Ep. 57: Your Attraction Points & People

Ever feel strongly attracted to someone? Wanting to spend time with them?

And likewise also feel unattracted or neutral about a  different person. Just meh.

What creates this attraction or the neutrality or repulsion in us when we mix with other people? This is what I call chemistry or attraction points.

 What are you attracted to out of fear, out of love? 

Listen in to learn more. 

Follow me on Instagram @katweissner and check out my website at www.klwcoaching.com

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The Wildly Confident Podcast, LLC is a wholly owned subsidiary of KLW Coaching, LLC, all rights reserved. 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:25

Hey y'all. I hope you're having a great week. I am really excited to talk to you about something I brought up in the last episode, which is attraction points. It's a vibration you're attracted to, right? That you go out and seek because of the o your own structures. You have your own beliefs and thoughts you have. So because of the yin structures you have, yin being your beliefs and thoughts and the structures, your body , um, those are your retracting points. But as yang runs through energy, it is going to go out and seek, right? It's seeking more typically of the same, or it's seeking the things that are in that your structure is telling it to seek. Okay ? That's why we're all different. Why we're all seeking different things, right ? Slightly different things, different modifications. We're all unique. And why, if you've listened to the last two podcasts, and if you haven't, I mean, honestly, they're so good, y'all, and they're so related to what I'm gonna be talking about today, I would say go back and listen to them. Cuz even this front part I just talked about might not make much sense if you haven't listened to the last two podcasts because attraction points have to do with your structures and inside of you because the energy, energy, the yang, is just constantly running through us. Energy. Consciousness is constantly running through us, and we're taking action, right? It's running through our beliefs and thoughts, and then we're taking action from those beliefs and thoughts. It's why people can , uh, do different thing , like different actions or have different reactions to things, even though we're seeing the same thing. Like I could show you a movie and because of your thoughts and beliefs, you might think you might have a reaction to that movie of like, yes, that movie was so powerful. Like, I'm gonna tell everyone about it. Someone else might have a reaction that they hated it and they're gonna go home and cry about it, right? Another person might be like, that was so motivating. I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna start doing the same thing that person did. I'm gonna start jogging every day . <laugh> , or whatever it is the movie was about, right? Anyway, this is because of our thoughts and our belie beliefs. That's why we're taking different actions after all experiencing the same thing, which was just watching a movie, okay? They're running through our structures, the structures built in our system, which I re I correlate with being yin. The structures, the beliefs and thoughts are yin these structures that the just consciousness, just energy, right? That's constantly running in the world all the time, right? Have you ever tried to stop thinking for a moment, like, turn off your brain <laugh>, it's incredibly hard, right? Your brain's just like gonna keep going and talking and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? We have to intentionally meditate and it's a hard practice to do. We have to keep, when you guys know all my meditators out there, you have to keep dropping the thought and coming back to the present moment, right? Because there's constant, this constant energy, this constant yang flowing through us

Speaker 2: 3:23

And , uh, interacting with our, with our thoughts and our beliefs and it's coming out and we have ideas and all of the things that make meditation a beautiful experience because it gives us that pause and stillness and uh , and it really gives us a lot of insight as we kind of turn off that sometimes that yang energy that's constantly flowing through us. So, back to attraction points. I have been noticing in my own life that , um, kind of like wanting to document like what am I attracted to by attraction, I don't mean like I want, I'm like sexually attracted to something. Of course, obviously that happens too, but, you know, in some instances, <laugh>, but not, not all my attraction points are sexual, of course. Um, my attraction points are just things I'm drawn to, the things I naturally focus on. And those things are different for everyone because of the way that we are designed, right? Our design being, our structure, our, and that structure is basically we're all born whole perfect and complete, right? We're, our structure is good at its core, but throughout our life, our life experiences, society's systems and beliefs upon us, we pick up, I I'd say some maladaptive beliefs and thoughts that kind of make these systems not operate so well inside of us . These structures not operate so well. Common ones are, you know, shame judgment, right? Society often imposes and says like, that part of you is not okay. You need to, to hide that. Or there's something wrong with you. You're not worthy, you're not lovable, you're not a good girl, right? Um, it's like they tell us these little stories about ourselves like, you don't matter. Be quiet. Do what I tell you to do if you wanna be loved. And , um, these things create fear and our structures and really our structures at the core, at the heart, our love. Goodness. Don't worry guys, it's all there. And we all pick up these, these fear aspects of sru into our structures based on society trying to impose certain beliefs and thoughts in our head in order to control us. I just don't have a better way of saying it, but it , it's honestly, I I I think it just has a lot to do with it, trying to get what it wants overall, which is more productivity from us, more capital , um, more money, all of these things that if we slowed down for a moment and we thought about the structure of things, that we would realize that that isn't really helping us. That the structure needs to be changed, but we are just way too yang in this culture. We're like, go, go, go , uh, worry about it tomorrow.

Speaker 3: 6:21

Um, instead of taking half of your time, basically really meditating and thinking about the structure of things, thinking about beliefs and thoughts, thinking about what matters, right? Why, what are we here to do? I asked this question , uh, on the last podcast or the one before, I can't remember, but like, what the hell are you here to do? What matters to you? What's the purpose of this life for you? This beautiful life? Is it what you're doing every day ? What are you here for? You know, be with that question in your heart. And then from that place, how is the structure of your life set up in order for you to have that, that's the question we should be asking ourselves. So we should be spending half of our time talking about beliefs, thoughts, and structure so that when the energy flows through it, we get the thing that we want. We get the beautiful thing that we want, you know, community, love, joy, prosperity, harmony, all of these things that I think if you asked people what they wanted, like the vast majority would say they want that stuff is, except we're not taking enough time to slow down and be with the yin part, right? The honestly yin's like the planning part of us, it's the part that re like sits there and is like, this is where we are. And what does that mean? It doesn't align with the values that we have right now. Does it line up to what we want in our life right now? Are these things that we've been told that we, we we need to, we we should want by society even something that we want, right? Or are they fear-based? You know, I often talk about like that vibration and I will do a podcast on that now, thank you <laugh> on the vibration between, you know, everything has a fear vibration to it and a love vibration and every spectrum in between, every word, everything, right? Everything has a different, like you could have , um, someone help you with something and let's say, you know, it it that helping this could come from a place of fear and you can almost feel that that fear of vibration in it, that fear energy that they don't really wanna be doing it, they're just doing it cuz they want you to like them. Cuz if you don't like them, oh my gosh, what does that mean about them? Right? What's wrong with them? What did they do wrong? Okay, people pleasing, okay, <laugh> , or it's coming from love. I'm doing this cuz I wanna do it cause I'm choosing to do it. And you know, fully, if I don't have enough energy to do it, enough capacity to do it, I'm gonna say no and they feel different, right? You could even like put out two of your hands right now, and I want you to feel the word love in the right hand and fear in the left hand. I want you to kind of close your eyes and see what happens with your hands, okay? Is your left hand kind of sinking down a bit? And your right hand's kind of going up, right? Fear is kind of heavier. You can feel like the density of fear and someone's actions are words versus love. And there's always like a spectrum of this, right? Like it's everywhere on the spectrum. Like it's , it's not any , everything's coming all from fear and not everything's coming all from love <laugh> . It's like

Speaker 4: 9:19

Usually someplace in between and like a , you know, a mix. So I started thinking about the things I'm attracted to in my life, meaning what do , how do I spend my time? Uh, like I love taking things out of our head and putting them on paper so we can see the way we're actually living our life because the way we're living, actually living our life is not the way we think we're living our life. Two different things. Crazy thought, right? Crazy that that's happening. So I do a whole calendaring time management process with my clients and I have them write down everything they're doing like by the hour, by the 30 minute period for a month. And we analyze it. And my time management program I created has four categories. I'll talk about another podcast, but I've been doing it for years now and it's freaking awesome. I use it in my own life and my clients use it to help with balancing out their life and taking time to create structure, right? Taking time to , to look at the structure of what you're doing. But we look at that and we say, what am what am I attracted to? Right? Really, how are you spending your time? And sometimes we're attracted to things that are coming more from a fear, fear-based, you know, aspect. And sometimes we're attracted to things that are coming more from a love aspect. And I'm gonna be talking right now about the love side of it, the positive side of it. But I think it's something for you to think about. How are you spending your time and why are you attracted to spend your time that way? And is it coming from a place of love, right? And growth and something that feels good to you? Or is it feeding the hungry ghost in you, the hungry Ghost being that part of your structure, that part of your yin, that part of your house that was put there by society to control you, to make you feel bad about yourself, to make you feel like you don't matter. So the Hungry Ghost is like this roaming part that we all have because we live in this world, <laugh> , that's like constantly going around needing other people to approve of them, needing other people to say they're worthy, needing to feel like other people need to behave a certain way. So I can feel a certain way and people sometimes do that by trying to control other people, or they do it by controlling themselves, by being inauthentic and people pleasing. Okay? That's what I call the Hungry Ghost. It's like they have like a bowl they're trying to fill up that like any , anytime you put something in it just goes right through it. It's like that will never be filled up. Doesn't matter how many times people tell you how freaking awesome you are and how beautiful you are, you're never gonna feel filled up until you start filling your own cup and believing that you're worthy to do that yourself. Okay? Doesn't, again, it doesn't mean that we don't like other people to tell us we're worthy. Like of course, right? Like that feels good too, but I'm just saying if, if you have struggled with <laugh> needing other people to tell you you're worthy all the time and then you don't ever feel good about it , um, there's des shaming work there, right? There's a process to go through for that that I help clients with. And of course there's always an internal process you can do following your own guidance. But if this is resonating with you and you're like, that's me, that's me. Give yourself a big hug. Welcome. You've just identified with like 99% of the people in this world are going through. And um, I always tell my clients when they kind of have this aha moment that the first thing they need to do is just start to realize that they matter. That they , yeah, sure, you can ask other people to tell you that, but you have to believe that to begin with. So we need to take up more space in our house and I recommend you listen to my last podcast about how to create space in your own house space for you, the authentic part of you to just be present with yourself and as you're looking at like your time, your calendar or just noticing in your day what you're attracted to doing, why you're, you know , ask why you're attracted to that thing. I I have been really enjoying looking at the things I'm attracted to it , like in a more love based sense. I'm, I've built like my house of friendship on a very, very particular structure. One based of and love and joy and I've done a lot of remodeling in there, so to speak, and looked at different old stories with friends and shame and things like that and cleaned it out. And I, I feel like I always like to look at my friendship house to kind of be like, oh, you know, all the people I have in my life are there for very just very specific love-based attraction points. So, you know, I'm, I'm always like, why am I attracted to this person again, not in a sexual way, just like I wanna hang out with them <laugh>, they're freaking awesome, right? And it's usually because there's something in them, right? That vi like we're both seeking out each other in a way and we're both, there's something also we're seeking. It's coming through our house, right? It's coming through our house. So it's coming through the Yves , that energy and it's coming out and the yin saying that energy coming through seeking something, right? It's seeking and it's seeking, saying you desire. So if you put desires in your houses , it's gonna go out and seek someone who has that in their life to help you with it. That's pretty cool when you think about it that way. And I also can recognize in this moment how I have also manifested negative people into my life based on this, right? If I have this energy running through me , uh, energy all the time running through my structures and my structures are saying, you know, I need someone to tell me I'm worthy, right? In order to feel lovable, whatever, right? Really common situation I'm gonna be , um, then the energy's gonna come out and it's gonna be seeking, seeking someone to do that for me doesn't mean that person is gonna be like a really loving person themselves, right? They might just tell me I'm worthy and I that cause that's what I'm looking for. But they might not also be like a really loving, kind person. They could also be a hurtful person to me. And so that's where we work on your structures, that's where we work on the inside of manifesting and attracting in what you desire. So when the energy comes through, it can get the cues and it can seek out what you need as well. So anyway, I think this is fun to think about in a very positive light. <laugh> , what are the positive people in your life doing for you? Like, how are they influencing you in a beautiful way? I just started doing a practice with friends, which is super fun that you can do this with anyone. Where I'm sharing with them why I'm attracted to them, why I'm with them, and how they've made my life better. How they've made me a better person. Of course, they didn't do any , like, they didn't make me a better person, but being in their energy, being in their company, made my house, my yin house, my structure more full of love, more full of joy, like more abundant. I have some examples, but like one of my friends, and this is so tangible and it might seem so silly in a way, but she's just a charcuterie plate expert. Like I never, and it's a vibration, if you know what I mean. Like she always has a charcuterie plate ready when you go over. I feel like every time I'm there, there's just always one and she just loves it. And I've been , uh, other people's houses obviously with plenty of charcuterie plates, but they just are less joyful about it. Like it's just a totally different vibration. You can just tell she's doing it from fun and , um, joy and whimsy, which are some of my key values inside. And as I have been working on, I had a particular thing that I was focusing my energy on. So it was seeking my house was seeking to get better at hosting in a way that felt good to me. I love hosting people over here. I have rebuilt and designed my house multiple times to make it more hosting friendly over and over again cuz I just love being in community and having friends over. And I was trying like, but one thing that I struggled with was, was the food. My husband was always doing the food cuz I'm just not a huge fan of it. I just have a block there. And I was like, I wanna find a way to make that point part joyful for me. And here you go. Now I've manifested this front end into my life. I was seeking that, right? And I had the desire for that, and now I have it like I have just by hanging out with her. Yeah, I've, I like asked her some of her tips, but like, honestly, it's just the vibration. It's like, I call it catching a vibration. <laugh>, you can catch vibrations from people, in my opinion, both positive and negative if you hang out with them too much. I, I do say this, I say be careful who you hang out with. If you hang out with people in a low vibra, low vibration, meaning when I say low, I mean fear-based, fear-based, control based . It's pretty hard. We, we all have, you know, it depends on your boundary level, right? But since a lot of us don't have great boundaries, we were actually taught not to have good boundaries by this society. We can pick up a negative vibration just like that. And it can, it , it can affect entire workplaces, it can affect entire cultures, right? These negative fear-based vibrations. And again, they're catchy. They're catchy. And as I say, like be careful who you hang out with. Don't hang out with people that don't make you feel good. If they don't make you feel good, listen to your body. If they make you feel fearful, listen to your body. Maybe not a great person to be hanging out with, right? Um, it's not your job to fix them. You can, you can put up a boundary with love. And if you don't know about boundaries of love, go listen to my episode. I think it's episode 14 on how to create a boundary with love. We're not looking to create more, more fear, but if we're desiring to like have something in our life, right? We go into our structure and we say, I love my, we go into the Yves and our structure. Like for me, I had this, I have this structure inside of me dealing with my friends about wanting to host, wanting to create a beautiful space. Beauty's a big part of my life too. Um, warmth, harmony. Like my house has all of these things and I , I have , I have gone to like a lot of meditative spaces to figure out how to even place furniture. And y'all , that stuff changes seasonally for me too. Like, I will like here to do this, here to do that. Like, I'm constantly moving things around based on my intuition, but people who come over to my house are like, oh my gosh, this feels so good. Like, I love your house and it's the vibration of my house. People come to my house and they wanna make their house better. Not like you'd think it better with material things, but just you can take the things you have and move them around in a way that just makes it warm or loving or hospitable. I don't know how to describe it. If you know what I'm talking about, then you're attracted to this vibration, meaning there's something in you that is seeking this out too. Okay? And so people who come to my house often are seeking this out. They're seeking out like how to create a loving space, how to create a loving community. And just by being here at this house, being around me, right? I don't even need to tell them how to do it just being in my vibration. They take it with them and it, it , it sh it helps shift them in like a way that you don't have to think about it, okay? It just, it , it like transforms that structure just a little bit and gives them a little momentum to go in the right direction. So that's like <laugh> charcuterie plates , right? I, I laugh cuz it's so, it was just so tangible to me and now I'm just like a boss with it. I just, I, I love what I'm doing. I've got my system down and I am , I shared with this person this week how grateful I was for that vibration they have. And there's other attraction points I have with this person that I know are gonna continue to grow me in a love-based positive way. But watch out for the, for the , um, attractions to fear, right? Are there some attractions you have in your, your life that are fear based ? First thing, when you notice that one, don't judge. Two, don't shame. Give yourself a big freaking hug. I say this every episode I feel like, but literally give yourself a hug right now. This isn't your fault. This fear does not come from you, it comes from outside of you and it , it is totally fine. You just have to give yourself a big hug and become aware of it. Awareness is 51% of the challenge. Once you become aware, aware of something, then you can make a choice to do something different. So if you notice you're hanging out with someone that's making you more fearful, that makes you feel bad, let's just talk about putting up a loving boundary, okay? With that person. Where when it doesn't mean you like never have to see the person, right? Of course that's always your choice, but you get to choose what sort of things around them you wanna be around. And if, and you can tell them that. And it doesn't need to be judging or shaming them. You're not saying you're a bad person for doing this. You're awful, right? We don't, no, no, no. They're just doing their thing guys like this doesn't mean you need to stick around verbal or physical abuse or any sort of abuse. You all know that. I tell you this over and over again. Leave <laugh> . Do not stay in abusive relationships. Take care of yourself, okay? But you don't have to make someone bad either. You're leaving that relationship because you care about yourself, okay? Doesn't mean what they did was a good thing or like you need to be around them , right? But you can walk away because you love yourself, right? That's a boundary from love. Coming from love. We're making choices for love. And that's like a , an example like on, you know, very extreme end of the spectrum, but boundaries happen every day. Let's say you have a situation with a relative that calls you all the time, for example, and you don't want to talk to them every day . You just need to explain that to them. You need to say, hey, not, you don't need to say, it's so annoying that you're calling me every day. It's really, you know, I just, I can only talk to you every three days. It just, I don't have time for you. It's just you're so needy. You don't need to say that to them for gosh sakes, because we don't really know what's going them anyway. We don't need to judge them. We don't need to , um, assess them, tell them what's wrong with them. We don't freaking know, you know, it's not our business, okay? Our business is, is take care of ourselves. So we tell the other person, although we wanna communicate well, we tell the other person, Hey, look, I am really busy right now and I like , I don't have enough capacity to chat with you every day, but it feels like talking with you once a week would work. And so because I love myself and because I'm taking good care of myself, I'm gonna suggest that maybe we just talk once a week and I can let you know the date that works for me and we'll see if that works for you. Or maybe

Speaker 5: 24:09

I'll just call you once a week. And if you're able to pick up great, you know, how does , how does that feel to you? Right? And the person's either gonna be like totally cool or they might be like, oh no, that's not gonna work for me. We need to talk every day. And then that's when you just say, I've already said that doesn't work for me cuz I need to care of myself, right? And I'm sorry, you know, and if you're not gonna comply with my request, I'm not gonna pick up the phone when you call and I send you love. Okay ? See how that feels different than telling someone like, stop calling me every day . It's so annoying. You know, <laugh> . Anyway, so that's how you put up a boundary with love. And again, you can listen to my podcast episode to learn more about putting like on how to create a boundary on how to create boundaries in this particular, in instance, about, around attraction points in your life that are coming from fear. Like some attraction points that might be more fear based are maybe not always, but sometimes your addiction to shopping, right? Doesn't have like sometimes your addiction to online shopping, right? Um , Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, right? But you watch the vibration. You guys sometimes that is coming from love, right? It's coming from a place of like , oh, I get really inspired when I'm on TikTok and it actually motivates me to create more for myself, right? TikTok is not bad. TikTok is not bad. The word TikTok is not bad. It's just a word. What are , what does TikTok mean to you? Is it a fear of vibration? Is it a love vibration? And if you notice it being an attraction point in your life, do you wanna keep going down that attraction point? Uh , is it adding value to your life? Is it, does it make you feel good? Or is it fear-based and you, and it doesn't feel good and you need to put up a healthy boundary outta love for yourself? Okay? That's all they wrote for this podcast on attraction points. I hope you enjoyed it and I'll see you next week. Bye.