Just Start, Don't Stop ft. J9 #64

Steve welcomes J9 to share their experience, strength, and hope with you, along with advice on getting and staying sober.

Follow J9 on Instagram @j9grooves and follow us while you are at it @gAyApodcast.

Also check out their website for links to their work: https://www.liinks.co/j9grooves

Thank you for listening. Please rate and review if you have found this information helpful.

If you are interested in sharing your story, getting involved with the show, or just saying hi, please e-mail me at gayapodcast@gmail.com

Or Follow Us wherever you are listening so you can get new episodes when they come out every Monday and Thursday. Until that time, stay sober, friends!

Transcript

Steve: 0:03

Hi everyone. And welcome to gay. A podcast about sobriety for the LGBTQ plus community and our allies. I'm your host, Steve Bennet-Martin. I am an alcoholic and I am grateful for my wonderful husband. As we near our six year wedding anniversary. As of this recording, I am 272 days sober. And today we're welcoming guests to share their experience, wisdom and hope with you. Welcome to the show, James.

J9: 0:27

Hi, thanks for having me.

Steve: 0:29

Pleasure. And look, can we S let's start with having you introduce yourself to the listeners. Tell us a little bit more about who you are.

J9: 0:36

Sure. Yeah. So my name's well I'm J9, but Janine J nine, they kind of are the same if you think about it, but yeah. I'm from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and I have been sober now for it'll actually two years on March 1st. So I'm pretty stoked about that. Yeah, I'm a musician. I'm actually my studio right now. So like I said, J and kind, kinda my artist's name, it's also a nickname because my name is also kind of spelled G and I and Janine, so yeah.

Steve: 1:16

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for that. And then, so we can get to know you better. Tell us a little bit about what your journey with alcohol and addiction was like.

J9: 1:23

The journey. Well, I mean, I guess it's really started before I was born. Alcoholism runs in my family, quite a bit, both sides. And yeah, I mean, I, I didn't touch anything. When I was in high school, I was like good kid in high school, small towns, shelter. Oldest of three kids, the single mom working all the time. So as soon as I got to go to college, I rebelled my ass and they're in enters the alcohol. Yeah, I've, I've, I've just turned 40 and that would have been, I'd say like around 19, I started drinking often and alive. So it was good, you know, 21 years of making bad decisions and apologizing a lot. And. Just not feeling good. And I think that's really kind of where it stemmed from is not only is it genetic, but like, you don't really feel great about yourself. It's easy to find places to turn to. I suppose, especially if I don't know, Toronto is a very social city too. It just kind of breathe a, what do they call them? Functional alcoholics. So. Yeah, it was always around. I always had friends. I'm a musician, a lot of playing in bars again. So it was always around. And over the years I had, you know, tried to stop a few times. This is the longest so far, so you know, 21 years, and it's been two years now, so yeah, it's been a journey. It's hard. Yeah. When everyone, you know, all your friends drank a lot and no one shows any interest in stopping you know, one bad relationship after another, most of them were kind of oriented around alcohol on one way or another. Yeah, and I mean, I think when I started therapy was probably when I really started to open my mind up to the fact that like, this is a thing. And yeah, before that I thought I was, you know, just young, having fun in a city. R, but yeah, to your sober, just before pandemic, I went on a trip to Mexico with a friend of mine who also likes to drink a lot. And I swear I almost died from alcohol poisoning about like two to three times on a trip. And that wasn't the first time it had happened a few months before that, before I even went. And I don't know, I just. I can't keep doing this to myself or to the people around me. And I don't want to feel like this ever again. And that was that.

Steve: 4:18

Yeah. What is your life been like now that you're living.

J9: 4:22

It's boring, boring, boring, but that's not a hundred percent sure like a pandemic happen. And you know, I was living alone in a small apartment, downtown Toronto. So like, I just didn't go out. There's too many people everywhere. So I mean that alone made it boring right off the bat. Earlier this summer, I decided to move outside of the city, but to our drive kind of in the middle of nowhere. So I mean that alone made it even more boring because at least now there's not, you know, like drunk people screaming on the street at like 3:00 AM often, but on a upside, I definitely get really good. All the time. And I'm definitely way more productive with my, my art and my craft needs. And I've really developed deep, meaningful relationships with the people that are still in my life in a way that I couldn't have before. So, I mean, those are really, really great things.

Steve: 5:29

Excellent. And having come so far in such a short period of time, if you could go back in time and talk to your former self, when you were at what you would consider a rock bottom, what would you tell yourself in that point?

J9: 5:42

I mean, Feeling like you're going to die if you keep drinking is pretty rock bottom. But I don't think I really felt like that was my rock bottom. I just felt like that was the end point. And I mean, I got into cognitive behavioral therapy quite a few years ago. So it's kind of like, I'm just constantly talking to myself now and talking myself out of, you know, not very helpful, you know, thoughts and such. But I do remember quite a few years ago, I was at the end of a very abusive relationship that was very much centered around alcohol. And that's probably when my drinking was at its most out of control. I think it was just trying to manage my emotions in any way I could. And unfortunately, you know, things didn't go very well. Things got a bit violent and, you know, I could say, you know, it's you, it's not me. Or, you know, it's both of us, but I mean, when you're not in control of yourself and someone's egging you on. It's just so easy to not make a decisions. And so, yeah, I would say that was rock bottom. And if I could go back and talk to myself, then I would definitely say to myself that you deserve better than this. Even though you don't know it, you deserve someone that loves you for real and cares about you more. And won't bring this out of you. You deserve to treat yourself better because you're worth it. And I would also let myself know that, you know, it's not your fault that you don't know any better. Yeah.

Steve: 7:50

I can certainly understand those feelings. Now, how would you say, or you feel your sexuality or gender identity played a role in your addiction?

J9: 8:02

Well, As I kinda mentioned earlier, I did grow up in a small town. I was pretty sheltered. I was babysitting my siblings often. They didn't really rebel or go out and party until, you know, I left home. Part of that sheltering was being a small town, hiding my sexuality. Not feeling any kind of support if I did come out. So again, back to managing emotions and I mean, I came up pretty quickly after that, but honestly, up until just a few years ago, I didn't even really know that a nonbinary person was even a thing. And yeah, I do feel like much of not feeling good about myself aside from like having bad role models or maybe not the best role models that whatever was yeah. Just trying to manage my emotions of not feeling good in my own body. When, especially you're, you're an artist and you're in a social city and all your friends are alcoholics. Like, yeah. It kind of just helps you be more social and takes away any pain or anxiety you might experience otherwise. So I would say maybe that in that way, my sexuality, it kind of added to my addiction and to my recovery. I mean, I can say the exact opposite as soon as I started to become aware of and embrace this long, lost like thing that I always knew, but I didn't really know what exactly, or how to like integrate it. And once I started to have words for it and I found a community around it and I became more comfortable in myself, I even started some hormone therapy. As a non binary person, it just started to feel so much more comfortable in myself and confident. And I think that made it, that started the process of making it much easier to make good, healthy decisions moving forward. Yeah.

Steve: 10:12

Yeah. I can for sure understand that. And if you could give one piece of advice to someone who's sober, curious, or newly sober, what would it be?

J9: 10:22

I would say there is no same interning to medication therapy. A lot of addictions come from real deep places that often stem from early childhood and, and familial ancestral stuff. And I mean, I want you to understand it. You can't really work with it. Yeah, and I did, I had a lot of anxiety and depression and I, I became diagnosis adult with ADHD. And ever since I started taking medication, I mean, it's definitely been it's it's, it's helped me not feel the need to go. For two vices to, to, especially through the pandemic when you're like isolated and I don't know. So you got to get rid of the stigma medication, everything exists for a reason. There's a time and a season, and there's no shame in turning to that or therapy. You know, you don't just have to tough it out and take care of yourself alone your whole life. You know, there's a lot of information. In your emotions and unless you honor them, you know, they're probably going to come out and other unhealthy ways. So. Yeah, that's my advice. Yeah. And remember the stigma remove the stigma of medication and therapy and by all means integrate it into your life. It can be very helpful.

Steve: 12:05

Yeah. I mean, I'm, I've always been a huge advocate for therapy. I was a psych major, so it been funny if I wasn't. But what's the process of going through like cognitive behavioral therapy been like.

J9: 12:15

I don't know. It was kind of interesting. Actually. I did start that pretty much. I think at the end of that particularly abusive relationship or right after it ended. And I was fortunate to have it covered by our OHIP. So I didn't have to pay for it. It was covered under our health care and Yeah. Like, I know there's books, there's books you can read and I'm sure for the right person who learns while that way, that's good. They come with charts where it's really neat to like, you know, I, once I see the chart, I can see the process and once they know the process, it's just a matter of practicing it. So I never actually like did the homework writing out these charts, but it was really. To know on the first session that the goal of it was to teach me a skill set. You just, weren't given certain tools to help you out with, and so you can learn those. And once I wrapped my head around that, it's like, okay, it's a deficit, but you can correct it. You can learn new tools, new skills that you're not meant to be in CBT therapy for the rest of your life. Yeah. You're learning a new skillset, a set of tools that you haven't had before that can help you basically talk yourself down off the ledge every single time you need it. And it was really neat when I was about a year and a half, maybe two years in my therapist said that she thinks that I didn't need to come back anymore. Nice. So that was pretty cool.

Steve: 13:58

Yeah. And what are some things you do in your daily life today to help keep you safe?

J9: 14:04

Music is a big one. Even just with the pandemic, like if I didn't have the projects that I'm working on for myself to focus on all the time, like, like I said, things are boring. Yeah. And it keeps my brain occupied. It fills me with better self esteem. Every time I finished something that I'm proud of. I do try, you know, to. Decently, but also not beat myself up too bad if I don't. And I try to remind myself to stay as active as I can, but by all means it's not been anything near what it might've been in the past. When you know, you're in a really good group. It's like, no, you know what? Even if I just, every now and then I'm like moving my body, then I do feel better. It's that positive reinforcement that makes me want to keep doing it at all. I just want to play music and like be lazy all the time and eat food. But yeah, I mean, and food, I mean, food does kind of help if I need to reach for something, you know, chocolate's nice. Yeah. Yeah. That's about it.

Steve: 15:19

Yeah. And As recovering addicts, we typically tend to really love our steps, traditions, and sayings. Do you have a favorite mantra quote, or lyric that you like to live by?

J9: 15:28

I, I do. It's one that I tell people a lot is the way that you can get anywhere is to just start and don't stop. Just stop. And even when you want to stop just don't and then you'll get somewhere eventually.

Steve: 15:48

Yeah. That is good advice.

J9: 15:51

Yeah. I would say that. Yeah.

Steve: 15:53

Yeah. And can you share with the listeners how they can find more J nine if they want to follow you or, you know, discover your music?

J9: 16:01

Oh, definitely. Yeah, I'm all over social media. In fact, I, I connected with you on Instagram. So I'm at J nine groups, just the letter J number nine with the word grooves with us at the end. And you can use that same handle the frame me on Facebook, Twitter. Tik TOK. I also have a website which is Jeannine grooves.com and you can find basically my whole portfolio of, of music and videos up there. So,

Steve: 16:33

perfect. I'll be sure to link over that in the show notes. So listeners can click on over and find you.

J9: 16:38

Awesome.

Steve: 16:39

Thank you. Thank you so much for being on it with spindle.

J9: 16:44

Yes. Awesome. Take

Steve: 16:45

care. Yes. Thank you. And thank you listeners for listening to another episode of gay, please rate and review. If you found this information helpful, if you're interested in sharing your story, like J nine, getting involved with the show or just giving me some feedback or saying hi, I'm an email away at gay, a podcast@gmail.com and be sure to follow us wherever you're listening so you can get new episodes when they come out every Monday and Thursday. And until next time stay sober from.