Infinite Awakening

Loving Yourself Out Loud: Overcoming the Impulse to Play Small and Living Unapologetically

• Dr. Donna

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What if the very thing holding you back is your own tendency to play small? Join me, Dr. Donna, as I unravel the impact of self-love on our lives, focusing on vital topics like self-esteem and self-worth. Reflecting on my own experiences, from the confines of trade school to the most recent business insights, I share how societal pressures and trauma have historically led many of us to shrink ourselves. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of living authentically and unapologetically, challenging the norm of humility often imposed, especially across social media.

In the second part of this episode, I dive into the ongoing work necessary to maintain alignment and authenticity in our lives. Regardless of your beliefs about reincarnation or life after death, there's a strong case for living life to its fullest. I'll walk you through my continuous struggle against the urge to play small and my commitment to loving myself out loud. This episode aims to inspire you to embrace your own self-love journey and consider taking on a new challenge rooted in living life at 100%, authentically and unapologetically. Let's embark on this transformative journey together.

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Dr. Donna:

Hello, it's Dr Donna and welcome to another episode of my podcast. Today I want to talk about something that is very important to me, but I also realize that it's a real issue for other people. I want to talk about self-esteem, self-worth and playing small. The reason why I decided to talk about this for a while is because I've been annoyed lately. I've been annoyed with some friends, some peers, what I see on social media and it looks like there's a struggle with people being happy for other people and telling people to be humble and to, you know, not show off. Right, that's when a person has good news or they're happy in their life, they're told by other people that they're bragging or showing off. People that they're bragging are showing off, and the reason why this has annoyed me is because I understand why people want other people to play small and it's because they haven't found their light to play big yet, and it's often due to a trauma response.

Dr. Donna:

Well, let's fast forward. Up to today, I have a few business coaches, and one of them she she's wonderful, her name is carrie rowett, and she was doing a challenge called the energy of your business and she asked us to write about our business and, you know, write a letter to your business and what do you think your business want from you? So I meditated on it and my business said you play small, you're gracious, you coddle people sometimes and you have a ability to have a bigger presence, but you don't do it because you want to keep other people comfortable, you don't want to deal with, sometimes, the negativity of social media and friends and peers and and I thought this is deep and I realized it's not because I can't handle it, it's because of the trauma that I've experienced and that I constantly work through, because we always work through our trauma. It has caused me to be extremely empathetic towards people and if you have learned anything about my archetypes that I created, I'm a compassionate rescuer and we're a fixer and we keep people comfortable and we solve people problems. So, where I have a great business, I wasn't feeling like I was having as much fun and connection to people on social media, because I love to talk to the people who you know, click, like or post on my social media pages and I just thought, wow, I'm kind of neutral here. I have a great business, I can take care of myself, I can meet my needs, I can travel. You know I can do the things I want to do, but I am not all the way fulfilled in it because I want to do more.

Dr. Donna:

And it came up that I am playing small, which is a disease that I've had for a long time. And it is a disease to play small, and I remember writing about it in my book. The first time I played small I was in trade school for medical assisting. I was 16, at a 3-year-old, because I was a very young teen mom and I needed to take care of him. So I took the GED to get out of high school and I went to trade school and I did well in trade school because the teacher was good and if you listen to her you're going to get almost 100%. But I was in there with older women and some of them it was their first career after being a housewife or after getting divorced, and some of them it was their first career after being a housewife or after getting divorced and they were very uncomfortable with me being a 16-year-old at the top of the class and they kind of isolated me. Some of them did, and so I learned in that moment wow, I don't get to be all that I am because it makes other people comfortable and I've carried it here and there throughout the years and I know other people have done it.

Dr. Donna:

I know it's part of the over giving. That's why I over give and that's why a lot of my clients who are over givers over give, because it's a form of shrinking, it's a form of playing small and not being your authentic self, because when you're playing small you're not being authentic. I know we think that when a person is being accused of not being authentic, it means that they're being bad or they're lying or stealing or cheating. No, authenticity is just about being all of who you are. So authenticity isn't just about being someone who's unethical. Authenticity is about saying I am worthy, I am deserving, and I get to be all that I want.

Dr. Donna:

I get to play big in this world and I get to, you know, be unapologetically me, even if it makes other people uncomfortable. And I know at times my energy gets big and other times it shrinks, and I've seen that with other people. And I know that there are people I'm 53, and I know a lot of people around my age who haven't found their you know self-esteem, their confidence, yet they have doubts and they get mad at people who have found their happiness and their self-esteem and have self-love and where I've always loved myself, always felt like there's a part of me that is so like, oh, I, I love myself. I need to be empathetic and sympathetic towards people who are not there yet. So that caused me to play small, and that is a bad thing to do, because it prevented me from living life at 100. That's something else that I always talk about Live your life at 100%, unapologetically. But here and there I can see where I battle it and I can see where other people are battling it, and recently I've seen a lot with friends and peers and I've kind of stepped away from some people who I felt like, whoa, if I'm going to be around them, I'm going to have to play small and I can't do that anymore.

Dr. Donna:

And so when I wrote the letter to my business today, it said I want you to love yourself out loud and show other people how to love themselves out loud. Now, how do you do that in a world where people are always like be humble, be humble. Well, being humble is a very misused word and it is a word that is often used against people, when a person often tells someone to be humble, what they're saying is play small, don't show your happiness, don't show all the goodness, don't show your things. You're being materialistic. You know that's a misuse of the word humble. Humble just means knowing that no one's better than anybody and no one's less than anybody. Right, you treat everybody with the same respect. That's all humility is is to not think that you're better than anybody else. But it does not mean that you have to play small. And usually people who use that term be humble are asking you to not be your authentic self, because it makes them uncomfortable, and so they attack you by saying be humble. So be clear on what humility is and what it isn't.

Dr. Donna:

And when I say love yourself out loud, you know that's another thing. We talk about self-love like having boundaries. You know, make sure you have a good partner and good people in your life and you treat yourself with love and respect. But a lot of people do those things, but they're modest, so they're loving themselves in a modest way. Way, loving yourself out loud is saying that you get to be everything that you want to be in this world. You get to have the goals that you want, no matter how big they are, and you do not have to apologize for those goals. You do not have to play small to keep other people comfortable, and you will have people in your life. You have friends, you have family members, you have people in your life who are going to be jealous, who are going to want you to not succeed because they haven't found their ability to go after their dreams.

Dr. Donna:

I've seen other people experience it and what I would say to you is that the more you love yourself out loud, it will help other people to be brave enough to love themselves out loud, and that's what my business wanted me to know is I get to be louder. I get to say more. I get to be louder. I get to say more. I get to do what I want. I can share my goals. I don't have to apologize, no matter how it makes other people feel that's their shit, not mine's, and I just I'm going to call it how I see it that is their stuff, not.

Dr. Donna:

And that's what you have to say to yourself is that you don't have to apologize for being happy, for having goals, for going after your dreams, for having a great life. You don't have to shrink because some of you may lose some friends or upset some family members. Let them go, because it's all energy and if they decide to rise to the occasion, you will reconnect with them again. And that was something that was hard for me at first, because I realized there were people I was going to have to let go, and my work is not just about helping people to break free from over giving and people pleasing, but it is for people to love themselves out loud, unapologetically, and when I had that aha moment because I was so caught up on, yes, just stop over giving, stop people pleasing.

Dr. Donna:

But what is a transformation? That's part of the transformation, but the bigger part is loving yourself out loud, and so what I want to ask you to do is ask yourself what are you holding back from? What are you hiding? What dreams are you not pursuing? Because you don't know how it's going to make people in your life feel and make a decision? Do you want that dream? Do you want to move forward in life? Do you want to have your best life and do you want to start loving yourself out loud and and being unapologetic about it?

Dr. Donna:

It's very important to have these conversations from time to time with ourselves, because it keeps us in alignment and it keeps us authentic and it holds us accountable to who we're supposed to be. It doesn't matter if you believe in reincarnation or or not. This is a lifetime that you are living, so live it at 100, and that is something that I had to remind myself regularly, and today I do constant work and inner work, but you know, new things pop up and that one disease that I need to kick, playing small, pops up from time to time. So I will commit to loving myself out loud and I will challenge you to do the same and, yes, I think I'm going to start a challenge soon about loving yourself out loud. So thank you for listening to this episode of my podcast and have a very wonderful day.