Celebrating 200 Episodes - Mailbag #1

In this milestone episode, host Sober Steve celebrates 200 episodes with a special mailbag Q&A featuring questions from some of our amazing previous guests.

Celebrate by binging past episodes by the amazing guests who asked this week's questions!

Phil's Episodes:
#172- A Change in Perspective
#143- It’s How You Carry It

Elsa's Episodes:
#163 Managing Career in Sobriety
#33 One Day at a Time

Jimmy's Episodes:
#159 Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously

J9's Episodes:
#184- Creating with ADHD
#140- Making Music
#64 Just Start, Don't Stop

Dave from Sober Gay Sunday's Episodes:
#160: Sober Gay Sunday
#97: Sober Travel
#87: Dating Sober
#88: Sex and Communication
#70: I Don't Do That Anymore

Danielle's Episodes:
#155 Sobriety & Recovery
#121 Fearless & Thorough

Also mentioned- Steve's Storyteller Sunday at Church:
#183 Finding My Way Back To God

Thank you all for listening! If you liked it, tell a friend! If you loved it, send a text using the link above. If you really loved it, leave a review!

Stay sober <3

Transcript

Steve: 0:00

Hey, It's your host sober Steve, the podcast guy here with 1,129 days sober. And so today I am so grateful to be celebrating. 200 episodes. It's a huge accomplishment for any podcast or it's unheard of for over 90% of podcasters, don't even make it this far yet. I did with the help of all of you who kept on listening episode after episode. Week after week, one day at a time. I definitely couldn't have done this journey without you, as well as a lot of the guests that we're going to be talking about today. As we reflect back with our first mailbag episode. Before I get into that though. I also want to share with you a fun update about the podcast and podcasting technology in general, which is thanks to buzz sprout. You can now in most podcasting players, when you look at this episode, the very first little line of texts before it has all the awesome information I typed in about the episode is text message to the show or send the show a text or something along those lines, but it's a new option where you can click on it. And in that line, you write your message. You send it in it. It goes into my podcasting platform and says, Steve, your listener sent you a message. And when I get that, I'm going to say, oh my goodness, this is the coolest thing ever. This person who sent this message has just made my day and I'm going to read it. And if it's something awesome or appropriate, I'm going to include it in to the beginning of the episodes now. So it becomes a regular thing where people can engage with the episodes, with their thoughts and opinions. So make sure when you write your message that you also can say maybe your first name, And send me a message through the text line. It's going to be super cool and a great way for you all to get involved with the show even easier than ever before. the next two episodes, they're going to be mailbag episodes where I had reached out to some of my favorite guests. And let me tell you just like always my entire podcasting community and family, all of you, the guests, my followers online, all of you always show up for me Virtually all of them, replied right away saying here's my question. And it was awesome. So with that. You can also ask questions because the next two episodes is going to be all about that. And so send in your question, if you want me to ask that with the text line or say congratulations or hello or anything else that you'd like, but just include your name or however you'd like me to give you a shout out whenever I read your message out on the air. Someone who makes my day, every single Thursday, when episodes come out. Is the first person who I reached out to as well, asking them for them to send me a question. And that is Phil. Phil is a friend. I met through a service commitment who quickly. Became one of the listeners who, when they listened to the podcast, also send me all of their thoughts on the episode. And I love it so much. And I learned a lot about him as he was sharing what he related to over these episodes and these shares. And next thing I know I have one of my best friends and I love our friendship. You can learn more about him and episodes. Number 1 72, a change in perspective and number 1 43. It's how you carry it. His question was Steve. I cannot believe it's already number 200. That is awesome. What would you say has been the most exciting moment in your sobriety journey? You know, that moment, that shortly after it was over, you thought to yourself that would never have happened. If I weren't in recovery. And I would say big professional moment would probably be the moment in October to November. When I decided that I was leaving senior living and going to start my own business as a coach and taking that leap of faith and investing money and time and energy into myself, believing that I was capable of doing it. It's something I could never have done if I wasn't sober What kind of person would have me as a drunk, trying to run his own business. It would have been a nightmare. I would never be able to be where I am today, professionally, if I was still drinking because I couldn't trust myself to run my own business, I know that I did a lot of insane things when I was drinking, but thinking that I could run a business was never one of them, I have the power and capability to do when I'm sober. So very much that, but also on a smaller level, at a more personal level. I would have to open up a little bit more. And say it was probably when I did the entertainer of the year pageant, I went with a bunch of newer friends from church. I knew with this event, we were going to be taking a party bus an hour north to Tampa and back. So I knew that I was going to be around people that were drinking in very close quarters where I couldn't get out. And I also though, had to remind myself that all of these people knew I was sober. They've never shown me anything, but. Respect and kindness and love. Why would they make it a thing for me there? And I did it and I was able to be present and I was able to be sober and I was able to enjoy myself and I was able to. Connect with them and get to know them on a deeper level. The entire night I was able to then on the way home be one of the last people awake as we were getting closer after everyone had danced and played on the stripper pole on the bus and. Had all of our fun people start either winding down, checking their phones for the first time in hours or falling asleep. But as that was all going on and I was able to look around at all these people who. Most of them, I hadn't known very well beforehand, and I knew much better after the end of the night after this experience together. And knowing that this was a gift of sobriety. Because in the past. I was an isolated drinker. I didn't go out to events like that because I knew I couldn't do it because I had tried for years and I always embarrass myself and I always was never invited back. And I burned so many bridges that if a new group of friends invited me to go do something like that back when I was drinking, I either wouldn't have gone. So I could stay at home and drink the way I want to drink, rather than doing mental gymnastics the entire night out with them, Or I would have gone out and just gotten shit faced and fucked up every sort of friendship I was starting to build in that friend group and never be invited back to anything again, there was no version of that night as well that I would have been able to enjoy, or that would have been good for me or anyone around me had I still been drinking. So being able to look around and just be filled with gratitude for all these new experiences that makes. Experiencing now that not only am I sober, but living the life that I want to be living, that was. I would say my favorite this would never have happened if I weren't in recovery moments socially that I really loved. Next is Elsa, a sober sister that I don't know whether I would be sober without they are from my home group that got me sober, the mustard seed. I went there every night in recovery, those first couple of years. You got to know her as a listener back in episodes, 1 63, when we talked about managing career in sobriety. It's one that I always send people back to because. People always struggle with work and sobriety and Elsa had a great episode on it. Especially coming from someone who works with alcohol in sobriety. And we got to know her and her story better all the way back near the beginning at episode number 33. One day at a time. And she asked, what do you struggle with most in social settings around alcohol? Is it being around other people drinking? That change in behavior in people. The resentment when people leave half finished strengths. And addressing each of those three grow quickly. I, as I just shared, I don't mind being around other people when they're drinking now, I'm always more worried about it than what the reality actually is, everyone cares about themselves, not in a selfish way, but when we're all out, They're not focused on what I am drinking or not drinking because they're focused on what they're drinking or not drinking, or they're focused on what we're actually doing for the night, Not so much worried about being around drinkers right now. But I do tease my friends whenever they leave a half finished drink on a table. I'm like, how do they do that? I know the answer is that they're not an alcoholic, but it just shows that my brain works very differently than theirs, because I would never spend.$20 or whatever on this designer cocktail or this fancy glass of wine and then leave half of it. But I think my mentality goes to that if you're paying this much for a burger, if you're doing this or that, you finish your portions. I feel half of that's my alcoholic mind, half of it's my mother and my childhood yelling at me, I was, finish your plate, finish your glass. But whatever it is, I can't imagine how people do that, but it's not in a resentful or triggering or upsetting kind of way. It's more of a this is wild to me. Even though I know that that's me. And it doesn't reflect on the person who's leaving their drink half finished and leaving. That's totally fine. And normal for them. It's just not who I am. What am I to answer the question of what does. Bother me or upset me or trigger me or whatever word you want to use. I struggle in social settings when people are drinking. When, I don't know if it's, well, first if it's a stranger. And I see that they're intoxicated, and I don't know if or how I should intervene or help them. You know, whether if they're with their friends, You know, I have to trust that it's going well, but if they're with the date, I'm always like, oh, well that person take care of them or not. And it's my superhero complex because I have to remember these are people that I don't know any to like, unless I'm seeing someone actively being assaulted or actively. Be engaging in behavior where I should be stepping in. I can't make stories in my head about what it looks like to me, from what their actions are when I don't know what the story is or who they're with or what the situation is. So not letting my superhero complex. Come and activate in an unhealthy way around strangers is one as well as. When I see Especially people I know, but just anyone in general, I've learned as well, just have that kind of look in their eyes where I recognize myself, the me from near the end of the drinking. When I stopped looking at the mirror because I didn't like seeing that look in my eyes, but that look. That it's not fun anymore. That we want to stop, but we don't know how, and we can't figure out how we found ourselves here again. As drunk as we are, and it's not fun and we don't know how to stop, but we know that when we wake up in the morning, it's just going to be a matter of time before it happens again. And when you're having that cycle, there is this. You don't have this light in your eyes. You know, many of us come into their rooms or wherever we get sober, with that light out and we get to see the beauty. When we get sober. Watching those lights go back on. But it's very sad when I see an a. I'm always again, where do I play apart? Because we're trying to do attraction, not promotion. And I recover out loud. People know that I'm sober. So if they need the help, they know that I'm here for them. So just be having to watch them though with that look in their eyes when they're drunk. To know that it's not my place. To intervene at that time is it was just, it has been difficult for me. And I've struggled with that. So with that great question, Elsa. Thank you for letting me unload on that. I haven't really said that out loud yet. So I love that I'm sharing so much in this episode for all of you. And moving on. Well, move onto the question from Jimmy, another fellow from the mustard seed who helped get me sober and it's still part of my daily gratitude routine. You know him from number 1 59. Don't take yourself so seriously. And he said, congratulations. How has hosting this podcast influenced other aspects of your life? And I would have to say this podcast has changed my life almost as much as getting sober has. It's literally my profession now because I got good at doing it for here week after week after week. So I would say that definitely the confidence in talking about my sobriety with non sober people has happened because I'm talking each week on this podcast in a very open forum. And also because I do all of the editing process on the backend, I've gotten to learn the way that I speak But also as my speaking skills are getting better, so I don't require as much editing. Learning during my stream of thought, how to rely less on ums, AHS, and buts. But instead being prepared to talk with more flow and let the conversation flow more naturally. And as the podcast has gone on, also get bolder and braver to share more authentically week after week. And just every single time that I share something personal with you is when I hear something back from you about something personal as well. And it's how we get closer together. And so I could be trying here to be the perfect podcast or telling you what you want to hear about sobriety, or I could be here talking about my experiences and my thoughts and my feelings and see how they relate to yours. And a lot of times I'm finding when I do that with more confidence. It ends up with a much better vibe with the listeners and people that I'm engaging with. So that I've gotten from doing the podcast as well as literally my career, because it gives me a lot more credibility having a podcast like this, especially reaching 200 episodes and having reached as big as it's gotten both things I couldn't have without the podcast. And if you could start over tomorrow with the knowledge you have now, what would you do differently? And I would say with a podcast, since that's what I've chosen to answer with these two questions. I would use the experience and it also revolves it to run my sobriety as well, but I've gotten more confident in my sobriety as well as with my podcasting experience, trying to make sure that I'm able to set my listeners. And my guests up for the best episodes possible by communicating my expectations more clearly with guests over the past few months, because I started off early on, very worried about putting someone off at the idea of becoming. On the podcast, they were doing me the favor, but also that I might scare them away. If I said please make sure you have a solid wifi connection. Don't be at work in the backyard with the lawn guy going, I wouldn't make these simple requests when people would show up and they weren't prepared. Rather than addressing it because I was afraid of conflict and afraid of putting. I, what I felt was unreasonable expectations, which in the end, they weren't unreasonable. They were basic expectations. If you were going to be on a podcast and want it to do well with it. But the issue is that I knew that. They didn't know that. So they were coming as prepared as they thought they needed to be for the podcast. I wouldn't communicate that. And I would take what I would get and then the episode would come out and not only would the listeners not be happy with the audio quality, but guess what? My guests also, weren't happy with the audio quality and they didn't like the way that they sounded. So I've learned over the years to be very communicative with my guests, Most recently, I was doing these. Pre-interviews where I get to meet them and vibe with them and get to know them as well as make sure that they have the tools that they need to succeed. Like a microphone headphones, a strong internet connection so that when they come on the episode, not only do they know me and we're already vibing, but we also. know that they're going to sound great in terms of their audio quality for all of you. So it's led to much better episodes all around, and I wish that I had done it sooner, but again, it was a lesson that I needed to learn about sobriety as well as with myself, which is that sometimes difficult conversations are only difficult to me. They're not difficult to the people I'm communicating them to. And also that, you know, the clarity is kindness applies to podcasting as well. Let people know when they're guesting, what they need to do to be successful. And most people they're taking it seriously. You're giving them a huge opportunity to come on. They're going to want to make sure that they're going to sound their best. So they would be upset if they needed microphones or headphones, but didn't know because I didn't tell them I'm doing them a favor of communicating that to them. It's something that took me awhile to learn. Glad I did. Thank you so much, Jimmy, for that. And moving on to J nine, Jane nine is our music expert. I love having them on talking about creativity and music. You know them from episodes 180 4. 40 N 64. And they've wrote back. Wow. 200 episodes, dude. You're killing it. They always make me feel so good. They said, well, it was the hardest lesson you had to learn along the way. And the hardest lesson I had to learn along the way was that if I'm going to be living a sober life, I need to be living the life that I want to be living for myself rather than the life that I feel like I have to have, or should be having, or that other people might want or expect for me. But that I need to live my life because for me, it's my second chance. I know for some of us it's our third or fourth or fifth, but whatever chance we're on, we don't know whether we're going to have another one. And I got to the point where I was. Living my life for all of these other different people, places and things, and trying to people, please everyone around me and being so afraid and insecure all the time in resenting everyone that I was like, why am I sober? If this is what my life looks like? And in that moment of, oh my God, I had that thought and that's not a good thought. And I don't want to have that thought anymore. Then through the process started having this awakening where I worked with a coach and was like, well, what does my perfect life look like? And I started working towards it. And a lot of it, I was able to actually flip pretty quickly because a lot of it was a mindset stuff of just starting to. demand and request and manifest the life that I want. And it turned around pretty quickly to the point now where I am living the life that I want and I love my life. And I'm so glad that I'm sober. And I got to experience all the sober and I wouldn't be here living this amazing, wonderful life. If I wasn't sober, but also if I didn't have that realization that it's my life. I need to live it for me. Like I was talking with Sam in last week's episode. About authenticity. I had to just start living as my authentic self and just saying, fuck it to everyone around me who might have thoughts or opinions, because those weren't the people that were living my life. It was me. I needed to live for myself and. Do the things that I want and have the career that I want and work with the people that I want to work with and help the people that I help and. Let's live this beautiful life. To the fullest, because I don't want to be on my death bed. And just wondering oh, should I cut a, what of, I want to be happy with the life that I lived in. So I started being happy with the life I'm living today. And that was a very hard lesson to learn. It was terrifying making those changes, making those jumps and having the faith. Not only in myself and trust myself with how I've grown in my sobriety, but trust in my higher power that. They would take care of me that the money would be there when I need it, that the clients would be there when I'm, when I'm ready for them. That my husband would support me through their process that all these other pieces that would come together later to make all of this possible for me, I had to have the faith from the start Wasn't something I had before sobriety, let alone faith in a higher power who I choose to call God trusting that they would take care of me. Wow. Very scary lesson to make that jump of faith, but an amazing lesson to have learned. Truly indeed. I love talking about that. Cause it was a second sober awakening for me and it was great. Someone who also has very similar experiences to me that I love having on the podcast dearly and keeping in touch with is Dave, who does the sober gay Sundays podcast. So I'll use sober gays probably already follow him, but if you don't, you should check out his podcast. He also does interviews. So it was an easy peasy thing for him to send over a question. But you might also know him, not only from his podcast. With being the most regular guests to date clocking in five total episodes But he's so charismatic and has such a great interview. No wonder why he has a podcast of his own now. And it's awesome. And so is this question, which is, what is your favorite accomplishment in sobriety? And what do you hope to accomplish in the future? The future is difficult for me because it's evolved so much, even over the past three to four months of what I want, because I know that my life is changing so rapidly right now that I want to just keep growing constantly. I don't want to stop. I don't want to slow down. I want to take this one day at a time and trust in my higher power and not be playing God myself, but I want to trust them. My higher power wants me to continue growing in this journey. Not only with my sobriety, but professionally into my life. And in these relationships that have been blossoming these past six to eight months, I want to make sure that all of that keeps on going and keeps on going. Looking back at my accomplishments so far, I would say the, I gotta be. I'll give you an honest, funny one, then the sincere one. But the honest, funny one. Hopefully, it's funny. Is that professionally? I love name-dropping that I interviewed Mark Jacobs last summer. I know that it wasn't officially on a podcast episode. I kind of leave that part out when I'm tooting my own horn professionally. But the fact that I talk to people and say, you know, the power of podcasting led me to an interview with Mark Jacobs. Yes. I've chosen those words carefully. And all of those words are 110% accurate. But it led to that chance to interview him last summer. And it was a really cool experience. It was also really scary and In my head overwhelming way. Like he was amazing and wonderful and I loved it and it was really cool. But not as cool as I make it sound when I'm talking about it professionally, because everyone loves that. Even the people who don't know him, when they go go Nick, well, you interviewed him. I need to get a podcast on my own. And I'm like, if you work with me, I'll help you. So it really helps professionally having that little feather in my cap. As I'm sure you can relate Dave, having a guest or two that you're like, that's the guests that I'll tell everyone I've had on my podcast. It's really cool. When you have big names. You know, but at the same time, some of my most powerful episodes have been just fellows. So it doesn't change the quality of the share. However, it is always exciting. Being able to have these big names that we've gotten the chance to interview. that's professionally. Personally, it's probably the growth in my marriage and how close my husband and I are today to one another. Compared to where we were when I was at my rock bottom and we were at the breaking point and the option was either I keep drinking and he leaves me, divorces me with every single reason and right. To do so. Or I try sobriety out and see what happens. And I'm so grateful that I tried sobriety out. I got off the elevator when I did it, hadn't reached the bottom yet, but I was able to see in that moment that it was on its way down. There was no going back up. And I was able to try sobriety one day at a time and a weekend. I had a wedding experience I've shared on before where he, he. And I both expected for me to relapse and I didn't. And from that point I came in and was like, I can do this. And from there. I have gone on my spiritual journey through my 12 step program and through this podcast and through connecting with all of you and he's had his own spiritual journey through more of the metaphysical realm of meditation and Reiki and spiritual healing. But we've been able to grow. In our own separate ways at the same time, in a way that's made us. Stronger where it used to be always like I needed to lean on him and he needed to lean on me. And it was almost like we were this triangle, but now we're just two trees. Where the branches are in 20 together, but at the same time, I don't need to lean on him. My tree can stand, haul on my own and his tree can stand tall on his own. Because I'm sober and he doesn't have to be taking care of me anymore. And we have this healthy relationship though. We're our branches are constantly intertwined. And at this point,, the two trees on the outside from further away, you wouldn't even know sometimes that their basis started separately. But at the end of the day, we are still our own people in a way that again, we never would have had without my sobriety. And I'm just amazing watching the way that he's grown, the way that when I reflect back on my own life, that I've grown in my sobriety. And then the way that we've grown together to the point now where he went. From ready to leave me because he didn't trust me, nor should he have to. Now we trust each other completely. It's just amazing seeing the way that that marriage has healed. That's my favorite accomplishment. Personally is that that healing and restoration and growth. Cause I would say we're not even to the point where we're healing anymore. I would say that we're healed and that we're growing together and it's beautiful. And wrapping up this week's episode is Danielle. From episodes 1 55. When we talked about sobriety and recovery. Episode 1 21, where we talked about fearless and thorough and appeared earlier this year, talking about sober apps and dating and episodes of 1 77 and 1 78. And she wrote back, what's been the most uplifting or a surprising response to your sobriety from someone. And I would say the most. Uplifting experience I had was when I got the chance to share a portion of my experience, strength and hope. During my churches storyteller Sunday. If you listen to all the episodes. You can go back and hear it. And number 180 3 or might remember it from a couple of months ago. But it was the first time that while it wasn't specifically about the alcohol, it was about my religious journey and my life journey, which my life. Involved my journey with alcohol. And so I got the chance to share a portion of that with my entire congregation, as well as the thousands of people watching online. And afterwards the responses that I heard back and the shares helped me realize that even when I came to. You know, what we consider normies are people who aren't alcoholics and addicts, hearing them come up to me afterwards or share afterwards how much they related to the feelings that I had shared along the way through my experiences. And what, the path that my life looked like in broad strokes and how they were able to identify with me. Realizing that like we're all fucked up in our own kind of beautiful ways where we're all different, we're all unique. We're all struggling with something. And just because someone's not an ALC Kahala or an addict doesn't mean that they don't have an issue with this, that, or the other thing that's making them constantly obsessed in their head. About things, the way that I would feel about my thing, which was drugs and alcohol. So it really helped me connect to people in a new way that weren't in sobriety. How many realize, we're all the same. I need to treat everyone with kindness because beforehand I definitely showed favorite has improved, sober people early on because I viewed them as a safer place than non sober people and that experience of sharing and there The response that I got from my congregation afterwards really helped break some walls down between me and people that aren't in recovery that have really helped me build new friendships and relationships since then. So with that, Thank you all. We'll stop right here for episode 200, but the questions are going to keep on going because I have so many great guests who shared so many great questions. That next week, we're going to keep this going with episode 2 0 1. And until then, make sure you tell a friend about the podcast. That's the quickest, easiest way to make this grow. I can be doing social media posts until I'm blue in the face, and I can do paid advertising, but the best way for me to grow my audience is by having the listeners who really trust and love this podcast to tell their friends who are sober, that might find some. Experience strength and hope in these episodes to check it out because they're more likely to do it. So tell them. Please. That would be the best way to celebrate other than sending me a text message in your show notes. And until next time, everybody. Stay sober.