No Fighting in the Life Boat with James Sweasy (#190)

Sober Steve is joined by James Sweasy to share his experience, strength, and hope on navigating sobriety while helping others through their own journeys.

**Episode Highlights Include**
- **Identify, Don't Compare:** How focusing on our similarities rather than our differences helps keep us connected and sober!
- **Finding Value in Sobriety:** You need to value your sobriety to recovery as a whole person and keep an open mind!
- **Finding Value in Yourself:** James shares just how much he went through and how he came out the other side believing in his own value.
- **And Much More! **

**Where to Find Us:**
- James Sweasy's Website
- James on Facebook
- James on IG 🟢
- gAy A on IG 🟢
- gAy A everywhere else 🖇️

Tell a friend to listen today!! Until next time, stay sober!

Transcript

Sobriety Journey and Changing Perspectives

Speaker 1 0:00

I work in recovery . I talk to people every day and I'm trying to get them to start their new journey , their new life , and they don't see any value in it . What I mean by that is people will tell me all the time they'll say , hey man , I tried the 12 steps , it didn't work . I say , okay , can you recite all 12 steps right now and tell me how you used them today ? I would like to hear that so I can help you try to figure out what's not working . And they go no , I can't . I go , wait a minute , so hold on . You mean to tell me you can recite all of the lyrics to your favorite rap artist or country artist right now , album for album , song for song , and probably go on for hours . You can recite all of that right now without looking at a lyric sheet , but you can't recite to me 12 sentences that'll save your life because you don't see any value in it .

Speaker 2 0:49

Hey there , sober heroes , it's Dr Dallas Bragg from the Aftermath Podcast . I created this podcast to bring awareness to the crystal meth epidemic and for resources for the loved ones of meth addicts . Check out episode six , where I talk to Ignacio . He is the executive director of the nonprofit Controlling Chemsex . It's an organization out of London offering free counseling to gay men struggling with addiction , especially crystal meth . You are listening to Gay A , the Queer Sober Hero Show , and here is your host , the one and the only Sober Steve , the podcast guy .

Speaker 3 1:30

Hey there , super sober heroes , it's your host , sober Steve , the podcast guy , here with 1063 Days Sober and today I am grateful for my expanding sobriety community . In addition to that , I am also very excited to share with you my interview today with James Sweezy . He is an amazing guy who had a very powerful share and had a lot of great things to say about tips and tricks for staying sober and how to live an awesome sober life . I definitely think that he fits into the sober hero category , and I'm sure you will too . But , yes , recently had the privilege of being on the Sobriety Diaries podcast with podcast Nate , and it was a great chance to be on the other side of the mic and be asked some questions that I either haven't been asked before , I haven't really thought on , one of which I want to expound upon today with all of you , because when I was on with Nate , we talked about what it was like when I entered recovery , with how I was ready to compare myself out of the rooms rather than identify with people's feelings , and so what it was like having queer spaces versus non queer spaces and how my view of that has evolved over my sobriety . But , yes , back in the beginning of my early day counting .

Speaker 3 2:44

I , as many or all of you , know that my 12-step program is AA and that's what I used to get sober . And when I started I was very skeptical as many people are about a lot of the preconceived notions I had about what 12-step meetings might be like . I thought it was going to be a whole bunch of old white dudes in the basement smoking cigarettes and talking about how great it was back in the olden days . And sure , there are meetings like that that exist , but those are not the ones that I go to . And we talked about that . How , when I first started off in recovery , I needed a very queer , very diverse , very young , very progressive , like-minded group of peers that look like me and talk like me and shared like me . And we even , like in the meetings that I went to , like , change some of the verbiage to make sure that it was like people instead of being gendered and making sure that everyone was safe and welcomed . And those are the type of spaces that I got sober in and I remember early on in recovery trying to go to a couple different meetings and if it didn't feel as safe safe as that meeting did like I wouldn't stay , because at that point in my early recovery I was so ready to run not necessarily to drinking , but I was looking for excuses and I was looking for ways to compare myself out , and so having the people who were like , mindedminded and like me was something that I not only wanted , but something I really needed .

Speaker 3 4:06

In early sobriety and as I worked on myself and my program and my steps with my sponsor , my view of sobriety has always been pretty progressive , with the way that I accept all routes of sobriety , but also just the fact that I can go to different meetings and they can have a gendered version , or it could be a meeting of a whole bunch of old white dudes and I'm not going to automatically shut down and tune it out and think who cares ? What do they have to say ? I can get the message now , wherever I go . If someone is sober and wants to talk with me about sobriety , they don't have to be queer , they don't have to be young , they don't have to have a certain amount of time , they don't have to look a certain amount of way . I will talk about my recovery with anyone , whether you're sober or not , that wants to have an open , honest conversation about it .

Speaker 3 4:53

But that's one beautiful thing I've learned about my recovery . That was radical at first the idea that I can go to any meeting and hear something that I need to hear and feel better , or that I could go to any group of sober people and here's something I need to hear has been really powerful to learn and embrace , because it's helped me realize that in the grand scheme of even outside of a and 12 step relationships , but out in the real world , that is not really about what makes us all different . It's about what we all have in common and that's that most of us , each day , are doing our best on this earth to just get through it , the best that we can , without , you know , with doing the most little , the littlest harm to other people as we possibly can . And are we always successful at that ? Unfortunately not . But are we as a whole , as a humanity , like , hopefully , doing our best ? I like to think so . I know that I am each day trying to do more help and healing in the world than I do hurt , and that's what it's about .

Speaker 3 5:48

And so that is leading a good lead-in into my episode with James , because he is a amazing advocate and ally for the queer community . So he is another example of a guest that I'm having on . I've had on others in the past , jeff who are allies that do a lot of amazing work for us , that even if they do not personally identify as LGBTQIA+ , they definitely are sober heroes for our queer community and for the world at large . And so with that I will let you head on over to my interview with James . Enjoy . Hey there . Super sober heroes . It's Steve here with James Sweezy . Thanks for coming on , james .

Speaker 1 6:27

Thank you very much for having me . It's a real pleasure to be here and I'm looking forward to it . Man , fire away my friend .

Speaker 3 6:33

Excellent . Well , what would you say is your favorite part of being sober today ?

Speaker 1 6:38

It has to be my family . I have to tell you , my wife Elena and I we met in a homeless shelter 11 years ago , right , and contrary to what everybody believes , we did not date the first year that we met there . Okay , you know , they tell you to stay out of relationships . It wasn't that I was trying to stay out of a relationship , she just wasn't having it . So the full disclaimer I would have dated her if I could have . But anyway , we started dating when we had this discussion about how she could not have kids and I said , oh me , neither . Right , and that was just an assumption . It wasn't told by a doctor or anything . It's like look , I've tried in past relationships , there's absolutely a very huge chance that I should have kids , right , but I don't believe I can , or whatever . And then it wasn't long after that , maybe 30 days after that conversation that we had about we can't have kids , we're , if we're going to date , we're just going to have to deal with it or adopt one day , that kind of thing she popped up and said I'm pregnant , you know . And then we were pregnant for nine months and had my first daughter , ashlyn Sweezy .

Speaker 1 7:37

And then , short time after that , I come home and Ashlyn is sitting there holding a note in her hand my one-year-old right it's holding a note in her hand . Oh , she was one at the time . But she's holding a note in her hand that says I pull it out , I open it . It says , daddy , I'm going to be a big sister . And I looked over to my what's now ? My wife and I was like well , what are we talking about ? She's like I got . I didn't think that I would ever be employable . I didn't think that I would get opportunities to be a family man and a productive member of the community the way I am today and every day . Man , I just wake up and I look at my girls , I look at my daughters and my wife and think unbelievable , absolutely the favorite thing .

Speaker 3 8:20

That is awesome . Yeah , I know that there was a lot I used to tell myself like , oh , I'll never be able to do that , and sobriety has changed a lot of that for me . How would you say you're ?

Speaker 1 8:33

an ally to the queer community , and where does that fit into everything for you ? Oh man , how am I an ally Like ? How am I not right ? I got to tell you I'm a lot of things in this world and my sexual preference is one small little piece of it . Right , I'm a lot of other things . I feel the same way about you . I feel the same way about your audience . I don't particularly lead with my sexual preference whenever I'm talking to you or anybody else or anything like that . I understand there is a need for people to do that , because in the recovery community you can get into certain types of housing . We house people based on compatibility , not necessarily gender identity , and that helps lower suicide rates . I understand that . But as far as being an ally , if you're an LGBTQIA person , right . If you're queer , you're self-describing as queer .

Speaker 1 9:16

That used to be a bad word . I used to not be allowed to say that Okay . But if you're part of that community , you're needed and I look at you as just another human being sitting right across from me , right ? You know the sayings in recovery no fighting in the lifeboat . I can't stand it the different factions of especially when you get to the recovery community like . I'm a 12 step guy , right , and I'm going to tell you right now I can't stand about half of the 12 step community . No offense , I'm not supposed to act like that , right , I'm partially joking , kind of . But there is all of these different factions that start popping up and we look for the differences in one another to point out the difference . I'm different than you because of this , and now let's argue about it . I'm just going to look at the similarities .

Speaker 1 9:59

When I was first starting in my recovery , first of all , I've never cared about another person's sexual preference . I think it's one of the conversations that if you're not queer , you need to stay out of it , unless you're invited to the conversation . In my opinion and we were working in South Florida , one of my first jobs in addiction recovery and there's a place down there I hope you don't mind me plugging it's called Inspire Recovery . She's wonderful , right ? Donna is her name , and that's where I learned that piece where they housed based on compatibility , not sex or gender identity . It's just can you get along with this person

Shared Road to Sobriety

Speaker 1 10:36

? Right ? And they knew , as in most places , that sexual activity was going to happen , right ? But rather than punish for it and kick people out and this and that at least back in this time this is eight years ago they said let's have a conversation about it and what's appropriate for when and why . Not right , as opposed to you're kicked out because of that right and going through a training with them . They will actually go around to other treatment centers and train you to help people and just give you info . And some of the info that they gave us was that even giving a person let's say somebody comes in and says , okay , I'm , I'm trans , right the first reaction of people that are trying to be supportive in many cases is to be like , okay , we'll give you your own room , maybe we can do that and Inspire Recovery come and tell you no , now you're treating them differently . So if you want to be friendly and you want to house based on compatibility , the center that I got sober at , it's a large free center , it's called the Healing Place . Here in Louisville , kentucky , they do the same thing and I just really started to look at it . And then , if it lowers suicide rates , and may , I'm all for it .

Speaker 1 11:45

And whoever's listening to this , whoever does listen to this you and I are the same right . We have the same problem and the same solution , maybe with different trauma . Okay , I'm not going to pretend to understand what it's like to grow up to what you call it . Coming out right and telling your family about it has got to be devastating , devastating . It's gonna be hard . Okay , I'm not gonna pretend to know what that's like , but I've got some other trauma and stuff I've been through that probably made me feel very similar .

Speaker 1 12:12

I was not happy with who I am . Okay , I was very insecure about a number of things , very insecure about how I look . I couldn't get along around crowds . I'm a heterosexual male . I didn't know how to talk to a female right . Right , I have trauma , but if I'm just saying it's something directly to your audience man , you matter , I care about you and you and I have the same problem and in my opinion , we have the same solution , with different trauma . We can start by not drinking and not using right now , and then we can go through these processes by which we clean house , do an inventory , we start to look at our own behavior . I go through the steps all the time with people and I'm like whenever you get into six and seven , you get into these character defects and the shortcomings and this , and that it doesn't say anything about gender identity or what your sexual preference is . Matter of fact , if you're a guy , it's just God alone can judge your sexual conduct .

Speaker 1 13:06

So when I did my-step , whenever we got to sexual conduct , my sponsor said I want you to sit down and write out your sexual story . I said what do you want to do with it after that ? He's like nothing . I'm going to sit you in a chair right there and you're going to have a conversation with your higher power about it , because I'm not allowed to judge you on it . Same over here want to .

Speaker 3 13:29

I'm sorry , that's the long way of me telling y'all like man , we're all in the life boat together , right ? Yeah , I love it , and as my podcast has grown , my views on that have grown , because when I got sober , I really was still very close-minded to a lot of things and I was ready to compare myself out of the rooms almost , and so it was finding the queer spaces that worked for me to get started . But now I can go to a meeting , like you said , because we all have the same goal , which is to stay sober and to help each other stay sober , and so , as I've learned that lesson I've been bringing on occasionally , you know people that are allies , or you know that have amazing messages , like yours , so why don't we jump right into it , then and tell us a little bit about your road to sobriety ?

Speaker 1 14:03

Sure , your audience and I have the same problem , same solution . In my opinion , others need outside help . There are certain types of medication , all that . I don't want to generalize everything , but

Struggles With Addiction and Sobriety

Speaker 1 14:14

same problem , same solution . I use narcotics and alcohol to change the way I feel because I don't like something , I don't like me , I don't like you , I don't like the environment around me . So the only solution I had was to use drugs or alcohol to change the way I feel .

Speaker 1 14:33

Now , when I look back on me younger , me in high school and things of that nature , right , I always tell this story about man . I could not get along . I did not like authority , I did not like teachers . I did still don't like people telling me what to do . That's like a fat . You know what I mean . But , man , I tell you what . You put me in a room full of people , particularly females I'm a heterosexual male , right , but even just guys . You put me in another room full of guys . They're all full . I'm 100% sure that all of you all know exactly what you're talking about and the moment I open my mouth I'm going to make a fool of myself , right , I just lack the confidence . All the guys in high school and this and that they're either the football team . I cannot play sports . I don't know anything about sports , I don't follow them . I couldn't walk into a group of ladies and use my personality to get their attention or talk to them and be likable in any type of way . But man , that car . And then it goes . The first time you smoked weed behind the gym , that crowd . To the first time you're out and somebody says , hey , my parents have this bourbon in there in the in the bar over here , let's go drink some . I start hanging around with those people . So now I'm not hanging out around the cheerleaders in the football , no more .

Speaker 1 15:41

I went and sought out my people and I learned very early on that if you can get your hands on alcohol and marijuana is where it started , which grew into cocaine , opiates , ecstasy , all that but if you can get your hands on it now you all have a reason to like me , you know , and I finally found a way that I could fit in . I could walk into a room . Now I have something to talk about , I feel important , all of you all like me , and I feel needed . Okay . So that started a process by which I always put a disclaimer out there . I'm the worst drug dealer probably in the history of the planet . I'm not very good at it , but I was able to get a discount . That's the way I always describe my drug dealing times , cause I did I .

Speaker 1 16:24

My first felony was for trafficking . My only felony was for trafficking narcotics . When I was 19 years old I got caught in Kentucky . It's over eight ounces under five pounds is one of the measurements they use . I got caught with over eight ounces under five pounds , which was felony trafficking . Right , but that quickly escalated into trying cocaine out in the clubs . And then , of course , I always wanted to know where do I get more ? Where do I get bigger quantities ? I always wanted to buy in bulk , because walking in and selling it it's not that it was this big moneymaker man , it made me feel important , it gave me purpose and so , yeah , that's pretty much how all that started .

Speaker 1 17:04

And the weekend warrior drinking every weekend when I go out . I did pretty well for myself and I went to college and I did okay . I should say that it took me a long time to get through college , but I did okay . Business-wise , I started a concrete company and a landscaping business when I was in my 20s . I built my first house in my 20s , which quickly became the party spot .

Speaker 1 17:26

And at some point , right as I just moved into that house , I'd been out partying , drinking , doing cocaine , this and that I'm driving in this little Toyota pickup truck I owned that , I used to run my little business and I'm just flying down this road and this lady in a big black Expedition pulls right out in front of me just right , and I slammed into her . I mean , t-bone didn't have a seatbelt on face goes through the windshield , truck end over end , into a ditch next to the road and threw me out . Okay , the only thing I really remember other than seeing her truck pop up and knowing everything went wrong , that's all I remember . Seeing the truck pop up in front of me and I knew I was going to hit it . And the next thing I remember , I'm laying in a ditch looking up and it was her . It was the lady that was driving . She was crying and saying I'm sorry , right , and there was ambulances there and they were loading me to an ambulance and taking me off to the hospital .

Speaker 1 18:20

My face went through the windshield . It ripped my lower , my lip , right here off of my mandible . You can pull my lip down and see my jawbone . I had glass . It took them hours to fit the glass . You're not up close to me right now , but I have all these little scars everywhere around here . And then my lip on this side of my , on the left side of my face my lip doesn't move right here very well , where my teeth went through my lip .

Speaker 1 18:43

Telling you all this because that's when I was introduced to opiates . Okay , I was in that horrible accident . They wrapped my face up and put all these bandages on me and I have now what I call my paperwork right . I have MRIs , I have images , pictures , police reports and all that to prove that I was in this horrible accident that ripped my face apart . I need those pills , you feel me . Accident that ripped my face apart , I need those pills , you feel me .

Speaker 1 19:11

So they gave me a bottle of Watson 540s , right , and I remember going back and taking them for the pain to go away . But then pain pills acted differently on me . I know some people will do opiates , use opiates and nod off , catch a nod , that kind of thing . I don't do that . It's the opposite effect on me when I take painkillers . I will clean this entire house top to bottom . I will go out and mow the grass . You know what I mean . Yeah , you get what I'm saying . It gives me this energy burst where , now , remember , I was telling you like walking into those situations with those people , with those , wherever it was a crowd of people where I didn't feel like I fit in . Now I was Superman . I take those . I had everything in the world to say . I was high , I probably looked like an idiot I'm sure I did but I learned to use those pills to make my life fun . That's what it came down to . I felt like I was having a good time .

Speaker 1 20:02

I remember taking one Lortab in the morning and it would last me all day , right , and I would just go and go and go . I'd be at the construction company . I'd be wheelbarrowing , shoveling gravel , just having everybody's . Oh my God , this guy , he works nonstop . You know , I remember thinking like we should give these pills to everybody . We would have the most productive company ever on the planet Everybody , because it makes you feel so good . I didn't know the dangers of them at the time .

Speaker 1 20:28

Then it became where I could take one in the morning and then it'd start to wear off . So by the time I got home at night I'd have to take another one . So I'd take one in the morning , one at night . Then , as my tolerance built , I would have one in the morning , one in the afternoon , one at night . Then I would take two in the morning , two , two and two , three , three and three . Two in the morning , two , two and two , three , three and three , five , five and five , 10 , 10, .

Speaker 1 20:52

Have any of you ever take 10 in the morning , 10 in the afternoon , two at 10 at night ? I've taken 30 to 40 painkillers a day to maintenance , my opiate habit , okay , and these are Watson 540s , the Lortab , 10s and eventually . But I had my paperwork , okay , this is where I could walk into doctors and say look at this stack of paperwork , look at my face , look what happened to me my neck , my back , all this . You know , I've herniated disc , I need this medicine right . And back in the day , you know , 13 , 14 years ago , that worked . They would just throw a bottle of pills at you . They don't do that anymore and I would eventually spiral out of control .

Speaker 3 21:23

And so you have these papers that help kind of make it okay , and they're giving you the pills as you're increasing your dosage . When did it become a problem that needed to be addressed ?

Speaker 1 21:33

So I could not stay sober . I ended up in downtown Louisville , kentucky , in this little shotgun house where they rented rooms to people , and I rented one of the rooms , right , and my mom rented one of the rooms . You see , she almost lied to y'all . I made it sound like I had money right there . You know what I mean . But my mom rented one of the rooms and let me stay in it and it wasn't long before I was back on . You couldn't get the pills , no more , so I started using heroin .

Speaker 1 22:00

I started experimenting with heroin . I started using it , snorting it , occasionally injecting it , and I drank every day and always had a story for my mother . And what I was doing was I was calling my grandmother , who lived in Tampa the first time . I would call her several times a week with a sob story and she would wire me three , four or five hundred dollars at a time . And one of the darkest parts of that this part of my story anyway that I did is I knew at the time that my grandmother was struggling with Alzheimer's , so I could call her and ask her to wire me three or $400 . And I knew she wouldn't remember doing it a couple days later and I could call her again and ask and she would just do it . Now she would just do it anyway , but I knew what was going on with her and I manipulated that . And that's where my alcoholism took me was to manipulating my grandmother's Alzheimer's to make sure I could get more money to continue my opiate addiction and alcoholism .

Speaker 1 22:52

So eventually , you know the story . I think we've all been there . You bought them out . Everybody stops enabling you , al and I got a hold of my mother , stopped the enabling . I'm living in this shotgun apartment in downtown Louisville and I'm calling my mom asking her for money . She eventually stopped doing it . My own mother told me . She said , son , I love you , I just don't like you . She said you're not going to do this to us anymore and they gave me an option . My mom calls me and says , hey , your aunt's out there . She will drive you to that place and get you some help and if you go do it , I will help you when you get done it . Okay , and I said I didn't have the other choice . It was freezing outside . It was January of 2013 in Louisville , kentucky , there was a foot of snow on the ground , it was miserable outside .

Speaker 1 23:37

I chose to get in that car and go to the healing place because I was hungry and the heat was on . I did not choose to go because I wanted to be a better man , a better son , stop manipulating , lying , cheating and using narcotics . I went because I had no other option and I went down there and checked into that homeless shelter , slash recovery program , right . And I remember pulling up out front and a guy had a badge on that said security , on his necklace , on his lanyard , and I was like , pulled up out front . I said , hey , man , do you work here ? And I remember he goes well , no , I live here . And I remember thinking like , who says that ? Who does that ? How did you just admit that you live here at this dump , right At this homeless shelter ? It's not actually a dump , by the way , but was just my . But I was like , how do you admit that you live here ? I had no humility about me at all , right . So I checked into the detox unit there and it was concrete brick walls and the four foot high walls in between the beds . So there's two beds , a four foot high wall , two beds . So all 50 of us are having beds or were in there together . Non-medical detox they give you no medicine . You get a blanket , a big book and they had food . You know , unsweet tea , and whatever food they were making that day is what you had . So I didn't have any other choice . I stayed there .

Speaker 1 24:58

At the time I was a cigarette smoker that's another thing I'm free from . I haven't used nicotine in years but at the time I was smoking cigarettes and I was standing outside in this little area they call it the dugout right when people sit out there and you just smoke and talk while you're going through these withdrawals . Well , I'm standing out there smoking . And they came outside and said , hey , if you guys have been here more than 24 hours , you now have to leave detox and walk across the street and go to a 12-step recovery meeting . Right , I was like , okay , I'll go whatever , I'm bored . I was like , okay , I'll go whatever I'm bored . I was a little dope , sick , but I was like you know what , I'll get out of this room and head across the street . So I'm walking out through the cigarette out , I'm walking back through the building and this lady I love this lady . Her name is miss Pam . I give her a shout out every time I speak about my story .

Speaker 1 25:41

Miss Pam was standing there at the D , at the desk and the detox , and as I'm walking by asking the detox , and as I'm walking by , she says hey , you one , 23, . That was my bed number , Sweezy . She said go make your bed . And I paused and looked at her crazy . I was like lady , it stinks in here . Okay , that dude on the

Recovery and Taking Responsibility for Change

Speaker 1 26:02

floor is naked . They brought this dude in in handcuffs . I'm throwing up . This is a night .

Speaker 1 26:04

Why would I make my bed ? I was dead serious . Why ? She said what are you here for ?

Speaker 1 26:12

And I said well , I would like to have my family back , my car back , my job back , some friends , maybe a house , maybe a condo on the beach one day , I think you know . And she's like okay , big baller . She said you want all of that responsibility , but you won't make your own bed . And I was like damn it , man , you got me Just . It just deflated me in that moment . Then she hit me with the coldest thing I've ever heard in my life . You don't hear this in private treatment much . She said if you don't like it , you can leave . The door is not locked . We didn't invite you here . Nobody called you and begged you to come here . So go Beat it .

Speaker 1 26:50

In that moment , man , just in that moment when I got called out she's right , I only made my bed when I was going to have a young lady over . So I'm already know our friends were coming over . I spray a bunch of cologne around and vacuum up real quick , try to make the apartment smell good or whatever , and in that moment , man , it just hit me . I was like damn it , nobody's coming to save you . Mom's done , dad's done . They cut my grandmother off , wouldn't let her talk to me , and that was it . It was me and a homeless shelter . That's all I had . And that place right there . That's also where I would meet what's now my wife , elena . So yeah , that's the , that's the the short of it , to be honest . Right there . But then you know we would . We would then embark on . I walked across the street , I met a sponsor and I started my 12-step recovery that's awesome .

Speaker 3 27:36

Well and then . Well , thank you for for sharing that so vulnerably and openly knowing like that . Obviously , some things have changed with recovery over the years , but a lot of it stayed the same . What , would you say , are tips that you use when you were starting off in recovery that are still true today .

Speaker 1 27:51

Oh , man , you know , a suggestion for a newcomer or a tip that's held true . I'll tell you what , man , I always tell this story , or kind of tell it in this way , because here's the thing People , in my opinion , don't stick and stay around the recovery community because you can't see the instant value in it . Now I work in recovery . I talk to people every day and I'm trying to get them to start their new journey , their new life , and they don't see any value in it . What I mean by that is people will tell me all the time they'll say , hey , man , I tried the 12 steps , it didn't work . I say , ok , can you recite all 12 steps right now and tell me how you use them today ? I would like to hear that so I can help you try to figure out what's not working . And they go no , I can't , I go , wait a minute . So hold on . You mean to tell me you can recite all of the lyrics to your favorite rap artist or country artist right now , album for album , song for song , and probably go on for hours . You can recite all of that right now without looking at a lyric sheet , but you can't recite to me 12 sentences that'll save your life because you don't see any value in it . If I told you right now that I would give you a million dollars tomorrow in cash if you had all 12 of those sentences memorized , you wouldn't get a wink of sleep . Nothing , because now you see value in it . You would pop up

12 Steps to Recovery and Connection

Speaker 1 29:14

tomorrow and go .

Speaker 1 29:14

Step one we admitted we were powerless over alcohol , that our lives have become unmanageable . Two came to believe . You know what I'm saying ? Just bam , bam bam . Sentence after sentence , you would spit it out . Right , don't lie to yourself . You know we look around and say oh , I tried . See , that's a lie . You're lying to yourself . A program is a set of instructions meant to bring about a desired result , right ? So we're going to follow this set of instructions , the 12 steps which are meant to bring about a desired result , which is recovery , to gain stuff back lost , stolen or given away . Okay , remember , go look up the definitions of words like that . Now you're light years ahead of me . That was sitting in there saying I'm powerless over the disease and I was wrong .

Speaker 3 29:55

Okay , yeah , I can relate to that because it was a couple of months in before , like if God were sought , and I was like I don't really know what that means . I thought like for the first couple of months that that meant like if he so chooses , and it's like no , you have to seek him . Like again , like I didn't think to question what I , what I thought I read , not looking up the words . So I love that advice .

Speaker 1 30:15

Yeah , and you got to remember too .

Speaker 1 30:17

Another bit of advice is that it says in the beginning of that , or it says in the beginning of the closing it says our book is meant to be suggestive .

Speaker 1 30:24

Only right , you go through it , you read , you learn and , just like I was telling some of your audience from the queer community or whatever before like , look , we have same problem , same solution . You and I might have different trauma , okay , but the 12 steps are going to guide you to ways to deal with your trauma . The 12 , the 12 steps might not remove your trauma , but they're going to give you the courage to join the groups , like you were talking about where you found your group . You found the right people . It's going to give you the courage to walk through those doors and find those people . It's going to give you the courage to walk through those doors and find those people . It's going to give you the courage to talk to whoever you need to . It's going to show you how to walk down this path and , as long as you don't drink or get high , we get to wake up and fight again tomorrow .

Speaker 3 31:07

Yeah , I love that , and if people wanted to find you , what would be the best way to connect ?

Speaker 1 31:11

Oh , you could follow me . My name is James Sweezy . It's on the screen there . S-w-e-a-s-y . My Facebook page is just that . It just is James Sweezy , or my bigger Facebook page , the one that they call it a fan page . I hate thinking of it like that , but whatever , it's just my last name , sweezy , so go follow there . I post a lot of free recovery content . I post stuff from the gym . I'm on TikTok , instagram , all of that . So , yeah , everybody's welcome on my page . I don't discriminate or hate against anybody . I work in addiction recovery and we are abstinence programs , but I have a lot of people that follow me that are currently on Suboxone or methadone or whatever . Please come be a part of the community . I'd love to see your comments . I'd love to have your . I'll just , you know , join this journey together .

Speaker 3 32:04

All right , excellent . Well , thank you so much , james . It's been a pleasure . Thank you Back to you future , steve . Welcome back sober heroes . I hope you enjoyed my interview with James . He was a great guy , so make sure you follow him on all the socials , post some funny recovery related things as well as some great motivation and with that , also make sure you're following us wherever you're listening . I am at gay podcast . I am most active on Instagram , but I do have a presence on all of the social media , so wherever you'd like , you'll find more of this . I look forward to seeing you next week , because you'd certainly already follow this podcast wherever you're listening . So you'll get our new episode next week with Eric from Sobervation . Until then , stay sober friends .