The MJ38 Show
Episode #35
Matthew and Justin talk about Enjoying your Birthdays, Miracles, and Right Vs. Wrong
Banger. People move and people move, moving it. Anybody, not a gang start to make it to the top four. You ask your partner if you were right. Yeah. He is a sole survivor. Yeah, that's a back. Let's talk about a hook. Timeless. Talk about the timeless role he played. I said, Now everyone just thing faces like. jeez, Disgusting. So that never stops me. I'm the souls of Bible. Yeah. Every time. Yeah. We can make this a Jeezy episode. Yeah. Welcome. That's just banged, bro. Icon was making some hits, bro. That song and. Not the only. Yeah, but the. Thing about this didn't work. For me. The relatable feeling. Hey, can. I also have the. you know, a lot of songs? Yeah. All bunch. Yeah. Yeah. So many. At least a half dozen. Dozen. The two songs I was thinking of was There's a trendy radio right now. Absolute hits. Akon. Yeah, there's a trending audio. And like a vocal or instrumental. It's like a song. The Instagram, it's only like 10 seconds and it's like sad and then the beat like, drops and then it's like a happy thing happening. I could, like, find it for you. But the other one I think about is a mr. Lonely was a song called. Yeah. So I think just lonely. It's either lonely or Mr. Lonely, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, That's always ahead. Hit. I didn't like it when it first came out. I thought it was stupid. Still a hit. I was young. I was. Young. But now I was with you. I was the same age as you. And I thought that song was kind of dumb when I was a kid, but it sounds silly. Yeah. What are we doing crying here that. Are, like, not even in the. It's like the actual sound of it. Like the voice. Is. It's like the. Song. Yeah. It was like a super high pitch, kind of very different vocal sample that was used. Say, this is strange. you know, in our early teens, whenever that was guy, when that song came out, I think I. Was like eight or. Nine. 20 years ago, maybe 20 plus. I would have been like 12. 24, 25 or something like that. I don't know. yeah, Everybody does it for somewhere. All right, good looking. There we go. Let's go then. Man was making hits, though. In fact, I'll just type in. I can't say. I didn't like that song when it first came out. Whatever it did, we're going to find that out right now. But I did come around to it when like when I was in college, very weirdly, oddly enough, like my sophomore year, maybe freshman year of college, I, I was like, listen to it. I don't even know how or when it got into my algorithm, but I remember listening to it a lot in college. It was like going from listening to it, not at all ever to I guess it maybe was partially because of my roommate Ryan. He's definitely been a big musical influence. He put me onto Childish Gambino, put me on the Big Sean Good music. The labels kick out Kanye West back in the day, and then he also was a big icon fan. So that may have spurred some of it too. By the way, I went from never listening to that song to listening to it like literally five, ten times a day, at least 10 minutes walking around on campus and doing homework. 23, 23. 21 years ago for total. Yeah. That's why we're like ten. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't like singing about, Well, yeah, I'm going to be like you. So nobody wants to see that shit? No, like, so survival. Yeah. I wanted to. Sing, but to the. Way I guess that's kind of a similar sample, but it's a little different. Right? Yeah, That was what. That was the first hip hop song I ever heard that, like, fucked me up because I hadn't really, like, I think I heard some Jay-Z. I think I heard, like some of the Black Album. That's It was super hard, though. But then I just heard Boo Boo. Boo Boo, Boo Boo. Yeah. That right down to the wire sample on a2222, three, two. Two, two, two. Yeah. Like, that's what I call hits Grammy edition Through The Wire played. That's kind of a similar sample or kind of similar vocal range, but it's definitely different. Still, The Wire and Mr. Lonely are lonely. It's just different because it's the lady singing it. I think it sounds like a sample, but I think the other one sounds like a hook. I was like, What is this? I didn't know what a sample was. I was like. This lady's singing for my mind. It comes in with the. The hip hop. But I was just like. my God, Bahama man. Yeah. And I remember thinking specifically, I was like, It hits. There's instruments playing, but it's not like a guitar and drums. I'm like, These instruments are crazy. Like the, the. 88 and shit, you know what I'm saying? It was like, Well, my. Mind, the drums and the what is like the horns? I don't know what else is in that song. Boom, boom, boom, boom. just the boom. Some strings. You know what I'm saying? There's some strings, drums, vocal sample, by the way. Fucking crazy. Yeah. Beautiful song. Per acre out 21 years ago. Golly, time flies. So fuck me out, bro. You know, love it. Now we're going to click and now we're here. 20, 24 Over four years past COVID, I grab a bottle of wine and it says 2018, 2019, like, that's like yesterday. You know, it's like, it's like right over here, you know, saying like, within arm's reach this way. Yeah, as far as time. But then it's like, no, it's not. That's like six years ago, seven or five years ago, pre-COVID 2019. No, it's 2024. We're already moving through March. Almost the first quarter is coming to an end already. It's called Quick March Madness is going down. It's crazy. I was thinking about because I was we went to Chili's and I saw March Madness playing on the TV. And then I remembered 20 hours. When we think about 2020, I was like, man, like that. It didn't do it that year because that was St Patrick's Day. And then it was like, canceled everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot like that. We didn't do the Olympics that year. I think it's just we World Cup year or no nothing like ups a different two year interval but the Olympics for sure and Watchmen is was pausanias a six missing now it seems like it was yesterday. It does seem like it's yesterday. It's getting to that point to where do you ever forget where in 2024? It's like when I say, yeah, I'm like. Okay. And so that goes on. And then whenever it gets in a bottle, it's like 25. I'm like, Wait, hold on. There's this, or maybe there's 20, 15, 2015. I think it's what I saw when I was like. Nine years ago. The first year was a decade old in my hand. Slaps you. Right? Yeah. Yeah. They hit me a couple of times every time I was like, Man, it seems like 2021 was just like, so close. So, so close. But definitely three years ago. shit. That's like almost a whole high school. Like a fucking college education. Yeah. Yeah, that's. What I think. Too. It's like Dale. I think it was like, quick. Anytime someone says that in four years doing something, I'm like, You could have been in and out of school in that time for years. So it takes. It's a it's a freaking it's forever when you're in college. That's the thing. That's crazy, right. When you're in high school. Yeah. I mean. Like freshman is seniors, like. Forever. But then, yeah, I'm at this point where, you know, being 30 or almost 30, I think the the perspective shifts a little bit like four years is nothing to use those four year chunks. Well, like, yeah, life is moving quick. You definitely yeah. Your interpretation of it you're you're I guess your scope of time, you know. Yeah. What do you think about it, How it feels to you. How a year feels or how a month feels different. It's different now is different. I don't always want to be telling people. Sometimes I really want to tell everybody, like, as you get older, life gets like more cool. That's hard to explain. But then I'm like, Is that true? Or like, am I just I don't know for sure for everybody that like. I cooler. Yeah. Like maturation is though. More like okay becoming. In yeah was lit yeah because yeah my perspective just like is broader and different than it used to be. And then I'm able to like digest new experiences from my old experiences because I understand life better. And then I'm like, it's so, it's so rich. I'm like, You get to the center of the cake and there's like, Richard Chocolate down there. It's like a whole nother cake in there. Yeah, yeah, there is like you're because it's all your life, but like, the person perceiving the life becomes like, more aware and more enlightened and more like, attentive to detail, I guess. And then, like, as you're a kid, I feel like you can't really like you have to have, like, these very, like, immature presuppositions to get you to being an adult. And then once you've, like, upgrade your presuppositions and then you're like, read, I just life, it's just like kind of trippy. So it's all life. Like your relationships with like your parents or your siblings can just mean so much more to you or be so different to you when you were a kid. Like, you. Know, yeah, you get to learn a lot or get to experience a whole new, whole new world and every like, yeah, that maturation, whatever that is, that anyhow, effect of your like sharpening, hardening, redefining or refining. Yeah, I was very. Conscious last year. Attention. Yeah. Is that. Yeah. Yeah it's, it's cool. It is just. Trippy. So this one thing is the reason I want to tell people that is because I think we're like afraid to grow up. Right? Or like when you're a kid, like, you want to grow up, but you don't wanna be old. And then there's like, some kind of, like, middle ground. Once you once people turn like 25, some people are like, like, celebrate your birthday. What? I do celebrate myself getting older. Like, I'm not trying to get old and want to be. Yeah, I get that energy from people sometimes when I like, it's your birthday. Like, Yeah, yeah, another one, another time. Here it is. So like, it's awesome. Come on. I saw this. Did you see the tick? That was like, increasingly masculine ways to tell your brother's happy birthday? You know, it's so funny. Well. I'll just remember a couple of of his, like, another bucket on fire. The time I started. My. Congratulations on your annual, trip around the sun, my friend. Yeah. It's like this is it, though. It's really funny. There's going to be a way. Maybe I'll post it, like, onto our website or onto our Instagram, watch our group chat. Should we talk about it? The Hell Yeah. Podcast. Regardless, some people don't be like in the word. This gives it. It's a weird energy, but yeah, I guess there's something there to do. Not wanting to get old, but I guess I guess maybe it's also because inextricably, maybe subconsciously related to time, we know that that's like where we go to die. In. An A on a deeper note. So yeah, a little closer. A little closer. Yeah, I. Guess. Yeah, Maybe just dying and scared. Yeah, it's a scary thing. I think what I'm trying to say is that everyone I think we're afraid to lose our youth. But if you do it tastefully, it's an appreciable experience. Like if you. If you live life to the fullest and kind of max it out and you're least putting so much on yourself on the line that you don't really have a lot of regrets, like that feeling of like, no regrets. Like you never gets. Yeah, like you really. Put it like, I think my high school basketball coach would always say like, like if you put it, if we put it all out there, if we literally leave it all out there, like win, lose or draw, I don't care. Like let the chips fall where they're going to fall. Like we don't have a lot of control. But just like I'll be happy with you guys. Like, we can sleep. We can sleep good tonight if we fucking try to wear them out. Like if we go crazy. Yeah. And you leave it all out there and I just feel like that's like, I think he was saying that because as a as an adult, it just makes sense to me. It's like, that's all you can do is try your hardest and try your best. And then like, it's so cool because trying your best kind of sucks because, like, it's, it's hard to always be trying your best and like, how do you how do I cope with that as a person is like Christianity is about kind of at its root, like just trying to become sanctified, like just trying to try your best. Like at the end of the day, like I know if I can do Rep ten or like if I'm if I told myself I was going to fail before, I really gave myself a chance to actually try to do it, I can like feel that line and I feel myself. It's been the whole work of getting right to that line, right to that line where the inner bitch is just strong enough to maybe take over for a second and make me not win that domino effect. And like, that became like six, seven months of me working out was just fighting this thing. Not even like the whole program that I was doing. It's like, get yourself to that point. Yeah. And then beat that voice that wants to tell yourself, I don't really have this. So don't attempt it. Yeah, don't do it, don't do it. And then like, No, I'm fucking doing it. Yeah, I to even let it go. Going out like that, dude. For real. Yeah. That's what you have to do, I think. Turn on that savage. I think that's what it drops a lot of testosterone. I don't know. That's what testosterone is, but I'm just like, That's what I. Like. Yeah. That makes sense. Turn that t switch up. Flip it. Let's. Let's compete with myself. But no, but. But in. Reality, which is kind of cool, just since I'm kind of like, like, you know, spin that gospel stuff right now, let's go legitimately in the gym to beat that thing. I have to, like, tell me. I thought of Olympians for 13, which is such a stereotypical like verse to throw out there, which is like, I can do all things through crisis, right? This is me, and I'll just get to that ten threat that I can't really do. The one that with a voice wants to be like, You're going to fail. And I've seen myself. Fail, but I had it, but I. Failed. But why? Because I could have had it, but I had already decided that I didn't have it. And I was just like. I can do all this? Or like, Yeah, you know? So yeah, that's it. Yeah, that was good. That's literally gone through my head before while I'm like, at that point and then I lock out the rep and like, I'm like, Man, thank God I got that extra boost. Like, yeah. I think that's the thing that, that's, to me, that's a representation of Christianity is like you don't it's all on you. And your natural presupposition would be probably to fall short or to likes in, which just means means to like miss the mark. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Natural presupposition to miss the mark. And you got to you got to ask for hope. And then it's all because it's there. Yeah, yeah, I do it. But anyway. It's all about that associate right there. Yeah, but we're talking about translate. And so we were also talking about like losing your youth, being afraid of that. But also I think it's also like important or there's a balance to it. You also keep some of the youthful aspects of life, like the wonder and like the laughter and the somewhat silly nature and ease of it. But also you need to get some books when it's time to get some books. Dog like going when we're fucking, when we're fucking around the locker room, we'll fuck around in the locker room. But like when it is and when the whistle blows. Yeah, we're fucking. We got to go. My balls are on the wall. Okay? Yeah. That's what's going on. Yeah, that's like a. Yeah, it's cool to have a real be able to flip that switch because we have like the nature of our job is like we're talking like it's a big social, it's a big watering hole, social environment. But then also we have to like turn it on for the guests and like action, you know, send. You know. Send me. Some bars, all them. Dog. Be great actors. Be nasty. Yeah. For real. Like it's crazy how much sometimes we blow our mind with them riffing with people and I'm just like, it's cool. Like, it's, that's why I feel like your story is so dope because I need to be able to rap. And like, you can write raps for sure, but that's like, that's own skill set. It's like being a poet, it's like being a writer. But you want to write lines and stanzas. But like, sometimes, like in my mind, I found this new thing that's just like, rapping. Like, I think that's what Jay-Z and Lil Wayne, they just get in the studio rap, bro. And like the reason they're able to freestyle verses like, I'm like half full stat of a thing that they're full stat on because Alive was pretty much freestyled in studio. Missy The song we just did that was pretty much freestyle in the studio. But like there's a difference when you just catch that wave and you just like eight bars of magic. Like roll that. Should be rocking. Like, I don't think I can sit there and write that because you got to be in the moment, right? Yeah, It's like. I even had to lift my. Body in the studio. Like I got to catch the groove in like. Freak. I mean, Toledo, like. Where does that come from? You just got to rap that shit, you know? I'm saying. Yeah, you steal it? Yeah, Well. Yes, bro, I feel 100% because I don't I don't think either. I kind of just like, have it all in my head, you know? So. Yeah. No, but go on, tell me. It's just like whenever I typically do it when I'm driving, it's like the usually the most common place where I'm writing or creating music or thinking about bars is either when I'm writing or like driving or in the gym when I'm like running, doing cardio or even sometimes I will just like, sit down and like, try to create bars for our or whatever is sitting down in my room smoking or listening to be over and over again. By the way, I was listening to the beat over and over again and all the scenarios, and then I'm just like kind of like throwing shit out there and seeing what sticks, thinking of different rhythms. And then sometimes like, I'll have a coinciding moment where I'll have like a rhythm or a flow or a cadence, and then I'll have like a matching syllable, like with, with those syllables, I'm able to put words to those syllables and kind of like match the two. And sometimes I'll have like just words and sometimes I'll have just the rhythm. But then sometimes I'm able to like, try to like both of the instrumental. The more I listen to it, I'm like, I know, but I don't really like, I'll write them down, you know? I'm saying I could, but like sometimes I would do whenever I'm trying to expedite the process. Maybe, and try to get it out of my head and get it on to reality. And then from like from there, maybe whenever it's in reality, I'm able to see it a little more clearly or add to it a little bit more, and it makes it kind of writes itself a little bit, you know? Yeah, that's for you. Even three or four songs in a day before. And I'll think about that like they were way back in the day. Sometimes I want to do that now that's trying to go get 5 hours in the studio. And sit down for 9 hours. Put that vision on Looper. So again, we're going like, yeah, yeah. The artist processes. Turn it on. Super lit, but turn it on. But also just. I brought up all of that which. I brought up Christianity because I was talking about how to the way that I met a strategy for doing your best because doing your best every day is difficult. But I feel like Christianity provides this leeway of like you have to constantly ask for like forgiveness and constantly ask for like atonement, but like, what's the thing you do where you're going to like, you're like, I fucked up, right? Yeah, you have to. It's a it's a gateway for repent. Like, I think that all humans could do with some repentance, You know what I'm saying? I don't want to be. Like they always missed the mark. Yeah. It's. It's. It's impossible to hit a perfect bull's eye every second of every day with your entirety, with all your thought and being. It's like day. That's a lot of saying every moment to be like, perfect. It's like you're not going to be no one is not going to hit the mark every single time perfectly forever. You're going to fuck up. You're going to miss the mark. Jesus was sinless, so Jesus never missed the mark that boy was. Again. Books like you never saw. You never seen it like no one's ever seen it for real, though. Like I was thinking about that in regards to like, if you were seeing in action, like someone getting books. Someone getting books. Beyond belief, like someone was watching Jordan in their prime and then talking to somebody who was born in the next like 20 years or so. Yeah. So it was like never seen it and only knows the game for what it is whenever they see the game and it's like you won't even you can't, there's, there's like a disconnect there even in whatever. I'm like telling you about all of Jordan's highlights. If I can't show them to you, you know, like there's no like video per say of the B.C times. So it's like just getting bucks, but like it's just there's a you're not going to be able to get to believe me. You have to like have that faith, that blind faith. That's like taking my word for for truth. You know, if I like if I, if I saw him getting the bucks, I was, like, telling you about it. It's like you'll never really, truly know unless you kind of had to choose to believe. So, like, even if you did see, let's say you did see, like, Jesus doing his thing, getting some books and like, you're trying to tell other people about it, you wouldn't really care to put it to a to a degree if they believed you or not, because there's like, I know, like, you know, they're like, I get it. Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm trying to do my best to explain these things. They give be a lot to who knows, right? Because they say back in those times, like people were like, politically aligned. So what if your like, daughter is super liberal and like ancient Israel, right? And like, it's there's like political and religious strife with, like the Pharisees and stuff like that and. King, I guess, Or I'm trying to figure who the king was. That sentence Jesus to death punches pilot. He was the governor of the state and I'm just like, thinking about it like real time, you know what I'm saying? I think that maybe, like, you might be like, you're I'm telling you, like, I'm telling. You, Jesus. Is the Messiah. Like, we need to stop and just follow this guy. Because, like, I seen a miracle, Like, I think people would get emotionally tied into maybe preaching that gospel because there's some people, like you said, it'd be like, I'm following Jesus, like, Can do what you want. Okay, I saw a ten. Thousand people get fed just now with like two fish. Was like. This. That's way better than dunking from the free throw line. Like witness literally a miracle like those kids that filled up the vessels until they didn't have any more vessels. In. And out of like one jug, like infinite oil for a second. God, like, performed a Jesus performed a miracle for them to anytime that a miracle went down for real. Yeah, that's a kid's insane because. But it's a story about a guy who just is like, God's amazing. Why do you guys not think God's amazing watch being amazed? Bucs. Bucs City and I don't know if sometimes to take from the Bible that that's like what sinless energy can do in this matrix like Jesus was perfect more or less and if you were just like actually truly perfect, then you could like, perform miracles. And like, sometimes you got to like, be as good as you can be so that you attract the best life that you could have, which would be miracle esque for you, for sure. You got your dream house miraculous too. You got like. Drake, for instance, used to sit on the hill and look at the house that he wanted to buy for, like, ever. Right? And then imagine, like, doing that in your life, like the car you always wanted to have. And it's like you have it like the family always imagined. And then also you have like a good, a beautiful family, you know what I'm saying? What else? What kind of miracles do you want? Yeah, you know, what do you need? Yeah, well, I think that's for me. That's what would make me happy, you. Know, I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, miracles. But that's a better way for trying to do your best. Because trying to do your best. Like, every. Day. You believe in miracles is like another. That's like another base, right? Of, like, religious or like, spirituality. Miraculous. Yeah. Like the supernatural. I just write it. So if it's a future song or a past song. But I just hear you going. Do you believe in me? I can't lie. Do it but don't believe in miracles. That's hard as. Fuck. That's a hard word. Is a good one. Does. Yeah. Do you believe that things can. I don't know. I think that's a big piece of basis too. Yeah. Because like Miracle on 34th Street, like there's a lot of movies about somebody believing in Miracle. Hold the line. Miracle. Praying on their knees. Praying for the impossible thing. Yeah. And yeah, I think that we don't want that. Come on. Yeah. Aren't you a human? Yeah. Yeah, Well, dealing with impossible things and things that seem impossible. Yeah, Like they certain, I mean, is. Based on a limited scope. Well, what we're talking about trying to do our best every day. Because that's all you have, right? have doing your best. Okay, So if you're doing life like that, in my opinion, like you kind of like, get the most out of life out of every stage. So like, if you can enjoy your youth and then you can be ready to go to college and then you can be ready to get that first job and then you can be ready to climb that corporate ladder. And then all of a sudden you find yourself, you know, like with a long term partner and now you got the Escalade, but like also and you're like 35 with Escalade, with the partner, Don't be freaking out on me now. Like, life is enjoyable at that stage, too. I think that's the thing. Like. You freaking me. People get in this, you got to stay in the car like you got a midlife crisis. Something happens there, bro, Like. Yeah, What is that I seen it with. I have like. 6 to 7 scientific examples right now of that. I've been running this this viewership for like three years of men when they turn 50. 50. God. And at 50 definitely something happens you either something I don't know what it is I think it's maybe because the health really starts to become a thing. We're like, fuck. Like I am not the physical being that I used to be, but I ain't. I ain't going out. Like I got out like going out like that. So you got to like, cope with that somehow, you know what I'm saying? It becomes a real present factor on your brain. That's couple hundred thousand mile on as vehicle. A couple thousand miles on it. I hope you were changing the oil the whole time. Good ole ole, synthetic. Ole. Lucas. Yeah. What are the Hulk? The best oil. Is Pennzoil out of. Lucas Oil's Lucas Oil Stadium is a. Fucking. That's what I like it. Hang it. Something happens, though. Something be happening because I'm not. But it's hard. It's hard. Like I have anxiety about the future. I have FOMO. Like, I think those are natural things. Like you're worried, you're worried about your next move and you're worried you didn't make a good the best pass move. You're trying to win this game really bad. So I'm really emotional, invested in my moves. But like I'm saying, there's like this wave where sometimes like, yeah, me and Chris is relationship is so enjoyable now. It's like a good meal Like we're BJ's and the bazooka comes out. That's a real Texas thing if. You know those. Terms are fire gibberish. To a lot of people. We're at a local restaurant that does like a cookie. It is a Japan dessert. And as my sister's delicious, they smack we get our. PORZUCKI And I take one bite of this brownie. PORZUCKI With chocolate chunks and whipped cream and a little bit of ice cream melting over the cover. It's got a crisp outside and a soft inside. Get that thing right up in the spoon. And the first the first fucking thought that I have after I'm like. my God. I come back to reality and I. Think to myself, I wish I had a whole one of these that I have to share with you a piece. So I was, I was lying in my bed with this bazooka without any of the ice cubes so I could just eat it like that. And I don't know why. I was like, That's some fucked up shit, bro. Like, what the hell? You know? But it's somehow tied into like, I was like, this bazooka is going to end. I'm not going to get as much of that as I want. To enjoy it always by myself. It's easy. Come back to this bazooka and share it with grace. my guys. My eyes are bigger than my stomach. I'm worried. There's, like, a fear of missing out on satiation. I'm not sure what it is, bro. I couldn't even finish it. You know what I'm saying? I had four or five bites. I was like, all. Of the I'm still full from that meal rolling. But I think what I'm saying. Is maybe it's just me, but I don't think you ever. You ever. Interlude Grace told me that Hozier was going to play. Who? Hozier. h0zier. He's an artist. sure. Okay. His most popular hit is Take Me to Church. I was like, yeah, you know. that's a song. Yeah. sure. So? So Grace has tickets to go see that guy. And I'm like, Yo, I want fucking tickets just for that song. I'll wait in line. I'll do the concert too. I'm in church. I bet that song goes, no, it's. Live with like 10,000 people around you. Yeah, I was down. I'm down. Right, Right. That sounds cool. And like, then. Then the first thought that hit me, though, I got to that point and I'm like, man, this song would only be like 3 minutes long and I'll be so sad. Afterwards. I'd be like, man, can we just do it again? Can we please do that song back? Got it back. And he just moves on. His catalog is like, I know way bigger hits. Like, I guess I was like, way more not to see that song that's like 10,000 times something like this. I wrote it. Yeah, bro. That happens is unfortunate. But that's the nature I like instantly destroyed this. I was so excited. I was like, I'll do all the things for this thing. Heartbreak, because it's going to end eventually. And I think it's whatever that thing is in me, that's like I have a natural predisposition to like, ruin the thing in front of me because I'm worried it's going to end or because I don't think there's enough or because the social, the social setting in which I'm supposed to enjoy it and makes it less enjoyable than it would be if I were to enjoy it in the privacy of whatever constraints I want to be in. All of that shit's like neuroticism and dealing with life and the neuroticism. I should be like looking at all these different directions then like just right in the middle where you're supposed to. That's crazy. Yeah, I think that's what happens to some people. Those things like take over the fucking narrative, they take over the dominant force. They're more worried about something than they are enjoying the something. And that festers for years. And then you're like 40 and it's like you're not enjoying your forties. Yeah. Spending. Ah, I don't know, refined sips of I guess worry or not firing the synapse of like that enjoyment and just present moment chillin are good because the I guess there's always something you could be worried about or something you could like like look into or dive into mentally that's in your life somewhere or something that you could worry about. Your health is a big one for sure. Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's not a thing. I'm worried about my health too, and I still go to the gym. Yeah, whatever it is. People like worrying about something. Or you can, you can, you know, at any moment you can. Yeah. There's an appropriate amount of. Because if you don't, if I guess if you're not like nervous then like you don't care kind of like that that a a saying but you're definitely right because this is important. Yeah. This point of do your best because you have to try you have to do something. You have to spend time. That's. You had to spend time here. Right. You're in the game. It's going It's going. Yes, I agree it's happening. So that's the thing about life is also it's happening. It's happening. That's like more of a can right now. I just saw it as like it's a constraint. Like if you don't if you don't play, then the game gets out of hand on you and then you can like really easy jump back in and like have a new narrative. And you know, there's always a way for you to like, get back in the river of life and start, like. Blossoming and blooming. Yeah, there's flourishing, right? Yeah, that's so you just want into my brain pulled out. You find it, you found it. yes. so true, bro. So like. Always. But yeah, time is going and yeah. You don't. I don't know man is happening. I think that's why it makes me sad when people aren't enjoying their birthday because they're turning in like 40, 41, 42, and they're like, obviously wish they were so young or they're like, Man, fuck the aging process. That's their attitude. They don't always verbally say that, but something along those lines like, like this grown up shit or I don't want to have to be, Why? I think for me, I that's how I'm going to define like having lived a good life is that like I want to enjoy the thirties and enjoy the forties, enjoy the fifties, enjoy the sixties, and maybe when I'm 60 I'll be like, Dude, I came when I was 29, bro. I wish I go back there. So bad, but I think you're doing something wrong if you think that. Or that maybe. Yeah, yeah, maybe. It's like, of course you do. You know, saying, like, it's okay. It's like. It's like a true thing to empathize with that thought of, like, can't use is nice. But I think there's yeah, if you, if you do it too much or if you do it to the degree at which your kind of disrespect or disregarding where you're at now, it's like now is always perfect or it's always, you know, it's always beautiful. It's you can always enjoy it. Yeah. Enjoy the now for sure. I was like, Man, this is some good days. I was fucking pumping out some shit. I was pushing some fucking plates around. I mean, I'm. Pushing this perspective into the narrative right now. It this. But like, I was just thinking the other day when I was 16, I spent the summer of my mom's house. Okay? Which is, like, was kind of crazy. I was. I was about how it's crazy to live with my dad for all the school year and then to get to the summer. And they're like, All right, because we have this like, agreement through the court system where, like, obligated to send you to your mom's house for the summer. That's not how they put it to me, you know what I'm saying? But like, that's what happened. That was like, that's the nature. Yeah. So it was going. On, like, unavoidable. That was definitely going to happen in my story because of their story, you know what I'm saying? Okay. Yeah. So then I end up at my mom's house and I was just like, one of the best summers ever. I spent all day basketball with you. And then when I wasn't playing basketball with you, my mom was working from home in her office, and I just played Red Dead Redemption until I got bored. And then I watched House. There was like a house marathon all summer on this one, Channel nine, so I could just watch, like all. Summer. 3 to 5 episodes of House, like in order like Netflix esque almost was like two, three, four, five. Yeah. And it was just sick, bro. And by the end of the summer, I had seen like a couple of seasons of House and I'd be Red Dead Redemption and I'd bawled all summer and it was just sick, bro. And what is summer? Right? What is Summer Kid was like, man, I couldn't have it any better. Like, no, I'm just making up whatever I had. Whatever I wanted. You know what I'm saying? No obligation. my God. my God. Well, yeah. Teenage years. Old. High school. Yeah, 16. And I just got a car so I could drive. yeah. Balling. Get a fucking control. That's. I had the thought, like, I'm. Pissed off. And I want to go back and, like, relive that summer. Like, I want to go. Play role in my own life. Yeah. What a summer was that Only we get to when we saw Jay-Z and Kanye. What was that Later, I. Think that's when we were 18. I think we saw. Yeah, I think that was later. I actually think I was in college. I think you're a freshman. At Hunter College at. That point, but it was spring break. I can't remember. Yes, I was actually. I remember now. Okay. It was spring break. So I think you're home. Bam! Crazy. But yeah, either way, great summer house. So even to myself, I'm like, I got kind of sad. I was like, Man, I don't know if I'll ever fucking have a dope life. Six months that hit like that, You know what I'm saying? That was. A streak. That was a fucking streak. We went on an unprecedented run. Yeah, it was awesome. What a great summer. But then it hits me like, okay, so I'm watching like, Finding Nemo and it takes me back to, like, my kindergarten through fifth grade, this like, house that we lived in, that was like my parents moved to Texas in kindergarten and they split up right before I went to middle school. But we had a five year run. We were like really living like a family. We all right. It was fucking awesome. Okay. So I had this like what I describe as like a premium childhood experience from ages like 5 to 10. And like, I was reminiscing and thinking about how like, sweet those times were and like, basically just based on my youth to some degree. And then I thought about how we had another premium experience from like, you know, ages 15 to 18 when my mom got a new house with my stepdad. And they were really like high functioning. I mean, you know, who's high functioning all the time. But she was great. We had like, you know, a lot of love in at home. And it was another premium experience. So our mom, like in her story, went out of premium experience, regrouped pushed for more premium experience, recreate it. And then she was basically like, yeah, you can like I guess you told my sister you get as many tries as you're willing to try, like you're the one that stops trying. It's not like you run out of like attempts at, like love or life or home or a job or a career. Like as many times as you're willing to get up for it. Like, that's how many tries you get. And I was like, That's fucking hard. Can I get on an intro? Let's go. But all that to say, like, there's a lot of reasons why I feel like we get kind of, like, scared out of enjoying where we're at right now. Even myself, I'm like, reminiscing on these times. I'm like, Do those? Like, those times weren't that long ago, you know what I'm saying? Like, even living with Grace when I moved back to San Marcos and I was training for the marathon and driving to salt grass, and when I was hanging out with her, I was like, Man, that was such a like, great, great span of life. I streaming a little bit here and there we were. Yeah, Warzone was out, We were dominating like such a fucking doper. I wrote New Era in that era. That's like one of my favorite songs that everyone just slapped and like. Fucking We're born, We're born. But I can tell. It's hard to appreciate it when you're in it. It's a crazy. Thing. It was even that long ago. Just the washing machine. Yeah, It's like I was just thinking about that. That scene in the office where I think it's Andy, He's like, they should. Someone should write a song about the good old days. Like enjoying the good old days when you're in them before they become the good old days. He's like, always Someone would tell you that the good old days before. Before they're over. Yeah. He's like, So let's make a song about that. When he says that it. Hits you in your heart, you're like, man, it's so. True. You know? Yeah, yeah. It's one of the best scenes from the office, I think. Is beautiful, man. Yeah, so beautiful. But I'm telling you, But I'm preaching this gospel right now. I feel really, like, inclined in my heart to like, Yeah, yeah. Push this message out. That, like, you're just a nature. Maybe it's just like, the inherent thing that we have to deal with. Yeah. Like a fleeting nature of reality, The fleeting nature of anything. Of everything. Yeah. The nostalgia perception and the memory of a good experience. Through this human perception, it seems like. I guess we do die. These humans do die. For sure. That happens. What happens beyond that? It's like the great mystery. You know, hypothetically, who knows who really knows for sure. But I guess there is a kind of a maybe kind of attached nature to the life and the death that comes with it. It is. Everything is kind of fleeting. Yeah. We can enjoy everything. Or like at any given moment. That's the thing about this initial process. I'm like, you get to a point where you're like, Yeah, cool with that? Like that's that sits well with you and like, something about the rhythm of life. Like you can be on beat with it. It's like the song keeps going forever. I can ever like, my gosh, it's like, but just get on with it. You gotta be able to like, expect and let go and be cool with like, this part of it. And within that there's its own magic, Like there's its own thing there. That's, there's more cake inside the cake. Yeah. It's really there. Yeah. Sex surrendering, you know, And to a degree, at least in the idea of surrendering your attachment to the current moment, it's like in general, yeah, it's like whatever God's will be done and try to enjoy the whole thing. That's keys. The inner peace with just the shoulder. Right click that. That's beautiful, man. Yeah. There's a lot that goes along with that man because like, yeah, discipline is freedom, you know, surrender to the discipline to like, just like, because you can't just surrender. This is be me, like 100% surrender. Like, literally I'm like, on the ground sprawled out, never leaving this spot, you know, I'm saying. And eventually dying there probably. Like that's full surrender. So like. Ultimately, like I have to also have discipline in there because, like, discipline is freedom. But surrender also feels like it's like freedom to somewhere in there, you know, there's some kind of attachment to that. Yeah, it's like floating, you know, or just like. Among. You know, like ghost mode. Yeah, it's like I'm, I'm going to be carried, like, through this, this river. Yeah. So float through it. It's like floating into quicksand, like running in. Place, Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. You're getting yourself more stuck or whatever. Freaking out. Yeah. I think it's like, Yeah, like maybe the, the combination of the surrender and then also the surroundings, the discipline, which is like the creative order and structure, or maybe the maybe one of the key stats and traits that lead to are order and structure. So if we're able to have the ability to build with order and structure through discipline and then also the surrender of it's like the moment and then like the, the, the dead, the ragdoll nature of surrender and just like to the fullest degree, he was like. No musculature involvement whatsoever, just ragdoll dead weight just being carried through life. Yeah. You know saying it's like ultimate lack of form and structure, like form in structure. Yeah. But both of them have like the maybe the commonality of what's like surrendering, like vowing to it to a degree, like giving it power, the respect what is like, like surrendering to an idea or surrendering to something. It's like given up your will and I give it up. It will, yes. So letting it consume you to the fullest degree. Yeah. Like I give up no outward energy expenditure, saying I'm just voting yes. Open, open to anything. Yeah. Maybe surrendering abstractly to what I've said. It's like ideas, the behaviors. What do you vow to? It's hard, bro. Yeah, it's like worship almost. Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes it's. I think it's your own. It's your own will that's in the way that you're not surrendering. You know what I'm saying? In this actual. I keep thinking about it like a king surrendering a castle. So it keeps populating my mind when you're, like, describing this, like ultimately being willing to, like, not put up a fight against, like, you're whatever God would tell a king. You know what I'm saying? Because, like, there's a nature of a king, I guess, like on everything. And to me, the decision maker. And then there's like a like a power trip involved with that or like some kind of nature to think that you have to have this perspective that no one has and you got to make sure you're making the right move for your like country more or less. But like then if God tells you to do something in like, can you put that away to do that? You know what I'm saying? Can you sacrifice your own? Well, yeah, Yeah. Can you surrender your own will to whatever you think? God, your interpretation of what God's telling you to do. And to do that would. Yeah. I mean, it's crazy. If it's crazy, it's. It is like worship or consumption or like, who do you bow to? This is, this is. I like looking at it from all the angles. Yeah. I guess that it also comes into the play of the question like who do what do people and how do people interpret their own inner dialog or, you know, like if they were to. Go and. Receive message or like, you can't make any sort of form of communication with God, it's going to come through your life and your interpretation of thought and tangible reality. So like your perception of what's going on, it's like, how do you I guess how do we how do we people have their own thought of what they're thinking about or like their own thought of how things play out and their own relationship and idea and sort of understanding of what God is or like what is generating this whole experience. Everyone's kind of everyone thinks something about God, you know, same, whether it's religious, they have a religious affinity or they are agnostic or atheist or Scientologists or whatever it is, we all have to deal with a think about existence, what's going on here? What's going on here? Y'all did your best. Anyone know on the playground as a kid? We like, believe in God. I believe in God. I think we got to. But just saying like, well, where we you really like, know, What do you mean you can't know? I'm like, I'm just saying here. I remember these conversations as a kid. Really? Yeah. You know, I figure what's going here that's happening. With your kids on a playground and some of them are like. The fuck is this, bro? We're in school right now. How do we get here? Yeah, yeah. she's. Asleep. Do you think. There's a heaven or. Something like that, Right? Yeah. Well, how is that? We die. Yeah, right. That's the question. That's a. That's a big. One. Yeah. That's a, that's a question I said as a kid mostly just like, is there a heaven? But I think that's the question is like, is this. Everything? But it dies over? Yeah, I was. When we die, how did we get here at all? And what happens when we leave? Yeah. It was like the two questions that we're all dealing with and like, a subconscious level, right? Everyone's dealing with, and I'm just in my own. I'm on my. My idea out there spitball. And I think that, yeah, like the thing that generated the entirety of, like, even the possibility of this happening, the possibility of us having experience that came from somewhere, something is responsible for this. Like someone made this. I think Katt Williams said it it or express it in a way on the on The Joy Rock show where he's like to say there's no like creators who say that like, no one created these cameras or this TV or this sofa. Like, what do you mean? Of course I'm created like, it's right. Like, what are you talking about? It's right here. Yeah, I like I like that sentiment. It's not like a proof because it's like, I guess he's out. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? But yeah, bro, like, just the way that, you know. Abstractly it makes sense to me. Yeah. 100%. One that like oxygen and lungs and trees and carbon dioxide. Yeah, whatever, bro. Whatever made that or whatever created this thing. Whatever is going on there. I think it's also in your head, like you have your own dialog and that thing also is in your head and populates you with ideas and maybe helps steer emotions or steer. I don't know, you know what I'm saying? But I think there is influence. Sure. Yeah. I think there's something there. I think there's something there. But then like that's just like my own objective interpretation. So yeah, so it's like everyone else has their own. There's 8 billion other interpretations of what's going on here. I'm sure a lot of us overlap in many, many, many things. Drives your ideation. That you just don't want to look foolish. What if you're going to. Believe in a God because you're afraid of being duped? And I'm saying. Like. Yeah, to to buy all into something. Yeah. To be like, I got scammed. But with my. This life scammed me. This whole scam to make this whole scam, this whole scam to me, who wouldn't be afraid of that? Fuck them. Yeah, that's rude. So scamming people. Difficult to do that for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Literally, those give up your life. You know what drives their interpretation? That's part of the thing going on there. People want control. People do it. Because it's true. Fucking life. It's like the opposite of surrender, you know? It's like I. Go down without a fight. I like it like that. Yeah. Believe this very need that my city, you know. Yeah, yeah. 100% Is your city. Yeah, I like Dame Dame Little game winner. at the buzzer beater five Spirit Trust keeper. yeah No. Well there's a, there's a fucking metric. What drives interpretation. What drives interpretation. they said if feel like my objective reality is rooted in some of the stuff I think about abstractly, you know, it's like that's hard. To write actually. Because yeah, people, scientists would think that you have to be able to measure. You can't measure the abstract. Can't do it. But that's as a kid or like someone trying to be duped there it was fucking. Okay. That's what I'm. Yeah. You don't want to be tricked or feel lied to. Yeah. And you're like, be wrong. The scientific community is rooted in these things. No one is wrong on purpose. You know what I'm saying? You're right. Who would want to do that? Idiot? Not even idiots and idiots. Yeah, I believe so. Yeah. No one I really thought. Was the wrong. No one's wrong on purpose. Yeah, They're their own conscious choice. Yeah, right. I don't know. I'm thinking about now. I'm expanding that. That's like populating more things in my mind. The the next thought level that came to me and said, Guru said there is no right or wrong. So it's like, is is a wrong choice ever wrong choice? It's like a person grows into the person. They're going to become like a tree grows into a tree. They don't ever tell a tree that it's growing wrong. It's just like growing. So like to put negative connotation to anybody. It's like missing the mark is not Zen. That was that guru thing. That's hard to wrap your mind around or like, it's not like I apply that to my life every day. Just sometimes I'm like, There's no right or wrong. He's going in. Yeah, he's not. I don't know. He's really defensive when he talks, though, like on Joe Rogan. I feel like he had his he was playing like walk down defense on the conversation. I was like, Why don't you slap in the floor on Joe Rogan? Joey Rose It made me says. yeah, I think I remember feeling something, some energy like that when I was listening to it. That's a that's a oldie but goodie. Yeah, for sure. Back in the day, Joey wrote. Yeah. So anyways, I feel like we you can enjoy life at all phases. We can. We should. Yeah. I don't know though. I'm not sure because I guess on one level I do. I can see and empathize with the idea of there is no right or wrong or like there is just like objective reality or like life is just happening. But at the same time, I don't know. I do think there is like good and evil, you know, same I guess, because if with that sentiment, there is no right or wrong, there is no good and evil. Right. Is that kind of what you're saying? Because I think good and evil exist. I think. Do you think so. If it's like a particular sad group would say he'd have terms for them that were less. Like all polarizing. Yeah. Polarizing. He'd be like, there is, I don't know. I don't know. People doing. Yeah. People doing what people do. Yeah. What is sad. Yeah. Tell me sad. Yeah. Explain it to me. Sad because it seems like if you are like, willfully doing wrong on purpose, I think that's common. Atrocities go off, you know, sad. Yeah. Yeah. We talk about it through cruel and unusual things were happening. Yeah. In the Bible, it's like super similar to all the cruel and unusual stuff like murder and robbery and, like, rape and, like, all that shit's, like, timeless, you know what I'm saying? The common atrocities, for sure. Because we're human. It's like part of the human experience to some degree. Yeah. And the nature of evil being in our story throughout time, Right? Is that what we're describing? Something? That's right. That's. That sounds like there's a lot on the money to me. I don't know. Argue about that, because I do. I don't know. I can see it for both sides. I can see it. But I do just inherently, I think, on a more foundational, deeper sober, more primary level, I think that is good and evil was what's going on here. You know, I'm saying. Yeah, I do. I do. I do, too. I think you're trying to hit the mark. I think everybody wants to hit the mark. Who doesn't want to hit a bullseye? It's like in our nature to want to hit the bullseye. But there's and then there's like two forces out there. To some degree, this is like the root of religion to some degree. It's like God calling us like forward and giving us a path and like trying to help us hit the bullseye like a good coach. Sometimes it's like my fucking reference point. And then there's someone sitting next to you telling you that like, it would be more advantageous. You would enjoy life more. It would be easier. There's another way to do this, a simpler way to do this. And it involves just not playing the game of hitting the bullseye. Like just you don't have to do all that. Just just a negative energy. Just kind of always trying to tell you some bullshit to like, make you not lock in and play your best and like, hit that hit the target and like, just putting it like that, like it's crazy how we we go from that to getting good and evil, you know what I'm saying? Because I don't think anybody wants to be evil per se. Like I'm saying, who doesn't want to hit the mark? Like. Yeah, some people are going to grow into evil trees like that is like predetermined. They're going to grow into evil trees. I mean, it's abuse and trauma, right? That's that's what makes these people like that. I think God could change the forest, you know? See, they could change the forest. They could make it a desert. He could do whatever doesn't. Whatever metaphor we want you on. Definitely. Some people say it takes a lot of time. I'm like the Holy Spirit and fucking because you got to be working towards it, man. I don't know you. I don't know. People have been working towards their whole life. I've been trying to work on the statue of David. I saw my mind as a kid this whole time. I'm still not there. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's still going. We're still pushing. I'm getting close sometimes, but I feel like I've been working on it for 20 years, so I don't know people that are working on it. Do you find yourself like at a very little place mentally and you need to have some like come to Jesus moments or you need to have the Holy Spirit fill your temple, but fill it too. What like what's your what's your maximum output of energy? Like, who are you? Maybe those blueprints are always inside of you, right? So maybe, like, I'm like this. Do these people have, like, this elevated vision for themselves of who they would be like? Do they have a. Yugi or a. Yu-Gi-Oh inside of you? You know what I'm saying? I think so. Right. Naturally. I think that's the nature of this thing. Yeah. The ideal version of you. Yeah. That exists. Like the Christ. Like the most Christ. Like version of you. Yeah. The most the best timeline. Say, like. The you who's hit you. The the you whose death still crashing every day. Yeah. Yeah. Being your unique of yourself and and enjoying the rewards and benefits of the DNA that's got you this far like you're obvi everyone here is a superstar winners. Yep actually winners you're your genes made it. Through We made it through the craziest of times All of that all of the time. All of it. We made it through all of it. And we're here. We are. That's why it's like I think everyone is. Neal in that sense. That's one reason why that's easier to like. Digest is like everyone's the one. Like we're all nasty. There's no way you got this far. You would have been not selected by nature. Yeah. We're nasty, bro. And thinking about we're like divinity in disguise, bro. You know what I'm saying? For real. And our life is the alibi. You know what I'm saying? I'll think about that. The other day in my work, I was like, that's hard. And it's like, I can't be. I can't be. Just like this. I can't be the creator. I can't be part of the divine. I'm just a human who's doing this day to day. I woke up in a bed walk, body, all this stuff that's like, all that just. It's an alibi. You're both. That's the hottest shit I've heard in a minute. That's harder than anything Derek put on his eyes up. that belongs on 8 a.m. in Charlotte. Yeah. Divinity in the skies. And life is an alibi. Crazy dude bars. Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's in there. Yes. So that's the thing. You want Rapper death hit the hit it. Hit the gym. Yeah. Which one do you want to go right now. Yeah. Or you're trying to work it to. Yeah. I was saying we could live rent. Yeah, I guess we shut it down. if any. Any final thoughts down, Do your best. Yeah, that's. It's always the most this to throw a squad. Do your best. Enjoy you enjoy every your fucking birthdays, bro. All of them. Enjoy all of them. Seriously. All of them. Yeah. I think there's. We can find enjoyment throughout the entirety of your experience here. That's what we're here to do. We're here to win, but it's like a fine line to wrestle here. I think we're here to enjoy and here to learn. More than anything. Yeah, more than anything. Enjoy where you learn the best in the way you enjoy the best, the I my my scientific life experience. Just by doing your best, doing those, doing your best that allows you to learn the most and enjoy the most. I think both. You can enjoy a cold drink at the end of the night. That's you enjoy that, right? But also like there's there's the enjoyment you can get from life can be like exponentially way greater if you just have like a good life. It's like you're having that cold in like the place you want to have it at. Yeah, like a cold drink after a hard day's work. Yeah, right. Versus like, things are falling apart and that cold drink is kind of an escape from your responsibilities, and it's a different enjoyment level, you know what I'm saying? Same exact item. Yeah, same exact action. Right. What's the story, though? Yeah. Really? Really. So what's the the highest level when you say enjoy life, I'm like, I think we enjoy it like that. Like, try to. So you got to try your best so you can enjoy it maximally. The best movie, the best script, the best outcome. Hell yes. Let's go. Watch P, Push the P. Come on, push the plates. Got to go. We got to go. Make the get it in. Well, have you seen Easter. By