This transcript has been edited for clarity.
Heidi Franz Host 00:01
I'm not good enough. No one likes me. Everyone else has a clean house. Her kids are smarter and cuter. She's skinnier, more fit, and prettier than I am.
Melanie Simpson Co-Host 00:10
Her husband is romantic.
Heidi Franz Host 00:13
I think there is a time in all of our lives when we have believed these lies. Lies that tell us we aren't enough and everyone else is better. Today, Melanie and I are going to dig into these lies, discover the root problem, learn how to recognize the lies, and then share ideas to stop the destructive cycle.
Welcome back to Parenting to Impress, your go-to podcast to learn practical ways to love God and love others, and impress this on the hearts of your children. I am your host, Heidi Franz, and I am joined by my dear friend, Melanie Simpson, two moms who have made a lot of mistakes but have found grace and truth along the way. Melanie, I struggle with believing lies. The one that the enemy attacks me with the most is the lie that I am a mistake. I am a non-athletic, frizzy, curly-haired girl who struggles with self-doubt and negative thought cycles. But because we've talked about this before, I know that I'm not alone. What is your go-to lie?
Melanie Simpson Co-host 01:12
My go-to lie is that I'm unlovable. It's easy to believe when I feel rejected, or when I feel something that I said landed wrong in a conversation. I'm unlovable. Of course, that's why this happened. It becomes my go-to answer for everything that goes wrong in my day. I forgot to put dinner in the crock pot. Well, I'm unlovable. My family's gonna be really mad about this. My husband didn't text me in the morning when I thought he would. Well, why would he? You're not lovable. It's easy to believe those lies and make them part of every conversation I have with myself throughout the day. I mean, how about you, Heidi? How does that play out for you in a day?
Heidi Franz Host 01:49
What I see in myself is that believing lies feels like a very safe place for me to sit. But in reality, it's doing major harm to myself, because believing the lies affects my ability to love God and love others.
Melanie Simpson Co-Host 02:06
One of the hardest things about being a wife and a mom is that we tend to compare ourselves.
Heidi Franz Host 02:13
So, let's think about why we are believing these lies and the cost of believing these lies. I've found in my life that there are times when it's easier to believe lies. When I am physically exhausted, the lies hit hard and I swim in them. How about you?
Melanie Simpson Co-host 02:35
It's so interesting. For whatever reason, we tend to discount when we're not eating well or when we're not sleeping well, and then we're completely overwhelmed with these lies and we're like, why? Why do I feel this way? Well, sister, that physical fatigue is a real thing, and it reminds me of when Jesus was tempted, he was 40 days and 40 nights without food and water, and that's when Satan swooped in to try to tempt Christ. It's precious to me that we serve a Savior who knew physical hunger and thirst. I mean how much more he identifies with us and we with him.
So considering the practical parts of our lives -our need for food and rest, figure out a way to put some hard stops in your day. What time do I need to get to bed? What can I choose for lunch today that will nourish me?
Heidi Franz Host 03:19
And I think also as women, we need to understand the monthly cycle. There are days where things can be said to me and they just roll off my back. Then there are other days where it's like a knife twisted because it feels personal because of where my hormones are at that time. So I think, knowing the physical exhaustion, knowing when we need to take care of our bodies in different ways, and that knowing allows us to be proactive.
Melanie Simpson Co-Host 03:53
The next big question though, is once we've identified the lies, and that's going to be personal for everybody, and we understand when they're happening, we need to ask: "What do we do with that?" Heidi?
Heidi Franz Host 04:03
I want to go back because you said something so brilliant there. You said that the lies are going to be different for every person. And that is so good because your lies and mine are not necessarily the same. The enemy knows where our struggles are. But back to your original question. The easiest way that I have found to protect my mind is to make sure I'm filling it with truth. Philippians 4-8 says "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things."
Melanie Simpson Co-Host 04:43
And it's hard. You said we are inundated with Instagram, Facebook, and all the things. But one of the things that I love about our friendship is when we sit down and I say something and you're like, "Hold up, that's not true." Do you have a trusted friend, or maybe even your spouse that you know will speak truth over you? If you don't, then just journal these things, get them out of your head and down on paper, and then ask yourself: "Would I let somebody say that about my daughter?"
Heidi Franz Host 05:10
Our daughter came home saying, "Mom, nobody likes me, I don't feel like I'm good enough. We would call out those lies. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says "We are to demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God," and this is my favorite part: "We take captive every thought, to make it obedient to Christ," every thought. And so, for our daughters, that we come alongside them and we say I'm going to tell you right now that is a lie, you are believing a lie. My husband has told me that before. He said Heidi, you are believing a lie. That is not truth, and we need to take captive that thought and be obedient to Christ in it. What's another way?
Melanie Simpson Co-Host 05:59
Use a post-it note. Just put it on your mirror and your car, wherever it's convenient that you'll see it regularly. Go to scripture and find out who God says I am. Who am I in Christ? There are so many passages of scripture that speak to our identity as a child of God.
Heidi Franz Host 06:20
The Be Intentional Planner that I have created includes those verses, so that each week, you are turning to another truth. So, Melanie, let's take all that we've talked about thus far - the what, the why, the when, and the how and let's create some scenarios and let's talk through those; how we deal with the lies, how we take those thoughts captive and live a life of truth. Here's a scenario. I'm sitting down with my kids and I'm going to talk to the kids about the Bible. During this time, the kids won't listen, they don't care. They're messing with their siblings. They're poking each other.
Melanie Simpson Co-Host 07:01
Have you been to my house?
Heidi Franz Host 07:03
No, I've been in my house. This is what it looks like, and suddenly they all have to go to the bathroom, and they need a drink. And what comes to my mind is I'm wasting my time.
Melanie Simpson Co-Host 07:13
It is absolutely a lie. It's actually a twofold lie. One is that you failed. You haven't failed because you took the time. You were obedient to God. You sat down and you attempted to do this.
Think about what Deuteronomy 6.4-9 says, "Hear, O Israel, the Lord, our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give to you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates." The second is that it's the only way that you're going to "impress upon their hearts the Word of God." When I think about this passage it's telling me to take the opportunities in a day. For example, just come sit down after lunch, we have five minutes, let's study God's word together. So take the pressure off yourself, sister. It is an ongoing process.
Heidi Franz Host 08:17
And that leads right into the second lie that I think of when I am trying to teach my children the Bible is that this is pointless, and my kids aren't learning anything anyway. But what you just talked about is that we are laying a foundation. This foundation isn't laid in one pour. It's layer after layer after layer. Some layers are thick. Some layers are incredibly thin. It's a day-in and day-out. Calling out the lies is not pointless and you are laying a very important foundation because God has commanded you to. Take that truth and use that truth as a springboard to keep going day after day.
Melanie Simpson Co-Host 09:06
If you find time after time that trying to sit down on the couch and read is a failure, ask God. God is a creative God. He will give you creative ways to help you impress His word and His love for Him on your children's hearts.
Heidi Franz Host 09:20
One of the lies that Satan tells us is that we have to do this alone and that we are on this journey by ourselves. It's our responsibility. If our children fail, it is all on our backs. When the truth of the matter is that we are called the body of Christ. We are not called to walk alone. Jesus never says to do this alone. Plus, we have the Holy Spirit within us. When something is continually in your mind that's when we can go to those older, wiser women and say how did you do this? Give me some ideas. Will you come to my home and just watch? I've done that with families where they've said hey, we're struggling with discipline. Will you come in and be a new set of eyes? We want to hear what we need to do differently. So call out the lie, land on the truth, and ask for help if you need it.
Melanie Simpson Co-Host 10:20
Our God is faithful. He will provide that help. It may come in a very unusual way, but he is faithful to provide it. Heidi, my scenario fighting with my husband. When that happens, I fall into the never/always statements. This is never going to get better. We are never going to change these patterns. What we're doing is not working. We're always going to be stuck here. What does that look like for y'all?
Heidi Franz Host 10:45
Those absolutes get me every single time. And I think just knowing those absolutes is one of the ways of healing. Whenever I get into the conversation mentally with those never, ever, forever, always words, this red flag goes off and it says, "Heidi, you aren't in a healthy place right now. You are living in absolutes instead of the truth."
Melanie Simpson Co-Host 11:10
In the early years of my marriage, those lies were, "I deserve better than this. This is not what I signed up for."
Heidi Franz Host 11:16
I must have made a mistake in the man that I married.
Oh and then also the lie of what marriage truly is. When we get down to the absolute foundation of marriage, it is to reflect God and it is an example of Christ and the church. When I am living in excuses, I am not allowing God to work in my heart and change me. My marriage has sanded off a lot of rough edges that needed to be sanded off. But had I always pointed the finger at my husband, and had I always stood on those absolutes, I would have missed out on a lot of growth.
Melanie Simpson Co-Host 12:10
This is not to deny times in our marriages where we have a conflict that we have to healthfully work through. That's not what we're suggesting. Marriage is, I think, along with parenting, the most sanctifying part of my life.
Heidi Franz Host 12:23
As a review, we're looking at what is a lie, and why is it so dangerous? When do these lies come? And then we started talking about how to stop these lies in some practical ways. But I want to go back to that idea of why are believing lies so dangerous? What keeps popping up in my head is the verse from 1 Timothy 6:19, "They may take hold of the life that is truly life." Mel, I love this verse.
Melanie Simpson Co-Host 12:59
Jesus talks about a flourishing life. He wants us to have abundant life. When we choose to believe lies over God's truth, we're not living this true life, this abundant, flourishing life. We're cheapening what God has promised us and we're choosing a substitute, a counterfeit, and I don't want that, Heidi.
Heidi Franz Host 13:21
No, because that true life is a life that God desires to give us. But how often we sit in our lies, in our troubles, thinking "Well, this is all that there is, and I just need to accept it."
Instead of doing the hard work it takes for that true life. In closing, the next time you hear a lie that you aren't good enough, that it's too hard, that it isn't worth the effort, I want you to join us in naming it and saying, as that T-shirt says, not today Satan. I believe the truth. I am made in the image of God. I have hope for the future. I am deeply loved.
Announcer 14:04
We want to thank you for listening to the Parenting to Impress podcast. Be sure to visit ABCJesusLovesMe.com and check out the show notes for more information on topics shared in this episode. Please subscribe and share with your friends.