Season 9 Episode 3: Why Most People Don't Set Goals - Don't Be Most People

Are you setting goals and achieving goals? Maybe it’s procrastination, perfectionism, past failures, or just the belief that you can’t do it.  Listen in as Master Certified Life Coach Melissa Wiggins explains why we don’t go after the life we really want, and find out what you can do instead. 

JOIN Master Certified Life Coach Melissa Wiggins for 4 WEEKS of her new group workshop BRAVERY AND BELIEF BUILDING: ONE GOAL AT A TIME . It’s time to get brave and step outside your comfort zone BUT in community, with guidance! Coach Mummabear has tested tools ready to share with you.

Learn how to set goals, and how to track them so you achieve them, in an encouraging group setting. Get out of your comfort zone. That’s where the life you really want is.  

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Find the FULL Transcript Here: Season 9 Episode 3: Why Most People Don't Set Goals - Don't Be Most People

Transcript

Melissa Wiggins  00:05

Anybody can set goals. But are you setting it in a way that's actually going to achieve the goal? Or are you saving it at all.

 (Music)

Melissa Wiggins  00:17

You're never going to get more energy and you're never going to create more time in your calendar, if you do not get clear.

  (Music)

Melissa Wiggins  00:28

I want to shift your belief about wholesale. This could change your whole frickin life.

  (Music)

Melissa Wiggins  00:35

Hello lassies and lads. Welcome to another episode of Coaching and a Cup of Tea with Coach Mummabear. Hello, good morning. It is a beautiful, sunny Florida day. And it's winter here, but I'm pretty sure it's already like 75. And it's like 98. So I'm so sorry, if you're listening to this from somewhere cold. I used to live in Scotland for 26 years. So I understand how hard gray skies and winters are. And so I am sending you some sunshine your way. And hopeful that this winter, you get to see some sunshine somewhere.

Melissa Wiggins  01:21

And that brings me to my topic for today, I want to change how you think about goal setting. So, I naively used to think that you save the goal, you work on the goal, and you achieve the goal. And now after coaching so many women on this particular topic, what I have found is that not only do perfectionism and procrastination impacts how we set goals or lapses, if we even set them at all, they really consistent our growth as lassies in this world who want to do big things. And if you're listening, and you're like, Well, I'm not a perfectionist, and I'm not a procrastinator, I'm going to ask you to keep listening anyway, because I've done a lot of research on why do people not say goals? Most people lassies? Don't say goals? How crazy is that? But it's true. Most people don't set goals. So it got me super curious about why don't we say them. And then I was like, Oh, I couldn't figure out a solution to this problem. And so I wanted to go over some of the problems that came up, because I have noticed a sort of pattern. And these high achieving incredible smart lassies that I work with, they're the best, okay. And if you're listening to this podcast, and you're on the peripheral of coach, Mama bears coaching world, you know how much I for advocating and empowering each and every one of you. And I really think that this work can propel you in a way that a lot of other work can't. And because of that I believe that the return on investment and not only changing the way you think about goal setting, but digging into the work underneath it is really the biggest thing because anybody can set a goal. But are you setting it in a way that's actually going to achieve the goal? Or are you setting it at all?

Melissa Wiggins  03:44

So one of the things that came up of the reasons why people don't say goals is that they've already done it, and they failed, right? So it's like, oh, I set this goal, and it didn't happen. So goal setting just doesn't work for me. And yes, I understand why one might think that to be true.

Melissa Wiggins  04:08

But also, what if you worked with Coach Mummabear and you learn the model that I have created from coaching many women, I've created a tool that we're going to work on for four whole weeks going through how do you go say and doing it in real time together? And you know, it's funny because I was working with my own coach and and really digging into how can I best serve my community and the collective of people that are around me. And so I just really started digging into where that would start and what that would look like and I really just kept coming back to I want to teach lassies how to go sick but I also One to eradicate as much as I can the fear around goal setting. And a lot of it comes from I tried, it didn't work. Some other reasons are, we get comfortable, right? We're comfortable in our life and the way things are and autopilot is our friend. And our subconscious just loves to predict and know what's happening. It just does. It doesn't like change. It's why change always feels so rough on us. And so when we set goals, like I want to adopt a child, or I want to grow my business, or I want to have a better relationship with my family, whatever they are, there's that side of us that's like, Oh, what is just so comfy over here, and my subconscious sofa.

Melissa Wiggins  05:54

And I'm not going to go over to that uncomfortable, conscious minded chair over there. Thanks, but no thanks. And that is why lassy, we have to do this work together. When we do it together, we see other people, if you've been around here for more than three minutes, you know how much I feel about group work group projects, okay? It's not like it isn't College, everybody does their part. And not only did they do their part, they encouraged the other person in the room to do their part also. So this idea of goals and pushing into goals that I want to help you with, I want to do it in a group saving because I want you to know, you have the support of coach Mummabear. But you also have other people who are working on this stuff, too. And when you're there, you can maybe just walk over with a friend to the uncomfortable conscious chair. Okay, I might be taking this analogy a little too far. I'll stop, okay.

Melissa Wiggins  07:05

The other reason is instant gratification. Okay, we live in this world, where everything is right now we can get food to our door, we can get meals made right at our door, right? We don't even have to go to the frickin grocery store or Starbucks. I remember the first time I went through a drive thru bank, and I was like, wow, I don't even have to get out of my car. This is amazing, right? So everything is just at our disposal. The same with social media, we get instant dopamine. And that has created a society of people, including myself, who really have to push harder in order to move away from instant gratification to more long term gratification. And that is the world I live in lassies. And that is the world I want to bring you into. Okay. Another reason is, I don't have time and I don't have the energy. And I say to my clients all the time, we have to pause we have to slow down in order to speed up, you're never going to get more energy and you're never going to create more time in your calendar. If you do not get clear, it is impossible. You will just keep going on the frickin hamster wheel and you won't stop. So if you want to create more energy and time in your life, pause. Stop. Take this break with us.

Melissa Wiggins  08:33

If you're listening to this in real time we start February 7, okay? If you're listening in real time, February 7, you can apply to do this with us up until the D O okay. Yes, that is how much I want you here, there is no cutoff. We can work on all of these things  and together set your goals.

Melissa Wiggins  08:57

Another thing that people say is you know the identical and they did it for someone else. And when you do goals for someone else, like you're going to lose the weight so that your partner I don't know loves you. Or you're going to start listening to the books or reading the books or doing the things so that you have something in common with your sister or whatever the reason when we do goals for other people. Yes, they're very difficult to keep. What I like to say is when we set goals, we set them with us at the center of them knowing that the ripple effect of those goals will impact everyone and our whole freakin life. But that is not the reason we're doing it. It doesn't start with them. Okay? Growth starts with you. It will impact them, but it starts with you lassies, listen. 

Melissa Wiggins  09:49

These are just a couple of reasons that I have heard, that I have researched. The biggest reason, lassies, is a lack of belief, and you're like, Oh, here she goes with her belief consciousness. But also, you know, I'm right. You know I am okay. Our most repeated thoughts become our belief about ourselves. That is a fact, a scientific fact that is not something Coach Mummabear made up. It's true, I promise.

Melissa Wiggins  10:23

So if I think over and over and over goal setting is just not for me, I've done goals before I failed, identical for my husband. It didn't change our marriage or identical for my sister, it didn't change our relationship. Whatever the reason is, that's coming up in your mind. I know right now, as you listen to this podcast, something is coming up in your mind that is a thought. A thought is a sentence and our mind, what happens is, our thoughts that are repeated become our belief about our sale. So then I repeat the thought over and over and over and guess what now I have this massive resistance to saving goals. Not just because I'm a perfectionist, or a procrastinator, or a people pleaser, or a codependent. But because I created these thoughts, and I keep repeating them over and over and over. I didn't question them. Right? I want to shift your belief about goal setting. I say that at the beginning of this episode, I'm saying again, at the end, I have literally made a four week workshop, it is my lowest point offer lassies. That does not mean it's not valuable. This could change your whole frickin life. Okay?

Melissa Wiggins  11:41

Now, the reason why I say goal setting and February, this is the reason why. In December, if you are a Mummabear, you are not thinking about yourself in December, okay, you're thinking about every buddy else, January, I don't know where January went. Nobody knows where January goes. January mostly goes where everything you have put off in December is now here. And so I have very deliberately scheduled this in February where there is a little piece of air and margin in your lungs lassies. And we're going to do something with it

Melissa Wiggins  12:20

 Okay, you and coach Mummabear. You're going to come live four weeks in a row Tuesday at 12. Eastern starting February 7. And we're going to work through the tool that I've created, you're going to receive a workbook, you're going to be in a group messaging with Mummabear, where you can ask as many questions as you like about the goals. We're going to say it and how we're gonna plan 2023 What's Yes, oh, and the price is 495. I know. It's insane. And I don't care that it's low point and low price. I want to give it to you. I want to show you how to do this. And I want to work with you. All of the links for everything is going to be in the show notes. If you are not listening to this in real time and you listen to this and you're new, this is going to be available to purchase on my website. The only thing you have to do is message me if you're like Coach Mummabear I'm not available between 12 and one every Tuesday in February. No problem, lassie, you will get access on the group texting and a recording and the workbook. Okay, so it's not a problem. I love you lassies and I hope you join me. I'm really, really pumped about this goal setting workshop and I really hope that you join me