The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.
Are you tired of the empty promises you make to yourself and the resultant erosion of self-trust? Join me, Jason Phillips, as I unravel the complexities of building self-confidence in a world where we often become our own worst enemies. As a licensed therapist, I delve into the evil cycle of self-deception, dissecting how the lies we tell ourselves bleed into our relationships with others.
I offer insights and strategies to help you sidestep the overcommitment trap and foster a more truthful and nurturing approach to personal growth.
In today's demanding world, it's not uncommon to grapple with high functioning anxiety, a silent struggle that many know all too well.
In this episode, I extend a reassuring hand, reminding you that it's perfectly okay not to feel okay at times.
By sharing practical advice and coping mechanisms, I aim to help you regain a sense of control over your life.
If you find these challenges resonate with you, don't hesitate to reach out for professional support. Your participation means the world to us—every like, share, and subscription fuels our commitment to provide content that not only enlightens but empowers.
Your feedback is invaluable, so send in your topic suggestions for future episodes, and together, let's navigate this journey toward emotional resilience.
To stay connected with Jason and learn about coaching, connect with Jason on social media:
The Peace & Prosperity Podcast is a bi-weekly conversation with Jason Phillips, LCSW, licensed therapist and confidence expert in Raleigh, NC, discussing all things related to self-love and self-confidence, and how we can improve ourselves personally and professionally.
Are you tired of the empty promises you make to yourself and the resultant erosion of self-trust? Join me, Jason Phillips, as I unravel the complexities of building self-confidence in a world where we often become our own worst enemies. As a licensed therapist, I delve into the evil cycle of self-deception, dissecting how the lies we tell ourselves bleed into our relationships with others.
I offer insights and strategies to help you sidestep the overcommitment trap and foster a more truthful and nurturing approach to personal growth.
In today's demanding world, it's not uncommon to grapple with high functioning anxiety, a silent struggle that many know all too well.
In this episode, I extend a reassuring hand, reminding you that it's perfectly okay not to feel okay at times.
By sharing practical advice and coping mechanisms, I aim to help you regain a sense of control over your life.
If you find these challenges resonate with you, don't hesitate to reach out for professional support. Your participation means the world to us—every like, share, and subscription fuels our commitment to provide content that not only enlightens but empowers.
Your feedback is invaluable, so send in your topic suggestions for future episodes, and together, let's navigate this journey toward emotional resilience.
To stay connected with Jason and learn about coaching, connect with Jason on social media:
The more you lie, the harder it's gonna be to tell the truth and believe yourself. So we gotta be honest with ourselves about where we're at, what we're doing, what we're not doing, because, trust me, you know that it's not the truth. And then, if you are trying to build relationships with other people or again advancing your career, some of the stuff that you're doing they know too like dude you be lying. So we gotta stop lying to ourselves because that is really, really destroying our confidence. All right, y'all, we are back. We are back for another episode of the Peace and Prosperity podcast.
Speaker 1:
I'm your host, jason Phillips, licensed therapist, confidence expert, and today we're gonna talk y'all, we're gonna really dive into the reasons you struggle with confidence, and y'all know I love talking about confidence and a lot of times we're talking about ways to enhance your confidence. What confidence is, what it's not. But today I want to really get to the root of why some of us not all of us, but some of us are struggling with confidence. I'm gonna break it down in seven different ways. So if one of these fits, cool. If not, let me know and we can do another episode and put a different spin on it.
Speaker 1:
But the first reason you're struggling with confidence is because of broken promises, and this is broken promises to yourself and broken promises to other people when you think about credit. Credit means that when you think about building up your credit score whether you got a 500 or 800, it's indicative your ability to follow through on what you say you're gonna do. So if you have not been paying, let's say you got a Sprint phone bill and you don't pay the bill. You talk all day on the phone but you don't pay the bill. So then the bill goes to collection and then it finally, after so long, it hits your credit score and your score is weak, it's low. That's because you told Sprint you were gonna pay the bill and you didn't. That was a broken promise, or I guess you could say almost like a promissory note. But the same thing, or the same concept applies to your relationship with yourself.
Speaker 1:
If you say you're gonna do something and then you don't do it, the credit that you have with yourself is low. So the trust that you have with yourself or in yourself is gonna be low. When the bank trusts that you will pay back the money that you borrow, they'll give you a bank roll, right. They'll say hey, whatever you want, mr Smith, whatever you want, brandy Brandon, whatever, just sign right here, because they trust that you're gonna pay it back. They believe in you. So they lend you that money based on the credit. But when you've had a lot of broken promises with that bank, they're not even gonna give you a credit card. They'll give you the prepaid credit, a prepaid debit, where you can only spend the money after you've already put the money on there.
Speaker 1:
So that's what's happening to you, or it could be where, if you are struggling with confidence, it's because you've had so many broken promises to yourself that you just don't know if you can trust yourself, because time and time again you said you were gonna do something, but you didn't follow through. And whether or not you've voiced it or not, you still know it and innately it's hard for you to believe that you're gonna follow through on said thing because you know you've not held up your end of the bargain. So that's the first reason why you could be struggling with confidence is because you've had too many broken promises to yourself. The second reason is you just straight up lie to yourself, meaning you know when you say it you're not gonna do it. But even though, or because it sounds good, you still let it flow out of your mouth. Oh, I'm going to do blah, blah, blah, no one. So this isn't a broken promise, because you already know when you said it that it's a lie. We have to stop doing that Because again, when you try to repair that relationship with yourself and start to follow through on what you say, you're, you know, your mind knows like dude. You are you for real this time, because you be lying and the more you, the more you lie, the harder is gonna be to tell the truth and believe yourself. So we got to be honest with ourselves about where we're at, what we're doing, what we're not doing, because, trust me, you know that it's not the truth. And then, if you are trying to build relationships with other people or Again, advancing your career, some of the stuff that you're doing they know too like Do you be lying. So we got to stop lying to ourselves because that is really, really destroying our confidence.
Speaker 1:
The next thing you overwhelm yourself, meaning at times you have all of the good intentions To do everything that you you want to do like you are really on it, your focus. You're saying, hey, I'm about to knock all of these things out, but it's just a little bit too much. Who's ever gone to the gym? You go to the gym and you say I'm gonna do legs, I'm gonna do back, I'm gonna do arms, I'm gonna do cardio, I'm gonna do the stair master, then I'm gonna finish it up with abs. Now, I don't know about you, but depending upon what I'm saying I'm gonna do, halfway through that workout I might be like ooh, legs, a store. I don't even feel like touching the stair master. I don't even feel like walking on the treadmill. Let me, let me go straight to cool down mode, because I've been a little bit just too Overzealous. I was too under the word for that.
Speaker 1:
I thought I was gonna do more than what I'm doing, and because that happens, now you feeling bad. Hey, now I can't, I don't know how to work out, or I don't finish my workouts, I don't do what I said I'm gonna do. That's not the case, but the case is you. You try to do way, way, way too much and You're realizing you need to scale it back, because the more you try to do too much and you don't finish what you said you're gonna do, the belief in yourself just gets chopped down over and over and over again, whether you are recognizing it or not. I rather you say you're gonna do one thing or two things and crush it on those two things, like go all in on those two things, as opposed to saying you're gonna do five and you can only hit four Right, a hundred percent, two out of two is better than four out of five, which is eighty percent all day long. Now saying 80 is not passing, but I rather you do the two out of two.
Speaker 1:
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Speaker 1:
Alright, let's get back to the episode. The next reason you are Not as confident as you could be, you're pessimistic and you have a negative undertone about a lot of things. So it's hard for you to trust that you can do something else or that you can be great in this area of your life. Because you're so pessimistic, like everything is, like a dark cloud is hanging over you, following you. Let me give you a concrete example.
Speaker 1:
You trying to get back into the dating game, but the, the women you've been dating have, or the person you've been dating, they just been what would I say, low vibration. They're not. They're not matching your energy. And every time you get on a dating app or somebody says they want to hook you up, you're like nah, I don't want her to be like the last one because she ain't made the cut or I got too much to lose, so don't bring me somebody who's not on my level. If that's your energy, that's your mindset, before you even meet the person, what do you think is going to happen when you meet them? I'm not having confidence that that relationship is going to turn into anything, because you're already starting out with the negative attitude.
Speaker 1:
Same thing can happen if you're working on yourself personal development. Oh man, you know you're trying to do something different or you're trying to accomplish something for yourself, but you beat yourself up and talk down, man, but you never finished it before. I don't know how you're going to finish it this time. Like, pay attention to your mindset, like these things and the way you're talking to yourself. That's how you're going to show up. So when you're building confidence, it takes work, it takes effort. And if you're constantly beating yourself up with the words that you're saying, how do you think your body is going to respond? How do you think your emotions like? How will you feel inside? Not that great, maybe like crap, maybe defeated, maybe irritable, before you even start.
Speaker 1:
So that pessimistic attitude being a negative Nancy, debbie Downer, however you want to put it is bleeding over into you being able to work on yourself. So we want to acknowledge it. We want to let that go. We definitely don't want to just walk around with that, that dark cloud, and you'll also notice that other people, they won't want to be around you as much either, because you're constantly, again, you're negative. You got something bad to say, which kind of leads me to my next point. You judge other people. Now you may think what is me judging other people have to do with my confidence. If you're judging everybody else, what do you think you're doing for yourself? Come on, talk to me. If you're judging everybody else this person is doing, they're not doing this, this, and that You're having those same conversations with yourself about yourself, I would, it'll be hard for me to believe that you judge everybody else and then you just big up yourself. I'm pretty sure you're judging them the same way you're judging yourself and you're probably judging yourself that much harder. We got to stop it. We got to let that go.
Speaker 1:
The next one, which it kind of goes into what we call cognitive distortions or thinking errors when you have a certain way of thinking and it becomes the norm for you, if you engage in all or nothing thinking, that's definitely going to hurt your confidence, because everything is not black or white. It may seem like it is, but there's a gray area somewhere in between it. I'll give you an example Podcasts. I thoroughly do enjoy the podcast, but it's been tough for your boy to stay consistent with everything else that I have going on. I'm not making excuses, but I want to say it's tough. If I say, okay, I'm going to either be dropping episodes every Monday or I'm not doing it at all. My confidence in being able to produce it may diminish a little bit because I wasn't able to hit the every Monday, or whatever. I'm setting out Because I'm thinking in black or white terms. It doesn't work like that. Well, you think of, let's just say, the greats, right? Kobe Bryant, for example. He didn't win every single game, he didn't win every single championship, but he's still one of arguably the greatest players to play. So we got to be mindful of how we speak to ourselves. If we're engaging in all of that thinking, if we're the type to jump to conclusions, how is this impacting how I show up on a daily basis?
Speaker 1:
Last but not least, one of the biggest reasons you're struggling with confidence is because you have not healed past trauma. What does trauma have to do with confidence? Trauma can knock the wind out of you, literally, physically, emotionally, mentally. It can take something from you and when something has happened to you that you did not expect and did not want to happen to you, it's causing you a certain amount of distress and you're not working to heal from that, you're not going to be able to show up as your best self.
Speaker 1:
You may not be able to believe that you can be a better version of yourself Because you're blaming yourself for what happened to you. You're blaming yourself for what you did or did not do in that moment. You're avoiding certain people, places or situations because avoidance just seems easier. You're now losing sleep and you're more irritable because you haven't addressed your past trauma. The list can go on and on and on. And then all of this you battle that up. That's destroying your confidence.
Speaker 1:
So, if you want to be a better version of yourself, start to believe in yourself, be able to trust yourself. You want to watch how you think, watch the relationships that you have and how you show up with people, watch how you talk to yourself. But, last and not least, you want to heal that past trauma. There's a couple of other episodes where I break that down even further too, but I wanted to drop in and talk about some of the core reasons why you could be struggling with confidence, why your confidence is low. Let me know if you can relate to any of these and, as always, make sure that you do something about it. We don't have these conversations just to put the information out there. We want to heal from it. We want to grow from it. So if you feel like, hey, you want to work on yourself, you need to work on yourself. Don't be afraid to reach out. All right, y'all, as always, be blessed Peace.
Speaker 1:
Thank you all for listening to another episode of the Peace and Prosperity podcast. Again, if you are feeling like, hey, I'm experiencing high functioning anxiety, don't beat yourself up about it. It is okay. We all experience anxiety from time to time and I gave you a couple of things that you can do on your own, but don't hesitate to reach out to a professional to better manage what you're going through. Okay, and lastly, make sure, if you have not like share, subscribe to the podcast and send this out to a friend, and if you want to hear a certain episodes or have certain conversations, let me know. You can shoot me a DM or just leave a review and I will definitely follow up. All right, y'all, be blessed Peace.
