Season 9 Episode 4: Your Favorite You with Melissa Parsons

Melissa Parsons wants to help you become your FAVORITE version of yourself. Not your best self. Not your worst self. Your favorite self – do you know who that is?

Listen in as Melissa joins Coach Mummbear, Master Certified Life Coach Melissa Wiggins, to talk about embracing our perfectly imperfect selves, how to repair relationships when things go wrong, and why we need to remember we’re going to change – we’re meant to! And we don’t have to apologize for it.

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Melissa Wiggins  00:01

All right, lassies, I'm interrupting this episode. And I may be interrupting other episodes to give little disclaimers when there may be some words that are not safe for the little ears. Okay? This episode is no one that I advise you listen to in your car, or your minivan if you are me, or if you're my clients, the cool Jeeps they have and drive along the beach. So you understand what I'm saying. There could be some words that are choice words, there could be some cuss words, and there could be some topics within the episode, that is not appropriate for your kids. Most of my episodes are fine. If they're not, I'm going to add this little disclaimer at the beginning of the episode – alert, alert, find your headphones. Now back to the episode.

Hello, lassies and lads, welcome to another episode of Coaching and a Cup of Tea with Mummabear. I have the one and only Melissa Parsons, who is not only the founder of this concept that I'm extremely excited to share with everybody. But she is also the podcast host of Your Favorite Y ou. And I'm obsessed with the entire concept. And so today we're going to be asking her how she came up with the concept what it means. How do you know what the answer to these questions are? Hello, Lassie.

Find the FULL Transcript Here: Season 9 Episode 4: Your Favorite You with Melissa Parsons

Transcript

Melissa Wiggins  00:01

All right, lassies, I'm interrupting this episode. And I may be interrupting other episodes to give little disclaimers when there may be some words that are not safe for the little ears. Okay? This episode is no one that I advise you listen to in your car, or your minivan if you are me, or if you're my clients, the cool Jeeps they have and drive along the beach. So you understand what I'm saying. There could be some words that are choice words, there could be some cuss words, and there could be some topics within the episode, that is not appropriate for your kids. Most of my episodes are fine. If they're not, I'm going to add this little disclaimer at the beginning of the episode – alert, alert, find your headphones. Now back to the episode.

Hello, lassies and lads, welcome to another episode of Coaching and a Cup of Tea with Mummabear. I have the one and only Melissa Parsons, who is not only the founder of this concept that I'm extremely excited to share with everybody. But she is also the podcast host of Your Favorite Y ou. And I'm obsessed with the entire concept. And so today we're going to be asking her how she came up with the concept what it means. How do you know what the answer to these questions are? Hello, Lassie.

Melissa Parsons  01:37

Hello, how are you today?

Melissa Wiggins  01:39

I'm wonderful.

Melissa Parsons  01:40

Thank you so much for having me.

Melissa Wiggins  01:42

I'm preparing for the second shift, you know the second shift that happens right at about 3pm If you have children?

Melissa Parsons  01:50

I do. I know it well.

Melissa Wiggins  01:52

This is the last one part of the day. And then 3 to 10pm or homework, showers, dinner, tutoring, all the fun stuff.

Melissa Parsons  02:04

All the fun stuff. Yes, I am a pediatrician by training. So I definitely coached a lot of parents through the idea of the second shift. And then I'm also a mom, but my boys are now 21 and 18 here and another month or so. So they don't need me so much in the second shift. So it's kind of been fun. I know it's a 5050, right, the the wanting them to like get older so that you can do all the fun things with them and that type of thing. And then also wanting them to stay babies and you know, so you can cuddle them and that type of thing.

Melissa Wiggins  02:40

It's funny because I think that coaching has just completely shifted how I look at that. So I love that you see like you've coached women on it, because I've done things now that prepare me to show up differently at 3pm. Right? Instead of like, I'm either on a call or a phone or just wait for me or whatever. I've completely shifted all of that, because I deep dived into my life, which is just another joy and amazing part of coaching Isn't it like I was and then we decide we're going to do something about it. Which by the way, this is another reason I loved your podcast. So in her podcast last season, she says something to the effect of I like to use all of the words in the English dictionary. So if there are small children around, just be careful of the ears or something like that. And I'm like totally paraphrasing. And I probably like No, no, no, it's close. But I love to ask like, that's genius. Yes, I need to use that. So good. Yeah,

Melissa Parsons  03:48

I love all of the words in the English language, English language, and if I could even speak them today. But I think I do feel it's necessary to give a little disclaimer, all of my girlfriends, and my family members know that if they call me to not put me on speakerphone unless they want to hear if their kids are in the car and that type of thing. So it's a well practiced behavior around here.

Melissa Wiggins  04:14

So fun. I recently did a speech in Texas, and I always watch my recordings over with my coach so I can get better. Yeah, like, wow, I say fuck a lot in that speech. I really got to really maybe rein that into a couple of times. Because like every joke I end with like and I'm like, Oh, okay. It was a lot. Yeah. I feel like I may have been the wrong audience.

04:48

Oops. I know. It's I was noticing I was interviewed on one of my old coaches podcasts and I said the word like so many times. And as I was listening back What I was like, I would rather that these be fucks than likes. I'm just gonna go with the F bomb instead of like,

Melissa Wiggins  05:11

So what is funny is so I don't say the F bomb around my children, but I do say shite,  which is, now, this whole podcast is going to be about cussing, lassies, we're not going to get to the point ever we're just going to talk about cuss words. Okay? So shite in Scotland just like a funny word, right? Like I'm obviously from Scotland. So it's like everyone says shite, but it's like we say it in a jokey way. Like it's like a fun word. Not, you know. And so now my kids like joke around about with me like about this word that I say. And now I have to pay them $5, Melissa, every time I see it, I'm like it's a joke guys.

05:51

The shite tax.

Melissa Wiggins  05:53

The absolute shite tax, so anyway, I digress. Hopefully no one listened to this with their children. I'll put a big disclaimer at the front. Because a lot of mummbears, but most of them are smart. And they put headphones on to listen to me. So

Melissa Parsons  06:09

yeah, that's smart. Yeah. And I will say like some of my proudest mom moments have been when my children have used the words correctly. And like Yes. If nothing else I have taught you how to, like emphasize what it is you're upset about, or what it is, you know, the perfect cadence, the perfect way of saying it. And so yes, there's nothing that goes unsaid here.

Melissa Wiggins  06:35

No, it's very funny to me when people are deeply offended by certain words. They're really just words. And especially when you get into coaching, right? And you realize, Hey, your circumstance, like you made it into, like, what it is, it's neutral, and like, you know, so now I'm like, wow, these words are neutral, you can decide what they mean.

Melissa Parsons  06:57

Yeah, I decided that it means that my children are geniuses, and that I'm a genius. And I'm keeping it.

Melissa Wiggins  07:03

I love it. All right. So I heard about this concept, your favorite you from a friend of ours, Jess Johnson, and I was obsessed and realize that I had to get you on the podcast to find out more about it. Because I'm so tired of hearing 'be your best self'. So talk to me a little bit about the concept and how you compare it to your best self, which I know you do in your podcast, and we'll link all of that. But for the listeners.

Melissa Parsons  07:31

Yeah, I would say that a lot of my coaching comes from what I call the best friend lens. So our best friends kind of see the best in us, right? And are always, you know, reminding us of who we are. When we forget, right? Yeah. So I often say to my clients, you know, if if you were talking to your best friend, or if you were talking to your five year old daughter or son, or whatever the case may be like, Would you ever say these words about you to them or about them to them? And you know, universally The answer, of course is no, absolutely not. So I came up with the concept of teaching women to become their favorite version of themselves, because that's going to change like, my favorite color used to be green. Now my favorite color is like a lavender. And I can change it like nobody says that I have to have the same and my favorite one I was

Melissa Wiggins  08:37

You can change. That's allowed? Yeah, yes. Say it louder for the people in the back, Melissa.

Melissa Parsons  08:46

Yeah, one of one of my favorite favorite memes is the caterpillar and butterfly sitting at a little cafe table. And you know, drinking their tea and the caterpillar says to the butterfly, you've changed. And the butterfly says we're supposed to.

Melissa Wiggins  09:05

Oh, I just got chills all over me.

Melissa Parsons  09:08

Yeah. I mean, right. We're not supposed to be the same person that we were 10 years ago, 20 years ago, and I don't want to be the same person in 10 years that I am right now. I know that there's different there's more like life is going to happen. And if you're always chasing this best version that is fictionalized. It also implies that there's a worst version of me.

Melissa Wiggins  09:37

Yeah. I love that. When I heard that in your podcast when you're explaining I was like, Oh, yeah.  That hits home.

Melissa Parsons  09:44

. Yeah. So there's no worst version. We always have value. We get to change what makes us us. Yeah. And we don't have to apologize for it.

Melissa Wiggins  09:57

Wait, what?

Melissa Parsons  09:59

Yeah, I'll say it louder. We don't have to apologize for it. That's another huge thing I coach my clients on all the time, like, even, like, stop fucking apologizing to me. Like you couldn't make it to an appointment with me because something life happened like, no apologies necessary, like the schedule always works out, we will reschedule. Now, if you're constantly rescheduling, because the coaching is getting tender, then let's coach about that.

Melissa Wiggins  10:30

I love that. Don't you love spotting that? Right? So funny how we try to protect ourselves,

Melissa Parsons  10:38

Always right? We are always always always trying to keep ourselves safe. So even when we're not acting as our favorite version of ourself, it's like, Why did I do that? It's always some version of I wanted to keep myself safe, or I wanted to keep my family safe, or I wanted to keep my child safe, of course, makes total sense. No,

Melissa Wiggins  11:02

I do love that I and I talk a lot about that in my coaching and my work, you know that our, our subconscious brain just loves being in the know, it loves being in the vessels, what's predictable, I know what's happening. And so just normalizing some of that, right? Like, of course, you're not gonna want to come to this next appointment, because you know that we're talking about this thing that's been hard for you? Of course you wouldn't want to. And also you show up.

Melissa Parsons  11:38

Exactly. for yourself. Yeah, I think probably other than fuck, the two most common words I use with my clients is of course, of course,

Melissa Wiggins  11:52

I love that makes total sense.

Melissa Parsons  11:56

And let's figure out, do you actually need protection? Do you actually need safety? Can you find safety within your own body? As long as your physical safety is not being harmed? Like that's a totally different, yeah, beast. And we actually need our sympathetic nervous system to put us into fight or flight or freeze or appease, yeah, but most of the time, we're going around with this activated, sympathetic nervous system that doesn't need to be activated at all. And so helping people see that over and over and over again,

Melissa Wiggins  12:29

And then we respond to life from that place, right?

Melissa Parsons  12:36

Yes.

Melissa Wiggins  12:37

I love what you said a minute ago, though, I love that you are for your clients normalizing this because I feel like that is one of the most beautiful things about getting to coach other mama bears is that they don't have to no live with this shit, in their head where they think that they're somehow different and that their brains are just wack or crazy, or these thoughts are abnormal. So I love hate your second favorite word is "of course." Yes, yeah, this is so normal.

Melissa Parsons  13:07

It's funny, because, you know, I've been officially a coach since 2020. But I was a pediatrician for 20 years before that. And I had, unbeknownst to me, been coaching new mama bears in the office. And I feel so terrible for the generation of moms right now, where there is this constant like compare and despair of the perfect quote unquote, mom, that doesn't exist, just as a spoiler alert, right? And, you know, they just are constantly put up against this fictional perfect mom, and none of us would ever ever live up to it, even if we tried. So it's like, it's okay to like, give up on trying and just do what feels intuitive to you most of the time. And I think that a lot of us are taught as young people to go against our intuition. Yeah. So helping women come back to Oh, no, like, you had a gut feeling. And you did the opposite. That's what got you into trouble. You didn't follow your gut, you did what somebody else thought was best or was best for them when they were following their gut. It's going to be different for each of us.

Melissa Wiggins  14:27

I love on your podcast something that you said because I also see it which is there is no winning and losing, right. Like there's like winning and then there's like learning right? Like the rest of it is learning. And so if you're listening right now, and you're like, man, there's been a big season in my life where I have not listened to my gut, right? Like I haven't listened to my intuition I've gone against it hasn't failed, right? Just know that it's just part of the learning, right? You're not losing there's no right like I have learned so many things and those life lessons seasons where I went against it. 

Melissa Parsons  15:05

Hmm, yeah, for sure. And it's interesting because, you know, you can always go back and repair, not always, in many of the cases, you can go back and repair what damage quote unquote you think was done. So to give you just a quick example, when my son Jack was like in fifth grade, he is a very smart person. And he works very hard in school. And he's a delight. I love every little bit of him. And he came home and he had an A in a class, and there was an opportunity for extra credit. And he said, you know, Mom, I'm not going to do it. Now. He's a junior in college now. So this has been several years ago. And, you know, the first words out of my mouth were, oh, Jack Parsons, do extra credit. Thinking, you know, you might need these points in the future, like you're trying to create safety for him, right? You might miss, like, bomb a test or something and need these points, like the kid has never bombed a test in his life. But this is like just my old thinking of like, get as many points as you can. 110% which, again, spoiler alert, no such thing. It doesn't even exist, you don't have to go for it. But at the time, you know, I said those words to him. And then, you know, fast forward to when I found coaching, I recognized, oh, wait, you don't have to do the extra credit. You don't even have to get an A, like, it's okay to not do that. And, and I said to him, you know, he's like, 18 At this point, and I was like, remember that time? I told you Parsons do extra credit. And I was like, I just want to like, take that back. I don't believe that anymore. And you can decide if you want to believe you can, it's up to you. Right. But I just want to offer that it's not necessary. And, you know, he looked at me like I was crazy for a minute. I mean, we're right out in the kitchen. I can remember it to this day. And he was like, okay, Mom, thanks. And, you know, just for me being able to say those words to him. And once I realized that, that wasn't what I believed anymore. Like my favorite version of me when he was in fifth grade, said Parsons do extra credit. My favorite version of me now was like, Dude, you know, he came home last weekend. And he said, You know, I think it sucks mom that I have to decide right now. You know what I want to do for the rest of my life? And I was like, Oh, you're confused. You have to decide what you want to do right now? Yes, I can like it for a little bit. And then you can change. Or you can like it for 20 years and change. Yeah. And you can like something and quit it.

Melissa Wiggins  18:01

I just actually did a post on Instagram saying exactly that. Because I started off my career as a lawyer. And I'm obviously not a lawyer now. And I've had many other careers and the middle of that there have been other life. It's like, how old is this woman? There's a lot of eggs in there. And I feel like we need to normalize that so much. And I'm so grateful that we get to do that for our kids, right? That, like kid who's like, I think I'll be a YouTuber, and I think I'll be a chef and I, okay, you can be both actually, if you wanted, you could be a YouTuber. That's for a chef, that's a YouTuber. I don't know. Whatever sounds amazing. Sounds amazing. And I will watch your show, it will be brilliant. And so you know, now we're watching all these cooking shows. And it's fun, and it's just fun being on that adventure with them. But I love how you sort of explain that right? That your, your favorite note is not going to be your favorite future. And I talk a lot about future self work. I'm really kind of obsessed with it. Because I really tried to make a lot of decisions, thinking about what my future brain would want and love and light. Yeah, because I know, I'm not the same as what I was a year ago, Melissa, not the same as I was six months ago.

Melissa Parsons  19:25

Right now. Thank goodness, right?

Melissa Parsons  19:28

Yes, for everyone...God bless.

19:33

I mean, the people that can handle it will be there.   Melissa, version, you know, 72

Melissa Wiggins  19:40

Yeah, totally. Right. So tell me how do you coach people on finding out what their favorite version of them as because one of the challenges I have found and coaching successful women is that a lot of the time they come to me and they're like, Well, I don't know what I like and I don't know what my favorite movie is? Or my favorite foods or whatever, I had a career, then I had kids. And now I'm trying to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life.

Melissa Parsons  20:10

Yeah, I think, for me, the best question that I ask is, if no one else had an opinion, or if you didn't care what their opinion was, and you were the only one who you know, gets to have a say, and you know that you're constantly going to be evolving, like what you say, you want to be as your favorite version in 10 years, maybe it's just a a guidepost. It's not, like set in stone, like, I have to do this. I think for most of us who are successful, we've had a relatively risk free path laid out for us that we follow it, I'm sure it's the same to become an attorney as it was to become a doctor. Like, once you follow the rules, and for a good girl, right? Literally did all the things checked all the boxes, you know, with your perfectionistic, and people pleasing, and, you know, thinking that you had control when you never did.

Melissa Wiggins  21:17

I love those three episodes. So it's, by the way, I'm going to link those episodes specifically because my two favorite books in the entire world are Untamed and The Gifts of Imperfection. I read them on repeat. And in fact, you can I don't know if you can see out there, but I actually have a Glennon Doyle quote that says, I found the memo presenting motherhood as martyrdom. I decided that the call to motherhood is to become a model, not a martyr  ~ Glennon Doyle. And it's literally above my sign to remind myself of why I'm here, in this office, doing this work.

Melissa Parsons  21:53

So good. I love that. I love that. I love that. But yeah, I think just using it as a guidepost and not making it something that you have to accomplish. But just when you're going about your day to day, it's like, oh, just my favorite version of me set an alarm every morning and get up and work out or does my favorite version of me let the natural sunlight wake me up. Stuff as simple as that.

Melissa Wiggins  22:21

Or maybe your favorite version of you sets an alarm during the week. And then on the weekend. It doesn't Yeah, right. Like you can have both, lassies.

Melissa Parsons  22:31

Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I think it's just be awareness. I think that when I'm not acting as my favorite version of me too. And not using that to like, shame myself or blame myself or anything like that. It's just like, oh, no, I just got off course a little bit. I can go back. Yeah. And the other story I'll share that I think was really profound for me was, and I think I shared it on the podcast already. But when I was upset one day, and I was very activated, and I recognize that I was acting in a way that I didn't love. I was trying to slam my like, soft, close cabinets. And my younger son Owen was like, What the fuck is wrong with you? Because I use all the words they do too. And I was like, You know what, buddy? I don't know. I'm like, I'm just feeling this sort of way. And it hit me. He doesn't remember that. This used to be how I was all the time. Yeah. Like I had such a short fuse when they were younger. And when I was working full time, and there just weren't enough hours in the day. And I always felt like I was behind. And I had a very hard time staying in the present moment. You know, thanks to coaching and like my willingness to recognize that that wasn't how I wanted to live the rest of my life. I think that awareness of there might be a different way to do this was huge. And, you know, once I did figure out, like, what was wrong with me, I went in and talked to him and said, Oh, this thing happened, and I haven't had a chance to process it yet. And I was like, taking it out on the cabinets. And he was like, okay, you know, but just that awareness and...

Melissa Wiggins  24:22

I love that you have those conversations too, because I am very open with my kids. I have a very, very deeply connected to them. I tried to be very honest with them. And I and I know that not everybody parents that way because I've had comments about like, wow, like you have that conversation with them. And I'm like, Yeah, because it was because of them, that I went on a path to figure out how to not be a yeller. And I grew up in a yelling home and that's not the reason to be a yeller, right. But it was just what I thought was normal. Yeah, that's the theory. Once you raise your voice, you yell like a maniac. And then everybody actually gets in the vehicle. Okay? Now we're everyone's in the vehicle.

Melissa Parsons  25:13

Everybody's crying, but we're all in the vehicle.

Melissa Wiggins  25:16

And we're on our way, right. And they basically, because I have that honest, open relationship, we're just like, mom, like, we really don't like it when you yell us, and we need for you to stop. And so now, I rarely yell. But when I start to get like, a little more activated in my voice, my 11 year old will be like, Mumm, you're doing it. And I'll, it's almost like a joke. We laugh about it now. Right? It's like, no, they're seeing the human side of me. And also that I can be someone who can stop and pause and you know, like, it's, it's really beautiful. And I love that because I don't want them to think that I'm a perfect person who doesn't ever get activated or have all of the, you know, facade of emotions. I have all of them like I'm a woman. 

25:30

Yeah. A human on the planet. Yes. smorgasbord of emotions. Yeah, I mean, I think that is huge.

Melissa Wiggins  26:20

My favorite version of me, talks with my kids about all the things right. My favorite version of me, allows my children to be open and honest, when they think I'm doing something good or bad. You know, there are some times where I'm like, wow, I felt like, put on my big girl pants for these conversations, right? Like, let me just do some downward dog first, and I'll be back. Right? It's it's like, Whoa, it's a lot. But at the same time, how cool is that? How cool is that? That they can bring their alottness into the conversation with me.

Melissa Parsons  26:57

Yes. Oh, yeah. Because I mean, I think that, especially for my clients, and, you know, most of us were raised in a situation where all the emotions and all the conversations were not allowed, right. And through no fault of our parents, or grandparents, or the people who raised us own, like, just didn't have time for it necessarily. And they didn't recognize the importance of feeling their own emotions. So, of course, why would they, you know, make time to do that, you know, with their kids. And I think just knowing that our parents are human, knowing that you're allowed to be human in this relationship, and you're allowed to make mistakes, and, like, let's figure out, like how we want to get out of this hole that we've dug for ourselves. And it's not a problem that you're in the hole. It's just a problem that you don't know how to get out of it. And, like, let me help you. And the best way I can think to show that to our kids is not to do it, or not to tell them how to do it, but to actually model it for them. Like mom makes mistakes all the time. Mom and Dad sometimes have arguments, it's normal to argue with a person that you've been married to for 27 years. Yeah, that is a normal behavior. But it's also normal, to make yourself available to make up and to apologize and to take your, you know, take ownership over your part in the argument.

Melissa Wiggins  28:32

Yeah, I love that. And I just want to like, if anyone is like, wow, I just want to like be very clear. I am so far from the perfect mother. I try very hard, okay. It is a lifelong passion of mine, that I will just work really, really, really hard at forever. And I love those little chips today. I will do anything for them. And also, I am very human. And if you're listening, do not give yourself a hard time that you Yale do not give yourself a hard time just to say it and I love that like decide right now. What is my favorite version of a mum do? What is my favorite version of a mum and this season do and when I asked myself those questions, which was not that exact question. At the time, it was well she doesn't yell. She's not a yeller. She's a talker, a passionate talker, but she's a talker.

Melissa Parsons  29:36

Yeah, because I mean, think about it. Like it feels good in the moment for us to yell for that like one little second. But then we just bring at least for me back when I was a yeller, it just brings up all the shame. And literally everybody's crying, me included. Right? And any time that we you know, have that interaction with our kids, we have to spend time healing that interaction. And there's nothing wrong. I forget who I think it was. I actually I know for sure I'm doing a trauma informed training with this amazing woman, her name is Bonnie Badenoch. And she has taught us in our class. And I know it's not her exact research, and I'm not going to be able to remember who, because I'm not perfect. But that with our kids, we only have to quote unquote, get it right, about a third of the time. Oh, great. And then so I know, right. And then the other 67% is what's called rupture and repair. Like we have something we yell, and then or we say, You must do the extra credit, or we're slamming the kitchen cabinets. And then we go in and repair that relationship by saying, like, that wasn't my favorite version of me who yelled at you earlier, I'm really working on my favorite version of me as a mom is not a yeller. She's a passionate talker, or my favorite version of me is not someone who expects perfection out of their kids, I am allowing you to make mistakes. And while the stakes are low, like let's make all the mistakes here where I can support you. And you know, then hopefully, when you're older, and you make a mistake, that the stakes are not low, you'll know how to support yourself, or you'll know how to seek out support from somebody who can help you.

Melissa Wiggins  31:32

Yeah, and I mean, that's the other part of this. You know, as a coach, sometimes I joke around like, god bless any child who is the parent of a coach, I honestly think it's worse than a therapist or a psychologist. Like Charlie said, Yesterday, my five year old was like, Well, I gave her like, our water bottle. And she was like, well, but what if it like spells all over my back? And I was like, really? Like, would you like to thought reset that sweetheart? God bless. I mean, feel for them so much. But you know, I do think that you can talk to your coach or your therapist about this later. I can't handle everything during child, I am going to try this on a lot of your stuff. But there's some stuff you're just gonna have to put in a ball and save it for later. Exactly, any of you.

Melissa Parsons  32:21

And I mean, then having like, no shame that you need somebody to look at your thoughts. When they're adults. It's like there's no shame in having to go to a coach or go to a therapist or take medication if you need to, like no shame.

Melissa Wiggins  32:36

The best. Yeah, no. And my kids have lots of different things like most children, but they're they're really are open to it. And I do think that is in big part because they see me saying, Well, I have a therapy appointment. Well, I have you know, I'm sober, Melissa. So I go to recovery meetings every week. So they know, every Thursday night. Oh, you have your meeting again. Yeah, that's right. You're gonna help those people stay sober. And I'm like, well, they kind of helped me but yeah, sure, we all help each other. You know, but like, basically that and they've seen it their whole childhood, because they've never, you know, drank alcohol at going in their childhood. And so they, they see that and they see this person who they also kind of like, and it's kind of fun. But like she has to do more than be that. And I feel like that. I don't know. It's such a gift.

Melissa Parsons  33:26

So beautiful. Yeah. So so beautiful. Yeah, I'm sober as well. I quit drinking in 2018. And graduations. Yeah, it was just one of those things where I was like, session at bar. Oh, it's like the best step. And I don't miss it one little bit. Never. And like I have no, I was just with a huge group of people. And, you know, half of them drink and half of them don't and like, you know, our dance on a table completely sober. Like, it doesn't affect my ability to have fun. That was a worry. Initially, I was like, am I going to be funny, am I

Melissa Wiggins  34:09

I know, I was dancing on stage last week. And I say I joke around. I'm like, can you imagine if I actually drank? (laughter) Like, terrifying....like, no.

Melissa Parsons  34:23

So good. Yeah. But I love the idea of not having to buffer away your evenings. Right? Because that's when most of us would, you know, have a glass of wine or a cocktail or whatever. And, like be able to actually be present with yourself and with the kids. And yeah, like I used to think that   a glass of wine would like take the edge off and I'm like, oh, no, that's not it.

Melissa Wiggins  34:51

I know.

Melissa Parsons  34:52

It doesn't even do that. Just makes things worse

Melissa Wiggins  34:55

Super disappointing but it's not. And it's it's you know, it's fun. Only because now you know we started to live in this mum you know mums I don't know what you call them I forget even know like where they have like the cup, you know, obviously we're on a podcast but I'm holding up a cup here on the video. Like the the mum drinks, you know, at the sports activities or all the things and by the way, I am not judging those things. I just know that from experience, drinking never made a nothing in my life better at bar, it made everything in my life harder, it made my anxiety worse and made me feel like shit the next day, it made me feel so much more shame. It didn't help with anything. So like the idea of it helping or just get me to seven o'clock till there invade or whatever, which was a year. It just it never did any of them.

Melissa Parsons  35:48

Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, it's the way that we're socialized. Right. And it's, you know, we're bombarded with those messages of like, if you need to relax, or you want to let loose and have fun and that type of thing, and it's just like, oh, no, you don't need it at all. And I mean, I'm not judging it either. Because they used to be the mom at the soccer tournaments who, like had a cooler full of drinks, or, you know, so

Melissa Wiggins  36:14

I'm not judging it at all. Yeah, no, I just want to say there is another way. That's all I'm gonna say.

Melissa Parsons  36:21

Yeah. Oh, no, my favorite version of me doesn't drink alcohol.

Melissa Wiggins  36:25

My favorite version of me also doesn't eat like an entire key lime pie. But we'll keep working on another box on the shelf that has to like it's just going to have to wait at the start. For now. No, okay.

Melissa Parsons  36:43

Sounds good. Sounds good.

Melissa Wiggins  36:45

Oh, my gosh, I have loved our conversation way too much fun. And I am going to link all of the things but if someone wants to just to start to  get to know you, is the podcast the first place that you should just sort of go? Discover and binge, because it's very bingeable. I love the little bite size. 

Melissa Parsons  37:04

Yeah, they're, they're short because I want people to be able to listen to them on their drive to work or, you know, on a walk or whatever. So yeah, the podcast, Your Favorite You. It's on all the podcast platforms. It's probably the quickest way to get to me, of course, I'm on Facebook and Instagram. And I put out some pretty fun content there too, of course, so but it's, it's all the same, you know, the same theme and ideas and all that kind of good stuff.

Melissa Wiggins  37:33

Okay, lassies, so you heard it here first from Melissa Parsons, Your Favorite You. It's just a really great question to ask yourself as you go about your day. I love that. How do you come up with that? Well, you can ask yourself these questions as you go along. I love it. It's beautiful. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. 

Melissa Parsons  37:53

You're so welcome. I appreciate you, too.