Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Danielle Cobo: Have you ever felt the universe force you into a corner, pushing you to confront your deepest fears? Today's guests went through high flying quarters of the world's top security, cybersecurity company, straight into the depths of self discovery. Burnt out, mourning family tragedy, and battling PTSD, she had faced the raw, undiluted image staring back at her in the mirror after years of wrapping her identity around titles and paychecks.

Today, you'll discover the difference between confidence and self belief, the real roots of burnout, and how to break the reoccurring cycle and the double edged sword of grit and high achievers. And balancing the hustle. Our guest today is Amy Luper. Thank you so much for joining. Thanks, Danielle, for having me on.

So you had this moment where you're looking in the mirror and you're not seeing the person that you typically did in the past. And it sounds like you're looking in the mirror and you're just being confronted with this fear. Take us back to that moment. 

Amy Looper: Yeah, it's kind of that moment of that empty feeling of going.

I know that I'm not aligned in what I'm doing in my career. I felt kind of lost after having kids and just kind of feeling like what's next. I know that something else is going to be in alignment. I just don't know what it is. 

Danielle Cobo: So you're looking at yourself and you're saying, okay, something's off. I'm not in alignment here.

What's going on? How did you know that you weren't in alignment and what did you do? 

Amy Looper: Well, it wasn't like an overnight feeling. It was like this kind of this gnawing feeling after many, many years. after going through a lot of things in between both births of my kids, we had some family trauma.

Lost my father in law and my mother in law really, really close together and it just had to keep kind of smiling and I just kept kind of bending around, you know, I saw my clients, like sometimes as people pleasers, we bend around, the fork, like a spaghetti noodle. And that's what I did. I just kept saying, okay, this isn't working for my family.

This isn't working for my husband. This isn't working for whatever someone else. Right. And so after so many years, I just kept chipping away unknowingly. at what I really wanted to do because I was just trying to appease everyone else and then eventually one day, in a situation with a boss that was rather over the top and I just was like all the angst, the exhaustion, everything just started to rain down and it was like, okay, wow, I have got to either take a break.

Get out of this work scenario, like whatever it was, I just felt like I couldn't move forward. 

Danielle Cobo: So, there's a lot of times we'll say people don't leave a company because of the money. People leave companies because of the manager and it sounds like you had a bad manager. Describe this manager a little bit because I want to understand what this manager was possibly doing or the environment that you were in where you felt like this is just not the place for me.

Amy Looper: Yeah, when you are, you know, any of you in sales that are listening, you know, I brought in over a million dollars in revenue my first quarter working for this company and is amazing company love the technology like went there for the tech, right? I knew this stuff worked. I knew that I could bring any client to this particular company and know that they would literally be very, very secure from a cyber security standpoint.

And I couldn't wait to sell this right. and so, but being there, it was a situation and we oftentimes see this in sales and I think high performing industries. Very male dominated industry as well just seemed to be like you couldn't do enough for this person. It was like you'd always single you out when you could clearly see that other folks were right in the line, if not even just doing, even over the call of duty from your peers.

And yet you were always singled out, always pushed, always, pushed doing something further. more than what was originally, set expectations for. So this person just was really, hard to kind of a narcissist personality. some of those really difficult personalities that we sometimes run across in the workplace.

So it was just that typical situation where it was, you didn't feel that sense of psychological safety or belonging or A culture that you can really be authentic in. You were always kind of watching your back. and so it just wasn't a healthy environment. And so eventually I just prayed like, please let me go to something else.

Let me end this journey, even though, easily can make over 300, 000 in those kinds of roles, and have an amazing business for a very long time, but it just wasn't worth it at that point. 

Danielle Cobo: that's a hard paycheck. And I would say paycheck, but more or less the stability that type of income offers.

It's hard to walk away. I walked away from something similar and it wasn't easy. It was scary. was a lot of fear involved with it. And I would imagine you probably had some of that too. So take us back to that moment where you said. You mentioned that you were laid off. You walked away.

What was that next step that you took? Mutual 

Amy Looper: separation. Mutual separation. Mutual separation. And I was so glad that that happened. Actually, I remember coming out of that conversation going, Ryan, who's my husband, I said, Oh my gosh, it finally happened. I'm free. I knew it was coming down. You just couldn't do anything.

Well, you couldn't do anything right with this guy. And it ended up being this like, personal back and forth. And it was just like not healthy. and I would never want my kids to work in an environment that way. So I'm like, okay, look as a leading mom, like, no, no, you get to go create a different path.

Danielle Cobo: Okay. So that's an interesting perspective there, because when it comes to our kids, for those of us that are parents out there, we would never want them to be in that environment. We're so protective of them. If somebody is mean to them on the playground, it's like, you just want to protect them as much as you can, even though they've got to find their own way to defend themselves and those elements.

But Why do we allow ourselves to be putting ourselves in these situations? It's like, it's not okay for our kids. I mean, we never want that for our kids, but by ourselves staying in toxic environments, we're modeling for those around us and our kids that it's okay. 

Amy Looper: Yeah. It's not okay. And I think as women, we are so conditioned from very early age just put up or shut up or, being the people pleaser and just making everybody happy around you.

And if you come from any of that, or maybe you were the peacekeeper in the middle of a chaotic environment, you can bring that with you into adulthood, you know? And so. I think we owe it to our next generation to break that cycleand The idea that we have to sacrifice.

We have to give everything up that life has to be hard and that if we want a career and we want to grow a family that it's just supposed to be a grind that is just such a false myth. It doesn't have to be. But we do this to ourselves because of the way that society says, well, it's just tough.

Just put up with 

it. 

Danielle Cobo: it is tough. I was talking to my husband the other day and I said, and I always look at there's those moms and parents. I want to be respectful when I say parents, because it is a mutual. And caretaking for kids and raising a family. If you're given the opportunity to have both parents, I didn't have both parents.

So I also relate to those single parents, but I look at these Instagram reels and I see these parents and they're when school's about to start and they're in target and they're saying, Hey parents, you want me to get you pencils? I'll get you as many pencils as you can. You want highlighters? I'll give you as many highlighters as you can.

 they're saying, whatever it takes to get you to take my kids and have them at school again. And I'm thinking in the back of my head, Oh, I hate it when my kids are in school. And I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but the hustle and bustle of getting up at Five, something in the morning, getting them ready and on the bus by six 50, then they're at school all day while I'm working, then pick them up at five o'clock then it's cook dinner, homework, bathe and embed by seven 30.

And then as soon as they're done in bed, then it's make the lunches and clean up the house and do the laundry. It doesn't. Right? Why don't we just talk about how hard it is? It doesn't end. It's exhausting, right? 

Amy Looper: Yeah. You know, it is a grind, right? When you're going through and you're doing all these things.

 but I also really have embraced the fact that, we get to create also that experience and choose the mood that we're going to be in. So do I love making lunches? No, I enrolled. My husband is doing it the days that he can. and also like we get to do it together. Now my kids are seven and nine so they can actually start to help out, you know, and so we can make some of these things, a collaborative partnership and help like create better experience.

And I think mindset is everything. It really is everything, especially when you're a parent. It's like this morning I was getting the kids out. We're on fall break for two weeks. And I'm getting out to, Pony Camp. Spend four days with ponies and it's so cool, but getting the seven year old out. Oh my gosh It's like a coaching a squirrel And every distraction and Because she doesn't want to get dressed right?

She wants to not take a shower and all the things and it's like Okay, take a deep breath, get out of the room, recenter, and then just go back in and realize this is just a phase and that, we get to have a great morning and I have to leave that and as tired as it can be. It also is just like, take a breath and shift, 

Danielle Cobo: Yeah, you're right. In those moments where we're caught up in the hustle and the bustle, we get to choose. How we approach and how we react to those situations. It is up to us and our choice. you're talking about lunches. My kids are starting to get involved in making their own lunches. But I remember before when they couldn't, they were five years old.

guess I could, but when I was making lunches when they were five years old. I kind of made it a game in my head and my husband laughs at me at this, but I was like, how many colors can I get in the lunch pail? So it was, if I was going to make a sandwich and then I said, okay, cantaloupe is orange.

Strawberries are red. Grapes are green. It was just something to kind of make it like a game for myself. And there's some people that are probably thinking this lady is crazy, but to me, it was a choice. To take the mundane out of the task and kind of make it a little fun. And let's just be real. You're right.

Making lunches is not the funnest thing. I much rather be reading or sitting in my jacuzzi or watching my favorite TV show. But there's just a reality that this is kind of a phase in life. Yeah. We get to approach each phase in life with a choice. 

Amy Looper: hmm. Yeah, there's such power in that. And then you're, really, leading your day and you're not having that energy.

 we all have been there. It's eight o'clock and we're just logging in or emails. You just drop the kids off when you feel like you just worked a full day. I mean, let's be realistic. We feel the drain. I'm not going to be real. I'm not going to say like that doesn't happen because it does.

That's reality. But then you can say, okay, wait a minute, ground yourself for giving myself five, 15 minutes. Maybe I journal, maybe I just spend some extra time, reading something. Maybe I, you know, I'd like to read the Bible in the morning. Like whatever it is, like just, give yourself 15 minutes, the world's not going to come crashing down and you get to give yourself a gift of just rebalancing.

And that's how we can, really rebalance our nervous system for this role as a parent, it's high performance. 

Danielle Cobo: That's what it is. Yeah. 15 minutes. It sounds like when we talk about, Oh, 15 minutes, that's not that long. And then when we actually do take those 15 minutes, it does feel a lot longer than it is because we rarely as a society do it.

I know that when I get home, when it's not. 120 degrees in Florida weather. My 15 minutes might be just going for a walk with my kids. It might be when it's really hot outside, just sitting on the couch for a little bit the morning times. That 15 minutes is me going for a brisk walk and listening to my favorite morning podcast, whatever that is.

But that right there, those, 15 minutes could be. That difference in breaking that cycle of burnout, breaking up that day, just a little bit. And I also believe that 15 minutes could be separating your brain from what you had just done with work and kind of recentering yourself for the nighttime routine 

Amy Looper: ahead.

A hundred percent. I actually flipped my workouts. I used to be like, The 4 a. m. person, right? Gotta get up, gotta do all the things and get my meditation and my workouts in early, early, early. And that, works to a degree, but there's some weeks where I'm like, you know what? Because of my schedule, I really need to do that at the end of my day to give myself that buffer between, work and kids.

So, you just kind of have to feel it out and be flexible and open and just agile in how you're approaching each day because there's sometimes where you're like, okay, we have gymnastics tonight. We have a church thing tonight. Like, it's going to be lasting until nine o'clock and I need that energy.

So you might need to take a break mid afternoon. to like, just kind of restore yourself again. 

Danielle Cobo: Yeah. So let's dig in now. You talked about this rediscovering yourself. you've had this big high profile corporate job. You're a high achiever. You've got what that American dream looks like. Six figure income got the house, the kids, but now you've hit this moment where you said you're looking in the mirror.

You've had this mutual separation from the organization that you are with. And you're saying, this, I'm looking at myself in the mirror, but I don't see myself in the mirror. Yeah. What did you do? 

Amy Looper: Yeah. Well, I just stayed out of the workforce, and two weeks later the pandemic hit and I intentionally was like, no, let's create a business.

My husband's like, why didn't you just create a business and intentionally stay out of like going to another sales job? He's like, you've been miserable for a while. And so I said, no, that's a great idea. And so that's what I did. And I really owe it to. The courageous action of being an entrepreneur of trying to figure out all of the things that we all have to figure out in those early stages.

 and I started to do advising, that was my first step. I worked with tech founders that I knew in cyber security did a lot of. sales advisory and helping them be, stronger, sellers as technical founders. And then eventually I got really courageous and I said, you know what, if you're going to do this thing called entrepreneurship and you're all in, you have got to really bet on yourself and go where you want to serve.

And so it was a lot of transformational leadership work, investing in myself. Really processing the traumatic things that had happened to me, and it wasn't therapy or anything else that ever helped with that over the years. It was that transformational leadership work where I was like, okay, got it. I really have more potential.

I get to play a bigger game. I am worthy. So as I grew in self belief and started to see my worth, and this was not an overnight thing, this took while. know, it's all started to come together and I started to create the things that I really wanted to do. And I started to align back with my soul and it was also a big walk in faith.

 it's a big walk in surrender of, wait a minute, let go of fear that you have to live life. A certain way you have to be in cyber security, working with this big, logo, because that's what everybody thinks you should do. Right. Or that's what you have a self expectation of releasing all of that, shutting all the layers.

Looking at yourself in the mirror going, Hmm, I haven't had that identity. And my identity paychecks been completely stripped. My ego is completely crushed and, let's rebuild. So, it was a process. But rediscovering yourself is such a gift because you get to get really truthful with what you want.

So if you guys are listening and, you're having a hard time answering this question, what do you want? If you're like, Oh man, I'm stuck. Don't feel like you're alone because you're not alone. We go through this. It's, I think it's a, definitely a woman in a parenthood kind of experience for many people.

 but you get to get truthful to yourself and you get to get step out of that place of people pleasing, you know, and really start to ask yourself now I'm catching myself people pleasing. Let me go back in. What do I really want? What do I really want? And just, pray it up and it will all come to you in due time.

Danielle Cobo: Okay. So I'm going to challenge just a little bit on this because a lot of times there's this assumption we say as women is where people pleaser as women is. If you don't know what you want it, you're not alone. I work with men and women and there's a lot of men and women out there that don't know what they want that sometimes feel lost.

They're always looking for clarity on what the next step in their career is going to be. They think they have this image and there's this expectation that society's put on men saying, you need to be macho. You need to be the provider of the household. And if you're not providing for the household, then you're insufficient.

This is what society has put on. So I know that. Women are probably typically a little bit more open and saying, this is how women experience, but men do too. And so I really want to challenge and saying, this is men and women that are experiencing. this a hundred 

Amy Looper: percent. in my work that I do with, parents and things, there's a lot of men out there that they reach a point and they're like, you know, what, I actually want to be a stay at home dad.

Awesome. like it's all good. it's whatever's really aligned with where you are. And it doesn't mean it has to like be forever either. we're humans that go through a human experience and it changes. Yeah. 

Danielle Cobo: One of the first guests on my podcast, this is probably within the first five episodes.

Actually no, it was the first episode of my podcast. she was a woman, she had a VP position in a big organization and she talked about sometimes the insecurities that she had stepping into a VP role for the first time, but also the insecurities that took place because her husband was a stay at home dad and she was the worker.

And what sometimes those reactions that the women would give at the PTA meetings. So going, Oh, so you're the mom, like, Oh, so now you've graced us with your presence. So it's a really good episode for those that are listening. It's a good episode, but let's talk about this transformative journey that you took into leadership for those that are either in the entrepreneurial journey or they're working in corporate.

What is one specific step that you took in this transformative? Experience that you had that they can do today to help them identify what success means to them for what they want. 

Amy Looper: Well, I mean, I think a very tactical stuff you can do today, is really just get some quiet time, no distractions, turn off the phone and just start journaling.

 just start journaling or sometimes I even like just turn on like my otter AI and just start talking and see like what's transcribed because sometimes I just need to like get it out. So if you're not a journaler, there's more than one way, but, really just start seeing what comes up for you as you reflect on what's going on in your life, your day, maybe you look at yesterday.

 and oftentimes I'll have people journal about their day prior because it's high performers. That's high achievers week. We get that self criticism gets to be quite high, and it becomes this behavior that we probably don't even notice at first, but we're going to self beat up pretty easily. And so really looking at, wait a minute, what are the things I did yesterday that really moved the needle?

On my business and my personal life. What did I do for myself? How did I give myself the gift of just some rest and recovery time? and really just giving yourself that pat on the back I mean, that starts with you. There's no program or coach or anybody and none of that works unless you do this kind of work 

Danielle Cobo: internally.

Oh, you're so spot on. I work with a lot of sales people. I have a lot of clients that are in sales and a lot of times they come to me and they just say, I'm not hitting my number and I don't know what's working. And they get into that self beat up. And number one, that self beat up does not serve you.

 once you start doing it, just. A little bit, it's chipping away at your confidence and you continue to do it. And it's a diamoral spiral. It just keeps going. And then all of a sudden you wake up one morning and you just feel lost. You've got no self confidence and that ultimately affects your numbers even more.

So whether you're working in a corporate environment and sales, or you're an entrepreneur, that self beat up is probably the worst thing that you can do for yourself. And then like you said, it's, kind of taking that step in that self reflection and saying, what's working well in my life and my business, what's not working well, what's not serving me well, what are some steps that I can make some just small little pivots and refinements to change so that I get the outcome that I want.

And more importantly, I always invite my clients. When you sit down in that room and you're journaling, what you want, close your eyes and think about. what brings you the most joy? Yeah. Because if you don't know your why as to why you're doing it, before you and I jumped on this call, we were talking about the walking away from big salary and a big income.

And I said, I'm still motivated by money. I always will be. I wasn't raised with a lot of money. So to me, money means security, but more importantly, my driving and why for why I want to build something big is that feeling. that you get to not only provide for your family, but that feeling when you come across somebody who's in a difficult time and to just be that lending hand of saying, let me help you, I can, it's somebody that needs a meal or clothes or just some money to get back up on their feet, or they're going through medical, situations right now.

But that's the why. That's the feeling. And when you get back to your why, that's what gets you the motivation to keep going and to get out of that, self criticism, because that's your motivator and your North star and North point to get you to where you want to be. That's what keeps that 

Amy Looper: purpose alive.

Yeah. A hundred percent being in service, being love towards other people, being an impact is the highest. Vibration, it's the highest way of being you can be in the world. And so you can pull yourself right out of fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, all the lower level emotional states that can really keep us stuck.

And when you choose to be courageous, it might be really courageous for you in that moment to be like, okay, This has been a low month in my business or I didn't hit my bonus, but I'm still going to go be in service, that's when things flow is when you make those big choices like that, where it feels uncomfortable, it feels out of the norm, does it feel logical?

 but you are surrendering, you're surrendering to 

Danielle Cobo: different process. You're surrendering towards a higher cause. Yes. And let's talk about the ways too that you can be in service throughout every aspect of your day. It could be helping a coworker. It could be just picking up the phone and asking them, how's your day going?

What can I do to support you? It could be calling a friend. It could be helping out a neighbor. There's so many ways that we can be in service and there's studies that show that when we're Those of the individuals that volunteer. Have happier lives because they're in service and it sounds counterintuitive.

Here I am in the hustle and the bustle and I'm, exhausted and I'm burnout and you're telling me to add more on and to help others, but you'd be surprised that by helping others, it could help relieve some of that burnout because you're called to a higher purpose and it's a more fulfilling experience.

Amy Looper: Yeah, one of the things we do in the work that I do it with my clients is the last part of the service project, because oftentimes when we're in that place of, you know, the corporate grind, maybe you're a C level, maybe you're owning your own business, maybe you're, you know, in sales, whatever it is, it's just.

The nature of those businesses often takes you to a place of inwardness because you're just trying to get things rolling in something, right? And so we have to be intentional about thinking outward. Okay. Wait a minute. let me just get back in out of the hustle and into, a place where I can help other people right around me.

Like you said, maybe it's a colleague. but being in service is just. So impactful, but you have to be intentional about it. So if you haven't really lined up, like the things that really light you up, the organizations or the ways of creating impact, I really encourage people to do that between now and the end of the year.

Like, think about how you can kind of weave that in over October, November, December, because you'll see a shift. You'll just see, you'll feel lighter. and you'll be able to maybe make some connections that open doors that you never thought. and it's really a great cycle. It's just a great way of being.

Danielle Cobo: So for those of you listening, I invite you to share with us with this episode. We're talking about being in service. We're talking about having this being called to a higher purpose. And being in servitude to others and the gratefulness that we get to experience from that. I want you to tag us on social media, take a picture of what you're doing.

Maybe you're volunteering at a local church. Maybe you're volunteering and serving food to the homeless right around the holidays, but to tag us in it, to share these stories, let's create this ripple effect for those around us being in servitude. So whether you're going to. Tag us or DM us. We want to hear from you and we want to see how we as in community can make a difference in other people's lives.

Thank you so much, Amy, for joining. 

Amy Looper: Yeah, no problem. Thank you for having me. It's just a pleasure to be in service of you guys. So let me know if I can help. 

Danielle Cobo: Well, before we go, you have a book. So please share with our listeners a little bit about your book. 

Amy Looper: Yeah. So, I wrote leading motherhood last year and literally I wrote it within a couple of months.

It just kind of was a perfect timing. So if any of you are wondering about how to write a book, like just go with it. If you're thinking about doing it, do it. I wrote leading motherhood surrendering to faith out of fear from the delivery room to boardroom talking about, the journey of motherhood, the myths of motherhood.

From everything we experience in the workplace to the birthing experiences, to societal and marriage experiences, and then it's also do it yourself journal. So, people can really work on their vision, their boundaries. It is not just for early stage moms, it's for anybody going through, and men too. really for anybody that really wants to rediscover themselves and get back into connection with what they truly want.

and so I appreciate you having me, drop that in here and, happy to, gift that to any of your listeners really that want it because, it's more important to me that you guys just have some tools. 

Danielle Cobo: Well, I'll include the link in the show notes to your book so that our listeners can pick it up.

Cause I'm sure there's somebody out there that can relate to this, to our stories and what you've shared and can say, yeah, absolutely. I want to get to that self discovery and I know what it's like to feel burnt out and hustle and bustle. And I want to take these steps to live a more fulfilling life have that faith over that fear.

So we'll go ahead and include those notes. the link in the show notes. And for those of you that are listening, if you know somebody right now, maybe you've got a friend, a colleague, a family member who you know is trying to juggle it all. And you know that they just could use a little boost and inspiration and motivation.

Share this episode with them. This is part of being in service. To others is to sharing tools and resources to help others, and pick me up and inspire them. So share this episode with them. And until then, we will see you next week and be sure to be unstoppable.