Episode 147: Redefining Parenthood: Embracing New Roles and Responsibilities as Your Child Grows

This podcast episode explores the challenges and changes parents face as their children grow, focusing on the transition to empty nesters.

In the segment, DJ discusses the emotional journey of parenthood, highlighting the importance of adapting parenting styles, managing emotions, and allowing children to become independent. Tune in as she reflects on the evolving nature of affection, the necessity of letting children navigate their own problems, and the significance of continued personal growth for parents. And stick around, DJ announces additional content like workshops, blogs, and bonus episodes to support you in your parenting journey.

TIMESTAMPS
3:45 - Parenting changes require adaptability and flexibility.
5:39 - Parenthood brings unexpected joys and sorrows, requiring prioritization and self-reflection.
8:06 - As children grow, affection displays evolve, becoming more independent and less physical.
13:12 - Parents must let go of control and allow children to solve problems independently.

For more information on the Imperfect Heroes podcast, visit: https://www.imperfectheroespodcast.com/

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DJ Stutz -
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DJ Stutz Booking Link: https://bookme.name/Imperfectheroespodcast

ONE ON ONE COACHING Link: https://www.littleheartsacademyusa.com/courses/one-on-one-coaching-bundle

Link to insiders https://little-hearts-academy-usa.newzenler.com/courses/imperfect-heroes-insiders
Link to blog https://www.imperfectheroespodcast.com/blog/
Link to Parent Perspectives. https://little-hearts-academy-usa.newzenler.com/editor/2199069

🎙️ Podcast Production by Dandelion Media

Transcript

Children  0:00  
We think you should know that Imperfect Heroes Podcast is a production of Little Hearts Academy USA.

DJ Stutz  0:09  
You're listening to Imperfect Heroes - Insights Into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world. And I'm your host, DJ Stutz.

Welcome, everyone, my favorite heroes and heroines. I'm so thrilled to spend the next few minutes with you. You know, this month, we've been diving deep into managing changes, mainly focusing on helping our children. But you know, it struck me, some of the most challenging changes that we face are the ones we have to face as parents. Raising kids is always a fluid thing. And we have to make changes in ourselves, and how we are parenting as our children grow. 

But before we dive in today's topic, I just got some really exciting news for you. If you're looking for some fantastic additional content, look no further than Imperfect Heroes Insiders. We've got book reviews, songs to sing with your kiddos family activities to help teach important values, and bonus segments and episodes of the podcast. So check out the link in the show notes to join our exclusive community. And you know, the whole reason that I do this podcast and I host workshops and write books is to help parents be the most heroic that they can be. And I love coaching parents. So whether it's one on one, or in a group, or on a live in a workshop, I love what I do. And so on the fourth Thursday of every month, at 1pm, Mountain Time, mountain time, I host a parent perspectives workshop through Zoom. And you do need to register to get in, but I don't charge anything to attend live. So we have a great time as we discuss the questions and the ideas from our parents in attendance. And so whether you have questions about coaching, or you want to register for the insiders, or just check out a workshop, all those links are in the show notes below. So let's get started. Whoo. 

It is so interesting to me that there is a spike in the rate of divorce in couples who have remained married, they raised some great kiddos who are now adults. But once the kids are gone, it's like they've lost the focus that kept them together. So we have this term empty nesters for couples who no longer have children at home. And while for many, this is a time of freedom and creativity. For others, it's a time of sorrow and isolation. You know, parenting just by its nature is full of changes, changes in our relationships with our children, but also changes in our relationships with ourselves, our spouse, our extended family, and our friends. And as we've been talking about managing changes this month, let's not forget how important it is for us to manage the changes that come into our lives. What is the example that we're setting for our children as they watch us? And trust me, they keep watching, even after they have grown and started lives and families of their own. They're still watching. So let's talk about the nature of parenting changes. Going from an individual or a couple to a parent is a monumental shift in our lives. Each child is unique and that's when you think you've got it all figured out. Something happens and you realize you need to adapt your parenting style. And the truth is that the more you plan, the better off you're going to be. But it's also true. It's never what you expected it to be. There was a A wise man who once said, I did my best parenting before I had kids. I think all of us can relate to that. And just to add to the confusion, if you have more than one child, each child is different. Just as you think you've figured it out, something happens, and you realize you need to make some changes in your parenting. I certainly found that to be the case. I heard an interesting point of view this past week, I was listening to another podcast and the guy he wasn't talking about parenting, but I thought it applied. He said that we all have burdens in our lives, and some are unwelcome and they're difficult to manage. And we can resent them. And we can resent those who have placed those burdens on our back. But there are other burdens that we take on willingly, even happily. And when we become parents, our lives change. And we often give up or at least cut back on or push off some of the things that we love. And we may put off things that are actually very important to us, as we change our focus into something that is more important and more rewarding. Kids are expensive, they're exhaust, they're frustrating. And they are a constant reminder that we don't know everything. But they are also exciting and interesting and fulfilling and rewarding. You know, the greatest joys in my life have come from being a mom. But at the same time, my greatest sorrows, and my biggest despairs have also come from being a mom. So sometimes parenthood comes to us, oops, as a surprise, right, and something that we're really not ready for. And other times Parenthood has been a long awaited dream. And so whenever they come, children bring a huge change into our lives, how we look at those changes, will make all the difference, the greatest way to heal the world. And let's face it, the world needs some serious healing is by being a righteous parent. And it comes when we honor the role, and we give it our highest priority when we listen to our gut, and that quiet voice inside, educates and inspires. And when we understand as David O McKay once said, no success can compensate for failure in the home. And I don't mean that our children grow up making all the right decisions. We are all imperfect. And since we are working with humans, results may vary. But if we have taken the time to teach, and inspire, and in love, when we have been able to learn and be open to different opinions and opportunities, we won't fail. Parenting consists of just making constant changes. And so how we manage and react to these changes, is going to be so important. And so some changes come and they're no big deal. Easy peasy, right? But for others, that saying change will be very difficult. And we all have different responses to things. Some of the changes we live with as a parent, may be things like, we miss being able to just leave stuff on the coffee table, or leave some valuable things where we're used to just having them, right, we have to change all of that when the kiddos come, we miss being able to just take off and do whatever we want and not worry about the needs of these little humans, right. Another thing could be as they grow, we just missed that baby smell from one day are brand new. Here's another changes, maybe they start to grow. And they learn how powerful that word now is. Then they become more independent, and they don't need us to make every decision for them. And we miss that hug and kiss as they jump out of the car in front of the school. So for some parents, this is a celebration. But for others, it's really hard. And there's a feeling of loss and a mourning of sorts that takes place when we see that we just don't need it as much. Or maybe we're just needed in a different way. And it's harder for us to define and manage what those new and different needs are. So at other times we may realize, Oh my gosh, we need to tighten things up and maybe provide a little more supervision and guidance. But often we have to make these adjustments just on The fly, right? Oh my goodness, I didn't see that government or I didn't think would come this early. Right. So we see

ourselves saying things like that all the time. And often, we just need to make these changes and adjustments, bam, really fast. So that's when having a set of family values and a parenting plan and some of these things that we plan ahead for, even though it's something new, we have a foundation to base our changes on. So that's kind of important for us. One of the biggest changes is how we have to evolve in the way that we are showing affection and the way that our kids are going to show affection. And as our children grow, the way we show affection is going to change a lot. And they won't be curling up in our laps and falling asleep in our arms for very long, it ends all too soon. And we will always need to show affection to our kiddos. But the way we do that is going to morph as they become more independent. And honestly, they just get too big for our laps. I can remember one night, I was carrying my son Shiloh home from a friend's house, he had been playing down the street, it was dark. And he had been spending some time there playing. And I can remember I was carrying him he was very tired. And I was I told him, remember this moment, because this is the last time I am going to be carrying you home. He was just getting too big. I still think of that moment. It's tendered to me affection, turns into grownup hugs, maybe a pat on the back or just time listening. And instead of wrestling on the floor or playing horsey, right, it becomes bike rides and soccer games and those quiet moments. Still amazing and still fulfilling. But they are very different. And as I talk with parents, what I've noticed is that it isn't those sleepless nights, or the constant running around that they miss. No, I do not miss the sleepless nights. But it is those quiet moments, those times of peace and affection are the things that I know I miss. And as I coach other parents, I hear them talking about that too, as they as their kids grow and start pulling away and becoming more independent. It's those moments that are important. The truth is that it's during those quiet moments that we actually have the most influence on our children, it's those moments that they're going to remember with the most clarity, and it isn't the details, as much as the feelings that will be the most clear to them as they grow and get older. And so it's hard for us when it comes time for us to allow a little more independence. And for that growth, you know, and as our children do become more independent, it can be really hard for us to let go. We want to protect them. But it's so important to allow them to solve their own problems, to build their confidence and their self esteem and their problems on solving skills and their own independence. And so remember, it's okay to let them climb that tree or ride that bike around the block without you hovering over them. It's okay to get dirty, it's okay to fall and then get up. And as our children grow, you know, their circle of influence grows as well. And they make new friends. They go to school, they have teachers, they play sports, they have coaches, and we are no longer their whole world. And that becomes a mixture of pride that they're growing, but also concern and just that winsome feeling that hits our hearts. And while we would like to hold them close, and protect them, and push their problems away, and not allow them to touch them. It is so very important that we don't allow ourselves to get in the way of their growth. And I know it's hard to let them work at solving their own problems. They have to manage issues with brands and then try new things. They may fail. They may not fail. But the truth is that as you listen to masters of industry, I guess they will all tell you that it is through them failures that they learned the most, not through the successes. So if we rob our children of those opportunities to fail, to have a broken heart, to have to work through something, give them the chance to do that. That's a hard change for parents, most often moms. But we have to allow them to do that if we want them to grow up to be successful and managing adults, right? Sometimes that they forgot their lunch. Yeah, that's tough. You'll remember it next time, I'm not going to do your homework for you. I'm not going to run and tell the coach Why aren't you playing more, right? Deal with it, manage it, they're going to these are lessons that are important for them, to be able to learn and to skills to build, to be able to be successful in their own families, but in business, as well as they move on and, and become a part of society. And so as our children grow, we need to make these changes in our parenting, you know, in in our own lives, it's important to take the time to think about our own emotions. There may be times when we actually find ourselves overreacting, or feeling super sad and stressed as we mourn the loss of some of these special moments. And when we find ourselves feeling these emotions, it's really important to take some time to do maybe just some meditation, look at the process of how we're managing our kids to progress on their own, to grow on their own, our children are making positive changes. And this is exciting. I know it's hard to let go. But it's exciting, right? We will always be in the lives of our children. But how that manifests is going to change. So growth is so important for both ourselves and our kiddos, right. And make sure then that we are taking the time to continue to grow as a couple and as extended family. Because they're all going to be a part of us. And while our kids are little, we may be more busy and focusing on them more but but we want to make sure that we're still engaging in those relationships, and building them and valuing them. And so that things don't fall apart when we're that empty nester. So it's, it's an interesting thing that happens to us as parents and as adults. 

So before we wrap up, I am super excited to announce that we now have a blog, yay. So just head over to that Imperfect Heroes podcast website, if you're not already listening on that. But at the top, you're going to see a blog that says blog, click on that tab. And then you'll get to see all of the blogs that I have. So far, I think I've got three or four up already. And we've got some great posts that are they're just waiting for you. And so before we go, I would love for you to just please take a moment to leave a five star rating. And don't forget to follow and share and tell a friend about the podcast. And so next Monday is a fifth Monday. And I've got these whole things set up on a four episode, kind of circle. So when there's a fifth Monday, I'm going to have a bonus episode. Yay. And so it won't be on this topic. It'll be on something different. And so come on and sneak in and see what it is. It's a big secret. All right. And so until next week, let's find joy in parenting. See you guys!

Transcribed by https://otter.ai