Happily Even After with Life Coach Jen
Happily Even After shares weekly insights and tools to create more fulfilling relationships with yourself, your family and God. Jennifer is a certified life coach that was married for 26 years . She has 4 amazing children and 1 son in law. She doesn’t have it all figured out but she has lots of personal experience and has learned what to do and what not to do in relationships. I help women and men who have experienced betrayal in their marriage or have been divorced learn that their is happiness to be had even when your life doesn't go as planned.
Happily Even After with Life Coach Jen
The Power of Intentional Rest: Healing from Betrayal
Ever felt like you're caught in the relentless cycle of go-go-go? Discover why taking a step back might be the ultimate game-changer for your well-being. Drawing from my own experiences post-divorce, I'll share how embracing rest not only reduced my stress levels but also enhanced my emotional resilience. This episode packs a powerful message: rest is not a luxury but a necessity for our immune system, emotional health, and cognitive functions.
Join me as we tackle the myth that constant activity equals productivity. Learn how simple practices, like taking short breaks in a dark room, can drastically improve your mental and physical health. In a society that glorifies busyness, it's time to reclaim rest and self-care. I also extend my hand as a coach to those struggling to incorporate rest into their lives. Stay connected via social media and my email list to continue your journey towards a balanced, healthier life.
Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.
Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.
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My website is www.lifecoachjen.com
Welcome to my podcast. Happily, even After. I'm life coach, jen, I'm passionate about helping people recover from betrayal. I rode the intense emotional roller coaster and felt stuck and traumatized for years. It's the reason I became a trauma-informed certified life coach who helps people like you navigate their post-betrayal world. I have the tools, processes and knowledge to help you not only heal from the betrayal but create a healthy future. Today, we begin to help you live happily even after.
Speaker 1:Hey friends, welcome to today's podcast. I'm so excited to be here. I hope you guys are having an awesome summer. I am having an amazing summer so far, but I've been thinking about this topic a lot, and especially just getting divorced and just talking with friends, and I don't think we see the value in this topic as much. And the topic I'm going to talk about today is rest. I don't think, as a society, we rest enough and we almost feel like it is wrong or we make ourselves feel bad for doing it, and I just want you to consider that that thought might not be helpful and it isn't even true, and so I'm just going to give you some reasons, first of all, of what rest is doing and what rest can do for you. And when I say rest, I'm talking about sleeping, but also resting in other ways and I'm going to give you some ideas and me personally. After I got divorced, well, I was, you know, moving and selling my house and just doing all the things. So I was not resting. But once I moved into my house and felt much more calm, I have really embraced the idea of rest and I would say I do it every day and in general, most days I rarely feel stressed out. I think it's intentional, but also maybe my time of life, but I just really once I start feeling stressed and we're going to talk about this but I just really am like I'm going to just go, take 10 minutes, 20 minutes and just rest and do some breathing. But one thing it's really good for your physical body as well as your emotional healing. So there are so many good things that rest will help with your immune system, your overall well-being, your emotional health.
Speaker 1:Rest allows you to recharge and build resilience. I've talked a lot about resilience. You can cope with stressors in your life more easily if you're rested and pay attention. You know the difference you feel when you get a good night's sleep and when you don't. It's a lot harder to deal with your day and different things that are happening with your kids, with co-workers or whatever your life looks like when you're not fully rested. So I would just challenge you to be really intentional and start like, maybe do it a little experiment for the next week or two and kind of paying attention, just so you can kind of also I'm going to say gain a testimony of rest in your life. But, you know, just feel like, okay, is this something that you could really implement and know that, oh, this is actually helpful? And remember, if you're listening to this, chances are you're an adult and it doesn't make you more or less valuable if you're not always doing something. I think that's something in our society that it's like you have to always be working or doing something or you're lazy. It is not being lazy to rest, it's actually you're doing your body and your mind a lot of good.
Speaker 1:Another thing rest does. It helps regulate your nervous system and I know I've talked a lot and I just really believe understanding your nervous system is key to your healing, and especially when you've been betrayed because're very dysregulated and so it doesn't happen immediately with one day of rest, right, but maybe little bits every day and it could be months or years. So don't think it's a quick fix. But it is going to help regulate your nervous system when you feel activated, when you feel stressed, if you can incorporate relaxation techniques, breathing techniques, into your life. And that doesn't mean you have to go lay down in your bed, you could just go sit on the couch for a second, okay, and do some deep breathing. Your brain processes and consolidates memories during periods of rest and so I'm going to say this is at nighttime, when you're sleeping. Our brain needs sleep just as much as our body does. Okay, so just be aware of that.
Speaker 1:And you're not the hero when you're like oh, look at me, I only have to live. I live off of four hours of sleep. Like you know, that's not necessarily something to be proud of. Like they, science doctors say seven to eight hours. Some people need a little bit more and that's okay. And it's okay to sleep and rest. You're going to have better cognitive function and coping skills. When you are resting your body, getting good sleep, you're going to be able to deal with challenges in your life more easily.
Speaker 1:Your emotions are going to be more regulated, your thoughts, you're going to have emotional regulation, so you're not going to just like. If you've ever experienced like lack of sleep, I just always envision myself with little babies and thinking, oh my gosh, I would do anything if I could just have a good night's sleep. You're just not at your top best self. So give yourself lots of grace if that's your situation. But when it's not your situation and you're purposely avoiding sleep or feeling like you have to have the house spotless and every corner dusted in order to sleep, like just let's drop that, that's not a thing. You just made that up and so just understand, like you, you're going to be much more emotionally regulated. You're going to be able to have conversations with your kids and probably not yell. If you're a yeller or you're not going to freak out when you find the dishes in their bedroom or their clothes on the ground next to the hamper. You're going to be able to deal with that in a more adult way.
Speaker 1:And so I'm just selling you on rest. Okay, it helps you build resilience, which I kind of talked about. But having a resilient emotional, your emotional self is so key to be able to create the life that you want, and I think people are like well, I don't have 20 minutes a day or whatever to rest, but I promise you you don't have it not to give. When you can take that break and rest when you need it, when your body's telling you I need a rest, you actually will get a lot more accomplished in your life. It almost feels the opposite, but when you just work yourself to exhaustion, like it's going to take your body a lot longer to recuperate, and so just pay attention to your body, it's going to tell you like it needs a break. It needs to just have some downtime. And so some areas.
Speaker 1:I have seven types of rest that I'm going to talk about. Obviously, physical rest, like resting your body, sleeping, but also even like doing yoga or stretching or a meditation, getting a massage. That helps your body rest, and you know body rest and you know regenerate itself, and so it's not only sleep but some other things going on a walk, doing things that aren't like super active but that are going to help your body recover from more intense emotional things that you're dealing with, obviously a mental rest, things that you're dealing with Obviously a mental rest, okay. So sometimes we just need to check out. This is why Netflix was invented, or, you know, read a book, not a self-help book, but just an enjoyable book. Okay, sometimes we have so many to-do lists people that like to make to-do lists and I actually do like to make a to-do list but we put so many things on it and we really need to put in their rest. It's okay, you didn't get everything done today, like we're not in a race, right, you're gonna have plenty of time. We all have 24 hours in a day but resting will definitely help you get more of those things done because you've taken those short breaks.
Speaker 1:Going on a walk, finding a hobby, like I love doing puzzles and it probably sounds weird, but they are so relaxing to me and for someone else that might drive someone crazy and it probably sounds weird, but they are so relaxing to me and for someone else that might drive someone crazy and be really difficult, but for my brain and for me, doing a puzzle, watching a show, that's not. You know, I'm not learning anything. It's just a way to give my brain a rest of worries or problems or things I'm supposed to do. So, finding those things in your life knitting or, you know, going on a run that might not feel restful for someone, like if you're going to ask me to go on a run, that does not feel restful but for someone else, that could be really relaxing to them. So just find out what works for you.
Speaker 1:Sensory overload I think we've got to step away from the computer, we've got to put away our phone and it doesn't mean for all day, like just give yourself like practice, like putting your phone in another room or, you know, taking a break from your computer throughout the day if you're working from home or depending on what you're doing, turn off your notifications, set some rules about I'm going to look at emails from this time to this time, or text messages, like kind of create your own rules or guidelines around this so you're not 24 7 feeling like you have to check your phone, and this is going to be really helpful with recovery and building a resilient nervous system and incorporating rest in your life. Sometimes creative rest is important. People that are like super creative it's almost like they are they get a burnout on it. They have to take a break from the project. So realize, even if you have a deadline, taking these little breaks is going to be helpful. I actually really love creativity. However, sometimes I just am like you know what, today I don't have it in me to make a reel or to do an Instagram post and instead of like making myself wrong about it or like, oh my gosh, like I'm going to be so far behind in my business. That's just simply not true. So just give yourself permission to take a rest from that Emotional rest.
Speaker 1:Like sometimes we just drain ourselves emotionally or we are around people that drain us emotionally. So if you find yourself, you know, with a group of friends or with your family members and normally you're okay to hear their drama or their story, or even your kids and it's feeling overwhelming to you, just be like you know what. I just can't do this today, like I love you, but today I just think I need a break from this and then you're able to regroup and maybe next week or tomorrow you can come back and help them. But just that's important to make sure you're setting boundaries with friends and family that are kind of a lot emotionally. And especially if you are going through a lot right now if you are still healing from infidelity, if you're still healing from your divorce or your relationship or whatever else is going on just make sure you're coming first and that doesn't mean you're selfish. That just means you're taking care of you so that you can eventually take care of others.
Speaker 1:Social rest Some of you, if you're super an introvert or even if you're an extrovert, sometimes you just need social rest. I have some kids that need a lot of social rest. It's like they will do a few activities for like two days in a row and they're like oh, I need three days off. I can't talk to anyone for three days, which I'm really glad that they know that about themselves. But just be really aware, like, don't force yourself to do something or go to a party or go to a wedding reception if you don't feel like you're going to show up in the way you want to show up. I've been invited to a lot of wedding receptions recently. It's just that time of year and sometimes I can go to them and sometimes I'm like I just don't have it in me today to show up in how I want to show up. You know, for me I'm probably seeing people that haven't seen me since I've been divorced and I just I need to be in a good mindset and a good place to be able to show up. So I just decide that day, like am I going to go? Do I feel like I can? Or, if I don't, I don't make it mean anything about me that it's like, okay, I just I'm just not feeling it today and I move on, I don't stress about it, which I think is important.
Speaker 1:And the last one, number seven, is spiritual rest, and for me not everyone goes to church, but I think finding a place. If you pray or just giving yourself and your body, your spirit also needs nurtured. Giving yourself and your body, your spirit also needs nurtured. And so, whether that is, maybe you need more of it, so you're going to church or doing things serving, but also maybe you just need a break. Maybe you've just had like a lot of feelings about your church or about the people in it and maybe you just need to take a break. I think either option is okay. Just don't make it mean that you've done anything wrong, that you just might need a break from it. You're taking a break, but you're doing it intentionally, as opposed to blaming it on someone else Well, if they hadn't been such a jerk, then I could go to church. Well, it's not them, it's you. Okay, so just know.
Speaker 1:Or, like you know, actually I really love going to church. That's kind of the place that I'm at, like I really like going to church. I I go by myself, which is, and you know, feels different. I used to go with my family, but now I go by myself, but I'm not going. I'm going because that's what my spirit needs. So really pay attention to what your spirit needs.
Speaker 1:So Just in recap, I hope this helps you like just think about, like, where are you doing great in what parts of rest are you succeeding in? I just for me and my healing journey, I've really noticed that rest has really helped me. Sometimes I like, just if I'm feeling really stressed, I just go in my room, I turn the lights off for like 20 minutes and I just try to be, and actually doing that has really, I feel like, helped me and I can actually like I feel my body healing and it's really been a good tool for me. So I hope that, as you figure this out, that it could be something that could help you in whether you're healing or just trying to not be so busy, because our society rewards busy but it's like we're busy for no reason or we're busy at the expense of our self and so we're not going to be our best self when we are exhausted all the time, when we aren't replenishing our body and our soul Anyways. So I hope this is helpful.
Speaker 1:If you liked this podcast, I'd love for you to share it with your family and friends. This podcast I'd love for you to share it with your family and friends. Follow me on Instagram as well as like, leave a review, and that way, other people can find me. Also if figuring out rest and healing for you, if you're struggling with that, just so you know, I am a coach and I would love to help you solve this problem, as well as any other problem you're struggling with. Thanks so much. Have a great day. If you want to learn how to live happily even after, sign up for my email at hello at lifecoachjenwith1ncom. Follow me on Instagram and Facebook at Happily Even After. Coach, let's work together to create your happily even after.