Episode 162: The Evolution of Kindness: From Baby Steps to Big Hearted Kids

Join DJ Stutz in this episode as she delves into the importance of teaching children kindness and empathy, exploring the progression of how these values develop over time.  Listen in as DJ emphasizes the crucial role of modeling kindness and providing opportunities for children to practice it.  Stay tuned as she shares practical tips and personal anecdotes on promoting kindness and charity in kids, highlighting the significance of these values in conflict resolution.

Discover strategies for fostering independence in children by encouraging them to take initiative and solve problems.  Plus, don’t miss the invitation to participate in our Parenting Perspectives workshops, where you’ll gain fresh ideas for nurturing these essential values within your family.

Time Stamps:
1:58 DJ discusses the importance of understanding that children will have a different understanding of kindness than adults and their understanding will mature as they grow.
4:23  DJ begins the discussion of the progression of how to build kindness in our children
8:09 DJ shares how using weekly meetings to give the children the opportunity to role play and practice using kindness as they resolve conflicts.
22:15 How adults set the stage for making kindness an intrinsic value in our families and our children.

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Transcript

SHOW TRANSCRIPT: 

You're listening to Imperfect Heroes Insights into Parenting. The perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world, and I'm your host. DJ Stutz, hey,

Hey, there, my heroes and heroines. I'm so happy to have you join me today for another episode of Imperfect Heroes. Insights into Parenting. You know, we tell our children to be kind, to be nice, but what does that really mean? Well, it's very important for us to understand that how we define kindness is different for adults than it is for kids, and so we need to understand our kids' perspective on what does it mean to be kind. This whole month, we are focusing on being kind, we're gonna have some parent perspectives. We're going to have experts. And before we get started on that, I would love to tell you about my free monthly workshop called Parent Perspectives. It's an interactive learning experience. It's an opportunity to connect with other parents, where we're going to share insights and tips and understanding. It's held on the fourth Thursday of every month at 1pm Mountain Time. And the registration is wait for it; wait for it, free. Yeah, and when you register, so if that 1pm Mountain Time doesn't really work for you. When you register, you're also going to get free access to all of the replays of our workshops. And so the link is in the show notes, and I'm excited to see you there. It's going to be great. Well, now let's get back to talking about kindness. So from an adult's perspective, kindness is generally different than what a child is. So let's talk about the grown up perspective for just a second, because we tend to look on the bigger picture. We have a wider point of view than our kiddos do, and so we're looking at, How do other people feel we're looking at how is this going to impact us in five minutes from now, in a week from now, we're looking at that longer picture of how kindness plays in how maybe giving up something because we love somebody, we care about somebody, and so even though this might not be exactly what we want to do. It's what they need us to do, and that's part of being kind as an adult to a child, and especially the really young ones. So I'm talking about 2, 3, 4, even up into six, seven. They will say, well, it's being nice, it's using nice words, all of that stuff, but in their hearts, being kind means you give them what you want. So when someone doesn't give them what they want, you're being mean. He's being mean to me. He's being a bully to me, or she is. They will come up with these terms that don't work, but from their point of view, really kindness is centered around me. And that's normal. That is normal. In fact, young kids, 3, 4, 5 year olds, even when you talk to them about the sun, they will think the sun rises on this side of my house and it goes down on that side of my house. They don't see the world perspective. It's very egocentric. Again, normal or development and growing, kindness is the same thing. It's very egocentric. Now they will have moments of being kind of wanting to reach out to help another child, and we can support that, but it's really important for us to understand that kids are looking at kindness in a different way than we do, and it's our job to teach them that bigger picture. So we don't just write off and say, Oh yeah, they're just three. That's how they work. No, it is normal, but that doesn't mean that we don't help them work through that to get to a more accurate definition of what is kindness.  And so let's think for a minute about why we're even fostering that. First off, it's easier. It's less embarrassing when your kid's not being rude, when they're not getting in trouble for hitting or kicking or biting or all of those things which are unkind actions. But it's again, a normal process, but it's our job as parents to help them through that, to push them, teach them, educate them and love them through it. So why then do we really want to benefit from that? Well, let's start basic, and then we're going to move how each step builds on the next. So first off, promoting grad. Attitude. You know, kindness fosters that sense of thankfulness and appreciation in children. We teach our kids, it's kind to say, thank you. It's kind to say, Can I help you, or I will share with you so we're helping them foster an appreciation for the people that are in their lives, but also for the things that we have our home, our cars, our pets, our clothes, all of those things, when we can help them have an appreciation for those things that are in their house. And we find that kids who have that understanding of gratitude can build that up, that they are more kind. Isn't that interesting?  Well, so, understanding gratitude will lead them to that next step of kindness, which is learning about charity, about giving and helping others that are in need. And in fact, oh gosh, he's got to be seven or eight now. But back when this little guy was three, I was working with his mom, helping her out and teaching her a little bit first time mom, fun stuff to work with, but we've been talking about how to develop charity and gratitude in their little three year old. So I sent her, and if you're interested, shoot me an email or respond to me on one of my links down below, and I'll send one to you. No, I won't charge you anything at all for it, but it's this bingo card, and so it's got different things, like something blue, something yellow, a car, a doll, a stuffy. It's got all these different things that kids can get together to give to another child in need. So when she was asking about that, but, oh, I've got the perfect thing. Let me send this to you. It was right before Christmas. She knew he was getting more toys for Christmas, and he already had a lot of toys, so she sat down with him and explained to him that there were children who were not going to be able to get Christmas presents because their family just didn't have money. They're, you know, all kinds of different situations. And so she said, Some kids don't get Christmas. And so maybe, if we can take some of your toys that are in good shape, that another child would want, maybe we can help some of those kids have a Christmas. Well, this three year old little boy helping another child have Christmas really connected with him. Different things are going to connect with different kids. But for this little guy, it really connected. And so they went up to his room, and rather quickly, he was able to find enough things to get a bingo. You know how you go down, diagonal, horizontal, vertical. Okay, so he got his bingo but to a three year old's child that left a lot of spaces. Like, no, I'm not finished. I only have these five. I need to do more. And she said, Well, you can, if you want. Sure. And so he wanted to get something for every square on the bingo card. And some of the things that he chose were toys that he played with frequently, and his mom would say, Okay, I know you play with this a lot. Do you want to really give it away? Or do we want to find something else that will fit this square? Nope, because he loved it so much, he knew it would be helpful for another child who would love it just equally in his mind. And so she went with it, and he was so proud of himself when he filled that bingo card learning about charity and kindness and helping people that you don't even know. He just knew there were some kids that needed help. So now we're really having an impact on kindness when they're able to connect and do something for someone that they don't even know who it is, or those kids may never know it was you that gave them that toy for Christmas. They'll probably never know. But isn't that exciting and fun? So there are tons of things that you can do to have family charity projects in your life and to help your kids. So whether it's a food drive, a clothing drive. They have coat drives in the fall and backpack drives, really about this time of year. Agencies and schools are collecting backpacks and school supplies for kids who are struggling financially, come from homes where they're not going to be able to do that. So some great opportunities there. And as you're doing this, and as you're working on these opportunities, you're going to really promote how this is being kind. This is what kindness looks like. That kindness is more than words. Kindness is action. So our next step then, is using kindness to resolve conflict and actually becoming a peacemaker, one of the seven gifts of the Spirit, right? And so we're talking about using that kindness then as they're having a conversation or a disagreement, or they're upset or sad about something, and instead of getting mad and hitting, kicking, biting, using cruel words and terms, break. Making things. Sometimes they'll break things out of anger, but now, because they've learned these previous steps of kindness, they're learning more about what kindness looks like, then they're able to move that into being a peacemaker and resolving conflicts. And so we can give some of these conflict resolution techniques to our kids. So anyone who's listened to me for much time at all knows

that I'm a big promoter of a weekly family meeting. You can call it whatever you want, but we want to promote that weekly family meeting where the kids have an opportunity to role play and practice how to resolve a conflict. Susie has a toy that I want right now. I need it right now, so I'm just gonna go and get the toy from Susie and go use it. Well, Susie was using it. She wasn't done with it. And so how can we manage things if we're Susie, how can we manage things if we're Sammy and practice that, practice with them using the words, can I use this and understand that it's okay to say, No, you're not ready to give that toy up just yet. So how can we tell them in a way that is kind and yet you're standing up for yourself. You can say, When I'm done, I will give it to you. I'm just not done yet. Or let's set the timer for 10 minutes, and when the timer goes off, I'll be done and you can have it. Or maybe find a way to trade and find something else that would work for Sammy. So Susie's not having to give up her toy. They're going to need some adult support and encouragement as they learn to do these things as they're moving along on their human path, but they will get there, and if you can practice it when they're not in the middle of screaming and yelling, because I just got hit in the head because I didn't want so and so to take my toy or I hit someone else in the with the block because he was trying to Take it from me, and so if we can practice it when things are calm in those family meetings, give them the tools, give them the practice, give them the words, all of those things, they're going to be more likely to use that and as they learn how to use Some of those peacemaking skills that's going to bleed now into collaborative problem solving. And so one of the things that I love doing, and if you're interested in this, please just email me or leave a message on the website or whatever. You know, I'm on Facebook, I'm on imperfect heroes podcast, and on Instagram, I'm on imperfect heroes podcast, so you can get a hold of me that way too. But if you're interested in this, I can get these out to you, like a tool kit. So you can put them in a bag. You can put them in a box. What I like to use in my classroom, when I was teaching kindergarten, I just used a tissue box, an empty tissue box, and then I put those in, and then the kids could reach in and grab it. You can decorate it. You can do whatever, but that's a really easy place to keep your little toolbox, and inside there are some problem solving ideas. So it could be, find something to trade. It could be, wait until they're done. It could be, use the timer. There's a ton of things that you can put in there, and like I said, I'm happy to provide those for you, but it's fun for you to come up with solutions that work specifically for your family. And if you need help with that too, I'd love to do a family checkup, meeting with you, where we can talk about some of these basic skills. I don't charge for my first meeting. You get that totally for free. And so again, my calendar is down in the show notes. You can just sign up for a time, and we'll have a great conversation on some of these problem solving techniques that you can use that are specific to your family, your children, their personalities, all of that stuff. Now they're learning to use these problem solving skills. So first they're going to come and say, Mommy, Daddy, Daddy, done. You're like, oh, this sounds like a thing for our toolbox. Let's go get it, and if you're excited about using it, and they come and they get to pull one out, what did you get? And you're very excited about it, and you look at it, oh, look what you got okay? So now we're gonna set the timer for 10 minutes, and then you can trade. How does that work for everybody? And they get excited about using it. The next step is when they go and they don't need you to help them use the toolbox, they're gonna start going to use it on their own success. That feels so good, doesn't it? When they feel these successes, and they have the ability now to do some problem solving, to be a peacemaker, to live in gratitude, all of those things actually strongly build their self esteem and their confidence. And so when they get that positive feedback, either from you noticing, wow. You did a great job on that. I really appreciate that. Did it so we don't just say, Good job. Oh, you did a great thing that was so kind.  Be very specific on exactly what it was that they did that qualified as being kind, being a peacemaker, being a problem solver. You're gonna use those words and say. And I noticed that you didn't even ask me. You two just went to the toolbox by yourselves, pulled that card out, and you did exactly what it said. And that was amazing. You know, I have my grandson with us. For one of my grandsons, we have 12 grandkids with one more on the way, and we have him for the summer. And I took him to a community swimming pool here, and he noticed, on his own, I'm just sitting there watching, observing, making sure he's not drowning, even though there's lifeguards, you know, you always watch. And so he noticed there was a little girl probably a couple years older. So my little guy is six, so this girl's probably maybe seven or eight, but she was trying to get out of the deep end of the pool, and didn't go over to where that ladder is. She was just trying to pull herself out, and it looked like she was having a little bit of a hard time without even missing a beat. Eli noticed this, ran over and said, Do you need help? I can help you. And she's like, Oh, I'm okay. And she did get herself out, but I made sure to make a point of saying, Eli, I noticed that when you saw this little girl that was trying to get out of the pool, you went over and you offered to help her. And even if she said that she didn't need your help, that was so kind of you to just offer you notice that she needed help. I didn't tell you to go help her. You did that all by yourself, all on your own. Now what happens? Big smile. He's feeling so good about himself that is going to build on his self esteem and on his confidence. But once again, we're going to be very specific about what it is that your child did, that was kind, that was a peacemaker, that was a problem solver, whatever terms that fits the situation that they're in. So you want to be sure that you're following through with that.  The things you give most attention to are what you're going to get more of. That's an old saying, but it is true. So as they develop that confidence and that self esteem, they are going to start developing independence and a really key part of growing up, courage, and so as you encourage them to take that initiative on their own, much like my grandson, Eli, did, they're going to feel more confident in doing that again, in trying that again in the future, as they have more experiences. And so you can even again at those family meetings, you can talk about, what are some things that you can do that would be kind at school. It could be things like helping a teacher or sharing your lunch if another child forgot theirs and didn't have a lunch you can share. And in fact, I had, oh, gosh, I think this was my last year. It might have been the next to last year of teaching, but I had a little boy, and he was actually in foster care, and rarely would come with an afternoon snack. We always took time in the afternoon, because our kinders ate their lunch so early in the day. It's like 10 o'clock in the morning, so by the time two o'clock rolls around, they're hungry again. And so we would have time and parents would send their little snack. And this little guy rarely had a snack. I had a stash for when kids forget and things happen. I always had a stash that I could help supplement kids with. But one of the moms came to me and said, My daughter was telling me that there is a little boy that always has to have a cupboard snack. That's what we called them, because they were in the cupboard, a cupboard snack. I've got a cupboard snack for you, don't worry. And so I said, Well, I can't say much because of confidentiality, but he rarely has a snack. And so she said, I would love for us to send an extra snack every day for this child. And I said, Yeah, that would be great. So for the rest of the year, every day this little girl came with two snacks, and these two kids just became such good friends, and we did it in a way that it wasn't a big deal. The other kids weren't, oh, she's bringing him a snack. But we did it privately, and ahead of time, like when they were putting their backpacks away, I would take the snack that she brought and put it in his backpack, and so it wasn't too obvious, but she knew that she was doing something kind. And like I said, these two kids became really good friends. And so as we're encouraging our kids as they want to take an initiative, when they notice that maybe there's a problem, someone's in trouble, someone's got something going on, then they. Want to take that initiative. We want to really encourage them to do that and help them build up that independence. And it can be a little scary reaching out to someone like even with my little guy going up and offering to help this girl come out of the pool, and then she's like, No, haven't she wasn't rude about it or anything. She was wonderful. But that could have been embarrassing. It could be whatever. When you're stepping out of your comfort zone, it's a little scary, it's a little hard. So we want to give them as many opportunities as we can to do that, noticing, oh, this lady has a bunch of things in her arms, or she's carrying a baby, or whatever. Run, go, open the door for her. And that's a great way, an easy way, for someone to reach out and be kind. And then they will start noticing on their own, when they can hold the door open, when maybe they can carry something, someone drops something, and so they pick it up. You drop this, and they're being kind. That's a little scary. It's scary for adults sometimes, but it's scary for kids as well. And so we want them to build that confidence and that bravery, that level of courage that allows them to step out and do something amazing all on their own. But at first, of course, they're going to need that support, that help, maybe giving them an idea, and then that praise on how that was helpful, when you held that door open and she said, Thank you, to you. How did that feel? I love that's one of my favorite questions. How did that feel when XYZ happened, when they did something good, when they did something helpful, when they studied and got a good grade on a test, whatever it is asking them, how did that feel when you finally got this, when you finally helped this person? And then that's going to lead, now that they have some independence and some confidence, they are going to build self discipline, the discipline to be kind when I'm angry, I might want to say these other words, but I have the self discipline to realize that's not going to help the situation any at all, and so I need to do something different, even though this might be what I want to say. And boy, don't adults need that lesson too Correct? What are our kids learning from us about kindness when we're talking to a clerk that isn't being very helpful when we're driving on the road when a neighbor does something unkind or rude or whatever, or are we talking bad about them because their yard looks bad, or they left their trash can out too long? Those are some of the things that we put out as criticisms, and way more, I'm just being simple here, but there's so many things that we find ourselves being critical of other people. What are we teaching our children then about kindness? So we want to really help them develop that self discipline. And you can say, Wow, this is really frustrating to me, that data. But even though I'm upset. I'm going to choose to do this other choice, and you're verbalizing it. You're helping them hear your thought process as you're thinking out loud, and they're getting in on that. They're going to learn more about using that self discipline and putting off maybe a temper tantrum, putting off saying a mean thing, even though another kid has been mean. And a lot of kids, almost all kids, will justify being mean because, well, he was mean to me, he wouldn't share. She said a mean thing, whatever it is, they justify that, and then they will think, Well, you didn't share, so you're being a bully. You didn't want to play with me, you're being a bully. And if we can give them that self discipline to look at things and move forward with a better choice, let's make a better choice. So, so and so they didn't make such a good choice. But I know you, and I know you can make a better choice and start using that kind of language as their learning. So I've touched on this, but the role that we set, the example that we put out there, has a huge impact on our kids and how they interpret kindness, how they make excuses for bad behavior. Well, he was rude. Well, he hit me. Well, he or she. I use he a lot just because I've got a little boy with me. So we use he a lot this summer. But it can be either kid, but they make excuses. And so are we making excuses, then, for the cruel things that we say when we are upset with someone, our spouse, our own adult siblings, our other children, our whatever it is, and we use unkind words, unkind body language. I'm going to intimidate you by standing over you and using my height. I don't have much height. I'm only five two, but I'm a lot taller than a three year old, and it would be very easy for me to use that body language to intimidate.  So really stop and look at ourselves. And in fact, that's the first place if you have a child that's struggling with saying unkind things, getting in trouble for hitting or talking back to the teacher, or whatever, first place you need to look is, what's the example I'm setting that they think that's okay, because I can say a lot of words, and I can say, we don't do that. You have to be nice to your teacher. We don't hit, we don't whatever. I grew up in Los Angeles, and I was probably 11 or 12 years old. I wasn't a real small kid, but the impact hit me that so much that here in my ancient years that I remember it very clearly. We were in the parking lot of a grocery store, and we're walking in to do some grocery shopping with my mom, and I could hear another adult yelling at a child, and so of course, I look over to see what's going on, and I see this mom saying, Quit hitting your sister. I am so sick and tired of you hitting your sister as the mom was hitting the offending child. Quit hitting your sister right as you're hitting what example. And I just remember the irony of that, the hypocrisy of that, just really hit me strongly at that moment. And so what are we setting as an example? Are we kind with just general people that we run into, or are we irritated very quickly? Oh, they took my parking spot. They should have known. Why would they take that? Well, okay, for whatever reason. And how is a parking spot worth being a bad example to your child? That's, I guess, the question that I ask to you. We want to really encourage our children to be that kind person and put that kindness into action. So one of the things that I would really work hard to teach my kindergarten kids with some of that problem solving and building courage, because this is a scary thing to do, but when they're out on the playground, or sometimes they might be in the classroom during an open play time where they're playing in centers and they're learning, but we call it play, but one kid will suddenly start yelling at another child or being rude, or get their friends to surround them and have rude things. It takes a lot of courage to go up and without even addressing the offending kids, take the target and say, hey, you know what? Just come play with me. We don't need to be here. I got some other things we can do that are very scary. And as we can have our children build that kind of courage, that kind of independence and that kind of thought process of being kind. You don't need to get into it with someone who's already agitated. But let's get somebody else safe. Or even to say, you go get a teacher, and I'm gonna go get Susie, Joey, whatever it is, and just say, hey, you know what? Come play with me and we'll go somewhere else. I actually have that example in my book Roman is bigger, where Roman sees some boys teasing a little girl, and so he comes and says, Come play with me. We're going to go somewhere else. That can be a very scary thing. And when you see whether you're a teacher or a parent or an aunt or uncle, grandparent, a neighbor, maybe even a stranger. You see a child that's opening the door for another person, and you walk in and you say, Wow, that was nice. I'm impressed with you. And just keep walking on it doesn't need to be a big thing, but when you notice that and recognize that, they're going to really love that, and so they're going to watch us. They will see our hypocrisy. Don't you worry, they will. And then we're going to make sure that we're looking at ourselves before we start taking action on our kids and saying, You don't do that, you don't do that. You might say even, you know, I know I got really mad at that clerk. And if you're in the parking lot and your kids are like, right? That happens. Sometimes you can say, You know what? That was rude of me. I'm gonna go back and say, I'm sorry. You want to come with me, and they'll watch you. They're gonna learn from those things that take courage for an adult to do as well. It's very hard for us to admit that we are wrong in really any kind of situation, but we want to make sure that we're setting that example. Let's go ahead and create activities and scenarios where children can practice being kind. So you can set things up kind of on the sidelines. You can notice, maybe a neighbor is really sick, but they have this dog, let's go offer to walk their dog for them, or even really being nice. Do the doggy doo? Do Pick up and help them pick up their yard. Take a trash can in on trash day for an elderly or a sick neighbor. Some. Of those things, are things that we can really set up. Then there are things that we can do within the home. You know what? Your big brother, Joey, is just having a rough day for whatever reason. You may or may not need to share it, but I can see Joey's really having a hard time today.  What can we do to help him have a better day and let them come up with some ideas? And maybe it's we can clean their room, or maybe it's that we can just give them a hug and say we love them. Maybe we can draw a picture for them. Maybe we can make their favorite cookies, or whatever it is, but we're giving the kids opportunities to notice that someone is in distress for whatever reason. It can be they are angry, it can be depressed, it can be anxious, nervous, having the jitters. Maybe they're gonna play their first football game or do their first dance recital, whatever it is. And so they're a little off that day because they have a lot on their mind. So it's okay to say, Yeah, I noticed this is going on with this member of our family, or maybe even this friend of yours that maybe their pet died. So what are some things that we can do to help our friend feel better? Start setting those opportunities up. Plan for them. Take advantage of them when they're out there. We can also use books, lot of books, that are out there, to help kids understand what kindness means, and how I can put that in when they're young, remember, they're still learning. You're not going to have, oh, I explained it to them now they're kind. That's not going to happen. It's going to take reinforcement. It's going to take repetition. It's going to take noticing and recognition and compliments, true compliments, not empty compliments, and then helping them. So there are a ton of, like, great books that are out there. There are some fun stories. As far as online stories, you can get Kindle versions of Kid books that are out there. In fact, when the process of making Roman is bigger into a Kindle version, as we speak. So there are things that you can do, some of the games, make sure, though, that you are watching with your child, maybe play the game with your child, so that you get a feel for what's going on. And then you notice the opportunities to say, oh, did you notice this character? Did this, what do you think about that? Was that kind or was that mean? Could they have done something different? How would they have done things? Maybe a little better. And so taking advantage of those opportunities is another way that we can really promote kindness and reinforce the lessons that we're trying to teach them. And so some of the things that we can do are like those family projects that involve kindness in the community. And so it can be an official, proper community event that we go and support, going and helping at a homeless shelter, or maybe there's some things at your school that are going on to help support needy kids. And so you can get involved in those community projects, you can also just kind of create your own so again, when I was living in Littleton, which is right by Denver, we had a lot of paths in our neighborhood, and I noticed that there were a couple of families that when they would go out for their evening walk, many families did an evening walk every night, which I thought was fabulous. Everybody had a grocery bag, and as they walked, if they saw trash on path or in the neighborhood, they would just pick it up, put it in their bag, and then when they got home, they would just throw them in the trash. What a great example of being kind in the community. And so there are so many things that you can do. I know that my Dad Okay, I'm the oldest of seven, but we would go to a park, sometimes on a Saturday or whatever. And it was tradition that before we left the park, every one of us kids had to find 10 things to pick up and put in the trash. So it wasn't necessarily the whole park that we were picking up, and it was seven kids. That's a lot of stuff, right? And then Mom and Dad did it too, and so we got in the habit of leaving it better than how we found it. And I remember my dad talking to us a lot about doing exactly that. He loved being outdoors. He was a hiker, he was a skier. He really respected nature, and so that was kind of built into us as we were growing up. So there are so many things that you can do with volunteering. I like to talk about justserve.com and you can go in, put in your zip code, and it'll come up with a bunch of service projects that you can do where people have posted that this church needs this help, this school needs this help, this community event is looking for volunteers or whatever, and so it's a great place to go. It doesn't cost anything, and it doesn't cost anything to post on it either, which is very nice. If you have a project that you need some help with, you can post on that and maybe someone will pick it up. Some other things that you can do is creating care packages, whether it's for the military, sending a package off to some. Um, Gi. There are tons of groups that you can get in touch with that'll give you the name of a GI, and you can put something together, send it off. And then oftentimes, the kids that I know that we've done it with, they will get a response from whoever received their care package. And in some cases, I've seen that relationship letters and experiences go on for months and even years. And so that's an amazing fun thing that you can do. You could do a care package for police officers or firefighters or whatever, but reaching out, noticing that there might be a need and finding a way to fill it. Another thing that you can do that makes it really easy is and this is, again, something my dad did on Christmas morning. On birthdays, Christmas morning, my dad would walk out with a yellow legal pad, and as we opened up presents, he wrote down our name, who gave something to us and what they gave us. And the rule was, before we could use that present, we had to write a thank you note to the person who gave it to us, then we could play with it. So it taught us about priority, of saying thank you, of acknowledging someone else's effort. And then we got to play or wear whatever it was. We could use it in whatever manner it was meant to be used. So that was pretty fun. So let's look back. Let's think on we want to really make sure that we've got a good definition on what kindness is, both for us as adults, and then age appropriate, developmentally appropriate definitions for our little guys, and that's going to change and grow and get more detailed as they become older. We've talked about the role of parents in modeling and encouraging kindness and making sure that's part of your family tradition and who you are, the family values that you espouse. And talk about that, and then set up practical activities for them to take that kindness and put it into action. And we talked about a ton of ways that you can do that. So I just want to really encourage you to really actively practice and teach. Have discussions between you and your spouse about Joey, who might be struggling with this kindness in this area, and how can we help? And in fact, even you can get the help of an older sibling and say, Yeah, we're working. We noticed that Susie isn't sharing very well, or she's having trouble with temper tantrums and getting mad when things don't go her way. Do you have any ideas on how we can help them? And when you engage the other kids into coming up with those ideas, and it's the idea of, Oh, I'm so tired of her tantrums. Yeah, let's think about how we can help her through that. She is kind of struggling. He is kind of struggling with that. What ideas do you have now? They're coming in on it. Now we're feeding into that kind problem solving, that kind perspective and understanding about other people and where they are. So kindness just is so much fun. We're gonna have so much fun this month talking about it. I hope that you'll have a chance. And then also, on the fourth Thursday of this month, in those parent perspective workshops I was telling you about, we will be talking about kindness, and so you'll be able to share some of your stories about what's working for you and your family. You're also going to get a chance to hear from myself and others about some, maybe new ideas that might help you out. So I just want to thank you guys for listening. I really appreciate it, and I just want to encourage you to subscribe, leave a review and share the podcast with someone else. That's I guess my big challenge to you is to find at least one person that you can share this podcast with and help them to get to know us here at Little Hearts Academy. And I just want to give you guys a heads up that we are in the process, pretty soon Little Hearts Academy, the website there, and everything, everything's going to come under the umbrella of Imperfect Heroes, and that just helps us so that everything's the same. It's less confusing. Everybody can find us more easily. So right now, we're still at Little Hearts Academy USA. Pretty soon, that email will switch over and that website will switch over to Imperfect Heroes. And so you'll get to notice that too on Facebook and Instagram, we won't be using the Little Hearts Academy pages as much, and we'll be going to use the Imperfect Heroes pages more often. So thank you so much again for joining us, for sticking around. I really appreciate it, and let's find joy in parenting. See you guys,

Thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the path to joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment, and remember every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

Transcribed by Otter ai