Not Afraid ft. Eric #67

Steve welcomes Eric to share their experience, strength, and hope with you, along with how medicinal marijuana helps his sobriety, and his advice on getting and staying sober.

Follow Eric on Instagram @reinventingeric and follow us while you are at it @gAyApodcast.

Thank you for listening. Please rate and review if you have found this information helpful.

If you are interested in sharing your story, getting involved with the show, or just saying hi, please e-mail me at gayapodcast@gmail.com

Or Follow Us wherever you are listening so you can get new episodes when they come out every Monday and Thursday. Until that time, stay sober, friends!

Transcript

Steve: 0:03

Hi everyone. And welcome to gay a, a podcast about sobriety for the LGBT plus community and our allies. I'm your host, Steve Bennet-Martin. I am an alcoholic and I'm grateful for the support of my sponsor. As I navigate my eight step. As of this recording, I am 299 days sober, and we're about becoming a guest to share their experience, wisdom and hope with you. Welcome to the show.

Eric: 0:26

Hi, Steve. Thanks for having me. Thank you

Steve: 0:29

for being on. And why don't you start by introducing yourself with a little bit about who you are.

Eric: 0:34

So my name is Eric Kramer. I work in sales and marketing. This is my 255th day alcohol free. My pronouns are he him? I don't know what else do you want to know?

Steve: 0:48

Well, that covers the basics and congratulations. We got sober, like give or take within like a month of each other then if math works.

Eric: 0:55

Yeah. I was really close to each other. Cool.

Steve: 0:58

Well, why don't you, we gonna jump into the good stuff and tell us a little bit about what your journey with alcohol and addiction was like.

Eric: 1:06

So I never really drank in high school. Strange enough. It wasn't until I turned like 22, 23 and I came out and I discovered the gay bars that I really started drinking. I mean, it was just part of my identity for so long. That was the only place you go and hang out with other gay people, especially in a small town. You know, the gay bar was the place to be. So, I mean, that was when I really started drinking. I managed it pretty well for years. I never really gotten any legal trouble with it. I will, I did get a DUI when I was 26. But I'm 42 now. So that was quite some time ago. I've not gotten in any legal trouble from it. Just like over the pandemic, I started drinking so much and I'm sure I know a lot of people did the same thing over the pandemic. But it was just after we started going back to work, I was still drinking a half a bottle of vodka or a bottle of vodka every single night. I felt like shit every single day. And I think what really led me to get, to get sober. Was my two owners in my business. One of them is a recovering alcoholic and he's seven years sober. So when I started this job, I was still drinking whatever, but like through talking to him, like, he's the first person that I talked to that kind of made it sound like It wasn't a, a life sentence of boredom. If you gave up alcohol is my whole life revolved, revolved around alcohol. You know, like my friend group would go to bars. We run a youth or tournament every Thursday at a bar. I used to run karaoke at a bar. So like, I don't know for the longest time. The thought of you know, alcohol not being a part of my life just sounded like, you know, well, you might as well just kill me. I don't, I'm not going to have any fun if I, if I can't drink. But Rick my boss he, he was the first person that kind of made it sound like, you know, it, it isn't, it isn't a bad thing, you know? And I, I confided in him when I was four days sober. I decided to give it a shot getting sober. And then four days into that we had to take a trip to go visit one of our distributors or something, and it was a three hour drive. So I rode with him. And I kind of brought it up to him, you know, what's it like while blah, blah, you know, you know, Does it w you know, I just, I have so many questions and I don't know, he just kind of, he's seven years sober and he's a really chill person. So he kind of, you know, he gave me the, to me, that was kind of like an okay to, to say, yeah, maybe I should explore this. And so that's kind of where I am now. And I've been going through that for 255 days.

Steve: 4:14

Congratulations on that. And what would you, what would you say has changed in your life since getting sober?

Eric: 4:21

Oh my God. So much has so much has changed since I got sober. Like I have a lot more money. First of all alcohol is expensive, you know, even lying to myself when. We would say, oh, we'll just go buy a bottle and we'll stay at home and drink. That's just as expensive as going to a bar. So that's the first thing has changed. And I have goals now I've, I've lost lost about 70 pounds. So I was very overweight when I decided to quit drinking. When I was still drinking, I would like get out of breath, going up my stairs to go to my bedroom. And now I work out for at least an hour every day. So that's another thing that's changed. And I think that the biggest thing that changed is I think I have a lot more respect for myself and that comes across to other people when I talk to them.

Steve: 5:18

Yeah, I can definitely see and understand that. And congratulations on your fitness journey. I've been following you on Instagram for a while, and just seeing that transformation. So just been almost as inspiring as your sobriety is. They're both. Awesome.

Eric: 5:31

Thank you. I

Steve: 5:31

appreciate that. Yeah. And you had mentioned how you first really started like drinking when you came out. I mean, how would you say your sexuality played a role in your addiction?

Eric: 5:42

Well, I don't know. I, I, I'm not going to blame those. I don't want this to come off as like I'm blaming my parents for my alcohol. My dad had an alcohol problem, so I don't know if I would have gone down the same path, whether or not the bars were involved. So I don't want it to sound like I'm falling back on them. But I do think that I have, I have the gene or whatever, but yeah. But I would definitely say that it contributed a large portion to my, to my relationship with alcohol. You know, you go to a drag show at a bar, what are the drag Queens do? And buying a shot or somebody doing a toast to the entire bar here, let's do a shot. And then I don't know, it's the whole gay bar culture is just it's. It's all about alcohol and. Of course it contributed to it.

Steve: 6:41

Yeah. And I mean, flipping that around then, I know you were concerned about not being able to have fun in sobriety. I mean, what's been your relationship to the gay community now that you've gotten sober

Eric: 6:52

now that I have gotten sober You know, I'm I don't really go out to the bars anymore. My husband does still run our weekly Euchre tournament on Thursdays. He actually quit drinking with me too, which I thought was pretty cool. So that was something that was a big help with me you know, having the support at work and then coming home and having the support from my husband as well. Definitely helped me in my. Yeah.

Steve: 7:20

And I don't get the chance to talk to too many other like married, gay, sober people, or like people in our community that are married. I mean, what was that process? Like getting sober and a relationship, like I'm sure that there was, if it was anything like mine that was like damaged during the drinking, how was that like going, repairing it while you were getting sober?

Eric: 7:39

Well, I mean, that's, that's an ongoing process. I mean, we've been together for, it'll be 15 years in August this year. And yeah, over the course of 15 years, we've said mean things to each other and, you know things that When you're under the influence of alcohol, you might not think of the consequence that those words carry or the, the weight that those words carry and having to like re litigate some of that stuff. Not drunk. I mean, that's difficult, but I mean he and I our relationship it's definitely gotten a lot. Since we quit

Steve: 8:20

drinking. Excellent. Well, that's good to hear. Congratulations. On 15 years in, in, in our world, that's like four decades.

Eric: 8:27

It's a long time. Yeah. Are you married? Are you married?

Steve: 8:31

Yes, we have our six year anniversary tomorrow, actually from our wedding.

Eric: 8:36

Oh, well congratulations.

Steve: 8:38

Thank you, Ben. Together, like almost 10, but married six.

Eric: 8:42

Okay, congratulations. Thank you. Is a

Steve: 8:45

very lucky guy right back at you and yours. Now, w we found one another after multiple listeners wanted to hear the perspective of someone who is Kelly sober and for those unfamiliar, that's the term that's generally defined as someone who doesn't drink alcohol, but does smoke or use marijuana. Can you tell us a little bit more about the picture that that plays for you please?

Eric: 9:08

Kelly sober, whatever you call it. I don't, I dunno, the older I get, the more I hate labels. So I just, this is my version of sober alcohol. When you, when I, for me, at least when I would drink alcohol, I, I wouldn't say. Like I would run out of whatever I was drinking and I would dig through the liquor cabinet to find anything in there to drink. Or alcohol just takes me to a very dark place where I need to keep drinking it. And I don't know for me, marijuana doesn't do that. Where alcohol controlled me, I think I control. My use of the of marijuana a lot more. So that's, that's my biggest thing. I guess w what would you like to know? Well, just

Steve: 10:01

in general I mean, I know that you had mentioned that you, part of the reason why you use it as prescribed for pain.

Eric: 10:08

Yeah. I'm in Ohio. Where are you? Florida. Oh, okay. I love Florida. My husband's sister lives in Florida. So it's legal here in Ohio medicinally. And I've had my medical recommendation is what they call it here in Ohio for three years going on four years now. And I got it for sciatica is what my qualifying condition is what they call it here in the state of Ohio. I mean, That's what I got it for. I, I obviously it works sometimes for pain, but have you ever, have you used marijuana? Yes,

Steve: 10:46

I certainly have. I've shared a bit with us before, but this first time I'm really going into it. Like my first 30 days of sobriety, I was still using smoking marijuana like daily and regular. It wasn't, it was like a choice for me to stop that because like, while you're you're like you were able to kind of put it really well that like, while alcohol controlled you, you, you you're able to control the marijuana usage. I was not able to control either. So I was just smoking just eventually just to feel normal and you know, the amount that I was going through and not even really feeling or noticing that I was feeling anything. Like it was just something that like I chose to give up, but I definitely see, cause I work with seniors, like how helpful it is for so many different people who experience pain or nausea or other things that happen, you know, as we age or have health complications that you know, that's why I was interested in exploring this more because you know, you never really hear about. Alcohol helps people, but like people definitely see a lot of benefits for marijuana. And so just getting the perspective of someone who's seeing those and is able to, to kind of control it while living a sober lifestyle is think is just awesome for you.

Eric: 11:54

Well, thank you. And I mean, when I got it prescribed, I, I was having really bad back pain, but at the same time, I was 70 pounds heavier, very inactive drinking a lot, and just overall unhealthy. So as I'm losing weight, now I have less and less back pain. But the, you know, marijuana does help with the recovery from a tough workout too. So, I mean, you take a shower and take a couple puffs off of your vape after the workout. And Like, you're just chill for the rest of the evening. And that's how it works for me. I, don't why I'm not the type of person light up two blunts and let's just smoke them until they're gone. My neighbor across the street, that's her. But I don't like to be super high anyways, so I guess that's probably part of why it's easier for me to control it. My use.

Steve: 12:46

Yeah. And have you, you know, in the sobriety community, like everyone has thrown definitions and labels and things like that that, you know, I know you mentioned you hate, but have you ever experienced people judging your, your use?

Eric: 12:59

Not to my face. That doesn't mean that they don't. So you know, Rick who, my boss that has been my biggest inspiration. To see how long you just keep, keep going forward. Being sober. My biggest inspiration by far, like he knows that I still smoke weed. He sees that I am responsible when I use it. Like I don't go into work high. I don't smoke at work. I mean, and he's, he's cool with it. He's never said one bad thing about it. My sobriety looks different than his sobriety. And I think sobriety in general, isn't like a one, one size fits all solution. Like you said, you, you have trouble controlling your use of marijuana. Yeah. I was doing

Steve: 13:49

it at work. I was doing it while I was driving. I did it when I woke up pretty much like every, at least five to 10 minutes until I went to bed.

Eric: 13:58

Yeah. Yeah. And see, so your, your sobriety looks a lot different than mine. I guess, I guess on the end, it's like, when should you stop using it? Maybe you know, if it's interfering with your everyday, if it's not better in you, like.

Steve: 14:15

Yeah. And, and that's what that's why I chose after I got sober to say, you know, stop the marijuana is I realized that it like it, like you had mentioned earlier, like it was controlling me. Like it's not even that I needed it anymore. It was just something that I was just doing. And, you know, I've, it helped me, I would say definitely that first 30 months of getting sober, you know, I, if I tried to change both of them at one site, I think my head might've exploded.

Eric: 14:41

But, oh my gosh. Yeah, I can imagine.

Steve: 14:44

So. Yeah, so it was, it was definitely something that they like to taper off, but yeah, as I'm approaching my 10 months of you know, sober, sober, like, cause alcohol was the one that was destroying my life. Like marijuana, like never got me into trouble. I never had any fights about it. My husband was like, Behave. Like he was worried when I stopped. He's like, I don't know who you're going to be if you're not doing that, because that levels you out and like keeps you cool. So you know, obviously I'm okay now without it, but it was just such a part of my life during that time to help with that transition that I think, you know, like I said, I see the benefits for everyone else. I just didn't want something that was controlling.

Eric: 15:19

Yeah, completely. And, and that first, like that first, like 30 days quitting is that was so hard. Like I would, I started my blog when I first got sober because I needed something to distract myself from thinking, oh my God, I want to drink. Oh my God, I wanna drink, oh my God, I want to drink. So I needed to do something. So I would come home after work in the evenings, smokable. And I would just like write out very detailed what happened that day and find things that were good, that happened that day and positive things that have happened that day. And I would just put them out. Type it out. I don't know why. I don't know if anyone wants to read it. I don't even know if anyone really reads it, but it helped me immensely just to like, get those thoughts and feelings of God. I want a drink. I need a drink. What am I doing with my life? That type of stuff. Just getting it out of my head and onto the blog was it was very helpful in the first couple of weeks.

Steve: 16:26

I can imagine. I mean, reflecting back at that time if for, when you give advice to people who are sober, curious, or newly sober, what would that advice be?

Eric: 16:36

If you're, if you're curious to do it, what do you have to lose? What do you have to lose? So you met you, you quit drinking for a week. You don't like it. Go back to drinking. I mean, you have not, you have absolutely nothing. Yeah,

Steve: 16:51

I, I agree. I've never heard of someone who, who regretted getting sober

Eric: 16:57

or trying. No. And, and I mean, Rick is, I mean, he's my like sober role model, I guess. Cause I've mentioned him a million times during this podcast. I mean, I completely lost my train of, but there was my, the marijuana kicking. What were, what was the, what were we talking about just

Steve: 17:20

before that? Just giving advice to people who are nearly sober and just, you know, just giving it a chance, like people don't regret trying to get sober, even if they end up like eventually learning how to control their drinking, like sure. Someone could do that. I know I'm not that type of person. But you know, no one's ever regretted time spent sober in my experience.

Eric: 17:39

Yeah. And this is what I was getting to with, with my mentor. Is that every day. Like, if you, every day, if you're your goal to get sober is obviously the better yourself. If you wake up every day and say, what can I do today to be just a little bit better than I was yesterday? Those things tend to like snowball. And if you think some, if you think life is good after 30 days or so. Get to 255 days sober. Cause that's all I can speak to is lots of where I am right now, but it's just been, it's been like a snowball of like little accomplishments, turning into big accomplishments and turning into me doing things I never thought I could do. Like I do an hour of cardio every single day now. And I got winded walking up my stairs nine months ago. So I mean, every day just keeps getting better.

Steve: 18:38

That's amazing. And you know, in the recovery world, we typically love our steps, traditions, or sayings. Do you have a favorite mantra or quote that you like to try and live by?

Eric: 18:49

So I couldn't narrow it down to just one quote, narrowed down to. Every morning when I get in my truck to go to work, I play the song, not afraid by M and M. And that song just I don't know, it just speaks to me it like it's about his struggle to get clean and get sober and doing it for himself. And it just like, it fits very well with my motivation to get sober and, and better myself. Come out stronger than I was before.

Steve: 19:25

Yeah. And did you say you had another one as well?

Eric: 19:30

Another, another one. There's a line in the song. Live your life by TEI and Rihanna. Where Tia says stop looking at what you ain't got and start being thankful for what you do. God, I love that.

Steve: 19:46

Yeah, I, that's definitely a good mantra as well. Now, if the listeners are interested in following your journey, I know you are recovering out loud, as well as showing your fitness journey on Instagram. Would you like to share your, your app?

Eric: 20:00

Yeah, sure. It's at reinventing Eric and that's the name of my blog as well. I named it that because when I decided to get sober, I was completely disgusted with the person. I had become, and I wanted to reinvent myself like, like Madonna.

Steve: 20:19

Perfect. Yes. Well, well, I'll make sure the link over not only the ad you're at, but also the link over to your blog in the show notes so that people can go on over and find you. Awesome. Thanks, Steve. Thank you so much for being on Erik. And thank you listeners for listening to another episode of Gaye and please rate and review. If you found this information helpful, your reviews are what help other people who need to hear the podcast find us easier. Also if you're interested in sharing your story, like Eric here, getting involved with the show or just saying, hi, email me@gaypodcastatgmail.com and make sure you're following us wherever you're listening. So you can get new episodes when they can come out every Monday and Thursday. And until next time stay sober from.