Episode #33

Matthew and Justin talk about Parenting, Philosophers, and The Garden of Life

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Because it was a dramatic change. Incremental reduction. Yeah. Yeah. Because it wasn't. Yeah, I'll just I'll just start this morning. Yeah, we're jumping in. But then also. Talk about the still right now. But it's I find it fascinating. Please. I smoked cigarets for either three or four years and then quit Cigarets and started vaping nicotine for like either two or three years, like a six year total span. I'm not sure where the break was. Somewhere in between year three. In year four. But so smoking for a full six years, in my own mind, I thought, I can quit and it will suck for three, four or five, seven days really bad. And then it won't be so bad. And then I'll be okay once. It's not as bad as it could be. Yeah, that's kind of the general thought about it. Right, Right. It makes logical sense. Right. so that that that was just a really big cliff to jump off of. And I'd like, walked up to the cliff, and I was like, no. People. You can't jump off of that. And then I felt. Like I would die. And then. You know, I listened to the Duncan Trussell Joe Rogan podcast, and he just makes such a case for quitting vaping. Duncan Yeah, because yeah, he's a he was a big vapor for a while, right? Yeah. He said he he always made fun of himself, so I wasn't sure if he was overexaggerating or if he'd been serious. But yeah, he said he was like, you know, had it in his hand like a pacifier and he was smoking at morning, afternoon at night. Mean, I think that's pretty much everybody that vapes, you know saying it's health drug you. Yeah it's hard to it's so easy and so easy or so much more convenient than having to light a whole cigaret you know and deal with the repercussions of having a cigaret on you. So, yeah, those things. Fucking suck, you know, and just thinking up your entire immediate self and then like surrounding circle of environment. Yeah. One like to not have to deal with that like this is like it's a put it down and go back to it when it's ready. When I'm ready. Yeah. The there's a lot of, there's a lot of little things. Right. So like at first I quit Cigarets and then I needed to quit smoking but that didn't mean I was going to quit nicotine consumption, you know what I'm saying? And there's all these, like, layers to what is the thing? Yeah, Yeah. And so one of the nice perks from going from cigarets to vapes is that thing you're talking about. There's like a grossness to smoking Smells bad. Yeah. All right. There's like a definitely tangible negative repercussions. Social repercussions, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like people some people are disgusted by people who smoke cigarets. Like. Big time. Filthy. that disgusts me a little bit. No. Yeah. Real thing. Yeah, absolutely. People definitely like. That. So it's nice to feed my fuckin because once you start smoking, it's like a it hurts to not smoke a little bit. Like you're thinking slower and you don't feel good in your anxious for no reason. You know what I'm saying? And you're not you're feeling a little like, like a vein of what depressed feels like, where you're just like, don't feel good. Settled. Yeah. And then you take one hit and you're like, I feel great. Let's go. Chill. And it's such a jump. So it's like there's the social ramifications. Like people's perception of you gets really distorted if you're going to not feel like shit for a second. You know what I'm saying? So but then when you just vape the social ramifications, so, so much lower. So much lower. So like fucking strawberries. And some people still don't want you to smoke, like in their house, Like my dad doesn't like me to vape in the house out of like he's like, Bro, don't smoke in the house. What are you talking about? And I'm like, It's like a respect. Fly with the spirit. Yeah right there of with that that that not a rule exactly but what that's trying to put like impress into the situation. Yeah. The spirit of respecting the house since like you don't smoke in here. Yeah. So even if because I guess predominantly whatever we were smoking before we had electronic smoking we were just smoking and the Yeah. It would, it would make the make the whole room smell like sometimes you do it with sage or whatever you can like kind of like cleanse. But the way whenever you're smoking something that like lighting something on fire, it's going to emit an odor, something someone's going to be. Yeah, for sure. Every time filling. Up your space. Back in the day, like in college when we were smoking, like. That's like any time. Okay. Yeah. We didn't care at all, though. Really. Like, we were just like, let it fly, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I think that's part of the enjoyment of being in college was that we didn't have to play by those rules that our parents fucking. Yeah, yeah. Whenever get to the house, whatever house you're living in, wherever you're stationed at. Yeah. Your homestead. His order is good but then it your, your parents order makes sense to them because they built it like it's their order. Like it's. You're taking part in their story, right? Yeah. So their structure. Yeah. Yeah. And I guess I'm trying to scrub it. It's like you don't. That doesn't always mesh with you super easily or well, or like, sometimes you're like, I hate that I have this stupid rule here. I would never make my kids have to do that. Yeah, and I'm calling the shots. To be more fun. So is that like, I like that or feels like it's trending in that direction? You know, I think in so far as, like, parenting style and type of maybe not discipline, but something like that, that whatever whatever is kind of attached to being the parent and establishing the structure and enforcing the rules that keep the structure sound, it's like that's a we've been doing that. That's like, well, parenting it is. But I feel like over the last 20, 30 years, like parents, I don't know, people aren't you don't get as old as quickly or, you know, people don't grow up as fast maybe to a degree, because it seemed like whenever we were growing up, like when I was ten, if someone was 50, like they were old, they're Super Bowls, they're 50. But now it's like it is definitely a lot different. And I feel like that's kind of also reflected in their parenting style and like that. Maybe like the not relaxation, but a little more ease. But not to be a strict, I guess, because maybe times are so dire anymore, we'll have to go find our food or have to work like during the Great Depression. Is it? Yeah, for sure. I don't know what. There's a lot to unpack there. Is that a is it an accurate presentation of kid raising. Is it. We're a little more chill with the kids. Like for instance when you say that nowadays. I think so. Right then like 40, 50 years ago for sure. Right. I know kids of the sixties and seventies would say they would just like walk around the neighborhood. You know what I'm saying? They could just like. That is a little bit different of a ease or relaxation of freedom. Right? Yeah. Like, So get in before it's dark. You know. Go and get now. And. Then you will explore with your friends. Yeah. So I think that there's like. There's multiple things going on there. What was the tightness that you were talking about that the older times would have had that we don't have now? Cause I don't think you're wrong. All of it stemmed from the smoking in the house. I did. You know, some more strict rules. Yeah. Yeah, I see what you're saying. How often were you smoking in the house back in the day versus today? Yeah, I'm pretty sure my fucking mom, my mom's family, like my mom and uncle, would have got, like, the ass beat, bro. Like, they're not having that shit, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Well, I thought about that. I was like, yeah, like my and yeah, my dad's mom, too. My dad said she was like, terrible when he was a kid. Like, super, almost abusive level and sometimes definitely abusive level. Yeah, that was like. That was more common back in the day. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I like, in fact, in this day. Right. Restrict it. So I feel like just to make the your statement like more perceivable for for what we're talking about, it hit me like a like you know, if you're the firstborn then you definitely know what it's like for like the next kid or for you, even like the third kid to come along. And your parents are like, way more chill with, like. The younger siblings upbringing. You're like, she gets the what? Yeah. Yeah. Or like, they don't have to do that. Yeah, right. That's a big one either. That your sentiment just made me immediately connected to a, a thought I have with in regards to I guess my college roommate, one of my high school and middle school buddies. Ryan He, he was the oldest, I think, of Ryan. Casey Yeah, my dog. Shout out. Shut up! The law of the dogs Dog house. Casey Yeah, seriously. But I fucking love that guy. But he had expressed to me that he was, whenever he was grown up, he's the oldest of three or four, and he was the only one out of all of his siblings that had to go to I think it was some sort of like, like Sunday school or some sort of church related school after school or some event like that, you know, or some sort of consistently. Yeah. Some sort of program within like some like Sunday school or religious upbringing. And he was like the only one had to do it. And like, no one else had to do it. That he had addresses as a kid, I think I would be like, Hey, what the hell? Right, right. Yeah. Did they give an answer? No, I don't think so. I think he just I just remember him expressing that to us in high school. At some point, he was like, I was the only one who had to do that shit. Like, you never know. Yeah, because I think we were talking about that idea because I think we were all the oldest. Me, him, I think. No, Kyle wasn't the it was his older sister, but it's only him and his sister. But yeah, me and Ryan for sure. And also as the oldest, we had another couple, I think one of our friends. So I don't know. We were talking of being the oldest and how what exactly kind of what you're talking about, like guess the stipulations of the the structures and the rules and the enforcement gets a little bit more laxed, I guess, partly because you feel more safe maybe, or like, you know, this is now concrete, not concrete territory, but at least known territory. Yeah. You've made this walk before. It's like, okay, I don't have to be as cautious or like, maybe not. Maybe every step isn't so dire. Maybe that's the combination. Of the. You know, some of the danger that you would be afraid of. Is it necessarily their to be afraid of and being afraid of that stuff? Cause there's like maximum energy and then your subconscious is just like, I'm not spending energy worrying on something that I know I shouldn't be worrying about to some degree, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, it's not a threat. Not as much as the first time when you don't know anything about it. It's really unknown. You have no idea how to handle raising a child, being an adult or being a parent. Yeah, I think there's probably just something about like the first. Yeah, I don't know. I don't want to like, it's hard to assume these things, but one thing I think about is like, if it's your first kid, you probably are like hyper locked in as a parent and then having the second kid, it's like it's not the same experience as having the first kid because it's like all of what you thought kids was going to be like your whole life coming out on this kid growing up. And then by the time you get to the second one, it's like you've had time to reconcile what you thought about kids and what kids are. And then now you have this next kid. And that's a much shorter gap usually for people. Then from kid zero to kid one. So that makes sense. Why the. Why they'd. Be like this and then they'd be like that, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. You definitely feel more comfortable with it where you've literally already already done it before. I did that Quest's childbirth. And yeah, yeah. There's a different list, but we can say. And you have the first kid to help you, like, just like, I never said it becomes more known. Being just being there, like, one extra person in the room is help, you know? And I'm. Interested of having. Changes the equation, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And they'll help each other when they get to that age. Yeah. Or when they're able to start communicating in more elevated, sophisticated way. Yeah. My sister and I just fought forever, and my mom was always like, You be best friends one day and be like the only people that can help each other sometimes. And then I'm like 29 and I'm just like, my mom was so right, so crazy. Zero. So right. Yeah, I love that. I mean, my mom has siblings, she has two brothers and a sister, and it was cool growing up and going to family gatherings and just like seeing them interact or, you know, it's like having that that was like always, like a kind of like a staple in my mind. I guess projected forward is like your siblings are going to be your homies whenever you're, whenever we're older, drinking, chillin, going to Super Bowl parties are going to whatever for whoever July 4th party doing whatever together when we're older. That would be fun. I see them having fun, having a good time. So yeah, it was such a blast for that. Yeah, I. Love that shit. But yeah, whenever you're younger, you definitely fight. Yeah. Okay. So some conflict for sure across the sibling spectrum. Yeah. Because you're figuring stuff out about yourself and about life and. Other people. And. Yeah, like some people. Like, I don't think I tried really hard to be like, I don't know what the fuck the word would be. Even as a kid, it would be like naivete almost, but it would be like passive aggressive niceness, like just trying to be. I was trying to be good for goodness sake. I want to be like a good boy. I wanted my mom to be, like, proud of me or, like, think I was like, you know, a lot of my mom's, like, only real strict type rules were like how we acted in public and, like, how we talk to each other at the dinner table and like, how we acted as a family, whether we're fighting in the car on the way to places like I'm more like emotional intelligence stuff, which is like harder to understand as a kid, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Social interaction behavior, right? Yeah. And so that was a super like, difficult to deal with. I mean, it was because, like, you're when I'm fighting with my sister as a kid, I don't really understand, like. Like that. Like you ever been out of control of your emotions where you just been, like, really reactive and really like, quick to anger and like also, there's times where you feel like you're taking everything like, really personally, even though it's just like, stuff's just happening, you know? I'm saying you're like, she, she, she slipped and fell and broke the toy. And I'm like. You broke my toy. My favorite toy. You don't care. About anything that I like. It's like, no, she just, like, sort of felt your problem. Yeah. Yeah. But as a kid, it's like you just don't get socialized any of that. You haven't seen it enough times. Or to remove yourself from the emotion. Yeah. Or to disregard it or be able to put it to the side and look beyond. To just understand what happened. Yeah. It's such a true understanding. It's like, harder to find. Yeah, I guess. What does that look like? Looking for the explanation? Yeah. Instead of just, like, looking at what? Like what happened? It's like, well, how'd it happen and why did it happen? Like unboxing, trying to look. Yeah. You try to, like, comb through the reality of what's going on. And just. Be fascinated by the gist. Of it. So to do as a kid. Yeah, we know we're not there. It takes time. But all that to say like, I did fight with my sister, but for the most part I was like a good kid. Like I wasn't really like crossing other people's boundaries. Very often I tried to be respectful and just like, nice, like, I don't know. And then but there's other maybe some of even your siblings are people that are more likely to be like, it's not even a bad thing. Like they might like cross the boundary into chaos more often than I would have, which like they might be more likely to, like, sneak out or go exploring somewhere. We should have gone exploring or like. Not even being who? Sorry, just other personalities within even the same family structure. Like if your brother likes to fight all the time and you're like, I would never fight with anybody. But then this is necessarily wrong with your brother for having a more aggressive personality type. But just as a kid, like you don't know how to fucking negotiate with that or like manage it, you just like exploring your own thoughts and your own brain chemistry. You know what I'm saying? In your family, you can get like these different personality types that don't know how to be themselves and then you're just like hashing it out as you grow up, like figuring out who they are, figuring out who you are. But I think you have to go to war or more or less war for some of these things. It's like when you act like that, I feel like this. And I think in the grand scheme of things like you're wrong and you shouldn't be doing that to me. You know, if you. Yeah, I guess that behavior played out over there over time is a losing strategy. Yeah. Socially. And then just dealing with that conflict I think is like tough and good, you know what I'm saying? It's don't, it doesn't always make for, like, happiness all the time because you're like fighting with your siblings. And then, yeah, I didn't have like fighting with my parents sometimes about like it's just like we would be in like, like trying to search for truth. So if I could make, like, a good point about, like, you're being unfair because this, this and this and this is what happened is, like, caught. Yeah, Your Honor. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. We would do that, especially when, like, I had, like, stepsisters and stuff and a stepmom. Then it became even more like, well, no one wants to be biased here, so, like, no one wants to appear biased to anybody. So if you can speak the truth, objective truth, we will listen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's also a weird thing that kind of just goes on in the family structure. If you have a good balance. Family structure, right? And like, you'd be like. that's predicated on that first initial step. They actually trying to be like a family. Feel like a strong unit. Fucking unit bro. Right. Like if you're taking your kid to the do something all the time and they're like had only doing this like can we just do something else. Even like I'd be done for like anything else. But I just don't like really doing that one thing. Like I think it'd be, it'd be hard not to listen to them, right? But that means that as a kid, it's like your responsibility to have to, like, learn how to fucking communicate, like, difficult things, to talk to people about, to not be conflict adverse. Yeah, you know, there's a way to do it. That integration of this radical emotional thing that we are humans. Yeah. So so young humans and then trying to, like, tame that and meld it, mold it and be able to be like the chameleon and know how to work into social interactions or social environments, be a different not a different person, but to be able to meld into different frequencies and personality types. Yeah, being socially likable, I think Dr. Peterson Peterson talks about, yeah, just try to make your kids like likable by the time they're four or whatever it is, so that people will want to help them and society will kind of be nice to them versus the opposite. It's important to indicate that you're going I think are having other siblings helps with that. The family unit helps with that. All it's important. So fucking societies was built on as people. Look in. Individuals and individual strong individuals, I think strong family units are crazy strong individuals. I think so too. Are everything can be it can be. As I say, I. Don't need anything necessarily. Electronic People come from broken places. You? Yeah. Some people don't have like a strong family unit, but then they're able to kind of use that as fuels as well like create something better going forward for the next generations. Yeah, but if you're going to operate like at the highest, the highest frequency is the word always used. But on that it's harder to even describe what I'm saying when I say that. But like if you're operating at your highest frequency and you have a family and like you're you have the option to organize them and what potentially could be the most beautiful way possible, I think that that looks like a family unit, you know what I'm saying? I guess some amazing people come out of broken places, but that's like all things work for good for those who love God, like I can reach anybody. Yeah, but. I think if you're you have the opportunity to organize that and then you can organize it into like a strong family unit with support structures and balance structures and you're passing on the values that were the most important thing to you as you like, became who you were at that point. Like, I think that's that's the that's the highest good you could do there. And that's what we should be pursuing, you know, like not just because for goodness sake, like I just said, like it sometimes it's better to be aggressive than like a the word that comes to mind is pussy for. Yeah. Because, like. As a kid, I was kind of a pussy. Like, it. Was like, it's not. What if I turn? It's a boy. It's not a noble. Thing to be afraid to explore. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you need to break rules just as a part of, like, the life experience, you know? But, like, I wasn't down to do that. Even, like, just because I was, you know, that's the thing that happens as a personality type where you're just like, it's easy to be conflict avoidant and say, I'm being good. I don't want to fight with anybody, cause like, I'm being a good boy. It's like, well, maybe you're just a. Person, you know? It's like, That's not good. That's good too. It's. That's not good. Yeah, you're controlled animal. That's like Jordan Peterson. Carlos He says it all the time. To me, it's like being animal controlled. Animal like, okay, yeah, you're right. Like, say, regardless, I'm happy you're not a rabbit in the forest, but, like, just frickin controlled animal, like, All right, but you got to be a lion. You know, kill Nothing is be a lion. Yeah. Thanks so they have all that to say. Fighting with siblings, integrating into society. It's built on individuals, and every individual has the ability to. Hey, I've got to find anybody. There we go. You could do anything. Yes. Yeah. I think ideally, though, the most ideal sense you would have a strong masculine and a strong feminine energy in your life and they would help you integrate and teach you about who you are and who people are and how to interact. You know, how to be, how to give and take with society. Because it's not always just give and be like the the the bunny. Yeah, it's okay to do that only. yeah, we were talking about being a good boy, for goodness sake, is not necessarily a good thing. There was a thought ripe for that one that predicated that thought. That's okay. So we're just on the podcast. We're talking. About it's whatever. You know, again, we're getting in there, we're getting ready for this workout, going to go ahead. A little different vibes today on the pod. Welcome in. Welcoming everybody. So 34 Mobile we're skipping 33 is the last episode. That one's in the home. We'll see if we ever get that one back. I know this is going to be 33 or 34. It's 34 legitimately, but we're here. We're here. For if you were at the live show Epix, I appreciate. You. What's a live show? Epix. We're going to try to get those in it look good. We seem to get the audience if we can make that a more feasible, consistent thing. But it was tight. It looked like it was cool. For those of you who don't know, we had a five hour block Epix. Yes, we spent an hour of that block recording this on a stage on Barstool in the bar, and we should be able to provide that as a podcast available to you guys on YouTube and Spotify and Apple Music going forward. But it also creates an opportunity for you, if you're interested, to come to picks for our event and then actually be on the podcast. Yeah. M.J 38 Knight App Picks Picks Bar here in San Antonio on the north side, right next to where Brant House used to be desires was called now I think yeah. If you know our desires then you know we're pixies. If you don't know our desires that's our pixies. But I'm sure you've heard desire. It's top three in the Metaphor Club, so it's just right over there. It's like 1604 to 81. But you drive towards I-10 for like 10 minutes and then you're there. Yeah, sweet little spot. But doing that pod welcome into this pod. Welcome into this. 134. Keep it moving. Yeah. We're keeping a. Hundred different vibes today. We're picking it up a little early. So the early pod. The. Good morning. Good morning. Or you. Good morning. Good morning. It was back in this thing like an accordion. Okay, let's go. We caught in it? Yeah, that's what we're going to get a thing at this workout. His and back day to day. yeah. I think I was going head back as I call the. Reveal Magnifico. That day, ladies. And gentlemen. Yes. Back to my favorite to lift. Back at it again. That's so nice, because it's hard for me to have a savings account in my real life, but my back is like my body saving account. I just do it and I don't look at it. I never look at. It, never look at it. It's like a recurring deposit. You and one day you look and you're like. I got 20 bucks back here. Why? Weekly deposits? Yeah, it's. Sick. I enjoyed back a lot. Yes, I work through. A lot of love that. Love working out. Love it. Yeah, me too. That Plato shit is a Socrates. It was Yok, believe it. Philosophers. People don't necessarily know about that. Well, do you want to tell every yoked? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. What was it on one of the Joe Rogan podcasts they're talking about? Was Plato, right? Yeah, Plato. They think Plato learned from Socrates or Socrates or Plato. Then I forget the lineage. And then there's another one that's more detached from the timeline that people talk about a lot. But that's basically growing up at the same time as like. Descartes, Socrates, Plato again, was the other one. The Martha sees. And like because there's so many, there's so many like philosophers that are kind of yeah, so many, but definitely a handful. Yeah, for sure. There's a lot there's like if you take a class in college called Philosophy. Yeah. If you take that class, then like you learn about the same people. I think like Countrywide, you know what I'm saying? It's the same like eight, 8 to 10 people. You will learn about. Yeah. Like, yeah, they should. They were yoked up. No pressure them or pushes don't push them boulders up mountains. Yeah. Just to to to push themselves literally to like their physical exhaustion exhaustion. And then within that I think there's some sort of chemical like brain like on a chemical level, your brain releases. Yeah. For sure that you definitely release like oxytocin and dopamine whenever you finish a workout. Like you literally just feel good about yourself. Yeah. So like they were doing the same sort of thing. It was, it wasn't It wasn't anywhere near as organized and structured as three by ten on bench. And then we're going to go do some incline just pulls. I think there were more. So just like working out with whatever Yeah. Pushing their body with whatever physically they had around them at the time to exhaust themselves and reach that place and reach those. Yeah. Because I don't know, I think like just gets me to a flow state personally. So I think everyone could kind of whatever you do physically, I think your body is able to whenever you exhausted to a certain point or whenever you use it and get in rhythm with yourself, like your thoughts and your physical body and your mental thoughts are like lined up and you're doing what you're telling yourself to do and you're like watching yourself do it. You're watching yourself watching the whole process go down to like your mental and your physical, like combine and talk to each other and coordinate and perform. And you're watching all this happen. And it's like a magical thing that goes on whenever you get to that. Like after I work out, I think it's like a flow state, Like I'm just like freestyle and thoughts are coming to me, flowing to me easily. Yeah, I'm like in a good mood, you know, saying, Yeah, I think the philosophers are doing that shit. Yeah, dude, that's fucking beautiful. The preach. Brother. I was like, Amy, your eyes are like getting heavy or getting a little water. In my eyes. I'm like, Man, that is what it does for me. Yeah. I love watching me do that shit. Now I feel you. I feel you. Yeah. It's important. The the thing afterwards you're talking about Plato like to work out just like you like to work out because it's doing something for your brain and accessing like these. These better thoughts and these better feelings in this better state of being. And I think that that's like these people that thought about life so deeply, like they wanted to achieve that as well. That's like part of what they were doing there, right? And I think so, yeah. Yeah. I think that's what Joy. Says to. Me. I was just annotating what you said. That's very much what you said, right? Yeah. But when I'm in that place, it's different. Like, it's fucking different. Like, for one, like my anxiety levels are way down, and then my judgment with no anxiety is just different. It's just different judgment at that point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's also me because it's not like you get drunk and then like, let's say you have different judgment and that applies to but like you wouldn't necessarily agree with your drunk judgment like that. Like, I think that maybe that's why we call it a spirit, because some of it's kind of like inhabiting you at that point and it's not a you that you would like necessarily want to be responsible for that judgment per say. Yeah, all the time. Right. But I think like it's different when I get to that workout state because I'm like, it's a truer judgment. I'm like, This is how I really feel. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, the thoughts are more clear. I think that they the the speed at which they come in and the clarity at which they come in with as well is like heightened. All that's more it's increased. It's like you're in deeper thoughts more quickly, more clearly and it makes more sense. You're like, yes, I love this place. I have access to the information so much. It's yeah, it's just like a river just flow it just, just flowing. Shoppers are aligned or whatever. Maybe I'm like, aligned with myself. Yeah. And doing that hardship. Yeah. That works on so many levels. But the leadership played a would be my dog. I think we'd be home. We'd be homies for sure. Socrates, if. You sitting right there, it'd be fucking tight. It's like. What's up, yo? What's up? What's going on? Excited for back there? Yeah. Let's go. Fuck. It pushes them boulders. Yeah. Okay, here's another thing. So there's so much to unpack with every idea. I feel like timelines. I'm like, I only have an hour to talk to these people. You know, one thing about working out, it's a big jump to say that working out makes you like a better person, like, that's almost what we were getting. I mean, I definitely saying that it makes me a better me. That's definitely true, because I think I think being a better person kind of implies social interaction, right? I think that's generally better me. Because of all the stuff we just said, right? Like here because everyone just just because you work out doesn't mean you're like good to other people as well to work out and be a fucking asshole. He's walking in. Fucking prick. Did. I've been accused of that. I've even been like that. You know what I'm saying? Like, I definitely went through a point in life where I did not care for the social part of the exchange. I'm like. What does he say? What does what do clouds and what not? It's just, you know, so like. Everybody. Said. It was crazy to me, like five or six people that I don't really know that well, coming up to me in the gym just to talk to me, mostly because I hit like a nice, like physique change and I'm in there every day and I just like, clearly popped off and like, look different from when I had started that train. So if anybody had been in that gym like that whole time, they were like more likely to be like, just come out and be like, Bro, you've been going crazy. Hey, what's up, man? I see you in here all the time. Yeah. Which is like, cool. But, like, I start having all these other thoughts. Like, what is it about you. For one, let's your motivation. This conversation is a youth thing. Like, I didn't I didn't go press on me, you know. I'm just playing my fucking game. Well, there's no piece or not NBC, but someone to a degree NPC comes up to you and just starts talking to you, creating dialog, and he's like. Boop, back. To the quest. Thanks, bro. I appreciate you. Have a good lift, bro. Like. I could just say that real quick, but they can feel my energy too. That's the other thing is that it's like it would require me to lie to them for me to be like at that point I was so not interested. That like they couldn't help. But walk away from that conversation. I mean, like, like I was interested in that, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Totally kick it. Can you don't kick it back. Like, okay. Well, pick up my ten bucks to kick it around with. I realized that there's something wrong about that. There's something not. There's something wrong about that. In my personal experience. Like which far drop in the can invite someone to kick it or not kick it back. Not kick it. Off. I think there's something wrong with both. Yeah. Bearing the. Burden of my. Right. Yeah, but I just. I didn't press on you. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, I didn't, bro. Like there's a lot of when I first got busy, imagine if I could just drag. Out all his dialog for all of his scenes. Like, sometimes it's like Oblivion was Skyrim. It was a. Yeah, dude. Like forever. But sometimes when I'm playing Final Fantasy and I click on a random person, it just has dot, dot, dot and it's just one screen and you press a and then you're not talking to many anymore. Other. People. It's like AA and you're getting all this information from all these. Like I'm just not, I'm, I try to make myself more open and available to connect to so that other people can connect to my human experience for their own human experiences sake. Because ultimately it's like just like I have to do shit I don't want to do all the time. Like I got to do the dishes and I got to fuckin. You know, laundry. Groceries and I got to work out. I don't want to do that all the time either, but. Like, takes time, takes money. I'm tired again. Energy expenditure? Yes, literally physically exhausting. So all that to say it's a broad it's a big jump to say that working out just will make your life better and make you a better person because there's some people who don't have that integrated into their life at all. And it's kind of like painful for them to hear people who are quote unquote happy or have a body that they'd want like for whatever, whatever they don't have in there, projecting that on to this other person. And then the other person is saying, well, if you worked out, things would be better. That's like tough to hear. You know what I'm saying? For people? Yeah, there's people that just like going on a jog three times a week would be like a lot to ask, you know, saying to take a big life change. Yeah. And like, Plato was pretty far removed from that, in my opinion. Like he. I see them fucking dead lifting tree trunks, you know what I'm saying? Like the fucking huge like, that's why I want to go to the Louv. You see the sculptures of these people. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. They're yoked up. Jacked man. There's Greek sculptures and shit. And so. It's. I think that people should work out. I think taking care of your health is the thing that accesses the, the frequency. Like you don't have to be jacked like even if you just like. There's two parts to it too. I think there's like the working on the health part and then there's also like just like a physical part, like just moving your body and like lining up those thoughts between mental and physical, like the two worlds that are going on. And like when they overlap, like some special goes on there. Whenever you're doing a physical thing. But then also there's like your health too, because you could be going to the gym and be yoked the fuck up. But like you eat like shit, like smoking and drinking all the time. And like, I was there. You know, better than. Working out with like, you're not like your health is like a different thing. Like your health is like taking vitamins and stretching and drinking water and getting some good sleep is like taking part. Your health is definitely important for sure and makes you feel better. I think the physical there's something there with the physical Venn diagram of existence where it's like the mental and the physical. Then you're like experiencing it all at the same time. And then watching all that happens is like a fourth dimension. Yeah, I think you look at the thing. If I sit in there, no. Where's they're doing inspections similar to that. Yeah. I was like. it was the five. Yeah. It was funny. It really. Is. Yeah. So if you guys see some people walk in here, that's what's going on. But I think we're good now. But I think it's beautiful bro, because it's hard to explain to people why what playing basketball does for me. Because there's even almost every day I shoot for like ten or 15 minutes just in the gym, even if I'm by myself. And like the ten or 15 minutes. I've been doing that thing since I was like 12 outside in the driveway. Yeah, just putting on some headphones and shooting. Chewing around. Yes, bro. And there's something that happens with, like, the music and like, my body and like my thoughts. And I get, like, it when it happens correctly. I get so free that, like, my body is just moving. Like I'm not thinking about it at all and I'm hitting like, turn around, spin, jump in the air, kind of hang for a second and shoot a mid range and it's just like, Wait, everything I'm doing is just so smooth, so fluid. And I'm like draining these shots, which is cool because like, you can't it's nice to have something to shoot at when you're in that place because it really makes it apparent like what that Steph Curry frequency is because you're just so on the target and you're not thinking about it at all. Like, how could that be? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, At least I know. I think I know exactly what you're talking about, because I definitely relate to that. I like having having some of the AMA have something to shoot for sure. Everyone might have a different inclination, but I love basketball for that reason. Are like beer pong. And like, I think. Partially why we like it or why I like it so much is because, yeah, it feels as if like you're able to just like it's you're dramatizing truth and being able to hit the hit the arrow in the bullseye. And like whenever you make a shot, it's just like I made that shot. Yeah. I set a goal and then I executed some commands and try to accomplish that goal. And then it happened and I. Was like, Yeah, that's absurd. There's there's nothing beautiful there that we get like, gripped with. Yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. It's fucked. So many thoughts going on in my head. We were talking about, you know, you have you talked about shooting and the crossover between the mental and the physical and Yeah, you get to that free space. It's just like. The first place is crazy. It's so. Slow. And then also, like, if I have, like, a running list of things that I'm not sure how I'm dealing with, sometimes I just got to like fuckin petition on a thumbtack because going to get to that free space at some point and when I'm in that place, it's like I start, I like call the opponent to the ring and then I start doing like wrestling, like I feel like I'm doing MMA with this like problem that I have. And when I'm like really, really free, I feel like I just like, can grapple with everything. Like I can wrestle. That's really what it feels like because I can wrestle with these ideas and like, there's this beautiful thing that happens where like what I who I want to be in a sense, where I actually like who I am, like no filter barred, like I'm really fucking with me. Like there's a way for that thing to shine through. Everything that's going on. Like, sometimes I have to, like, figure out how I want to think about it, but there's I'm never going to have to make a compromise in that wrestling match where I don't like, appreciate what's going on here, because I think that that's just how it works. I think sometimes we're making compromises, like in a relationship. Sure, you have to make compromises, but with your own thoughts and your own self. Like, I think that there's like a way to there's a way for this life to be, like, perfect for you. And so if I have to deal with something in a certain way, there's like a way that I can deal with it where I still, like, maintain my artistic integrity or maintain my my conscience, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. You're soul. Yeah. And I think that that there's something so rewarding about maintaining those parts of my soul that like having to deal with the problem isn't so bad anymore. Like, now I know what I'm doing. I know why I'm doing it. I know how it makes me feel, and that's how I'm doing it. Instead, it's just like problem in the first place, you know? But the the ability to do the judo or like the wrestling with the thigh, sometimes I have to, like, wait until I feel like, okay, like I'm good. Like I'm like in this free space. I can think, well, I'm like, on my feet. And there's times where you're just thinking so much like when you're freestyling and you just like, rush in a beat. That's so different than, like, the crusty eyed feeling you have when you wake up in the morning. So, like, dealing with your problems when you're in that place, it's like, nice, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Or gives you those the elevated, elevated thoughts or the maybe elevated thoughts and also that much more clarity, all the thoughts that you get anyway, you're able to interpret information much more efficiently. You're better. We're all just information interpreters. That's all we're doing here. Yeah, you're right. Information interpreters and ers, which they express in our information and then we're interpreting it holds information. So all this back and forth. And I think that cycle of the interpreting information gets. More it's like in the world as it Yeah. Well we're at home and we're like, I see all of it. I see all the information that's worth seeing and I'm able to discard the bullshit when much more, much more quickly and easily I'll have to spend time like this is bullshit. Like now I know what the truth is. Yeah, yeah. From that place, the judgment so clear to so nice girl like. Yeah, my dad said that there's, like people that are ultra processors, like in their true life, like, not just not being on that state, like there's amount of processing power, like quickness to, like, it could even be like hand-eye coordination can kind of relate to the same thing I'm talking about, just like your capacity to take things in per second. And then there's people that have a naturally high rate of that. But I think in that flow state, you're like super elevated into that thing where you're like. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, these like almost simultaneous. Yeah, that goes on for sure. And then I don't know, I don't know the other. That was the processing for sure. The flow state, just everything. this can be the other day. Like your ears are always fucking. Open, They're always on, they're. Always high bro. And we don't have like you don't, Things don't present themselves as important enough to mark not everything hear is important enough to mark. 100% that you hear so much shit all the time. It's like you see so much shit. What's important to to take note of what you know, to take notice of what you've seen or heard so much. There's so much from it. But I think that there's potentially, potentially your subconscious has the potential to process all of it. All of that you've ever heard. All of it. Like it could recall anything that you've ever heard potentially. I don't know exactly That's how the brain works, but I don't think it doesn't work like that because, like, there's no telling how much power or processing you have up here and what your subconscious keeps, your subconscious cues kept stuff from like when you were a baby, you know what I'm saying? Or some people's subconscious keeps up from when they were in the womb trying to like, be given birth to, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, Yeah. And so, like. Your entire life is in your subconscious. Yeah, it's all there. It's all there. And so there. So when you think about that, like pursuing these, unlocking like higher frequencies, these flow states and stuff like that, I think that again, it would grant what would appear to be like superhuman like ability if you could just like remember if your brain had the power to hyper process through everything you've ever heard and draw the thing that need to know, because that's how this kind of works. That's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. Maybe we get like super, super high in a week. It's like going into past lives. To the archives. Doc. That's what it. That's, I think some of that kind of happens. On the hyper psychedelic experiences because yeah, you're. It's. It's like loosening all these things I think and then like kind of just shining lights and activating parts of your brain that don't necessarily get super activated all the time. And so when those things are super activated, I think we're able to like, you know, draw from our entire subconscious, like all of it. Yeah. Yeah, I think yeah, I think you're right. I guess part of what started some of this thought was the subconscious because yeah, where there's only so much information we're able to perceive and like, contend with even. Yeah, but I think your subconscious does take everything into consideration, the whole, the whole scope of and of all your days, every day you've ever lived. It's like your subconscious has all of that because you were awake or whatever, just because you it's like you have a computer. It's like we have those in the fucking in the back logs. We don't, we don't own it very often. Yeah. Hardly ever. Know. We don't. But is there some files or like starred or. You see different. Colors? Yeah. I was talking to my dad about how when I went to go see him in the past week, I was having this, like, kind of strange week where I would have these moments where I was, like, super flooded with a part of my life that I had, like, completely forgotten about or was just so far removed from where I was that, you know what I'm saying? And like, one of them was like, I saw this, my dad fucks with Legos and he had made this like Lego scenery and it took me back to a bee farm that I went to go visit a lot when I was a kid. Like, okay, half a mile up the road from where our farm was that we grew up. I grew up. On in. Indiana. Yeah. Okay. It's like 15 minutes away from like the city. Not very far, but like, you're kind of out, like, in cornfields and stuff like that. Yeah, but there's, like, a bee farm, like, half a mile up the road, and they did, like. Tours and. Shit. Yeah, honey. Yeah. Imagine. Not now. Like, it's examples. Not a bee factory, but more like a it was more like a honey farm, you know, like they've got, like, stuff growing and they had pumpkin patch rides and stuff like that. okay. Okay. So it wasn't. But it was dope. And so, yeah, we used to just go there a lot for like, fucking whatever for like Halloween one year. Kill time. Right? And like, dude so far removed from my life. And I saw that truck and it just, like, took me right back there. It just was, whoa. I could. Smell the. Fucking that would open the dust on that file. Right? That's almost exactly what my dad I had told him. I was like, Man, I'm having this weird experience where, like, just now. It happened, but it's like that. And he's like, Yeah. So your brain is like, literally, like a computer sometimes. And what happens is, like computers, they have all the information that they've ever had. They have like they keep all that on there. But the way that they stored is they have an index and the index takes the space and like the index tells them, like, I'm looking for this file and then you go to that file and it's in this thing right here. But then if they don't want to have to access this memory, if they just want to make it like dead memory, then they get rid of the index for that thing. And now you can't go find it here to pull it there, but it's still in there. But that's like a more microscopic amount of space taken up because like the indexing is what makes it like a file that's usable. Yeah, Yeah. There you go. So you're saying and he's like, that's what happens with your memories, too, is like, we kind of like, take things out of our index of, like, memory for us to draw on because there's like more important stuff for us to draw from. But then, like, sometimes you just get like, deep rooted into like information that's in the dead space storage and it's like, it's a whole file. You're like, my God, I remember it. It smells like. Yeah, everything. I felt that day, like how cold it was, You know what I'm saying? It's so weird. Grow instantly fucking. It's hard to do it all in command or and I like all the command, but it's like, unless you're like, really is like sitting there meditating deep on thoughts and like, trying to open up some of those old files. It's like, I think life does it too, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The same way that it happened to you in that fashion. Like you didn't like you weren't trying to, like, recollect childhood thoughts or, like, memories are trying to open up files or anything. I don't. My ankles, bro. Life will do it to you. Yeah, well, it'll. Remind you of something or open that it for you. You're like, shit, I forgot about that. Yeah, it's crazy how it's like that, bro. Yeah. Something weird. These weird human computer animals. I don't know. Aliens pursuing. That's the thing that you got that this was. This is why you got to work out is because, like. Yeah, but yeah, they're suing the. For suing that heightened state is like it's weird becoming more self-aware it's weird it's self awareness is almost evolution because like at first, like I said, like you're like a kid, just like being controlled by your emotions more or less. Hitting it. Up. Like, how do you tell a kid that emotion is drawing? You're going you're going crazy. Like you're being too upset about this, like it has too much power over you. Like you are not that emotion. Like you're you are someone having that emotion. Yeah. And if you came to a different understanding, you might not even feel that way. But as a kid, you're like, This is how I feel. It's not like there's no detachment from, like the the anger, the upset feeling. And it's not like, you know, it's like that thing like, is what I'm feeling. That is. What's happening. Yeah, You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And it's like, the difference between those two states of understanding is, is something that you find when you're pursuing the unlocking of this animal computer like machine, like you're becoming exponentially like not only I wouldn't necessarily just call it detached, like exponentially more self-aware. And when you're more self-aware, the result is a better human, like you're a better experience, like you're not. So you're not creating chaos. You're actually helping. Order. Yeah, And that's that's a big it's an exponential swing. Like it starts getting like broad, wide and tall at the same time, Like the amount of difference that you're making. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And being the being the hyper or an A hyper. But yeah, more self-aware version, being able to determine how to act to I guess to bring more balance. Yes. To bringing more order or to bring chaos whenever it's it's the too much order and needs to be done away with. You need to throw some things away. I need a restart. Yeah. What's your anchoring for that. That's another problem because I think it's the right thing. I think doing the right thing is also part of unlocking this animal like machine science, because doing the right thing grants you the state of consciousness that it takes. It's the higher frequency that it takes to unlock more of it. So without the pursuit of the right thing, you wouldn't quite hit that frequency that allows you to, like, become more self-aware. And doing the right thing is like hard for sure. But I think it's like ultimately we're here in the pursuit of trying to become those people, you know? Yeah. That version of you. Because if you were the yeah, that's my anchoring force of like if you are more self-aware than what you would choose to do from that self-aware place would be to bring balance would be to strike more order or be more dependable or more understanding, more empathetic. But like, I don't know if that's maybe someone could be self-aware and still have their own selfish agenda, but I don't think you become self-aware with a selfish agenda. Yeah, Yeah, right. Does that. That's why it's like there's a disconnect there. It's like, hold on. If you could, you could use your superhero powers for evil. And it's like, No, you wouldn't be granted superhero powers if you were evil. I'm not saying we have superhero powers, but the exponential level of the self-awareness and what comes with that feels almost superhuman or the flow state feels super. I'm like, Dude, I'm fucking Steph Curry right now. Like, this is supernatural. Yeah, Yeah. But I do think people might be doing that, though, you know, saying if you want to try to use the super power for evil or the ability to process information and be more efficient, fucking super animal alien machines that we are. Yeah. And to use that for their, you know, their own selfish agenda, their own benefits. But I think you did hit it. Hit it, hit it though I think you have to become self aware. And once you get that self-awareness, I think you can you can choose kind of what to do with it you can manifest or create kind of like any situation. There's levels and layers. You got to pay for the place. Yeah. As someone becomes self self-aware and then become nihilistic, right for that. Player, it's like, yeah, it's the fucking the superhero and the super villain story. It's like the origin stories are very similar virtually across the board. So. Right. Well, okay, so this is tight because I've been waiting to tie this back in with you and I feel like I'm having a Jordan Peterson moment because this is the lingering thought and it doesn't fit here. But I plugged it in and I think it works. taking it back to where we started with smoking. I just wanted to provide a lot of context, but ultimately the thought that was worth sharing was there's something I, I created, like a hole and not like a hole in my brain or a whole in my spirit. But just like, if you could just imagine, like in my inner garden and my inner, my inner matrix, and if the inner matrix was represented with like a house and a yard, the smoking dog, like a six foot wide, six foot deep hole in my yard, like a fuckin Stanley on that hole. You okay? Yeah. And then it doesn't necessarily look good, but doesn't it sort of look bad? But it's like, why so fucking hold it, Right? And I did. All I had to do was keep smoking in that hole. Got a little bit deeper all the time. And the hole is like a habit. The hole is like a neuron firing sequence. Yes, a serious thing. And and part of that, that sequence was the actual like smoking of something like a pacifier, like Duncan Trussell calls it taking society relieving to say, I'm uncomfortable, I'm going to change my state. Now, the state doesn't have to be relieving. It's nice that the nicotine drops dopamine, but ultimately just the control of saying, I don't like this, but I have control over this. Now I feel this way. It could literally probably be liquor too, you know what I'm saying? It's like, I don't like this, but I have control over this now. I feel this way. It's just the control of what you're going through. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There you stay. Right. So that. That. That's something itself. And then the nicotine addiction is something itself. And then both of them are what I, what I want to describe them as wholes is because like the nicotine addiction part is like my brain didn't function as well when I quit doing nicotine, Like it was like the exponential state change. We were talking about playing basketball and like getting to that free state and how lucid and in rhythm and how creative your thoughts and come to you lightning quick like that thing. I normally have a baseline of like, let's say I start at 70 every day, just natural free flow state and I can get it to 100 and we start having superstar like experiences. But when I had quit doing nicotine, I was falling to like a 60 when I woke up. And then some days I was a 50 all day long and it was like, you know, I kind of took it as like, okay, I'm going through withdrawal. Like it's a little bit harder to, like, feel really free right now because my body's like craving a drug that I fucking that's this whole, like, I can't just, like, fill it overnight more or less. That's the thing. Yeah. It couldn't, couldn't fill it in a week. And then like 30 days into not smoking, I bought a vape on my day off and I was just really stressed out. That's when I realized it was really a stress relief thing because I was just really stressed out and I was like, Man, I'm going to get this vape. Then at the end of the day, when I connected all those dots, I was like, I Ambrose crazy. But it kind of worked out because I think like more or less, I was supposed to experience like a little backslide. Like if you eat healthy for a month and then have a cheat day, it's kind of like almost part of the process is realizing you don't need the cheat day, actually. But at first it feels like pushing so far into unknown territory, you have this natural inclination to eventually step back on the bow of known territory, which would be your old bullshit habits. And so this is my old bullshit habit, and I did it when it made me sick. Like the whole first day that I smoked on it, I couldn't really play basketball so lightheaded and I felt like I was in a pass out legitimately. Didn't feel great. It's like, obviously this thing is not good for me, but once I got past that, the next two days at work were like my best two days at work in the 30 day span, like A-plus performance. On top of the ball. Just recall attention, memory. Articulation, energy level. Yeah. The thing yeah, energy level. And let's say like, it's just like reps per minute, like the amount of interactions I had per hour, like way higher because I was just right there, just all night, just. Boom, boom, boom. Felt like I was playing massive defense all night. I never got tired, never wore out. Nothing bothered me. Just locked in, bro. Yeah, I think. Yeah. Part of the nootropics, right? Like kind of nicotine. There's a nicotine here has an effect. It does, Right. That's part of it for sure. And I was using like, mouth patch nicotine, but I don't know if like the consumption right is way different or like because. Your body processes a different. Right right. Creating different like actual chemicals that my brain is feeding off of. No fucking clue. Right? Yeah. So that kind of sucked almost because I was like, Damn, bro, I want to be like that right here. I want my sober me to be that cold and that locked in and that like. Boom boom bar. I gave him the boom boom bar. Those two nights. But like, just, like, just like there's consequences to smoking a cigaret in a room. And those consequences are people's perception of the smell and the natural disgusting of the turn off of smoking. The problem with smoking the vape even, is that like it requires, let's say I'm watching a movie with my dad in the room and he doesn't to smoke in the house. I mean to have to go outside to go off the vape. That means we had to pause the movie and do like a whole break and create this time gap between what I'm doing and what I want to be doing because I need to feed this thing. But those things allow you to just be. Like not the changed role. You'll be hitting the beaches and the restaurants and all people are crazy these days. The vapes. Yeah, yeah, bro is when I go. To a restaurant and I was smoking. Fuck you, bro. Believe me. Yeah. Cause it's like bro, like. Magic. Dragon one. The science of it is like you're telling me to wear a mask. Like, it doesn't do anything. It's a vapor. It's not smoke, it's vapor, which is like, scientifically different. It's not doing anything to your walls. It's not doing anything to anybody's health. It's like, bruh. It's chilling. Chilling. Like I have a nicotine addiction more or less. But there are social ramifications to leaving the table and having to go outside. So if you miss the scene, if you're a smoker, you miss the scene a lot. That's like one of the ramifications of having the addiction in the metaphysics is you have to be absent sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. I think our producer Ace, the last time I went to go see him to get our show versions for this past performance epics, I was getting those shows versions from him and we were just talking and he was just I forget how he would go on to the subject, but he's just talking about smoking. And he was like, Yeah, man, it's because he used to smoke cigarets a lot. I guess that was his like his because he smokes vapes but he was smoking cigarets and he would say he's like, Yeah man, whenever I made that switch from smoking cigarets to smoking vapes, it's like I feel like I got so much more work done because whenever I had to be smoking cigarets like I had like pauses says we had to go outside, smoke and then come back in and then like, resume where we were at in the creative process making music. So he's like, ever since I switched it over, it's like we're making music the whole time now. I never have to like, leave the leave the room never, never have to leave the the space to go feed that thing. I could fit it with this new method here. Yeah. And the void that at least the negative work ramification. Yeah, that's definitely part of it. Like, I think that you're taking some like I'm making myself faster than I should. I smoked this and I get a pro like, but I think that there's a con somewhere like there's a balancing of all these things, you know, that's like, I don't want you sick. Is every job I have is day. Like there's about I love that 21 savage line. It's one of my favorites from American Dream because it's like, you don't have to you don't have to reach over your edge. You don't have to reach over your edge to try to take your thing. Like every dog going to have his day. It's better to wait until it's your day. And then you'll you'll be hurt. Like if you take if you're reaching forward the whole time, then you're diminishing from what you already have secure on the inside. So what you have on the inside is like, good enough. Don't be. Like I'm. Trying to go past that sometimes. That's why I don't like the smoking thing, because it's like I'm trying to take more energy. I want to perform better than what my natural state of performance would have been. But then on the backside, you know, maybe I die three years earlier. It's like three years of what that performance got taken for this performance. You know? And I think if you think that you need to take from here to give to here, that's a that's a famous thought. That's like that's thinking you don't have enough here. Yeah. Scarcity mindset and that's not the frequency it takes to do these things bruh It's it's a this thing not a fucking, this thing. Yeah. You know the. Real to elevate out of here. Yeah. So the whole is scary. The whole scary because you don't know. So yeah, I smoked for like six years. You know what I'm saying about anxiety? Had a lot of fucking discomfort with life in general. Ease some of that shit out. Right? But it taken anything benzodiazepine or fuckin Xanax is what I'm talking about. Creates a fucking deep hole really fast. Yeah, it takes all the time. You know. All the pharmaceuticals, you know, liquor, nicotine. We. And then all the pills, any and all pain being pain pills or whatever, maybe. Yeah, Adderall, all that shit. All of that. And then also now drinking, like, it almost made me get drinkers dying because like, drinkers, like, understand them. To a degree. Like, I seriously. Because I don't really give I would just be putting poison in my body to fill loose. I get it a little bit. I don't get the everyday part of it because I'm like, can't do so much poison in your body, you know, and feel shitty all the time. Yeah. But there's a thing that happened when I hit that vape and I performed so well at work those next two days. It's like the if drinkers, if, if they feel at some point in the night, the way that I felt at work, those two days, whenever they get into their drinking session, they get that heightened state of thinking, high heightened state of feeling like they tap into like a truer understanding of what's going on or something like that, then it's hard for me to hate on that, even though just a different form, you know? Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Yeah. So no logical. Make make is better at our job. That's some people though. Maybe a little bit. Yeah. If you have. The whole of whole of liquor in you and you're at work and you take one shot for the next hour, I think you're going to perform better than you did all. Day. Yeah, you're better conversationally. You're more at ease. You worse like this. Smooth and comforting and warm. And there's no stress or anxiety. Like you're able to handle situations and handle customers. Yeah. Handle conversation with ease. Yeah. Not worried about it. So I guess a good. Yeah. It's a it's a bigger problem though, because you don't want to have to do that just like I don't want to have to do this to feel that way. You got to. That's what I'm saying is like, I think it's going to take me like 30 days of mouth patches and slowly I'm going to diminish out of like my natural baseline for free flow state. And then at the end of the 30 days, I'll hit the vape. And hopefully over time, over months, the separation between where my natural state is and where I get taken on the vape, like don't get so far away from each other, I think you'll always feel like you think faster when you smoke, but I need my baseline to be closer to thinking like I'm one. So this is crazy. So like, yeah, when my natural state, like I'm standing in the hole and then I hit the vape and I float outside of the hole. But like, ultimately, if I can get the hole closed, then the difference will only be like six inches. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's. And it was a. Just it takes a while though. It's going to take anybody a while. To fill it back in. I thought it would be like seven days. Yeah. It was some things that might be that easy, but I guess with other holes. Other holes are bigger and deeper. That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some. Some are easier probably. Some are probably. Yeah. Alcohol's more difficult. I imagine it'll kill you if you try to get out of the hole too fast. Depending on who you are, everyone has their own holes in their own matrix, their own house metaphor. Yeah. Yeah. It's your yard and house. The whole thing is hard to grow because I was feeling like shit, like my health was bad. Like I'm getting lightheaded at the gym, like, almost my pass out. So it's filling the hole is painstaking, is what I'm trying to say. That's not straightforward either. Like, if you just quit eating shitty food and you're like, No, I'm going to be healthy now. So you might have to go get cholesterol medicine. Your blood sugar might be fucked up because you're built a whole body around someone who takes in a lot of fatty food. Now you've got extra shit that you're not using anymore. Like all of that shit. It's like really tough to change body chemistry all the way through, like a fucking. So yeah, that's the other part about filling the hole that's difficult is like it's not just like, okay, now I'm doing it this way. It's like it's going to be tough to do that and to justify quitting something you're addicted to over and over and over again through more challenges that present themselves. I'm just happy I didn't get it. Turn it. I'm happy. It wasn't 20 years of drinking. That's going to be really fucking hard to decide. You don't want to do that every day anymore. Yeah, like I'm happy the holes are any wider or deeper than that. It is already is what I'm trying to say. Yeah. Thank God. That's cool. We know that our holes that we're dealing with, you know, going to demons. And know somewhat like people just more casually. Like. Yeah, casual smoker. Yeah. It's not always that difficult. Like eventually you get to a place where if you have that diminished control, maybe you can have a beer at your daughter's wedding. It's like not a big deal. And I'm sad. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's it's a balancing act. We're all balancing act here. We're all fucking trapeze artists and tightrope walkers. Super, ultra true. Doing my best ever. I want to want to wrap it up. I just want to roll about an hour or so and I go hit this lift. You played along. Get your plate on this. One for the gym boys in the gym. Girls gym goal was all ages. We cut this short. Go ahead and hit your lift. Go get that shit in. If you don't go to the gym, use your body, connect to that. Feel that that mental and physical overlap of this Venn diagram existence. Yeah. Shit. Control my body as well. So for real, I'm watching myself control my body. Yes. 20 minutes of yoga on youtube. I used to Google 20 minutes beginner men, yoga boom. And there's a really cool video. This guy from California is kind of a hippie and I just did that shit at home, like. 20 minute home yoga, bro, 20 minute jump rope, a little jump rope. we're in this bit. You feel great. You feel ten times better than you started. 20 minutes. It's crazy. Yeah, We think we'll get it in for a good little hour and change. Yeah, You can take one step forward. One step forward. Just take one step forward. It's so hard sometimes, but that's all it is every day. Hell, yeah. We wish. We enable. Keep going. We push it and new music is already out. Been jumping that or bumping that? Let's go. Appreciate your doing more picks it eventually. More podcasts, more clips. Everything's coming back into rotation. We keep it moving, making the next songs already. We're going forward. Looking at the beats first down, we got a couple, we got a couple songs that are couple potentials, couple lyrics, couple of hooks, maybe a couple verses here and there, a couple bars. It's all in the works. Song going forward, 38 Season 38 Take over to see all time. Yeah, if you see it play it you'll be kind of. Let's go killing look it's a light. Shows to look where we might go I just. This with jump in my. Eyes all the time.