Managing Your Career in Sobriety ft. Elsa #163

Steve welcomes back Elsa to discuss navigating your career in recovery, along with our favorite parts of being queer and sober today!

Topics discussed include:

• What it was like for Elsa working in the alcohol industry while getting sober.
• How career changes can impact your recovery.
• The formula for having a 'good day' at work.
• How to cope with having a 'bad day' at work.
• How do you plan ahead in your life while also living one day at a time?
• Steve finally breaks his silence on the NA debate as Elsa and Steve talk about non-alcoholic 'spirits'
• And much more!

Follow Elsa @elsasolorapp on IG and Tik-Tok, and follow us while you are at it @gayapodcast. Head on over to the Patreon page to hear Elsa and Steve talk about Sexuality in sobriety!

Transcript

Steve: 0:03

Hi everyone, and welcome to Gay A, a podcast about sobriety for the LGBTQ plus community and our allies. I'm your host, Steve Bennett Martin. I'm an alcoholic and addict, and I am grateful for my sponsee. As of this recording, I am 887 days sober, and today we're welcoming back a dear friend of mine to catch us up on her last two years of recovery while discussing handling career struggles as well. Welcome back, Elsa.

Elsa: 0:28

Hi, Steve. Thank you for having me.

Steve: 0:31

It's always a pleasure. And I love seeing you so regularly outside of the podcast. So it's good to have you back on because the last time you were here, it was December of 2021. So almost two years ago, what's been new? I was

Elsa: 0:45

going to ask you that was quite a while ago and, you know, as I mean, as you know, the first year of sobriety, especially the first six months of sobriety. Wow. But what's new? I am one day at a time. I am just overall being grateful as we speak due to just being able to go through a green card process, working with alcohol, trekking along and very grateful to be able to do it sober.

Steve: 1:13

Excellent. So, well, that's your favorite part of being sober today. What would you say is your favorite part of being queer today? Well,

Elsa: 1:22

I mean, looking at the world and how everything is going in this country set that aside. I, I love being queer because it is who I am and I get to express a part of me that is just me and I think it's beautiful that I get to be I get to be queer and sober. I think that my sponsor said that early in my sobriety, I think it was the first time when I was sick, I was, you know, fever and all those things and, and, and she was like, Isn't it beautiful to be sober that you get to be sick, but not hungover and you know, we get to do all these things and experience them sober.

Steve: 2:02

Yeah, for sure. I know that being sick, like the first time sober was almost hard for me because it reminded me like so much like, cause I had like flu like symptoms and it felt so much like hangover that. It was not fun, but speaking of not fun things, you work in the alcohol industry. So what was, what was that like, especially like getting sober and still being around alcohol constantly? Ooh,

Elsa: 2:27

I feel like I, I mean, I love talking about this and I, Often leave it out of meetings due to respect for newcomers, as I do participate in quite a lot of newcomer meetings. So just to not, you know, be triggering or anything, I don't know, being just mindful of it, but I'll say it was hard, hard, hard as fuck the first six months. And I, just a little bit of a background. I've worked with alcohol my entire life. I have, I started bartending well before my disease progressed. You know, I believe that I was. Always an alcoholic. It was just a matter of time. And so, you know, I, I could've worked in any industry. I, I'm still an alcoholic, but I worked with, the last couple of years I've worked with education and I've worked towards more selling alcohol to bars and restaurants. But I'll say this, it was hard, Steve, I. I didn't think I could make it. Not so much that I wanted to drink. More that, am I really supposed to do this? Is this really what I want to do? Maybe other people have that too in their professions working through the first months of sobriety. But I, I wanted to quit. I thought that how can I do this? I can't even. You know, how can I talk about this while not, you know, being able to consume it? You know, it's like selling cars and not being able to drive.

Steve: 3:54

Yeah. I mean, I can, that must've been so difficult. I know that I, within my first six months of recovery realized that sales, as much as I was successful at it was not the healthiest for my mental health because I, you know, really need to feel valued and appreciated and like that. What I'm doing is helping people and it's not great being in an industry where naturally every month you're told, well, you could have done better. And let's. Increase your goals, which has led to this rollercoaster that wasn't healthy. So like I did eventually transition out of sales, but like, what did, what made you finally realize I'm going to stick it through or like, I'm going to stay in this industry. Well,

Elsa: 4:33

first I want to say, I'm glad you got out of it. Good for you. I am so happy and I know that you're feeling so much better. So that's really inspiring to hear, but I think that, I think, first of all, I, I worked the steps. I. I take, I work my program very seriously. Not that anyone else does it, but I've realized that there's a lot of tools here I can use, or first of all, I can use, you know, acceptance, almost like radical acceptance. Like, it doesn't matter. I will always be an alcoholic, no matter what profession I'm working in. Number two is that I have to take it one day at a time. I can quit no matter what. I don't have to do this. I can't leave tomorrow. But number two, number three is I started being honest with my co workers and because I actually like them, like they're wonderful people. And I started opening my eyes and my industry that a lot of people. in my industry because I don't actively work behind the bar anymore, but a lot of people are choosing to drink less. And which is kind of, you know, controversial saying that, that I do work with alcohol sales, but I started being open with my colleagues and they were so understanding and so supportive and like whatever you need. And, I don't have to drink to be able to do my job. Also, my job is not just about, you know, alcohol is not just about getting drunk. For regular people, nor me, you know, some people actually drink because they like it, and, you know, a glass is enough,

Steve: 5:56

which is not true for me. Blows my mind. Blows my mind. Blows my mind! Yes, I have read that those people exist out in the wild. Yeah, and

Elsa: 6:04

I had to focus on the part that I do like about it, and I just want to, you know, Disclose that I'm not romanticizing working with alcohol or anything. This is a very much me. I'm not giving advice to anyone who's working with alcohol. I'm always open for fellowship and service. And if you have any questions, you know, but this is what worked for me. And I had to focus on the things that I do love about it. You know, the history, the chemistry around it, the different cultures from different countries. And once I started focusing on that and that I love working with people. It kind of worked out. And again, one day

Steve: 6:38

at a time. Yeah. I mean, certainly one day at a time makes a lot of things more bearable. But you know, speaking of good days, then what would you say makes a good day at work for you?

Elsa: 6:50

Oh God, that depends, but I would say a good day. You know, my ideal day is I get to take care of all my. Sobriety in the morning. I mean, it works 24 hours at a time, but I get to like go to my meeting. I get to reach out to fellow sponsors. I get to talk to my sponsor, but I also get to be honest with myself. How am I feeling today? And I. Hopefully I'm feeling good, and then I get to go out in the beautiful city of New York. Maybe I'm in Brooklyn, maybe I'm in Manhattan, and I get to interact with people that run bars and restaurants, and I get to help them create bar programs, including non alcoholic cocktails. And I get to help them pick and choose what's good for them, and I get to make them money, which is what I do. So, that's a good day, and I get to be home. for my favorite meeting in the evening, and I get to hang out with my dog and I get to eat good food and drink lots of water.

Steve: 7:48

That sounds like a great day. And especially, I went out to a restaurant recently where they had non alcoholic tequila and like non alcoholic vodka, but they were, I didn't like Google and research, but my husband got in, like, I had a little sip and like, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I was worried that it would sting because like the sting was what I. I like the most when I drank. Yeah. Like, and it didn't have that. It just tasted, I guess it was botanical. So it's like flowery stuff. But like, where do you stand on that? Or like how, how have you, what have your experiences been like with non alcoholic alcohol related things? Yeah.

Elsa: 8:22

Oh God, Steve. I love to discuss this. I, so first of all, I think that everything is unique, whatever you need to do. As I said earlier, I'm not giving advice to anyone. I'm just You know, sharing my experience, but I was very, when I got sober, a lot of people say, you know, like non alcoholic wines are for non alcoholics and I was like, okay, I spoke to my sponsor and I will always say that, Hey, talk to your sponsor. And she said, you know, you can, it's not alcohol in it, but she said. Ask yourself why you're drinking it. Are you drinking it because you actually enjoy the flavor of beer, or you know, the flavor of this and the flavor of that? Or are you drinking it because it reminds you of a feeling, you know, as in we can be agitated when we drink or we'd be happy, or a celebration, you know, are you substituting it and like, how are you drinking it? How fast are you drinking it? So I actually took a break. I didn't drink any non-alcoholic beers or spirits or wines or anything. Probably my first year of sobriety. However, we're seeing a trend, and you know, this is the industry that I work in, and we're seeing a trend, especially with Gen C. They're drinking less. We're seeing a trend of even Millennials and Gen X. They are also choosing to maybe have a non alcoholic cocktail every other drink instead of just doing alcoholic cocktails. And, With these non alcoholic spirits, you, you actually said it there, botanicals, a lot of these natural botanicals, they have a bitterness to them, which can create this little like sting or whatever. So, listen, I, the spirits industry is changing. We're seeing that non alcoholic beverages in general, especially non alcoholic spirits. Are rising so fast. I really sound like a salesperson right now or like a market manager or something, but it is what I do. And we're seeing a rise in that and all my industry, all I can do is embrace it. I think it's beautiful that people are, no matter if you're sober curious, or if you're a full fucking alcoholic like me, if you're curious what other alternative tastes like, except for like Coca Cola or Red Bull or whatever, I think it's a beautiful, beautiful thing that those options exist.

Steve: 10:35

Yeah. I agree. I mean, especially because I don't keep even like non alcoholic drinks, like non alcoholic beers and stuff at home, but I know that I've been out, especially when I was doing more of the sales and marketing events where I'm a water stuff. Like I know as alcoholics like love our seltzers, but I don't like, I don't like just like spring water. I like like the purified water or like, I like my aquafina or Dasani and if I go to an event and it doesn't have that, the number of times they've only had like. Beer, wine, or like a non alcoholic beer, like, and there have also been times where I don't want to add a networking event and explain to everyone why I'm having water when everyone else is having beer, and having that beer that's non alcoholic in my hand, like, eliminate those questions, but like, never once was I like, I'm gonna drink six of these like I would've had it been alcohol, so I think like, if I was, I would be worried for me if I started, like, drinking the non alcoholic stuff alcoholically. Like, if I would get a six pack on my way home from work and that would be what I drank all night, would be a problem for me, personally. I mean, I know it's different for everyone. Yeah, I know.

Elsa: 11:34

I, I 100 percent agree. And that's what I asked myself, too, when I got sober and I started talking to my sponsor. And it's like, when you start drinking it like you would alcoholically, then, again, why are you drinking it? What's the reason? And, but there's also like a technical, technical thing around it, which is interesting. Yes, you can filter out the alcohol, but hey, listen, we're all alcoholics, but we work our programs differently. So whatever, whatever works for you, that's always what I say. You know, if you feel, if you're questioning it, no, talk to someone about it. And I think it's good alternative because there are non alcoholics out there that do enjoy. Non alcoholic beverages, too, which is, again, hard for

Steve: 12:17

us to understand. Hard for us to understand. But yes, no, I'll take it. And it's great. And speaking of, you know, oftentimes the reason why we do things alcoholically is because we're trying to escape from a bad day. What does a bad day look like for you at work now? Oh, wow.

Elsa: 12:32

I mean, I live in New York city and I drive sometimes. So a bad city, a bad day in the city is when I, so I live on Staten Island, which is, I say, one of the boroughs and I'm doing these little. Error quotations or whatever you call them, because a lot of people don't think it should be a borough. However, it's really good for my sobriety to be here. So I drive sometimes and then sometimes I'm like, Oh, should I drive to Brooklyn or should I just take the train? And then I'm like, no, I'm going to drive. And then I ended up sitting in the car for two hours when I could have just taken the train. I'm not saying it's a bad day. Again, I turned to gratitude. I get to drive. I couldn't do that when I was drinking, but I would say a bad day is shitty commute. It is just like non successful or doesn't even mean non successful, but just in general, not so nice people you deal with.

Steve: 13:19

Yeah, I remember that from sales where it's one thing if you like, yeah, in the sale, but it's another if the person was not also nice the entire time. Yeah, and I don't

Elsa: 13:27

even do direct sales. I support the sales team with spirits knowledge because they sell both spirits and wine. So I don't even, I don't even work off of commission. So I'm like, Oh my God, they're bad days. But I would say that's a bad day. And you know, a bad day is always when your boss is telling you something that you don't want to hear or that some numbers are not good. I mean, I'm sure. You can relate, but I still choose to not drink about it because if I can get through a bad day sober, that's a good day.

Steve: 13:55

It certainly is. And one thing that I learned especially recently as I'm like having a lot of transitions with my work stuff has been how useful a lot of the things that I learned when I got sober of like ways to not drink have also just because I haven't with the stress at work wanted to drink recently, even on my bad days, I don't want to escape into a bottle or escape into a drug like There are days where I just want to escape into a video game or like a little bit but like I'm moderated or like do like I give myself an hour to escape before going back to reality and being productive for the night. But a lot of the ways that I cope during the day are like the same tools of the program like taking a break and taking a walk and calling a fellow like what tips do you use that work both not only to help keep you sober but help keep you go through those bad days.

Elsa: 14:42

I do the same as you do. Honestly, I call a fellow I make sure to stay hydrated. I make sure that I eat something. And I take a break. I walk my dog. I work from home when I'm doing like admin stuff. And it could also be, I don't know, going on TikTok. Going on like sober TikTok is incredible. I just go there and watch some sober people share some knowledge and I get thrown back into like, things are going to be okay as long as I stay sober. Which, but I think the breaks and again, halt, like we talked about it before. I think halt is so important. And also have like an understanding environment. I was going to ask you about your industry. You mentioned before you worked with sales that, you know, this drinking after work, do you feel a pressure where you work

Steve: 15:31

now? Right now, working in the business office, I don't like, we all have our own separate lives. Like we only talk with work related like, and that's, I think I've worked in buildings where the personal and professional mix a lot more, but for whatever reason, the location that I've been in the past year has always been like. We all clock in, we do our work, and then we clock out and we go home. So there's never any like after hours, happy hours, even the events. We've attracted a lot of the seniors that I work with. I worked at communities as well where the residents drank like fish and they wouldn't move in if you had to like pay for your wine at dinner. It had to be included because they knew that they were going to get their money's worth with that deal. Like, but this community, so many of our residents don't even drink that well even when we have events. We are like, the activities person will be like, Oh, do you want like a special cocktail for Halloween? And the resident's like, No, we just want orange soda. And so, it's nice like not, like I don't have alcohol around me at work, and no one really wants to hang out with me after work to drink, and that's fine because I don't really want to hang out with them. Any of them either. Isn't that,

Elsa: 16:30

isn't that amazing when you're just like, oh my god, I just don't want to do it. I'm so happy to just go home, go home and, you know, do other things that I find meaningful.

Steve: 16:39

Yeah. Now, I know that we're living life one day at a time in certain aspects, but do you see yourself staying in your industry long term? Like if 20 years from now, you woke up and you were retiring from this industry, do you think you'd be happy? Yeah,

Elsa: 16:56

I think that, and I love that you said, you know, one day at a time, I get so hung up on one day at a time because we were told so early in sobriety to not future trip. But I feel almost like we need to future trip a little bit. I think that's important. I, is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? No, I know that. Am I grateful that I'm doing it right now because of, you know, health insurance and I, you know, I don't have to pay for gas and those you know, perks, but it's not my dream job. And I would be, if I could do this for, I don't know, another 20 years, I'd like to do it less. But if I could do it for 10 more years, I'd be so happy and grateful and not sad leaving it. I think that I've taken, I've seen so many parts of this industry. So I'm just truly grateful for that.

Steve: 17:44

Well, that sounds awesome. I know that when I transitioned out of sales, my little business office role was like me figuring out for, you know, focusing on my recovery first. Cause I knew that that's what I needed that first couple of years. But then I got my coaching certification to know that I want to do something like part time, like helping people with it. And then there was this little kick in my boots. In my butt last week, or a couple weeks now, again at work, where I was like, I'm going to do it full time. So, starting in January, I'm going to be a full time life coach. Doing wellness workshops and one on one coaching and stuff like that in Sarasota and online. So, I'm very excited. for that too.

Elsa: 18:19

Congratulations. That's, that makes me so happy. And at another time, I want to know everything,

Steve: 18:26

but it's, it's wild because like planning this, it's exciting, but we're supposed to be living at one day at a time, but I have to have this like checklist that's a million miles long of things that I need to do before January 1st, you know, to launch it. So I'm having to like. Make my plan, but also be like, but today I just need to do this. Like one or two manageable tasks. Exactly. And like the rest I'll deal with tomorrow and each day I'm, you know, I'm sure the less will get smaller and less overwhelming. Yeah, they will. Yeah. Any final drops of wisdom though for people looking for sobriety slash career advice of staying sober while working

Elsa: 19:01

well? Oh wow. I mean, I will always say if you lose your sobriety, you lose everything. But I also don't like to use the word you,'cause this is, you know, I need to. Speak from my own experiences. So I will say that if I lose my sobriety, I will lose everything. So is a crappy job worth it? I mean, we all got to pay bill bills and rent, but put your sobriety first one day at a time, and we do change and evolve in our sobriety, how we feel today. Might not be the way we feel tomorrow and whatever you choose to call your higher power, but let your higher power guide you. If you choose to not do that shit like I do again, I think one day at a time fits very well for a

Steve: 19:53

lot of people. Yeah, it certainly does. And if people wanted to follow you while they're cruising sober TikTok or anything else, how would they find you?

Elsa: 20:04

Well, they can find me. It's pretty easy. It's Elsa, solo rep.

Steve: 20:08

Excellent. Well, I'll be sure to add that to the show notes. Thank you so much for coming on, Elsa. It's a pleasure catching up with you here.

Elsa: 20:16

Thank you so much, Steve. It is always a pleasure and I'm so grateful for you and

Steve: 20:22

your podcast. I'm grateful for you too. And I'm grateful for you listeners. So thank you for tuning into another episode of Gay A. Make sure you follow Elsa and follow us while you're at it at Gay A Podcast. And for more time with Elsa and I, you can head on over to our Patreon page for the post show, and make sure before you leave that you're following us wherever you're listening so you can get new episodes every Thursday. Until next week, stay sober, friends.