Welcome to the Mom On Purpose podcast. I'm Lara Johnson, and I'm here to teach you how to get out of your funk, be in a better mood, play more with your kids, manage your home better, get your to do list done and live your life on purpose. With my proven method, this is possible for you, and I'll show you how.
You're not alone anymore. We're in this together.
Hello, you, wonderful, wonderful woman.
I am so glad to be with you today. I have shared a couple amazing episodes of fabulous people that I have been able to interview, but today is the first time that I get to personally talk with you since having my surgery. So, if you aren't following me on social media, you should.
You can go down to the show notes and find how you can follow me on Instagram or on Facebook. But recently I had ACL reconstructive surgery. So, in January I broke my leg, tore some of my MCL and completely blew out my ACL while I was trying to learn how to ski. I don't even feel like I could say it was a skiing accident, because what I was doing probably wasn't skiing, let's be real.
But I was pretty proud of myself and then I was very disappointed when I got hurt in the process of it. So, I had about four weeks where I was prepping for surgery and getting my fracture healed and my MCL healed, and then I had to go in for surgery and basically start the process over again and I'll be honest, it was a lot harder than I anticipated, but in ways that I didn't think would be really hard.
So, we're going to talk about some of that today, because what it has essentially taught me was how much I love being a mom and how much joy I find in motherhood, and that hasn't always been the case for me. So, I wanted to have an open and honest conversation about those shifts that I have made over the years so that there is so much joy in my motherhood now with my kids and how I show up with them.
So to kind of like preface that I want to just pause for a second and I want you to think if for eight weeks, you couldn't tuck your kids into bed, you would no longer be able to fix them meals or get them things that you can no longer bathe your children, you can't crawl in bed to snuggle them, you can't get them in and out of the car, you can't do any cleaning. Now I know what you're thinking like.
That sounds glorious, because it does sound glorious until someone tells you you're no longer allowed to do those things, and it's like the worst torture on the planet. Because what really happened, and this is I use this as an example because this is what has been going on in my house it's been eight weeks since I've held my baby and walked any length of more than a couple steps and that is very challenging.
Now, going into this, my physical therapist before I had my surgery, he said there's a couple things you need to do. You need to be able to bend your knee. He gave me a couple things.
As you'll know, you're ready for surgery if you do these things, but one of them was if you've mentally prepared for it. I knew, like I had talked with a lot of people, I knew the amount of pain that I would be under. I was very mentally prepared for that and what recovery would look like. What I was not prepared for was how emotionally challenging it would be and it has been when my children are reaching out for me and I can't be the one to carry them, to hold them, to care for them, to get the things that they need, because that's the kind of mom that I want to be and that I like to be, and I can't do those things right now.
So that's where I kind of want to dive into this conversation with you on how I got to this place, on being able to be the mom that I want to be, because I know you feel the same thing. I know you love your children. I do, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast otherwise. I know you care about their well-being. I also know that every single day, you are feeling exhausted and drained by the demands that motherhood places on you, and sometimes we lose joy through this process. I want to help you find it back.
So that's where we are going to jump into the three steps to finding joy in motherhood. The first step I want you to take is just to take a moment to ask yourself Is the realness that we talk about with motherhood, is the realness helping or harming you? I never, ever, want to put any other mom down, so let's just start with that.
The story I'm about to share with you is never to put other mothers down. It was just my own personal experience. So there came a time when I had amazing friends, really great people. You know we would text each other.
You know we would when one particular we'd get together and what I found was, in the process of trying to support each other and the challenges of motherhood, it turned into essentially a complaining fast where everything was so hard and we were constantly talking and rehashing it that it got to the point where, for me personally, I recognized it was doing more harm than it was good that I started seeing all of the negative things that were happening in my life and it was like it got louder in my mind and in my body.
And again, that's not to say that you can't complain or vent to friends, I'm just sharing my personal experience at the time and the space that I was in was not helping me.
So, then I kind of like I was able to adjust some things. I was able to, you know, do my own work. At the time. I was going back, you know, I had started therapy for the first time, and I was learning that I was not my thoughts and that I had more control over my mind than I had ever thought. I just, you know, followed my brain wherever it went, so that was my personal work to do.
So, during that time I started becoming more aware of what was happening in my brain and in my body and during this time, you know, I found a lot of comfort online in. This is back when Facebook groups were starting out for the very first time. That may date me a lot for some of you younger moms, but we found a lot of community within Facebook groups, even though all of us moms all over the world were in our own homes and that's kind of where some of the funny content about motherhood began.
Later on, it turned into YouTube videos, later on it turned into TikTok and Reels and you know it's ever evolving, and I found a lot of humor in that. If you know me personally, you know that I could sit and watch funny videos of stuff like I was that kid that loved America's funniest home videos and I could watch every episode and genuinely laugh out loud. That's just something that brings me a lot of joy.
But even during this time, even though I love funny videos, what I found was that for a time it wasn't helping me. It was like again it started shining a light on all the things that were so hard about motherhood and instead of finding the humor in it, it became more and more discouraging to me.
So, in an effort for being able to create realness in my social media feed and in my friendships, I was actually bringing in things that weren't helping me to find joy in motherhood. It was actually harming me. That is not to say and to discourage you from doing any venting or watching funny videos at all. I'm sharing that.
I had to take an honest inventory for myself and then put boundaries in place to protect my own mindset and my own motherhood journey for a season. Now I'm like, bring on all the funny sappy videos, because I love them all, but that well, and I guess that that brings up another really interesting point, because you know, just as I say that once I started like moving away from the funny, like quote, unquote, real mom stuff, it was like I swung so far the other way to where I was filling it with, you know, beautiful quotes about motherhood and very heartfelt things, and I almost became more discouraged at that point because then, like in an effort to find more joy in motherhood, I was discouraged that I didn't feel all these sappy feelings towards my kids.
So, the pendulum can swing both ways. My invitation to finding joy in motherhood for you is to take an honest inventory. Is the realness, is the, the quotes, or the, the reels that you're watching, the conversations you're having with other moms? Is that helping you or harming you in finding joy in motherhood right now? So that's number one.
The second step is to consider where you might be combining adulting responsibilities with motherhood connections. So, when I think about it, this is going back to the beginning of my motherhood journey. I remember writing down a list of all of the things that I wanted to do as a mom. I made this list when I was 17 years old. I was very naive.
I go back and I look at the list and I go that's kind of cute. It's like I wanted to keep a clean home and I wanted to make breakfast on Sundays, and I don't know. Like, all of a sudden, these things that I had no desire to do when I was that old, I thought, magically I might want to do them once.
I had kids, which I've learned a lot since then but what I realized was the mindset that I took into motherhood was that things like sweeping and cooking and cleaning and the laundry and working and all of these things all the things that a typical adult does I wrapped it into my definition of being a mom, and when I was not able to do those things, I then use that as a reflection of how I was not measuring up as a mother.
Now this is very damaging for so many of us I see it show up in my clients all the time is that when life gets hard and the adulting functions of our life can't take place because maybe we're caring for six kids, maybe we're in a busy season of soccer or recitals. Suddenly those things start to drop a little bit and then we think we're not being good moms in the process. So that's the first thing is you know, when we're considering this step, you know how are you combining adulting responsibilities with your mothering connections?
I want you to separate those two out. If it's something that you would do, regardless of whether or not you have children, consider that an adulting responsibility. All adults feed themselves, all adults I guess you don't. That's a broad statement. Most adults wash their underwear. Then you might include a couple more people in that process of washing underwear, but that's what I consider an adulting responsibility.
So, then we start looking at okay then, what's motherhood connection? And that's where I say you know, the actual role of being a mother is building a relationship with your kids outside of the laundry, home organization type things.
So, a long time ago there was a very beautiful quote was shared by one of our church leaders that essentially said you show love to your kids by TIME, like time. No, that's not the exact quote, but it was something along those lines and I remember thinking like that's very beautiful, and since then my brain took that and ran with it and used it as a weapon against me.
Like anytime I'm not spending time with my children, then I'm not loving them. It's so interesting how something that seems so good and right and beautiful we can take, and our mind can evolve it into something that can go against and be very helpful for us in finding joy and motherhood.
So, I want you if you have ever heard that quote or if there's sentiments that you have that you have to spend a lot of time with your children in order to show them love I want you just to pause for a second and first think about what you are already doing. I guarantee, if you are listening to this podcast, you are doing more than you think you are doing. If you haven't listened to my very first podcast episode ever, I would highly recommend it.
In that episode I talk about the skill of celebration. I believe it is the number one thing that I can teach you, and that is how to see and celebrate the things that you are doing, the hard work that you're doing, the connections you do have with your children, because when you start to see and feel proud of yourself and be able to see all the good that's there, then you can start taking an honest inventory of how you can improve your relationships with your children outside of those adulting responsibilities. So, let's dive a little bit deeper into this and use an example. So, for me, I know, or in the past, I would get really discouraged that my house was messy. I would get embarrassed to have people over.
If I knew someone was coming over, I would quickly hide things in the microwave or I push a bunch of stuff into my bedroom, so it appeared to be clean because I wanted to give the front that I was put together. I had an organized home and I had great relationships with my children. Okay, so that was what I used to do.
But then I would walk into my room and see this horrible mess that I had shoved in there and then began telling stories to myself about how I can't do anything right. I'm always behind, I can't get caught up on this, I'm not a good mom, I can't. I'm too busy worrying about this, I can't play with my kids and all of a sudden, the self-deprecation, all these negative thoughts, just like, started to consume me.
So, what I had to do at the time is I started to look at what are the values that I'm living in, or, I guess, what are the values that are important to me. Well, one of the values is I do want a clean home. That is something that I value. It's not so much the fact that it's clean, it's just how I feel in the environment. It feels less noisy in my brain when I come into an area and things are put together.
But what I had to recognize for myself was that that was separate than being able to have the value of connection with my children. So first I had to separate those two things out. Then I was able to sit down and look at okay, well, how am I managing my home?
Well, right now, I did do dishes. Maybe it took a couple days, but I did them every single time. I took out garbage, I washed clothes, so we had clean clothes. Now it didn't always look immaculate, but I was living the value that I had, and I could see how hard I was working and be proud of myself for that.
And then, from that place of being proud, I entered into the space of looking at my relationship with my children. And because I entered that not from a mindset of being a failure, but a mindset of like, I am doing a lot. And these are some other simple things that I can do. One of them was to have one-on-one time with my kids every single day, but it didn't work for me.
During the day, I knew that if I got the youngest to bed, I could spend time with the older, and I knew if the older knew I was going to spend time with that one, then I could get the younger one in bed easier and that one would stay occupied until they got a mom alone time. To this day, a decade later, that is still some of the most sacred special times I have with my kids is when we, when I'm tucking them in bed at night.
Even though it's a long process, it is something that I very much enjoy because it comes back to that core value, I have of building connections with my children. So that's just a very simple example for you, but I want you to think about this for yourself. Consider where you are combining adulting responsibilities with motherhood connection, separate those two out, really get to where you can be proud of yourself for the things that you are doing and then take an honest inventory of how you can find more joy, how you can improve upon those different areas of your life.
So, the third step, as we dive into it, is understanding how you feel joy Now for a long time. Well, let's say, okay, let's use this analogy Imagine there is a baseball field, and you have the you know, first base, second base, third base and then you've got your home base. Now that home base, think of that home base as like your emotion that you come back to most often.
For me, overwhelm, stress, despair, anxiety were my most common emotions. There was always some kind of flavor of that like overwhelming, discouraged despair filled with anxiety. That's not the case anymore. My home base that I come back to the most is joint fulfillment. Now I feel a full range of emotions very regularly, but that's the home base that I come back to once I start rounding all the bases. You know feeling all the emotions.
So, when we're looking at that, I think the most important thing is being able to understand how you feel joy. Now, this is different than happiness. In my mind, joy is something that, like happiness, feels more lighthearted. In my mind, it's fun. Like joy feels very deep and grounding and enriching and expanding in my core. It's like it feels so solid in my body, and being able to see what that joy is and being able to incorporate it in my everyday life is what keeps me grounded and in that home base emotion for me.
I know that I will always feel that grounded joy, fulfillment when I am snuggling with my children. Physical touch will always be a big thing for me.
I know, when I'm out in nature and I'm exploring the wonder of the creations that God has made in this beautiful earth, I know that books are something that will always bring me a lot of joy. I love being able to enter other worlds with my children and have fun thinking about different places based on the books that we read.
I also know that anytime I'm experimenting or exploring, those are things that are of value to me, and I can have a lot of joy in those moments. Now for me, though, and this is where I want you to really take a moment to think about this for yourself. The reason why I like those things are because they are part of my eternal makeup.
They are part of my God-given gifts and talents. My God-given gifts and talents are very different than your God-given gifts and talents. So, what brings you joy may look and feel similar, but there may be another way that it manifests.
So, for me, I love nature. I love being able to grow plants within my home. I love being able to sit and experiment with things with my kids, like let's mix a whole bunch of weird things together and see what happens. Like that to me is very fun. Or again like going back to plants because it's such a simple example.
I love being able to cut pieces off of plants and stick it in a thing of water and see if it grows roots. And if I kill another plant, who cares? It's not a big deal. I'm experimenting with nature. Okay, it sounds very silly, but that actually brings me so much joy.
What doesn't bring me joy are crafts Like I will never be a crafting mom and my beautiful children that are crafters. I'm convinced that they somehow got in line for me as their mom and they should have gone to my sisters Because my sisters are amazing crafters.
That is something that will never bring me joy like it does for my children, but I can incorporate people in their lives that help them to foster that kind of joy. But that won't be what brings me joy. Now I can visit their world. For a time, I may have some anxiety when there's glue all over my table and that's okay. I can manage that emotion.
But being able to know what brings me joy and incorporate that into my motherhood, being able to invite my children into my joy, is such a beautiful experience and it helps me stay very grounded in the day-to-day things that I'm doing.
Again, going back to snuggling with my kids, which is something that brings so much joy and so I incorporate that into our day to day and it just happens to be bedtime is the place that it happens the most. I will also say that I will never be a sports mom, for example.
I am so grateful for all of you that have really grabbed onto your children's sports and being able to be and show up at every single game and cheer them on. I maybe have pieces like a musical mom, but I can't sing at all. But I can read notes and I can really help and encourage and that's fun for me because I'm experimenting and exploring their world with them.
So that's where I really want you just to take a time to find that joy in motherhood. That is an integral part is knowing how you feel joy, what are the things that bring you joy and how can you incorporate that into your everyday life with your children. That, more than anything, is what will really grow and expand and fill your life with so much joy and fulfillment with your children.
The very last thing that I want to mention is that, although I call this podcast Finding Joy in Motherhood if I use the word finding, it implies that something is lost I truly believe that that joy is already there.
I know that life can be very hard. Children can be very demanding. I also know that you really love your children and want to feel joyful when you are around them. These steps that I give you are to help that joy come out at a much greater frequency and that it can happen more often and on a bigger level. But I promise you that joy is already there. It just might take a little bit of mining to find it again. Have a wonderful week. I will talk to you soon.
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