Leading with Integrity: Overcoming the "That's Just the Way I Am" Mentality

Ever encountered a leader who shrugged off criticism with a dismissive "that's just the way I am"? It's a phrase that can poison a team's well-being and clamp down on growth. In a frank discussion on leadership pitfalls, I explore how this attitude fosters a toxic hierarchy, excuses unprofessional conduct, and blocks the path to personal and team development. Drawing on personal anecdotes, I reveal the corrosive effects this mindset has on motivation, fairness, and conflict resolution within teams, often leading to plummeting performance.

Shifting gears, we delve into the transformative journey of responsible leadership—where accountability and self-growth are not just buzzwords, but the bedrock of excellence. By sharing stories of vulnerability and the power of owning up to our mistakes, I underscore the importance of fostering a culture that prizes continuous improvement and mutual respect. Learn how setting a bar that towers above mediocrity can inspire innovation and empower team members to reach their zenith, making the collective soar to new heights. Join us for a no-holds-barred examination of what it truly means to lead with integrity and inspire a culture of relentless progress.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome back to the FireForge Leader Podcast. Today we're diving deep into a topic that many of us encounter in the workplace, and it's leadership and the detrimental impact of certain phrases. Now here's the deal. We have all heard or said phrases like these oh, it's just the way he is, or that's just the way I am I know how hard I am to get along with, but just bear with me here. These statements often act as excuses for poor behavior and, while they seem harmless on the surface, they can be incredibly damaging to a team's morale and productivity. So today let's explore why these phrases are problematic and what leaders can do to foster a healthier, more collaborative work environment. Hey, I'm Steve Baumgartner, your host, and my mission here today, and the mission of this podcast, is to serve you through providing knowledge, tools and resources around leadership strategies on three primary battlefronts. Those battlefronts are simply out in the workplace, in your community and, most importantly, with your family. Now let's get to work.

Speaker 2: 1:38

Leaders are not born in a womb. They are forged through heat, pressure and a whole lot of sweat. The Fireforged Leader podcast serves the audience through exploring leadership at work, in the community and with the family, using a practical perspective and real-life experiences from the host, steve Baumgartner, and his guests in the Forge. Now it's time to enter the Forge with the Fireforged Leader.

Speaker 1: 2:16

Alright, let's first talk about the leader, who uses these phrases that I mentioned in the introduction for their own behaviors. Now, what happens when they use these type of behaviors, or when they use these type of phrases to condone their own behaviors? Well, first off, they're telling the team that their behavior is the only one that matters. You tell your team that you're above them and they are below you. It shows them that you're above the law and it also shows them that you're unwilling to grow past where you currently are, past where you currently are. So it begs the question why should they grow anymore? Why should they grow anymore to this pinnacle of someone they don't even respect? All right.

Speaker 1: 3:19

So I worked for a guy once and this guy used to get pissed off first and then ask questions later. We all know this guy right, and he would do this no matter whether it was in a team setting or whether it was one-on-one. Someone would recommend something and he goes why the hell would we do that, or something along those lines, or we're not doing that. That's stupid, and I'm not exaggerating. This guy is a prick, all right. So, like I said, he would do this in a group setting 10, 12 people, it didn't matter, or he'd do it one-on-one. And the funny thing is that in a one-on-one setting he would tell me hey, steve, I know I'm a hard guy to work for. And I'd be thinking in my head yeah, you are, you are, but I'm glad you can admit it. But then he would excuse it and he would say something like but we got some things accomplished today, didn't we? So it was a pretty effective meeting and you know, I'll fight sometimes and then sometimes I'll just hold my breath, right, because I don't like to argue with idiots, because the idiot always wins In team settings. This guy would say things like I'm glad we could talk like this, guys. I know it gets heated, but that way I can tell you guys got passion Right Now. What he didn't know was that in this group setting that people stopped talking and they allowed him to be right because they were just tired of hearing his bullshit.

Speaker 1: 5:30

So for myself, I can generally hold my own with this type of behavior. I've put up with a lot of it over the years. It does piss me off and you probably heard that in my words just a second ago and I also have the tendency from time to time when enough's enough, and I'll light someone up because of things like this, but not everybody's like me. People don't have as broad of shoulders or be able to take this kind of stuff right. There's other people that do things that in today's world is defined as quietly quitting. This is when they stop performing these people. They step down from their positions. You know, it might be an organization that you're stepping down from where you could make a tremendous impact, but the leader at the time doesn't allow you to do that because he's so insecure that it has to be his idea. These people might transfer from a job into another role where they get a different leader to work for, or they simply might just go and find something new. And then you're sitting back wondering why they quit.

Speaker 1: 7:02

Interestingly enough, leaders who excuse this behavior of their own. Whenever someone quits or leaves the organization, they're like oh, that person sucked, you know they, they just weren't right for this. Or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, it's you, dude, it's you Now. Believe me, this is not the culture that you want to cultivate.

Speaker 1: 7:34

All right, so now what about when a leader excuses a team member using these types of phrases? Right, so a team member is acting a certain way and the leader excuses it. Well, generally what happens is that there's this perception of favoritism that builds up and that demotivates the other team members and that demotivates the other team members. The leader loses respect by the members of the team. Ultimately, there's this sense of conflict and tension within the team, and it's all because it's divisive. It's just words, but it divides. It's just words, but it divides. Ultimately, as a leader, it shows that you have a lack of accountability and ultimately, it ruins your reputation as a leader and your leadership capital when you choose to excuse other people's behaviors.

Speaker 1: 8:56

So a personal example on this topic quite a few years ago, I worked for a man and I'm going to tell you right now I have a tremendous amount of respect for this man and I absolutely love him, for this man and I absolutely love him. This man invested in me, he believed in me, he gave me autonomy to do my job, but he was also known for excusing the behaviors of one of my coworkers. For excusing the behaviors of one of my coworkers. This coworker of mine treated people like absolute trash. Other leaders in the organization saw it, coworkers of mine saw it and then innocent bystanders also saw it, but the leader that I worked for excused it continuously. He would use phrases such as oh, that's just the way Joe is, you know, he's who can do X, y, z. You know.

Speaker 1: 10:11

Now, even though I had a great relationship with this boss of mine, I found his lack of discipline for this teammate absolutely horrendous. I viewed him as weak-willed Within the department. There was a ton of tension and it all revolved around this one individual. Now, eventually, this man, he ended up coming to work for me and I no longer worked for the same boss, and that was all due to a company reorganization. But I'm going to tell you right now, it was a really bad deal and I came away from all of it feeling absolutely horrible. From all of it, feeling absolutely horrible. Not horrible because of the way I led, but because of the situation that this once co-worker and now employee of mine lack before and had now. Just the change of expectation is what I feel bad about. So I'm going to explain that here a little bit.

Speaker 1: 11:30

So he was allowed for years and years to treat people a certain way and get away with it, and he was rewarded for the results that he achieved, even though the means were not good. When he came to work under my leadership, we talked right up front. I set the expectation that this has to change, that this is not how I led, that this would not be tolerated. He went out there and continued to be the same person and we tried to course correct a couple of times and he was getting very close to being terminated and this gentleman ended up quitting instead, and this hurt our relationship even more. He had a very hard time adjusting to simply treating people with respect, to simply treating people with respect, but more it was adjusting to the expectation that I had for him, and the reason why he had such a hard time was because that expectation had never been withheld before. To me, the reason why this went south was due to the previous leader, and I'm not big on casting blame, but I believe that this person would still be working for the company If the expectations were managed from day one.

Speaker 1: 13:28

Now, as leaders, we cannot act this way. We must rise well above this behavior. So I'm going to suggest a few things, a few ways that you can course correct on your journey this moment. And now I get it. It absolutely sucks sometimes to hold our people to a standard. I get it. Sometimes these people like my co-worker, turned employee, who had done great things for the organization and I'll agree, he was an absolute genius and there were certain things that he could do that nobody else could do at that time I get it, it sucks. And sometimes they're friends, right, I don't care who you are, you make friendships in the workplace. But our friends. If we allow these behaviors to continue, we make the choice, as leaders, to sacrifice the team for the individual. It doesn't make any sense and then when we finally get to the end of our rope, when we finally get tired of this behavior and we hold them accountable, it ultimately ends up ruining this friendship that we thought that we had in the first place.

Speaker 1: 15:22

Now I'd venture to believe that if we would go hey, mike, I know we're friends, but I need you to understand that I have a job to do and my job is to help elevate the entire team and I need you to be part of that team. I need you to treat people a certain way, I need you to act a certain way and we can still be friends, but I need you to be an example on the team. I need you to help. An example on the team, I need you to help me out with the mission. So we got to nip these things in the bud. Now, on the other hand, if you are using these kind of statements to condone your own behavior, that's certainly not any better. But I will state that it's easy to get caught in this trap and I've been in this trap. So some of the reasons I think it's easy to fall into this trap or get caught in this trap is a better way to say it.

Speaker 1: 16:54

We hear things all the time that works to build a mindset. That works to build a mindset. We hear things like a tiger can't change its stripes and personalities are set, and many other things. But I'm going to tell you right now all of it is bullshit, shit. We can change anything about ourselves if we truly wish to change and make a plan that changes that course of direction.

Speaker 1: 17:34

For example, a couple years ago, I completed a 360-degree assessment. If you haven't ever done one, I would recommend that you do so. It taught me a lot over time. But I took this just a couple years ago and it was my second time taking it, and I remember this corporate HR lady. She was on camera on teams and she just had this shocked, surprised look on her face when she was reviewing my results with me and she said Steve, that is the most circular spider web that I have ever seen on one of these assessments. So, like I said, there's a spider diagram that these results are shown in and each leg of that spider diagram is a different leadership attribute. And, like I also said before, I had previously taken this 360-degree assessment. I had previously taken this 360 degree assessment and the first time that I took it it looked like a damn mountain range. You know. It had spikes and valleys and all of the things that you would expect. So what's the difference? Well, when I got the first result, I wasn't very happy. There was some things that it showed me that I thought that I was a whole hell of a lot better at. It showed me some glaring issues that I had in my own leadership style. And that day it showed me some glaring issues that I had in my own leadership style. And that day, that very day, I decided I was going to change some things about how I led people. I was going to change some things about me. So I started to research and I started to practice different things and I kept on working on these low areas of the chart and ultimately, this tiger changed its stripes.

Speaker 1: 20:05

So here's my answer to both how do you change direction on holding yourself to a higher standard and holding your team members to a higher standard? Well, the first comes with self-awareness and reflection, just like with this 360 degree assessment and just like in Alcoholics Anonymous. Right, we have to understand there is a problem and that problem lies with us. Nobody else. That problem is ours, nobody else. That problem is ours. Now, when we're utilizing these words for ourselves, that's easy to see. It's easy to see that it's our problem. If we're utilizing these words for someone else, right now, I'm here to tell you you are the accomplice to the attitudes and behaviors that they are exhibiting. But since you have the rank in this situation, since you are the leader, that ownership falls on you to address it. So think about it. Are you utilizing these words into any situation, with your boss, with a co-worker, with someone you lead in your community, in your workplace, at home?

Speaker 1: 21:45

Next, you need to give yourself latitude to be vulnerable. Yes, I said the word vulnerable. You need to be vulnerable to your team, to the people you lead. You need to admit, up to this point in time, you have made some mistakes. You have done some things yourself. You have used phrases that excuse behaviors of yourself or someone that is on the team. You need to call them out by name and own them, and then you need to let your team know that today is a new day, it's a fresh start and, starting today and moving every day forward, that you're going to work on this and ask them to allow you to be human and forgive you for the mistakes that you've made.

Speaker 1: 23:04

Then you need to follow through and seek feedback, and you need to act upon this feedback. Ask your team to help you on this journey, ask them to call you out when you use one of these behaviors, and then you need to give them the space to do it. If you're going to ask them for feedback, you need to be willing to accept it, discuss it and put it into action. You also need to invest in your own personal development. All right, just because you are the leader, don't miss any opportunity for your own growth. Because you have a title doesn't mean you're the best of the best of the best. It means that someone believes in you to be able to lead others and as they grow. You need to be able to grow so that you can continue to help them up the mountain. Your team's going to appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 24:21

And then, finally, you've got to model positive behavior. Quit the negative behaviors immediately. Just stop and I know that's easier said than done but once you're aware of them, you need to work on stopping them. When someone else has that behavior, you need to make sure that you discuss it with them as well. Discuss it with them as well. Don't allow these behaviors to fester and get in the way of a good team.

Speaker 1: 24:57

Now, in closing, it's essential. It's essential for leaders to move beyond the that's just the way I am mentality, or that's just the way I am mentality, or that's just the way Joe reacts, or it's all right, that's just Joe being Joe. Leadership's not about being perfect, all right, all right, but it is about striving for improvement and it's about fostering a culture of respect and growth, vulnerability, I said it again, seeking and acting on feedback, investing in your own personal development and the ones around you, and modeling these positive behaviors. We, as leaders, have the opportunity, the tremendous opportunity, of creating a thriving, cohesive and an innovative team. So remember, leadership is about evolving and inspiring those around you to reach their fullest potential.

Speaker 1: 26:31

That's what it's about. It is about elevating others, not yourself. Sometimes that's hard, but we need to work through it. All right, I'll end it there. I want to thank you for once again tuning into the FireForge Leader podcast. Now, if you found this episode insightful, I'd just like you to share it with others who might benefit from this message others who might benefit from this message. You can also give a rating and review on whatever app you're currently listening to this on.

Speaker 2: 27:22

Until next time, let's keep striving for excellence in all that we do in leadership. You have just experienced the heat and pressure of the Forge. Remember words without action are meaningless. Now, after the heat of the Forge, shape your thoughts, quench your brain. Then put your new tools to use, adding to your leadership. Tune in next week for more lessons from the Forge.