Ep. 59: WTF is "Self Care" Anyway? You'll be surprised.

So many of my clients complain about "self-care"...they don't want to be taking bubble baths all the time...I GET IT!!! and I SEE YOU!!

That's why I did this episode to help you see what Self-Care really is. It's got nothing to do with Bubble Baths peeps!!  It's a key ingredient to my original time management program I do with my clients.

If you want to manage & create the life you want, you need to manage your time and part of that is getting to know what "self-care" really is.

So many of us let time, days, weeks and years slip through their fingers b/c they are avoiding how they are really spending their time, their is shame & judgment.

But y'all...Time is just math, time is just information, it's neutral!! Don't waste another day of your life, take back ownership of your time, of your life.

Follow me on Instagram @katweissner and check out my website at www.klwcoaching.com

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The Wildly Confident Podcast, LLC is a wholly owned subsidiary of KLW Coaching, LLC, all rights reserved. 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:24

As many of you know, a core part of the work I do with women in my one-on-one practice is calendaring and time management. Money is another core piece. Self-trust is another core piece. But I'm here to talk about something in the calendaring today. There are four different categories. I help women kind of break their life down and there's two segments to the calendaring process. One of them has to do with the reality of calendaring, and the other one is future calendaring. It's all super powerful and if you're interested, book a consult with me. I love helping people take back control over their time because you guys, time just exists , said this before, it's neutral. But for so many of us, time is running havoc in our life. We're letting it run havoc, we're letting it overwhelm us, we're letting it control us, and we need to get in a new relationship with it. One that's going to serve us , it's going to empower us. So as part of my calendaring process, I've created one of the categories. I can tell you of the main four, and there's actually a fifth one that clients learn about towards the end of our time together. But one of the main four is a category called self-care. And I just think so many people get self-care wrong. And I've done a podcast a little bit on this before, but this is like uh , 2.0. So just listen in . People think self-care is bubble baths, going for a walk, eating chocolate massages, and it can be that. But really what self-care is, and this is kind of one of the secrets of my calendaring process, which I'm gonna tell you today, and why we actually have to calendar air in our self-care. But what self-care is, is just learning to get our own back over and over again. It's actually about learning to listen to ourselves in the present moment authentically who we are. And ultimately the secret goal of my calendaring process. You guys are gonna know, the big secret is that your whole life becomes self-care <laugh>. Can you imagine? Right? But like I'm not saying your whole life becomes bubble baths, right? So many of my clients actually don't think bubble baths are self-care. I think that's why they have so much like pushback on it. They're like, I don't wanna do a bubble bath. That doesn't feel good to me. Right? And that's like a hell yes. If , if like bubble baths are not your self-care, do not put that as self-care for you, right? Often when I start working with women on creating a dedicated space of self-care in their life, we're often just doing white space. And by white space, I mean we don't have any plans. We're actually just trying to learn and , um, who we are and get to know ourselves more. So often in our life, we have been so busy doing, doing, doing and sometimes living other people's stories and other people's lives, like based on the beliefs we learned from our family or the beliefs of society, we don't even really know ourselves. And so we create white space in our life, white space being time where we have nothing planned and where we just say to ourselves, what do I feel like doing in this very moment? It might be a walk, it also might be some art, right? I often say, let's do something a little bit more creative in the beginning of this, because the whole point is to get to know yourself better. And if a massage is also part of getting to know yourself better than go do that, right? For me, it's definitely a massage <laugh> sometimes, right ? But ultimately the secret goal of calendaring self-care or the secret goal of self-care is self-love. And when we can start to love ourselves and get to even know ourselves so we can love it more, then we can bring that to everything we do in life where all of a sudden your work actually becomes self-care. I know it sounds crazy, right? That's one of my other main categories is your work, your livelihood, what I refer to as your practice, right? Work. Yeah, work is work, but work is also your practice. It's the thing that you're practicing every day that you wanna grow in. Work becomes so much more than just this, this thing that we go to and we do X, y, and Z at . It becomes a practice in learning more about ourselves and learning how to be in teams more. And learning how to create together work can be so much bigger than how we define it in our small little box, right? If you listen to my last podcast on the spectrum work , coming from a fear base versus work coming from a love base. And when we're moving towards self-care, self-love, and we're understanding ourselves and who we are and what our values are, we can start to reframe and, and also change our work into something that actually becomes self-care. So we start the practice of self-care as just really a process of getting to know ourselves and also to confront the things we're avoiding. I often say self-care is a great time to look at your to-do list and look at the things you've been avoiding. If you are like me, you know, and if you've ever, if you have a long to-do list, there might be a few items on your to-do list you have never done. I call these the sticky, icky <laugh>. Do you have any like sticky, icky in your to-do list that you have? Like it just, they're on the list, but they're never important enough to get done. They're never like, there's never like a hard deadline, but you wanna do them. Here's some examples of sticky ickes for me. One of them was learning to curl hair, like learning to curl my own hair. I, for years would get my hair blown out and curled every week and I just flat out refer , refused to learn how to curl my own hair. I would try occasionally and I would just fail. And I bought all the tools. I watched at times

Speaker 2: 6:21

Those little YouTube videos, but I've never really put like too much effort into it. I would say I want like 50% and I would just give up. I had a , like a total belief about myself that I couldn't curl hair you guys, it didn't have to do with the curling of the hair. These sticky ickes are just literally, they could be anything. They're like green screens of things that are just meant to take up space in your life so you're not living your full life. Like you're basically, you have this like thing that just kind of exists in the back of your brain that you haven't done and it just keeps you spinning out. And often it's like really silly things that don't really have a deadline. Like , uh, taxes for me are also sticky , icky , but like, because they're due on a certain date, I have to get 'em done. So they get done every year. But this curling hair thing for me has gone on for like 20 years. I can't tell y'all . And it had really nothing to do with the curling of the hair. I think it had to do with my own personal judgments around, you know, learning how to take care of myself and whether or not I really thought that was a valid use of my time. You know, was it a valid use of my time to learn how to curl hair? Wasn't it just easier to have someone else curl it? And like that is all true, but it basically was making me feel disempowered. You see, I'm feeling into it for myself and I'm like, oh, that feels disempowering. Like it , it was coming from a place of fear, not from love. Like I can feel in my spectrum that this hair curling thing as silly as it is right on the surface, right? I'm wondering if you have some of these sticky, icky, silly things on your to-do list you haven't done in 20 years or 10 years or just something you've been avoiding that, you know, it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's actually taking up quite a bit of brain space at . And trust me, you'll know because once you conquer it, so to speak, once you do the thing, there's a huge sense of relief and a big shift in your person and your personality and the way you feel and see the world. So all I can tell you is I recognize, like, I had that on my, my sticky ICU list and I just said, you know, I'm gonna learn how to do this. And I, I just, I y'all , I spent like six hours learning how to curl hair and I failed a lot in the beginning. I can tell you my poor hair. I just told myself one day I was gonna learn how to do this no matter what. And I did. And y'all , it , it was such a good use of my time because it was so empowering to me at the end of the day that I finally learned how to do that. I no longer had this doubt or judgment or all the other things. I don't necessarily need to go like into the deep story of why those things existed either. Like, I'm not trying to say like, go write out all your feelings about this. No. Just like, go do this sticky , icky thing and see how how great you feel afterwards and just release anything that was holding you back in the past and realize that these things were there and wouldn't stop going away, kept sticking to you because you had to, to get to some other place. And we don't need to know why. If you find out why, great. But we don't need to do a whole analysis on it. We just need to do the thing. And then at the end of the day, we notice, we celebrate, we realize, you know, this is a huge accomplishment for me. I remember picking up my kids after school on that day and one of the moms was like, how was your day? And I was like, phenomenal. I learned how to curl hair today. And she was kind of like, what? Like, I don't get it. And I was like, it's not about the hair, it's about something, some belief systems I had about myself and I don't even need to identify them, but something that was secretly holding me back that in order for me to move through that it got stuck to this to do item that was really random that I kept avoiding. You know, you'll know if it's sticky , icky 'cause you avoid it and you don't do it, you don't think it's worth your time, but yet it keeps coming up and up again. And the thing is, is you just do it as long as it's safe, of course. Like don't go do something dangerous where you could hurt yourself. Y'all like, you know, this isn't about extreme behaviors, like learning how to curl hair rather benign, right? But by doing it, I really, I really moved through some and I didn't even know , need to know what the is. I just know I ca I came out on the other side feeling so much better. So what I would love you to do is to take a deep breath and just kind of think about your, what's on your sticky icky list. What is on that list? What is something that you've been avoiding? It's often like a little home project, right? It could have been something that you bought years ago that you thought you wanted to do, like crochet or knitting, but then never did it. It could be fixing something in your house, right? Like painting all those little scuffs on the wall. I don't know, people have all these things that they just, there's always a story that there's not enough time that you know, and I personally think this is self-care. Doing things on your sticky, icky list is self-care also take , getting a massage is self-care. Having a bath is self-care. All of those things, right? But self-care is really about , uh, engaging in practices that get us to know ourselves better and love ourselves better. And by doing self-care, right? And it doesn't, it can look like whatever you want it to look like for you, but it needs to come from a place of love for yourself. If you tell me, well, working an extra five hours today is self-care, but it's really coming from fear of maybe not making enough money or fear of getting in trouble at work or fear of not getting that promotion. That is not self-care. Self-care needs to come from love for yourself. So I often say by the time my clients are done going through my calendaring program, they , they really are able to bring self-care even to their work. And when they're showing up from that place of love, from confidence, from empowerment, then their whole relationship with work changes. They're going to be more confident. They're going to have, in my opinion, better results, right? Often make more money, have more advancements and promotions, have better boundaries, right? Balance in their life.

Speaker 1: 12:17

So anyway, I hope you enjoyed this podcast on self-care. And please don't reject self-care because you don't like bubble baths or you don't wanna get a massage. Just plan some white space for yourself and do what you wanna do in that moment. Even if it's a , even if sometimes that means we have to also do some sticky , icky stuff on our to-do list. We've been avoiding. Just go ahead and do it . That is self-care. Taking care of yourself, getting your own back, right? We're freaking awesome and we need to , we need to, we've not been taught to do this. We've not been taught to do this. Self-care is not, it's not , um, avoiding things. It's not , um, going out shopping necessarily. If that stuff is coming from fear and it's coming from avoidance, that's not self-care, okay ? We don't need to judge ourselves if we do that. We just need to say, I love myself and maybe today I need to do a little buffering. I need to do a little avoidance. And like, I think if you can say to yourself and you can acknowledge that's where it's coming from, then all of a sudden you're coming from a place of love, right? I think you just need to say like, my life, maybe today's a really hard day. Maybe I had a hard week at work and I'm gonna go ahead and buy some stuff. And I recognize that's, you know, I'm buying it in order to feel better 'cause I'm not happy at my job. And I also need to find a way to be happier at my job so we can, as long as we're seeing it for the reality and the truth of what it is, then that is self-care. If we're just saying going out and buying a bunch of stuff feels good and that's how I'm gonna self-care myself, you know, that I just do not really see as being true self-care. 'cause it's coming from a place of fear and it's also coming from an unconscious place where we're not getting to know ourselves. And so I challenge y'all, if you want to schedule two hours of white space in your calendar for this upcoming week, white space , just being where you have no plans about what you're going to do. When that time comes up, let's say it's 11:00 AM on a Thursday, you are going to just do something that feels like coming from a love place for you. What feels like a love place for you. And it might be a bubble bath, it might be a walk, it might even be shopping. But you wanna notice that you're doing that because you're feeling overwhelmed at work. And what else might you do for yourself at work that would be self-care for yourself to reduce your overwhelm, fun things to think about, have fun with doing some white space . And if you're interested in learning more about my calendaring program I do with people so they can have a more balanced life, they can really take their life back from all of the other external demands constantly, you know, putting themselves on their time and really get their power back in their life. Get their power back over their time to create the life that you wanna live. Book a consult call with me. You can , uh, either book it at my website or at my Instagram page. Anyway, time is yours my dear. And we only have a finite amount of time on this earth. So how do you want to spend it? Lots of love. Talk to you next week. Bye.