Stedman Graham is an author, an educator, and an entrepreneur. After earning his undergraduate degree from Hardin-Simmons University in Texas, Stedman served in the Army, mostly overseas, where he also played in the European professional basketball league. While in the military, Stedman also earned his master’s degree in education from Ball State.
In this episode, Stedman shares why he chose to attend Ball State. He also talks about creating his nine-step plan for success—a plan he travels the globe sharing with others—and how his approach to “identity leadership” prepared him for his relationship with Oprah Winfrey, one of the most famous women in the world.
If you enjoy this episode, please leave a review to support the show.
Stedman Graham is an author, an educator, and an entrepreneur. After earning his undergraduate degree from Hardin-Simmons University in Texas, Stedman served in the Army, mostly overseas, where he also played in the European professional basketball league. While in the military, Stedman also earned his master’s degree in education from Ball State.
In this episode, Stedman shares why he chose to attend Ball State. He also talks about creating his nine-step plan for success—a plan he travels the globe sharing with others—and how his approach to “identity leadership” prepared him for his relationship with Oprah Winfrey, one of the most famous women in the world.
If you enjoy this episode, please leave a review to support the show.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Hello, I'm Geoff Mearns and I have the good fortune to serve as the president of Ball State University. My guest today is Stedman Graham, an author, an educator, and an entrepreneur. After earning his undergraduate degree from Hardin-Simmons University, Stedman served in the United States Army mostly overseas, where he also played in the European Professional Basketball League. While in the military, Stedman also earned his master's degree in education from Ball State. Stedman began his career in public relations. Then, in 1989, he founded S. Graham & Associates, a management and marketing consulting company with a focus on identity leadership. Today, Stedman is the author of 12 books, including two New York Times bestsellers. He is also a keynote speaker. And this month, he returned to Ball State as a guest of our David Letterman Distinguished Professional Lecture and Workshop Series. In this episode, I'll talk to Stedman about why he chose to attend Ball State and what advice he would give our students. I'll also ask Stedman about his experience in the military and his passion for entrepreneurship. And given his long-term relationship with Oprah Winfrey, I want to ask him what it's like being the partner of one of the most famous women in the world. Stedman, welcome. And thank you for joining me for our podcast.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Thank you so much, Geoff. It's a pleasure to be here. Congratulations on your leadership with Ball State. It's a pleasure to meet you.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Thank you.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
You're perfect for this job. You know that, right? That's --
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Well --
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
-- what I keep hearing.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Well, you're very kind. I feel very fortunate to be here and fortunate to have you with us today.
So if you've heard a little bit about me, maybe somebody told you that I grew up in a large family. I'm one of nine children. And I also understand you came from a large family, one of six children. Tell us a little bit about your upbringing and growing up in a large family.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah, I grew up in a little small town, Whitesboro, New Jersey.
And the founder of the town I grew up in was my great, great uncle, my father's great, great uncle, actually. So it'd be my third great George H. White, former congressman during Reconstruction, and he created Whitesboro as a safe haven for African Americans so they could come and settle. And so it was very historical. Booker T. Washington has been there. Flip Wilson is from there. A lot of notables from there. So I'm so proud to be a part of that family. I grew up with two specialty brothers in my family. This is a very difficult thing for me to deal with. I grew up with low self-esteem, a lack of confidence in myself, and basketball was kind of my way of building a positive self-image of myself because I had so much anger, rage growing up because of that. I was bullied a lot in school and had to fight all the time. And so that was a little bit tough for me. But I was able to get out and get a basketball scholarship and go to Hardin-Simmons and eventually Ball State and playing the US -- played European Pro League a number of years and serve in US Army and all of that. So those are great support systems for me to be able to do the work that I'm doing and eventually started writing books and all that, but had a great background, a lot of history, and come from a large family tree of Spaulding descendants. We have 1,400 family members on our database. You know, we have [inaudible] –
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
That's remarkable.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah, it's pretty strong, pretty strong. So I had a great childhood experience, in spite of the fact that I had some also some difficulties.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah. So I often talk about the influence that my parents had on me shaping who I am and what I aspired to do professionally and personally. Tell me about your parents and the influence that they had on you.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
They had a lot of influence on me, and my father was a painter and a contractor, and I worked with him all the time. I remember while I used to hold that ladder, you know, he'd be up on the side of the house and I have to hold the ladder all day long. You talk about patience, you learned patience when you have to do that. And we did odd jobs and all that. So I had a good work ethic. And my mom was a nurse and so -- and she did all odd jobs. And, you know, in Jersey, everybody just hustled, you know, they just tried to get -- make a dime, make a dollar, you know, for the most part. And -- so I had a strong mother and father, very strong. And I learned a lot from them, which allowed me to deal with some of the stuff that I had to deal with even publicly. I know we'll talk about my relationship with Oprah, but all of that helped me strengthen my social-emotional base to be able to deal with a lot of the public issues I had to deal with, yeah, you know. So I credit them for giving me a strong background and the ability to fall down, but also get back up.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah, it's about values.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah. Absolutely.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
So you mentioned earlier the importance of basketball, and you played basketball both in college and professionally in Europe. Tell us a little bit more about the importance of your experience as a college student athlete—it's a subject we've had to talk about here—and playing professionally in Europe.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah. Well, the -- first of all, to be able to go to college and finish college, I had -- I mean, I had a defining moment in life -- my life. In my small town, the guy that owned the store, his name was Mr. T and I was [inaudible]. I was down there at his store one Saturday morning. I was there with my buddies shooting pool and playing pinball and I was bragging to him that I was going to go to college because I was getting all these scholarship offers and he said to me, he says, "You're not going to know college, your family's too stupid and you're too dumb." And I was sad for a long time. And then one day, I was walking down the street and I got mad and I said, "I'm going to fix you, Mr. T, I am going to go to college and get my degree and bring it back and show you that I'm somebody."
And so that was really my motivation for finishing school. I don't know if I'd have finished if I didn't have that motivation to be able to take -- you know, I had to get that degree and take it back and show Mr. T I was somebody. So that was a big part of my college experience is getting that degree.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Sounds like it lit a fire in you.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah, it lit a fire under me and got me motivated about my -- I had to show him that I was somebody and, of course, being able to travel around the country playing ball. Harvey Catchings, you know, which is our claim to fame, who's played in the pros, he was my roommate and he was also on the team, played in the NBA for 13 years. We had a pretty good schedule. So we played by the schools…. USC,LSU. We got a lot of different schools around the country, we have independent schedule. So we got a lot of exposure, and that was a great. And then my best time in the world for us was in Europe and serving the US Army a number of years, and then playing ball with the Germans over there and getting out there and still playing over there with them. And that was fantastic because I got to travel to -- all over Europe and --
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Had you been to Europe previously or was that --
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
No, I'd never been before. So that kind of grew me up because, you know, well, first of all, basketball, you know, you get spoiled kind of being a ballplayer, you know, as a former athlete, and then you don't really grow up.
So the service helped me grow up. And the travel gave me some cultural experience where I realized that, you know, you're not the only country in the world, you know, America. You know, there's other countries and you get to appreciate other cultures and travel around and learn a lot. So it really helped me kind of round me out socially and emotionally, you know. And so it was -- really, I've had such a great opportunity to be able to travel the world. And I used to drive over there, I drive down to, you know, Spain. I drive to Saint-Tropez. I drive all over, you know. So that was a great experience. So you weren't afraid to drive and travel. And so it's been an amazing journey to have these experiences and to get to try to understand who you are, which is what I do, is I teach people how to find out who they are. So you have to know that first before you can actually help other people.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah. So expand a bit about why you enlisted in the Army and how that experience shaped who you are.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah. Well, I enlisted in the Army because I got -- I was in Texas and I said, you know, "I'm not going to be in Texas for the rest of my life. I got to get out of here." So, you know, you're always -- I think you kind of always -- when you join the army, you're kind of desperate, you know what I mean? You don't want to get stuck in a place. And so I enlisted for that reason to be able to have another -- a different life, you know. And so that's why I enlisted, you know, after school and all of that. And pretty much was one of the best decisions I ever made because I got a chance to go to school, I got the ability to catch up. I played ball. I was getting paid by the Germans, getting paid by Americans. You know, I got to go to Ball State over there, you know.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah. So you're playing basketball at the same time as you were in service.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
At the same time.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
OK.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah, I was in the service getting paid with American money, getting paid by [inaudible] by the Germans, and also I went to Ball State in the evening, you know.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah. Why did you choose to come to Ball State? What was it about that opportunity that attracted you?
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
They have a large international program over there and it was one of those things where it was very convenient for me and I can go to school in the afternoons and, you know, over a long period of time. And it took me about -- I think it took me almost three years, you know, in my program. And --
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
What was the specific program that you were on?
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
So I was in the Master's in Education with a specialization in counseling and my undergraduate was social work. And that's what I do today. So it was perfect for me and I loved it. And I had a great experience over there. And to be able to have, again, be in the military and go to school and get your master's. And so when I came out of the military, it was fantastic because I was way ahead for the most part, you know.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah, both in terms of academically as well as --
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Academics, my life.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
-- leadership formation.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Leadership formation. I've got a master's degree and, you know, GI bill paid for that. So it was a great experience. I advise people to be able to utilize that GI bill as a way to help them get ahead while they're serving, you know, our country.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah. Were there any professors at Ball State who really enhanced your experience, your learning experience and your professional development?
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
I had a couple of professors over there who I got close to and who I owe a great deal to their leadership and helping me prepare for the next level. So they were very instrumental in my success.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah. And something we take pride in here that our faculty are committed to the individual success and development of our students.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah, very committed. Very helpful. So I appreciate, you know, that leadership.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah. So then you began your career at B&C Associates, which, as I understand, is one of the oldest minority-owned PR and consulting firms in the United States. And understand you might have had a few famous clients, some clients that we've heard about. Tell us about your time at that firm and what that opportunity taught you in terms of your own personal development, your own career development.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Geoff, another highlight of my life was working for a guy named Bob Brown, who I'm so close to today. He's kind of a father figure for me, a father figure for me. And he's an incredible guy. He was first American to ever see Nelson Mandela in prison. And I was traveling with him at the time. He was Special Assistant to President Nixon. He was chosen as ambassador, a nominee for the ambassadorship of South Africa. He set up the Nigerian government when he left the government and, you know, serving the president. We traveled all over the world. He educated Nelson Mandela's children at the Boston University. I got to—most people don't know this, I'll tell you this, but I got a chance to have dinner with Mr. Mandela when he was released from Pollsmoor Prison. And, you know—and I was there when the house burned down in Soweto and, you know, help rebuild the house, get Winnie Mandela back in the house and all of that. So, you know, I had those kinds of experiences.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah, tell us a little bit more about, if you will --
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
-- a little bit more about that experience because they're remarkable historic figures in the 20th century.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
They are. So we were over back and forth to South Africa. And we used to carry clothes over there to Alexandria, which is a poor township over there. And working with Mrs. Mandela and helping her during Apartheid over there, which was a great experience. Again, very close to family. And it's just -- I mean, story after story after story in terms of that experience, but the -- but being able to … Oprah and I later went on over there. She started a school because Mrs. Mandela asked her to develop a school. When she built the school, she built the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy over there, and we got this chance to spend 10 days with Nelson -- Mr. Mandela in his own home. You know, and that was an experience. I mean, you don't get that much, you know. So --
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah. If you -- could you draw -- is there a particular insight or inspiration that you drew from that experience? Remarkable historic figure.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah. Well, just being able to speak with him. We had three meals a day for 10 days with him, you know, and talking about the war during that time, which we're just getting ready to make a decision to go into Iraq. And then he would be talking about that and he'd be calling Tony Blair and those guys and having conversations with them about the war. And, of course, you know, very controversial during that time and he’d call President Bush during that time and, you know, he’d just pick up the phone and call these folks, you know. And they would take his call, there'd be no question about that. So -- and I got to, you know, visit Pollsmoor Prison with him, Oprah and I, and be in the cell with him, you know, that he stayed in. And he would tour us around and all of that. So that was a great experience. We went on a safari with him. And that was a great experience. And so on and on and on and on, you know, so….
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah, just a kid from New Jersey.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah, just a kid from New Jersey, you know, just kind of hanging out.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
So let me rewind the tape a bit. In 1989, you founded, as I mentioned in the introduction, S. Graham & Associates, which is a marketing and consulting company that specializes in leadership training. And -- so it's really kind of a two-part question based on some things you said earlier. Tell us what identity leadership is. And why are you so passionate about that concept?
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Well, identity leadership is really my narrative. It's defined as self-leadership, is based on the philosophy that you can't lead anybody else until you first lead yourself. And it took me a long time to realize, "Oh, this is about the power versus the powerless." You know, we have these labels and we define people by race, and gender, and class, and privilege, and all of that. But, you know, really, it's not about any of that. Those are all socially constructed and designed programs to basically marginalize and control people's lives. It really is about the power versus the powerless. And so it's about our ability to understand who we are, you know, and -- so that we can rise above the systems in place. You got a failed system, you got an average system, where most people are doing the same thing over and over every day. If you did the same thing you did yesterday, as you will do today, as you will do tomorrow, what have you done? The answer is nothing. We go to school. Education teaches us how to memorize and take tests, repeat information back. We get labeled with a grade until we make clear we've got the information. So we don't really learn anything. So, really, all you have in the end is yourself and the ability to self-actualize your own potential.
To be able to, again, know who you are is like a blessing. It's only a small percentage of the people that really know who they are and know their talents, and their skills, and their abilities, and how to define themselves. So, this identity leadership is basically my way of defining my own existence, removing the labels of race, removing the labels of being defined by my relationship with Oprah, and being defined by my brothers and family and all of that.
And so it was a way that I had to kind of—I was forced to really go within to figure out how I can free myself from the outside world. And I was looking for equality for the most part in my life and realize that it's not about how the world defines you, it's really about how you define yourself. But there's no process for that. Nobody teaches you that. And so, I created that for myself. And then I realized that, "Wow, you got 99% of the people, 8 billion people in the world who don't know who they are." And there's no process for that. So, I created a process to not only empower myself but to show people how to do that for themselves. And that's how I got started with it, the leadership. Started writing books around the nine-step success process and that is -- and now I teach it.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Right. So I'm going to ask you a couple again. I apologize if I do these two-part questions, but you --
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
No. Apologize if I'm jumping a little bit.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
No, that's great.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Okay.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
So you're going to talk this evening, as I've mentioned earlier, as part of the David Letterman Lecture Series. I suspect you're going to share a bit more about identity leadership. But before you get to that, because I want to hear you -- just give us a little preview about what we're going to hear tonight.
But also, you're back on campus during Homecoming week. I suspect it's changed since the last time you're here. What's it like to be back on campus, even though you took your Ball State course in Germany?
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
This is one of the -- I think one of the finest universities in the country. And they—it's really an unkept secret. You know, it's—I mean, the platform here for disseminating content to students all over the world. Now, you have technology as a way to now create online education courses and programs, you know. Just—you couldn't have a better opportunity and a better place to do it than here and a better need to do it because the need is so great globally. But I just love -- I'm so proud to be a part of Ball State and proud to be a part of what I see here and the growth. And I understand why David Letterman is so enthusiastic. I heard he was on campus here not too long ago.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah, just a couple of weeks ago. We're delighted that he stays engaged as well.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah, engaged but that—
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Maybe you can encourage him to join me for the podcast.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
He -- David, if you're out there, you're listening to this, I encourage you to join the podcast. OK.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
[laughs] Thank you, Stedman. So tell us a little bit more then about what will you try to share with the audience this evening.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
I want to try to get them to understand this, how to prepare themselves for the future and why understanding who you are is so critical today. And why it's so important to be able to navigate the 21st century and why you couldn't have a better opportunity than to live today because we have access to technology that you can reach. And you can create your own distribution network, you can sell products and programs, you can create digital imaging.
I mean, there's so many things you can do to reach the world. I mean, if you have a base, if you have a start, if you understand what I learned, learn how to learn, which is critical for me is to learn how to organize information around yourself so that you can empower yourself and then, you know, have the ability to think and use the cognitive ability that you have because you're all very -- you're vetted when you come here, so it means that you have the ability to and the capacity to learn. And you're intelligent, highly intelligent, otherwise you wouldn't be here. So you have all these resources and opportunities. How are you using these resources and making these resources relevant to your empowerment so that you can serve the world in a major way in the greatest time that we're living in the history of our world? So that, to me, if I can get you to understand that and eliminate all the barriers, the -- all the labeling, all of the things that people might say, "You can't do this, you can't do that," and you're leaving now your historical baggage as opposed to your potential as a human being. You know, that, to me, is what I teach all over the world. And that to also teach that the process of success, which is what I learned, is the same for everybody. The differences, some people know it, some people don't.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah. And a couple of the insights that you shared there is what we aspire to do here with all of our students— it's not about delivering content anymore because content is readily available on your smartphone or any other sources. But it's to try to inspire that innate curiosity that we know lives within every child, lives within every student, inspire them to continue to engage in a lifetime learning journey. And then also show them how to apply what they're learning to the world that they will continue to live in. Did I capture a little—
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah, that's what the nine steps is all about. The nine steps is an alignment. So there's no -- the process of success is the same for everybody. It starts with understanding what you love, what your talents are, you have to have an identity, you have to know who you are, you have to know how to organize your life around those things that you can create, those things that you can become an expert in, you have to build value. That's the first step. You got to have a basis for organizing the information. Otherwise, you're all over the place. So they have to be very focused on this process. And then you have to have a vision, which is the second step. You got to know not only who you are, but where you're going, you know, who you can become. So that has to be something that you can see in the future, kind of a framework of organizing your life towards something bigger than your circumstances, OK. You're not your circumstances, you're your possibilities, you are your possibilities. Third step is you got to have a plan. So you can't just have a vision without being able to execute it.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Right. What do they say, a vision without a plan is a dream—
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
—is a dream, you know. So all people dream, but not equally, you know. So your ability to be able to dream a dream and make that dream come true or have an idea or innovation and be able to create that is what really, you know, we want you to be able to do. And then you have to have a value system, which is your fourth step. And then you got to overcome your barriers, which is the fifth step. And then you got to build -- able to build a dream team around what you want to do. It's all group economics, group development, that kind of thing. And then you have to have -- you know, you have to learn how to learn, won't be able to win by decision. So there's a process for all of that.
And once you follow the process, excuse me, once you understand the process and how that works, then you just continue to work on that. I didn't understand the process. You get a lot of motivation, you get a lot of self-help books, but it doesn't teach you a process for success, it just teaches you a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and you get motivated, then you lose the motivation because you're not building on anything.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Right. And you can't see what's potential, you can't see that progress towards what's possible.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
You can't create the framework for success and it's -- because it's too much.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Right.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
You had to be very focused on your capabilities and what you're supposed to be doing in your life. For you -- you had to be able to find your purpose as a way to organize the content so you can empower yourself. And then you serve the world, you can't pour from an empty cup.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
So our audience is probably more similar to our demographic in terms of our age. But when you're speaking to middle school students or high school students, and talk about people who has a lot of stuff that's swirling around them, and we often feel that it's a challenge to get their attention. Is there some either experience in your life that you can get their attention quickly and hold their attention?
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yes, yes. I mean, I love working with middle school students and high school students because I get their attention.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
And how do you do that?
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
I get their attention because I get them to focus on self-development. So it's all about working on self. They're not interested in all the external stuff. They're interested in themselves. So I teach them how to empower themselves based on the most powerful word in the world, which is love. So love is the center of your development. You only have two choices anyway: It's either love or hate, good or bad, will or won't, looking at the glass half empty or half full.
So, it's a mindset, you know. And we have an energy problem in this country. And that is, you know, we don't think that we're -- we don't love ourselves. We got to change energy around to where we begin to love ourselves. You can't -- if you don't love yourself, you can't love anybody else. So if you don't know what you love, you have nothing to work on. If you don't love yourself, you don't care for yourself or care for your family or anybody else around you. So, you know, a lot of us are trying to heal from our trauma and our pain. The only way you can do that is you got to find love in your own life and put it into a practical program where you can begin to organize everything you love, and then write it down so you can source information. We have the content. We have the greatest -- we live in the greatest country in the world. So you couldn't be in a better place than America. So to be able to take and have a university like Ball State to be able to source information and make it relevant to what you love, a first grader will get that. OK. A second grader will get that. And so being able to get them to understand how to source content and make it relevant to who they are based on what they love or what they can love or what's possible for them is you could have a better life than that.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah. So let me bring it down to a personal level. You know, at the outset of our conversation, I spoke briefly about my parents. My mother was a strong woman, and my wife, Jennifer, who you'll meet later today, she's a strong woman and I've got four pretty strong daughters that she and I raised. A son, too, but four daughters, so I know what it's like to be surrounded by strong women. So I'm curious, and I suspect the folks are listening as well, what's it like for you to be a partner with a very smart and dynamic woman, like Oprah Winfrey.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Yeah, to be surrounded by -- you got five, I had to deal with 10 million, you know. So --
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah. [laughs]
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
…. you know, so …. I'm so grateful to be in a relationship with a person that's just so dynamic, and so unbelievable, and so accomplished. I had the chance last week to be in Mississippi, working in the Delta, which is where she's from. She's from Kosciusko, Mississippi, and down there, and I went by where she grew up. And she built the Boys and Girls Club down there and went by there, did some work there. So we're doing work in about five schools out there.
And to be with her and see her be number one with her show for 25 years and to have, you know, conversations with her, you know, and talk about guests and talk about all kinds of things and to be able to benefit, I would not be here without her influence in my life, there's no question about it, because she's influenced me so much. And so being able to -- again, my life prepared me to be able to deal with the social-emotional side of this, because through this process, I was able to have the patience, you know, holding that ladder, you know, over years.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Right.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
I was able to understand that I had to change -- I had some work to do because I didn't know who I was as a person. So I had to find myself, that's not an external process. That's an internal process. So I didn't go external. I didn't focus on external stuff. I focused on me and working on myself, and I had the pressure, I could be comfortable. Because every time I step out the door, you know, I have been defined by my relationship. So I had to deal with all of that. So there's no escape to the outside. The outside is telling you who you should be or who you are.
And so I learned this is not how the world defines you, it's how you define yourself. If you're looking for freedom, you'll never find it on the outside. And it's only on the inside, and that whoever defines you will always define you as less than them. Those are the lessons I've learned through that. And so that, to me, was the greatest lesson I could ever get because it was what I was looking for. I was looking for freedom, but I was looking for it on the outside. And she knows who she is. And she's able to, wow, build a system and utilize capitalism and the American free enterprise system as a way to help people all over the world. And that's the gift. It's the same gift that I see here when I visit the campus that Ball State has is the ability to be able to impact people's lives all over the world.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Yeah. So that maybe is an appropriate segue to the last question. It's a question that I asked all of our guests. And you might remember, as we walked over this morning, I pointed out the statue of Beneficence and that statue is the tangible symbol of our mission. And she's the representation and the inspiration of our commitment to enduring values. And beneficence, as you probably know, means the quality of doing good for other people through service and philanthropy. So my last question is, what does beneficence, what does doing good for other people, what does that mean for you?
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
It means really working on loving myself, having a positive mindset, focusing on what I can do, not what I can't do. It means service to me. It means being able to -- again, you can't help anybody else until you first help yourself. So it means reading, learning, developing, building, creating, designing.
It means vision, it means planning, it means building the team. It means utilizing technology. It means understanding the American free enterprise system and how much of an opportunity we have. It means loving other people. It means assimilating to all different cultures. It means experiencing the food that -- you know, it means working on yourself to try to be the best person that you can be. It means identity leadership is what it means.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Well, thank you so much for joining me today. And it is an honor to welcome you back to campus. Thank you, Stedman.
[STEDMAN GRAHAM]:
Thank you for your leadership.
[GEOFF MEARNS]:
Thank you.