Why Pushing Harder Isn’t Working and What to Do Instead

You're doing the inner work, taking action, and yet still seeing minimal change, if any!

Maybe you've been internalising this struggle and started wondering if something is wrong with you! 

Seeing others achieve wonderful things while your progress seems slow can be disheartening.

You know you have the power to change your reality, but sometimes you wish you didn’t know that. Life seemed simpler when you thought things were just as they were, with no way to change them.

You're pushing and pushing, sometimes you're high and then others, you feel like giving up... it's exhausting!

It's easy to forget that manifestation is meant to be fun! But when it doesn't seem to work, it can feel heavy. The more you push against life, the more it pushes back.

The path to everything you desire is right in front of you, you just haven't seen it yet. 
 
The world acts as a mirror, reflecting back to us where we believe we’re not free. By revealing the unconscious patterns, beliefs, and programmes that run our lives, we can release the resistance that keeps them in place. Once the resistance is gone, they no longer hold any power over us.

In this week's podcast episode, I share my own journey on the road to self-acceptance – embracing myself exactly as I am, where I am right now. This is the key that unlocks your energy for transformation. 

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Transcript

Sian 0:26

Beautiful souls, and welcome to the Vibrant Mind, Vibrant Life podcast. My name's Sian Hill. I am your host, and today I am here to share with you some really exciting news. This is something that I've been working on for quite some time, And it's been a journey to get here, So if you've been listening in over the last few months, you will have heard snippets of my journey and how things have been changing and evolving Some stuff has come up. There's been some things that I've been working through all good, by the way I want to, before I actually dive into this, this is what I want to share with you because it's really important. When I tell you about the experiences that I've had, when stuff has come up, you know, old wounds of fear of abandonment and things that had been lurking under the surface that I didn't even know were there, yet they had been really steering the direction of my life. When they come up, when I'm faced with that, it's like, internal obstacle, for want of a better word, when emotions come to the surface, when all these beliefs come up and I think, oh my goodness me, where the heck am I going with my life? And I feel really uncertain and really wobbly in that moment. I also really embrace it and welcome it with open arms Because I know that on the other side of that, there is so much waiting for me. There is a bigger, better, bolder version of me, Who is living in her true power. So, although it's a really uncomfortable moment, it's also the most beautiful experience. And not just when you get to the other side of it. I've really learned to embrace and embody the process itself. Without trying to force it to rush through it or to slow it down to just let it be what it is knowing that it'll all be taken care of and it will all happen perfectly when I get out of my own way and just allow it to unfold. Now the reason I thought it was important to mention that is that I've had a number of people with really big hearts reaching out to check if I'm okay because I've shared some of those moments. So I wanted to reassure you that when I do share it with you, I'm out the other end. I've been through it and I've actually really embraced the process. It's not a bad thing. In my world, it's a really powerful and empowering moment. And I invite you to take on that perspective yourself as well, because it all, it is all just a perception., I could absolutely have those moments come into my awareness, those memories, those experiences, and push them down, resist them, not want to go there, brush them under the carpet, or I could become a victim to them and think, why is this happening to me? Oh, here we go again. And I hate going through this just as things are going well. That is one perception and it doesn't feel good. So I choose to see it as, right, what is this here to teach me? What is there to learn? What is it that it's bringing into my awareness that I haven't yet noticed that is going to give me the breakthrough that I've been asking for? Because that's the thing, when you are asking for goals, when you have things that you want to achieve, when you're putting out into the universe, when you're writing it down, when you're putting it on your vision board, however it is that you decide there is something that you want that you don't yet have, the universe, your unconscious mind, Will have to bring into your conscious awareness the very things that are stopping it from happening. Whether you choose to go there and see that for what it is, And embrace it, it's up to you. Now, this actually, this isn't the route that I was going to go, but it leads me on nicely to what it is that I wanted to share with you and what it is that I have coming up. So the, the process of creation, as in creating something that you want that you don't yet have, is a process of becoming. And I've spoken about this previously. If there is something that you want to have, a goal, something material, an experience, a partner, money, you want to change your body, whatever it might be, there is something that you want to have that you don't yet have. So goals are things that we want to have. And in order to have something new, we have to do something different. There will be different actions that we need to take or not take. So there'll be an interaction with the world in a way that probably hasn't been there previously, For example, if it's a health goal, you might start eating differently, exercising differently, meditating, getting a massage, depending on what your goals are. If it's a relationship goal, maybe you start going out dating. Maybe it's to improve the relationship that you already have. If it's a money goal, maybe you'd start your own business. You put yourself forward for a new job or a promotion. So there may be actions that you aren't already taken, things that you will do in order to have a different result. And maybe you are already doing those things. Hold that thought for a moment because I'm going to come back to it. Now, the most powerful and the most efficient way to do the things that you want to do, to have the things that you want to have, is to be the person who is that, who does that. So, this is the be, do, have principle, which you may have heard and I've spoken about previously. So when you become the person, you hold the identity of the person who is fit and healthy, the person who has a great relationship, the person who has a strong business, who sees themselves as an entrepreneur, who's somebody who is successful, who believes they can achieve anything, then you show up very differently. You take very different actions automatically because you have the inner systems in place, the inner programs that support you within the action. And when you show up differently, when you take that action, you automatically get a result. So the having element of goals, the achievement of them then becomes a by product of who you are. And what I want to focus on here is the do bit, because you may well be thinking, yeah but Sian, I'm already doing the stuff, I'm already taking the action, I've shared my offers with people, I've been putting things out into the world, I go on social media, nobody's buying from me, I'm going to the gym, I'm not getting the results, I'm on, Tinder. Plenty of fish. I don't, I don't know what the dating websites are these days, but wherever it is that you're putting yourself out there, I'm doing the stuff and I'm still not getting the results, so this doesn't make sense at all. And I'm even doing the inner work. In fact, I'm All of the inner work. I'm clearing up my blocks. I'm working on my beliefs. I'm doing the breathwork. I'm doing the meditation. I'm doing the affirmations. I'm doing the journaling. I'm doing it all. And still, nothing is changing. And do you know what? I'm getting so fed up. I'm thinking, is this ever going to shift? If that is something that you can resonate with, then firstly I want to reassure you that wherever you are right now is absolutely perfect, and I want you to give yourself some compassion, some grace, and space to breathe for a moment. When you are consistently working towards something and you have no idea why things aren't falling into place, that can sometimes feel even more frustrating than not doing anything. Because if you're not taking action, if you're not actively working towards your goals and they don't appear, well then hey, you weren't doing it anyway, so what's the problem? Yet when you are taking what you believe are all the right steps and things still don't fall into place, it can be easily to internalise that and create limiting beliefs or internal conflicts off the back of it. And then what often happens is you end up resisting your current circumstances more than ever. And life feels harder than it was before. Because now you know that there is more available. So being where you currently are, knowing that there's more, can feel like you're settling. And you want more than that. So you start pushing against what is. You start resisting life, thinking this isn't what I want, this isn't good enough. and the saying, what you resist persists, really comes into play here. Because The more you push against where you currently are, what you currently have, the more of it you will create. So if you are finding yourself in that position of feeling like it's block after block after block, every time I release a limiting belief, nothing changes. And then I've got more work to do. And it almost feels like you're just constantly doing the inner work, but the outer world isn't reflecting it back at you and the resistance grows stronger and stronger and stronger. And the question that is continually running around in your mind is what am I doing wrong? Why does nothing seem to be working? Now I'm sharing this with you from a place of personal experience and from speaking with other women who are doing the work using various modalities and coming up against the same resistance time and time again. And then looking outside for the answers, thinking, That maybe it's just the tool they're using. And if they learn a different tool, that will be the answer. Essentially putting your power in the hands of something or someone else rather than owning your own power. So this is where I found myself not all that long ago. Now I'm going to add here that life was good. So this wasn't from a place of things being terrible in my life. You know, I wasn't in a position of not being able to pay the bills, or going hungry, or a debilitating illness, or any anything that you could call extreme. Life was just happening, Yeah, it almost felt like that made it worse because what have I got to complain about? And And added to that, I also have the knowledge and the toolkit to be able to resolve these kind of things. So then I was questioning, why is it that I can't get this right and I can't tell anybody about it? There was so much shame attached to it, thinking that I should know all the answers. I've been studying this stuff for years. Why can't I just work it out? And I really internalized that and pushed up against it some more and felt that resistance even more powerfully. So it's an interesting cycle that I've gotten myself into and one that I believe unfolded perfectly exactly as it was meant to for me to get the lessons to integrate and come out the other end, which is where I am now. And of course I've gone off on a tangent as I usually do and I have completely lost my trail of thought so I can't remember where I began with that story and where it ended but anyway. So I've been going through a process, and I have come out the other end. Within that. So yeah, that's where I was. So I was going to share with you how I've come to where I am. Now for the last. Six years, I want to say. Could even be seven years. Six or seven years, something like that. I have been training NLP, timeline therapy, hypnotherapy, coaching. So that has been my main source of income. That has been working in my own business. I had a business partner for a while. I was a consultant for another company. so delivering courses to people, accrediting them in NLP. Prior to that, I was a master practitioner and a practitioner. I did my course back in 2011. So I've been reading about, learning about this stuff. for well over a decade. And I'm going to be honest, not consistently. So between 2012, when my life turned around after learning Master Practitioner, after going through the program, everything transformed to the point that it no longer felt painful. It was wonderful. Life was great and I just wanted to go and enjoy it. So there were some gaps where I wasn't actively practicing, embodying, or doing NLP, for want of a better word. and over the years I dipped in and out of it, until I went all in on it. So when it came to who I saw myself as at an identity level, I identified as an NLP trainer and a business owner and a hypnotherapy trainer and a timeline therapy trainer, that, you know, I, I am somebody who delivers courses. And so I, I took action towards that. And I had wonderful people enroll on and Go through the programs with me and it was all working well until it wasn't So earlier this year, I was getting less interest than normal in my programs, which I was okay with. I I appreciate that life works in waves. we have ups, we have downs, and being able to navigate them and have that internal stability throughout is part of life. And, though, I knew that there was more going on. I knew deep down, even though I wasn't willing to admit it to myself at that time, that the results that I was getting were a direct reflection of how I was feeling internally. I knew that something that I was doing wasn't quite right anymore. rollback for a moment, sorry this story's kind of going here there and everywhere, the months leading up to that point, I had been going deep on the inner work, I've been looking at the shame that I'd been holding on to that I didn't even know was present. I'd been uncovering some beliefs that I didn't even know that I had and releasing and so there'd been a kind of a real peeling back the layers, going through a bit of the stickiness, And I got to the point of admitting to myself that something isn't quite right, but I didn't know what it was. So the wheels had already started turning, My awareness was present, I just wasn't quite sure what I was aware of, if that makes sense. I was aware something wasn't quite right, but I didn't quite know what it is. And maybe you felt that yourself, you know when something is off, but you can't quite put your finger on what it is that you're experiencing. So anyway, the one evening I went along to a breathwork session. And, man oh man, I did not expect what would happen that evening. I did the breathwork session, which I think I've shared on a previous podcast, and it was a bit like an exorcism. My whole body was shaking, There were, there were tears, there was snot, there was all sorts going on. I've never seen anything like it. But the release that I had was huge. And off the back of that, I had complete clarity. In fact, I don't think I've shared about this. Because I remember saying that I had clarity. Now that clarity for me, came in the form of a change in direction. For the first time I admitted to myself that whilst I have loved delivering my NLP courses, it wasn't what I wanted to do forever. I had a moment of fast forwarding the clock on my timeline and seeing myself delivering the same course in 20 years and it didn't excite me. I don't want to keep talking about the same things in the same way. And in fact, my favourite part of delivering the training are the bits in between. The interactions outside of the training, the conversations that take place, and the breakthroughs that people have through that process. Now this may not seem like a big deal for many people, yet for me, the previous six years, my identity had been, I am an NLP trainer. It's what I do. I have a business. It's what I do. It's who I am. And I acted accordingly. And then. To go back to the point earlier, I was doing the same things, although on reflection, maybe less of them yet not achieving the same results, and that's because who I was, who I believed myself to be, and identified as was beginning to shift, After that breathwork session, I began to see a much bigger vision for my life, which didn't involve delivering group NLP practitioner programs anymore. And letting go of that, and shedding that identity, was very uncomfortable because Who was I if I'm not doing that? And here's the really interesting bit that I want to share with you that I hadn't realised at the time. Delivering a programme where people received a certificate at the end of it. gave me that sense that it was worth investing in. that's what they were there for. So I felt really comfortable knowing that whoever worked with me had something tangible to take away at the end of it. Whereas working with people, when there isn't necessarily a tangible result, your transformation, it can absolutely be tangible in that you can go and do things that you've never done before and achieve results that you never have. Yet it all starts with you and that is what coaching is about. That is the work. And you don't get a certificate for that. Not officially. Like, you can create one. But there's no certificate for validation that goes with it. And although I have always coached people one to one, and had clients doing that, that wasn't the main source of income. That wasn't the bread and butter. So the pressure on that wasn't really ever there. It was something that I did on the side, And so there was never any resistance around it. so anyway, I digress. This is going to be like the longest podcast ever. Apologies for that, and if you're still here, well thank you for sticking around. I was gonna say long story short, but that's, it's far too late to say that. So this is a really frickin long way of me sharing with you an experience that I've been through, which has led to revealing some of those beliefs, some of those thoughts that were staring me in the face, as in the world was literally reflecting back to me what was going on for me internally, Yet I didn't see it. And through this process, through the process of learning new tools, which include breathwork, include an abundance alchemy process, as well as a number of other processes, the journey that I ended up going on, which wasn't what I expected, was a journey of complete acceptance. As in, acceptance of myself, acceptance of my current situation, of my current reality, exactly as it stands. And not just acceptance, acceptance with love, with compassion, with knowing that That it is all perfect and I am exactly where I'm meant to be in any moment in time. I released the resistance to what was. And doing that created such an inner peace, such an inner stability that I found no matter what was happening in the external world, I felt okay. And with that came a level of trust, a level of knowing that I've never experienced before. I learnt how to own and step into my own power. And it wasn't long before the world started reflecting that back at me. In many weird and wonderful ways, One of the biggest things being, which, I think I'll do a separate podcast on this, but just for now, big picture. Moving house to a house that is a real expansion. As in, it's a heck of a lot bigger in size. The location is in the middle of nowhere, it feels really expansive. The house feels like a direct reflection of how I am internally. It's so peaceful, it feels really spacious, there's room to grow, and I know that that is not by accident. Although it wasn't by purposeful design, it wasn't planned for, I also know that the house that we were in started to feel restrictive. And so it was no longer a match. it unfolded, and the speed at which it unfolded couldn't have been planned for. And it was a journey that I know prior to doing the work that I've been doing would have been a really uncomfortable and probably even scary time yet I felt a complete sense of certainty and knowing that everything was working out in a way that I never have done before and I had zero attachment to the outcome. I knew that wherever we landed was going to be perfect, and whilst I could say that I was excited about it all, the energy of excitement for me can almost feel like something that isn't quite here yet. It's something that's coming up, like Christmas, you know, you feel excited until it's here, and then it's lovely, it's not that same sense of excitement. So when something is here, when it's now, when it's already happening and unfolding, and you know that is the case, it is This is just my world, by the way. This is my internal world. That excitement feels more stable in its energy, because it just is. You know how when you achieve the goal, when you get there, it's like, oh well yeah, it's here now, and I'm there. So any excitement was the leading up to it. And throughout this process, whilst I did have the excitement to begin with, that excitement grounded in to this is now, this is happening, this is who I am. And so, this is a really long way of me telling you that after really stepping into my power, experiencing the significant shifts that I have, the shedding of what was and the embracing of who I have become in the process, it's something that I want to share with the world. And so that is exactly what I'm doing. I am officially launching my Reflective Alchemy Program. Where I'll be sharing with you the tools, the experience, the process for you to have your own journey of alchemy, of transforming that resistance into your power. And being able to come back to it every single day. So this really is about being in it for the long haul. I am all for the big transformations, and this is what I do with my one to one clients, where we dive deep, and the transformation, it's big, it's impactive, and it happens instantly. Yes, you will be experiencing some transformations throughout this program. You will be having big aha moments. We're going to be using the world as a mirror that is reflecting back at you exactly what it is that you need to work on to be able to break through to the other side. And more than that, It's about the integration so that you can sustain it and make it your new way of being, your new way of living. The embodiment of that new identity. So that is what this program is all about. So if you've been doing the inner work for a while, and yet you're finding that nothing much has changed. then there's probably something that you're not seeing. So this eight week program is an opportunity to dive deep into these reflections, bring those unconscious patterns to life and then grow from them, learn from them, transform those emotions, expand your energy so that you are open to receive more, really embody the new version of you, letting go of attachment to the outcome, releasing that resistance and then regulating your nervous system so that when these, Big breakthroughs come when you start having these opportunities, you're able to handle them physically, mentally, and emotionally. Because whilst you may think, I really want this big thing to come into my life. If you try it on and you imagine that it actually happens, how does that sit with you physically? Do you feel that you can actually cope with it? Or does it feel like too much? Because your unconscious mind is here to protect you. It wants to keep you safe. And if something feels like too much, even if it's what you want, you are going to resist it. So it's how can you regulate yourself in a way that enhances your capacity to receive and to hold on to the things that you do receive. There's going to be lots of things covered. Now this first program that I'm launching is for the founding members. It is a beta course, it's going to only be for 10 people, and there are only 9 spaces left. And because it's the beta program, founding members will receive an unbelievable offer that goes with it. So if you are curious to know more, then head to the link in the show notes and you can check out what's included. Obviously this is going to be refined over the eight weeks. The program will be beginning in August sometime. The dates are to be confirmed and what I can promise you is it's that it's going to be a beautiful and a really powerful eight weeks that we spend together. I'm going to be pouring my heart and soul into this to bring to you things that are not only going to help you to transform how you think, how you feel, your perception of life and what is possible for you, But to also show you how to become your own source of power And when you are able to do that, this is when you shine a bright light This is when you light the path for others to see and whether it's in your relationship in your finances in your business In your health, this is when the means to bring that from the thought form, from the idea into the manifest, the tangible 3D reality become available to you. Head to the link in the show notes and check it out and see if it resonates for you. That's what I really want you to check in with, whether it's listening to me speak, heading to the page to see what's included, dropping me a message. I want you to feel into it and check, is this for me? And of course, if you have any questions, you are welcome to get in touch. And for now, I will leave it there. I feel like there's probably something that I missed. I have no idea where that conversation went. But however it went is absolutely perfect. And as always, have an amazing week. And I will see you next time.