud becomes her inner voice and so, having the tools as a parent, we find that a lot of parents in our program, once they start doing their work, they're like oh my gosh, my kid is changing, or my kid so tell me about that. So that was kind of the path that you were on.

Speaker 1: 9:02

You're like okay, we're not quite ready for this, but I'm still going to dive head into my side. What changes did you start to see in her when you just did your work?

Speaker 2: 9:10

We'll start there 100% did a complete shift. I really focused more on the process, not the outcome. I never talk about win or loses with any of the sports anymore. I only talk about the effort I use. I notice all day long I've shifted the focus.

Speaker 2: 9:28

I had an older sports kid that was pretty much what we would consider a higher achiever in terms of academics and sports and he it was always like that win was amazing and stuff like that.

Speaker 2: 9:38

I completely shifted all of that according to what I learned in the program and the biggest thing that I found it's beyond the program.

Speaker 2: 9:47

It changed our household in terms of the way we operate because we noticed their processes in the smallest things, even if, like, we were struggling to get them to put the dishes in the dishwasher. And every time they did I would notice stuff like that, like hey, it's a knee-jerk reaction to want to point out the hundred other things that they could be doing around the house reaction to want to point out the hundred other things that they could be doing around the house. But when I stopped after I did EMG, I stopped focusing on what could be done and I focused on the things that they were doing in sport, life and academics, all of it. It really shifted my mindset and I think we are so connected to our kids and what we say out loud and what we do, and our facial expressions, our demeanors. It shapes their world. So inadvertently it changed not only my life but it actually changed all three kids and that was even before McKenna had actually done the program.

Speaker 1: 10:40

Yeah, that's so great. It's also empowering because it's like, well, actually you can control a lot, like as a parent. And yeah, we actually recommend also, if you have a partner, that you get your partner in listening as well, so you can have the same approach. But I feel a sense of relief knowing like, yeah, I can't control everything that my daughter does, but I can control what I'm saying, what I'm thinking, knowing that this actually impacts. And so we lean on a lot of Dr Becky Kennedy's work, dr Brown, lisa DeMore, like their research in parenting as well, and then how it's applied in the sports setting. So, although it bleeds throughout sports right, it is definitely. Sports are just that vehicle. So, okay, let's fast forward. Mckenna's doing the work now. What are you starting to notice in her? What tools is she using?

Speaker 2: 11:25

So she had dabbled in the work before but interestingly enough, in 2023, she went back out for volleyball. She decided last minute she went back out for volleyball, she tried out, she made the team, she was put on. It was like a B team. She was on the B team and she very quickly worked herself up to a team, so that was huge. And then she wanted to play club and I was terrified because our club is they have foundational club but they most of it is pretty intense.

Speaker 2: 11:54

There's travel and then there's national travel. We couldn't pull off national travel just because of the kids schedule, but she went out and she made her travel club team and so that was two huge wins for her. And that was pretty immediately after diving into a lot of the work over the summer and I noticed that her recovery in sport there was some, it was a little high and low, but overall she recovers much faster. And it was interesting that yesterday we were at a tournament and she's a defensive specialist and she shares the position essentially. So sometimes she doesn't get that all time on the court and every time she stepped on the court yesterday, every single time, she does this two bounce thing she spins the volleyball she touches her leg I think she's doing a little pinch and I know she was saying her word and she serves like a champ every single time and it's so amazing to watch it in action because even her club teammates yeah totally.

Speaker 1: 12:49

That's great.

Speaker 1: 12:50

I love that she's doing her snapback routine but even if she won't admit it, but for those that are unfamiliar, within the first week we teach athletes a failure recovery system called a snapback routine and basically just this is just a way for athletes to come back from not just mistakes but anytime they're feeling a little shift in momentum, anytime they're just like not really feeling on, to get them back into flow state, and it's a combination of a breath, a reset word that is custom to them, how they want to feel, but also based on past success, or it's just something we heard from some moms last week that were like my daughter's reset word is like sausage or something like Spongebob, to help them like actually have a little bit and get back in the moment that exhale.

Speaker 1: 13:31

They're doing some sort of reset signal, something very simple and grounding, so it sounds like mckenna's little pinch on the leg and that just helps them just be back in the present moment and it gives them confidence knowing that they don't have to worry about mistakes that are going to happen or what they're going to face, because confidence doesn't come from not making mistakes or not hitting adversity in a competition, like 100% it's going to happen.

Speaker 1: 13:55

Confidence comes from this feeling of, hey, I've prepared the best I can and also I have a way to respond to those moments. So not only are athletes equipped with that skill of, like that failure recovery system so they can stay in flow, they can compete and I'm not sure if McKenna's doing this yet but we also have athletes visualize how they're going to respond to those moments, because it's so easy to play well when the game is going great, or like they're on it, like it's great, okay, but what happens when they miss their serve? What happens when they don't hit that shape? Like that is really where athletes show where their mental strength is. And so athletes visualize like, how are you going to get through that? So yeah, how well is she doing? What other things is she doing? Are you noticing that she maybe is absorbing a little bit?

Speaker 2: 14:40

from the feedback or even with teachers. We had a teacher conference. One of the biggest things they said is that she is very positive and she uses some of the wording that comes from the program in come on, guys, we got this. Or she was talking about her snapback routine in school. So, like I said, it flows everywhere, which is very important to us. I just noticed that she is, overall, a seemingly more grounded person. Like we are not the emotional roller coaster we used to be, and I know that it comes with the territory, but for us it's very much like even her room is being straightened up, even she's being very proactive. She has all her stuff ready to go before a tournament, she's getting up earlier in the morning and she's taking care of herself. So I see it flow into everything. So for us it's just been very positive watching her. She's going to be 14, but for us, like watching her shift over the last 18 months has been pretty amazing actually.

Speaker 1: 15:34

Cool, yeah, I remember that's a combination, though, of also the environment that you've set up for her. It was funny. A mom also last week sent me an email that was so cute. She was like and my daughter is listening to the trainings? She's doing it, but my younger daughter is like passively listening and I didn't think she was really paying attention too much. But then she told me and said at this tournament my daughter didn't get as much playing time as she wanted to get.

Speaker 1: 15:58

And then afterwards I was talking to her and she said, yeah, I just had coach Bree in my head telling me oh, like it's okay, control what you can control, make sure you give effort. And her mom was like, oh, is coach Bree, it's coach Brie, like coach on your stat, like an assistant coach. And she was like no, coach Brie from like those trainings that she was like. So, like sponges, they are absorbing this and sometimes, depending on age and all of that, they don't want you to know that, but other times you can see it more obviously. But, melinda, is there anything else that you want to add for those moms that maybe are considering on the fence, knowing that today is the last day?

Speaker 2: 16:32

For me, honestly, like I was very much on the fence and I even think that in the first month, like I was like really feeling like I didn't know if this was going to be something. But when I jumped in and really felt there was such a shift and I just say that it was a game changer for us and I coached kids for years and I wish I had this when I was actively coaching and I wish that my mom had this. You and I both know like it actually truly shifted my life, which is pretty incredible. It just really opened up a door with my relationship with my daughter. That wasn't there before because we were butting heads all the time and people say you're not supposed to be best friends with your kids, but she's actually my best friend. I love her, she's just really amazing and she comes to me when she needs things and that's, I think, a key to it being a teenage parent. You want them to come to you, so for us it was really a positive experience.

Speaker 1: 17:28

Yeah, I love that you brought that up too, because ultimately, the by-product we say it's a by-product, but really it's one of our main things is that your relationship with your daughter improves when, when you're doing this program, because you're doing your work, she's doing hers. You have touch points and then you're just also shifting your approach, and I have.

Speaker 1: 17:45

I have moms that come to me that are like I'm at a point where I'm actually hoping this is really sad, but I'm hoping that she stops her sport because it's adding so much stress to our family. It's adding stress to our relationship. We're constantly fighting, okay, and the trajectory that changes when you have a different approach as a parent and then she also whether or not she actually engages right away like your approach actually changes it. The most Excellent relationship.

Speaker 2: 18:07

So I love hearing that. Yeah, she has her moments. She holds my hand, we're in the car together, and that's different. I have zero regrets, nothing but truly just. I feel very grateful and thankful of how it all came full circle for our family. Yeah, so great.