When life gets tough: Finding your minimums

Let's face it; life gets tough for all of us, and sometimes in midlife, when our warrior-hormone estrogen has tanked, life can feel especially tough.
Cam and Amelia have both experienced struggles: aging parents, business travel, loss of pets, parents moving, cancer.....it's all, well, heavy.

Joint us for an enlightening and (believe it or not) encouraging episode on how to cope with hard times by establishing minimums: good habits and practices that you can rely on to keep you centered and sane.

00:00 Midlife understanding is crucial; stress and change.
04:50 Older parents often forget caregivers' busy lives.
07:16 Laughing through the challenges of caregiver burnout.
11:26 I’ve grown more honest with age.
14:54 Cam taught me to recognize and process emotions.
18:45 Morning devotional time keeps me grounded daily.
23:20 I now enjoy solitude and my own company.
24:37 Consciously rotating through long-term, evolving friendships.
28:16 Change is inevitable; authenticity deepens friendships.
31:36 Hope this helped; find us on Instagram.

In this episode, you'll hear: 

1. Minimum Self-Care Routines:
   • Establish basic self-care habits to prevent burnout, especially when caregiving for aging parents. It's essential to set boundaries and allow yourself the space to recharge, even if it feels unfamiliar after years of prioritizing others.
2. Flexibility & Well-being:
   • Embrace flexibility in your dietary and lifestyle choices. While eating whole, real foods is beneficial, it's equally important to indulge occasionally and enjoy social activities without guilt. Balance is key.
3. Authenticity in Relationships:
   • Authenticity fosters trust and deeper connections. Be honest with yourself and others, and allow your true self to show up in relationships. This practice saves energy and encourages genuine bonds.

Stay Connected!
Amelia

• Website: https://www.thehelpfulplate.com/
• IG: https://www.instagram.com/thehelpfulplate/

Cam

• Website: https://www.camoyler.com/
• IG: https://www.instagram.com/heymomma_cam/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@heymomma_cam

Midlife Mommas IG: https://www.instagram.com/midlife.mommas/

Please share, rate, and review the podcast. We appreciate you! ❤️

Transcript

0:09

Hi. I'm Cam, Holistic health coach, mom to 2 humans and 4 pets. Hi. I'm Amelia, Laboratory scientist by day and food scientist by night. Welcome to our show. Join us as we share our holistic approach to life after 50. You can expect real life stories with a dash of humor and a ton of truth. If it happens in midlife, we're going to talk about it. So hit that subscribe button and follow along. We're the Midlife Mommas What happened? Yes. What did happen? A lot of times our lives feel like that, like they're coming to a screeching halt or you've hit a brick wall. So we're gonna talk today about what happens when life comes at you hard. And believe me, life does come at you hard. We're in midlife. That's just what happens. Right? And our ability to handle what is greatly diminished. So we have to figure out tools so you can feel in your body and out of your mind. What are your minimums? Yeah. I love that, and I love the fact that we're actually talking about this because in my forties cam, you know, during all of that perimenopause stuff, I didn't understand that my bandwidth might be diminished. And I tried to keep pushing, and it wasn't good. You know? Like, I was still trying to do all the things, and I felt stressed a lot. And I think understanding that life is different in midlife, and one of the things you've taught me is about time cushioning, but, yeah, I just I just think this is a really important subject because so many of the people that I know have relatively large life changing things going on right now. Yeah. A 100%. I feel like life has been coming at me hard since April. I there's just been a lot of stuff going on, a car accident. My mom had cancer. My dad moved. Just on and on. Right? And when I feel when I'm in my thoughts and not in my body and I'm worried about all those things, then I don't feel my best. And for me, that comes across as I'm irritable. I'm bitter. Those are my triggers. What about you? Yeah. I think the same thing. My kind of stress, I feel like, or the life coming at you hard segment started in December when my father-in-law died. And then, of course, we had to my mother-in-law was still with us, so we're kinda dealing with her. About 5 weeks ago, 4 weeks ago, we moved her into a retirement center. And then on top of that, I've just been doing a ton of work travel this year. So it just feels like a lot, And I'm trying to just take one day at a time, but that's really hard because I'm a planner. But I agree with you that my symptoms manifest very much like yours do. Sometimes anxiety, sometimes, just my relationships feel strained because I'm so busy trying to keep up keep all the balls in the air that I'm not nourishing the relation relationships like I should, and that actually adds more stress. Uh-huh. Yeah. I agree with that a 100%. From a 10,000 foot view, how is your mother-in-law adjusted to her change? Can you see how is she is she breaking or is she bending? Is she does she have minimums? Will tilt. That's a great question, and I appreciate you asking it. It feels to me like both. She complains mightily and will say things like, I feel like I've been dumped here, but she's had more social interaction in the last month than she had in the last 4 years when she was living at her home. So we're trying to be empathetic. Change has been really hard for her. And to to your point, I don't even think she's in a mindset to recognize what minimums are, much less have them. But she will, she says, this is so hard and it's so difficult and it's so new, and I don't know anybody. So lots and lots of complaining, but her actions are actually adaptive. So I'm hopeful. Yeah. But that's why we're having this conversation now, Cam, is because I feel like in our fifties, we can learn how to adapt in ways that's gonna serve us when we're in our eighties. And I just I I wanna be that person that's like, okay. What's next? Like, I'm ready for it. Bend did not break. Right. Exactly. Yeah. So my dad is also 80, and he moved to a new area. And so he's in Kentucky now, and, I see him getting out and he's walking and exploring his neighborhood, which was one of the requirements for him. So I do feel like he's being more flexible. There are little weird things like making an appointment at the barbershop. Like, I don't think you do that. You just go. Right? So but he seems to be adapting well, and that makes me happy. So I wanna be like that too. Yeah. I love that your dad is adapting well. Does he rely on you for things? Do you get a lot of calls or texts like, I need that? Because my husband does all the time. And a lot of the a couple of times, he's had to remind her, I can't do that right now, mom. I have a job. Mhmm. And so there's a little bit of, almost like not inflexibility, but people at that age seem to forget what life was like for them when they were in their fifties because my mother-in-law was working, so was my mom. And so I think sometimes they get so caught up in their microcosm that they forget that those of us, who are trying to be adequate caregivers as it were, it's a little it's a little tough. Yeah. So yesterday, I spent a lot of time, like, I went picked him up, and we went to lunch, and then I took him to Trader Joe's and all that because I hadn't done that in a minute. Usually, when I go to the store, hey, do you need anything from Costco or Trader Joe's? That thing, but it's still opposite direction as far as driving goes. So it has to be well planned. But we had an extra vacuum, and I wanted to give that to him. And so I just kind of looped it in. I hadn't seen him in 8 days because I was gone over the weekend camping with some women and 2,000 women. But that's another story. That's another story. So I hadn't seen him. Our rhythm is on Sunday, we pick him up. We'd we'd go to church. We go to lunch. And so I know he's having more social interactions at least once a week with me and my husband. So, yeah. And this weekend, my dad my husband's out of town for his man camp because that's what we do. And my dad's like, are we gonna go to church on Sunday? I said, absolutely. And he's like, well, you know, Dan's not gonna be here. I'm like, I can drive. It's okay. So I think he really missed it. So I think he does rely on us, but it's in a healthy way right now. There seems to be good boundaries, parameters, if you will. I don't feel taxed yet. That's wonderful. And I think, just based on what you've just said, that he's gonna grow in his environment and maybe become less dependent, and I hope my mother-in-law does too. But I just love that, and my husband had a similar situation with his mom. He hadn't seen her. He had our super busy work week last week, so this this past Sunday, he hung some shelves for her. It was like, I'm really gonna spend some time. But, Cam, so many of the the friends that I have that have aging parents were in this really give and take. It's no longer about our children. It's about these aging people. And sometimes we have to laugh instead of cry, but it is it can be very taxing if you're not prepared. And I know, a number of months ago, we did have a guest on the podcast that talked about this, but I just encourage everyone, and we didn't mean to focus the whole podcast on aging parents, but we're both experiencing this right now, and I suspect quite a few of our listeners are too. So it is something that we need to be careful about taking care of ourselves. In fact, my mother called my husband last week and was like, how are you doing? Like, she knows from taking care of an aging husband who eventually died many years ago, that that is such caregiver burnout is a very real thing. So we do have to establish our minimums and our self care routines. Right. And also, I know people in my world, their kids are now going to college for the first time or teachers are going back to school, which you're back to school about a month now. But the idea is there's a lot of change. And right, there's this like guilt that we have to take care of everybody else. But today, we're gonna talk about the minimum things that you can do so you can feel good in your body and show up fully for the people in your life. Because I know I ran from empty. In the thirties, it was crazy run, run, run, do carpool school blah, blah, blah, blah. In my forties, I was trying to survive a divorce. And now in my fifties, I'm navigating aging parents. Yeah. And so you've been you you described each decade and there were real significant demands in each one of those decades, and I think that many of the women in our circles, in our virtual circles are the same. And so I'd like to think it's time for us to actually take care of ourselves, but that can be a hard shift if you've always put everyone first. And I think there's something to you know, for some of us, it's it's hard because maybe you feel selfish, and then maybe there's some guilt associated to that with that. But I wanna come back to what you said that I really love running on empty. Mhmm. You can't give and care for if you are on empty. So that's kind of what I feel like is the take home. And, yeah, I just I love that we're at this place in life where we can discuss it and be authentic. Yeah. In my camping experience around our little campfire of 6, we had 30 year old all the way up to 55. So I was the youngest. Right. So we had 30s 40s 50s at the campfire. And I think, like, yeah, it was 3 in the 40s and 2 in the 50s. Anyway, you can kind of see the women. And I think that was the purpose of the weekend is to learn how to use your voice and have appropriate loving boundaries. Boundaries are not taking care of yourself first is not selfish, but there's still that undercurrent like, Oh, I can't do this because I have to do this instead. And so I think that was like the overall theme of the weekend. And it was interesting to see women at different stages of life trying to figure this out. Figure it out. So that's what we say. Yeah. So can do you think the women who were older were doing a better job at it? Did the younger women seem to be struggling more or it wasn't age related? You know, the ones in the 50s are like working about changing identities, which we've done a podcast on that before, like things change. Are you alone anymore? Are you empty nester anymore? And, like, putting down that mask, if you will, like, I am this and then taking well, not anymore. I'm changing. That's changing. So I would say in the fifties, it was more about identities. In the forties, there was this guilt thing still, like, I have to do everything for everybody else. And yeah. So I think and and then the thirties, which was really interesting, because I recognize that myself, when things get tired, you quote, unquote, run. What does run look like? So for some people, it can be over exercising or doing something physical with your body. But also, like, you can run, by distancing yourself from people or maybe drinking extra wine. Like, there's always there running doesn't have to be physical run. It's blocking yourself from something else, if you will. That makes sense. Gosh. I love that because I think that if I'm honest, there are still occasions I'm growing and not doing it as much, but I've exhibited that. I've done that. You know, not wanting to face something and just hiding. And that's one thing I will say in my fifties, Cam, probably even the last 2 years, is that I've gotten more honest with myself and with others because I have realized I don't have to cover up the truth. Like, in the past, I think I've thought I'm worried about what other people would say if I was honest. I don't want to do that or that's not convenient for me, or at work, I didn't get that done or I didn't understand that was the task you wanted me to do. Being honest instead of, like, scrambling to cover up or making up an excuse, I'm done with that. Mhmm. And it feels really good in my body and my mind. Right? Like, I spent so much energy agonizing over these things, and the sky has not fallen. Like, I haven't gotten fired. None of my friends have said I don't wanna be your friend anymore. So it is a really empowering and freeing place to be, and I have more energy to to work or to produce productive content or, you know, vacuum the like, just energy. It's amazing how freeing you can be and how much more energy you have when you're not worrying all the time or shoulding all over yourself as we like to say. One of one of the things we did, it was we have this in Saturday morning, there was, like, music, whatever, and then there was a solitude time, and we have this guide, and we went through a guide. You had to choose your adventure, and one of the guides was unveiled. That's the one I chose. That's the one that spoke to me. And a veil is like something that blocks you from your authentic self or your authentic life. And when you unveil yourself, then you can show up fully in your life. I think that's what you're saying. Like, what is blocking yourself living your full life? Yeah. It was really neat experience. Yes. And, Cam, that's a lot of hard work. I mean, I don't think I realized how hard that, like, thought work was until the last year and a half or so that I, you know, as, again, I kind of rely on maybe as a crutch, my, Enneagram number 3 is one of the hallmarks of a number 3 is we love to perform, and it may be at the expense of how we feel about something. But really getting in touch with, how do I feel about this? How is this shoulding all over myself to perform affecting me? And, so, yeah, I would agree. You know, it's like it is like the mask. Right? It's like this thing that we're carrying around and that we probably if it's no longer servicing us, how do we know, and can we put it down? Yeah. And the first step, which is the hardest, I will say, is recognizing that there is something in the way. So once you recognize it, then you can actively do something for it or against it or whatever it is, take it away. But understanding that there is something blocking you. And I think the way to get in touch with yourself is to be alone and have some quiet time. Mhmm. In this case, we were in the woods, you know, doing this guided thing that was written for us. But whatever that is for you, you know, it's inconvenient to go sleep in a tent 2 nights when it was flipping hot 90 degrees. And you you know, 3 of the families had kids to worry about, but we all had animals and husbands and, you know, all those things, but it's inconvenient. But on the other side of that was you came home more in touch with yourself, more in touch with your family, more able to serve despite being inconvenient for a couple days. Right. And, you know, Cam, one of the things you've taught me is what things feel like in my body. So if I have a communication, whether it's email or a phone call or and this is a really good one. If I see something on social media that I find upsetting, whether it's something about climate change or some sort of animal cruelty. Those are kinda my hot button topics. Or it could be that one of my friends did something really fun, and maybe there's a touch of jealousy, or why didn't I get invited. But really getting in touch of what I feel, because sometimes it it manifests in my stomach hurts for a second, or sometimes I feel like my heart is heavy, or sometimes my heart starts to race. But really getting in touch with what are these things that affect me and how and how can I overcome or deal with it instead of just kind of pushing it away? You know what I mean? Because that's my default. It's just like, I'm not dealing with that. But really, like, why do I feel that way? Why does that make me sad or anxious? Yeah. Let me post it now. On my on my computer, it says, Why is this showing this to me? And I have a few posted notes. And one of them says, I know, but this one says, Why why am I why is this showing up for me right now? And why questions are not the best questions to ask because they sometimes send you down a rabbit hole that's not positive. But if you take a minute and say, what it what is this showing to me right now? You know, like, why do I feel that way when I see something that, oh, I wanted to do that, or why wasn't I included, or whatever it is. Just pause for a second. And most of the time, Cam, I've learned how to I won't say self soothe or rationalize, but in some way come to terms because, you know, most I I take ownership of my own choices. And if I didn't get invited to something, it's probably because I haven't talked to that person in a while. It's not their fault, and it's not really mine. It's just that life evolves. Right? Mhmm. And if it's something that upsetting, in the news, do I is there something I can do about this? Is my voice or my action, can I do something about it? And if not, what it what it how can I change my attitude around this thing? So it it's a lot of introspection and it's a lot of work instead of whatever your fault the position is, whether it's fear or shame or guilt or whatever that negative thing is to actually deal with it instead of, like, just go into that dark place. Yeah. Right. Or just completely ignoring it because then I think it's stored in your body, and it'll come back and bite you. Absolutely. Yeah. I I let's talk about minimums because you mentioned something. One of the things you just mentioned was the news, that not watching the news is one of my minimums. And actually, I just heard this, I get this audio clip every morning in my email. And she's amazing. She's Doctor. Christy Ann Northrop. Anyway, today's clip was about that about listening to the news, their tone of their voice, the music, it's meant to incite you. Yes. But here's the thing, our nervous system isn't designed for that. And so if you are constantly watching the news, which I know my elderly parents do my dad especially. And it makes me crazy when I Yeah. So he turns it off when I go over. Anyway, that's another story. I appreciate that. We're not designed to live that way. That is not how we live. So it that is one of my minimums. I don't watch the news. And I love that because you're so specific that that is a problem. Yeah. I mean, you some people would argue, well, how do you know what's going on? And you've created yeah. I'm gonna say you've created a life. You've created a I I don't know if habit's the right word, that serves you. You have what you need to know. You're living this beautiful life, so you don't need to know that. So I love that. One of my minimums is my devotional time in the morning. Even when I get up, like, the last two mornings, I've actually worked out before work,

and I've had to get up at, like, 5, 5: 18:54

15 to do it, and it's been very satisfying, but I don't ignore my minimum of that devotional time for me. That is sacred. It's that introspection time, you know, and I love that. So, you know, I know that about myself that it helps me feel grounded for the day when I start my day like that. A 100%. Like, getting outside in the morning, drinking coffee, which I did not do today. It's raining. So Oh, yeah. It's raining here too. Yeah. It's not nice. But anyway, usually, that's one of the things quiet time in the morning. I usually listen to a guided meditation. But starting my foot on a calm way instead of jumping into work and jumping in the email, that just turns on my nervous system, and I can feel it all day. And I don't wanna be like that. Well, you know, you said that about emails, and I agree with you in the morning. But for me, I also can be very reactive and triggered when I see communication that I find to be either problematic or I feel like someone is not accusing me, but maybe calling my performance into question. And instead of responding immediately, I sit on it. And I've had to learn that. So knowing that that's a trigger for me and I'm likely to respond in a not so nice way. Mhmm. Honestly, I should not admit this, but, you know, sometimes those are social. Like, sometimes, like, if you're on, committees in your community or your church or whatever, you know, people want to do what's best, but sometimes it can be inflammatory. And I'm like, you know, angry typing. So really sitting on things that I find inflammatory has been a game changer for me. That's good. So you don't ruminate in it and, like Exactly. Okay. That's good. Instead of responding, like, knee jerk response, you take a minute and you what do I really need to say here? That's awesome. Yeah. And that's become a minimum, Cam. Like, it didn't used to be. A year ago, I couldn't have said that with honesty, but that has become a guidepost for my behavior because it does because like you said, it my nervous system goes wonky if I, you know, if I'm reactive. Yeah. And that's what we want for you to understand what turns your nervous system on to a not healthy place. Like, we need to respond to danger in the Right. If there's an emergency, but we are not living in a 100% 24 hour emergency, but we act like it. And so what are the minimums so you can take that burden off your body? When life comes at you hard, there are things that happen, big things, but there's also little things like an email or a text message. You know? Yeah. And one of my other minimums, Candace, is time outside. I mean and I've learned how to employ that during stressful times to, like, step away from the computer and actually go outside because outside time for me is healing. Mhmm. It can be grounding. I understand that, like, you know, with my feet on the earth, but just the sunlight, and just listening to birdsong or even whatever is happening. That's really important for me. One of my favorite ways thinking of bird sounds is when you are outside, ask yourself, what can't I hear? And I know it sounds crazy, but you can hear all the layers. Where's that cricket coming from? Oh, that's a different bird. Oh, it's to the laughter. And you can just imagine you're hearing go out, out out and you're completely present. And the stupid problem that you were worried about is completely gone. Because you're in your body and you're listening to nature sounds, or car sounds or whatever you hear. Right? Yeah. Exactly. Just being present is so important. And it doesn't have to be a long period of time. This can be done in, you know, a 15 minute break. So that's one of my minimums as well. What about you? What's on your other list of minimums? I really need time alone. I call myself an ambivert. I love people and I love time alone. And if I don't have enough time alone or enough margin between things, I feel I don't know, irritable, I guess is the best word for it. Like, I need time alone to process, but not time alone to like, overthink things like that is not what I need. Because that used to be me for like, oh, I you know, especially going through a divorce. And, you know, kids are gone and, like, my all my identities were ripped away in my forties. Not really. But that's what I thought then. And I would just ruminate in my thoughts, just marinate in them was not healthy. So what I did is move my body, and then that went too far. But I do like moving my body. I think getting outside, walking yeah. There's something about that. Moving your body to get out of your brain into your body is helpful. I agree with you, and I love what you said about solitude because I was a person in my thirties, definitely my late twenties, maybe my early thirties too, where I wanted to constantly be around people. I wasn't so comfortable with my own company, and I've definitely evolved. I'm not sure if solitude is a minimum because I I never feel like I don't get it. But I think in our fifties, when we are realizing who we are authentically and operating from that place, we do enjoy our own company. We are craving like, no more stimulus. You know what I mean? Like, people can be people y. I mean, people are messy, even the ones we love. So I do really love that you said that. And I agree with you about the moving your body. That's definitely a minimum for me. Even if it's just a walk, I love moving my body. It just it's like an endorphin rush for me. Yeah. And it keeps you present. And I think that's why I overexercise through my forties because either I was marinating with a pint of ice cream, really yucky thoughts or whatever, or I was over exercising. So you need there needs to be a balance there because that was overstimulus too. Yeah, sure. But what about relationship and time with people? How do you feel about that as far as like keeping your boundaries and keeping your minimums? I definitely am I intentionally like, I don't like the word rotate, but I'm gonna use the word rotate. I like, Oh, I haven't seen this person in a minute. Oh, I haven't talked to them. And I consciously rotate through, you know, those relationships like the women I was with today I or this weekend I've known for over 10 years, they knew me in the yucky 40s divorce thing. And it's fun to see where we've gone. And like one, one person, I've known her for 24 years, I think our doctors are in daycare together. So anyway, it was fun to see how the relationship has evolved. And then we were all exercise friends. But here we are at a church camp, camp talking about woo woo things around a campfire. So I love that those things have evolved, and that's just how I do it. What about you? Same. I mean, my husband is better than I am about doing that you know, having that mental Rolodex of people, and he calls them. He has several friends from, like, high school, college that don't live locally, and so he calls them regularly. He's really good. I'm not as good, but it's so funny we bring this up today because in the last week, I've had 3 different friend sets reach out and say we need to see each other. Mhmm. And so over the next 3 weeks, I and here's another kinda minimum for me, Cam. I can't schedule multiple social outings during the week in 1 week. Yeah. Like, I'm down for 1. Like, one evening, I'm down. So over the next 3 weeks, I've, you know, been very frank about this is when I'm available, I can't do it this week, whatever, because I know the old me would've just accepted whatever dates they threw out and then been busy 3 or 4 nights in a row, and I can't do that anymore. Mhmm. So I love and I'm so grateful that these women have reached out, but I did. There was a couple times where I was like, oop, can't do it that week, what about the next? And one of these groups I've known for like 30 years, and I've pushed them out like 7 weeks. And that feels a little bit to the old me, like, that's rude, but that's realistic. That's when I can commit to seeing you and really enjoy your company, you know? So I think it's super important, and I love seeing different groups and having different interests. But I wanna be present. I don't wanna feel like I've been put upon or that I'm rushing to enjoy someone's company. That's no good. Right. And that's no fun either because that would show up for me as irritability or bitterness, and and then we're back to where we started. So that's now we're trying to avoid that. Exactly. And the old me would carefully consider what these groups of women like, what our relationship is like, and I would literally show up in the clothing and the attitude that I had when we met. Like, I wanted I wanted to conform to their expectation of me, and I'm done with that as well. Yeah. So no expectations going in just full of gratitude, full of joy that I have these awesome people in my life without, like, oh my god. What am I gonna wear? Where are we gonna eat? You know? No. Done with all that. Well, that's the whole thing. I think that once we get here at the midlife awakening is like, okay. Accept me for who I am or goodbye. Yeah. Yeah. And and understanding and embracing the seasons of life. You know, you were talking about, teachers and moms where kids are going back to school and and really embracing this is different. This is different than summer. If your kids are gone, this is different than when they were here. You know, you with your dad. So embracing the seasonality, not just literal seasons, but long seasons. Because when you do brace instead of embrace, it brings a lot of stress, and I would say eventually bitterness. Mhmm. And it's okay that change happens. I remember my dad on my first wedding day said, the only thing certain in life is change, or I forget what he said. But basically, the only thing that's going to happen over and over is change. And how are you going to live with that? Or what are you going to do with that? And it's okay that you change like your friends show up as you are today instead of who you were then. Right? That just brings a level of depth to the friendship and authentic, you know, an authentic and Being authentic for sure. And I think when you are authentic, it engenders trust. So I think a lot of times people have a sense of when you're being honest, and they're gonna respond better even if you think they might not like who you are. Mhmm. It's always better, in my opinion, to be authentic and honest because people can smell that falseness, and that's not endearing at all. So, again, you know, I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and that's fine. Like, I don't I don't need to be liked and loved by everyone on the planet. It's okay. Yeah. But the old me would have been like I needed Total. Yes. I need to bend to fit into their square instead of my circle or whatever. There's one more thing on the list. It's Whole Real Foods. Like, that makes me feel, that's one of my minimums. It doesn't always happen. It is not perfect at all. I went to Monday night football last night. I'm tired. I had pizza, and I drank a beer, and I stayed up late. So those are all three things that are, like, against my minimums, but I am here, and I enjoyed it. So I don't know. Is it 80 20 something like that? But whole foods make you feel alive, and then your body and your digestion feels good. You don't feel bloated, blah blah blah. So that's on my list. Yeah. I agree with you, and I traveled the last 3 weeks, and I did the I did I do the best I could? Maybe not. I did eat a croissant, which I could've gotten a better choice, but I really enjoyed the croissant. So but I am with you. Like, this week, I'm really starting. I'm trying to, you know, whole real foods, no processed foods, and I've only been doing it for 2 days and I feel so much better. Like, my mental acuity is better. My tummy is not bloated at all. So I think that we when we try hard you know, I love the 80, 20 rule. And maybe there's times where we're, quote, stricter if we're in a phase where we're at home and we can cook all our meals, but also accepting that when we travel or when we go see friends or when we go out, maybe that's not quite as feasible. And again, being flexible enough to be okay with that. Right. But there's joy at the table if you're going out with your friends or, you know, last night being in the crowd of all the people even though we lost, you know, that was exciting. There was live music before and, you know, all of those things are also held in. Okay, so I drink a beer and ate a pizza. So that you know, whatever. There is more health out there. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Because what is life if we're so restrictive that we we can't eat or enjoy, and we're not laughing and we're bitter because we're eating, I don't know, celery and lettuce. You're carrying your Tupperware to Monday night football. Exactly. Like, no. Come on. So, yeah, I think minimums are a guidepost or a guideline, but we do have situations where we we need to be flexible, and that is, in my opinion, part of the midlife awakening. Mhmm. Yeah. We don't wanna break. We just wanna bend. Yeah. Exactly. It's all good. But, you know, I hope everybody listening has found some some help here and can relate to the fact that we are there's a lot of stuff going on out there in the world and for us personally, and we're here for all of it. Thanks for listening today. You can find us on You can find us on Instagram @midlife.mommas. For all of our other contact info, check out the show description below, and we will talk to you next week.