#044 Chaos from SwipeWrong Podcast Talks Sex and Dating

You'll hear Chris Koss and I talk about power swiping and how it can improve your chances of getting matches, safety tips when dating and some funny stories of dating gone bad.  I provide a sex how to book recommendation as well.  The recommendee swears by it!  If you're just getting out of a relationship, we talk about tips to get back out there and what it can do for you.  We laugh a lot on this one as we navigate sex and dating for both men and women.  You'll hear us talk about why there is no shame at all in doing what's best for you, whatever that is in your sex and dating lives but that kindness is key.  Check out this episode for sure!!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Welcome to the Straight From the Source's Mouth Podcast Frank talk about sex and dating. Hello everyone. Tamra here. Welcome to the show. Today's guest is Chris Kost from the Swipe Wrong podcast, and he'll share the stuff that works and doesn't work with online dating. And if you like this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well. Thanks for joining me, Chris.

SPEAKER_02: 0:22

No, thanks for having me. Like I I would love to do the whole radio spiel of a longtime uh listener, first-time caller, all that stuff. Uh but uh I've definitely been listening for a while. Big fan of the show. Uh love the authenticity and uh just how uh just just how candid you guys are in your conversations and the topics you guys cover.

SPEAKER_00: 0:41

Well, thank you very much for the compliment and happy to have you on for sure. And I will check yours out. I haven't yet, because I always like to interview first as like like a listener that's never heard you for the first time either. So I like to hear it from you first, and then I will definitely follow and listen after the fact.

SPEAKER_02: 0:58

Yeah, we'll get you some shock value in there for sure. It's uh it's a lot of fun. Um the like uh I can tell you like it started in I think just to the people that are listening right now, I think if I go and say 45 ums, uh I get a cookie, so just be careful of that. If I am doing that, I apologize. Um see there it goes. I was out on dates, so how it all originated, I'm uh single, dating, out, going out, meeting people, and it all just kind of felt like every time I met somebody, they they all felt like they were attracting the crazy. They all felt like they had some sort of crazy, unique thing that happened to them. And each person I sat down next to or sat across from was like, oh my gosh, you won't believe what happened. And even a couple of my friends were like, Oh, I went out with this girl and you won't believe what happened. I can't believe I just feel like it felt like uh felt like they had a big bullseye on their on their back, and and Robin Hood was slinging arrows at them, and it was just the crazy arrows, and they they couldn't couldn't get away from it. And I I was in broadcasting for years back in the day, and I was like, man, somebody just needs to know that that we're all kind of in it together, we're all kind of fighting through this, and there is definitely enough crazy out there to go around for everybody, uh, that's for sure. So I wanted to make sure everybody knew and find a way to get it out there for everyone. So that's that's kind of the concept of how it started. And maybe I'm jumping ahead. I apologize if you were gonna ask something else.

SPEAKER_00: 2:22

No, I like just having a conversation. So yeah, I usually ask like what got you started. So that's the perfect thing. You knew it without even knowing it.

SPEAKER_02: 2:29

Hey, you know, we're sympathy like that.

SPEAKER_00: 2:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 2:33

Yeah. And I I think the one that like there one time that totally put me over the top where I'm like, all right, I think I need to talk to some or get get this out there was uh I went and sat down and I was I was meeting a girl for lunch, and she was just telling me of her her story, and and hers was she was she met a guy on online and she was gonna go meet him for lunch, and she was meeting in uh at some restaurant, and she was the second one to arrive, and she was sitting down, went to go sit down and meet him at the table, and he's he's sitting there, and next to him is is his girlfriend that she had no idea about, and she had no idea what to do, was just completely dumbfounded. And I was like, man, that sucks. I can't imagine that. Yeah, so just stupid stuff like that. And then as as the the show's gone on, we've we put out about 50 different episodes now, and we're on all platforms, and there is some where you're just kind of like, I can't believe that exists, and there's there's some where that just aren't aren't quite as crazy, but more more everyday experiences.

SPEAKER_00: 3:33

Yeah. So because this is educational, and first I want to I while I'm thinking about it, there's a book that someone mentioned totally unrelated to this topic, but I just want to make sure it's the guide to getting it on, just FYI for a guy swears by it, and his girlfriend like brags to his everyone she sees about him when he used this book. So I just wanted to I've been meaning to mention this book for a while, and then we can go back to dating or we can talk about sex too.

SPEAKER_02: 3:59

So no, wait, wait, so let me ask if that's it's that the guide to getting it on, like they both swear by it. Is it like both of them, or is it like, hey, this is what I've learned to do to my girlfriend and she loves it, or what they do to each other, or I think it's the first, yeah, where um he learned what to do.

SPEAKER_00: 4:15

You know, he read the book at 3031 or something, so you know it took him a little longer potentially. But yeah, so he you know swears by it and he mentioned it, so I just wanted to, I've been meaning to mention it, like I said. Okay. So we can incorporate second to this talk too, or just keep with it. But yeah, is it this is quite wrong, obviously. We like because you've heard so many stories, are there some that stand out? Like, you do you get is there a common theme of definitely what not to do? Like, you know, like what have you seen with that?

SPEAKER_02: 4:42

Um, so let me comment about what your your book like guys, um, like I would say guys, if there's an audible version of it, that would be amazing because you know the the attention span's a little different. Most a lot of guys feel like they just need like they won't say it, but you they need a yellow brick road to the pleasure spots, it seems like half the time. They may think they know what they're doing, but if they can get a yellow brick road and and something at the end of that, and if that book's the guide, that sounds like like all right, I'm gonna go on Amazon when I'm done here.

SPEAKER_01: 5:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 5:09

Um stories that stick out. Uh, yeah, there's there's definitely um one story that sticks out, it's it's episode one, uh or episode three, season one, uh we call it gone cat fishing, and where uh a guy goes to he goes out uh to meet a girl on a date and his move was he lived in an apartment across the street, so he'd go out, meet him at this bar across the street, and then hopefully end up back at his house. Um he went out to the bar, and when he did, you know, they're supposed to meet, let's say, at six, and and and I'll just make it a little bit shorter, and you guys can can listen to the show on online, but um the girl doesn't show up, she keeps delaying, she keeps delaying, they're they're talking through Tinder. Uh eventually they start texting, and he's like, Look, I don't think you're gonna make it. I don't see I think you're standing me up and got a little upset, and she texts back and said, said, No, I promise I'm on my way. And then he goes out to his car to leave finally because he's fed up with it. And she says, uh, she says, Hey, I'm I'm inside, where are you at? And he goes back in, and there's really just three guys sitting at the bar and he gets really upset. And this was a couple years ago. This was when Tinder was first out. Uh, and he's like, uh no, you're not there. This is BS. Uh and as he's as he's walking out to his car again, his phone starts blowing up. It says, Hey, can we meet behind the uh the store for a blowjob? Can we do this? Uh, just all these like uh solicitations for a blowjob came up, and he uh started googling his phone number, and this person put his number on back page and said, uh, hey, for a good time, you know, uh contact this person. And he must have like 30 text messages. And he's like, What the hell do I even do? How do I get out of this? What the hell's going on? And eventually it died down. Well, about a year and a half later, him and his buddy go out to a bar, and it's when vape first started, and people were vaping, and he sees this guy at the bar with this, like looked like a dragon with the vape that he was sending out. And he's like, I need to get to know that guy, that guy and I need to be best friends. So they start talking and they actually hang out, exchange phone numbers. Um, and the next day that he gets a friend request from this guy, and he's like, This is kind of weird because um uh my friend or the guy who was on the show um uses his first name and middle name on on Facebook, so he's kind of hard to find. And then uh, you know, he's like, whatever, I'll accept the friend request. Well, uh, he downloads Snapchat uh probably about a month or two later. And Snapchat, when it first came out and still does, it combines all of your contacts, like your your phone contacts, your Facebook contacts, and all this stuff. And it took uh the phone number from this girl and mashed it up with the picture of this guy, and it was the same person. So it ended up being this guy catfishing him uh for uh a good time and all that. So that's the one that kind of makes me go, damn, because it it actually spans over a couple years' time and just coincidentally happened to find out about it. So um that one he tells the story better than I do, you know. I might as well start out with Once Upon a Time, and they did not live happily ever after.

SPEAKER_00: 8:02

But uh it almost makes me wonder if he if the guy was like stalking him or something or just similar.

SPEAKER_02: 8:08

Yeah, I mean it's weird how I mean it's a small town, but still kind of weird how it all shakes out, and then they end up finding that this this guy uh was just a lonely, you know, ended up passing away, was a lonely older guy who was just looking for companionship, and this is this is kind of the way he felt like he needed to meet people, which in turn kind of makes it a little bit of a sad story. But it's just crazy how some of this stuff kind of kind of kind of works through. Um but to what you were saying earlier, just some of the things I think the do's and don'ts, um, and and just from listening to people and hearing some of the things that they do, uh women women definitely have it much tougher than guys, too. Uh they have to protect themselves so much more. Um when you mix male ego, anonymity, and keyboard courage, like it's just it slides out sometimes for some guys. They just have don't have nearly the respect maybe that they should, or the or talk maybe the way they should. So um things that I I've learned that I I recommend that especially women do background checks. Um, you know, you're gonna find out a little bit more information about about women. There's plenty of free sites out there that do it. Um, even Credit Karma does a background check. And and granted, background checks aren't exactly gonna tell you, hey, this person is batshit crazy. They're not unfortunately they haven't got to that degree yet, but it does give you a little bit more information on just who you're talking to. Like maybe they're still married and you don't know. So that will at least tell you that on a background check. Um, one thing that I I wasn't like so my journey from dating's gone a little bit different. Like when I first started dating, there was a couple of women who wanted to talk on the phone, and I didn't quite understand that. And like, all right, whatever, that sounds good, but boy, what I've learned over time now, that's definitely something you want to do. Definitely FaceTime. Uh most of the apps uh actually you can do a video chat uh for a couple of reasons. One, you want to see that the person that you're talking to is the same person in the picture. Uh two, just from like a dynamic standpoint, like uh when you're texting, uh it's kind of kind of bizarre how or talking through the app is kind of bizarre. Like you can you can see that this person is pretty witty, but they also have time to formulate a response. So their their witty may not be like that. So you want to make sure that you know, one, it's the person that you've seen in the pictures, and two, that it's uh somebody that you really do have a good rapport with, and somebody like has the worst thing, damn the worst thing. Well, one of the worst things. So if you're sitting across a table from somebody and you can't have a conversation with anymore because they have the personality of of just somebody who doesn't really even exist, so um, and it protects yourself.

SPEAKER_00: 10:41

Yeah. I do have one comment about that though, because I I like a phone conversation, like I've learned that that is that can work, but to me, it almost feels like when guys ask for a video chat, it's like I take it as like, oh, they want to see if you're actually cute enough or something. I don't know. I take it personally. So to me when guys offer, I was like, you've already seen my pictures. Like I am some, I don't have filters, like my pictures are uh you know more recent. So to me, it's like you see you get what you see. But I guess it hasn't always been the case, especially for guys with the cat catfishing. I would assume happens more for guys because there's so many, you know, like I don't know the like they think there's a lot of fake profiles out there for the guys with women. So I can see why you do both. But I don't know. I've always been a little skeptical of that. So now maybe I'll be a little nicer about it.

SPEAKER_02: 11:27

No, no, that's fair. I mean, as long as there's a phone conversation and you have rapport. I mean, I guess it it truly is preference. If you're more comfortable with the with a regular phone conversation than a video conversation, then absolutely. I mean, from the guy's perspective, he may or may not just want to see something without filters, but truthfully, like it's probably not gonna matter terribly much as long as there's a good rapport and they're they're you know somewhat close to the pictures because you know the filters that's the big thing the guy's gonna work for, but but that's nothing compared to what the women have to fight through, that's for sure. Um having uh just a support group, just um friends that you talk to that uh like you, you know, you can screenshot the conversation that uh that you're having with a guy or the girl and say, hey, are you seeing the same thing that I'm seeing? Um if you go out on a date with somebody, hey, I'm going to this location. Uh and then uh, you know, if you don't hear from me, cool, you know, or and then excuse yourself to go to the go to the restroom and then text your friends that you're either okay or that you need that Hail Mary to get you the heck out of there, you know, something along those lines.

SPEAKER_00: 12:29

And I and I have uh male listeners too, like younger male listeners. So if you have any advice for that side of it as a guy, like yeah, no, of course, for the guys, it it it is the same.

SPEAKER_02: 12:39

Like I would say if you can get a video chat, by all means, just to make sure that um what you are seeing doesn't have to be as far as looks-wise, what what you're but but the person that you're talking to, you know, that it's not um some guy in some cave in Russia just trying to uh trying to catfish you. Uh talk to your friends, do the same thing. Talk to your friends, have the support group, tell your friends you're going to uh a date at the bar and that you'll be back in a little bit. There's there's some interesting things that that women do. And same thing, like everybody. There isn't a person I don't think that should not do a background check. Male, female, always do some form of background check just so you have the information and and things just kind of vibe and match up that this person's address is actually somewhere where you're supposed to meet them and not like if you're meeting them in Wichita, they don't have a California address and they're just not out here on vacation. Um and uh guys don't carry a lot of cash on you just in case something happens. If you take somebody back to back to your house, just be like just just I mean, first dates I'd I'd never say pick somebody up at their house or bring it back to your house. You just never know what you're gonna get.

SPEAKER_00: 13:50

Yeah, and and your experience or have from what people have told you, I've heard that and we talked about this in prior episodes that um like 20% of the guys get all the matches and like 80% get none or very few. And um is that your experience from what you've like guys have told you about in the your podcast?

SPEAKER_02: 14:07

Or yeah, there's a ridiculous stat out there that Tinder has that uh 10% of or women get uh 10% of the matches they swipe on, and guys get 0.6% of the matches that they swipe on. Uh so yeah, guys, like I think I think it was one of your bonus episodes I was listening to, and my or one of your your late last season episodes. I think somebody was mentioning do guys even uh read the profiles. Uh and I was kind of chuckling because guys they do read the profiles, but they read them a little bit later on. So uh there is there is something out there that some guys will do. I'm not saying all guys will do, but they'll do something called power swiping to where they'll just pop on the app and they'll just swipe right on everything that comes up. It does two things. One, you know, hopefully it creates a match for them, but the more they're on the app, it puts them in the algorithm and puts their face in front of people a little bit more. So the more they they're on, the more possibilities of match they have. Now, when they match up, that's when they might read the profile. That's when, like, oh, okay, cool, because you can always unmatch at a later date, but uh they're not necessarily taking the time to say, oh, and this girl's like long walks on the beach, likes to be held hand, likes to be kissed on the neck, all that stuff. But later on, they're going, okay, maybe she likes those things.

SPEAKER_00: 15:15

Yeah. Yeah, I I agree. And I think I was in that episode, or one of them talked about that too. Like, just it sucks. Women don't like it, but it is the truth. Like, just accept it. You know, you can get mad about it, or you can just understand that they're gonna read it eventually after you match and you you know you're starting to go out, but they might not read it initially, and you don't have to like take such offense and get so mad about it. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 15:38

Yeah. And and I don't mean to sound like it's all doom and gloom. Like there is really so many, so many great instances of like the hardest thing for for a lot of people is when they're coming out of a long relationship, when they're when they're going through a divorce, and let's say they've been married for 10 years, uh, male or female, the first thing your confidence is shot. You're not sure if you quote unquote have it anymore, whether it be uh just rapport with somebody or if you're if you're good in bed anymore, or anything like that. So um, you know, we have an episode coming up this coming season where this this woman chronicalizes uh you know her experience where she just she felt like her confidence grew immensely just from just from the interactions with people. And some people were awesome and just not a match, and some people were batshit crazy and just not a match, but the the feeling of being wanted uh by people uh it just grew her confidence exponentially. So like even though like dating's changed, like nobody's not many people are gonna hit you with their shopping cart in the grocery store, and then all of a sudden, you know, you're playing serendipity and happily ever after, it just doesn't happen quite that much anymore. Um and uh like I I I I enjoy talking to people in public. I have a pretty big personality, and uh a lot of times I'll just say hi to people and like, bro, what the fuck do you want? Like, I'm just saying hi, I promise. I'm not and they're like, all right, stalker, leave me alone. Shit, that didn't go well.

SPEAKER_00: 17:00

Oh fuck. And I just recorded an episode about this um a couple days ago where we talk about do the in-person thing because as guys, especially if you get so few matches, like that may be the only way you meet people. Get off your phone and uh say hi. Like you don't have to be you know the the creepy meter, you can try to make sure, like you said, just say hi. Maybe even wait to see if they smiled first or smile and see if they smile back or you know, try to read the room and try to see if there's interest. But I mean, it if you don't get a lot of matches, like that's probably how you're gonna have to do it. And if people would just get out there more and start doing that, that used to be how it worked back in the day. Like people didn't realize that's just how it works.

SPEAKER_02: 17:40

The getting roofied, yeah. Um, I think that I I so yeah, I started kind of though we we talk about that too. We call it dating in the wild now when you try to meet somebody in person. And uh I think I think the most successful conversation starter that I've had has been the grocery store, where I accidentally throw something in the wrong shopping cart. So there, if people want something that might work for them, I think that's oh shoot, I'm sorry. I thought that was how you doing, and it's like and then then I don't know, the guards down a little bit, but like the bar, you know, like you just you hear a lot of stories about anybody with um just stuff being in public. Uh so just just definitely uh you know, just just be kind. That's that's the thing I think they get lost. Um the questions that it goes.

SPEAKER_00: 18:27

No, I'm just saying if you even if it's like kind of awkward for you or you're shy, like just say that. Like, I don't usually do this, I'm really shy, but I think you're cute, whatever. You know, just say something to put it out on awkward.

SPEAKER_02: 18:38

I heard once uh like the best thing you can do when you are nervous about something is just say, hey, I'm nervous about this, and then you've kind of professed your fear, and then everybody's on the same page. Hey, look, you're really beautiful, and I'm so nervous talking to you, and then like it's either become awe sweet, or you know, it it's death, and it's also a conversation start because there isn't, I mean, it seems like more people have more issues talking to each other in public than they do anything socially awkward, anxiety, and you know, things like that pop up. But uh kindness just trumps everything. So if you just can stay with the kindness, you're okay. Um I I was trying to think of uh some other things. So just as people are out on dates, you know, the women or men thing to protect yourself with is obviously uh keep an eye on your drink. Uh, you know, there's there's some things out there that dating that just people uh you know uh like uh don't want to get anything put in them. So just all the normal stuff that you had to do when you were regular dating. Now that you're out with somebody, you want to do as you're still doing doing the swipe right or swipe left, uh swipe wrong dating as well. So it's it's all the same stuff. Protect yourself more than anything, but just be like, I think also the best way to look at it is experiences over expectations. If you can look at it as hey, this is gonna be a great new experience, we'll see what happens, as opposed to this is the one we've had great chemistry, we'll see what happens, but go through the experience and then maybe it'll lead to something from then on.

SPEAKER_00: 19:58

Yeah, and if you enjoy the moment, you're More likely to go out again, which would then in turn potentially be long term. But if you worry about it and stress about it and think about it the whole time in your head about are they the one you know assessing their worth the whole time?

SPEAKER_02: 20:14

Exactly. And there is there is definitely stories. Like and it feels like there's levels as people go through things. The first level of of it is do we have good communication online? All right. The second level is like not like you're leveling up, but I have to go through these different levels to see if things work out. Do we have good communication while we're face to face? Are we sexually compatible? Like, is the sex good? Then after that, it's like, all right, down the line, if if if somebody's angry, is the communication communication style still the same? Like is this person a yeller? Is this person a talker? You've got to feel like so you go through all the same cycles of trying to figure out if it's a match, and it's not necessarily blamed on I met this person online. It's like it's still the organic growth that you have between each other.

SPEAKER_00: 20:55

Yeah, I've just binge watched the Love is Blind season three. I was I was overseas out of town, so I didn't catch up on a lot of it. But it's yeah, it's the the steps you mentioned. Like first you like figure out do you are you compatible and have a lot of stuff to talk about. And then the next step is they they see each other, you know, and then they and then they start l being in the real in the wild together, living together, trying to figure out that part of it, which a lot of times goes south forum in the episodes. But yeah, like you said, there's like steps to it to figure out. And and so since you mentioned sexual compatibility, and this is a sex and dating, um like a lot of women get offended when they start talking about sex and or like too early. And to me, it's a compatibility thing. You talk about it, you say, Oh, I like it, do you like it? And okay, that's just like one of the things you check off that you're compatible or not. But so many women get offended when the guys bring it up, and maybe they bring it up too soon or how they bring it up. I don't know. I do not like unsolicited dick pics either, like none of us do. But you know, just bringing it up is in my mind is more of a compatibility thing. Have you have you had that conversation in your yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 22:00

So we've talked, and and it's it, you're like you're saying, it it ranges from person to person. And and actually, the unsolicited dick pics, I think, is is like the first the first subject I always wanted to like tackle because from a guy's perspective. One, I've never ever in my life known a woman who've said, God, I really am thinking about sleeping with the sky. This guy seems like he's really great. Oh, a dick pic. That put me over the top. I really want to be with this. I've never heard that ever in my life. So I don't understand. Like, I would love to get the the guy who sends the pig and say, bro, why? Why would you do that? What's the shock value? So I I don't know. So I think there's two things, uh, two appropriate responses that uh work when a woman gets a big pick. One, send it to all your friends so you all can either rate it or laugh at it because that is now your picture. They sent that out to you. You definitely say, Hey, look what I got today. Oh my gosh. And then I think how women respond or or in general is interesting because you can either do one of two things. You can response with and respond with, You dumb motherfucker, what did you do? I can't believe you did that. Or you can say, Oh my god, I'm calling the police. I can't believe you have child pornography on your phone. Why would you send me a picture of a child's penis? And then they'll immediately be like, My ego is done, I'm out of here, I'm sorry. So it just, you know, your reaction is polluted. The sexual compatibility piece, um, like when people bring that up, like that was one thing I was gonna mention to you. Like, guys are very quick to ask if a woman is sexual, uh, it seems like more often than not. And uh in that, like, I don't know of too many women that said, no, I've not. Like the only ones, and and you're much more of the expert in this than I am, that's for sure. But the the only people that I or not are people who are in a long marriage and are bored as hell with each other, uh, or some people who have some sort of uh health ailment, and it just just it just may not may not do anything. Other than that, like I don't know of anybody who's been like, oh, great sex, that's not for me. That's really not. I mean, they put that over there with the Oreos, and we're not gonna mess with those today. So it just seems like it's a shitty way to open up a conversation about sex. But again, you're more the expert. That but that's that's my take on it.

SPEAKER_00: 23:58

Yeah, I mean, I think it's more of how you bring it up. And like one guy joked, like we were we were talking about meeting up for a while. We finally were like, I was like, hey, actually, my plans got canceled, maybe we can meet up tonight. So he sent me his address, and he's like, then he wrote, Just kidding. I was like, Yeah, I'm like, I meant like in public, in person, you know, like later, whatever. And then he's like, Yeah, I was just joking. He's like, not that that's a bad thing. I'm like, yeah, I agree. At some point, you know, that'll be cool, but like right now. Yeah. And it was just like I took it as a joke that it was, and maybe and some other some guys have said, like, oh, maybe he didn't really mean it as a joke, and if he would have said yes, he would have been all about it. But I met him after the fact we dated for several months, and that was not how it was. You know, he was it was definitely just a joke, and he was very attractive. And you know, I just took it as a joke.

SPEAKER_02: 24:41

Like and that's see, I think that's more the exception than the rule. I think the yeah, the comments like that are like, hey, let me put it. Oh, I was just kidding. But if you said yes, that would be okay. So it's it's just fishing, it's just the a different way of fishing to see if there's any type of response. And then there's there's always it always seems like there's a couple of uh just uh innuendos that can be taken either way, and then let's just see if the banter goes there. Um that seems like it happens, but uh more than not, it's the it's the hey, let me get your phone number and then I'm gonna blast you with a dick pic. Uh or uh let me or you know, like uh a common question seems like uh are you a sub or dom gets asked way too often. And uh and uh that's right, like hey, like question number five, it should be like question number 455, maybe. So um, and then uh, you know, I think I think the thing the sexual component of it is when people come out of um relationships, I mean that's what ends up happening, and then like, how do I date? Okay, I'll go on the apps. Um like I think the hardest thing for a lot of people is giving them permission to like giving themselves permission to go out and live whatever life that they want to live. You know, like yeah, there is nothing wrong with going out and having a shit ton of sex. I mean, it is it releases endorphins, it's a great time, people are enjoying the fight. I mean, for some for some women, it may be the best 35 seconds of their life. I I don't know, you know, uh, and and then some may go all night long. Who knows? But um it it is that it's okay to do that. Don't like that, go go live male or female. If you want to go out and live quote unquote your whole face, go do it. I mean, that's it's all the quest for happiness. And this is this is everybody's journey.

SPEAKER_00: 26:25

And I do I do know one woman, she has two um two accounts, like one for sex and one for looking for a boyfriend. And so she acts differently on both, and she's looking for you know just sex on one, obviously. And I there's the same guy that mentioned the getting it um what did I call that? Getting it on guide. He also said that he he called it tendering around. He's like, Yeah, I was tendering around, you know, before he met his girlfriend. And so yeah, there's nothing wrong, male or female. And I do have to say it's a college year. Yeah, and and it can be post-like you said post-relationship. This might not be college anymore, but like that's like the time that you want to do it. And I obviously, as someone who has this kind of podcast and does this kind of thing, like I see nothing wrong with it. Yeah, and I do have to say, and I've gotten feedback from a woman, she's like, I'm so glad I listened to your podcast. You know, I was like hesitant to go hook up this guy, and then I listened to it, and I'm like, Yeah, I'm gonna do it. Like, you know, so I'm I'm happy that that kind of stuff has happened from listening because there shouldn't be any shame or guilt about it. You know, we all we're all sexual beings.

SPEAKER_02: 27:26

Yeah. Yeah, like I said in the beginning, one of the things I really dig about your show is the candid conversations, whether it's uh you know about sex or pegging or whatever it is, like there is like I don't know. I mean, we we talked a little bit before, just the journey that people have, like uh the pursuit of happiness is is different for everybody. So go out and do everything. Like there is no such thing, male or female, as oh, or slept there, it's just somebody who's finding some sort of uh sexual freedom and then figuring out what works for them. And in the same token, what doesn't work for them either, like, oh shit, anal wasn't for me. Okay, so uh, you know, we'll just go to sex in public. You know, you just don't know. Go out and have fun, yeah. Just don't get arrested.

SPEAKER_00: 28:06

Yeah, yeah, that's ideal. Unless that unless you're into that too.

SPEAKER_02: 28:10

But yeah, handcuffs could be fun, you never know. It's the whole thing.

SPEAKER_00: 28:16

Yeah, there is no set way to live life. Like, just do what works for you and with your partner. And each partner might be different. Like if you are one way with one partner and then the next person introduces you to something new, then that could be your new thing. And then you bring that into the next relationship, you know. So you're everyone's learning from everyone. And yeah, and uh yeah, on that note, because we talk about alternative lifestyle stuff quite a bit in my up in my podcast, um, you know, people discover that newly too. Like I have a friend that, you know, they've been married 10, 11 years, and now they're just started doing the swinging, opening up their relationship thing. Uh you know, so that's even healthier too.

SPEAKER_02: 28:53

How's that work out?

SPEAKER_00: 28:54

Yeah, I mean, they absolutely like they're all in, they love it.

SPEAKER_02: 28:57

Okay, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_00: 28:58

So I mean, there's and it's not for everyone, you know, it's better than cheating and just doing it with behind people's back, you know. And even people are afraid to even if once you bring that up, you could find out like for five years they've been thinking the same thing, you know, and they finally talk about it. You're like, oh damn, we could have been doing this all along.

SPEAKER_02: 29:15

And if you think about like relationships, even now, like uh since since we are, everyone is on the apps, like everybody's got a roster, everyone's got a starting lineup, a bench squad, you know, they got people in in in minor leagues and stuff like that. So sometimes people just aren't as quick. Like if there is a problem that comes up, you know, they're quicker to move on to the next person, be like, all right, I have all these people to get there. Um, so like relationships just in general, you know, who knows? They could even be changing where you know, man and wife doesn't always exist. They could be like, I I'm I'm with like three or four different people for three or four different reasons. And that that's almost like taking you know into a swinger's role. Like you you definitely have somebody you connect with, but you also may, you know, love other people for different reasons. So who knows? Or maybe on bat shit crazy. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00: 30:01

I totally agree. I think that that's totally true. I I could easily love more than one person and and like you said, different different outings for different people, different situations for different people.

SPEAKER_02: 30:10

And so yeah, I think it's I I know it's your show, but let me ask you a question. Um, so like I usually tell people like if you are gonna like initially the first time you have sex with someone might always be the worst because you're fumble around, you don't know each other's chemistry. I usually say give it like two or three times before you give up on it. Am I crazy on that?

SPEAKER_00: 30:29

Um yeah, uh no, not no, you're not crazy. I'm I'm agreeing with you. Okay, okay. I meant to say I'm sorry. I'm agreeing with you. I'll own it. I've had I've had good experiences on the first time, so I will say that. Right. But yeah, like I mean, one time like we were drinking too much, or he was drinking too much, so it was like not that great, you know, whatever. And then and he was even kind of like I don't know, just off. And then we ended up he was like one of my like one that got away kind of guys. So yeah, you can definitely and I I think I've said that before where we had potential, like it wasn't quite up to speed, but yeah, you don't know each other yet, and and you learn more each, you know, every time you do it. And and like you said, the guys want the yellow brick road, they want to, they want, they want feedback, they want to know like what works for you. And so few women are able to say or at least verbalize, either know it or verbalize what they want. And it's kind of like you know, they either they feel ashamed if they would be like, do this and this and this, and they think the guy might be put off. But guys, you can confirm or deny, but guys want to know what you like so they can they want to please you.

SPEAKER_02: 31:31

Yeah, yeah, they do. They will every like the the hardest part a guy has is putting their ego away and and being like, wait a second, I I don't know everything about everything. The moment they do that, the better everybody is, everybody involved is because everybody grows from that.

SPEAKER_00: 31:46

Yeah, and even if it worked for one person, you could just say, like, oh, this used to work. Like, oh, I guess, you know, is this not working, or would what would you like better or different, or you know, if and that's we have a lot of conversations about this, you know, communication. But I know it's not easy for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02: 32:00

Yeah, 100%. Yeah, I guess you know, to to go back on the dating and whatever sort of just just do everything you can to protect yourself, just in general. Male, female, just protect yourself. You're not sure, you know, what type of um what type of great experience you're about to have or what type of crazy you might run into. I mean, but uh I would like the the number one thing is definitely experiences over expectations. Like if you can just enjoy the experience out of it, you're gonna go a lot farther and not be as frustrated. Like so many people hate the staging experience and and think so badly of it. But uh truth is like I look at I look at how uh I interact on it now versus how I did when I first got on the apps, and it's entirely different. It's entirely different, and and uh uh the the stories are still out there, but it's still like we're all kind of in it together. So if we can look out for each other, that's the best thing we can do.

SPEAKER_00: 32:51

Yeah, definitely. And since that was kind of the conclusion for the episode, I'm assuming for you. Do you want to share again? I know you talked about your podcast itself, but is anything else you want to share about how to get a hold of you or just the podcast?

SPEAKER_02: 33:02

Oh yeah, yeah. You can email us at swipewrongpod at gmail.com, give us a call at 317-426-6616. Uh truth is I'm on everybody's story. Like every like I said, we're all in it together. So some stories are greater than others, uh, but everybody's got a story and everybody can learn something from each other. We're on every platform. Um, swipe wrong podcast, so take a listen. And uh uh I'm like I said, I'm just happy to talk to anybody and see what's going on. There's there's some crazy, crazy and awesome shit out there. I mean, we have one girl on her first date where a guy put his laundry in her car and asked her to do his laundry. She's going, What the fuck? You know, that's not exactly roses. That's a different way to go.

SPEAKER_00: 33:40

Yeah. Yeah. Definitely interesting tact. Right. All right. Well, unless you had more to say. I was saying.

SPEAKER_02: 33:50

No, thank you. I just want to say thank you. You're amazing. You're doing an awesome job. Keep doing what you're doing. You're helping so many people out.

SPEAKER_00: 33:54

All right. Well, I was gonna thank you. But yes, thank you for your compliment and thank you for being on. I definitely enjoyed it. And we will continue our conversation after we stop recording. But I like to keep the episodes around 30 minutes because I know people's attention spam spans are getting lower and lower these days.

SPEAKER_02: 34:10

Mine for sure.

SPEAKER_00: 34:11

Yeah. Definitely, thank you very much. And I hope you get a lot out of it, um, those of you who listened. And if you loved it, definitely rate it and um uh subscribe, follow all the stuff. Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_01: 34:24

Right! Right off, uh