Are You Your Biggest Obstacle?

The team from Your Personal Power Pod is excited to be bringing you Season 5 of our podcast!  This season we will have new exciting episodes for you, many of which have been inspired by your suggestions.  We want to thank you for continuing to take this podcast journey with us, and look forward to hearing your comments and thoughts in the coming months.

In today’s Episode we’re looking at the possibility that you might be your biggest obstacle.  Have you experienced times when you’ve been hoping something will happen, or trying to make it happen, but for some reason things just don’t come together?  You want to overcome issues or achieve goals, but you stay stuck.  It might be that without realizing it, you are creating your own obstacles.  One part of you wants something to happen, but another part of you is getting in the way, and you might not even know it.  In today’s episode of Your Personal Power Pod, we look at how you might be your biggest obstacle.


We want to hear from you, whether it’s your stories about how self-esteem and personal power affect your life, or topics you’d like us to address in future episodes. 

We’d love for you to review our podcast. Do this on your streaming service or visit www.yourpersonalpowerpod.com , click Contact and drop us an email. 

You can also find us on Instagram and YouTube at Your Personal Power Pod.

Also, if you’d like to make changes in your personal or business life, spending time with a coach can make all the difference.  Sandy is offering a free consultation, so contact her at sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING in the subject line to schedule a free call.

Thank you for listening to Your Personal Power Pod.  We look forward to hearing from you.

And, until next time, find your power and change your life!

Transcript

E115 are you your biggest obstacle

[00:00:00] Shannon: Welcome to Your Personal Power Pod, a podcast about aligning yourself with the life you want. And here are your hosts, Sandy Abel and Shannon Young.

[00:00:20] Sandy: Shannon, this is a red letter day. We are starting our fifth season. Can you believe that? Three years, five seasons. Oh my gosh. This is so exciting. 

[00:00:31] Shannon: Who knew there was so much to talk about? Actually, we did. 

[00:00:36] Sandy: We always find something to talk about. And what is really cool is that our awesome listeners have stuck with us for three years.

[00:00:43] Sandy: Many thanks to all of you. 

[00:00:45] Shannon: Yes, definitely. So welcome to season five of your personal power pod, where we talk about reclaiming your power. 

[00:00:52] Sandy: Right. And being your best self. and just loving yourself. Today is a really important topic. We are [00:01:00] talking about are you your biggest obstacle? 

[00:01:02] Shannon: Because usually the answer is yes.

[00:01:05] Sandy: Isn't that interesting? So often you want something to happen or you're trying to make it happen and for some reason it doesn't come together the way you want it to. Instead of just figuring out what's going on, we tend to blame other people or we tend to say, Oh, well, it'll just never happen. We're the ones that get in the way of making our life be what do we want it to be.

[00:01:28] Sandy: So we thought we would look at that today. 

[00:01:30] Shannon: This is great. I think we've all had people in our life where it seems to us really obvious, hey, you're getting in your own way. But when you're the one getting in your own way, it's not always easy to see that. 

[00:01:43] Sandy: That is very true. We always seem to have reasons why things won't work.

[00:01:49] Sandy: I was talking with one of my clients the other day and he was saying, well, I really want a new job, but, and there's that word, but, which just makes it so everything [00:02:00] else is why it won't work. But I don't know exactly what I want to do or, but I can't find something that pays me as well. He stopped himself.

[00:02:09] Sandy: You stop yourself in your tracks when you say but. It got me thinking about how we often do this without even being aware of it, like you just said. 

[00:02:17] Shannon: Or you're feeling stuck, so you just reiterate over and over and over again that you're stuck. I feel stuck. I'm so stuck. I'm stuck. I'm stuck. I'm stuck. And then your story becomes that you're stuck.

[00:02:27] Sandy: Right. And then you never go anywhere and you're not real happy with the situation. Right. So an obstacle is something that gets in the way of being successful or achieving something. Sometimes it can be something over which you have no control, but most of the time it's probably something about you. 

[00:02:45] Shannon: And there are a lot of different ways you can get in your own way.

[00:02:47] Shannon: Sometimes it's just continuing to repeat messages of self doubt, or fear, negative self talk, or sticking with old habits. Sometimes if you haven't [00:03:00] taken a look at everything you're doing in your life, you're just going about things the way you always have. That's why. Things aren't changing 

[00:03:06] Sandy: or it might be because you don't want to get out of your comfort zone.

[00:03:09] Sandy: You're too cozy there and you'd really love for things to change, but it's comfy in your comfort zone. So you don't want to take the actions necessary to move forward. 

[00:03:21] Shannon: Well, and that's key. If you say you really want things to change, but you really want to stay feeling the way you're feeling, which is maybe safe and familiar, then questioning how much do I really want things to change can be helpful.

[00:03:34] Shannon: Maybe you don't want them to change as much as you thought you did. Maybe a little bit of change is okay, but you got to get clear about that. 

[00:03:40] Sandy: Exactly. And sometimes you're afraid of failure. You know, you're afraid people are going to judge you or laugh at you or it's not going to come together, although I don't believe there is such a thing as failure.

[00:03:51] Sandy: I think that's always lessons. And if you fail, you're like, Oh, good. Well, I learned that that that particular road doesn't work. So I'll go down a different road. [00:04:00] Or you can just say, Oh, I failed. I'll never get it. And some people are actually afraid of success. 

[00:04:05] Shannon: Yes. 

[00:04:05] Sandy: Because if they accomplish what they are setting out to do, then they have to continue learning new things and moving ahead and sometimes success can be uncomfortable too.

[00:04:17] Sandy: People don't even notice that. They might be avoiding success even though they think they want it. 

[00:04:22] Shannon: Because success comes with letting go of other things. That's right. And if you're not ready to let go, sometimes relationships change. Sometimes getting that job means you have to move. Sometimes getting that degree means you're leaving school and won't be in touch with the same people all the time.

[00:04:39] Shannon: Like, there are definitely opportunity costs to succeeding. 

[00:04:42] Sandy: Exactly. It's all about change. And if you want to move ahead, you want to accomplish, whatever it is your goal is, you have to be prepared to accept and work with the changes. If you're afraid of that, well, fear is fine, but if you let the fear stop you or you just don't [00:05:00] want to deal with it, that's fine too, but acknowledge it and then don't complain about the fact that you're still stuck in the job you hate.

[00:05:07] Sandy: You got to own it. 

[00:05:08] Shannon: Sometimes you just don't know how to move forward. You don't know what the next step needs to be. Maybe you're tired or distracted. And I would argue in those cases, just give it a little bit of time. If you're distracted, figure out what's going on in your life and take care of it, or find a way to refocus on something different.

[00:05:28] Shannon: But this is where coaching can really come in handy. If you don't know what the next step needs to be, you can see where you want to go, but you don't know how to get there, find a coach. 

[00:05:37] Sandy: Absolutely. That's what coaching is all about. Identifying where you are, where you want to go, and then creating action plans.

[00:05:43] Sandy: And you and your coach take that walk together. So you have a guide, you have a mentor, you have somebody to support you while you do it. 

[00:05:51] Shannon: And somebody to hold you accountable. 

[00:05:52] Sandy: Yeah. And it doesn't just have to be a professional coach. It can be a wise friend. It can be a supportive family member, [00:06:00] anybody that can support you in your changes.

[00:06:03] Sandy: Sometimes it's just overwhelming. 

[00:06:05] Shannon: You just need to break it down into smaller, more manageable steps. 

[00:06:09] Sandy: Yeah. And one step at a time is how it's done. You don't go from standing still to a hundred miles an hour in one leap. A lot of people think they're supposed to do that or that it's, they're failing or it's not working 

[00:06:22] Shannon: and 

[00:06:22] Sandy: it's a process.

[00:06:23] Sandy: If you want to make something happen, you get out of your own way and just take one step at a time. And sometimes you're afraid that you'll do what you want to do and it won't be perfect, that you'll be judged negatively by others because you're in the learning process. So it's not like you've been doing it for five years.

[00:06:41] Sandy: Who cares? But some people really care. 

[00:06:44] Shannon: That's why if you have a really important goal, keeping it to yourself for a long time can be really helpful because it removes that fear of people judging you. And it also helps you find your own motivation. If you're building a business in your garage, like Steve Jobs did, and nobody knows what [00:07:00] you're doing, then you're not risking anything.

[00:07:02] Sandy: And you find one or two really trusted people. to share and work with you as you do it. You don't have to be totally alone, but make sure they are trustworthy and going to be supportive, not critical. 

[00:07:13] Shannon: Yeah. I think a lot of the reason we stand in our own way just boils down to fear, fear of failing, fear of being judged, fear of the unknown, feeling uncomfortable.

[00:07:26] Sandy: Right. And those are all things you tell yourself. Fear is something you create. It doesn't just happen. If you can talk yourself into being afraid, you can talk yourself out of being afraid. 

[00:07:37] Shannon: And you have to learn how to take responsibility. Own it. If you're putting blame on other people or circumstances, you've given away your power, right?

[00:07:47] Shannon: You're not going to be able to move forward. Even if you make steps in that direction, you're not going to go all the way. You have to own this process. And that's scary too, because then ultimately you're responsible for it. 

[00:07:58] Sandy: Taking responsibility for [00:08:00] something and dealing with the change that comes with it is always scary because it's new.

[00:08:05] Sandy: If you let scary stop you, then you're always going to be your biggest obstacle. Sometimes old beliefs from the past, you know, if you had came from a family where they told you you were just dumb and you were never going to get anything done and you were incompetent, if you did not have the support and belief in you, from your family, that may get in your way.

[00:08:25] Sandy: If you hold on to those old beliefs, every time you start something, there's a old voice in your head that says, Oh, you'll never make it. You're going to fail. If you listen to that, it's going to stop you and get in your way. So you have to identify that, see where it came from. And if it's really true, because 99 percent of the time, it's not true.

[00:08:46] Sandy: The person who was giving you that message had their own issues and it wasn't about who you are at all. 

[00:08:53] Shannon: And one more bullet point, failing to plan I think is a biggie. This is something they talk about if you're trying to lose [00:09:00] weight, that if you don't make a plan at the beginning of the day about how you're going to deal with certain situations, if you're supposed to go to dinner with your work colleagues and you know you're going to some restaurant that has amazing bread and you know bread is your downfall.

[00:09:14] Shannon: If you don't figure out how you're going to approach that, chances are pretty good you're going to cave to the bread. 

[00:09:21] Sandy: Exactly, cave to the bread. 

[00:09:23] Shannon: You gotta think ahead and plan. We have this great quote from Cheryl Richardson who says, Self sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen.

[00:09:33] Shannon: And that's what happens when you don't plan. 

[00:09:35] Sandy: Yeah. Action plans. We talk about action plans all the time. They are so important because they outline all those little tiny small steps. You're not going to take the giant leap. You're going to take little tiny steps, choosing to not eat the bread, have a glass of water instead or something.

[00:09:53] Sandy: Every little choice makes the difference. If you don't make action plans, you just expect things [00:10:00] to unfold. You're never going to accomplish what you want to do. And the other thing is so many people blame others. They blame the circumstances. They blame other people. I would get that raised if I just had a different boss, because it's my boss's fault.

[00:10:14] Sandy: My boss hates me. That kind of thing where maybe not, that might not be the case. It's easier to blame other people and stay stuck where you are than it is to take responsibility and move ahead. 

[00:10:27] Shannon: And once you start identifying where your power is and owning it, then the obstacles evaporate. If you think that it's your boss's fault that you don't have a raise, Well, maybe that's because of the relationship you've cultivated with your boss.

[00:10:43] Shannon: Maybe work on being a better employee. Maybe if your boss is just unreasonable and doesn't like you, the second you accept that, it frees you up to look at other options. 

[00:10:54] Sandy: Right. 

[00:10:55] Shannon: Otherwise, you're just staring at a closed door. 

[00:10:57] Sandy: Exactly. Because you're taking [00:11:00] responsibility for making the change and making something happen instead of, like you said, staring at the door and going, Oh, well, I can't open it.

[00:11:08] Sandy: Well, go around it. Find another hall, you know. 

[00:11:11] Shannon: Find a window. 

[00:11:12] Sandy: A window. There's got to be a way. There's always a way. So have you known people who get in their own way? 

[00:11:18] Shannon: Oh yeah. I know one intimately. Her name would be me.

[00:11:26] Sandy: Do you want to share that? 

[00:11:29] Shannon: Well, usually I find that when something isn't working out in one part of my life, it's It's because I'm not taking care of most parts of my life. If I'm not taking care of my physical and emotional health, frequently I wind up outside of the flow state. We call it in the river, in the current, you know, if I'm outside of that, nothing is going well.

[00:11:53] Shannon: And if I'm inside of that, everything's going well. And I'm much more likely to be in the flow if [00:12:00] I'm taking care of me. 

[00:12:02] Sandy: Well, that's great. You know that. So if you find you're not in the flow, you probably have to step back and look at yourself and say, Oh, okay, what am I not doing? See, then you're taking responsibility for it and you're not being an obstacle to yourself anymore.

[00:12:15] Sandy: I think that's great. How 

[00:12:16] Shannon: about you? Uh, you just have it all together all the time. 

[00:12:20] Sandy: No, I really don't.

[00:12:24] Sandy: Yeah, there are things that I would probably like to do, but I'm kind of torn. Part of me wants to build my business and write more books and do all those things. And another part of me says, you know, Sandy, you've done all that and you're tired.

[00:12:41] Sandy: And so I'm not totally committed to doing those things. And you have to be totally committed to make it happen. And I'm okay with that at this point in my life. Well, it's like when we decided to do a podcast. We didn't know anything about doing a podcast. We just thought, hey, it would be really fun and it would maybe benefit some people.

[00:12:59] Sandy: Maybe they would [00:13:00] enjoy it. We didn't say, well, we don't know what to do. We figured out what kind of equipment we needed and what kind of platform we needed. And we went about researching and made it happen. And we could have blamed things. We could have said, Oh, we just don't know, we don't know anything.

[00:13:16] Sandy: We don't have a mentor. We're not real clear on what we're doing, you know, all that stuff. But we didn't, we committed to it and we made it happen. And I'm very proud of us for that. 

[00:13:25] Shannon: Well, things like that are so much easier now because all the information you need is at your fingertips, just comes down to how much do you want it?

[00:13:32] Shannon: How much are you willing to research? How much are you willing to reach out and ask for help if you need it? There isn't a whole lot to lose when it comes to something like this. That's, sort of a pie in the sky idea. With your comments about things you should be doing, we've talked about shoulds a lot in the podcast over the past couple of years, I have a feeling that if an idea became very clear to you, a topic for a book, that And you would find the energy and the [00:14:00] motivation to write it, but until something presents itself that lights your fire, why force it?

[00:14:05] Shannon: Which is what I hear you saying. 

[00:14:06] Sandy: Yeah. And you're right. Yeah. I think you and I both have figured out when we feel stuck, it's because we're making ourselves stuck. And if we want to get unstuck, we can figure it out. We have done it often. That goes for everybody. Robert Kiyosaki says, get out of your own way.

[00:14:24] Sandy: Often we're our own worst enemy when working towards our goals. So how 

[00:14:28] Shannon: do we get out of our own way? 

[00:14:29] Sandy: Well, first of all, you got to identify your thoughts or fears or actions and see what's getting in your way, and then look at the consequences of what you're doing of all those things and decide if you want to deal with what those consequences are.

[00:14:44] Sandy: Is it okay to let them stop you? 

[00:14:46] Shannon: Yeah, which is about basically agreeing to give away your power. 

[00:14:49] Sandy: Yes. If you let all those other things get in your way, you are giving away your power. And when you're offered a new reality, instead of assessing it with your old beliefs, you [00:15:00] got to be aware of your old beliefs.

[00:15:01] Sandy: Stay curious and check in with yourself. See if there's an opportunity for you to discover or grow or improve. In order to do that, you change your self talk from, I can't. to I can. 

[00:15:13] Shannon: A lot of this is about reframing. 

[00:15:15] Sandy: Always. That's what it all is. You got to be willing to take the risk. You got to be willing to make the commitment.

[00:15:21] Sandy: And then, hugely important, you have to be persistent. Once you create an action plan, be persistent. Like, you used the dieting example. So if you go to the restaurant and you eat the great bread, well, okay, so you eat the bread. You're not going to do it all day, every day. You did it once. So you go back on the diet the next day and you persist.

[00:15:41] Shannon: I think, and I'm just going to keep using bread as an analogy here, I think the moment we eat the bread is pivotal. The message you send to yourself after you It's the one that's going to decide how you move forward. So if you eat the bread and you go, God, I can't do this, like I ate a loaf, I ate a whole [00:16:00] loaf and now I've blown the whole week, I might as well just give up for the week now.

[00:16:04] Shannon: I'll go back to counting points or calories or whatever next week. And then you just devolve into gluttony. For the rest of the week. Cause you've already failed, you might as well just stay there. Or you could say, I ate the bread, and it was amazing. But, I don't really like the way I feel now. Yes, right.

[00:16:25] Shannon: About myself, about the choices I made, or physically. I feel pretty bloated. 

[00:16:30] Sandy: So I've learned the lesson. 

[00:16:32] Shannon: So I've learned the lesson, which means tomorrow, maybe I'll try having one piece of bread and see how I feel then. That's when the steps start appearing. But if you just throw in the towel because you failed, well, guess your journey's over.

[00:16:46] Sandy: Yeah, right. Along every journey, we stumble. and we take a wrong turn. And the important thing is to get back on the path 

[00:16:53] Shannon: and 

[00:16:54] Sandy: keep going. Don't let it stop you. You don't just sit down on a rock and say, I'm done. I need a two minute [00:17:00] rest. And then you get up again. 

[00:17:01] Shannon: And sometimes those moments can be pivotal in helping you redirect your path because the path you're on may not be the right one.

[00:17:11] Shannon: Starving yourself, you'll lose weight. You'll be miserable. 

[00:17:15] Sandy: You'll be sick. 

[00:17:16] Shannon: You'll be sick and you'll probably put it back on again. So if you can find a way to find a balance in the way you eat, well, then your path shifts. You'll get to your goal, but you'll be happier and you'll be healthier. Those moments give you huge opportunities for growth if you choose to see them and own them.

[00:17:35] Sandy: Right. And you have to reward yourself for the small steps. Appreciate who you are and what you're doing and that you're dealing with this particular thing, whatever it is. And understand that it takes time. It's a process. You don't get something all at once. It just does not happen. 

[00:17:52] Shannon: I know not everybody agrees with this, but I think it's important to keep a little running tally [00:18:00] of how your days go if you're working towards something, because otherwise the failures feel bigger, the successes sometimes go unnoticed, and the pattern is you.

[00:18:11] Shannon: Blurry. And if you can look back and say, Oh, when these things happen, this is how I react. Then you can learn and plan and redirect easier. 

[00:18:22] Sandy: That works for a lot of people. It's just, just keep track. I write stuff down on my calendar. I write action plan stuff on my calendar along with, my meetings and that kind of thing.

[00:18:31] Sandy: And it's just nice to go back and check them off. 

[00:18:34] Shannon: But do you track like at the end of the day, what happened, how it went, what you're going to do better next time? 

[00:18:40] Sandy: Yeah, I pay attention to that. If something worked, I'm, I don't write that down. That meeting was awesome, but I remember that meeting was awesome and why, and or that meeting didn't work.

[00:18:51] Sandy: What can I do differently next time? But I own the results. So I'm not getting in my own way and you always have to stay flexible and learn the [00:19:00] lessons, not expect instant success, instant gratification all the time. It's a process and you will grow if you allow yourself to and if you pay attention to what you're doing and what you're thinking.

[00:19:11] Shannon: Which is kind of the point, you know, you don't want to get to the end of any quest or goal and be the same person. 

[00:19:17] Sandy: Yeah, you can't be the same person or you haven't really done anything or accomplished anything. Nothing's changed. 

[00:19:23] Shannon: Which is part of why it's scary. 

[00:19:25] Sandy: Yes, that's why it's scary. But if you don't want to be your own obstacle, got to get out of your own way and seek support from other people, the trusted people, a coach or your mentor or your good friend or your trusted family member.

[00:19:38] Sandy: Somebody you know will be there for you and not be critical. They will be supportive. In the process, you got to take care of yourself, like you were saying, and maintain a sense of purpose. Remember that you can't control everything, but you can always control yourself. Just keep your goal in mind. Keep your eye on the ball.

[00:19:55] Sandy: Yeah, keep your eye on the ball, like with the bread. If you go back to that restaurant [00:20:00] again, be aware I'm going to be tempted, and I'm either going to give myself a break and go for it, and I'm just going to eat this freaking bread, or I'm going to not do what I did last time, because my purpose is to still lose weight.

[00:20:11] Sandy: You gotta be gentle with yourself, but you also have to keep the purpose and the end goal in mind. 

[00:20:17] Shannon: And the accountability. Like you can be gentle, but you also have to be honest and be able to own it when you know you let yourself fall off the wagon or whatever it is you did not achieve along the way.

[00:20:31] Shannon: You gotta be able to own that too. Like you can be gentle to the point of being your own worst enemy if you just let yourself off the hook. 

[00:20:38] Sandy: Yeah. And the bottom line is, if you're trying to achieve a goal or make something happen and it's not coming together, you can blame the situation or other people and stay stuck.

[00:20:48] Sandy: Or you can look honestly at yourself and identify your thoughts and feelings and fears and behaviors that are getting in your way, and then take responsibility for changing those things so you [00:21:00] can create action plans and move ahead to success. 

[00:21:04] Shannon: It's kind of fun when it all works. 

[00:21:05] Sandy: It is very fun and you get to be really proud of yourself and your inner child is proud of you and you're proud of your inner child because you have set your sights on something and made it happen and that's what it's all about.

[00:21:20] Sandy: Please identify if you are being your biggest obstacle and if you don't want to stay there, you have the power to do something about it. 

[00:21:28] Shannon: And then quit being your own biggest obstacle. Exactly. 

[00:21:30] Sandy: Exactly. 

[00:21:31] Shannon: Thanks, Mama. 

[00:21:32] Sandy: Thanks, Shannon, and thank you so much to our listeners for being with us for the past three years, and we are looking forward to another fun season.

[00:21:41] Sandy: We will have lots of new episodes, and hopefully you will let us know what you would like to hear. 

[00:21:47] Shannon: Yes, we love it when you tell us your stories about self esteem and personal power, and when you tell us what you'd like to talk about. going forward. That's really helpful. And as always, please feel free to review our podcast.

[00:21:58] Shannon: If you are inclined to do [00:22:00] so, you can do that wherever you stream, or you can just visit us at yourpersonalpowerpod. com and drop us an email there. You can also visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel and share that with the people in your life so that they can join in on the fun and the conversation.

[00:22:14] Shannon: And if you want to learn about coaching and how it can change your life, Please contact Sandy at Sandy at insidejobscoach. com. We look forward to hearing from you like we always do. And until next time, find your power and change your [00:23:00] life.