Episode #50

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On this Episode of The MJ38 Show (Podcast):

Matthew and Justin talk about The Marathon, “Baby Reindeer”, and Being Christ-Like

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0:01

So yeah. For instance, like. Marathon. And the marathon, I can just tell you off that there's like moments, parts of that marathon that like compile what that race was so like at mile like 6 or 7, there was, a line of people celebrating, veteran soldiers who had died in combat. Yeah. There was a portion of the of the marathon. it was the what is it, rock and roll marathon or. I don't even know, whatever it is. That was sort of. Yeah, yeah. In San Antonio, full marathon, 26.2. Half marathon 13.1. But somewhere in that first couple miles, there was a dedicated stretch of, like, Memorial ties. Like. Yeah, San Antonio's definitely a military town. Yeah. So it was like on Veterans Day how sometimes, like a school program will have like, Like a Veterans Day program dedicated to those fallen soldiers. And it was like that. But that's what I had in my memory of, like, to understand what was going on, cause I was just on a run, you know what I'm saying? Then you I kind of walked into this was like, oh, wow, this is crazy. Yeah. Everybody ran a little faster than that for. For real, bro. The emotional like because it's like at first you just identify what's going on. Oh, okay. I get what's going on, and then you just see all these people after people after. People, because there's a lot of people on, on the, on the whole, within without the whole or throughout the whole track, the whole mileage. People are like cheering, cheering on the runners. Yeah. But this one, there's a whole bunch extra people and you're like, what's going on here? Yeah. They're all I think they're most people were in blue. and so at any rate you like put it together and then. Yeah mostly charge you up because it was just like, wow. Now we run it. No, no, we run, run, run, run. What is that skin? It's getting that boost from the other side. Yeah. If you allow yourself to get there. Right. Unless you're cynical. Fuck. You hate the government views. Yeah, I don't know. Getting that charge on the other side or. It's like the idea of the fallen, you know. Yeah, I think because I think that's what it was for me to. A lot. Of them, everyone who can't do this. Right now. Yeah. Yeah. If you allow yourself to get there. And, and the emotional connection between the people that were standing there and. Like, yeah, I'm sure like family members and stuff. Yeah. And what are they doing there? They're like watching, supporting me running. Like I'm doing like, a really hard thing. Yeah, yeah. And they're just like, keep going. Or like, it's not like they're it's just they're just cheering. They're like. Oh I it's like I'm excited for you. Like I'm rooting for you. Do rooting. For you. Yeah yeah. Yeah. It's just. One that's. Like positive upward cheer. Yeah. Towards you. They're excited and they're happy and they're like it's claiming that it's a worthy ideal encouraging. They're like go go go. Yeah yeah. So I think that's why it's easier to run the race. The first half marathon I don't even like feel it at all. And I just think it's because there's so many people cheering you on and it's just like, oh, it's like a whole big thing is happening. So you get. Like crazy event, extra. Adrenaline. You're like, oh shit. Like, Like stepping into a coliseum and be like, whoa, you know what I'm saying? Like a lot of extra juice going through your veins. so I think, like, that part of the marathon. That's why that race is easier. Running 26 miles without anybody cheering you on is a lot different run than the first. Yeah, 13 miles of that marathon because it was just so easy. Just like don't want to let anybody down. Just like get your outfit on and you're you're really proving your point. Here's going off. Yeah. Yeah. 13.1 was like a great race. That's a good race, dude. 26 that 26.2 is a bitch. That's crazy I did it. But just to like be fair to all the runners in the world, I definitely wasn't quite there. Like in the training to run the full marathon. I did it, you know what I'm saying? I finished. Yeah, yeah. And there's also a part of you that can do will do it. Sometimes when I'm working out with you, I'm not like strong enough to be doing the way that I'm doing. But there's sometimes there's a thing inside of me that's like, more powerful than, like, my strength. Your physical. Limitations. Yeah. And it's like, no, we're gonna we're going to risk injury to, like, do this thing, and you got to draw from all these places. And just, like, fun and like, that's it. Yeah. But I don't know how often you should use that because it's like, you have you have governors for a reason, you know. Yeah. You don't want hurt yourself. You don't want to hurt yourself. Yeah. It's too bad. Sometimes I wonder if me being sick this past like month or two from my stomach is just me going, like. Too much in the gym that you have a lot of grit. A lot of grit reps. Yeah. So, oh, your grits coming out in the marathon. Bruh. Laying it all in the one I managed to finish. I threw 13 was easy. Like I said, like. And you said too, that it was just nice. Like. Yeah, you felt good after that. Yeah, it was great. It was like it was definitely challenging. It was the furthest I'd ever run the friends before. That was ten miles. So because I was, you know, we were like training in prep for it. So I was like ready. You know, I was like mentally ready. I was like, oh, I could do, I could do it like that. I think I did 12. I think 12th May have been the most ever did. And then I think I just went went into the race and I'll say, okay, I could do this. I going up this up. Yeah. But yeah, I definitely got tiring and taxing towards the end. I need some of that pickle juice. I needed some more sleep the night before. Some more water the day before. wasn't quite I. We trained and we ran, but yeah, we because we worked the night before and we it was back when we were working the closing shift, so we got out late, you know what I'm saying? getting out at 130 plus and drive home and get ready to go to sleep and wake up races early in the morning. So we weren't 100% physically prepared, but, I guess, and due to that, it was kind of hard towards the end, like towards like mile ten plus and then you the aid stations, I was hitting them then pickle juice is in the bananas and water, all that shit. Give me the Gatorade. Gave me the little pouches with the little jellies. Slurp them up, bro. Give me some. Sheesh. Yeah, it's cool that they had those people. They're really cool, right? So much support, bro. Yeah, super nice. But it was definitely at the end of it. Finished. And then it was it was like a little recovery period. I feel fine. Legs are a little bit crazy. It was a good race, a solid two or. Yeah I don't know, two and a half. Hours. Or so, maybe a little bit less like two hours and change. Yeah it's great. Yeah. That's a good like that's great. It's not crazy. It's not a crazy race. Like two hours is pretty. Oh, it's like a super long workout with the warm up and cool down, you know? Yeah, it's an hour and a half hour and a half workout with a 15 cooldown. 15 warmup. That's doable. You do. Two hours. You can do that tomorrow. Okay. Yeah, I would hit that in college all the time. Don't even think about it. Exactly. You know, so it's like that's like a reasonable, relatively reasonable amount to to run. But then to double that it's like, oh fuck bro. That's a different you doing something different. That's a different beast. You doing some different. it's cardio too hard. Anybody wants to do cardio at all. It gets boring sometimes. It gets. So boring. Gets boring out there. Yeah, I have a fire playlist. Fire playlist helps. Having just a. Podcast. Like being able to daydream while I'm running, it was like my biggest power or being able to not be in my body while my body's running. That's the thing. So my playlist needs to, like, help me transcend to like, if the playlist isn't like right, then I won't come out of my body. Yeah, you to love the songs. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Lazy bangers. Whatever a banger. Is for you. Anyway. What says with the saxophone? Women, man. And I know you know everything else. I'm talking like it's like a famous TikTok song. I think. I know, I think I know you're talking about, I'm sure was cause. It seems so. Long, man. Anyways, that song for me, just like, for whatever reason, I'm just like, blue free. I'm not. I'm just like, outside of, like, makes you want to cry, but also makes me like, feels like got the Holy Spirit into my body. So I'm just like. And if you can do that while you're running, it's like you're not really running that much anymore. It's more about just like feeling free, like almost like you're dancing, but you're running big time. The dancing energy is crucial. Yeah, because if I could just. I could have run that every time I ran a really long distance. I realized somewhere down the line, like, did you gotta stop taking these hits? Like, there's just too much like, okay, we got gotta get out of my body a little bit and just start thinking about something. Start daydreaming about something like. Sometimes I would just imagine this place in Miami where it's like, I can just like describe it to you because it's like an inner fortress that I would go to. Nice. But it's like a club, but the club has like an outside portion or it's all outside. It's like not really a roof and it's just like whatever song is playing in my headphones is playing in that club. And I'm just like, literally dancing in that club. Yeah, it's a times I'll be like, you know, just hanging out. My mom. Like Maddie. Dancing my mom Miami, Maddie just chillin. And sometimes I'll be like, thinking about just like, wanting to vacation in or wanting to escape. Like, all the pain or whatever. All the troubles of life, all of the difficult step by step things we have to do. Like you just go be Miami Maddie thing. But tonight the music feels. So now I'm just getting groovy with it. And it was developing that skill was a, that's it's weird because it's running, but I'm saying that, like, it was more of a mental thing. Yeah, it's like meditation. Yeah, to a degree. I think maybe you, have part of the same goal in mind in meditation, which is to separate yourself from your human, like your body, and then identify more with the observer and the consciousness and, and, like, start to identify that separation between the two. It's like, oh, shit, this body is just breathing. You know. This is raisin. You don't have to think about it. You could if you want to, but it's just breathing. Like it's just no matter. What you're going to be thinking about. Are doing. It's just gonna be breathing the whole. Time. Don't have to worry about that just happening. And then like when you're meditating, you're like kind of watching that happen. You're like, oh, this thing is just kind of breathing. Who am I then? What's going on with this thing? Hello. And then like, that's separation I think. Yeah. You're talking about being able to transcend to that place. And music can take you there. All kinds of things can take you there. But that other place or that mental abstract realm that's not the physical, tangible. That place you can get that. Yeah. Try to dance your way. There's like, yeah. Feeling good. Yeah. Because that being in your body when you're running for that long, it's like boring for one. And then fucking relatively painful depending on who knows what. You know, you could have fucked up your ankle the day before on the run or whatever, or you got someone in your back or whatever's going on. Yeah, ideally you're not feeling any of that. Adding 26 miles to that. Not no no dude. Yeah 13 was great. And then as in between 16 and 17, like my whole body just locked up. Like there was just a moment I felt like the Grim Reaper came up next to me and then was just like, jogging with me. I was like, oh yeah, you're running a marathon. And I was like, yeah, bro, just fucking just ripped the blinker. I'm on team bro. I'm feeling grand, bro. Yeah, like. That's how I that's tight. Okay. Yeah. You've been like running the weekends. Like, this is actually how your body actually feels. And then it just, like, took all my muscles cramped up like all at once. And I was like. Oh my. Gosh. I just like, did some lunges. Oh. Dying stretched the kids, stretching it out. Stretch it. Out. And I just like, told myself to not stop. Like don't stop to a walk. Like just find ways to stretch it out and keep going forward because like, and then at that point I saw somebody laying on the ground and somebody else was like, had their leg up to the sky, you know what I'm saying? And they're like laying in some. Leaves just like, oh, sweet man, they're falling soldiers, dude. Fuck it. I was just like, oh no, this is like when it happens or like to the normies, maybe it's. Yeah. Some shit's happening here. Because it was appalling to me that 13 miles was easy. I think the most I've done, I definitely done 12. Maybe I done 16, but that was the hardest I'd gone. It definitely has. I thought about going with 16, and 13 was so easy or not so easy, but there was no toll. I was like, oh man. That was fun. I like that, like, we're cool, keep going. Yeah. And it's like, then this is like. Oh, this thing. Is dead. And then I drank like bananas and pickle juice and everything, man. So like parts of the run that I remember, like I remember the, the, the fallen soldier stuff. I remember the 13 mile mark. I remember getting ripped by the grim Reaper because it was just such a weird feeling of like, it's like I felt reality be like Matthew. Like your adrenaline is going to wear off here in like, 30s, you know? And, There's a reason why it's felt so easy, so long. And then you're about to feel why the what the difference is there. And I was just like, what are you talking about? God. God. And then and the next one I remember for sure is there was like a couple and I was running like outside of everyone else in the race. I was running like my time. And then like, if you just saw me on like a map going like this towards the finish. And then there was this couple, if you just add their fucking existence into that map, they would like, run for a while and then cramp, one of them would cramp and then I would like pass them, and then they would, like, get up and start running and their pace would naturally catch them, like back up to me and then catch this. I'm sorry. Yeah. There's a freaking fruit fly right here. Get them. I almost got it. My instinct is to kill those things. Now I'm. Getting. I mean, that thing Miyagi. And so. They're. Fucking. They would cramp up, and then they would recover and then keep going. Yeah. And their pace was faster than me, which is fine. I don't really care. But like, I couldn't not, like, witness them because they were like running right at our pace was just like together for like 3 or 4 miles. And I was just like, man, I just don't want to stop. I just don't want to stop. And I was like, it's crazy that, like, they're both suffering so bad. I saw, like, the guy cramp up and then she's got to help him, and then she cramps up and he's got to help her. And then, just like trading the sun for a perfect metaphor. Yeah. What a perfect metaphor for relationship. For the fucking foster children of relationships in that race. Anyway, I knew I feel like I was witnessing it, like, you know, you saw it. Like I was like, man, they, like, must love each other. Like they. Got to be. Married. Neither one of them is bitching at the other person about what they're going through at all. And that was the impressive thing. I was like, they're just fucking. I her suffering. The. Suffering, taking turns. Suffering. Suffering. Dude. That's crazy. Yeah. And then I think there was a point where I finally like, because I started to push my pace back, too. I was like, you got to stop. Like I was like, deep in the running. I was running around ten minute miles, and then I got to like 12 million miles, probably at some point. And at that point I'm running like an 18, 20 minute mile because I'm like, Penny jogging just was walking. Yeah. Then my my leg, my calf cramp would go away and you're like, okay, we recovered a little bit 18% better, 18% better. Start seeing my body like the fallout schematics. Yeah. And I'm like, I need to recoup. This body so I can make a push here again. And then there was like, yeah. Then at mile 20, this lady, now this at mile 23, this lady was like. You're almost done. You're almost done. Like you're almost done. Just keep going. And I was like, oh my God, she's right. Like in the grand scheme of things, I am almost done here. And that's what I was just like, okay, I'm, I start like trying to run again. And I went from like, you know, am I worse running like a 18 minute mile for a couple miles back up to like 12 minute mile mark and then finish with like a ten minute mile. But yeah, when I think about that race, that's really all I remember. It's like those like five different moments during that race where things had to change or. Yeah. Until you're like five, five. How long? Five plus. Yeah, I think like that's such a long time to run. Yeah. Five hours and 15 minutes, maybe five hours and 30 minutes. and that's ridiculous. That's that's such a long time. That is such a long time. Dude, I crushed the 30 miles the first 15. My pace was, like, at least ten minutes a mile, like, right on pace where I want it to be. Yeah. And then I just got destroyed. I had like, 4 or 5 really bad miles and that's what I was, was suffering with that fucking couple over there. In the fucking Reaper. Bro. I felt some of the Reaper two because I got hit with, the Hills. Man, the hill's going too fast up a hill. and it took my quads. Just took the quads. Go by. Too much damage to the quads. Yeah. You can't be. You can't be. Really have so much. You leave so much armor on, guys, till it's just. It's gone. It's done. These bodies, they'll fail on you. You can have all the will in the world. But man, yeah, that's crazy what you're saying. To start it off, you're saying that that was, you're translating the miles or like, the feelings of the race. So you had to like downtime. They just did. Naturally. I think that's one thing that I hope happens to everybody, but it definitely happens for me. And it helps me to like, kind of define what I'm going through. Hopefully. But like my life for us, early on, I felt like I realized that trying to start your own business or for us like trying to make the podcast and the music go big felt like a marathon because it was just like a really long thing that we it's a lot of work, you know. And you can't expect a payout to happen like right away. So just frame me like that helped me to understand like I need to have pace and good tempo in my life life. So that way I'm not like freaking out that I'm not having the success that I want as fast as I want it, that I like. You know, I was translating it already. And then different points in our journey felt like different places in the marathon once I started to conceptualize it like that. and there was times where I was like, yeah, man, it just feels like this is where, you know, the Reaper. Like, took my legs and I feel like really drained and really exhausted right now. And we're just doing a lot. But I know that I can, like, get back to the other side and get good pace again. And then I'll be sitting in that moment and I'll be like, yeah, whenever I was really going off like all summer, like 3 or 4 months ago, that was kind of like when I was going through the phone soldiers thing, and you could have all this juice and just like, shit. And then people are kind of like, whoa, man, hey, you don't want to. Now I realize they're like, hey, man, you got to say you need some of that juice for later. I was like, booking is running my best. Mile through that. Thing. Yeah. Like, man, like. I don't even want to take that away from me, you know what I'm saying? This is like, that's a fun, Like, a little charge to. Yeah. Wish they had that towards the end. That'd be nice for sure. But you know, regardless. Yeah, I think part of the marathon probably is like suffering more than you thought you were going to suffer, too. I think that's like part of what that thing is, you know. maybe, you know, and that's probably why I like ultramarathons and that kind of shit exists for people who's like, run the 26 under, like, right? And keep going. Like, David Goggins is running 100 mile races and shit. And saying, dude. Fucking. 250 mile races. I are Ironman. Yeah. His ultra Ironman Truest Fitness accolade is that he ran like ten ultramarathons like ten months and then took first place in a lot of I think he like ran the first one and got second place and then went on a run of like dominance. Yeah. And then to run that many miles and not many months is like, it's just ridiculous, bro. Because people will train all year for ultra marathon. So he's going against somebody who's trained all year for this big moment. And he just did 130 days ago. And you can't recover that fast. You can't. so like. Absolute freak. He's gonna move your ways. He's a freak. He's pushed the upper limits of the separation between the body and the mind. Yeah, he's done the thing. He's pushing the. Fucking limits, bro. He's gotta paying the price. His knees are fucking destroyed. Oh, God. The fucking destroying. God knows how he's going to be in a couple of years. Dude, I know, and I'm just like. Well, I just want my knees to be fucking destroyed, that's all. Yeah, he's still bodies, bro. These fucking meat suits that were stuck in. It's our it's our perception machine. It's the thing that allows us to experience. Experience. But the machine is the temple of Doom. The machine. Ultimately fails. Yeah. We're going on a run. We're going on a run. You gotta. You know, that runs gotta come to an end. In the run. Eventually. Even if you finish first. Oh, man. Yeah, enjoy the most of it. Fucking joy. That's the highest capacity you can. Well, I guess you could sit around and play fucking Call of Duty all day. This is my inner war coming out. Of course, of course. Of course. But, like, dude, you know what I'm saying? You got to go on a run. Like, what are we doing? You know what I'm saying? The fuck are we doing here? Yeah, I guess you can see both sides of the argument at the same time of, like, it's it's it's a rigged game. The game is rigged. We're going to lose, so why even bother? You know. I'm just like, go on, come on, man, because fuck it man, because fuck a rigged game dog. I'm Rick James bitch. Yeah, because you're on her. Greatness is touchable. I've seen people touch it. I've seen people also. It's like hard working, dynamic people with this crazy mindset because that's that's what it seems like. Those people could become successful. So you can see the fucking bell curve of all of the negative thoughts that you're feeling. It's like, yeah, well, everybody feels this way too. No wonder hardly anybody successful, you know what I'm saying? It's a lot of shit. You got to get over and create thought weapons against em. Like the doubt. The mental jujitsu. Pull out the fucking John Wick for the mental doubt, bro. Miyagi, bro. Okay, can you get in here? And this dojo. Yeah, man. But I understand. I understand. Why. It's. It's a big game. Like it's a big game. Yeah, I guess you could say in every sense more or less like the entirety of life in every aspect. Or it's like your body's going to deteriorate, you're going to die and, like, be able to take any of your possessions with you in, like, you're. Everything's gonna be done eventually. But then there's like the I. Don't I don't see how why why bother. That's a good question. Fair point. Nihilists. Fair point. Because your soul's craves it. There's some. Yeah, exactly. There's like there's we're made to this is what we're made for. We're made to to fight that. Right. I think. the other day I was thinking about it like my body that just like, breathes. Feel like. Matthew. The soul came into this like breathing machine. Yes. And was like, I got a I got a directive here. We're gonna get some shit done. Okay, bro, I'm going to give you a ton of conviction and a bunch of, like, passion. And I'm going to put dreams in your heart and I'm going to, like, make you really give a fuck. Like, unfortunately for you, you won't be happy unless you work with me cooperatively to get what we need done. And then I'm the person and I'm the fucking animal that was just like. Boop, do do do do do as. It just came. Into consciousness with like an angel. And now I'm like, have to follow the will of of Christ and and God and stay on the right path. So that way, like my dreams can come true. That's a crazy thing to conceptualize. That's a lot to ask of anybody. Like, I get it, bro, I get it. But I won't be happy bro. Like. Yeah, I won't. Yeah, I had the, it's crazy because I had the thought yesterday of because yesterday it was a Sunday. After chilling with the fam, doing whatever. And then there's a point where in which the lady asks if she's like, I need to go. what she. Needed, she needed to me something. She go to the store because she was doing some stuff for her, bridesmaids and stuff. And then I was like, in the in my office chair, just like at the computer. And I was a beating with myself, like, what am I like? I could go and, like, just, like, do Sunday things, but, like, there's always work to be done, you know? So there's always something that we could be doing, working on so much shit all the time. But. And then I had the thought of like, how much like I've done. I'm like, fairly caught up, you know what I'm saying? I'm like fairly ahead. I'm like, not I'm not behind. I'm. Because I guess my current pace where I'm like mentally like my mental what is behind in my mind, all the zero perception, my entire reality, your entire reality. But my reality. I'm, my pace that I'm trying to maintain here. My 12 minute pace looks like I post a video a day, and then I have the we have the pods coming out and that's about it. That's the main priorities because I may, if I can maintain that, keep the pods coming out and then keep the clips coming out at a per day basis, I'm like good. And then I'm able to there's some times where I'm like making the clips and I make the clip and then post it like the same day, and then sometimes I can, maybe I can like stockpile 3 or 4 and I'm like 3 or 4 days ahead on clips and then I get the podcast knocked out. I'm up on the podcast, got that schedule, all the posts are ready to go. I'm like chilling, you know what I'm saying? So it's like, I can max out my fucking. I can Max that shit. I could like, push it to the limits. Yeah, like the podcast, the scheduled, the all the clips are done for the week. There's no more clips to be done. I could make more clips, but I already have enough to surplus me past the time I need to get the new one out and start making new clips. So I'm like, I can have it, you know? I can have my fucking ten minute mile or I'm like, fucking booking it and I'm feeling good. And then I had it yesterday. It had the moment of sitting in the office chair and the question was ask. She was like, do you want to go with me to target to eat the stuff? And I was like, yeah, because we're like, chillin today. It's like Buddha. We're like chilling and booted up. Of course. And then I was like, but I have like work to be done. There is work to be done. But I'm like ahead. I'm like decent pace. I'm like pretty good, like pretty like up ahead. But then the other question that ultimately came to the forefront was like, how much work do you need to, like, fulfill your own satisfaction of, like, that's enough? Or like, I'm like, I'm ahead. Yeah, I'm on that. I'm caught up. I feel good about it. I think, yeah, we all have their own. We all make our own. We all do our own thing with that. You know what I'm saying? That's like what we're doing here. So how much work do you need to be done to, like, feel successful or to, like, be okay with who you are, like what you did today? Yeah. How? Yeah. How you feel about how you today. How do you feel about today's like your life. So like how much do you have to do to like feel okay with today. And then it's like, well you could, you could, you could settle for feeling okay today or you could feel fucking like the man, you could feel like big daddy honcho with a fucking pack of money. Got money to blow again. I got money I forgot about. Yeah. Oh, presidents. That's gorgeous. You're talking that talk, George. I'm over here, like, changing the plan of my fucking life, bro. What are you talking. I swear to God, I don't know if it's the suit or what, but I'm like, God damn it, I gotta give my shit. What's your 12 minute mile, motherfucker? What's it look like? What's it look like in your day? Well, on top of that. Those are like the work related. Because on top of, like, my 12 minute life mile, I got to be working out, going to the side. Come on. Taking care of the Dallas, doing the dishes, taking care of the dog. You know what I'm saying? Paying the bills like that's a that's what, a 12 minute marathon. Ultramarathon mile looks like. So it looks like when you put your fucking hog on the table. That that's that's a man. God, there is a or none. Non-gender binary person. That's like with a 40 or whatever, whatever you please. Yeah, I'm just saying, like that's it bro. Come on. That's it bro. That's it. I mean, well, here's the thing. People are plagued by anxiety. Like I think everybody that's that's where sometimes like I have like a, like whenever this feeling happens to me, I'm like, the words that come out of my mouth are, you're an alien. You're gonna. Because you have. The ability to like, master Willpower. You could be a real superhero. Like you're like, I. This is what I'm going to do. This is my pace you've been doing. You did the science experiment long enough to figure out what you could deem to be good pace. You're like, I know how how long it takes to make a couple clips. I know what, like a fair. Ask for posting is like once a day fair. I can do that time wise. How long it takes to do it. It's going to, like, a difficult thing, but I can, like, turn it out like you've done the science to get to that point. Yeah. And then now you're at a point where you're like, okay, now I'm just going to do this and do this and do this. And that's the part where I think people have the problem is that do it and do it and do it like I've seen it. Bro. 13 at mile 13 plus. The sitting pretty. No it's not do mile two is. In reality well two. Is tougher. Like everybody mile two mile three. Plus this is because it's the same. It's the same as it is the only worse to to a degree for some. For pretty much everyone from three on it just gets worse. As far as like your physical but 13 I go, oh my god, I'm tired by 26. Oh my god you dead. Like fuck yeah. There's a way to run to like I think what people think is cardio is like a un sustainable run. But you can like develop a way to have a sustainable run. You know what I'm saying with like a, like a, like a 10 to 12 minute pace, like allegedly you could run that for five, ten miles at a time. Yeah. You're, you're your body. Your body has, your cardiovascular system has like gears. You know what I'm saying? If you just stay in second gear, like, you're, like your literal heart rate zone, like heart rate zone two, like, if you stay there, you'll be able to fucking churn out some miles. Yes, but if you burn it out, what's in the tank. To have like a feel for that, though, you would have had to done the science. You'd have to have done the work, you know, like. Lots of miles ran for. Real. And so I was like, dude. And my house, like, I don't think I'm like shaming anybody to talk about this, but just like to start something because you really wanted to fucking be a tennis player. I'm gonna buy the racket. I'm Rafael Nadal. The thing, like you were the bando like. And then you get you do tennis for like a month or two and you're like. Yeah. And I don't know if I really want to do this, you know? So like getting real passionate about something and then like not having like, whatever it is to like, keep doing it every day to, like, actually develop results was like a plague. I feel like all my family like, that was like we went through a lot of that. But maybe, maybe any and everybody does, you know? Yeah, maybe everyone has ancestral ties to that energy pool, you know. So and it's like, not. Because because maybe we're not supposed to do everything all the time. But the problem is, is that here's the real problem that I really want to talk about is that. There's things that people definitely do want to do. 100%. I like no. Bullshit. I want this in my life. No one wants to be sick or like, unhealthy. Right, bro? Like where? I like fucking care. It's it's it's on. Yeah. Okay. I care about this shit. And you and you can know, like what steps what steps it takes to, like, let's say we wanted to run A5K as a family. The 1 to 2 miles. We would have to run every day. It's like to develop the habit and the commitment to like keep doing that every day. That thing is like tough to develop. I don't think like just my family. I think everybody struggles with that. Yes, percent. And I think a large part of it is like anxiety or depression or like something kind of like weighing you out of your capacity to have energy to care to to want to go do something. Because I think, like if you're stuck in anxiety or second depression, it's like you don't want to go do anything. I'd rather just like Netflix right now to be safe or like. Keep the unknown variables to a minimum. Yeah. Also, just to shrink. Just to. Minimize. Yeah. Like what's the what's the like just playing for me I think it's just playing video games. They can just be on the couch playing video games. No concern for anything. It's just gone. I'm hiding it from myself, you know. like, sticking the head in the sand. Yes, bro. Ostrich or whatever the fuck. Where does that? And I think people can relate to, like, just watching a Netflix series just binge on Netflix instead of addressing whatever it is that you know you want to be doing what you're not. But also it's like sometimes just shit happens to people, you know, like if you get depressed because someone you really care about passes away, you know what? What are you supposed to tell yourself? Like, don't be, don't be sad, don't be depressed. It's like, go after that thing you you're supposed to go after. It's like, yeah, you got to have your conversation at some point with yourself where you turn it around. But like, at the same time, there's these natural hindrances for the doing it that would give us this full, fulfilled life that we really want. And then at church, the pastor, it was just like. What her go. Is like, I guess that's an inside out to because anxiety is like driving the kid. and then at some point, Joy comes back to like, the hell? It's just like, let go and, anxiety like, let's go to the wheel. And then like, joy takes back over and I guess, like, saves the day. Let's go. Yeah. And I think that's like, it was crazy. They're talking about that at church because it kind of hit me too. I was just like, sometimes it's my own anxiety. Like when I, when I'm in that zone and I'm just like making the clips. I'm just like, it's so crazy. I'm like, this is so simple. Why do I ever struggle to do this? Ever? And then there's times when I'm like, playing Call of Duty and I'm like, all right, last game, got to get off after this one. It's self conversation. You know that should be simple. There's no miscommunication there. You know what I'm saying. Then we lose me in the self I'm talking to. And then I'm like. And I'm like jamming the play again. But when I know I should stop telling, just like, bam, it give me back in the fucking lobby. And I and then I'm. And then I'm like, what are you doing dog? Like we're gonna to. What are you doing? Well, I going to make clips and shit and I'm like then later an hour or two later, I'm like, why did I shoot? Why am I struggling right there to, like, not just do what I should do? You know what I'm saying? just biblical bro. That they do it. I'm right there with you. It's fucking been around forever. That was the next phase. He even said that I remember I. Said that. I do it ahead. And I mean what I do. Yeah, it's like I do the things I know I should, and I don't do the things I know. I should think. That's some Peter. Been in there. Yeah, I think it's my Peter. It's been there for fucking ever. It's just like the human plague, I think. Yeah. Part of it or I was thinking about it yesterday as well because yeah, yesterday was Sunday and I was thinking about the fruit of the spirit and like the one that control of self self-control, that's the one that's the ultimate spirit of the truth or the spirit, whatever I'm trying to say, fruit of the spirit, that's the fruit. That's the one fruit that if you're going to go for any of them, make any of them important in your life. That's the one. Cut that. If you could do that, if you can control yourself. You can literally. Do anything you want to do. That's a it's a it's a what the fuck? What the fuck? He's an angel. What are we talking about here? You'd be an. Alien, though, you know. It should be. Simple, like. Yeah, free will. Right? Yeah. Just like, just. Do things, you know? You supposed to do. That's like the name of the God. That easy sign. Hold on a second. We have free will there, son. You could also not do the things you know you supposed. To do consciously, in. Unconsciously. It's like, fuck this game. It's deep. It's crazy superpower or whatever. We have interpretation, experience we're experiencing in this flesh suit, this flesh bot that breathes. Flesh in a suit. Yeah. Suited up in a suit. It up. It's crazy out here. Y'all just give a fuck, man. Follow your dreams, kids. Just do it. Enjoy yourself. Just do it, I get you shit, dude. I be screaming that to myself. Or like, playing that, giving my own head. Doing. It. So don't let your dreams be dreams. Figure it out. Says dude, I have this daydream about what I call the radical hour. Okay? Is this I love it. Okay, so. I just, I it's so crazy. It's I haven't done it yet, but every day dreaming about it, I love it. Okay, what if you just sat down and thought, like with this next 60 minutes, like, how much damage can I do? Okay. Like, how do I maximally optimize 60 minutes? How many bills can I pay? How many fucking phone calls can I make? How many emails can I respond to? Like, you could even make clips during that time. But it's just like, what if the goal, like in your mind, was to just like, put fucking 30 points on the board? And it was like, I'm like, if that was like my objective, I was just like, all right, this is the work out right now for 60 minutes. Go fucking bananas. And then in that time you just like things are just probably populating in your head all, and I'll do this and I'll do this and I'll do this. And I think you can go fucking nuts if you like. Made that the name of the game. I love that. It's also nice because it's just an hour. It's going to be over. Yeah, you can fucking play Call of Duty after that. I mean, like, for anybody, whatever your thing is, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, you could go. Sometimes I think that it's hard because we're like, when you have to negotiate with yourself. So if I know I'm not going to be doing it forever, if I know I'm not going to keep myself hostage to it for the next 2 or 3 days, if I know, like, we're going to do it till this time, and then we're gonna do this thing, and then this is the schedule for the rest of the day. Like, I think that's the first schedule and it's not that difficult on you. So like, let's just do. This. And then there's like harmony, you know. Yeah. Yeah. That, that Cooperation with you and yourself. Yeah. That, like bargaining almost trying to, like, make it happen. Yeah. A Kobe Bryant's like says bargaining happens from the weak side to the strong side. It's like, well, maybe we only do 30 minutes and then Kobe's like a sign of the deal. No. No bargains, no negotiations. We're doing an hour and then it's like that's hard. But you do have to like sometimes if you're struggling with depression and anxiety, it really helps to just work cooperatively with yourself. Like, what will I do? God damn so. Small. You do something for me. Like anything, bro. And then I usually get motivated by that. I'm like, well, yeah, I'm not a fucking toddler. Like, I can fucking do the dishes. Come on. Like, let's go, you know? There you go. And but it's that conversation is that push and pull to like, work through that fucking. You got to like shadowbox your way out. It sucks sexually depressed and have anxiety and you're just like, just want to fucking quit. But you gotta have these long conversations with yourself. It's hard. Yeah, it's it's another thing I was talking to lady about, or just the idea that. it's hard. Life is such a bitch because. You got to fucking. Live and, like. Create the life you want to live, but you got to. It's like I translated it to the restaurant industry because it's it's like there's so many things that have to be done and have to be addressed and had to be fixed and have to be more maybe be made more efficient and more concise. And whatever's going on, we got to optimize this to the best we can optimize. So many areas are so many variables and restaurants optimize and like that's all grand. But like there's a table here right now has a problem right now. And that's going to happen tonight. That's going to happen tomorrow night. That's going to happen the next night. So I was like, you never have like you of course have all these things to optimize. Of course. But like there's fucking today like it's happening now. Like you gotta take care of this table right now. Yeah. This table is going to be pissed in the next ten minutes. The shit that they want it, they don't have it. They're pissed. Yeah. And you're having a bad day. I like oh fuck. And like that anxiety's on all of us all the time. So it's like we had to take care of the fucking tables that are coming in for tonight's service. While thinking grand scope enough to try to fucking project out tomorrow like a week. If you're lucky, that's life. And then hopefully, yeah, have you get fucking good enough at that. If you get good at taking care of the table and like, fucking doing the shit and handling the objectives and like, then you're able to forecast out to hopefully get a plan or hopefully to see something else. Set yourself up for something in four, 12, eight, 16 months or whatever. But it's fucking hard because there's a service tonight. And you got to perform. That's the thing. It's every night. Is sports too, because you're never as strong as you want to be. Like, I feel like anytime you're in season, you're like, I wish I was in that guy shape, because if I was now, I'd be crushing. But that was always like, you're always in season, so you can't get big in season. So there's like every year in between sports. I always felt like I was like, no, I'm trying to do that now. I'm trying to do that. But like, now I'm here. And then that would kind of build this. Like, like you said, you have to build a forecast, like into the future where you want to take this thing, but you still have to like, play in this thing now, you know. Yes. Like that's that's inevitable. And same thing about life. Like you got to live today to try. To like I. Want to. Think about the next five years. It's like fuck dude. But you have to. Yeah. Yeah I guess the Bible tells us to try to just focus on today right. Don't worry about tomorrow to a degree. Okay? I could buy into that. Right? I'm just trying to discipline God then. Did you say that? Yeah. I think it's like, don't worry about tomorrow. Because, like. Yeah, that is enough. Yeah. They. So you have clothes on you now. It's like, how do you get those clothes? Who made those clothes? How did you get them? As they say things about turning with your clothes like that, I'm going to give you that you're going to wear in the next season. I don't know if I made that up, but I'm pretty sure that's in there. Yeah, like he talks about clothing. The birds are the trees. But yeah, today has sufficient problems to handle. So don't worry about tomorrow to a degree. But I'm saying man, really, really really don't worry about tomorrow. The trees going to. Be in the. Moment. Yeah I guess I was just going to say a truth that came to my mind to support. That was the idea that, I have. I have forecast. I forecast. But there's always an asterisk by it. Yeah, always an asterisk like the weatherman put by me. Yeah. It's like, what's going on here? But you know what? You know, I'm like, I know, I know things can like that, right? I know like that. God. Changed. You could in every meeting like that. You know what I'm saying? But you know, you know, you never know. Like that could be gone up in flames. I don't know if that's true. That's. I mean, that's the fucking plot. You plan, you scheme, you hope. But the farmer plants and sometimes the fucking Hales. I'm sorry. Like that. It is what it is. But. Yeah, but I trust in that. I trust in that more than I trust in my original plan. Have. That's the goal, baby. Yeah. Yeah. Like you can only forecast so much. Yeah, it gets deep. Because if you want to be mad that you you caught that red light. But what if that red dye stopped you from getting to an accident? So, like, you never know what the fucking where you're supposed to be. Never quite though, right? So that's why a bad thing isn't always a bad thing. That's like the first thing. I think when a bad thing happens, I'm just like, maybe it's not a bad thing. Like maybe, maybe this is the best thing that could have happened. And I just don't have the vision for that yet. Yeah. So I try to. I can't see every angle. I can't see all the possible potentials. Right, right. That it could have been. Definitely. And it's like hopefully I mean I mean, yeah, like I just trust God's plan for my life and then like, fucking turbulence on that airplane, right? Is just like I'm like, this is turbulence. Like. But those are the those are the axioms that let you worry about today and not tomorrow is because it's like, how could I, how can I ever be in the way I'm supposed to be at the right time, at any given time for anything to happen, ever. So I gave or me like the right person. It's like, oh shit, man, it's crazy that I ran into you. Or like, it's like, how does that. One conversation. Yeah. You end up on these timelines. How many movies have that? You know, I'm sure how many movies that are based on a true story you have that it's like just the conversation that happens are a coincide. It'll just meeting of peoples or whatever the hell happens. Stories like hinge on that. A lot of. Story. Yeah, right. It's like you just happened to at the right time with the. And then that thing happens. That's like the that's like narratives, you know, and I think that our life is predicated on that. Our storylines are. Predicated on the one that has brought me to fucking baby reindeer. You watch that? No. But I've heard of you can tell you talked about it. Just the beginning scene. It's the entire it's fucking. It's great the way the the the writing insofar as how it ended. But just because that is such a simple tap, that's such a simple little exchange is a simple social exchange in a bar, just like, can I get a drink? You're the bartender. He's like, yeah, how could you drink? Or, not even a drink. Like a drink drink, but just a tea. Can you see there, in there in London. In that scene, this opening scene? Yeah. On the preview. Can I get a tea? Yeah, sure. It up a couple minutes. Not even. And then I guess the teas on the house. Ultimately, I don't even know how the exchange goes with something crazy. Just like, oh, yeah, don't worry about. It or whatever. And then that. Sparks the entire fucking series after that. Just that little, you know, just a little. Just a little. Passing by with a fucking stranger just in the crazy. That is hot. Like it's a crazy fucking story. Fking crazy y'all. If you never seen it, it's an anxiety inducing. It's fucking cringe worthy. You're cringing, you're anxious, you're like nervous. You're upset, you're sad, you're depressed, you're unhappy. But no, you're not. Oh, because you're depressed. Oh no. But it's it's like it's a crazy fucking series. So terrible. It's exhausting. I don't want to do that. I love you want to watch it? Unless you're how much of. A poster that was for that. But it's crazy. It's just fucking crazy. Long story short, this lady goes fucking crazy because of that. Not because of that. But I guess she is a crazy person to that. And that just so happens to just spark just that crazy series of events that takes place where she's like stalking him and messaging him all the time, like multiple, like thousands of times. It's crazy. Whole bunch more shit going on. But it's terrified of that. Terrified of that terrified, terrifying fucking. It's so crazy. I don't mean you. Don't want to talk to anybody at all. Ever. Anywhere you go, right? So fuck. That. But there's many points. It's frustrating. That's another. That's another emotion you go through because it's frustrating to watch this fucking guy. Just like, enabled this to continue to happen. The situation or like the yeah the entirety of the situation. But then all the individual instances that take place, it's like. At what point do you say like, fuck. You like, fuck off bro. I want to the police brother think this is right? It takes a long time to get to that point. Yeah, it's frustrating to watch, but then it kind of explains why. And then just like everything happens for a reason to a degree and she's like, this is fucking crazy. It's wild. But then, yeah, it ends with him at a bar and then he gets gets a soda or a Coke or something. And the guy's like, don't worry about it, it's on the house. Then he's like. Stewie Griffin. Oh yeah. It's just who knows? These are the games we play. That any of us live life. Be careful. His plans. I was thinking his plans were he was going to be a comedian, that he was a, active in active pursuit of trying to be a stand up comic professional. So that's kind of what his like story is about, right? That's like his runner. You know, how he kind of got into the situations where he's in and he's like bartending on the side and then like shows him going to shows and like attempting to do his comedy and stuff. It's crazy. But then it's funny also because, spoiler, you can watch it. I guess that's no matter. Going to watch it. I guess he he does get like famous because he's ultimately like all this shit just like compiles and compiles and compiles and he's like doing the comedy thing, doing the comedy thing. And then he's he gets an opportunity to go to a comedy show and do a crazy set and like some sort of competition or something. I don't even know the setting exactly. But towards the end, and he's he more or less just like gets on the stage and then like breaks down and like kind of like the night exposes but just talks some. Just. Toxic shit. Just just fucking vents his heart out, kid. Vent your fucking put your soul. That's what like. Just puts his soul out there for people. Yeah. Just completely fucking just this disclosing his entire life story more or less over the last couple of years that have led to these crazy situations and emotions. And then in that disclosure for that information, he, like someone like records puts it on YouTube, he blows up and then he, like, becomes a successful comedian, but then he, like, quits comedy because he's like, well, I don't even really want to do that. Like now that I know that I got it. And then I did the thing, like, I. I didn't really want to. Then you pursue something else. I was like, What? Yeah. It's it's frustrating. To say the least, but it. Was it definitely ran the Netflix socials, you know? Yeah, we were talking about it. Everyone was talking about that shit. It was crazy. I would say it's worth the watch. I guess when I watch it again. No different. Question. Oh, good. Where's the first watch? Eileen. Yes, Eileen, you gotta watch something. I can see some circumstances where I'd be like, oh, you wouldn't like it. Maybe if you take one solid thing away from something, you know, maybe the book was worth it. Yeah. There you go. It was memorable. This is crazy. Fucking crazy. These timelines that we live on. Yeah. Could just happen at any moment. You could project out everything you want to in the future. You have all the all the plans you want. I guess it's also funny that in that instance, because he had all these plans that he was trying to do this thing and then like he all he did ultimately get there, even though it was like a fucking crazy ride. Crazy ride. Careful where he got. He got it because you're just mocking it, all right? That's what. People sometimes allude to when they're. Careful what you. Wish for. Yeah, that's Jim Carrey or Jim Carrey has something about that quote like, I wish everybody was able to become rich and famous or like, achieve their dreams because then they would find. Out that there's. Like, there's more to life, more or less, or like, that's not going to make you happy. It's just a chemical balance. You got to get. Em right in. Your head. You could have everything. You could be and be the actor. Get the awards. You can be the scientist. Get the get the awards, get the recognition and just have a shitty home life or have a shitty relationship with yourself and relationship with others. I guess that's what it comes down to, Well, that's a shitty relationship with life. because life continues to unfold like the origami swan, and you just can't. You never have it quite figured out. And even if you could have this all figured out, then the fucking unfolds again and you're like, that's like, the wonderful thing about life is you're just like, oh my God, there's so many levels and layers to this thing. But I think that like as a person traveling through that experience, like it's a lot to constantly like those things that worked for me here were great. But now I'm trying to do these things that I know from this thing, because that's going of now in the Water temple. I got to use the hookshot and to just be a person that gets through, like all of those temples is a different thing. Then sometimes you just walk into the forest temple and just like crush, and then you could just like all of a sudden everything you were doing over there, it's just like kind of no longer relevant because now you're doing this over here. and I think if. You have a bad relationship with that thing, like, even if you're at first like, let's say you want to be a scientist, you're in college and you're like, studying and you're like getting good grades and you're like, making friends, and you're going to the library and you're really, like, doing your best to be a student. But then you got to be an actual scientist. So then you're like trying to write papers. They get like valued by people. And let's say you do get valued and you won like an award. You're like a successful scientist. But now you have to be a successful scientists. Like, what are you doing now? You know, do you really like science or are you chasing the award? Is there something you're interested in researching? So, like now I'm really interested in research in cancer. So like okay, but all along the way you got to be like doing something, even though everything you just did was kind of like something else, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it's like an artist, like a, like a musical artist that you drop something, it's like, what's the next thing you're going to drop? Yeah, but that's. That's life though, I think, is that it's just like expanding, like you're not really. It's you're not doing one thing. You're doing a lot of things. And in that sense, you're only really doing one thing, which is. All of those things at once, you know? Okay. Yeah, that's like the reality of. It you have to have with it's like, I'm a fucking samurai, like an Akito samurai. I'm like, well. Like in my yoga pose, and I have these floating samurai swords around me, and I'm saying, yes, float through life. That's like how I want to exist on a metaphysical level. It's like I don't even need to see, like I'm perceiving it all. That's the yoga part. And then the swords are like my readiness to, like, handle the things that are going to come at me. And then like, the floating is like being zen, you know, saying like not having, just, just experiencing hopefully bliss because it's just like it's the same thing over and over again. It's just a handling of life, you know? Yeah. That's how I've been trying to perceive. It day in and day out. This shit's coming at you, day coming at you live, bro. Every fucking second thing I know choice is happening. Golly. Yeah. None of us. None of us. Like, yeah, I guess. Yeah, I had had that recurrent thought before, but like, none of us chose this thing. Maybe we did. I guess we, maybe we did. Who knows? But then you. See other creatures, like my. Dog or an aunt. Or a fucking. Beaver or a fucking elephant or a cockroach. I then didn't choose to be that tonight. Or are these I? How conscious are they? I don't know. What life is. Like for them, right? I don't. We all just have these faculties like we have these human faculties and they just have their species. Whatever. Fuck they got going on. Like, to us, it's not. It's just my. Body. Is it their body to them or like, you know, or they're that sentient or like that, I guess. I guess we could argue. No, from what we define, is like what? Because humans are definitely different. We differ from other animals. But we're animals at the same time. I think at the same, on some level, we're just fucking animals. Yeah, I think that's what I felt when I felt like an angelic force came into just like the animal, you know what I'm saying? And now I have this, like, relationship with a conscience, you know, and like. With consciousness. Itself. Yeah. Because it's not it's not really like I'm just an animal at all, you know what I'm saying? I'm not just going to fucking like, I'm not going to get hungry and start eating another dead animal like an animal will just do that. You know what I'm saying? Like a dog with a story, you know, another dead dog. If they're just out in the wilderness too long. If you're starving to death. Yeah, I guess that's their reality. Their reality is a lot different than my reality, though, because I have the able to understand I could, like, walk to a supermarket, but if they're like out in the wilderness, their life or death is like all the time, you know? Yeah. So I guess there's one difference there, but that would change how you perceive all of this shit. You know? Animals. Just animals. But that's what you were just talking about. Would we would we choose to do this? And I'm like, maybe there's like a factor that we don't. Well, one on one hand, I think the Bible just says that like God made people and then like it was an expression of him and it's like, Like Adam and Eve. Yeah. Because, yeah. Adam and Eve. And then we kind of messed it up for ourselves. But like. Yeah. I had a question about this. I have a question about this. Go on. Why? Okay. Hold on. No, I guess because like, I was I was going to ask, why did Eve eat the apple? Why were they able to eat at all? You know what I'm saying? They don't need to eat. They're they're not going to die. There are. Humans. They're just enjoying fruit. They're just was fruit to be enjoyed all around them, I think is what was going on. And then the devil is like, enjoy this. Fruit, eat this one. And then they're like, that's only fruit we can enjoy. That's basically the only rule. Here. Is to not enjoy that fruit. And I was like, why not? And then at some point. As cap, we were just like, I bet you know, you're right. I think we just like, I guess maybe at that point, yeah, we separated from the from the garden or whatever that metaphor is. That's, here's a question. Why did God make a garden with us thinking it right? I'm not like, this is not me being critical of God. Right? But I'm saying. Yeah, I think John Pierson has raised this question on. The premise. Yeah. You know. Yeah. I think John Pierson, in his first book, he talks about that. He mentions that, yeah, I think what he says, maybe his response to that or his summation was. Like. Some, maybe some gardens. There's no garden to secure for a snake. Not to be. No, not even a garden, no structure, no nothing. There's nothing that could be so secure that a snake, a snake. Can't infiltrate. Including, like your own heart. Like no matter how many walls we set up to keep the bad people out, it's like bad people. Are in in here and here. That's where the bad people are. I think pastor talks about that on Sunday. He was like, bad things happen because we're here. If we don't want bad things to happen, we wouldn't be here. It was like, all of. Us is real bad. Yeah. That's it. Could all be Nazi prison guards. Or whatever for sure. Atrocities. It's like humans are crazy. We're fucking crazy. Yeah, crazy animals. But. The garden we're talking about maybe the. So maybe it's like part of the part of the plot of being human is that that snake exists in the garden to tempt you to ultimately not use your free will, like ultimately or. Effort someone on Instagram. Perception or conceptual as it is also like focus on lack. That's like the thing. Like what that fruit may have represented. It could have been. Something like that. Like the the. Idea of. Not being satisfied with what you have, like like J. Cole, like love yours, like not being able to, love or like have enough be of sufficient here, be okay with where you are, with what you have right now. That's a nice analogy. Yeah. To not to chase away from that, to look for something outside of that, like it's going to make you feel better and it's like, no, there's there's no, there's not for you. To do that. That's good. That's I think. It's like. I think know that in the young. I sexualize it like, Adam and Eve's will was like 99% aligned with God's will. And it was so easy for their will to be aligned with God's will. There was like, no, there was nothing that they really wanted that they couldn't just have. Like, they whatever their directive would have been, would have been okay with God, except for eating that fruit. That's the only way they could have misaligned themselves from being 100%, 100%. And God's will was just to eat that fruit and so I think that it's like it's kind of goes to show that, like, in my opinion, that what we should have done is stayed 100% compliant with God's will because it's just not that different. Like, you have everything you could want. And it's just like if even if it's so silly as to just have something that you the one thing you weren't supposed to have, like there's one way you can fuck up. Like we have the capacity to fuck up that one way, even if it's so simple, you know? Yeah. Because even. Yeah, God made Adam and Eve. And why would he make a creature that would. Fuck up? You know what I'm saying? Unless he knew they were going to fuck up. I don't know, sometimes, I don't know. Maybe there was supposed to fuck up. I don't know. Either they're supposed to fuck up or that's the image that we're made it. And I'm not saying that God's a fuck up, but I'm saying like, maybe like. God. Had to learn to align himself with his own will at some point. And then that's like he made us in the image of something that has to learn to align itself with God's will. That could be something going on there. Okay, I see that. But that's like, then I'm making the premise that the human existence is who we were supposed to fall to sin. We're supposed to fuck up so that we can learn to not fucking up. Is true happiness. That God's will is your happiness. But free will enables us to have all these questions and all of these. Well, what if this, what if this and all this need to give the eagle what it thinks it wants? and then you get to the end of that rope, and then you're supposed to realize and learn the hard way. So to just do God's will. And that's what this whole life experience is to some degree, about. Yeah, yeah, I. Think I've conceptualized it as well as like. like a baby. Whenever a baby is like born, it's like in the garden, you know what I'm saying? It's like with God completely. It has no ego. There's no ego developed yet. There's no no ulterior motive. There's no separation. It just is life. It is. It's beautiful. And we love it. You see, a baby. Baby smiles at you. You feel great. You don't, you psychopath. Put you in a fucking. Puts you in a box in a ground. Dead man box. You're crazy. Six feet deep. Like a pool. Dog. That's how we're going to do it from now on in my society, in my future dystopia, J hope you're going to take fucking laughing babies and make them look at people. And if you don't respond, you're done. Yeah. Done, kid. That's a there's. Something that goes on in your heart when you see a smiling like laughing baby. It's like, oh yeah, oh yeah. So cute. I think that's it. If not, you're fucking dead. No questions asked. Straight the dead straight. The dead off with his head. Yeah, baby. So some people have trauma with babies. Okay? They just don't respond well to the side of a baby in this current season of life. Fair enough, I guess. Could you explain your trauma to me at gunpoint? Come on. I with you, though, because you're. Yeah. You're saying two things. One, that, there's something that happens there naturally. When you see a baby, you're like, you get. You feel rosy, like you feel like, oh, my God, you know, like. And then one thing that personally I feel is I feel their potential. Just like anything, like. Anything. Wild card. Right now. Know you're a slot machine kid. You could be a president. Like, legitimately, you know, right here you could be a president or a doctor or a. Lawyer or a dealer. At a blackjack table. I don't know what your fucking story is going to be. You know, it could be anything. Anything. So much potential. Yeah, I feel that. And then they're all happy and giggly and they're all like, Carly, I don't think I've ever met like a malevolent baby. Okay? I can't they can't be they can't know malevolence. Yet they don't know that the closest I've been is a. Part of driving on these back roads, because I think my dad's driving and I'm in the backseat looking out the window. If it's the. 20 miles an hour on a back road, okay, go to a stop sign, all. Right? And a kid jumps. Out at the kids, and it's like a cornfield. Okay. In front of their house. It's back roads. I know, got it. And this kid jumps out of the cornfield. Okay, it just. Two middle fingers for the car. This kid looked like he was like five rows. He was. I was like, oh, it's a kid. Oh, what the hell? He stuck it out. What was he wearing? Red shorts and a gray shirt. That's what populates in my mind. I don't know, that's the truth. But like, you just were a basketball sideline reporter. They were like overalls. And no shirt for the fucking corner of the car. Yeah, yeah. Some kind of. Fun. Yeah, brother, you get the land, my pals, the land. Fuck off, my pals land. What was this in Texas? Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. So sorry. So that was the story. It's just we're being like, you know, just kids. Definitely. By five. 4 or 5, you could. They get there? They don't say they get there. That's a thing. Because they're. But they start in the garden. We all start in the garden. But at some point the ego develops or something happens and then you, you separate, you become human. Oh, you know what I'm saying? You become like a where you become conscious, you become self-aware of yourself, that yourself. Because when you're baby, you don't even know you have fucking hands. You watch a baby learn it has fucking ligaments. It's like, oh, my fucking God, this is me, this is me, this is me. I feel that, I feel that like the oh my God, this is me too, you know what I'm saying? Because you didn't fucking here. You fucking here the whole time until you're like, not until you're here and you're like, oh, fucking my human with I got shit and I got to piss. I got to eat, I'm hungry. Yeah. Like none of that's known. You're just experiencing it. And then eventually it becomes known to you and you can become aware of what the fuck's going on here. But before that, I think you're kind of like in the garden. Metaphorically. You know what I'm saying? There's a there's no separation. But just like a baby would have to ultimately. Become exposed to. Whatever malevolent behavior is or whatever that is that creates, takes away that innocent, like, oh, we all just like having. Fun guys like, you know, where does that. Go? Or like, you know. Anxiety and depression hit people. Yeah, we're all just grown kids. Wild is grown up kids. You never stop being a kid. You just grow up, get taller. That's the thing I realize about someone who has, like, like a bully personality. Or if they're like an attacker, nicer. Basically any antagonize or they're not. Just. Gonna have fun. It's like, how do you get there? So depression, anxiety, trauma, yeah, is the only thing that would make a kid if just like kids show up in a group of ten and they have fun and play together like daycare or something like that, and then like they go home and they just, like, live a good, happy life. I don't think there's a point where one of those kids starts being like. It's grossly unjust, right? Yeah, because I've seen it. Or like, I worked at the YMCA from like for a long time, summer camps and after school care from like kindergarten to eighth graders. So like the whole spectrum of kids pretty much. And yeah, the kids are like, they can work it out themselves to a degree. They have to have some, some sort of justice like us supervisors making sure she's like, okay. But for the most part, kids are pretty chill. But the kids are aren't chill. They got a something's going on. You know, you see it at. That level like There's a clear connection. Yeah. There's like what's up with this kid. And then you can like infer there's something. Yeah. It's like there was one kid in particular the populated in my mind though like I don't know I was like you're like here's my perception of his stepdad. I was like, oh, he's an asshole, you know? So I can just feel it. Yeah. I don't know. It's like the brief human interactions that we've had. It's like everyone knows how to say, hey. You know, I'm saying, yeah. So, hey, how's it going? And then, like, simple, you know what I'm saying? And then how do you. This is like, you. Can really quickly, like, negate that potential, like interaction of. Hey. Was like, fuck you. I was like, oh God. This guy looks like a fucking murderer, Yeah. That was I had that, like, he looked like a murderer. Like, oh my God. My son, my son. Oh, fucking like a and he is a show about someone and was fucking. Missing 48 like he. He'd be a useless suspect. Just like that guy. But I kind of been projecting that onto him. Either way. He was kind of a dick. Yeah, I could just see. I was like, oh, man. Like. And the his son. Does he owe you any obligation to politely say, hey, I'm not gonna lie, Jim, there's been times where I have I have to fight the urge to not be like. Fuck off, bro. Look at someone wants to say what's up to me. Well, in the gym, it's like you're doing something, but like, you have to talk to me. Like you're here to pick up your kid. Like, could you just sign the form like, okay. Yeah. It's different. It was a. Different. It's like there's there's, like, we have to interact, you know, I'm saying. So here you you're here to pick up who. Okay. Got it. And the virtual world he owes nobody. Yes. Any not fuck use. Yeah, but does he owe you a nice greeting? He loves me not. Fuck you through at least, I'll take neutral. I'll take neutral. I'll take a. Hey. You ain't a decimal I. That's it. I didn't do I wanted. Not even just like the actual word of the dialog of a hey with the energy behind it. Just like a. Match. I'm saying words, words, words. You just give me that. But just like the way people. Words. Antisocial behavior. Words, words. This thing, Whatever inflection they put behind it, it's just you can feel it. You fucking feel. It. words. Words. Right? Words. Well, words. Words, bro. Words words words words words words words. That's that's what's up. Yeah that's crazy bro. Is that. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking different. They say like 80% of communication is like non-verbal. Yeah. Not the words you say. it's like how you say it. The tonality, the. Implications, the body language, the posture. When you're a kid, the way people talk to you like. Like you remember, there's like a mean old lady. It's like kind of scary. Yeah. It's like, well, you don't we don't like that. We're like, don't want to talk to her, you know what I'm saying? She's a jerk. Like it's crazy. it has a big impact. As an adult. I can kind of, like, look past one interaction, right? But at the same time, like, I'm also weighing out how much do I owe anybody in a social interaction? We're pretty close to a digital, physical world. You know, where you, like. Cancel. That's not interested. Yeah, that was it. Let's say this person. This person is limited their amount of communication with with like people who are not on their friends list. Right. But it's just you. Yeah. The gym. Yeah. Yeah. There's like trying to say hi or interactions is like. Nope nope nope. Yeah. but I'm thinking about all that. But like, mere shit. Y'all. As a kid though, you know that that shit's impactful the way that people talk to you and someone's attitude and energy. It's like, that's all we really got. Like our communication with each other. We're just going to be cooperative people, you know? This is what we should aim to be. Yeah, we're all trying to get shit done here. Oh shit. And get shit done. And right. That's it. Right. With as little conflict and friction as possible. Keep it. Keep it genuine, keep it small. Give it up, keep it smoothing. Yeah. But so yeah, I do think that there is. Slight anxiety, stress and trauma. Yeah. We were talking about that. I was weighing out that I kind of I can tell if I want a strong man, a strong man, my, my own position in this argument. Like I could defeat my own point and say like, Do both. Okay. Yeah. Let's go. Some say over I shit to first. The female point is like, let's say that all these kids are let's say that the ten kids with ten families and all ten family lives are doing great. Awesome. Now these ten kids are going to their daycare. Daycare, okay. And they're basically carrying out a small community. Yes, hundred percent. Right. They have to fucking. Coexist, commingle, cooperate. Right. And then list in that pool of things. Do you think that one of those natural personality types playing that natural set of games, might begin to develop malevolence in their own heart based on the outcome of the games, the way they're played, how they feel during them, how other people make them feel during them, whether or not there's. But. Let's say there's zero antagonizes, but we're going to get to our first antagonize her. Okay. Could that naturally occur? Yeah, right. I guess that's the argument behind nature versus nurture or. Oh yeah, right. It's like sometimes it's just like. Let's say the nurture is fine. Yeah. Across the. Board. Yeah. But let's say that losing a game is a traumatic like it shouldn't be. There should be coping mechanisms to like be okay with losing. Right. But perhaps that's Cain. He just lost. The game passed. He raged. You fucking rage quit. Shit. The highest degree. Yeah. That's it. Know that's it. I was like, I thought that was funny. This. Well, I guess. Yeah. What are we talking about here? So let's assume that the the community's the community of children, their households are all Gucci. The community that they're playing in is being supervised. I guess I would ideally, I guess that supervision is, let's say, is perfect as well. But again, yeah, would it naturally arise because if they're going to lose a game or something traumatic is going to happen or an argument is going to come up or someone's going steal their toy, whatever the fuck's that happen, that's going to happen. Maybe a kid pulls a chair out non malevolently. Yeah, okay, plays a prank. So how does someone take the prank? You know, are they going to get furious or embarrassed or. Yeah, maybe there's just a couple personality types they could be born into or like that would respond. They all respond to a situation the same situation slightly differently. Yeah. So maybe the nurturing at home would be like, let's say like kid A is A is losing the set of games consistently. So then the parents at home are able to maybe help them to cope with that in a healthy way and not get upset. And then the people that are providing the structure are realizing that this isn't a game that he wins at, but they can play a different set of games that he would be like better than the other kids at. And they can like, teach them that. There's times where, like, sometimes you're good at something and sometimes you're not good at something. So the that would maybe help them be more cooperative. So maybe over time there's a way to like, work through the negative feelings associated with playing a set of games through good nurturing and good support, but just natural negative emotions occurring during that time. Yeah, pretty much every movie I've ever seen says that. Like somebody gets pissed off at some point, like Cain kills Abel, you know what I'm saying? Like peace dies out of, like, some kind of usually it's like somebody is neglected. Or. Somebody wants to make fun of somebody. Or like. It just can play out. It can spiral out of control very quickly. Man. Utopia is not a thing. Yeah, it can't be. It never is. I'm just trying to think about, like, how much of a blank slate. Do we have? Do we have any. Amount of a blank slate? I think maybe in some aspects we might, but we then negate the idea of that. We have like personalities or like differing predispositions, you know what I'm saying? Because like the five traits of personality have been, like pretty well established. And then like those five traits are more or less like a spectrum or a scale, you could go lean heavy right and lean heavy left and. So I guess those things do exist. And we all do fall somewhere on those spectrums of how agreeable are you, how social are you, how empathetic are you? How like prone to anxiety? Are you? And those kind of things like those things do exist. So there is no like blank slate really. Right? I guess all these kids do like have like we all have our fucking stats. We all have our pre-baked stats. Yeah, they may have. I don't know what the fuck's going on with them. I don't know, sometimes I think you only get 20 stat points and the thing that would require 40 style points to maximize all the stats. So you even. If you use yourself like you design it like a D&D character, and you just supply like let me do like seven here. And that means I'm only gonna have three for this, but I'd rather have this than that. If I'm going to have something I'm good at. I think maybe you like building schematics. I mean, that's just me as a human trying to conceptualize, I think. Yeah. Me too. Like, what the fuck? Yeah, I don't know, because. Yeah. What are these kids. You know. How would how would hypothetically, one of these kids rise to. The level. Of just like, malevolence or like, control or trying to. Really hurt. Someone? Yeah. Really disagreeable person. Was high in anxiety. Right. Then they get into. in social. So they want to be liked. Right. You could design the perfect neurotic kid. Yeah. And then have the, the straw that breaks the camel's back of their chill and then have it happen to like a vulnerable person. So then maybe like, it's like a, an outlet and that creates a disrupt, like, right, like this kid's going to maybe someone wants to defend that person. And now this person isn't the kid receiving the, like, verbal abuse or the physical abuse from that person losing their chill or even just disagreeing with someone over time. If that's an agreeable person and you're constantly disagreeing with them, it's like going to create negative emotion. And then how do you make sure that the negative emotion never boils over, that it's all perfectly coped with in children? It's like, I don't think it's that's why they say there's no utopia. It's like, it's not possible. Yeah. I don't know, it's crazy. Because I guess thinking about how we. Like animals. How animals are different from each other, they have different strengths and weaknesses and body types and whatever the fuck. Roles and society roles in the animal kingdom. Are some things just made to be eaten. It's like. Fuck, oh, there's a big joke. I just feel like also, you're the wolf of Wall Street over here. See. Look, some people spend their whole entire year earning $100,000, and I take $20,000 in a phone call. Watch some people just get eaten. Like cheese, bro. Some people are just. Made to be eaten. I think some people definitely. Yeah. Do. is there a fact that. So. I don't think it's any, like just. You're fucked. I don't think so. Never. But maybe if there is. Maybe because you fucked up in the past and you're Hitler, and then you come back and you're fucked. Just, like. Doomed to a shit life. Shit life, kid. car was playing out heavy right now for your ugly ass shit. Oh, you're fucked. It's. It was fun, isn't it? He's got, like, a blank slate. That's not it, isn't it? That's just the fur. That's that. That's for starters. That's the appetizer of your shit existence. It. Don't worry. Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez. Okay, so because I don't think anyone's just condemned to a. Shitty life, I don't want to believe that someone's in the metaphor of an animal kingdom. People are just like that guy gets to be a lion, and I'm a fucking like, anal bead. I. oh, fuck. Is this. the way we were all supposed to transcend personality? You know, we're all supposed to. Yeah. Having that dude, I have anxiety, but I'm also, like, one of the most confident people I know. How can both things be true? You know what I'm saying? It's like I'm a person that transcends my natural limitations. Like, I'm. I'm the the thing that can become you. Yugioh. Not just a little Yogi all the time, you know what I'm saying? But man, when I actually when I was talking about Zelda, kind of like this new idea kind of popped in my head and then this is making it click into place. I think there's something about you have to, like, be young link. You have to be like Young Link fighting Ganon Dorf, and Young Link is someone who becomes old link like that, like they become mature. They become strong and then they fight a demon. That's way you know it's gonna end. The world is way stronger. You're just like a forest boy. It's like no business fighting this thing. It's. It's the same story in like you goes like this student. You know what I'm saying? No business fighting. Like the thing that makes gravity and time like these way. Upper echelon forces. But it's like, I think there's something about, like, we are just. We are all just this thing that has no business. We're all supposed to be getting eaten. Like the things. Like some things just get. It's. We're all the thing that should just get a potentially. But then we're also, like, able to transcend that and become the thing that could stop the world from ending. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe in the animal kingdom because like, how how useful are we? Or like, where do we feel like we can't really be taken on without our, like, human capabilities or without our side, without like, our mental capabilities? Like I can't fight a bear. Oh fuck no. In the hand combat. We're getting fucked up by a lot of animals, right? All the sea creatures are going to fuck us up right? We can. We can fight that. They can't fight. It's over. Here. That's true. But the super pit skins, you see those same fucking skins puts an electric eel like. It's just that. That one jellyfish. Yeah, right. Oh, fuck. Yeah. The fancy stuff wrong with the sea animals. Okay. Fair enough. Sea animals. We'll see. We'll see you at the home field advantage, bitch. Yeah. You can't. Fathom. What? The curb stomp. We gotta get the number one seed. We gotta get one seed. I think it's the sea creatures. We don't play them at home and they're fucked with that dude. But yeah, we find a whole, like, a all the big cats would fuck us up. Bears would fuck us up. A lot of the, like, hyenas and big dogs would fuck us up, dog to fuck, fucking up. German shepherds. Yeah, the fuck yeah, yeah, wolves. I'm sure there's stories. Yeah, I'm. Sure there's the stories of the motherfuckers back in the day who would kill a lion or kill a fucking wolf. And then where it's pelt. Back to the fucking village. Yeah. That's him, that's him. Kathy. That's her. Kiss him just as him. That's crazy. That would to think about. But. So that's a lot of like man maker tests in mythology through throughout time. Yeah. If very it wasn't then like in Beowulf or in like the fucking it's 300 as well or some shit probably. And in Hercules. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And then in Vikings, Bjorn goes out into the wilderness and kills a bear. His bare hands walk, comes back and wears the fucking polar bears pelt. And he's just like a man after the polar bear. Yeah. That's gangster fucking. Those are the most motherfucking crazy bears. He's fucking in the snow. Just fucking kills. That thing is fucking hard. That's crazy. Fucking his punches. It. Now he gets into it to death. Another thing. Well, he ends up just stabbing it like he goes to attack him and he's like getting in there, and he's like, looks like he might die for a second. And he's like. Okay, that's fire. I thought he was going bare hands. No, you know ski. So 70 fucking. If you were going to kill a polar bear with your bare hands, how do you how would you go about it? You got to choke him out. You got to choke out the bear. And it's. You're fucked. You're so fucked. And your legs are your hands. You'll being on that bear's neck. Oh, no. Shit! It's a man. Oh, just the Vikings is the headphones. Oh, my gosh. But that would be. I can't even imagine. I can't even imagine a polar bears are fucking huge. Yeah. Bears are regular. Bears are regular. Bears are huge. Maybe it was a bear in the snow. Maybe it wasn't a polar bear. It definitely was like snow flying everywhere. I'm pretty sure it was a polar bear. Either way. But God, this you take you back to a bear. This is a big. I'm gonna kill a bear. The bear hands. You're not. You can't just punch it. You can't just punch it to death ribs. I go to. Break every rib on its left side. Oops. The ribs follow me. So I'm falling. Literally. I go right for its eyes. That's what I do. First I get the fucking eyes. Dude. Talk that. Talk to me. I think you could kill that bear. I get the eyes first. We take it so I'm a bit brighter. Let's take. He's always first. Okay, now it's got no eyes, but it's still pretty lethal. You can't do it with your bare hands. You need a weapon? Yeah, a fucking weapon. We we we we maxed out that road train of thought. Like, how can we make this happen? We we can take his eyes, you know? How do you how had to kill him with your hands can choke him the next too big. You can't fucking just. Put him in a Nelson. Yeah. If you're going to kill a person. Put him a. Headlock. That's all you got? Is beating them or choking them? Yeah, choking was suffocating them. Yeah. You can't beat a choke a bear. You can't beat a bear to death unless you're just fucking him. Just like 30. I think this is a movie about this actually. Use a. Really? Yeah. You just have, like, crazy fucking myths. You're just a specimen. You have to be a specimen and have a huge fucking hands and a lot of power. And you got to go like ten hours. You got to, like. Just destroy that there, bro. Take its eyes. A lot of punches and kicks to the fucking head. It's going to run away, I think, before you kill it. Yeah, right. I freaked the fuck out. Oh, maybe if you fucking. A couple. Knockout. Punches to the temple, right. I didn't know I right. You fucking know. Shatter that. Break. It's no. Dude. That's it. Break its nose right into his brain. That's your one shot. That's it. Oh, my God, one punch hit a home run. you might have a. Few chances if it's bond. Yeah, because I'm moving his head too much. That's the only shot, kid. That's the only shot with your bare hands. Otherwise, you need to. Right next to those teeth, are you? Watch out. Don't miss in those claws. You got to get in. You're going to get in striking distance to when that punch, you have to take a step inside. And that's going to be a scary step inside. And then just boom. And right back out. Right? Yeah. Hopefully because that's going to. Well you're still one of its claws and kill it with its own claws. Do you. If I. Put it's like your bare hands. Then that's what they call. Bare hands. It's the ultimate. It's bare claws on my hands. It's the bare hands. But, oh, this was to point out that there's like, we're not. It's our ability to use tools. Yeah. Mental capacity. The top of the food chain. Yeah. Maybe we're not so separate, but like, you know what I'm saying? Maybe we're not such different animals. We're just animals. Well, they would say that the ability dumb crazies make tools can the past, future and present those things. Self-aware. Those things. It's like a small difference, but it's a it changes everything. It's like. Changing. One atom in our existence changes everything. Yeah, I think that's the God thing. No. Right. I like the, the the idea of. That angelic force or something. Else that animates this fucking monkey, this monkey body. Because. Yeah. What the fuck is it I like, how the hell did we get. This far ahead? Stoned ape theory. Hypothetically. Yeah. I mean, I guess evolutionary biologists. Say that we just did it. We just advanced. Yeah. Just, like happen the same way you gain wisdom and experience somehow. Like it just happened for a species long enough to be, like. Fire up. And then to start writing languages and then start writing books and all this. Shit, you know. This is the will of our capacity. Oh, shit. But so. Incomprehensible. It's so incomprehensible to think it's. You can't. Even. I can't even to think about how long ago, how much. We were just animals at some point in our. Fucking. Yeah, I. Was a nasty crossover. Got so much I. Yeah. So many. who knows, who knows truth. Also what are we not have right now that 100 years are going to be like they were brutes. They're fucking savages. They hadn't even figured out how to teleport places yet. Whatever it is, you know what I'm saying? And imagine a world not teleporting. Oh my gosh, maybe the walk places I die. I'd rather be dead. Yeah. That's how we think about. And I live in what they see, you know. Yeah. Right. Oh, God. I don't know. Kill me, kill me now I'm done. I didn't even know about that shit. There's no clue about that shit. You know. Air conditioning. Yeah. So. Yeah, that. So all of that. Well, when I think about that, about, like, the massive jumps and then now I'm sitting here with fuckin Instagram and Netflix and fucking Call of Duty Warzone. I'm just like, it's such a weird. It's such a privileged place to be at, to be in this place where you could do nothing and be like, there's like food down the road at the grocery center. It's all sorts of crazy things keeping me alive here versus like 500 years ago. So not the case. Are we going to go there again 500 years in the future? Are we going to make that big jump again? Allegedly, I think so. Maybe we already did. Maybe Egypt already did, and then we lose. It and then we get it again, and then we lose it again, and then we get it again. Is that just the paradox of man? Maybe that's the. Garden of Eden story. We get it, lose it, hopefully find it again. I think I've heard. I think I've heard. I don't even know. I think maybe Billy Carson mentions it, but Joe Jump, I think he talks about it on. A recent pod, but the idea that we fucking get visited by the. Aliens or whatever, whenever we're. Ready, whenever we finally get to that point. Where we ascend past all these. Problems, all these human problems. I think I mentioned it before, but it's like, I think we get to that point. I'm not sure what the fuck happens. But I think we can we can get there. We can do it. We can become like the advanced civilization. The one that advances passes like basic human bullshit. At least like hunger. We have like, hunger and like, health care. Like, you know what I'm saying? We're, like, taking care of people, and no one's, like, starving to death. I think that's a good start. I think we can get there. I think we get there pretty quickly. I think I've heard that there's like, enough food to, like, make that happen. Like, now. Yeah. They optimize. For it. And then we could just like eventually habitat. If we build this society where we're fucking. We're there, man. We make it. And maybe that's what our pursuit is as humans. Or maybe it's, like referring to, like, the Egyptians. Maybe they had, like, an advanced civilization, but maybe we just fuck it up. But maybe eventually we don't fuck it up. And we do get to that point where we make it pass, whatever the fuck we keep allowing to happen. Yeah, that fucks up our society. Because maybe, I don't know, man. I'm pretty convinced that Egypt was on some shit. They were on some. Work and see. Some nuclear reactors. In that pyramid. Yeah, they were more advanced than we can imagine potentially. And if that's true, then like, who knows how many times we've gone through this cycle. Of. No society society, no society, society thriving society. and then no society maybe should say no. Or I think we're just what we're saying is that like the human folly or just like part of. Our freaking, like our nature. Yeah. To like, have. What we want or what? You know what I'm saying? To be. In there. To be in the garden. Yeah. And then to lose it. And to lose. It, and then to go through realizing that you wouldn't want to lose it, you know, you'd rather follow the rules or align yourself with God. Well, I feel like that. That might be the story. What goes on here, you know what I'm saying? if you're trying to draw. Allegory from the Bible into, like, almost like a mythological understanding of our existence here. Yeah, I think we're all trying to come to a place of. Understanding about who you. Spirituality or what the fuck's going on here. The source. Where are we. From? What's generating all of this? Yeah. What am I doing here? Yeah. What am I doing here? I think it going on a run. I think you're on it. Right. That's a thing here for a purpose. You're here for a reason. And there's a voice inside your head. Like talking to you about it. Your internal guidance system. You can feel it. But yeah. So that's an entirely. You can feel it. It's in there. It's in there. When I talk about feeling it, it's all we're doing. In my life has been kind of like pair pulling this marathon to my life. Now this feels like that and this feels like this and this feel like that. Like I felt like maybe 3 or 4 months ago. I felt like what it felt like I was like, I'm out 21. I was just. Like, yeah, damn, six more miles. That's now I got some out 23. And that ladies like, you're at the end. Like this is pretty much it. And I was able to like, Garner more strength. And then now like legitimately now I was saying about it today I was like, this is feels like like the end. Like I'm just like, still running. Sure. But like, this is like we're getting to the end of the of the marathon. I'm, I'm like convinced that, like, we're close to. The finish line, you. Know, Preach. Where's God go. Yes. But that's also me just trying to draw. I mean if it's a, it's a feeling process is I'm telling you trust my feelings. Like when I feel like something feels like something I try to like listen to that intuition. Yeah bro. Interpretive systems. My thing I remember I was going to say. About the it's like we're here. I think we're here to learn about ourselves and to come to a place of understanding about the idea of Jesus Christ, regardless of whatever your religious affiliations are. And I guess that being the idea that Jesus Christ is trying to hold on or like preach to us is like to be try and emulate the best version of yourself you could possibly imagine, like being Christ like. And then also within that. Being able to. Added the lost in that it doesn't work. Just feels. Like an important. Thing. To have that, I guess to be able to accept or you have to be Christ like and then to be able to, I guess, obviously the ultimate sacrifice, but also. Oh man, I'm losing it. I'm right there on teetering on it. I'm teetering on the. Brink, you know. Teeter totter with you all day long. It sounds like you're trying to talk about the human folly. Like the the name of the game. What man's thing is. Because we started talking. About had to find out about, like, I guess that being your best self and sacrificing your day. Sacrificing everything to the idea of the like, the best self, like the Christ like version of yourself. And then like the God dwells within us, like the Holy Spirit or like. The the. Creator of the universe is like within, like within ourselves. It's like more or less kind of as a part, partially, partially the message, like the kingdom of God is within. So it's like we can unlock that. So it's like those two things, brothers, whatever your religious affiliations are, it's like being your best self and then treating yourself as if you host the creator of the universe inside of you. Or like you have a like you're that special, like you have that connection. We all have that connection because we're here. We're fucking here. Like, and because of that, we're here like it's inarguable. Like we have this connection with that thing. We wouldn't be here otherwise. We won't be able to perceive this like that. But. that's what one. Point to bring home. Those those are, those are, those are two of them. Oh. But then I think also in the gospel, it talks about like the idea that once you do have that perception and have that ability and have that agency or that relationship, then to. Like your what. Is it like, compelled, you're compelled to like, share that. And so like, share the good news and spread the good news. I think that's like part of what will happen in our life journey is like we like seven years ago we came into contact like roughly seven plus in that ballpark. We were coming into contact like slowly was surely coming into contact is like if thought word keeps coming to mind with the fucking ethereal realm. And we weren't even, like, really thinking like, quite like that, like prior to that, that time frame. But then right around that time, seven years ago and from that point we got like for sure it was like, boom. Like the fucking it was just like rotating, rotating, rotating. And then it finally rotated all the way around to where we could see the image or like become understandable of like, oh my God, this is there's so much more here than I can ever imagine. Like, I'm so much wanted, just the body. There's so much more going on behind the scenes in this ethereal, spiritual realm that I'm able to perceive with these super mega multi vitamins. Like whenever that started happening, like that was like our boom and then like now, like the way that we're trying to like preach our gospel and our, our own testimony is like through our, our mediums is like exactly like what we're doing. You know what I'm saying? Like our music and like the podcast and just you don't have to make a music or make a podcast or make a show or make a movie or make a piece of art to, like, spread the good news. You could just, like, fucking be the good news in your day to day life. And like, I think that's part of what we're doing here, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. That's part of what we're going to be doing here. Partially at I think that about sums it up for my existence. I don't really think partially. I think that's pretty much all of it. There's like my entire existence. Yeah. And I guess in charge of trying to encourage people to develop that relationship with God or whatever the hell you want to call it. Whatever's going on, that thing that's inside of you, like the the thing that puts breath in your lungs, like, how the. Hell how. Do you can all this body digesting and all this oxygen and carbon dioxide and your skin is growing and dying and your hairs growing and dying and all this crazy shit going on, you have no control or input or any any idea that. Well, if you told me to that while I was on mushrooms, I would be like, what? Yeah, all that's happening all the time. All the time. And I don't have stopping everyone. You know, one rapper down. We got a little late night pod. We had to get anything we can get it in. Sometimes in life, you gotta get it in when you can fit it in. That's just like this was the night pod. It's a notepad. The night pod? Yes, sir. Yeah, we went to. We went in there for a little bit. Last man was long. Two. You really driving at home and at the in there? I'm really into that. I feel like. That's. To sum it up. You're like to understand it. Recognize that like I can do all things and like. Then I. Have a Jiminy Cricket cricket conscience. That's like pushing me and compelling me down where I feel like I'm supposed to go. And then with this piece of you inside of you, this divine piece of you that can do all things, the part of you that's connected to the everyone that is the source, that part. And in honor of that part, you want to. Treat it. Like the hero that is the ultimate hero of all time would be Jesus. And to try to be Christlike with that combination of divinity and conscious, and then to achieve that. And then while you you're doing that in your own narrative to try to help as many people come to the realization that that is the most important pursuit as possible. Yes. And that that's like the culmination of how to go about life as a whole. If you were just going to be one of those kids that was going into that thought experiment where it's like you have a perfect, nurturing, stable life and you're going to the school that has a good structure system. It's like, what do you do then? Like what? What what are you playing these games to go? Do you know what I'm saying? So like, I guess you would just hopefully realize you can do everything and then follow your conscience down the road of where you feel called to go and then in the pursuit of that, be Christ like. That's yeah. That's the name of the game, I think. I think that's a fair outline for what anybody should be trying to do here. I think that might be what's going on here. Why not just Margarita's on the beach forever? It's like, that's pretty much like the other argument. It's like, if you're not going to do margaritas on the beach, well, we might as well do something maximally worthwhile. The most worthwhile thing you could possibly imagine to. Be your true self, to watch the stars align to. I think, yeah, that's just. It's the same thing, though, as being in the Garden of Eden, right? Because like, things are like perfect. Just like if you're if your life was perfect, everything played out perfectly. And there's just like the misalignment with God's will that creates like folly in that process. And half God's will is like nearly impossible. It's a thing, though, is like, get to pray for it. It's like, beg for it. Like, yeah. Because we can't. Know it. We can't know it fully. And it's so hard just to do what you're supposed to do in the first place. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. By your own definition. Yeah. So like, your will is, like, automatically not God's will. for it. But I think God's will and your will is, like, not that far apart for what your day would currently look like. It's just like being up when you're supposed to be up and fucking. Not. Distracting yourself before you get your day. Started, admitting to things that you legitimately deem worthwhile, and then putting in good effort towards them. Yeah, on a like a like handling those responsibilities up to the utmost. So well. Defined. That's it. So well defined. So yeah that's it. That's a lot. What do we talk about today. Geez I you know I really drove it that. Yeah. No that was money we're talking about. God I don't want marathons. To monopolize the marathon. Keep going. Can't stop. Gotta keep. Going. Got to keep going. Hopefully we can be that espresso to encourage you to keep going. Shia LaBeouf, do it. Just do it. Do it right now. Right now you can decide. I'm also talking to. Myself, like, just do it. Just fucking do it, bro. Close the call of duty, bro. What are you doing? Brother? That's going to hit later. Yeah. I love myself in the face like fuck. And that's not how you do. It's rhythmic. Two things will exponentially get better for. You beyond your wildest dream. Just get the ball rolling. Just roll them and ball. Snowball, baby. snowball squad like comment, subscribe, share. Tell a friend, be a friend. so yeah, I.

The MJ38 Show

Episode #50

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