Ever found yourself indulging in a slice of cake while grappling with the emotional weight of health and body image struggles? We kick off this heartfelt episode by sharing our candid experiences with weight management, the mental toll of health issues, and the surprising comforts that help us cope. From attending a medical weight management program to dealing with plantar fasciitis, we reflect on the moments that made us realize how things have spiraled out of control. And through it all, we emphasize the importance of reaching out to friends and resisting the urge to shut people out when depression hits.
Navigating the path to self-love and personal improvement is no easy feat, especially when burdened with emotional baggage. We discuss the therapeutic value of opening up and the benefits of seeking mental health support, including medication when necessary. The episode dives into the conflicting emotions of weight loss journeys and body positivity, underscoring the frustration of societal pressures. We stress the significance of self-love and the small victories that keep us motivated, even when the scale doesn’t reflect our hard work.
Societal expectations heavily influence our perception of weight and body image, often leading to lifelong frustration. In this episode, we share our personal stories about facing societal judgments, the unfair comparisons with others, and the constant pressure to meet an undefined ideal. Maintaining authentic friendships and prioritizing self-care emerge as crucial themes, as we recount experiences of battling depression while pretending to be okay. Ending on a lighter note, we celebrate the little joys, from nostalgic drinks to heartwarming moments, reminding ourselves and our listeners of the value of supportive networks and staying positive.
Do you have a story you would like to share? Send it to us at theweightingroompc@gmail.com
Disclaimer: We are not Medical professionals and all views and opinions are our own.
Ever found yourself indulging in a slice of cake while grappling with the emotional weight of health and body image struggles? We kick off this heartfelt episode by sharing our candid experiences with weight management, the mental toll of health issues, and the surprising comforts that help us cope. From attending a medical weight management program to dealing with plantar fasciitis, we reflect on the moments that made us realize how things have spiraled out of control. And through it all, we emphasize the importance of reaching out to friends and resisting the urge to shut people out when depression hits.
Navigating the path to self-love and personal improvement is no easy feat, especially when burdened with emotional baggage. We discuss the therapeutic value of opening up and the benefits of seeking mental health support, including medication when necessary. The episode dives into the conflicting emotions of weight loss journeys and body positivity, underscoring the frustration of societal pressures. We stress the significance of self-love and the small victories that keep us motivated, even when the scale doesn’t reflect our hard work.
Societal expectations heavily influence our perception of weight and body image, often leading to lifelong frustration. In this episode, we share our personal stories about facing societal judgments, the unfair comparisons with others, and the constant pressure to meet an undefined ideal. Maintaining authentic friendships and prioritizing self-care emerge as crucial themes, as we recount experiences of battling depression while pretending to be okay. Ending on a lighter note, we celebrate the little joys, from nostalgic drinks to heartwarming moments, reminding ourselves and our listeners of the value of supportive networks and staying positive.
Do you have a story you would like to share? Send it to us at theweightingroompc@gmail.com
Disclaimer: We are not Medical professionals and all views and opinions are our own.
we're recording, yeah, hi oh hi, I mean hey, I was just recording a tiktok because I was literally just bitching to you earlier, like how long ago, about the whole I'm still fat situation. And now here we are probably about to bitch about the fact that we're still fat situation, but I'm still eating cake right now as we're about to record.
Speaker 1:It's so good actually, that tiktok I recorded a week ago. It's funny to talk about tiktok because the last time I actually posted on it was May 27th and it is June 17th and I didn't even plan for that. It just kind of happened and I don't know. I have no desire to really go back right now, but I do like I really want to make videos, but I just um, I guess to give everyone a quick synopsis. I am really feeling it right now. I'm not gonna get too deep into it because this is not fat girl therapy today, but just to give everyone a very quick synopsis. Do you want a therapy? We can therapy. No, I don't really want a therapy today, like there's just too much on my mind.
Speaker 2:I went to the medical weight management program today like I'm laughing because like if there's a lot on your mind, like maybe you should unload, or like no, yeah, it's too much.
Speaker 1:I think what I mean is that like I just need to like go over it in my head first and figure out what I want to do, because, like, when I come on here and I feel lost, I'm really just bullshitting. And then like I well, not all the time, but I feel like I'm like, oh, my god, I'm gonna make a plan and like, oh, this feels so new and so great. And then I'm like I right, when I sign off, it's nothing. So I just want to sort things out on the back end right now. Maybe within the week I'll be able to do it, but anyway, I had a meeting with medical weight management today and there's a lot of things with that.
Speaker 1:And then I had blood work and I'm off work again and I have plantar fasciitis and there's possibly a bone spur and I am it's. The plantar fasciitis is so bad I can barely even walk at all anymore and, uh, I'm super depressed and I actually said that I cried twice in my medical weight management uh thing today and I one of them. I was crying because she read back everything I said that was wrong with me and I because she it's a nurse. And then they bring the doctor in and when she read it all back to me, I just burst out crying and then I said to them I'm like, I'm sorry, just hearing it all back, I go what the hell? Like, how did I get here in my life?
Speaker 1:So, anyway, dealing with that, and I'm having a bad relationship and friendship with being fat right now, and I don't like that, you know, and it's like because I really didn't have a problem being fat right now, and I don't like that, you know, and it's like cause I really didn't have a problem with being fat. I'm just unhappy with the way that my body is going right now, based on the unhealthy decisions that I have made for it, and I just have to make peace with the fact that I did that, like I did, like this is happening right now and I did this and um, it's just about getting onto the horse, you know, and staying on the horse and learning how to ride. So maybe I should learn how to ride before getting on the horse. But I made this cake taste so bad.
Speaker 2:Oh no, I'm sorry, I had like four bites left and you're like how did I get here? Like well, I think I'm on that path, as I'm like, literally like three hours ago, I'm like saying to chris like I'm just so sick of it all, let's talk about being fat while I get cake. That makes me feel great um what does your? Cup say um, it's got tom nook.
Speaker 1:And it says bitch, better have my bells I love that in one of my alaska mugs it. I was so confused because in alaska on the souvenirs you're gonna see since 1959 and then you're also gonna see ones from like 18 something. I was like okay, so when was it established then? Because you have two different dates on all your stuff and that was when it was. 1959 is when they were accepted into the usa. I think right and then the other one is when someone thought they found it uh look, I found this place.
Speaker 2:No, we're here. No, I found it, findersers, and that's the history of everywhere.
Speaker 1:Seriously, yeah. So anyway, we'll go more into fat girl therapy when it comes up, but I I am trying to turn things around, because one thing I do when I'm super depressed is I shut people out like really badly, really badly. Um, and I reached out to someone today to go have lunch. So I think that's a good first step, because this person they know that I'm talking about them right now.
Speaker 2:They're listening to this, but they reached out to me so much.
Speaker 1:Person who I also know is that person and I just always felt so bad, you know, like not any. Anyway, the whole point is that, like I think things are turning around for the fact that I reached out to them today, so I think that's that's a good sign. So yay for me, and I know you're like going through a lot too.
Speaker 1:Oh god, this should have just been fat girl therapy shouldn't have um, yeah, that's all I have to say about that like, honestly, with what we're talking, with what lisa and I were even talking about through text which also I think that we should probably talk to each other through text before talking on this, just because I left her a very lengthy voice note. Um, we can just screen record the voice note and you add it in wait, the one that you sent me and then the one that I sent you?
Speaker 2:yeah, no man, because when I don't know the one you sent you, or you said you said you mother fuck. Oh my god um, you, uh. No, because I just kept repeating myself, like I do that when I'm trying to get a point through and I know, but it wasn't just repeating yourself, Like it was like okay, well, now you have to put it in because nobody knows what the fuck we're talking about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, maybe, maybe we'll just take this out, you know, what. Just to give everyone a synopsis it was Lisa, upset about the way that things are going and me trying to be like bitch. You don't even realize how far you've come.
Speaker 2:That's yeah, that's actually the gist of it, that yeah, all the same, you know what it is. Okay, fuck, let's just fucking. Let's just talk about our problems. We want to talk about our problems. We could talk we were going to talk about am I the asshole? But we all know a lot of them are the asshole. So let's just move on and just therapize therapies. They're uh pies.
Speaker 1:I think I'm still gonna process a bit of what I've been going through because, like, I don't even know if I really want to talk about some of it, but yeah, but you know what, let's talk a little bit about what you were talking about, because but I mean you, you're editing, so if you say something that you don't want, just take it out no, for sure, but it's a bit like of what we're both kind of going through.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I just what I think. So with lisa, with lisa's problem, uh oh god, this really does feel like therapy.
Speaker 2:Now, the way that I approached lisa's issues is um so uh, yeah I can't tell you how to solve your problem, but what I really think you should do a, b and c, and that's how you'll be happy I'm not making fun of therapy.
Speaker 1:therapy is a great thing, like if, if you therapy is a great thing, but but you know it's fat girl therapy, so it's just On the note of therapy, I actually did say that to them that I haven't seen my counselor in for a while now and like months. But I said I really want to see a psychologist, a psychiatrist. I'm like I'm sorry I always get them mixed up, I'm like, but I want to see someone that I know can prescribe me something if I need it, Because like hell, I want to go through all my stories and stuff twice, Like I don't want to talk to this woman that can't properly diagnose me or medicate me if I need it.
Speaker 1:And I have to say everything to someone else again, like, oh my God, like I've done that before and I'm just like I don't want to keep telling people stuff, yeah, and I'm just like I don't want to keep telling people stuff, yeah, I'm like I'll give you my TikTok handle. I pretty much say everything on there. You just have three years to watch. More than that. Now Buckle up.
Speaker 2:It's a whole thing, yeah, which is another thought I've had is to delete all my past TikToks I didn't know which direction that was going.
Speaker 1:I had no idea, no idea. I had no idea, no idea to need to like do a reset and just stop here and not erase, but just move all that stuff from before today into a folder and go. That was before and from today on it's my after. Yeah, I get that. I just have to get to that place where I'm okay with doing the after and I'm not gonna fall back into the before.
Speaker 2:I had that with my Instagram back in 2018 when I was 2017, 2018 when I was doing the keto and all that and I was posting on Instagram. But then, after I got back into it again this time, I cleared out my Instagram, like before I was on TikTok. I cleared out my Instagram and, like, did a system refresh in my head and like did a system refresh in my head?
Speaker 1:so, since we were talking about it, um, I mean, how did you feel about my voice note? So everyone out there, I just sent Lisa a voice note that I was kind of worried about, because I was telling her like she was like please don't hate me, I'm gonna come off harsh.
Speaker 2:And then she gets into it and she's like please don't hate me. And then I got into this thing with work and I wasn't able to reply at that time and I was like I really I need to send her like a quick note so that she knows I'm not mad at her at all for what she said it's so funny because before that I told myself if Lisa does not respond right away, it's a work day.
Speaker 2:She's not. Yeah, that was exactly, yeah, that was exactly it. So, yeah, I've, man, I don't even know, like that's just the thing, like I don't even know. It's like I made a tick tock, like two weeks ago, maybe three weeks ago now, saying how, like I'm just, I'm so, I'm so fed up with it, I'm so fed up with weight loss. And it has nothing to do with like the media telling you that you need to look a certain way or like well, maybe it's a little bit that, but like it's, you have in your head of this goal, of what you want and what, where you want to be, and things just aren't going that way. And it's just, I'm at a point where it's like it's been five fucking years and it's like to your point, what you were saying in the note, like it's how do I explain this? Um, yes, it's going in that direction and you were noting like a hundred pounds, but then, like I didn't make it to a hundred pounds and even still, when I was close to losing that hundred pounds for for a good chunk of the year last year I was sick, and it's just like now I've gained that weight back. I don't, I don't want to step up and step on the scale again, because I know it's just going to be like three, 40. Like the numbers are going up and I know I'm seeing changes in my body, but it's literally just that fucking scale that's just like in my head, making me feel like I'm not achieving what I want to achieve, because I do not want to be 300 pounds anymore, like I don't, like I, I just my entire time that, like for five years. It's like I just want to hit that 200 pound mark.
Speaker 2:And it's like the one year everything was going great and things were starting to go down. Oh, and then I found body positivity and I started focusing more on how I feel in my body and how good my body feels and blah, blah, blah, until a little while later I realized I didn't really feel good in my body. I loved myself and I love my body, but I'm going to continue losing weight because I love myself and I know the level of obesity that I'm in isn't healthy and how I got there isn't healthy. So I knew I needed to focus on weight loss. So then I snapped back at it and then I started losing weight again and everything was good again. And then I got pregnant and you can't focus on weight loss anymore. And then I'm losing weight again and everything's good again. And now I'm sick. And now all of a sudden, in this, weight loss is falling off of me because I'm fucking afraid to eat anything, afraid to eat anything, afraid to eat fat, because I didn't want to trigger a gallbladder attack, that my gallbladder gets removed. I was three pounds away from hitting that a hundred pounds loss and I start eating normally again and my weight just goes back up. And you step on the scale and it's like okay, now you're in the three thirties.
Speaker 2:And then the start of this year, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to focus on weight loss, yeah, I'm going to focus on going to the gym, and then it's just sitting there. It's either sitting there or creeping up, like that's not going down and went down for like a month, and then that all went back up. It's not going down and went down for like a month and then that all went back up. Like it's just, it keeps staying there. And it's so fucking frustrating because it's been five years of this. You want to love yourself, you just want to get into that 200 pound mark. Like it's not even, like I'm at like there are people who have had weight loss surgery at like 250 pounds, and it's like I don't even want that. You know what I mean. Like I don't want to get to 150 pounds, I don't want to get to 175. Like I don't want that, I just want to get into the 200s, because I've been big my entire life and my entire adult life I've been in the 300 pounds. And it's like I'm just so tired.
Speaker 2:And the thing is it's like you're going to the gym and you think you're doing everything right at the gym and then you're counting your calories at home. But you also have to focus on the important stuff at work. And then you also have to focus on the important stuff of being a wife, the important stuff of being a mom. Make sure you have time for yourself. There's not enough time for all of it in a day.
Speaker 2:And then in my head it's like the other thing that I'm really struggling with is like in the mornings I'll have a smoothie and then I'm like I don't really need anything else with it because like that's enough calories and that should fill you, but I want to eat something with it. So now I'm having more calories with it, or I won't eat anything with it. Then by the time it's lunchtime, I am so hungry, so then I eat something. But then the afternoon it's like you've started eating. Now you don't want to stop eating. Like as soon as I start eating, I don't want to stop every single time, and it's been like two weeks of that, which is why I'm like I don't want to step on the scale, because I've been doing nothing but eating for two weeks and for part of that I wasn't going to the gym because Brandon was on a fishing trip, so I had to be with Harper and I didn't have the time to or energy to put it towards myself and my health because of Harper. And now I'm just down this huge rut.
Speaker 2:Yesterday I like cleaned my entire house and planned on going to the gym this morning, but was just too sore from all the cleaning. Like I'm talking, I did like three hours of like deep clean, scrub my stove, mop the floors, like deep cleaning. For three hours. I was sweating afterwards and it's just like I say it, I'm done with it. I'm sick of putting in all this work and and so my body is just like okay, then fuck it. Like let's just eat this cake Like who cares anymore. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, um, I basically posted two weeks ago on Tik TOK saying how I'm just so fucking done with it and you feel like nobody listens to you with the food addiction side of things and all of that. A lot of people in the comments were saying they felt this way and they didn't stop feeling this way until they went and actually got help, many from different medications. So I have taken the steps to go towards a weight loss program. On Friday yeah, friday this past Friday I went in for my first appointment. It was a consultation found out different medications. Found out different like what the procedures not the procedure, but what the process is going to be. And yeah, I go for blood work this week.
Speaker 2:I'm basically being tested for everything under the sun because every time I went to a doctor saying I want to lose weight and I need help, the first time that happened was well, you just need to eat less and you need to be careful with what you're eating. The second time was well, you should just do keto. Um, you can eat as much as you want, as long as it's keto. And now the third one, my doctor said I want to refer you to an actual weight loss specialist. So that's what the clinic that I'm with and, yeah, I start that program next Monday.
Speaker 1:It's awesome.
Speaker 2:So cause I just yeah, tiktok is a great support team, you guys are a great support team, but it's just. I feel like I needed more at this point.
Speaker 1:For sure. Like, honestly, I've even been reading articles about people saying, like how things have changed for them once they got a personal trainer. And I remember, like when you had that personal trainer, like you had a spark and like, but it's an expensive thing to keep up with and it's just like, okay, sorry, I, I'm my my brain's too full right now because I had so many things from you talking that I wanted to point out and I'm just gonna get right into it. Um, I feel sometimes like the stuff that we know we're not applying you and I talk about this stuff all the time but like what in?
Speaker 1:I know that that can be in so many different contexts, but the specific context I'm talking about is that it's like two things can be true at once the body positivity and losing weight. And like you and I I'm just using you and I because I know about us and we're stuck in the cycle that, unfortunately, I feel sometimes that we're referring to body positivity from the toxic people's way of body positivity, the ones that made us feel like complete crap in the name of body positivity for so long. And so it's just like we can be happy with ourselves and I know what you're saying that you're not happy with yourself and everything that's fine. And you can be unhappy with the way that you got there and that the things that you're incapable of doing, but grieve it and move on and like because all you and I'm I shouldn't even be saying this because like I'm not living it but it's like, do as I say, don't do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly Like grieve it and move on. Because it's just like you feel like you're stuck right now at a certain weight but you have been giving her at the gym in the strength training, so you're pretty much gaining muscle and losing fat. So when you say that you're not at a hundred pounds loss, you don't know that, because about 100 pounds of fat loss you've definitely been gaining muscle. I have seen a difference. And just because you haven't been at the gym for as long as you have not been at the gym right now doesn't mean crap. It doesn't mean a goddamn thing. Because, like, you have been doing great and you're just going to get back on that horse because you love it. It's not like you're off the horse and you're dreading it because it's just like you hate it. It's not like yeah 2023 cardio for lisa.
Speaker 1:Um, so you're gonna go back to it. It's just right. Now is not the right time. You're prioritizing more important things.
Speaker 1:But, like you have come so far, me I've, like I just I put on almost all the weight back and like I just look at it more in a like I'm going to give up because, like I just can't keep going down the cycle anymore. You're just not seeing it fast enough and it's pissing you off. But you have to remember all the people that you're surrounded by that are taking it off so fast. You don't know if they have money because you don't like. There's people that I have been mutuals with for a while and a couple of them like, oh, like you have money, money like I had no idea, like, wow, good job, hiding it, and so it's like you know you would have no idea. Like they could have like the greatest food plans or whatever on the outside. They could be paying physical trainers and you know that's what they're calling personal, whatever their personal trainers, and we don't know that.
Speaker 1:So, like the people that have had surgery, there are people on there that have had surgery and don't tell anyone which is their right. Do whatever you want. So it's the comparison game, and I feel like that is a big part of being on social media, where, even if you're consciously being like, no, I'm not going to compare myself, like I've said, I'm not going to compare myself to you. And how many times have I compared myself to you, lisa? So it's just, it's an evil thing that you have to be conscious of and working against constantly, because it is there Like that is a huge thing with social media and we have to not do that.
Speaker 2:I feel like honestly if I'm being completely honest it doesn't feel like it's a comparison thing. Yeah, are you good? It's just the way that you said that honestly, if I'm gonna be honest, well, because I was just trying to process what I do the same thing like I always do stuff like that I don't know why I just hearing it back in my head made me laugh even harder while I was taking a swig of coffee.
Speaker 2:Oh sorry um, I don't think it's the comparison to other people. I really don't. I think it's like in my head, my entire, like literally my entire life. I'm told by doctors and everything that it's like you need to lose weight, you need to watch your weight, like it's not just doctors, it's family, it's the people around you, like before socially looking at them and comparing yourself. I don't think you're doing that, I just mean like.
Speaker 1:There's people that have started this journey with us, that have been at their goal now for at least a year, and it's just like, but I'm not even.
Speaker 2:I'm not even like on TikTok anymore or really using Instagram. You know what I mean. Like I'm not even, I'm not really browsing anymore. I, I just I don't really have the time to be honest, but I just think about in the past how it's well, you need to lose weight, you need to lose weight, and nobody really ever told me like what the weight should be. You know what I mean. Like 20 years ago, no, 10 years ago, let's say, if I said to somebody like I want to lose 100 pounds, at that point I would be like 170 pounds. You know what I mean? Yeah, so it's well, I guess it'd be closer to like 100. I don't know, I, I don't know the whole numbers of everything. I guess I'd be like 199, 200 kind of thing, because I was in the 300s by the time I was 18. So and people say, like you need to lose weight, you need to lose weight, and it's like nobody tells you what that weight should be. And I've been at, I've been at 405 pounds, I've seen 405 pounds on the scale and it's just.
Speaker 2:It feels like everything just isn't fair. Like you have like a friend who's like oh, I can eat pizza and they can eat pizza without thinking about it. They could eat a whole pizza and still be skinny. And it's just like that's a flex for them. You know what I mean. Like look at this, I can eat all this. And then you have guys who think that's a flex for them. You know what I mean. Like look at this, I can eat all this.
Speaker 2:And then you have guys who think that's so attractive because, like, here's this girl who can stay thin and just eat a burger, eat whatever they want. Like I think back to that movie, a cinderella story, and hillary duff and what's his tits? He's like, would you rather a cheeseburger or a salad? And she's like a cheeseburger what does it matter? And she's like a cheeseburger what does it matter? And he's like, oh well, I like a girl with an appetite, but like, of course you fucking do. She's dressed as fucking Cinderella and is skinny and blonde.
Speaker 2:Like you know what I mean? Like it's just it's so frustrating that, like there's people around you that can just eat whatever or do whatever and it doesn't even affect them. They're not thinking about the meals, they're not thinking about what they're going to look like, they're not thinking about if they're going to be bloated, but it's like I don't have that and it's so frustrating that I don't have that. And I grew up being told well, it's just this easy. Well, it's just this easy, but it's not that easy, you know. And it's now. I've seen that high of a number on the scale and it's been so long of so much work that you just want to see this other number and it's just, you feel like it's just never going to happen. So it's like what's what's the point if it's never going to happen?
Speaker 1:because I don't know how to say it. But honestly, lisa, like, even with the, I'm not. You said I'm not comparing, and then, like in this you had a comparison to skinny people or to average size people, whatever, and it's like no matter what in our lives we are going to be constantly comparing, whether it's consciously or not, because it's even in the question of why does it have to be so hard for us? That's the comparison, and it's so hard to grasp because I still do it, even though I know how hard it was for my 96 pound friend to gain weight and even though in my head I was like, yeah, cool bro, but it's really different when all the guys want you and they're disgusted by me. But then it's just like wait, why am I making the comparison about men? Like, why am I making the comparison about people that will have a sexual attraction to them? She's so unhappy with herself, so maybe she is attracting the wrong kind of people too. Because she's so unhappy with, like, being as thin as she is, because she gets all the comments of you know, we'll get the comments of oh, go to jenny craig. And she gets the comments of oh yeah, another anorexic bitch, you know, and she said you have to like what I made. I told you guys a story once before and it's just like I. It wasn't until she said that to me that it really woke me up where I'm like oh, we all have these different issues, eh, but for us it feels like so much more because we are living it, but it's it's not any like. Honestly, it's not our problem and it's not our fault. We feel this way. It is society's fucking fault. It is the way that the world has become. Because, like, why does it matter that I'm fat to everyone else? Like, why does Joe or Susan or anyone care that I'm fat? Why are we even talking about it? Because you think that you have to have an opinion about my weight? You think because I'm not what you want to be like.
Speaker 1:Look at that new term on TikTok, which is another reason that I am not running back anytime soon is big back. People keep using the frames phrase big back and like there's. I've seen it in comment sessions where people are arguing what it means. Then people are saying like well, no, it means this mean thing. And people like, no, it means this. And then in older generations they think big back means something else and it's very confusing.
Speaker 1:But after looking it up, it's like people are making big back salads and refers to give the gives big mac, and I'm like that's not big mac salad, um, but like there was even a tiktok I came across. It's like let's see what, what kind of a big back you are, and it was like a picture of food and then there was the dot so I went to scroll and then it was going to nothing, like his account. I was like what the hell? And it was like, once I went to the commons it's like, oh man, I tried to scroll four times, I'm such a big back. And I was like, oh, I'm like no man, I just want to see what kind of food there was. But like I get that.
Speaker 1:Um, not the big back thing, it's just constantly there's a video of someone explaining it, where they're like you know, like it just means like what, I don't want to be like. I don't want to be a big back. So it's not an insult to you or whatever the way that they came up with it, but it's like dude, just because you say that doesn't mean other people aren't going to use it as an insult, and now it's just another way so that the algorithms don't hear you saying the word fat, and it's so annoying, it's like why do you have to come up with these names? Why do you even have to refer to it as something like fucking call it a high calorie salad what is the?
Speaker 1:problem. Someone did a big back nugget salad. Call it a nugget salad. Like what is the problem here? Yeah, it's just frustrating. So it's like we feel this way because of society and how society has made us feel, and like all these new terms that come out to like try and destroy us. There's no new terms for someone of an average weight, you know. Yeah, Our feelings are extremely valid. But I think it's listening to us. I think it's good that the people that are on here doing therapy go and get some therapy or some help. Like I'm actually searching for therapy right now and both of us are now part of a weight clinic. Again, not something like weight watchers. Let's just be clear about that. I know we talked about that. No, this is medical professionals.
Speaker 2:I I'm seeing a doctor and a nurse, and there's also a psychiatrist on scene as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like the people. Uh, my clinic is known for it it's an obesity clinic. The neat thing is, though, is it's it's interesting to see the comparisons, because Lisa, they, she pays for that out there, whereas it's covered in our province.
Speaker 1:so I decided to get a referral from my doctor went through. So my appointment today was with a nurse and then I talked to the doctor and then they never, they just don't, they don't really say like, they just ask me oh, do you know what your weight is at right now? Because it's virtual, so it's like or else I'd go on a scale there. But, um, I say, can you hear the noise of my microphone because I'm starting to fidget. No, um, sorry, uh, there's just so many things I don't want to talk about right now so I'll just cut it short. But like I just think that us being part of these clinics are really good right now and I think it's what we need and it might help us refocus and know where we want to go.
Speaker 1:And honestly, lisa, like I really I'm gonna say it again, you've already heard it twice so far but like it is so noticeable from my perspective of what you've done over the years and like you're not in the 400s, you're in the 300s. You've done a lot and it's going to keep happening and whether, whether you're carrying the weight or not, you're leading a healthier life, I, yet the carrying the weight sucks. Let's just say yeah, it sucks. It sucks, also for the bariatric people that are carrying around on the loose skin. It's just like a part of what happens. But if you're going gonna treat your body nicely and that means you can still have a big mac day.
Speaker 2:You can still have some nachos big mac day, so like breakfast, lunch, all day all day, maybe not all day but you know I get so sick of big macs by like midnight snack time you have to have like, even have that, oh my god, I can't talk.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna say like little nugget, big macs, oh my god that actually tastes so nice like sliders, big mac sliders.
Speaker 2:Okay, this is the shit that we're fucking talking about um, yeah, uh.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, we have currently with this. We have a lot of work to do, clearly, and I think that this is probably the way that the podcast is going to go for fat girl therapy. It's going to be lisa and I trying to figure shit out for a little bit and maybe coming up with new plans. Yeah Well, I'm definitely going to have a new plan. Yeah, yeah, I really I hope you do.
Speaker 1:I will say, it is actually really hard for me to find a plan right now, while it's really hard to walk and it's hard for me to put a smile on my face. I actually had one of my co-workers over here a few days ago and I'm like yeah, I'm pretty depressed. He's like, yeah, I can tell. And I'm like what do you? What do you mean? Because, also, like I'm normally depressed, but I put a smile on my face you know, it's not that noticeable.
Speaker 1:He's like, yeah, I can tell. And I'm like are you trying to tell me I look like shit? And he's like, yeah, and I'm like, oh, okay. So I actually then purposely tried smiling way more because I'm like no, I'm fine. And I realized in that moment I'm like I just have to be okay with not being okay, because it's like forcing myself to smile took out all my energy, and I even said to Rams, once he left, I'm like, oh my god, I'm so glad he's gone, even though I wasn't. I was so happy to see him, but it's just like I don't know. I'm going through a lot right now.
Speaker 2:I get that it's draining. Yeah, I have surrounded myself with friends that I can be depressed around, you know. You know what I mean. Like I I don't have to pretend that I'm happy, even at work. Honestly, like RBF comes on hard, like if I'm having a bad day, I'm having a bad day and I'm not. I've stopped people. I people please to a point. But like ever since some shit went down with some family, it's like I don't people please anymore because it's like what's the point? So feel the way that you want to feel.
Speaker 2:In my opinion, I, yeah, even with my friends, I'm really thankful that I have a group of friends that with any of them, it's like you want to hang out and I can be fully honest and just say, honestly, I'm not feeling well. Like I'm really depressed right now. I don't feel like doing anything, I just want to curl up in a ball and then they'll just like be there for you or send you funny videos or like, but they're not going to invade on your space. You know what I mean. So I'm uh, I yeah, I'm really grateful for the friends that I have and that I can actually be open with my feelings with them. I never feel like I have to hide anything, like I never have to be like oh sorry, I like I I feel sick or Harper's not doing well or whatever, like it's always just this, is it yeah, I wish I had like a core, a good core group of friends again.
Speaker 1:I don't really have that. And I really noticed that on my birthday, rims, um, surprised me with like a little get together and then I was just like, oh, these are like, they're like people from like my past past, like you know, like I, I still appreciate them, I really love them. Rams has become friends with some of them, but it's just like it made me realize how I and also all my friends are very separated. He reached out to the bride from last year and she's like I don't really know who her friends are and I'm like, yeah, well, like what Lisa's in Ontario? I'm like there's, there are people, but then Rams doesn't know who any of them are because none of them are tied to each other.
Speaker 1:But I did realize in the last month as well that I got really tired of my friendships because I was always like trying to be the glue and like always was the one to like reach out and I really cared about other people. And then, when push comes to shove, I just don't feel that people ever really cared about me. So I think that I really started putting up a barrier, because I hope it doesn't sound egotistical, but my entire life I've always put everyone in front of me and it's it just kind of got toistical, but my entire life I've always put everyone in front of me and it's it just kind of got to the point where I'm tired and I've had enough and I want to be put first sometimes. And I think it also has to do with, like, the friends that I've chosen throughout my life. And, for example, the one friend hi, I know you're listening she reached out to me quite a bit and then kept just like not dismissing. But I was just like you know, I'm not in the right space right now, I can't do this, but like she didn't really let up and then it just even though, like it made me so sad that I couldn't do anything and made me realize, like holy crap, like someone cares about me and it's.
Speaker 1:It's also really weird feeling to have because, honestly, like I just maybe it did happen in my life, but I don't, nothing is significant enough to remember that. Like I don't remember people reaching out to me. I was just always the one doing the reaching out and it feels nice and it's, but it's hard. I'm sorry. I'm trying to get my words out, but it's just like hard because I keep trying to keep my guard up Because I'm sorry. I'm trying to get my words out but it's just like hard because I keep trying to keep my guard up because I'm just like so sick of going through friends and like getting hurt or whatever, and it's just it's like too much and I'm 40 and I don't want to live that life anymore.
Speaker 1:But I realized that I pushed people to the side for so long that I don't really have anyone anymore. You know, yeah and uh, like I'm not saying that other people are the problem, like I am a part to blame in and as well, and I also don't have a healthy balance and in stuff. But it's just really I don't know. There's just a lot going on. That's why I see this is why I didn't really want to, because I feel like I'm confusing people at home, like I'm just rambling about random shit right now, and it's because I don't have my thoughts together. I don't have what's really bothering me down, just a lot of random shit that's bothering me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. I get that. Okay, I'm going to do a thing Close your eyes, take a deep breath in and then let it out, and then do that two more times. Okay, trust me, you're editing. So, okay, do that two more times I did no, it doesn't count, you were laughing, okay. What is the one thing that is still on your mind?
Speaker 1:really random though bananas.
Speaker 2:I know that I just kept thinking about bananas before because literally I was gonna say, the thing that is left in your mind at this point is the most important thing that you need to tackle. So obviously you should put bananas on your grocery list.
Speaker 1:I have them. I got them yesterday. Honestly, everything is kind of bugging me right now.
Speaker 2:But whatever, you know what.
Speaker 1:Things are looking up, but I'm not doing anything to help it right now. Oh, I do get an injection in the bottom of my foot on wednesday it is oh man, that shit is bananas. See any more millennial you are millennial yes, I am, that's why I said we, I know, I, just I can't. What year did gen?
Speaker 2:z start. Gen z started in 98, and I only know that actually it might have been 97. Um, anyways, it was one or the other, because my brother was born in 98, so he's technically a gen z an elder, so he'll get both the references.
Speaker 1:There's like help me, elder, millennial. It's like I sometimes more, I feel a lot of times more gen are you?
Speaker 2:saying words like I know I know that was a lot of jumbling I was like was that me or you?
Speaker 1:I can't wait to listen to this back and edit it. I woke up 10 minutes before we started recording everyone and I thought I was reading things that were given to me, Not given to me. I looked them up but like I thought I was going to just read stuff off of the screen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true. If we wrap up, we could still do that real quick, and then we've got the two episodes in the bag. Let's do that, okay. You want to? Two episodes in the bag? Let's do that, okay. You wanna? You wanna listen, bitch? I was not prepared. Oh my god, I feel like we haven't done this in so long this better be a good one we did a lot of venting here.
Speaker 2:Your head is all bananas and my head is. You know I spoke about it. I think we need like, uh, we also need a reminder for water. For the love of god, if you are listening to this message on one of our videos, give us a notification that says water, because it is going to be 45 degrees here, that's 113 in fahrenheit um this week. So remind us to stay hydrated.
Speaker 1:You just said, um, that you don't feel like we've done this in a while and we haven't recorded since around like march or uh, march, may, what month are we in? I was like, what year are we in? Oh my god, I'm too tired.
Speaker 2:Uh, may, end of may 17th now, so okay so two weeks, yeah, but we've kept in tabs with each other. It's just as you can tell we've been going through some shit. Yeah, okay, chris, say a color. We got pink, black or white or brown pink, okay. So we're going with the top one. Top one says listen, bitch, blurt out your ideas or hold them back and see what doesn't happen well, that kind of worked conveniently, all right.
Speaker 2:Uh, let's not make goals, no because, honestly, I'm not, I'm not no, like the goal isn't even like a set just drink some water so we don't die, basically I will end on something positive is that I am trying to focus on my food.
Speaker 1:Like as of it's the beginning of the week, it's Monday. The only thing I can control right now is my food, so that is my focus, that I'm going to try to work on.
Speaker 2:Let's not do a try positive, like I'm going to try to do this. Okay, but what's a positive? That has actually happened. This is a pretty heavy episode, so let's go positive. One that has actually happened. This is a pretty heavy episode, so let's go positive.
Speaker 1:One positive that has happened. Yeah, I didn't die when the clock struck midnight on my 40th birthday. That's good. Ram's got me a Kindle, and it's something I've wanted for over eight years, so I'm happy about that.
Speaker 1:Yay, now you can read those books. Like I say, I've wanted it for eight years but it's not been a top priority. Um, my old one broke and it was right when I was in the middle of reading this book and it knew it still remembers what page I was on and everything I'm like. This is amazing technology what about you?
Speaker 2:oh, actually, you know what? This is a positive now that I'm seeing this. This was left from lunch. I haven't had five alive in so long, but I sent my husband over to the juice aisle to pick out juice for my child and us apparently so he's like oh, I got.
Speaker 2:I got five alive juice boxes. I'm like you're gonna have to grab another one of those because I will definitely drink all of those on our child because it's been so long since I've had five alive. But it's so good. It's like one step below real orange juice but like eight steps above Sunny D. Like it's so good. That's my positive.
Speaker 1:Sorry. Another positive thing will actually be your daughter. That was so cute.
Speaker 2:My daughter I saved it.
Speaker 1:yes, because in that voice note, because every time you ask her to say hi, aunt Chris. She saved it. Yes, because in that voice note, because every time you ask you to say like say hi, aunt chris, she'll just like look at you or like not do anything, and then in that voice note she's like hi, chris. And I'm like, oh my god, that was so amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's such a chatterbox, her and her. So my friends, they uh so I've mentioned them before brandon and Brandon and Emma, and Brandon is on a work trip and Emma is with Mina, so I've been. I invited them over for dinner tonight so her and Mina came over and Harper and Mina were playing and they're walking around the apartment holding hands and but like that sounds super cute. But my child definitely like slapped her across the face like 10 minutes before that. Oh yeah, my child is like she's so mean to her, like, and I brought it up because they go to daycare together and I brought it up to the daycare person and they were like, oh yeah, like uh, mina is usually the one that's more mean and I'm like not when they're at my house, my child is ready to like elbow this kid like it's. So Harper's like this is my territory now, literally.
Speaker 2:So after you know, she smacked her around a little bit. She then decided to they would hold hands through the apartment and then I was like, okay, like we gotta go, so like they're, they gotta leave. So give, give each other a hug. So they hug, because they love hugging, so they hug. And then harper goes, kiss, kiss, kiss and she's like going up to mina, like trying to get her to kiss, and mina's like I don't like no, like I don't want that. But harper's like kiss yes, because we kiss harper, right, we're like hugs, kiss and then night night and that kind of stuff. So it's cute because, like you know, she's not just gonna do that to anybody random, she just does it to the people she loves. So like to see that kind of love that she has to her is is really precious. That was cute, yeah, especially since you know she was like grabbing her hair and whatnot, like literally 10 minutes before, well, half an hour before that oh my gosh we don't you know.
Speaker 2:Just to clarify, if we don't say yeah good job. Like no harper, I joke. But we do. Okay, but to be fair, so does mina's parents I'm assuming all of you are like, oh my god yeah yeah, it's not like I start laughing at my point. I mean as parents.
Speaker 1:So I'm like my child's one of your child. Yeah, I'm a tank. Anyways, on that note, this was good kind of. It was weird. This is such an episode. God only knows where this is going I gotta edit it like asap so that I don't think about it and then not put it out for many weeks. That never happens never. That's not why we didn't record for two weeks actually that's not why hashtag depression yeah, literally all right till next time. Yay, bye.
Speaker 2:Lisa, bye, chris, bye everybody.