#046 Sex/Life Show Discussion and Personal Discovery

Cynthia Pinga, Chris and I talk about the Netflix show Sex/Life.  You'll hear some great insight from Cynthia who is a happiness coach and helps milennials with low self-confidence grow and set goals in all areas of life leading to a more fulfilling life.  We talk about the importance of failing, and living according to your principles.  You'll hear Cynthia talk about what happens after the "Happily Ever After" where most movies and shows end.  She thinks this show represents a good behind-the-scenes view of what relationships and personal growth can offer.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Welcome to the Straight from the Swords of Health podcast. Chris talk about sex and dating. Hello, everyone. Tamra here. Welcome to the show. Today's guests are Cynthia Pina, and Chris is back from the Toy Prong podcast. And we'll be talking about the show sex life. If you like the episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well. Thanks for joining me today, Cynthia and Chris. It's an interesting topic. If you haven't been watching the show, definitely check it out. The first season is quite racy and a lot of sex, but the second season is more about the people. So we'll jump right into it, Cynthia. And I know you wanted to talk about the second season primarily so we could talk about the you know the individuals. So what did you want to, what was your main point, or do you want to start with why you want to talk about it, like and what you do?

SPEAKER_02: 0:53

Yeah, so um I I've watched the first season and the second season, I I I saw that there was a lot of character development. And I think from that character development, myself as a happiness coach, I saw that from a very personal development point of view. I saw how the how the characters um evolved and trying to be, you know, like their best self, uh trying to get the best out of life, I would say. So I think one of the main points that I would like to highlight would be that you know it's it's how we re rediscover who we really are. And I think in the second season, um all the characters were actually trying to rediscover who they really are. And um, you know, we all we all want to have the best life that we want in life, right? And the thing is that sometimes we get drowned in the different stages of life. I think this whole this this whole series was mainly focused on Billy. And Billy was you know a mother, she was a wife, and she actually had some form of education. She had a very high, she was holding a master's degree, right, before she did her PhD in season two SBC. But I think all that you know new motherhood thing, it kind of took a troll on her relationship, right? And yeah, and and and I think that's when a lot of times people who are in a relationship, they kind of they they kind of lose themselves, you know. And I'm speaking these based on my own experience as well. I have two young kids, and you know, when when you have kids, young kids especially, you your main priority changes. The whole dynamics of the relationship changes, and you focus on them and the people around you, and sometimes you kind of get drowned in in all this thing, and one day you start questioning, you know, who am I exactly? Right, and and and I think one of the best ways to actually figure that out is to actually have goals. And by having that, you kind of like realign yourself with you know what your principles are, what your values are. Because I think that in a relationship, sometimes we not just in a relationship, I think in life we just you know go through life as it is. We don't really figure out like what we really want in life until something happens to us, right?

SPEAKER_00: 4:00

Yeah, yeah, we're not choosing or creating what we want, we just go with whatever happens, right?

SPEAKER_02: 4:06

Right, that's right. And and and that's when that sometimes we kind of like lose ourselves. I think that was what happened to Billy, you know, she kind of lost herself in all her motherhood, and she didn't exactly have much of social life, and um, you know, I I think the only friend that I I I saw was um Sasha, right? And I think that relationship kind of like um went dry. Now the thing is that you know Cooper has been a very, very good man. I mean, he is a family man, he focused on his career, he focused on giving the best for his family. And I can totally understand that when you uh focus on your work and you know you're the only sole breadwinner for the family, you focus on you know making sure that that everything's being taken care of. And I think you know, when he comes back home, he's tired, he watches TV and he goes to sleep. But then, you know, there's there's one part of life that is not being addressed, and that is the relationship part. That is, you know, that's I think that's I think that's a whole point why this show is even called Sex Life, right? Because that part was was kind of like down the drain, right? Yeah, yeah. And Billy was struggling with it. Um because I think not just women but men as well. We all have desires and and we all have needs, and some of those needs need to be met, and which was why she started, you know, journaling and then starting fan uh started fantasizing about Brad, her ex-boyfriend, and you know, the great sex that they had. But the thing, like what I mentioned, you know, the whole dynamics change when you're in a marriage and you have kids, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 5:58

As Christy as a guy.

SPEAKER_01: 6:00

Yeah, let me hit so as a guy. Let's hold on, let's hold off on the as a guy part. All those guys had abs, and I haven't had those in a little while. I need some more sit-ups and a lot more water. Not that, but so Cindy, I have a question for you. So season two definitely focused, I think, uh, like you're saying, on uh the women's like like Sasha's career path.

SPEAKER_02: 6:21

Right.

SPEAKER_01: 6:22

Did that speak to you more than Billy's personal growth? Is that what you identified more with?

SPEAKER_02: 6:28

Um, well, I was pretty much focusing on Billy because um why when when I first started watching season one, I think um I actually I can't remember how I started watching season one in the first place. Um I was watching the movie 365, if um, you know, if you guys are familiar with it. Um and and so I'm not sure if I spoke to a friend about it, um, or you know, after watching that 365 days movie, it um Sex Life appeared in my Netflix um feed. I'm not sure. Um, but then I watched it, and when I watched it, I watched it mainly because of initially my intention was to just watch it and see, you know, how hot the the scenes were.

SPEAKER_01: 7:20

Me too. Me too. Like I'm like, oh, another sex scene. I'm in, I'm in.

SPEAKER_02: 7:25

Yeah, but I think episode one, uh, when I watched episode one, it just um it just spoke to me because at that point, when I watched, when I started watching it, I was kind of like at a low point emotionally. I wouldn't say that I hate rock bottom, but I was um, you know, emotionally I was kind of like very um at a at a low point. And and that first episode kind of spoke to me. I felt so much connection with Billy because um I grew up from a s in a small town, you know, just like how Billy said, Oh, I'm from Atlanta, Georgia, and then you know, she also wanted to work in the city. And yes, I've kind of had that transition too from a small time going working in the city, and then after getting married, I kind of like shifted from the city to a much um, I wouldn't say the suburbs, but um, you know, a much quieter place, um, where life work-life balance is much more um uh balanced there. But um, yeah, and so in that first episode, I cried, I laughed, I was happy, you know, so much of emotions going through. Um yeah, so so very much I was focused on believe. But yes, I did see um Sasha's uh career path growing in season two as well. Because again, you know, this comes back to really discovering who you really are, because you know, Sasha was um she was more focused on her career, but again, she was ignoring that that part of life, that that relationship part, that her need of being loved, um uh, you know, it's been it was left out, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 9:12

So, and and then I'll say from the guy perspective, like I was I was watching season one and then finished season two not too long ago. Cooper's gotta be the nicest guy on the planet. Like, there's so many times I'd have been like, oh, peace, like take care of yourself. I know you gotta figure he is the coolest dude in the past. And like Brad, uh, like there's times when I wanted to punch him in the throat, and then like uh there was that point when they're both chilling up in his loft, uh, Cooper and Brad, and they're talking out. I'm like, all right, bro code, this is cool. So there was there was definitely some some cool scenes when that rolled through. And uh like I I assume uh for both of you, like the 8515 that Billy talked about, the 15 that was just like she couldn't quite put her finger on what was wrong, is what seemed like drove her to you know figure out the rest of her happiness. The happiness is the son of a bitch, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_02: 10:04

Well, I think that that that yeah, you know, I I remember that that um scene where she went to talk to Dr. Summers about it and that 85-15 and she said, okay, so Cooper wins because you know Cooper gets like the 85%. But when I saw that, I think that you know, we all have something of what we call our um energy tanks. We have, for example, our energy, um, emotional energy tank, and then we have our mental energy tank. We have you know so many tanks, and and if that 15% was is what that was needed to fuel the 85%, you gotta take care of that of that 15%. You get what I mean? Yeah, because um that's that's one part, which is why I mentioned goal setting earlier, because in goal setting, you literally have to um set goals in like all the different areas of life if you really want to balance it out.

SPEAKER_00: 11:09

Do you have examples of like the types of goals you're talking about?

SPEAKER_02: 11:12

Or just or in every area, I guess you're saying, but yeah, in in every so so some of the areas um I that's like eight to twelve areas, but I usually stick with eight. So it's your uh family, your family life, your relationship, your financial, your career, your mental or intellectual, and then um there's your lifestyle as well, you know. So this is some of the some of the areas of your life that you want to set goals in. So, for example, if you want to set um goals in your relationship area, then you may think of now goals in a relationship area, especially if you are in a relationship um uh with a partner or with a spouse, you want to talk and um align these goals together. Right? Yeah, you know, I feel like Chris wants to say something.

SPEAKER_01: 12:06

Oh no, no, I'm just not in agreement. I don't want to say no, I totally agree. Like it's if if they can't if you can get there, awesome. Uh the road to get there is the struggle, I think, that you see in the show.

SPEAKER_02: 12:17

Yes, yes. And you know, I like to look at sex life as the behind the scenes after the happily ever after. You know what I mean? Yeah, you know, Disney movies always end with um uh happily ever after, but you know, the real thing, especially in marriage, starts after that, and I think sex life portrays this um this whole scene perfectly. These are the different um challenges and difficulties that you have to go through. It it it it doesn't mean that when you have your happily ever after, things are gonna be, you know, a full bed of roses. Um yeah, you're still gonna have struggles because you're gonna start to evolve, the relationship is gonna evolve, the relationship is gonna grow, and you can't be the same person that you are when you were at as you were at the start of the relationship, right?

SPEAKER_00: 13:16

Definitely, and because people grow and change, and then also if you're both not working towards it, it's gonna falter. Right, right. You have to both choose it and want it and make it work.

SPEAKER_02: 13:26

Yeah, and now that that brings me to, you know, like the second theme that which I I saw in the show is that to live according to your principles. Because, you know, like like what Chris mentioned earlier, yeah, Cooper was a good guy there, right? Um, yeah, but everybody, um all of us, all of us have principles. We all have our values, but sometimes we do things that go against our principles. So for example, like Cooper, you know, when he was going through that divorce, that day of the divorce, um, he were just putting aside, you know, all the good moments that he had, right? And and then Devin came with the car, and you know, and he there were still flashes of you know good memories, and he was just putting it away. And the thing is that when things like that happen in your life, when you're in in a situation and you're having certain memories or certain um thoughts that go through your mind, that is something saying to you, that is actually your conscious saying to you that, hey, this is not exactly who you are. You know, you you have a certain principle because when when you stand by your whole principle um of your life or whatever decision that you're gonna make, when you go against it, your brain is gonna hit you back and say that, okay, these are the things that you've you've done. You're not this way, right? You're not exactly this kind of person. So, so the and and that is a whole function of the brain. You know, the the brain is a reptile brain, and it's um it's meant to protect you, it's meant to make sure that you don't do things uh that is dangerous for you. And so if you go against your own principles, then your brain is gonna be that you know, going to the protection mechanism and say that, hey, this is not who you are. So uh, you know, um do the right thing.

SPEAKER_00: 15:38

Yes, yeah, your brain and your body. Like I had recorded an episode earlier where you feel it in your body too. It's just you generally people ignore that, those kind of feelings and thoughts.

SPEAKER_02: 15:48

Yeah, yeah. And so I think that, you know, that car accident that Cooper had um with uh I think Bianca, who was with him, that the girl that was with him in the car, and she was talking, um, you know, she was talking about you know, um, pretty much exactly the words that Billy mentioned uh after the divorce, right? You know, those beautiful moments, you gotta honor them. And he was just like, Stop it, what are you doing? You know, he was again trying to just put it out of the window. He didn't want to think about it. Um and I think that is no coincidence that that person was in his car for that reason instead of the other girl, you know. Um, because sometimes that's the beauty of life, you know. Sometimes you try to push things down, eventually it's gonna come around, you know, in in whatever way that's necessary to make you realize that um, you know, this is not who you are, and you've got to change, or if you have to change for the better, right?

SPEAKER_00: 16:52

Yeah, yeah, it'll get so bad that you just can't stand it anymore. Yeah, you finally want to change.

SPEAKER_02: 16:58

Yeah, and I think this um, you know, this principle-centered um way of life, uh, this is actually okay, this is how I kind of started my whole journey in personal transformation um before I even became a happiness coach. I think when I was like 17 or 18, I borrowed this book from my local library. It's called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teams. Um, it was written by Stephen Covey's son, Sean Covey. And, you know, because I was 17, 18, about that age, that book spoke to me um like uh it just you know, it just turned my world around because in even the introduction of the book, he mentioned you know the different principles, uh the different centers that we can center our life on. But one of the best ways, I think at the end, he didn't mention that the best way to live your life is to live a principle-based life. And because you can never go wrong with that, you know. Um, a principle is a principle, and and uh that that is how it is. Right? Your core values, some of your values, the thing that you value may change as you grow. For example, you may not value time, but you know, after some kind of incident or something happens, then your priority against time is gonna change. You just like just like Cooper, you know, he felt that he didn't want to value all the beautiful moments anymore. But uh eventually, you know, things came around and and and you just have to um value those. And towards the end, um he realized after the accident, he realized that he has to be grateful of the things he had and didn't have. And I think you know, gratitude is one of the main components if you really, really want to practice happiness in your life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 18:56

I think if you're talking principles too, I think the other the other part just from the other character was the conversation Billy had with her mom and about how uh her mom taught her Shane. Right. And uh and that was that was that was a pretty interesting conversation. Like, oh, okay, I get that. And then mom put the script. And then also in Cooper's side after the accident and after the cocaine wore off too, that always helps.

SPEAKER_02: 19:18

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I I think yeah, that conversation that we had with her mom was also interesting. Um, yeah, with the cocaine, uh, yeah, you know, Cooper isn't some someone who does those kind of stuff. Which is why he was like, uh, you know, when Devin came and he was like, okay, you know what? Uh fuck it, you know, and then he just drove away because that that that that is that's that's how life is sometimes too.

SPEAKER_01: 19:47

Yeah, that yeah, that that looked like a a line that you'd see on a football field, the one that he took.

SPEAKER_00: 19:55

Yeah, yeah. I was thinking he was gonna overdose on that one, but I guess that was. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 20:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 20:03

Yeah. I think, I think, you know, a good thing is that he also had, you know, his brother came in later on, and and I think it was good that he kind of had a good support system. Because throughout the whole series, besides Devin, you don't see Cooper having anybody else. Like, like he didn't actually have a support system, you know, a support group or a friend. Um, as compared to Billy. Billy had Sasha, she's you know, she she talked about everything to Sasha.

SPEAKER_01: 20:37

Um and the desperate housewives. She had the other desperate housewives for it. But they were kind of funny.

SPEAKER_02: 20:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, oh well, those wives. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 20:50

They were funny, they were good. They were good.

SPEAKER_02: 20:51

Yeah, eventually, but but then you see, you know, um someone like Trina, who also turned over um Neil Leaf, and she she just left. That you see a character government there as well, because I think she finally figured out that okay, I gotta do something about my life, you know, and um that's that's about it. Yeah, and you know, I also want to mention that after all this happening, we also see that Billy always had someone to talk to, and so you know, make it it just brings me to my next point, which is to say that it's okay to talk it out and to ask for help. This is something that Cooper did not do, um, but Billy kind of did it, you know, uh most of the time. And in fact, she actually um she uh suggested to Cooper that you know maybe we should go for couples counseling, and he shut that off. Again, it brings me to this point of you know, if you actually have a goal set in the relationship, then you will know what steps you need to take for you to grow that relationship. And it's okay to talk it out. I know, guys, you know, men don't really want to talk things out sometimes.

SPEAKER_01: 22:18

You're lucky, you're lucky if you get a text about it, you're lucky. I mean, like maybe on an etch a sketch so we can shake it up and erase it later, so there's no proof. But yeah, yeah, it's it's not in our top five of things to do.

SPEAKER_02: 22:29

Exactly. You know, I think, but you know, you know, man, men are just wired that way, I think, in the sense of, you know, they always try to fix things and that they feel that they can actually fix things on their own. And I'm not just talking about you know in a relationship. I think like, you know, if you are going somewhere new and you have a map, you know, you might just want to try to figure it out, right, Chris? You don't exactly, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 22:54

But like, like uh to what you're saying, like like I believe vulnerability is a strength, but most guys are gonna say, dude, shut up, it's not, it's a weakness. So I mean that's the thing that that guys aren't gonna do. The vulnerability piece, it's you know, they're they're not gonna show that badge. But uh I think professing your fears is is a better way to go and then showing the vulnerability because then that's how you figure it out. Because either way, you know, guys are not gonna say it, but they'll get hurt possibly either way, or you'll grow from it one way or another.

SPEAKER_02: 23:20

Yeah, yeah, that's right. I think uh it's a very good point. But um, and yeah, you know, that what you mentioned, I think is a very, very strong, strong point, you know, vulnerability as uh strength. Yeah, and I think that that you know for for guys, I think that's that's important. And I think, you know, and uh towards the end where um Cooper went for this, I think, support group, he also mentioned that you know I did everything, but there was one thing that I didn't do, which was talking about it. Um yeah, he actually said that and he finally realized that you know um that that is something that he could have done. And I think this is the part where you see Billy talking with Sasha, you see Billy talking to Dr. Summers, and you know, even in my own personal life, whenever I have um some issues, if it's an issue with uh my partner, then I would speak to him and talk to him about it. That you know, I'll just go like okay, can we talk about this? And he doesn't go like he's pretty open, so you know, he he's okay to talking. Unlike some guys, you know, they were like, No, uh, some guys like Cooper, even he was like, No, there's nothing to talk about, you know. I think a lot of guys do that, they just um shut the opportunity out to talk about it because they just don't want to. And by not talking about it, you don't actually solve anything.

SPEAKER_00: 24:55

Yeah, I think though sometimes it's also how the woman approaches it. So if if there's if if if she makes it really heavy, like we need to talk, you know, and then of course they automatically assume the worst.

SPEAKER_01: 25:05

And then you guys are like, I gotta go to the store, I gotta mow five lawns. Yeah, they're gonna do anything but that's there.

SPEAKER_00: 25:12

Um and I I think we've you've made most of the points you wanted to make. I I wanted to give you time also to share about your um your coaching and your program you mentioned too. And then we can cover some more stuff if you wanted to catch up after.

SPEAKER_02: 25:24

But yeah, so give you the time. Yeah, thanks. Thanks for that. Um so I I am a happiness coach and I help millennial who struggle with self-doubt and lack of confidence in their job or relationship. And I think that you know, sometimes in a relationship, self-doubt can be a thing. Um sometimes self-doubt with all this you know negative self-talk that you have, um it may start in one area of life, say in your job. You might be saying, Okay, you know, I'm not good enough this, but then it can also fall over into your relationship, and that could be a problem because then you find yourself jumping from one relationship to another without actually addressing uh what the root cause is, right? And um, that's that's what I do. I I do that, and I also have my own company, which is called uh debugging minds, right? And soon we will be actually launching an online program which is called Road to Your Success. And you know, you can just head over to our website, road to success.debuggingminds.com, to get all the information there. But basically, this is this is the journey, this is a program where you know I mentioned earlier if you want to set goals and you need to set goals in every area of life. This is the program that you should get yourself onto because um we would help you cover, you know, your your mindset, like you know, yeah, our mind is always playing tricks on us, you know, and sometimes we have some uh limiting beliefs and about ourselves and all that. So this covers that, you know, it covers the pillars of success and um your journey towards creating the kind of life that you want. And I think you know, this whole sex life series is about you know discovering who you are and you know living the best life that you want. And you know, this road to success program will help you get there, getting the life that you want. So I think the the easiest way to connect with me would be on LinkedIn, just find my name, Cynthia Pinga, or um connect with me on my Instagram page, debugging minds. Yep.

SPEAKER_00: 27:44

All right, awesome. And then since Chris, uh, if you have anything you wanted to like um impart or final thoughts or just kind of like uh No, it's good talk.

SPEAKER_01: 27:55

I the only the only thing I I will add my take is uh on some of the stuff you said is that uh rock bottom is uh the best foundation you can build from when you're trying to build yourself back up. So just keep that in mind, too, in my opinion. Other than that, good talk.

SPEAKER_00: 28:08

Yeah, yeah. True and yeah, I was saying I just read recently that you can't succeed without failure. So people are afraid of failure, like you that's it comes with it, and that's how you grow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 28:20

And fail, fail, fail, fail often, fail as much as possible. Because if you keep failing, it just means you're still trying. So just Denzel, I think, said fail forward, just keep failing forward. Eventually, you know, when you're done failing, you got it right. So that's good. So keep failing. Just means you're still trying.

SPEAKER_02: 28:36

Yeah, and I think that that helps you, you know, to be to be the kind of person that you want to become, you know, become a better person. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 28:47

And look at let me add this real quick to like the cool thing of like it's it's how you see it too. Like, I see I was talking about this with somebody the other day. Like, I was like, all right, I need to do better in this category, and I felt like I was failing. So all it really told me is like what I'm doing now isn't working, so I need a new plan. So, all right, cool. All right, let me just get a new plan with the same goal, and maybe I'll have better results. So, failure is failure, just gives you more information.

SPEAKER_02: 29:09

Yeah, that's true, that's true.

SPEAKER_01: 29:12

Winners don't always win. Winners don't win every time. Winners fail a lot to get to winning.

SPEAKER_02: 29:17

Right, that's that's right. You need that, you need that, otherwise you wouldn't know where to improve.

SPEAKER_01: 29:22

Yeah, you know, have to, have to, have to fail, have to love it.

SPEAKER_02: 29:26

Uh, but the I think one of the main things is to be resourceful when you know every time you fail. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 29:36

Yeah. All right, so give you the last words if you want, Cynthia, or if you feel like that was the ending, we can call it to the ending.

SPEAKER_02: 29:45

Yeah, I think um, you know, if there's anything that I would add, I would just say this that always look at the other side of the coin. Because sometimes we are all um having this certain kind of thinking pattern the way we look at things, um, uh in the same way. I think one of the best ways is to just look at the other side of the coin and then maybe you'll see a brighter side of things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 30:12

Okay, awesome. All right, well, thank you very much. Uh if you haven't seen the show, like I said, Sex Life. If you want the steaming, go for season one and then the resolution and how they all grow as people and get the life they want. Um thanks again, Cynthia and Chris for for having on. And uh if you love the episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well. Thanks for listening, everyone. And thank you again, Chris and Cynthia. Thank you.