“The shift focused from the world bullying me to me bullying myself… I literally thought my life was coming all together, and then I realized I was gay in the timeframe.”

— Micah Thau

While depression, self harm, substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts can affect anyone, they’re more common among the LGBTQ population — especially those members who come from a religious background.

This episode of Living Jewishly is an instalment of Crossing The Sea, a podcast focused on mental health. In this episode, young, queer Jewish adults tell their stories in their own words.

There is a lack of queer and religous representation on TV and in films — not to mention in positions of leadership in our communities, big and small. This lack of representation makes it challenging for queer, religious individuals to recognize a place for themselves.

While this alone can cause mental health issues for LGBTQ individuals, so can many other aspects of their experience. Homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia not only affect those out of the closet, but can prevent people from feeling safe in coming out and living their truths. Religion complicates this further, as many religious queer people struggle with increased internalized (and externalized) stigma.

Guests Micah Thau and Shlomo Satt candidly and honestly discuss mental health issues and their experiences growing up queer and Jewish, touching on topics such as bullying, the process of coming out, parental expectations, conversion therapy, self acceptance, and how religious leaders may smooth the path for their queer community members.

“My attitude basically the entire time as a teenager was ‘I need to repress this or change it’ — I knew that it was incompatible with the lifestyle I wanted to live, which was a very Orthodox lifestyle.”

— Shlomo Satt

This‌ ‌episode discusses:‌ ‌

• How and why a religious upbringing and environment complicates the coming-out process and self acceptance
• The real-life experience of psychological trauma caused by conversion therapy  
• The responsibility that religious leaders may hold in terms of ensuring the comfort and safety of the young, queer members of their communities

Highlights:‌ ‌

• 00:51  Introduction
• 01:20 Micah Thau, bullying & the Jewish American dream
• 04:44  Disclosure v. suicide
• 06:41  Coming out & parental expectations
• 11:06  The ‘cowardice’ problem
• 12:39  Active harassment & danger
• 14:58  Shlomo Satt, repression & the Orthodox lifestyle
• 18:09  Coming out to professionals
• 19:47  Conversion therapy
• 28:59  Dr. Mindy Shankman
• 31:46  Dr. Robert Schwartz
• 35:47  Conversion trauma
• 42:42  Breaking point & self acceptance
• 46:52  Miryam Kabakov & traditional Jewish communities
• 49:06  Stages of grief

Links:‌ ‌

To get in contact or learn more about Living Jewishly:

Visit‌ ‌our ‌website: https://livingjewishly.org 

Follow us on Instagram: @living.jewishly

Watch us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCO2YEegjapKpQeXG6zh6tzw

or send us an email at hello@livingjewishly.org. 

Shalom!