Don't Take Yourself So Seriously ft. Jimmy A #159

Steve welcomes Jimmy to share his experience, strength, and hope while they discuss living sober in the queer community.

Thank you for listening. Please join our Patreon family for the post-show, along with more exclusive content at www.Patreon.com/gAyApodcast

Find Jimmy on Instagram @himynameisrecovery and @ sobrietykween (and @jimmyarmstrongrealestate) and us while you are at it  @gAyApodcast.

You can also check out his podcast, Hi, My Name is Recovery, wherever you find us!

If you are interested in sharing your story, getting involved with the show, or just saying hi, please e-mail me at gayapodcast@gmail.com 

Transcript

Steve: 0:03

Hi everyone, and welcome to Gay A, a podcast about sobriety for the LGBT plus community and our allies. I'm your host, Steve Bennet- Martin. I am an alcoholic and addict, and I am grateful for the humidity in Florida finally breaking. As of this recording, I am 848 days sober and today we're welcoming a guest to share their experience, wisdom, and hope with you. Jimmy is a dear friend and fellow of mine who I spend an hour with almost nightly, and I can't wait for you to get to know him better. Welcome, Jimmy.

Jimmy: 0:32

Welcome. I don't need to welcome you to your own show. Thank you for having me. I'm really happy to be here. Yes, well, you are

Steve: 0:38

used to welcoming people to your own show, so I can see how that would happen. How do you introduce yourself?

Jimmy: 0:44

My name is Jimmy. I'm a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, and I've been sober for just under four years. Excellent. I mean, that's, in this context, that's how I introduced myself, not if I'm just walking down the street.

Steve: 0:58

Well, hopefully not. I know that when I, when I first got sober, I overshared everything and like I would tell anyone walking down the street, but I've learned a little bit better now.

Jimmy: 1:07

Yeah. What was an exciting time? Yeah. What

Steve: 1:09

would you say is your favorite part of being sober today?

Jimmy: 1:13

Well, I don't know. My favorite part of being sober today in this moment. Is just sort of how big life has gotten and continues to get, despite taking small actions. Yeah,

Steve: 1:28

it definitely gets bigger the more we're sober, it seems. Yeah,

Jimmy: 1:34

And it's almost like, I can have an idea of things that I want to do, but the way that, sobriety in my program works is that, things just unfold in ways that I couldn't have even imagined. And it's. Cool and exciting and new for sure.

Steve: 1:52

Yeah, and we also met through a very queer meeting. What would you say is your favorite part of being gay or part of the queer community today?

Jimmy: 2:02

Favorite part of being gay or part of the queer community? I don't really know. That's actually kind of a hard question for me. I kind of felt, determinedly unique, as many of us do for a while. So, even though, I attend queer meetings and love being a queer person, I still have, some kind of weird separation thing that I deal with, not feeling a part of completely.

Steve: 2:29

Yeah, I think that's something that we all struggle with at times.

Jimmy: 2:33

Yeah. And so That wasn't really an answer. I love being gay. Yeah.

Steve: 2:37

Well, we will dive more into the history of where that might have come from now. Why don't you share a little bit about what your journey with alcohol and addiction was like?

Jimmy: 2:46

Well It was a long journey. I'm from a family of alcoholics and addicts. My parents, they met in rooms that they didn't stay in they went a different direction, like a religious. I mean, it was a cult essentially, I'll try to sugar coat it sometimes, but not saying that, but that's. The environment that I was brought up in, I mean, I'm not going to do the full on qualification, but it was not a great environment to grow up in. And so I was introduced to drugs and alcohol pretty early on in my life, like my early teens and immediately I just got that thing that people talk about, like, that sense of relief and just feeling comfortable in my body for the 1st time and I could socialize with other people and I loved it and I just rode that wave as long as I could. I started like 18 years old started working in nightclubs and bars and restaurants and I really just set up an entire life around alcohol and partying. It was a lot of fun, but also I had some pretty serious consequences. And they started. Early on like, things were happening to me that weren't happening to other people that I was with, like injuries and getting into fights and stuff. And, just progressively over time, it got more and more serious. I mean, I sort of knew that there was a problem from a really young age. I knew it because,, I felt it inside also, other people were telling me that they thought there was a problem. I'll just keep going on and on, so feel free to, like, jump in or stop me at any point. Yeah,

Steve: 4:37

I mean, for a while, for many of us, it's fun, and then it's fun with consequences, but, when would you say it shifted to, becoming a problem that you were handling rather than something that you were seeking?

Jimmy: 4:49

Well, I would say that it, it got problematic pretty fast but I just kept at it. For a while, I first realized that, I needed help and I couldn't manage this on my own when I was 23. And that was the 1st time that I attended an outpatient program, but I didn't stop drinking or using at that point. It took me. 15 more years of going in and out, in and out. But I would say never all the way in. Just sort of like going through the motions, like showing two different things. This almost four years of sobriety that I have now is the longest that I've ever been sober and the most like committed and dedicated that I've ever been. sobriety is like my whole life right now, basically. And to people who, that isn't the case for them, that could sound daunting, or weird, but it's so hard to explain unless you're doing it, it's such an amazing, wonderful way to live, and life is full of so many wonderful rewards.

Steve: 5:53

Yeah, and it might be difficult to kind of summarize what the 15 years of experience has like, led to, but what changed? Either in your head or like around you four years ago where it is different now and you are fully committed.

Jimmy: 6:07

Yeah. Well, I can summarize those 15 years like the consequences started like normal thing, well, not normal, but I mean for like s like DUIs and injuries and hospitalizations and this point there's like psychiatric hospitalizations. And then it just got worse and worse and worse, and the bottom kept getting lower and lower and lower. And the last 5 years of my use, I really sort of switched over more to drugs than alcohol. And then that was a complete game changer too, because that was like a physical dependency where at a certain point, I would do anything to make sure that I had drugs, including commit crimes. I mean, I spent some time in jail. I did things that Really, I never thought in my life so about almost 4 years. My sobriety date is January 19th, 2020. So I guess it's like 3 years and 3 quarters, but it's counting. I didn't mean to get sober, to be honest, I think I'm like an accidental sober person and things were really, really bad. And I came in on a suicide attempt. My intention was, to end my life and I spent 47 days in the hospital coming in five days in the ICU, three weeks in the psychiatric unit, and then three weeks in rehab. And something shifted during that time, I gained the tiniest little bit of willingness to try to, fight for my life, and that's really what brought me in.

Steve: 7:49

Excellent. And what tools or resources did you use in that early recovery to help you stay sober and get through it once you were out in the real world?

Jimmy: 8:00

Well, it was an interesting time because when I came out, it was a month before we went into lockdown for the pandemic. So I was right away in an outpatient program. I knew that that wasn't where I was going to get my sobriety from. I could tell that, like, I was just going into these spaces and like, Whatever, just passing the time. It wasn't the same thing that was happening when I was going to meetings, 12 step meetings. So I just decided to dedicate my time to 12 step meetings. In that month, I got a sponsor and I just started working the steps. For me, going into lockdown, COVID was super, super helpful. I say, it took the world shutting down for me to get sober. And,, I don't know if I'll ever have the opportunity again, so I should probably just stay sober knock on wood. Hopefully we don't ever have that. But the tools that I use then are the same ones that I use now. And I hear from people that have long term sobriety is that you build your foundation in your 1st year, or even your 1st, 6 months and then Nothing really changes. I still do the same thing. My routine is super important to me. Yeah,

Steve: 9:13

I know you did a whole episode on your podcast about routines and how important they are. What would you say is your favorite part of your

Jimmy: 9:21

routine? I think you make your bed now because of that, right?

Steve: 9:26

Sometimes. I felt judged that I don't make my bed. So occasionally, normally it's before sexy time, I'll make the bed to show that I'm making an effort.

Jimmy: 9:35

Okay, good. You're prospecting your sexy time. I like that.

Steve: 9:39

Yeah. What are some of your favorite parts of your routine? Maybe ones that like you never thought you would do before you got sober.

Jimmy: 9:47

I never thought I would pray because coming from the religious dramatic upbringing that I did. The idea of prayer, I was like, give me a break. I know the mistake. I know it doesn't work. I say the same prayer every single morning and it's like, in some ways it's mechanical, but I don't care. Like, it was just suggested to me. So, okay. That's not my favorite thing that I do. That's something that surprises me that I do. I was into meditation before, but never like to the extent that I am now I would try to meditate like super hungover or like even on drugs or alcohol and like, it wasn't a nice attempt at trying to do it, but it definitely wasn't the same as the meditation. This that I have now honestly. I love the gratitude practice though, which I do every day and it's very connecting to me because I share it with a number of other people and then they share theirs with me too. And so that's part of my morning routine and I feel so connected to other sober people that way. That might be my favorite part of my routine.

Steve: 11:02

Excellent. And any advice for people struggling with their day to day recovery?

Jimmy: 11:08

Well, okay, if you're sober and you're struggling with your day to day recovery, I mean, I'm not an expert on anything, but for me, it's normal. we still struggle. Life is still hard. Sometimes we have tools, there's so many tools available to us now, which work and,, I don't know why, but my 1st response is to not want to do the thing that is going to help me. I never want to do the obvious thing and I forget all the time what the obvious thing or the thing that we hear almost daily to do for whatever the situation is. So if you're in sobriety and you're struggling,, do the things that we hear constantly and if you're not sober and you're struggling and you want to be sober, keep trying, you know, if it took me 15 years. It can, it can happen.

Steve: 12:02

Yeah, it certainly can. And you also are half of the creative team behind a podcast, Hi My Name Is. What inspired you to start podcasting about your recovery?

Jimmy: 12:16

I am and I love doing it. I did a podcast with my friend, Chani Lisbon. Inspired that was, she had a podcast before this that I was one of her first guests on. And when she asked me to be a guest, I said, yes, right away, and I've never done anything like that. And she was actually really surprised because she thought I was going to say no. And this was like a bit of a production. It was like in a studio with like a camera crew and it was like kind of an ordeal. I said yes right away and I went and I did it and I can remember on my way there. There's this feeling that I used to get before I'd go out and have like a super heavy night on the town when I was active. And there was like butterflies in my stomach, like excitement, like anything can happen. I don't know. This is like something could be like an amazing night. I mean, it never ended up as amazing. Anyway, before going to do that podcast, that was the first time that I had had that feeling in sobriety and I was like, pay attention to that, it means something. Like I felt really, really excited to go do this thing. So I did that with her. And then that planted the seed in my head about like possibly wanting to do something on my own. For whatever reason, her podcast didn't work out. I really like started putting things in motion to start my own. When she told me that hers wasn't going to be panning out and I was like, well, do you want to do some things together? And so we just like, started that journey. I think we play off of each other pretty well because we're very different people. Like, I'm a pretty, like, calm and whatever, like, this, you can hear how I am. And she's like, a bit more of a, a spitfire. She's been sober for 16 years. She's a stand up comedian in New York City. Yeah. So it's just fun the idea behind it was like sobriety can feel kind of uptight sometimes, like kind of tense, and I'm always looking for ways to laugh more and have more fun in sobriety. So we wanted to start something that had a message and could be helpful but didn't take itself too seriously at all. Yeah. So that's.

Steve: 14:31

And how has that changed or affected your recovery? Having it

Jimmy: 14:35

out now? Well, it's funny. I put these safeguards in place sometimes for my recovery without even realizing that I'm doing it. I started a recovery podcast. So then I had a moment where I was like, I guess I have to stay sober now, right? Otherwise, I won't be able to do this podcast anymore. it's one of the things that, okay, you have to stay sober, you have a sober podcast. It makes me feel way more connected to other sober people too. And also non sober people. We started this thing in my living room and we recorded a whole bunch of them before we even put them out. And it was just kind of like, This thing that we did in my living room, I didn't really think of it as I didn't really think about what it would be like after it went well, and maybe you can relate to this. Also, once I put it out and people started responding to it, and we get like, messages and people, you know, send us DMs on Instagram, just about how our stories and things that we shared are either helping them or making them laugh, or they can relate to certain things. It's such an amazing feeling, like it just feels super connecting and it's really fun.

Steve: 15:47

Yeah, I can certainly relate. I know that it's been a rewarding experience getting to know the guests and people that I might not have met just through my normal programs and social groups, but also if I get like a ping on my Instagram and it's like a direct message from someone about the podcast, like I just know it's going to make my day. So I was surprised at first that it was helping other people because I was like, if I can help one person, it's great. But I'm like, it helps more than one person. That's awesome. I

Jimmy: 16:11

mean, honestly, I did also have some sort of a self motivation. I was going through a really challenging time work. I spent the entire past year, just putting my whole life into my job and I wouldn't say that I, Put my sobriety on the back burner, but I definitely wasn't going as hard as I had been going the year before that something sort of fell apart at work, and I was floored I was shattered and I didn't realize that a job could have that big of an impact on me. So when that was all happening, I was like, alright, in meditation the answer came to me like, you need more balance, you need to figure out something else. So I was like, okay, you need like a creative outlet. And so the idea also came from that.

Steve: 16:59

Excellent. And what would you say are one or two personal things you're looking forward to or working on? My

Jimmy: 17:07

two personal things I'm looking forward to well actually I'm excited to see. What we can do with this podcast if there's a way that we can, sort of incorporate it into her comedy world. I mean, we've thrown around the idea of, doing live shows and, taking it on a tour or something. Maybe, she does a comedy show. I don't know. We're still sort of working that out. But I'm excited to see what we can do with that. getting more effort and more energy into that. Making them bigger and reaching more people and so that's exciting. He said 2 things. Another thing. Well, I mean, my career also, but since I've gotten sober, it's. It continues to get bigger and bigger. I work in real estate as my paid work. I get to work with a lot of sober people, which is really cool. Yeah, I'm excited to just keep building that. Very cool.

Steve: 18:07

And we all have our favorite sayings, whether it be from literature or music or wherever, but do you have any lyrics or quotes you love to live by?

Jimmy: 18:17

I really like the quote, time is not a tool, because whenever Funnie talks about having 16 years, I like to remind her that time is not a tool. Just kidding, that's a dig at her. I don't know that I necessarily have like a favorite one, but I will say that they are super effective because we hear them and it's like in a cringe sometimes, but when you need to be reminded of them and they pop into your head, and someone when you're in the thick of it, and someone says to you, like, easy, does it, and you're like, okay, I can just take it easy right now for a minute, and it hits that A certain way. And you're like, okay, these are here for a reason. Yeah. Yeah,

Steve: 19:03

they are. All right. And any final drops of wisdom for people listening?

Jimmy: 19:09

Wisdom? Don't take yourself so seriously. Have fun in your sobriety. Stay connected to your community. There's a lot of really, really wonderful people out there that want to help and that you can help. If you have two days of sobriety, you can help somebody with one day of sobriety. Stay out of your head, and stay in your heart. I just said that the other day, and I love that. I love that too.

Steve: 19:41

Excellent. And how can listeners find you and your podcast?

Jimmy: 19:47

They can find us on Instagram. our page is HiMyNameIsRecovery, and our podcast is on all major streaming platforms. We're on Spotify. You can watch us. We're on Apple Podcasts on Apple. The name of the podcast is HiMyNameIs, so you can look that up on Apple. On Spotify, you have to put in HiMyNameIsRecovery, because it's I mean, Amos was already taken, so it's a little confusing, but you can watch us on Spotify. We have video episodes and we release a new one every Thursday. Excellent.

Steve: 20:22

And I can certainly relate to Spotify and like Apple with the searches being funny, because I didn't realize that having the podcast title Gay A also means that like, it will flip and show anything that has a gay in like the podcast or the sub description. So that's why I have the little quotes after now.

Jimmy: 20:39

That could be interesting. I feel like that could, like, lead people to, like, Pornhub or something. I don't know.

Steve: 20:45

One day. Maybe. Or probably. Maybe it's already happened. I don't know. While you're following Jimmy, you can follow us and let me know if searching for us has led you to porn by following us at Gay A Podcast. For more time with Jimmy and I, head on over to our Gay A Podcast Patreon page where we'll spin the post show topic wheel. Follow us wherever you're listening so you can get new episodes when they come out every Thursday. And if you have a friend or fellow who might enjoy listening, tell them about it. And until next time, stay sober, friends. Thanks, Jimmy.

Jimmy: 21:16

Thanks for having me.