The Burn Podcast by Ben Newman
Join Ben Newman, highly regarded Performance Coach, International Keynote Speaker and 2x WSJ Best-Seller, as he takes you into the minds of some of the highest performers in sports and business to tell their full story. The "Burn" is something we all have, but rarely do people uncover and connect to it. Ben helps people from all walks of life reach their true maximum potential.
Ben has worked with coaches and players from the last 6 Super Bowl Champion teams and currently serves as the Performance Coach for the Big 12 Champion Kansas State football team in his 9th season (3 National Championships at North Dakota State) with Head Coach Chris Klieman. Ben served 5 years as the Mental Conditioning Coach for the 18x National Champion Alabama Crimson Tide football team. Lastly, Ben also has served at his alma mater as a Performance Coach for Michigan State University’s football and basketball programs.
For the last two decades, Ben has been serving as the Peak Performance Coach for the top 1% of financial advisors globally and for Fortune 500 business executives.
Ben’s clients have included: Microsoft, United States Army, Anheuser-Busch InBev, Quicken Loans, MARS Snackfoods, AstraZeneca, Northwestern Mutual, AFA Singapore, Mass Financial Group, Frontier Companies, Wells Fargo Advisors, Great West Life Canada, Boston Medical Center, Boys & Girls Club of America, New York Life as well as thousands of executives, entrepreneurs, athletes and sales teams from around the globe.
Millions of people and some of the top performers in the world have been empowered by Ben through his books, educational content, coaching programs, podcast, and live events.
The Burn Podcast by Ben Newman
Ed Mylett: What all UNCOMMON Leaders have in Common
Ed Mylett is one of the world’s leading authorities on Leadership and Mental Toughness and I am honored to call him a good friend and mentor.
With the 3rd annual Mental Toughness Forum right around the corner I have been diving deep into my notes and thoughts around the topic and we wanted to to something special this week on the show and revisit one of the most impactful conversations I’ve ever had publicly- with my brother Ed on his show.
We talk about Mental Toughness, The BURN, and what it looks like to truly be an UNCOMMON leader. Although this originally aired almost 2 years ago, the principles and lessons we talk about are truly TIMELESS.
I hope each of YOU enjoy this conversation as much as I enjoying being a part of it.
00:00 Close friends with remarkable insights, successful author.
05:46 Leaders find new ways to convey old messages.
08:56 Reevaluate beliefs, create "never do it again" list.
10:23 Importance of team and disciplined routine emphasized.
14:23 Finding purpose through inner fire and adversity.
17:02 Overcoming adversity, honoring late mother, living purposefully.
20:29 Prioritize tasks and be fully present.
24:13 Inspire and empower through questions, not commands.
28:22 Role of motivating and supporting team members.
32:00 Balancing work and family for peak performance.
36:12 Waking up at 224 for family time.
40:14 Serve others, believe in yourself, persevere.
43:07 Faith helps define and guide moral standards.
44:44 Mistakes don't disqualify you; reflect and grow.
47:33 Engaging conversation, focused on service and talk.
👇 SUBSCRIBE TO ED'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL NOW
Https:// www.edmylett.com
Sign up for the FREE Mental Toughness Forum- Aug 5th-9th, 2024
https://www.mentaltoughnessforum.com
https://www.bennewmancoaching.com
************************************
Learn about our Upcoming events and programs:
https://www.workwithbnc.com
Let’s work TOGETHER https://www.bennewmancoaching.com
Let's work together to write YOUR next book- BNC Publishing
Send us a message
Order my latest book The STANDARD: Winning at YOUR Highest Level: https://amzn.to/3DE1clY
1st Phorm | The Foundation of High Performance Nutrition
1stPhorm.com/bnewman
Connect with me everywhere else:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/continuedfight
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Continuedfight/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ContinuedFight
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ben-newman-b0b693
Ben, has an ability to make people feel good about themselves, to have belief. There's this thing beneath there for you that no one's ever phrased this way, that you phrase the best, which is the burn. When I think of you, I think of a good man, I think of discipline, I think of somebody I love and then I think of the burn. It's kind of the next thing that I think of with you and for my audience who's not familiar with you, or even people who think they know what that means, what's the burn and why is it so important that people figure that out?
Speaker 2:So I believe there's a lot of speakers and coaches that do work, that we do, but I believe they forget the underlying burn, or fire that lies inside of everybody, and it's actually that burn that ignites your why and your purpose. That then causes you to take the necessary action, to be your best, one day at a time, and that's how I define.
Speaker 3:Welcome back to the burn podcast. I'm your producer, tyler, and this week on the show we're talking about mental toughness. Our third annual mental toughness forum kicks off next week and, sticking on that theme, we wanted to rewind to a conversation that Ben had with Ed Milet on his podcast, talking about the burn, mental toughness and what it takes to become an uncommon leader. We hope you enjoy this conversation with none other than Ed Milet.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to the show. Everybody. Today's going to be special. We're going to talk specifically about really two things today, and I have an expert I mean like a real expert on a topic about leadership. And we're going to talk about elite performance performance in general. And the gentleman that I have on the show today has written a brand new book that I love. It's called uncommon leadership 11 ways great leaders lead. In fact, I love it so much I wrote the foreword. So if you wonder whether I love this man, what he stands for and what he teaches, you need to look no further than his book, because I'm right there with him. So, ben Newman, welcome to the program.
Speaker 2:Ed, my brother, you know how much you mean to me and the opportunity to be with you and I'm so grateful for you writing the foreword and just couldn't be any more excited to be with you and your listeners.
Speaker 1:Let's have a great time, I know it's going to be easy for us to cut up because I don't have to prepare for this one at all, because we're good friends and I gotta tell you guys, the thing you know about ben is not only is he remarkable, but he's worked with some of the top leaders in business and sports in the world, and so he's got he's got some insights that you know really nobody I've had on the show before can give you, and so there's a lot to unpack with you, brother. First off, his book is blowing up, just so you all know, and if you get a chance to go get it, you'll be glad that you did. But I want to ask you a question just to begin with, on the leadership side, because we'll do leadership and performance. Today. You work with some of the top leaders in every single industry. If you guys don't know, he's the performance coach for Alabama, their football program. I read this Is this right? Alabama, their football program. I read this Is this right Ben?
Speaker 2:18 national championships Is that right? 18 national championships. And I've been there four years, which is a long tenure for somebody, with Coach Saban, so I feel blessed every time I'm in the building.
Speaker 1:What have you learned from him? I gave you a couple of takeaways. What separates him? He's. You know I've had Dabo Sweeney on my show recently. Urban Meyer's a dear friend, so I'm not going to rank these guys, but he's in the conversation as the GOAT. If not the GOAT, what have you learned from him? That maybe surprised you when you got up close and personal.
Speaker 2:Three words be the example, and whether it's the game of football, whether somebody's leading in a boardroom, whether somebody's leading in a classroom, I believe that you have to be the example. And Coach Saban is knocking on the door of 70 years old and I actually go to training camp here in two days, my fourth training camp with the team and you will see him sprint in between drills Really Not like walk fast, ed, I'm talking sprint in between drills. If your 70-year-old head coach is sprinting in between drills, what's the expectation of the player? So he believes you have to be the example to lead the people. That really, for him, he believes it's a blessing to have the opportunity to lead these young men.
Speaker 1:Yeah, now that's incredible. By the way, maybe I should be sprinting in my business meetings. Everybody do it. But the other thing you were sharing with me about him, obviously standards. I think people think they have high standards, like I thought I trained really hard until I started training with world-class bodybuilders and athletes and I'm like, okay, compared to what? And oftentimes I'll have business people say, hey, man, I work really hard. I usually say, hey, come spend a couple days with me, let's see how hard you work, right. But but in his case, you were telling me something about. He said about we were going to do this drill, we were going to practice this, not until we get it right, but an even higher standard than that. You entrepreneurs, you business people, you athletes listen to what he's going to tell you. Is Saban's standard that he's learned.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so the standard is. If everybody were to come to practice with me next week or this week, you would hear him say we don't do things until we get it right. We do things until we can't get it wrong. It's mind blowing, and oftentimes his messages are so simple, yet they're so profound, and he's a master of saying something that applies to everyone. You know a lot of times, even me, and I'll get a little long-winded right. I like to talk.
Speaker 2:And he will say things that are simple, yet it applies to the walk-on, who may never see time on the field, all the way to Bryce Young, who will be our new starting quarterback this year. I mean, it's incredible, the discipline that he has to understand how to communicate.
Speaker 1:How does he and we won't talk about Saban the whole time, but you've seen this leaders One of the things that leaders get, I call it like leadership fatigue. They're always trying to come up with new things all the time to say, rather than I think leadership's about finding new ways to say old things. And so how does he? That's standards, standards, nuts, like the whole world has Alabama's target right. The target is on Alabama's back from the entire world. What does he do? That standard? We're going to do this until we can't get it wrong. What does that look like? Is it intensity? Is it yelling? Is it do it again? Is it do it again? Is it encouragement? Is it all of the above? Does he push every emotional button? How do you do that? You?
Speaker 2:know it really starts with off-season training. Right, there's an expectation. Here's the way that we do our off-season training. So if somebody goes off sides, let's say we're in February and we're in our fourth quarter training, that's conditioning, right, is everybody listening? Conditioning in February for football games that are going to be played in the fall. And you just probably won a national championship in January. And if somebody goes off sides, ed, he's the first one to blow the whistle, hands on his knees, saying whoa, whoa, whoa. The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. If you go off sides in this drill in February, it's a 10 yard penalty in November and it might cost us the game. And so he's conditioning his athletes to not just physically perform but to understand that you have to think about your actions. So he combines the mental and the physical to allow athletes to realize how much they really have deep down inside.
Speaker 1:So do you, by the way. I want to, and it segues perfectly. So the mental and the physical. I get asked often. You know what are some of the keys to staying positive, optimistic, high energy. For me, a lot of times it starts with my body and my routines. What I said about Ben in the foreword of his book is Ben is the example. He's incredibly ritualistic and disciplined in his approach, particularly in what he does sort of in the mornings too and the long shift, like your streak of doing bananas. So give us some insights, because you've been around the top guys so you've sort of formatted, formulated, sort of a routine that you do in the mornings. That I'm sure is some of this is adopted from people that you've known that are elite performers. Tell them a little bit about your routines and your disciplines and your consistency with them and why you are so consistent.
Speaker 2:Well, first off, let me share a compliment to you and something I'm very grateful for to you, and then I will get to the question. But I think the first thing is I have two coaches. I read books every single day and I have mentors. That means I'm a really high-maintenance guy. So, and I have mentors, that means I'm a really high maintenance guy. So I am. I am far from figuring this out, and so I'm constantly trying to find what can my edge be? How can I get better? Whether I'm at Alabama, whether I'm working with a billion dollar construction company, I don't want to settle. I'm never finished. I always feel like we can give more, and during COVID, I was blessed that you and our dear friend Andy Frisella invited me to speak at an RTA event.
Speaker 2:And we get done with the RTA event. And the three of us had this question and the answer that I will never forget Awesome. And you said some things to me that shifted the belief that I had in myself, ed, and I shared this with you privately, but I want to go public because I think it's important. I appreciate the kind things that you say, but I'm a big believer that you have to set yourself up for your environment. So, whether it's consistency in when you wake up, what you eat, how you think, what you feed your mind and this is what I call a never do it again list.
Speaker 2:So this never do it again list, if everybody looks down at number 11, okay, you can see Ed's name and number 11. And so, after I completed the first part of 75 hard, I actually wrote a never do it again list Because I wanted to capture, now that I understand this next level of my thinking, what are the things I can't go back to, and so I wanted to train my brain. If I found this next level, I better be conscious of the fact I can go back. It's way easier to go back than it is to create a new discipline.
Speaker 2:And so I wrote these words after you instilled belief in me and I believe one of the greatest acts of leadership is a transfer of belief and you changed how I feel and how I show up. So every day I say never forget the belief Ed Milet shared with me. His words and statement shifted my belief, Ed. I read that every day and so you're in my morning routine.
Speaker 1:I knew that and I'm honored. Thank you for telling everybody else.
Speaker 2:Man, I appreciate that and I know I shared that with you, but I wanted to go public with that because I think sometimes people see somebody that performs like you or people will say, wow, you know, I perform at a high level. But this is what it's about. It's about surrounding yourself with people who push you and challenge you to say no, no, no, you're not done. And so it's been environments. You know it's working environments. You know it's working out.
Speaker 2:If we know that working out causes us to release our endorphins, to feel great about ourselves, to feel confident, why would you choose to not work out? So for me, that's been a big part of my morning routine, whether it be working out, putting my head in a book. That means a great deal to you and I every single morning, you know, preparing our team who helps me get to the next level. I don't do this by myself. We have a great team, and so there's a very disciplined routine that, I believe, causes me to show up when you hear that ding, ding, ding for the day to start, and I'm ready to take it on mentally. If you bring me adversity, I'll run right at it.
Speaker 1:You bring bananas level energy to stuff you do and I I want people to get some insight. Is that something you have to work at? I mean, are you conscious, Like, okay, I'm about to do a show, I'm about to give a talk, I'm about I'm bringing monster energy, or is that something you're naturally just? That's just the way you're wired. Why do I ask before you answer? I want to tell everybody why I asked that I don't think most people are conscious that you are always making people feel something one way or the other, and most people are completely oblivious to what they're making people feel. They're not only not self-aware, they're not even aware of what they're making other people feel, the energy that they put on. So is this just you or is this something you've worked?
Speaker 2:Ed, this is me, In fact. I'll tell you a funny story. I've never told this story in an interview, and this may have to do with the fact that a buddy of mine is raising money for an illness that his daughter struggles from. So it's top of mind because it just happened and he set me up with this interview in Chicago. I'm talking over 20 years ago and I go to this interview and I get done and his boss interviews me and the feedback was this guy was way too prepared. That was fake. There's no way anybody has this energy. And my buddy said to his boss he's like that's him Like that. That's the way the dude was in high school, Like he's just wired that way, and the guy goes no possible way. He put on a show for me and, and so for me it's one of those things.
Speaker 2:That's the way that I've always been and I think a lot of it comes from my belief, and I had to go through a lot of pain and challenge in my life to understand this. We only get one day. I've got the day that's in front of me, so for me to waste it and look, my days aren't perfect. I have challenge, I screw up, I try to be the best husband I can be. I try to be the best father I can be. I try to be the best. It doesn't mean I'm perfect and I don't mess things up, but I've only got one shot every day and I'm going to bring my best.
Speaker 1:That's why I love you. I think that everyone listening toone I'll just tell you in a group he brings great energy, brings belief. Ben has an ability to make people feel good about themselves, to have belief. This is something that all great people have. I'm just telling you, and you can have that when you're quiet. You can do with a look, you can do with a glance, you can do with a text, you can do with an email, you can do with a video, spoken word.
Speaker 1:But you need to start to harness a little bit more the control and the awareness of what you're making other people feel when you're in business, sports, family, every aspect of your life. So I want to ask you about this. There's this thing beneath there for you that no one's ever phrased this way, that you phrase the best, which is the burn. And this is when I think of you. I think of a good man, I think of discipline, I think of somebody I love, and then I think of the burn. It's the kind of the next thing that I think of with you and for my audience who's not familiar with you, or even people who think they know what that means what's the burn and why is it so important that people figure that out?
Speaker 2:So I believe there's a lot of speakers and coaches that do work that we do and they spend a lot of speakers and coaches that do work that we do, and they spend a lot of time talking about why and purpose, which are incredibly significant and important, but I believe they forget the underlying burn, or fire that lies inside of everybody, and it's actually that burn that ignites your why and your purpose. That then causes you to take the necessary action, to be your best, one day at a time, and that's how I define winning. Whether I'm working with somebody one-on-one for coaching, whether it's a big corporation, whether it's Alabama football, kansas State football, I just want people to look in the mirror at the end of the day and say today I gave it my very best and in the morning I was connected to that fire that caused me to pursue that. And that fire comes from challenge and adversity that you've been through. It could come from pain, it could come from loss. It could come from somebody who's made a sacrifice for you to have opportunity in your life all the way to it might be something short term that you want to fight for in your current state, because many people may not be through the adversity and challenge that I've been through, and a lot of it I would never wish upon anybody. But it might be this short term I'm going to attack this which gives me this burn that ignites everything else. And some people, most people, know what this is.
Speaker 2:And I remember the same RAT event was a blessing for me to warm up the stage for our friend Marshall Fall, and I had asked you and Andy, like can I stay on to listen to Marshall? And if you remember, you forced Marshall. You were like Marshall, don't be humble, talk about the room, of the room, of the room of the room that you're in in the Hall of Fame. And if you remember, he said Ed, there was always something just in my belly. He's like I don't even know what you call it, it's just it. There's just, it's it.
Speaker 2:And it's in my belly and I had to do something with it every day and you guys don't know this, but I was yelling at the screen. It's the burn Marshall and so I think a lot of people they know it's there but I don't know if people understand the importance of connecting to it.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, exactly. What do you mean by that? Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2:Once again back to environment. Okay, many people may or may not know you can actually name your alarm. So my alarm, I actually I don't put it by my bed. Why would you condition yourself to put something as important as what's going to help you get up in a place where it's easy for you to make an excuse? Right? So my phone is across in another room for two reasons number one, I have to physically get out of bed and number two, amy's gonna kill me if that goes on for too long.
Speaker 2:So so I am sprinting to turn that thing off and the first thing I see on the screen is my mother's name Jan Fishman Newman. My mother passed away 11 days before my eighth birthday. So my fireman. If the first thing I see is Jan Fishman Newman, you think I'm hitting that snooze button. I'm 42 years old. My mother passed away at 38. I've been given four extra years, one day at a time. You think I'm going to hit that snooze button, and so for me, I've conditioned myself to connect to what drives me to recognize. You will not make an excuse.
Speaker 1:Man. See, I knew about mom, but I didn't know the phone piece of it. I didn't know that.
Speaker 2:And then I'll share with you. It's actually right here. Same journal. Once again, it's all the environment that we set up. So one of the other things I do every morning, this is my burn journal. It's not enough. This is not easy. I think people want to hit the easy button. In everything that we do, we have to condition our minds. Mental toughness is not easy. People think, oh, I have mental toughness. You have to condition your mind. Your mind is the most powerful weapon that you have. It's a muscle. So, ed, you and I, we can work out our muscles. But the reality is this is a muscle that far too often people don't condition that muscle. So I've conditioned it to see my mother's name, but then I've conditioned it to write down and to deeply connect to the burn. Once I do those two things, it's go time man unpack a few things there.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I knew today was good, brother, but here we go. So one is the phone away from the bed. I do the same thing Most people don't forces me to get up. I'm not going to walk all the way back and get into the bed. Number two mom's name on there and the burn. Put your burn somewhere where you can see it all the time. The third thing is conditioning it.
Speaker 1:I've not talked about that enough and I'm grateful that you said it. Just you got to do it over and over and over again, guys, it's not a one time thing. But you said something earlier in it too, about most people just don't connect to their burn. If it's a pain from a childhood or something they really want, I think they're afraid to get too emotional about it, and that's the very thing that causes you not to take the crazy actions you're going to have to take to get it. You're going to have to connect to that burn because that's bigger than whatever the pain or adversity is that you're going to go through. So that's so awesome, bro, so, so, so good. Right there. Practical, applicable strategies. Why'd you write the book? You could have written about anything, and uncommon leadership is what it's titled. But why'd you do this? What? What compelled you to do it? What did you learn and study in these people?
Speaker 2:So you know, the the interesting thing and I say this very, very humbly it wasn't just the study of these people, it was the study of these 11 uncommon individuals in my work with these 11 uncommon individuals. So it's different, right, I didn't, I didn't research people. I was able to say here was an opportunity for me to learn from some amazing people, and I always like to pay attention and lock in.
Speaker 2:So this is one of the reasons why for me let me go back to morning routine briefly before we attack this. Morning routine is so important. I can knock out 90% of what I need to get done in a day before six o'clock in the morning. I wake up very, very early by six o'clock in the morning. I wake up very, very early by six o'clock in the morning. 90% is done. So when Ed gives me an invitation to come and spend time with him and his and his followers, I am locked in. I'm not worried about something else I need to be doing. So I always make sure I get my stuff done and I'm organized so I can be where my feet are with the individual that I'm with. So, whether it's a team, whether it's one-on-one coaching, so what that's caused me to do is I pay attention to these lessons. So I wanted to give back to these 11 individuals that have had a huge impact on my life that I've watched help me become better every single day.
Speaker 3:So it's not an autobiography about me.
Speaker 2:It's me highlighting 11 lessons from 11 uncommon individuals that I believe are that example of what it means to be great in your pursuit every day.
Speaker 1:Do they have anything in common, all of them?
Speaker 2:I would say the be the example right. They're all an example. They show up and they do what they say they're going to do. They also believe at a very high level in others. They're not fighting to do things by themselves. They believe in others and they recognize that great teams win with a great group of individuals, it's not just one person. And then I think the last thing is they're all uncommon. As you'll see, there's different lessons that they teach that are a little bit different. Some of them maybe haven't quite heard it the way that they teach it right, so they're unique in how they show up.
Speaker 1:So good, let's talk a little bit about leadership for a minute, because I promised everybody we'd kind of go both ways. We started there, then we went to sort of personal habits. So there's one is obviously being the example, the believing in people. But if I want to develop leaders, so I'm a parent, I'm listening to this, I want my children to be leaders, I'm a coach, I'm an entrepreneur and I want to develop my squad, my team, my leadership group. What would be a couple things you would say to be conscious of? I mean, there's a million things, right, everybody's got these topics. But that you've studied, that you've you know, that you've sort of distilled down and say, hey, listen, if you've not developed great leaders before, check these things right here, here's some stuff. What would you say? You know.
Speaker 2:There's two things. Number one I had the opportunity to do work for a $7 billion solutions team from Microsoft and one of the things that the leader of this unit, when he hired me years ago, he said we fail fast and we fail forward. And he said here's why Microsoft is one of the greatest, if not the greatest, technology company in the world. We could work on something for six months and the moment we release it it's old, old news, got to go into something else. So they condition themselves when you face challenge and adversity, you move right through it. So he had actually trained. His team was about 350 people US and Canada, each leader. 12 leaders led about 30 to 40 individuals and so for those individuals he helped them understand you've got to fight through that adversity and you must fail forward. The second thing that I would share, and this is research that I did on Max Weber, spelled Weber W-E-B-E-R. He's one of the fathers of sociology and I'm kind of an old school guy and I think you're the same, ed, like you could yell at guys like us, get in my face and say you need to give more. And I think you're the same Ed. You could yell at guys like us get in my face and say you need to give more. And I can take it. I've been through so much in my life and what I saw with these two eyes before I turned eight, I can take that Many people can't. And what Weber walks you through is the research of the difference of power versus authority. Power is when you force or coerce somebody to do your will. Authority is when you inspire or empower somebody to choose what you know they should choose to be successful. So from that research I developed and this is very applicable for anybody leading anybody, whether it's somebody in your home to whether you're coaching your kids' teams, somebody in a boardroom it's questions over statements my naturalness because I can handle it is I'm going to make a statement, ed, go do this.
Speaker 2:And I realized quickly on my journey, my leadership journey, which is still continuing every day, that didn't work as well as if I asked hey, ed, you know, I recognized three months ago you were on fire. Now let's assume that you're challenged in your growth and three months ago you were on fire. How have you been showing up today compared to when you had that amazing quarter, first quarter of 2021? Oh, that's a great question. I was doing X, I was doing Y, I was doing Z. Okay, awesome, like I remember that, ed. I remember your energy. I remember your passion. I could feel it.
Speaker 2:How are you currently showing up compared to your behaviors and disciplines in the first quarter? Oh, my gosh, I feel I'm a little bit off. Okay, well, ed, what do you think would happen if you stopped tripping on what's behind you and you decided, when you finish today you're going to finish with what those behaviors were that performed at your highest level, and tomorrow you come back and we keep stacking day Ed. What would happen then? And then now Ed says oh, thank you for the amazing conversation. I'm going to go do that. I walked you right into what you already knew. The answers were what's the easy button is Ed, I can't believe this. I've seen you perform. This is ridiculous. You're not going to make it here if you keep showing up like this. So you need to go hammer the phone, or? And so you learn it's more empowering to let, and if somebody chooses the behavior, they're more likely to do it, even if what you're telling them to do is actually what they should do.
Speaker 1:That's a takeaway for me on authority Very good. The other thing is, I think when you are in a position of command, it's easy just to make these statements because you can kind of get away with them and, as you've said, it's just easier. It's easier, that's so good, ben, that is so flipping good. I'm going to ask you a question. It's something that I'm going to confess to my audience. That's going to surprise everybody, but I want your opinion about this and how stern you are about it.
Speaker 1:I spent the last, I would say, 25 years of my life by a rule which is that I don't gossip. I just don't. I feel like I need a shower or a bath after I do it. I feel like it immediately reduces me and my identity and I was very disciplined about it. This last year I was in a couple different environments where I stood that ground. I would say I was a 10 out of 10 at that, the majority of my life. And I would say this last year I was in a couple different environments where I was around people who didn't adhere to that standard and at some point I think I dropped to a seven myself where I would listen to it and maybe I trickle in my own two cents, just a dash, and in looking back on it now I've sort of made it. You know you make a new standard commitment, I just go. I'm not doing that. I didn't do it for 25 years. We all have the. What you said earlier is so brilliant that you can slip back. You can go back when you have a standard.
Speaker 1:One of the keys to my success has honestly been over 25 years is I don't gossip or talk bad about other people, even when I have those feelings feelings I just don't share them. How are you on that? In other words, you've been in teams. You get into a locker room all these egos. One dude starts talking bad about another dude. That can destroy a culture in a locker room but also can destroy an individual when they do it. How do you feel about that? What advice would you give if people are sitting there going? You know I I do gossip about other people or I do listen to gossip about other people. How detrimental do you think that is to someone's performing at their best standard?
Speaker 2:Well, a couple of things here to unpack. First thing is that's actually what I'm responsible for with these teams. Right, when I'm on the sideline for a team, I'm looking for somebody who dropped the interception. His head is hanging low. Right, I'm on the sideline to say, hey, is the guy who's second or third string, who wants the first string's job? Are they bickering right Saying, hey, I should have his job, I should be one on the field right now. Look at him.
Speaker 2:So that's actually what my responsibility is to these teams, because culture wins when you have a strong culture and everybody believes in each other and you support the man in front of you, knowing, if you stay ready and, god forbid, something happens whether it's one play or, god forbid, a season-ending injury I come in ready with enthusiasm. If you're moaning and complaining, you're mentally not ready. If somebody goes down and you need to come in for three downs, you're not ready, and so that's what I'm there for. And so culture wins. And so I look for those things and I've been trained.
Speaker 2:You go and have direct conversations. Now I'm not going to embarrass somebody. I'm going to pull somebody aside and say, hey, we need to support and love each other If we plan on hitting the objectives that we have, starting with attacking the 60 minutes in this football game today Go. Minutes in this football game today, go, yeah. And you have to be direct. Second thing I would say and this is really for you I could feel a difference in your energy, and I'm sure everybody else did too, when you just explained how you felt, as it literally you move forward and you said I'm 10 out of 10. When your face came forward, you know you're better when you're on a 10 out of 10, not gossiping when you said a 7 out of 10.
Speaker 2:It was almost hard for you to say it disgusting your communication. You're disappointed in yourself, yeah. So once again, questions over statements, ed. Which do you want? You want to be the 10 or do you want to be the 7? What's?
Speaker 1:going to make you show up better yeah, I want to be the 10 and I am the 10 and that's why I share this with I. When I'm doing interviews and I'm with someone that I trust and that I admire, like I do you, I'm typically slightly more vulnerable and I look at my game of my life. What are the things I've been good at that are kind of secret things that we don't actually ever talk about, and one for me was I just kept pure of thought pure of thought, pure of word about others for unbelievable length of time and let me say this to everybody too through some times where people did far worse things than the stuff I listened to recently. It was worse things that happened. I would never transfer that.
Speaker 1:If you're someone who's listening to gossip or participating in gossip, you are not going to win. Your team is not going to win. Your family is not going to win. You need to avoid it, run from it and be better than it and rise above it. So that's why I share that today. It's part of like you, I'm an early riser. I want to. If I can get to win that first part of my day, I feel like there's a high probability I'm going to win the middle right and probably the end. Are there things you do as your day winds down that you think are worthy of sharing with everybody here?
Speaker 2:So I'm going to rock the boat a little bit here on this one, but I think you might be on my side of the fence here. You know, if anybody really follows Ed, you see awesome memories with Bella. You see him inviting Bella and her friends. They're out on the boat, they're going to dinners, they're enjoying their favorite things. It's you and Max on the golf court. It's you and Christiana traveling together.
Speaker 2:So you believe that balance does exist. That would be my belief as I watch your behavior and as I love how you show up every day. Thank you, that's a great example for me. That's something I've always believed. I actually have a bookend to my days. I don't have meetings at seven o'clock at night, eight o'clock at night, nine o'clock at night, 10 o'clock at night, Because if I do that and I never turn it off, my family doesn't get my time. There is no balance in my life and I believe that you will not perform at your highest level. I think the world has been conditioned. I'm going to grind 36 hours a day and I'm just going to grind. I understand where that comes from, but I would offer this as an example or something, an opportunity. I should say Try actually giving your family your unconditioned love and mindset.
Speaker 2:Now given my mind might wander. There's something you know, we got a big game coming up or I'm working on, there's a big talk or something. So I may sometimes my mind will wander and I'll take a note. I'm not perfect here, but I do my best to have a bookend. And so when I'm home because I travel as much as I do my day's over, at 530, no later, and I've done that for years Now in the event, there's something that does come up every now and again, but it's become a standard for me. I love to cook for the family and it actually for me. It slows me down. So at 530, if I start cooking, I'm relaxing. What does everybody want to eat? We enjoy a meal around the table together. That makes us better, yeah, and so I get up early so that I don't have to work something.
Speaker 2:If you want balance, the easy way is to follow the lead, and I'm going to be a little bit direct here because I care that much about the people listening. People easily follow the lead of the person who has no discipline and has no balance, because that's easier. Hey, I'll work out. When I work out, I'll do it, because they're not disciplined in their own lives. Yet if you want to be disciplined and have others lead and be the example, you have got to make sacrifice somewhere. So for me, all the way back to when I was a financial advisor years ago, I had clients and I'm talking clients making a million dollars a year. And I used to meet people at the cigar club at the Ritz and they would literally joke with me. I'm talking about people. They were huge clients and they'd say, ben, it's 5, 15, I know you're leaving, you're about to get the bill and so much. They would make fun of me, ed, but they actually respected it.
Speaker 2:They respected it they knew they're like. This guy literally is going home at 5 30.
Speaker 1:I could talk to him about something else for business, but he promised his family he was going to be home, and so I believe if you want balance, you have to build balance and believe that you can have it I know it's a long-winded answer, but no it's empowerful because because one ben ben is up so early and trained, so regimented that I think it's wonderful that you share your recuperation time, that you're not a robot it took me years to start to read people say I think you're superman or a robot. You're not even human. And I'm like, no, no, no, like. I like cheetos too, you know, and I like tv and I take time off. So I love that you share that number one. But number two again, people will listen to go oh, oh, hey.
Speaker 1:Ben newman said I'm done at 5 30, so I'm done at 5 30. That's not what he said. What he actually said was he gets up extra early, makes that sacrifice where his day begins so much earlier than most people, get so much done by 6 am that he can have that for his family. He's eating it for his family at four o'clock in the morning, he's getting up or whatever time he gets up that day so that he can have this, and so it's a trade off.
Speaker 1:I love how granular and detailed we're getting, because it's one of the things that most people wouldn't know about you or me is that I do recuperate, I do rest, I show up present. Because of it we're all human and if we're just depleting ourselves all the time, we're not effective and eventually we'll burn out. Me and Ben been at this a long time right, and one of the reasons, one of the things longevity demands is some form of recuperation and separation from the grind, so to speak. That's how you do stuff 30 years. You can't do stuff 30, 20 years if you don't do that.
Speaker 2:I actually wake up at 224. And so the next level of everybody's success is a math problem. So this is the only reason why I'm stopping on this point. Look at the difference between 4 and 2.24. And I'm not condoning for anybody to do that.
Speaker 2:The reason why I get up that early is because that's how long my morning routine takes for me to wake up that early and to be done at 6 am, because that's when the kids wake up, for me to be present, to get them ready for school, take them to school, watch TV, make them breakfast, because I want to have that family time. So that's why I wake up that early. But the difference of we'll just call it two, 30 to four is 90 minutes. Every 30 minutes, because everybody makes the excuse I don't have time and what I've learned is time and sacrifice. When I take them back, I win more. And so every 30 minutes times five days in a week is two and a half hours. Four weeks in a month is 10 hours. 10 hours is a work day times 12 months in a year is an extra 12 days, so by waking up 30 minutes earlier.
Speaker 2:You get an extra 12 days a year. Me waking up. The difference between four and 230 is an extra 36 days. Most people work 18 to 20 days, so I'm working 14 months when most people are working 12 months.
Speaker 1:By the way, a key to hey, I'd like to get up earlier is I recommend that you start in 15 minute increments weekly, right? So if you're a six 30 waker, get up at six 15 for a week, then get up at six, then get up and you'll find that it's much easier than going. We've all done that. I'm a six 30. I'm getting up at four now and you know you're just gassed by two o'clock every day and then you can't do it, so it's breaking it down over time. So let me ask you about this person listening right now, cause you guys, now you're getting why I wanted Ben on and why I want you to have his book, because we can go in so many different directions. But I'm listening.
Speaker 1:Today I'm driving to my car, I'm on the treadmill, I'm watching it on YouTube and I'm at a stage in my life where you know what you guys both have me really inspired right now and I'm willing to make some sacrifices. But I'm in a slump and or I'm a little bit just as a loss, like I relationship just ended or a business I had is not so good, or you know, the last 18 months has sort of just hit me really, really hard and I'd like to start again today. I know, and, by the way, everybody, you can just start again today. I don't care if you've started 1100 different other times. You can start again. Right, you have my permission and Ben's permission Start again. I don't care if you started again January 1st, you started again last summer. Start again. But if I'm starting again, where do I do, ben?
Speaker 2:But if you're starting again. You have to start, you know. Let's take 75 hard as an example, right? A lot of people they think, oh well, I tried it and I failed. You really only failed if you don't try again, right, if you just say, oh, I tried it, I'm never gonna. And I'm not saying everybody has to do 75 hard. But my point is that's what happens people try something once and they never try again. The failure of not trying again is actually worse than maybe the beer that you decided to drink with your friends and then you couldn't check the box and and you missed 75 hard, yes.
Speaker 2:And so to me, I think you bring up a great point. You have to have a willingness to start again, and so we actually in the book and I've been sharing this for 15 years I call it a prize fighter day, and it breaks down what are the things that you need to do personally, professionally and in your service to others every day. And when you do those things, you win, and we all know what those things are, but we choose to not do them. So if you're in a season of life where it's been challenging to Ed's point, just like he believed in me and shared that and now I put it in front of me every day. He just spoke that into you. Stop where you are and let's build right now for you. Stop. What do you need to do personally, professionally and of service? I need to eat right and I need to break a sweat. Get a workout in. You don't have to train like Ed, but break a sweat.
Speaker 2:Number two you may say in sales, when I perform at my highest level, I got to make I call them points of contact rather than phone calls, text message, email, phone call. I got to make 20 points of contact. That's when I know I'm giving my best. Okay, that's your business. The service which John Wooden used to say can't have a great day until you've done something for somebody else with no expectation of anything in return. Do something for somebody else.
Speaker 2:So you mean to tell me that you can't wake up tomorrow? Get a workout in, eat right, make the phone calls, text messages that you're supposed to make. That's going to make you successful and do something good for somebody. And so I think people have been conditioned in the world that when you fail at least I tried, I think by not starting again. That's way worse than the falling short that you already experienced. Believe in yourself and go back to the attack, because everything you need is already in you. God's given it to you, but you got to choose to take it and sometimes he puts you through pain and failure and challenge because he recognizes you need to find your greatest strength.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh, Ben, that's one of those. Replay it right there. Everybody. Rewind and listen to what he just said again. You said something about God there, which is amazing, Cause as you were talking, I had this calling on my heart, Cause you said about this book that you and I both love earlier, and I'm just curious for you, uh, how important faith has been in your life. And then also, is that a common trait in most of the leaders? You know that there have some faith, whatever that faith is, and that you know perhaps they're willing even to proclaim it. I'm just curious if that was any of the some of the things uncommon leaders have.
Speaker 2:Well, so here's what's actually pretty interesting. The book releases and all of a sudden it shoots right to the top. It's the number one Christian leadership book and it's actually maintained number one Christian leadership book. That's awesome. Since the book came out a week ago, it stays there, and the publisher didn't even select that as a category for the book.
Speaker 1:That's awesome Amen.
Speaker 2:There are three chapters in the book that strongly reference the beliefs from a Christian-based platform that some of the leaders have, one of which is our dear friend, john Gordon. John has actually mentored me since 2008. He led me to Christ. We're both born Jewish individuals that accepted Christ later on in life, so we're Jews for Jesus. That's why you like me, because I'm duly protected, you know you'll be all right, and so there's this strong, faith-based message.
Speaker 2:But, yes, many leaders have it. It's not a prerequisite for leadership, but you do find that it's very common and those strong leaders even a Dabo Sweeney right who it's fun for John and I cause he's worked with Dabo for 10 years. I worked with coach Saban for four years Now we go head to head, but Dabo doesn't hide his faith. You know a lot of leaders there. They're comfortable that you don't have to agree with me, but I'm going to help you understand where I stand in life and in the book it definitely it's there, and there's a prayer that john shared with me at the end of his chapter that you got to let people know where you stand. They don't have to agree with you, but as a leader, don't be fearful of letting people know, where you stand.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I believe that so strongly and I'm so glad you said it the way you said, and of course you know that john's become a dear friend of mine and I, obviously, guys, I. What I feel like is, if you do have faith, that it will help explain to people your moral and some of your standards that you, that you live by, and at the same time, it's a, it's a way of defining who you are and what you believe in and what you stand for. There is a way to say, hey, this is what I believe in, and not say it in a judgmental or preachy way. I'd like to think that I sort of nuanced that relatively well, that people know where I stand. Yet I love everybody, believe in everybody, but I think you kind of know where I stand on stuff, and so I just want to encourage everybody. That's why I asked Ben the question.
Speaker 2:How often when you speak and look when you and I go to speak, oftentimes right as much as we'd like to say, this is where I stand. Sometimes it's in our contracts no politics, no religion. How many times do people still come up to you and say are you a man of?
Speaker 1:faith Ed All the time, Almost, I would say almost every single time.
Speaker 2:And that's to your point that you just expressed is that you believe it in such a way that you show up with this conviction. You don't have to say I'm blessed, you don't have to read a Bible verse. People know it's in your heart.
Speaker 1:They know it's in my heart. And the other thing I want to share with everyone listening to this if I'm an example of one thing, it's that God uses flawed people, and I think Ben would raise his hand and say this as well that I think you all need to know that I make mistakes every day. So does Ben. I'm a sinner, saved by the grace of God, by the way everybody and I just want you to not think that because you're not perfect, that you can't win, Because if you make mistakes you can't win. I think oftentimes people think this mistake, this decision, this judgment, this thought I have disqualifies me from being successful. I'm going to be punished with failure because I'm human. Nothing could be further from the truth. You're not going to be punished with failure because you're a human being who makes mistakes, but having a faith that allows you to reflect and maybe even repent to some extent or grow in it is a wonderful experience to have. When you do make those mistakes is what I would say to everybody listening to this.
Speaker 1:All right, final question for you. I wanted to draw a distinction on leadership for a minute. So you've been around great coaches who you've named leaders, business and otherwise. You've also, and so have I, been around business leaders that weren't so great, or coaches that weren't so great, and so, without naming them, what's some of the biggest differences between the great ones and the ones that you go wow this culture here? Oh, big problem. What do you see? There's probably some subtle things will be invisible to most people. What are those differences?
Speaker 2:I was with a leader. I've never told this story and, you know, sometimes somebody asks a question, it hits you. This was probably 10 years ago and I was being maybe even longer than that interviewed for an opportunity to speak, and it was a top five accounting firm and I was with the leader of the firm and we're in his office and we were talking and he kept referring to our, our, our, and then I saw on his light switch it said my versus our.
Speaker 2:And I said what does that mean? And he said in our culture, he goes, you never hear people say my, my client, my assistant, my, this, my, that. He said everything is our, they're our clients, it's our company, it's our team. A member of our team will be reaching out to you. And I learned a really powerful lesson because it stopped me in my tracks At that period of time in my career. I would have said my assistant is going to reach out to you and nobody does this with any ill intention, but I don't own my assistant, right, I don't own this member of my team.
Speaker 2:And so what I learned from him that day was the power of our. And he took it further. He said when you speak, your team listens. So if I say my this and my that, well, that's my client. I did it by myself. If I say our team has an incredible client that we love working with and our team always works as hard as we can to deliver for that client, it's completely different what the team hears. And so it was this my versus our. I've never shared that in an interview, but those are the little things that you learn on this journey, where you're paying attention, that make a significant difference.
Speaker 1:What a remarkable conversation we've had. There's literally not one wasted second. And probably my favorite thing is the last thing that you just said for me, because I have a tendency to say my this, my that and I'm going to be more of an hour focused and verbal guy. I think I think that way, but I don't think I always talk that way. I hope you're still here, everybody Cause if you just missed that, I feel so bad and if you know people who missed it, tell them to come back and listen. To the end of the interview you said coach Wooden talked about service. Every day. He'd be proud of you. You served a lot of people, served several million people. Today with this, this conversation with me, it's remarkable man, so good. I'm so proud of you and I love you and I'm so grateful you're in my life.
Speaker 2:I just want you to know I love you. The influence on my life it's an, it's an everyday influence and I appreciate it and it means so much to me and I appreciate the opportunity to spend this time with you and all your listeners.
Speaker 1:We're all grateful for you, brother. Hey everybody, you know the deal Share it fastest growing show on planet Earth and, by the the way, got some big announcements about that coming in the next few weeks. But listen, share the show. If you're watching youtube, go subscribe to an audio platform stitcher, spotify, itunes, pandora, whatever serious and if you listen to audio, go subscribe to youtube. I've got additional content there. All right, everybody. God bless you and max out.
