[Athlete Tip] Coach Playing Favorites? Here’s Your Move

Feel like you're doing all the work but still getting overlooked? Watching teammates get opportunities you know you’ve earned? It’s frustrating, but you don’t have to stay stuck. In this episode, Coach Bre breaks down exactly how to handle it so you can take back control, improve your game, and get noticed for the right reasons.

Inside this episode:

 ✅ The #1 mindset shift that stops frustration in its tracks
 ✅ How to focus on what you can control (and why it matters)
 ✅ The right way to talk to your coach without sounding like you’re complaining
 ✅ How to turn this situation into fuel instead of a roadblock
 ✅ The key to making yourself impossible to ignore

The best athletes don’t let setbacks stop them; they use them to get better. Don’t miss this episode! Hit play now and take back control.

Episode Highlights: 

[00:00:00] Introduction. Feel like you're putting in the work but not getting the opportunities? In this episode, you’ll learn three key strategies to help you take back control and continue growing as an athlete.

[00:01:00] Focus on What You Can Control. You can’t control your coach’s decisions, but you can control your effort, attitude, and response. Shifting your focus to what’s in your control will help you grow rather than stay stuck in frustration.

[00:02:00] Avoid the Victim Mentality. Complaining, gossiping, or blaming your coach won’t change your situation. Instead, ask yourself how you can show up with the right work ethic, body language, and mindset to earn trust.

[00:03:00] Communicate the Right Way. Your coach isn’t a mind reader, so if you’re unsure about your role or playing time, ask for clarity. Use solution-focused questions like, “Coach, how can I contribute more to the team?” instead of comparing yourself to others.

[00:04:00] Seek Solutions, Not Just Venting. Coaches respect players who want to improve. Choose the right time to talk (not after a tough game) and approach the conversation with an open mind.

[00:05:00] Use This as Fuel, Not a Roadblock. Great athletes use setbacks as motivation to work harder. Instead of dwelling on what’s unfair, outwork everyone and make it impossible for your coach to ignore you.

[00:06:00] Final Takeaway. You have more control than you think. Keep showing up, taking action, and growing as an athlete. If this episode helped, check out the Elite Mental Game program for more tools to build confidence and mental strength.

Next Steps:

• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms - How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter's Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do
• Visit our podcast website for more great episodes

Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission and leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.

Transcript

Speaker 0: 0:00

Feel like you're putting in the work but not getting the opportunities. Maybe, like no matter what you do, your coach just is not giving you a fair shot. Or maybe you're watching all of these other players get chances that you feel like you have earned. If that's you, this episode is for you. I'm gonna be breaking down the three things that you can do when you feel like you're not being treated fairly, so that you can take that control and keep growing as an athlete and, by the way, I'm coach Brie, I'm a mental performance coach for athletes. I help athletes train their mind like they train their bodies, so that they can play with confidence, handle pressure and gain a competitive edge. This special athlete tip episode on the podcast is here for you, so let's get into it. Number one, when you feel like you're being treated unfairly, is to focus on what you can control. If you feel like, especially if your coach is being unfair, the first thing that you're going to ask yourself is what can I control in this situation? I mean, totally honest, you can't control your coach's decisions, but you can control your effort, your attitude and your response. What I see a lot of times happen with athletes who are focusing on things that are out of their control is they're trying to focus on changing their coach, like, oh, if only the coach was different, if they were thinking differently, if they were doing this different or that different. You are wasting your time wishing that your coach was different. So, instead of getting stuck in that frustration, focus on how you can show up to practice, how you can show up to practice, how you can show up to games, how you can show up to your team interactions and ask yourself am I the kind of player that my coach can trust in high pressure moments? And what does my body language look like? What is my work ethic like? Am I staying coachable? All of those things matter more than you think and, fair or not, how you respond right now will shape your growth as an athlete. So I really challenge you to not get stuck in what's really easy to do in this situation, which has become the victim. It's my coach's fault. It's that gossiping about your coach or talking negatively about them to other people. That is going to keep you stuck and not actually help you at all. So focus on what's in your control and you can literally write it down what is in your control in practice, what is in your control in a game, what is in your control when it comes to your teammates and your leadership, and that is what you're going to shift your focus to.

Speaker 0: 2:18

Number two communicate the right way If you do feel like maybe things are unfair, or maybe not just unfair, but you're wondering why am I not getting the opportunities that other people are getting, or why am I getting pulled out of the game at this point, when somebody else can make a lot of errors? The thing about communicating is that your coach does want to hear from you and they can't read your mind, and so having a conversation with your coach can be effective. But we have to do this in a really intentional way. When you talk to your coach, do not compare yourself to somebody else, so saying something like I always have to come out and I never get a fair shot when this person gets to stay in forever. That is automatically going to put your coach on the defensive and not actually going to lead to any solution. So some way, a really key way that you can talk to your coach about this would be something like hey, coach, I really want to contribute to the team, or what can I do to contribute to the team. Maybe you don't understand what your role is on the team. Hey, coach, can you help me understand what my role is on this team and, frankly, you can even add on, what amount of playing time is associated with that role? What do you see my contribution to the team? Because maybe your coach sees you as a backup player and you see yourself as a starter. Well, there's a disconnect there. So if they see your role as a backup player and you don't see it that way, then you're always going to be frustrated. So, really getting clear on what your role is. Also, coach, the story I'm telling myself is that I have to be perfect and that if I make one mistake I'm getting pulled out. Can you help me understand if this is true? So those are just some sentence starters that you can use to help have this conversation with your coach.

Speaker 0: 3:55

The other thing about this is that coaches respect players who seek solutions, not just vent frustrations. Okay. So if you can come to your coach with some sort of path forward or some sort of nugget of information, that would be actually useful to the coach. Or you know something like hey, coach, when I get a lot of specific feedback. In practice, I do a lot better. Something like that that can actually help your coach coach you. They're going to respect you a lot more.

Speaker 0: 4:20

Remember, timing around this really matters. So asking after a tough game or even before a game is not the time, okay, or in the heat of a frustrating moment. So choose a time when your coach can actually listen to you. The best thing to do is say hey, coach, do you have five minutes after practice? I just want to understand something from your perspective, and I know it can be scary to talk to a coach, but communication is going to be really essential here so that you can get on the same page with your coach. You might not agree with your coach, but being on the same page is super important.

Speaker 0: 4:49

All right. Number three last thing use this as fuel, not a roadblock. You have two choices right now Let this situation hold you back or let it push you forward, and the best athletes use setbacks as fuel to get better. It's really easy to be a great athlete when everything is going your way, when the stars are aligned and you're getting all the playing time you want. Yeah, it's easy to be a great teammate and be happy and work hard, but what do you do when things are not going your way? That's where you truly get to show up as the athlete that you want to be, and even great players have face times when they get overlooked and they feel like they're being treated unfairly, and what separates them is how they respond. So, instead of dwelling on what's unfair, outwork everyone, make it impossible for your coach to ignore you and, if the situation truly isn't right, talk to a mentor, talk to a trusted person, a parent, for their perspective on how you can move forward right.

Speaker 0: 5:41

The bottom line here is that you have more control than you think. It's about how you respond, it's about how you show up and it's about how you take action. So if you're feeling stuck, try those three things and keep pushing forward. Now, if this episode helped you, we have athlete tip episodes on the podcast every month. We also have athletes inside our signature mental training program, the elite mental game, who are getting skills like this every single day showing up confidently in their sport and also knowing how to navigate the ups and the downs of their sport. So if you want more, I highly encourage you to check out EMG. That's really where the magic happens and you can start training your mind as much as you train your body. All right, I'm coach Brie, I'm a mental performance coach for girl athletes, and I'll see you in the next athlete tip episode of the podcast.