Ep 70 Why is Self-Reflection So Important and What I Learned On My Journey

When we're striving to prove our worth and make something of ourselves, it's easy to get caught up in the hustle. We can feel like every move needs to be productive or else- but what if we took a step back? What would happen if, instead of running on autopilot trying desperately for validation from outside forces, I allowed myself grace & space to check in with my heart? To listen closely, even when it means feeling uncomfortable as we stretch toward new heights and healing moments that will ultimately bring us closer into alignment with who God has called us, each uniquely created, is a beautiful intentioned masterpiece!
In this episode of Thyme 4 Tea with Mikita, I share how finding my truth has helped me evolve and grow personally and professionally.
 
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Show Notes :
[00:01:10] The power of reflection.
[00:04:33] Mindset and self-validation.
[00:09:57] Breathing exercises for calmness.
[00:15:26] Self-reflection and growth.

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Hey there, I'm Mikita , a small town girl with big dreams who started a podcast with an old headset and a laptop at my kitchen table and made my dreams come true. On my podcast, Thym 4 Tea with Mikita, we chat about living life unapologetically on your terms. From career advice, entrepreneurship, relationships, and everything in between.
This is your one stop shop for real conversations and inspiration. If you're looking for connection. Then you found it here. Join me every Tuesday as we dive into those sometimes hard to have conversations. So grab your cup of tea or coffee and get comfy because this is time for tea with Makita and the tea is definitely hot.
Welcome back. It is definitely time for some tea. I want to thank you so much for just sharing your time, your [00:01:00] space, and your amazing energy. So before I dive into today's conversation, I just want to let you know. So. In the process of recording this episode, you know, I was, I hit, I hit the thing. I, I hit record.
I was just on a roll, you guys, and I was just sharing from my heart and I looked down and realized that I never actually hit record. So there are moments, you know, that I just want to say life happens and it's always great to laugh at the things that sometimes we're like, oh my gosh. You know, why me? But not only do we laugh to keep from crying, but sometimes we laugh to give ourselves permission to not take everything so seriously, to realize that mistakes happen, things happen and life goes on and it's okay.[00:02:00] 
All right. So let's dive into today's conversation because I want to talk about the power of reflection. And that's such a huge thing for me because. I feel like in this season of where I'm at right now, I feel like I'm in that uncomfortable middle part. That part where I'm not going forward, but I'm not going backwards.
You know, I'm just sitting in the middle. And if you've been here, or if you're here now with me, you know, in those moments, it gets, it gets really uncomfortable, right? Because... You don't know what to do next. You feel like you're on the verge of something amazing. Like you're about to step into that breakthrough, but at the same time, you don't really know how to get there.
So you just sitting in it. You're just waiting for the next [00:03:00] moment to say, okay, I need to take a left or I need to take a right, or maybe I just need to keep going straight. But if you're here with me, I definitely know how you feel because I'm right here with you in this journey. So I will say what led me on this journey and what it was like for me.
So let me just start there. So when it comes to getting to this place of okay, it's time for me to sit with myself and figure out what's next and how I want to show up. I'm not gonna say that I arrived at this conclusion because It was part of my destiny, part of my path. No, it, it didn't happen that way.
It was more of me going, going, going and finding joy in the movement because I was, the busier I was, the more I felt like I was doing something, like I was taking steps to something bigger and better. You [00:04:00] know, I felt like I was actually taking action if I was moving and doing things. But the truth is... I was just moving.
You know what I'm saying? It's like being on a treadmill. You're running, running, running, but you haven't left the house yet. You know what I mean? You can track it on the Fitbit, but technically you're still in the house. So I had to get to that point where I was like, okay, it's time to hit pause. And it's time to hit pause because you've gotten to this point.
Where you're just ignoring everything around you. And that's what I was doing because I didn't want to hear my thoughts. I didn't want to connect to that piece of me that felt like I wasn't quite validated yet. And. As much as I was showing up for myself, saying you got this, you're out here doing amazing things.
Look at all the things you've accomplished. That [00:05:00] was still this part of me that just was like, that's just not enough. I need to do more. I have to do more. I need to hit this level, this moment, to be here. And the truth of the matter is... Even if I would have got to that level and in moments when I did get to that level, I still was on the, that's not enough.
I still need to get, I made up a whole nother level that I needed to get to. And I just want to tell you, when you start to feel like that, when you start to diminish all the amazing things that you've done, all the amazing things that you're doing just because you are afraid or you feel like someone else has to validate.
Your greatness has to validate how dope you are, then it really is time to, to stop and hit pause. Because there are some things going on there that you need to address because [00:06:00] you can't move forward in those thoughts, in that mindset. And that's where, you know, that where I came to the point where, all right, all right girl, it's time.
And like I said, I felt like I, I hit a brick wall, like I was running nowhere. And then I, I hit that brick wall and it was like, all right, you want to listen, but now you got all the time you need to listen because I ended up in the hospital for four days and not that it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me because no one wants to be in the hospital, not even one day.
Um, but during that time, and I, and I've shared this a little bit before, especially on social media, but I couldn't talk. So I had no other choice. But to sit with me, but to listen to some of the things that I was telling myself [00:07:00] about myself. And then I had to start reframing that mindset and that limits and belief to say, why do you feel this way?
Why do you feel that you're not enough or you're not doing enough? And then I had to ask myself, what is it that you want to do? What impact do you want to make in this space, in this place? And I realized that I'm already making an impact and I'm already showing up. And there's nothing wrong with having bigger goals for yourself, as long as you give yourself the validation that you deserve and not wait for the validation to come from someone else saying you're doing it.
And that's what I had to come to terms with. To give myself that girl, you do, [00:08:00] you are doing it. You are freaking amazing. You're the dopest ever. Look at you out here, doing your own podcast, working a nine to five, raising kids, you know, out here living life. I tell people that all the time, you know, especially when I get tired sometimes, like I took my daughter back to college and I was so tired the next day.
And so I was like, how are you doing? I was like, you know what, I've been out here living life because if I wasn't living, if I wasn't doing things that bring me joy and make me happy, then I guess, you know, I wouldn't have this feeling of fulfillment, this feeling of joy. And if I get a little tired because I'm out with my family and just enjoying the beauty of being with them, then that's life.
That's living. And I want every moment of that. [00:09:00] When I was in the hospital and I was forced to sit with those emotions, those feelings, and come to terms with them, I was also able to sit with my family and listen to them. Because, like I said, I, I couldn't talk. You know, it hurt to talk, so I had no other choice but to listen.
And it felt good because what I was hearing them say and what their body language was saying was totally different. It felt good. So I was able to pick up on different cues and the worry that they had and the stress they were trying to keep from me. I felt it all, I felt all the love that they had for me and it was just like, wow, I have an amazing family.
And I knew at that moment that I definitely wanted to be more present. You know what I mean? I wanted to make sure that in the moments that they came and talked to me and they [00:10:00] wanted to share with me, That I would be silent and I would listen to them and allow them the space that they needed to show up and to make space for their own feelings, you know, and I wanted to meet them where they were at, wherever that place was, but I knew that that took for me to do some work on the inside to really get with that spiritual part of me, that inner part of me and say, all right, it's time.
So that's pretty much how my journey started. And where, you know, where it led me is to this moment, this moment here where I'm still learning and growing, you know what I mean? I think we'll never stop growing and learning. You know, life is all about pivoting, redirection. You. Make a mistake here, you do it wrong [00:11:00] here, and then you just readjust, take what you know, and apply it to the next thing.
So, I will say what I did start doing was I started doing breathing exercises because that was one thing that has brought me so much calm, so much relaxation, and has really centered me in myself. And I feel like when I'm just taking a moment to take a deep breath, And focus on that breath in that moment and how I feel that everything gets really quiet.
Everything gets really calm and I can tap into what I need in the moment. How I want to show up in this moment. And then I can get really intentional about it. Because it's one thing to say, Oh, I want to have a great day today. But we know that in life there are going to be things thrown at you throughout the [00:12:00] day.
That's gonna actually test how great a day you really gonna have, right? You start off in the morning, you're like, Oh, it's going to be a great day. And then you're at work, you get a phone call from, you know, an angry client or person, you know, I work in healthcare. So a patient that's really upset on the phone and you just have to switch that mindset part and say, I'm not going to take their emotions personal because it really doesn't have anything to do with me.
Thank you. They have something going on, they're concerned, I'm going to take that and I'm not going to make it about me. And that's how I really deal with not letting people have control over my mood and how I'm going to show up for the day. Now, I can vent about it. Later on, just because I think we all need to decompress when people really come at us hard, [00:13:00] you know what I mean, when people really test us and really want us to come out of character and they talk to us crazy, like they, lucky for them, they don't know who we used to be and now that we're prayed over and better, you know, we can keep that person On the back deck, but seriously, though, um, I just choose to be in a space where I show up as me in the best version of me.
So when I set that intention and say, I'm going to have a good day, I think about the fact that this is a reminder that just because somebody else is having a bad day, they will not dictate my mood and how I show up and I'm going to be intentional about that. So just think about that when you're setting out in.
Thinking about how you want your day to [00:14:00] go, how you want your afternoon to go, how you want to show up in your spaces that matter to you. You know what I mean? I will say it did change when it comes to my family and being able to use reflection and really focus on, you know, myself and how I'm showing up for them and how I'm showing up for my girls, for my husband.
It has been so rewarding. I feel like I'm closer to them because Now, I don't think I just take what they say at face value. You know, if they say, Oh yeah, you know, things are going great. And they tell me everything that they think I want to hear. Now I am looking at their expressions, their body language, how they're standing when they're talking to me, you know, are they going to sit down or are they just going to stand up?
Do they need to be hugged or just, [00:15:00] you know, given a hug? Like I'm, I'm really, I'm listening. I'm watching and I'm paying attention. And one of the things that I am working to not do is to give advice. I am a fixer, but throughout this, the season of, you know, reflecting and just taking time for them, I'm allowing them to talk through whatever's happening and then come up with their own solutions for fixing.
I think when we love people, we want them to be happy and we want everything to go great for them. The thing is that our solutions and what we think they should do and how we think we should, they should do it is not always right. It doesn't always work. And unless they actually ask me, you know what I think, I don't say anything.
And then sometimes even if they say, so what do you think? I'd be like, well, what solutions have you already come up with? Because guaranteed, if you[00:16:00] 
have you already thought about. You know how you can fix it and sometimes they just want to know if they're right if this is the next step or not But the biggest thing is allowing them to figure it out and I found that as I have been Sitting with myself and getting comfortable in the uncomfortable that I'm also validating my own experiences and solutions to my own, you know, struggles or challenges that I face as well.
So my tips for you is to just sit with it, give yourself some space and grace to take the time to do the work, to do the reflection. And when I say reflection, I don't mean get a mirror and look at yourself and see who looks back at [00:17:00] you. I mean listen to those thoughts that go just not in your head but in your heart that are constantly telling you it's time to slow down, it's time to hit pause.
I need this from you. Sit with that person and be okay with being stretched. Be okay with the growth period that you're in. Be okay if you're not moving forward. Just know that. Even though sometimes it feels like we're in that awkward space of not going anywhere, we are growing so much. We are learning so much about ourselves and what we need, what we like, what we don't like.
I've learned so much about what I don't like, and how much the old me was not okay with certain [00:18:00] things that this new version of me is like, ugh. It's great. It's definitely okay. So, just slow down long enough to hear your thoughts. Long enough to make that inner you your best friend. And use this as a moment to heal.
I think I've healed so much in getting to know who I am and being comfortable in my skin. And I want you to have that moment of growth and healing as well. And sometimes that takes sitting in silence and sitting in the mess of this thing called life. Alright you guys, well, you know that is all the tea that I have to spill today.
But guess what? Join me each and every Tuesday for more delicious hot tea. Until next time, namaste.[00:19:00]