The Most Life Changing Lesson I Can Teach You (Part 1)

Ever wondered how throwing your own victory party could be the hidden key to sustained personal growth?

Self-celebration is far more than a feel-good moment—it's your armor against the backward pull of old habits and a beacon guiding you to intentional living. In this episode, I want you to really know how special and dear you are to my heart, so I'm sharing with you the most life changing lesson I learned hoping it can change your life, just like it has changed mine.

If you're hesitating on trusting your heart and gut, this episode if you.

What you'll learn in this episode:  

• The role of self-celebration in acknowledging personal milestones and fostering a sense of fulfillment
• How seeking external approval can overshadow trusting your own instincts and decisions
• Strategies for cultivating self-trust and honoring your personal journey without the need for external affirmation
• The four signs that suggest a need to work on self-approval
• Identifying patterns that may hinder self-recognition

Featured on the Show: 

• Brooke Castillo
• The Life Coach School

Click HERE to watch this video to learn The 3 Things to Avoid When Reading Self-Help Books

How to Connect with Lara:

Web: www.larajohnsoncoaching.com

Instagram: www.instagram.com/j.lara.johnson/

Facebook: www.facebook.com/larajohnsoncoaching

Work with Lara: www.larajohnsoncoaching.com/work-with-me/

Transcript

Welcome to the Mom On Purpose podcast. I'm Lara Johnson, and I'm here to teach you how to get out of your funk, be in a better mood, play more with your kids, manage your home better, get your to do list done and live your life on purpose. With my proven method, this is possible for you, and I'll show you how.

You're not alone anymore. We're in this together.

Hello and welcome back to the Mom On Purpose podcast. I hope you know that every single week I get so excited to talk to you. I honestly feel like and I've probably told you this before when I'm recording these podcasts, I imagine you sitting on, like at my counter and I've fed you something, because if you come into my house, chances are I'm going to feed you something, just because that's who I am. 

And if we're eating and you know whatever we're moving about and I'm across the counter at my sink and I'm washing dishes and we're just like talking, like girlfriends talk, and our kids might be playing together or your kids are in school and we're just kind of shooting the breeze a little bit. And the reason why I always have that image is because I want you to feel the love that I have for you. 

I want you to really know how special and near and dear you are to my heart, because the things that I share here are things that are of so much importance to me and that they are as much of an importance to you and that they can change your life, just like they've changed mine. So, I hope you have that image in your mind as we dive into this today, because this is one of my favorite topics. 

Anytime I get on a consultation with somebody before we work, I always kind of outline what my program is and I always get to the very end and I say and this is the most important thing that I can teach you out of all of that, and that is learning the skill of celebrating yourself and I always tell them on the consult I'm like I know that I'm writing this at the end of my program, but this is actually the most important thing that I can impart on you, so we're going to be learning it throughout. 

So what? As I'm explaining that to them, I always get to that part and I say the reason why this is so important is because without this, you will sabotage any success that you have without fail all the time, and you'll get to that point where you'll start changing and you're growing and evolving, and then something will happen or it feels too good to be true and your mind will start playing tricks on you. 

That is why this is the most important thing, because it does not matter what you learn. If you do not know this particular skill, then you will revert back to your old self, back to your old beliefs, back to your old patterns and behaviors every single time. So I want you just to really like again. Imagine you're sitting at the counter and I'm washing these dishes and I'm like shaking my hand. It was like a water on, like, yes, this is like the best thing I can share with you. 

So, I wanted to start with just a story about how I really knew this was something that I needed to work on. So, a long time ago this was probably at the beginning of my business I was trained and certified through the life coach school with Brooke Castillo. Some people are familiar with her. There have been a lot of changes within the life coach school. 

I don't love all of them. I do miss what used to be, so I don't talk a lot about my certification as much, but it really was, at the time, the best school out there and it was, hands down, the most life-changing experience. I will forever be grateful for Brooke Castillo and the things that she taught me. 

So, I had an opportunity. I was probably about nine months into my business and I had a chance to go on a writer's retreat with Brooke Castillo and there were eight of us total and her, and this was very intimidating because up until this point, this was somebody that you only saw at a distance and she was so much my mentor, but she had no idea who I was.

 So being able to be in her presence was just a really incredible experience. One, because I realized she was very human, just like the rest of us, and two, I learned a lot of amazing things from her that really changed my life. So during this writer's retreat, each day we would like everybody was working on some different project. 

So, you would go, and you would write, and you'd come back and you'd kind of talk about your experience. And then you'd go, and you'd write, and you'd come back and talk about your experience. So, Brooke was doing the same thing she was. She was making you know one of her programs that she has now. 

At the time and when we would bring things back, she would kind of call on people to share some of their thoughts. It wasn't like everybody got to share and I remember she called on me and I was sharing what I had written and some of my thoughts about it, sharing what I had written and some of my thoughts about it, and I really wanted her approval on it before I moved on and she kind of gave me, you know, some of that feedback. 

And then, you know, we went back, and we worked on it, and we came back and she just kind of asked a follow-up question on, like you know how did that go? And I was like well, can I read this to you? And she's like, no, it's like you know. Like it took my breath away. And I was like what? And she's like I, I know you want my approval on this and I'm not going to give it to you. She's like do you like what you wrote? 

Do you think what you wrote is really good? And I was like well, yeah, yeah, I do. And she's like but you still want my approval, don't you? I was like, yeah, I do, because I'm new to business. You're very, you know, experienced in business. I really want to read this to you because I want you to tell me how good it is. 

She just kind of laughed and she's like I'm not going to give you that approval, but where else do you do that in your life? Like, do you ask or want a lot of people's approval in your life? And it honestly felt like she punched me in the gut, and I was like oh my gosh, right then and there she called me out on the spot, and it was such a safe environment. 

Of course, you know, it wasn't like she was being unkind by any means. She was noticing a very distinct pattern that I had in my life and when I really sat back and it was so funny because you know how there's always like that one thing that you just have to like do that one thing to finish and I just like walked away from that day of the writer's retreat feeling like I wasn't complete because I didn't have her approval, even though I liked what I wrote and I thought it was really good. 

That was a very life changing for me. It was something so small and simple for her but something so big for me because what it, what it showed me was that I spent more time trying to get praise and approval from other people than I did listening to my own heart and my own gut and being able to trust myself. 

Now I want to be very clear here that there is nothing wrong with wanting praise from other people, but it's very important to know if you spend more time and energy pining for someone else's approval than you do for, like, listening to your own heart and gut, okay. So, I want to get really clear. You are the only one that will be able to know. The difference here is if you are so concerned about other people and the accolades you may get from them, versus being able to trust your own instincts and move forward on those. 

So that's kind of the story I want to start with, as we're learning the skill of celebration and celebrating ourselves, that we have to first be onto ourselves so that we know that this is something we can work on. So, I'm actually going to break this into two parts, because I do think it is something so critical for every single one of us. 

So, I wanted to spend just this episode talking about the four ways. You'll know that you need to work on this, and I want you to take these as invitations, you know, as mental, physical, spiritual check-in for yourself, so that you will know if this is something that that resonates with you and you need to do a deeper work on it. And you'll know that because when I read it, you'll kind of feel like a lurch in your heart or, like, you know, a drop in your stomach. You're like, yeah, I totally do. 

Okay, and I made this. This is not a comprehensive list, so if there's something that I don't share on here and you do take an inventory of yourself and you do see that that's something that you do, you know still take this to heart, okay, so the first way to know that you need to work on this that like you're so concerned about other people's approval is if you asked, you ask for someone's thoughts on something but then you don't actually like their thoughts and you kind of disregard it because you already know in your heart what you want to do, but you want someone to agree with you first before you act on it. So, I saw this. 

You know, probably this was before I launched my business, probably even before I had started. You know the nonprofit that I did. You know this was when I was more in the exploratory phase of my life, trying to figure out where I wanted to go. I was working when I called my hobby job. I absolutely loved it was something just for me. I probably lost money doing it because I was spending more on sitters, but most of it I could do from home, so that helped balance it out. 

I loved the people that I worked with, but I knew it wasn't my forever job, and so I had all these different ideas and I would, I would feel really good about something and I would sit down and you know, my husband and I in the evenings we're just talking and I'd run an idea by him and he'd give me his thoughts on it and it was most of the time he was just sharing his thoughts, you know, as a professional, but they weren't positive thoughts on like, yes, you should go and do that. 

It was never. That was never his response. That's also not his personality. But it was funny that I kept like putting these things out there, hoping that he would say that, even though I knew that wasn't really his personality, though I knew that wasn't really his personality. But what I was seeking was I wanted him to agree with me, I wanted him to think it was a good idea before I actually acted on it. 

And I stayed in that spot for years because it was like I knew there was this stirring in my heart and I knew I was going to have to pave the way on my on my own, but yet I wasn't ready to do that, yet that I had to, you know, develop some skills before I was able to do that. You know, I really worked on a lot of my like self-love, a lot of self-trust, you know, being able to see my own mind, and I really started to grow in that confidence to the point where I knew so strong in my heart that I was to be a life coach. 

I can tell you exactly where I was in my house when the prompting came. It came twice and I remember going and talking to my husband and I'm like I know you won't understand this and that's okay, I believe, enough for the both of us right now. 

But this is what I am supposed to do and I had to pave that way and it was so hard for both of us because neither one of us knew what this would look like and I wanted to know that he was on board. He wasn't. Of course he's a very supportive, loving, adoring husband. But neither one of us really knew why I was doing this. I just knew that in my heart that's what I was being asked to do. 

So that's, that's an invitation for you is, if you find yourself asking for someone's thoughts, it might be a husband, it might be a mom, a sister, a girlfriend, you know, whatever that person is for you in your life, if you're always running your ideas by them and they don't agree with them, but you still feel something tugging at your heart, just know that it's time to start working on that skill of celebration and being able to trust yourself. Okay, so that's. That's the first one. 

The second way that you'll know this is something you need to work on is if you have the quote unquote good student mentality, where you want to be front and center in anything that you're doing and you hope that others are seeing the hard work that you're putting in and that they are validating you. I want to be clear again that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be seen and heard and validated. My concern here and my invitation to you is if you are more concerned about getting that from other people than you are from yourself. 

So, what this looks like for a lot of my clients is they show up every single day. They go through, they clean their entire house, they work so hard, their husband gets home from work and doesn't say anything about it, and they become so discouraged that they feel like they just, you know they give up. They're like well, nobody sees how hard I'm working. Okay, that's part of the good student mentality that, for the most part, a lot of us were really big strivers in school. We wanted to get the good grades. Because it felt good to get the good grades. We wanted, you know, to be working. 

And it feels good when you're working because you have a boss that says, yeah, like you really did a great job on this, here's a gold star, here's a promotion, here's a bonus, you know, of some sort okay. So, then that translates into your home life where there is not a boss. Your children could care less what the house looks like. You're not getting that good grade and suddenly this good student mentality has nowhere to go, and so you become very discouraged about yourself and very discouraged about the circumstances in your life. 

Okay, so that's another way. In addition to that, I'd also say you're not even giving yourself credit for the things that you are doing. So, because there's not somebody there rewarding you or giving you that gold star, then the stuff you're doing doesn't actually count and you kind of cross it off in your mind. I'm like it's, it's not worth it, or I'm not doing that much. In reality, you are Okay. So that's the second way you'll know that you need to work on. 

The third way to know that you need to practice the skill of celebration, or learn the skill of celebrating yourself, is if you focus more on perfection over getting something done. Now, there are times where something does need to be just right, but there are also times where just getting something done is enough, but it doesn't feel satisfying to you. Okay. 

So, an example of this is you know, I I've had many clients who call themselves perfectionists and when we really start diving into it, it's that they're not so much start diving into it, it's that they're not so much. They're not concerned about getting the thing done as much as they are concerned about it being completely perfect, because other people are going to see the work and they want it just right. 

So, and again, an example might be you're volunteering at the book fair and you're setting up all of the things at the book fair and you're making sure that, like the tables and you know there's like the parts in the middle that are up a little bit higher than the others, and the books are spread just right and you know those kids are going to walk in and mess all of those up the second, the doors open, but you want to make sure it looks just perfect before it happens to the point where, even though it's done, you then spend an additional hour or two or more just like adjusting and getting things just right. 

Another way that this used to show up for me in my own life was a lot of my like my church volunteering. I'm not the creative person, the most creative person, when it comes to visual things, you know, doing a centerpiece or anything like that. That was not me, but you better believe in any organization. 

Like I had it very meticulously planned out, I had spreadsheets, I had agendas, I had things that we needed to follow, and when we got off of those, even though it was fine, it like caused so much anxiety because I wanted to be that very perfect leader that was able to guide people through and not have any mistakes, because other people in the congregation might see those or I might drop a ball somewhere. 

And so, for me that's where a lot of my perfection came in is always being in fear of not being seen as a good leader or being a ball dropper and forgetting to follow through on something which I do all the time, by the way. But that was like the anxiety, and so I knew that, like no matter what, I wasn't celebrating myself because I had so much anxiety over getting it just right and really showing up as that perfect leader. So that was our third was focusing on perfection over getting it done. 

The fourth way that you'll know that you need to work on this is if, in the past, you had an ‘I deserve this’ mentality when it comes to celebrating yourself. Now, this can be a very tricky one, because you will have lots of people in your life that will support this belief. As a culture and a society, we support this belief. Now, again, there's nothing wrong. I am all for buying celebration things or going out to eat for a celebration dinner. You know, you graduate from college, you go out and have a nice dinner or somebody gives you something as a gift. Those aren't bad things. It all comes back to the intention behind it. 

So I know when I have slipped into this, because I will sit down in the evening after a hard day with the kids or cleaning, or there was just so much mental and emotional load that was going on stressing about my kids and I'll sit down at night and I'll turn a show on and I'll grab powdered donuts or I'll grab some chocolate chips, because that's what we have, or you know, I just start like finding random things and it's not like I ever say like I deserve this. It's more like I'm going to sit here. It's almost like this really determined, almost justifying way, like immediately, I'm like it's fine, like it's a, it's a donut, it's half a bag of donuts. 

Okay, like I'll start immediately, start justifying like it's fine, like it's a donut, it's half a bag of donuts. Okay, like I'll start immediately, start justifying like it's not that big of a deal, it's just that. So, all of a sudden, I immediately know that like my heart and my gut are saying something different, but my mind starts justifying like why it's okay for me to have this. 

It's almost like a like this inner battle, this like anger, you know, back and forth I'm having with myself, and it really comes down to the fact that, like that's the internal belief, it's like I deserve to sit here and relax. I had a hard day. But then I start justifying the way I'm relaxing and the way I'm celebrating myself in ways that I don't actually want to do. 

So that's where I want you to get very clear and very onto yourself, because if you sit down in the evening and you go to have some kind of dessert and you don't actually like you eat it so fast and like, then you find yourself justifying why it was okay. Chances are you're not understanding and learning how to celebrate yourself in a healthier, more fulfilling way.

 Now you'll know if this isn't the case, because when you go to celebrate yourself, there will be so much joy behind it where you will actually go out to eat and it will feel joyful. It may be with other companies, maybe like your favorite dessert place, and you go, and you've been waiting to like eat this dessert and it just feels like joy instead of comfort. 

Now, the first time I really experienced this joy was when I launched the podcast. I had this idea. So, I was pregnant at the time with my fourth and I remember I remember my friend saying like I want to do some kind of sprinkle for you. It's been a long time since you've had a baby and I'm like I would love that, but I just want to hang out, like let's all just get together and hang out and have a good time and have a girl's night, and so I kind of had that on my mind already. 

And then when I was talking with my podcast manager, my coach, she was inviting me to think about, like how do you want to launch this? And I realized, instead of a baby shower and we have wedding showers I actually wanted to have a podcast shower for, like my launch party, where I just brought together all the amazing women in my life and we got to just celebrate joy of like something hard that I did, and it felt so much like a baby shower in the sense that like you're creating this new life and you get to come and think about all the wonderful things and hear advice and just celebrate this new life. 

That's what it felt like when I had my podcast launch party, where it felt like total joy. It was catered, it was decorated beautifully, we had we had, you know, fun things that we were doing. We had a DJ, we stayed up all night dancing. That was like one of the best celebrations I ever could have had and that felt very different than like I deserve this. It was like I wanted to share this as part of the celebration of myself and the things that I just created. 

You know not the time it was. I was creating a child and the podcast at the same time, so it just felt like so much joy, being there with all the people that I love. That is a very different experience than lying in bed at night adding things to a shopping cart and buying them because I think I deserve it, to celebrate how hard I worked. 

Okay, so I want you to just pause for a moment. I'm going to read these back to you, these four ways. You'll know you need to work on this. I want you to listen to yourself, listen to your heart and really ask yourself, do these things resonate with you? Is there something else you would add? And then, in their next part, we're going to dive into the actual skill. 

Okay, so again, these are invitations to you to take an inventory. You ask someone for their thoughts but then disregard their thoughts because you don't like them, or hook, line and sinker, and you don't actually follow through on what your heart is saying. You just believe what they say. 

The second is if you have the good student mentality, where you are more concerned about other people seeing how hard you're working and you're not giving yourself credit for how hard you're working. 

You want that external validation from someone else. The third one is you focus more on perfection versus getting it done. You want to make sure everything is just right, and then you get really frustrated if no one notices. You know, it's kind of that good student mentality mixed into it as well. 

And then the fourth one is if there's a very subtle I deserve this belief to where you eat, you shop, you drink, you know whatever that thing is almost out of like a justification, almost like gritting your teeth, like oh, like I deserve this kind of thing, versus feeling total joy while you're doing the celebration, all right. 

So, there you have it. I want you to really check in with yourself and if this resonated with you, please go over to the rate and review. If you feel so inclined, please leave a five-star rating as well as any thoughts you have about this podcast. Have a wonderful week, friend.  

Thank you for listening. Please share, review and subscribe to this podcast so that together, we can live life on purpose.