#49 Revolutionize Your Dating Life: Embracing a Magnetic Mindset with Amanda Koss

What if you could revolutionize your dating life by embracing the mindset of "dating like a dude"? In this captivating episode, I had the pleasure of chatting with Amanda Koss, who shares her valuable insights on how adopting a magnetic approach to dating can lead to more authentic and fulfilling experiences. Together, we explored the idea of embracing a more free-spirited attitude when meeting new people, so you can attract the right partner in the most genuine way possible.

We also touched on the importance of understanding attachment styles and how societal pressures can impact women's approach to dating. Amanda provided some game-changing tips for interacting with guys in a different, yet more magnetic way, such as using dating apps like Tinder, focusing on getting to know one person while still keeping your options open, and being aware of your attachment style. We discussed how to recognize when you're in a magnetic state and the significance of going against what may feel natural, all while keeping your focus on having fun in the moment.

As adults, we should never shy away from taking ownership of our sexual power and the freedom of choice when it comes to choosing a partner. Amanda shared her experiences and advice on approaching dating with an open mind and heart, ultimately leading to a more gratifying dating journey. Don't miss out on the chance to improve your dating life - follow Amanda on Instagram at Date Like a Dude, and check out her website, DateLikeADude.Blogspot.com, for even more inspiring insights.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Straight From the Sources Mouth podcast. Frank talk about sex and dating.

Speaker 2: 0:06

Hello everyone, Tamara here, Welcome to the show. Today's guest is Amanda Koss. We'll be talking about dating like a dude and being magnetic being a magnetic person or not. If you like this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it as well. Thanks for joining me today, Amanda.

Speaker 1: 0:20

Thank you for so much for having me here. I'm so excited to be here today with you.

Speaker 2: 0:25

Yes, i think this will be a good one, and my the first episode of this season talked about how to date, kind of like you're doing it but a lot of people don't realize or do it this way. So how about you describe when, what you mean by when you say date like a dude, like what is that Encompass? or how do you see it?

Speaker 1: 0:42

Yeah, that's a great question. So date like a dude is more just being free spirited about dating. So women most women, not all, but typically most women have an agenda. They want marriage, they want to be in a commitment. Those are the certain things that make them feel comfortable while they're dating And so they tend to hate singlehood and they hate the dating process.

Speaker 1: 1:11

And there are certain specific reasons why that I get into quite a bit on my Instagram and my blog, but it's really about learning how to to turn that around And to go into it with a different mindset, where you're actually there to enjoy the moment, enjoy each person, because that's when we can really authentically attract someone that is right for us, that really complements us in the most authentic way possible.

Speaker 1: 1:47

And I spent about the last nine years researching this because I did follow all the rules and I did get married And when it was a complete mismatch and it was a complete disaster, a big question of mine was I followed all the rules Like why did I get to this?

Speaker 1: 2:10

like dead end zone. So I really, you know, it bothered me so much that I really took a lot of the inner work that I learned during that time because it was kind of a devastating process to be in a dead end marriage and then going through divorce. So I went through like therapy and I've done a lot of inner work. So there's a lot that I learned that I applied to my whole journey of figuring out how to date in a way that is authentic, that's going to be more fun, more magnetic and you just enjoy the process instead of trying to get to the end goal, and so there's a lot that goes into it that I like to go, you know, share with my audience on Instagram and change that up a bit and make it more fun, more breathable, instead of like this, you know, oh, i got to have marriage, i got to have the commitment and you totally end up with the wrong person.

Speaker 2: 3:13

Yeah, and I just talked to someone else about this today She's like, as soon as she likes a guy which, like you were saying, most women do they start focusing only on them and worrying about them, and then they start seeing if they're husband potential and all that stuff. So, yeah, Right. And they can tell when you're doing it and it just. And if they're, i talk about attachment styles too if they're an avoidant attachment style, they're going to like run away from that. The second they can feel it.

Speaker 1: 3:37

So yeah, Yeah, Absolutely. I love attachment style theories. I've looked into those quite a bit And all of that is just so helpful to really allowing a woman who you know you can rightfully want those things. Those are all great goals to have.

Speaker 1: 3:57

but to go through the process of dating, being single like it's it's the happening place, Like this is actually like really an amazing space to be in and it feels great and it's fun and there aren't rules coming down on you from society, which is where normally, where it's all kind of you know constructed, where you know you can't be this free spirit because it could mean you know something, potentially, potentially excuse me like, like threatening to our Let's, let's say like you know the word, like being Like, you know, like your heartbreaker, or are you just you know you date a lot and you know There's a lot of like negative connotations around it and a lot of women are pretty vulnerable to those labels.

Speaker 1: 4:51

so It can be a scary place and that's why a lot of us have a lot of anxiety around being single. because if you're not, If you don't have the goal to get married or settle down right away, Then you look promiscuous or you look you know any any low-vibes word you want to use, like that's literally what a lot of women tend to fear. and Yeah, it's a shame, you know, because we really don't Like that's all made up, That's not even a real thing.

Speaker 2: 5:21

Yeah, i mean that that is pretty much the purpose of my podcast to is to talk about like women like sex just as much as men, and There shouldn't be any stigma or shame or any of that. And we don't. We don't have any of that here, and this is educational. A lot of people learn that very thing. So, yeah, that's the whole point. So, yeah, you're an example of how it could be and how it's fun.

Speaker 1: 5:42

As are you. I love, i love that this, your pops. It's really an amazing spot that women can, you know, relearn and unpack a lot of the stuff that You know. Many aren't even aware that like is, you know, weighing on their mind like they we've just, you know, got to this planet and just kind of like sink into the societal role of like, oh okay, like being single and, you know, dating whoever I want at any time, and not being in a commitment like means Something horrible about myself, and we don't even think to question that and think, like, well, where did that come from, like, why is that a rule? But there's, you know, an opposite gender that doesn't really have that rule. So It's, it's something that you know to stop and in question To really to see like that It's just kind of it's an illusion. So it helps to just unpack that and, like, get that off your shoulders So you can, you know, move in a more authentic way in your single life.

Speaker 2: 6:50

Yeah, for sure. Do you want to give some examples of like what you do that's daily, like a dude or being magnetic, or your typical dating style Like how, how are you, how do you interact with guys that they can tell the difference?

Speaker 1: 7:01

for sure, for sure, gosh, let's see. So, on Trying to think like okay, so, for example, let's say, you know, i am an active participant on Tinder. I think it's a great site, a lot. It has some, you know, kind of a bad reputation, but I think it's great. So, yeah, so Tinder, i've met some pretty awesome guys from Tinder and So when I connect with one and start, you know, getting to know them, vice versa, we have a great day, whatnot?

Speaker 1: 7:42

The typical thing to do is to you focus on one person and Again, like, if you don't focus on one person, again, there's kind of like that creepy feeling of like, oh, you're gonna be called like a certain me. That's gonna make you look bad, because I've actually seen that happen amongst other women and like, like guys and stuff, and it's like, and You know, and it's actually like I'm glad it does, because you know, that's where I love getting into that conversation and Really kind of like start opening up some minds rather than keeping them close. But But yeah, when you know I connect with somebody and I like them and I get to know them, like I certainly love to go out with them and I love to get to know them and Go out as far as, however, it feels great to go, like I'll definitely be that, but Like it's it's really not the time to just stay focused on one person. Like It's it's really like the time to go against what you naturally are thinking, because, again, that's conditioning To keep your options open.

Speaker 1: 8:58

So, like that's what I like to do and I like to Do just that, even if I met someone really right, like like I, i literally will still continue to, like, you know, chitchat with other people, because you know, a lot of the times also, like the pressure builds, like to be to make this one situation, this one person, turn into your relationship, and That's where you kind of like, can fall into the vibe of like, oh, you know, like it, this is, this is like the person and I'm gonna wait for them, because you know the man may not be ready for that and And maybe you are, and then it just becomes like a waiting game and if, if you're both not on the same page, then it's kind of a push-pull and that isn't very, it's not very magnetic behavior in my opinion. So it's best to just keep things open, which, again, that's something that I like to do, like on Tinder.

Speaker 2: 10:04

Yeah, for sure. And then I talked about the attachment styles already. But if you're anxious attachment style, if you're not getting texts from the one guy you want to get texts from, you get All anxious. But if you have many people texting or contacting you, then it doesn't matter if one does, because another one probably will or you can Message them. So it's another way to. But yeah, i mean, this whole season is like that's became.

Speaker 2: 10:24

The theme is just, you know, not trying to like you're saying just pick one and go there, because that's the season three opener, there's a they're dating coaches that they talk about the same thing. So So like what have you have guys reaction been when you're just like as a magnetic person? like what would? how would they describe it? or how, what they could tell that you're or you just have a lot of interest? I guess would be one way. But Yeah, i mean, i guess like how, how can men, how would you know that you're magnetic as you it's just because you get lots of attention or they say something, or like you just feel it I know you've mentioned mindset like just kind of I'm trying to show more women that this is not a good thing, that this is the way to go. So like, how, like, what is your responses from guys? or how, like you just already said, dating is fun. So like, i guess say more about that. Or like just your experiences in general.

Speaker 1: 11:17

Yeah, um, so, like the magnetic part. How do I know when I, when I am magnetic, it's more about my own energy, where I'm thinking or I'm feeling like Not so bogged down and weighed down by, like I guess in my head, like does this person like me? Am I gonna get a text from him? is, is he having fun with me on this date? like a lot of those thoughts, they, they just they won't even be a factor, like you kind of already have self-affirmed, for You know your self-worth and like and more just about like the type of person you are, your personality and so, and usually you know you feel light and you feel playful and you feel like You know there really aren't many doubts in your head.

Speaker 1: 12:14

I mean I can't speak for like the the first state jitters, because I'll still get them and you know I'll just kind of I Set my dates up to Make that work for me, so it's not really a whole whole thing. But But yeah, aside from that, like I I know I'm like in that vibe when I'm not questioning, like if that person likes me, if You know, like I'm just more focused on having fun in the moment, because when that is more of the goal. Like you're just, you're there to Get to know someone and like a fun, light-hearted way, because this is your first state, this is, like you know, not the time to think if this person is a good match for forever, because you won't know that until later on. Like you got to give, like you know, some time so.

Speaker 1: 13:03

But the magnetism really helps when you know it's more of like an inner game where you've done Certain things on the inside to kind of show up in a way where you just feel like good to be there, like you're just like okay, i'm here, like I'm ready to have fun, like, like. Like, for example, like I don't, do you sit down dinner dates for first date, like I like to do active dates for one. I'm way too nervous. Like I, i'm not. I think I thrive more on Active dates, like, and it could just be something as small as like hey, let's go meet up at a gelato shop and go walk down by the beach, or like.

Speaker 1: 13:44

Or if you live near a park or something and like taking walks, or like a bike ride or like you know doing something where you're like in motion and the attention is off yourself and you're more in the moment and you can really learn a lot about somebody when you're Actively doing something together, versus sitting down and listening to them talk about themselves. It's half the time. They're not even accurate. They'll contradict themselves, like you know, a quarter of the way into your day of sitting down. It's like I, i just don't even ask people about themselves. I'm like they'll show me, like they'll just show me through their actions, the type of person they are like I. That's always worked very well for me. But But yeah, definitely the goal is to really Feel good within yourself first and show up that way on the date and make fun the priority.

Speaker 2: 14:38

Yeah, then be present. It sounds like to yes.

Speaker 2: 14:40

Yeah, then they do yeah and they do say that, like car rides are like the best way to like not to say, go on a date in The car because that would be bad on the first date, but the fact that you're sitting like next to each other instead of looking at each other, people can like say more things. So, like you're saying, if you're actively walking and you're both looking forward, instead of worrying about your app, to say more stuff, then if they're like looking directly at you, like you might be more revealing or something. So yeah, it's a good, a good idea totally.

Speaker 2: 15:08

Yeah, who's to say what else do you talk about on your Instagram? or we can talk about how to reach you first and then say stuff after.

Speaker 1: 15:15

Oh sure, sure. So on my Instagram, my Instagram handle is date like a dude. But I like to dive into a lot of mindset because we have to deal with ourselves first, because that's that's exactly what we're going to bring with us when we're on a date, when we're mingling with somebody. So I like to address that first, and a lot of it has to do with paying attention to our thoughts and the things that we say, because that's really going to give us a great mirror to what's going on inside And we can move those things around. We can look at it, adjust them.

Speaker 1: 15:59

You don't always have to figure out why they're there, but just having a general awareness of where your stance is on dating, flirting, all the steps that you can take within you know the dating realm, it's all very important because that's what makes your magnetism higher or lower.

Speaker 1: 16:19

So so I like to just focus on you, like that's. That's where it all stems from. It's hardly ever about the other person, because you're the creator of your experience And it's all going to come through your thoughts, and it's really helpful when you can align your thoughts and let go of the ones that aren't supporting your happiness. So it's really, it's really just, you know, an inner game And so I talk about that a lot. So that's the majority of it. And then secondary you know, there are certain things that like in dialogue when you're talking to a guy on a first date I'm sorry, on a first conversation on a dating app that I like to say to give as an example as to what would be something lighthearted instead of like serious and like I'm here for marriage like I'm here for commitment.

Speaker 1: 17:23

I like to kind of flip that to where it's like you're going into it again, being more present, a bit more playful and just to enjoy And what are your?

Speaker 2: 17:32

what's your take when they bring up sex? I've talked about this before. As to me, it's a compatibility thing. They're just trying to see if, like if you both have high libidos, if that's the case or whatever it is. And it doesn't mean that they want to have sex with you. I mean they probably do, but not like immediately. It's not like you have to just because you talk about sex, but like where do you do? I assume you don't get offended either.

Speaker 1: 17:53

I love that question. Yeah, i love that. That's actually one of the best things about this whole present moment lighthearted, magnetic stuff. It really is not being afraid to like have those conversations. Like if they come up I always say like I'd be offended if the guy didn't want to have sex with me.

Speaker 1: 18:13

Like of course he wants to. Like you're attractive, like you're, you're fun, you're great, you're a great person, and so it's like, why wouldn't they want to have sex with me? Like, why wouldn't they be attracted to me? So I like to always, you know, i always feel that way when I, when I get into conversations. So if it is somebody that that looks attractive in their photos and you know, i usually like I tend to be more flirty, like I, you know I'm more of a I like to say like the third grade boy on the playground, it's like pushing the girl, like and that's their way of like, showing that they like the girl. It's just like, kind of like a backwards, flirtatious move. But I'll be that way a little bit in conversation because it's just a bit more of like, more authentic to my like nature, but it's just mainly being playful.

Speaker 1: 19:06

And if it leads to the point where they're like bringing up sex or they're, like, you know, saying that I don't know, occasionally like there will be someone who's like, like extremely forward. But again, like you know, and if I feel like that's like too forward for me, then I'm just like, like I'll just push back in like a joking way, like. I won't read them like the right acts, where I'm just, like you know, yelling at them. It's more just like, like. But you need to, you need to slow your roll a little bit. You need to buy me dinner first and then see where this goes, or something playful Because it sets the bar.

Speaker 1: 19:42

Men are very, you know, goal oriented and they like to strive and, you know, do all those types of things. So you know, my conversations kind of are structured that way when it comes to dating, because they generally want to do the right thing. They just some know how to do it, some don't, somewhere somewhere in the middle. So you just give them that direction, like you know what, you can just slow down. He maybe gets to know me first, yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:12

And, like I said, just because they bring it up, but yeah, it's just addressing it And so what's some what's up? since this is educational, what would you say for a guy to like? that's listening if they want to? how? how can they talk about it without offending people? or just do it, and then the girls that like it will like it. Do you have any thoughts on that?

Speaker 1: 20:32

Yeah, yeah, that's a great question. So if, if you're a guy and you know you're interested in a woman on a dating app and she's attractive, like, feel free to, like, you know, shoot out compliments or you know, even you know you can push it a little bit and just you know, say like something along the lines of like oh gosh, you're, like, you're so attractive, like I don't even know if I'd be able to keep my hands to myself, like when I first met you, or something like silly, like that. But it's more, you know, there are a lot of women that will get any whiff of you know flirtatiousness and it will be taken like So wrong. So I feel like men have to tread carefully, you know, because I feel like slowly, women are waking up to the you know, being more freer in nature, but a lot of them are going to, you know, show resistance and pushback and it's going to scare them.

Speaker 1: 21:36

So, for men, if you can just, like you know, compliment more of like you know the looks, or like personality and things like that, that would be a good place to start. But I think it's more on the side of women where it's not a scary area to to go into and, like you know, flirt a little bit with. Like it doesn't even mean that you're going to do that. Like it's just it's okay to to flirt, and just you know someone's attractive and you're thinking like, oh my gosh, like this guy is super hot. Like, then, don't be afraid to let them know. Like it's okay, like it's not going to mean anything bad, it doesn't even mean you have to sleep with them, it's just like it's really fun to hear that you're attractive. Like I don't know anyone who does not love to hear that.

Speaker 2: 22:29

Yeah, i was. I was talking to a friend the other day and I'm going to have him on the show, i think too. But just like generally, what he does is he he listens to what the woman actually likes and, like you know, asks like maybe her top three kind of restaurants, and then does research, finds like a really good one, and then makes reservations, which a lot of guys don't do. So we know, i mean, i know you you're more of an active person, but he'll make reservations at like a decent, like $200, you know, like a nice restaurant, and then make the reservations, even like I guess he even orders an Uber potentially for them. So he does, he winds and dines them, basically, and he never has an issue, like you know, having them.

Speaker 2: 23:10

I don't know. It was like when a woman feels special, like she might give in, even if she's like, feels like oh, maybe I shouldn't do anything. But if he's that nice and does that much for her, she may even like give in and have sex sooner than she was going to, just because of the way he treats her. So that's another idea out there. Guys like, actually make an effort, it gets you somewhere too. So Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 23:33

I mean, when a woman feels appreciated and they're going the extra effort or the extra mile the effort is is very attractive, especially if they're like even attractive too, like all that is is going to definitely work. Well, i think you can never go wrong in that route. With a woman is just that effort and being a quality guy. So, yeah, and I think, speaking on the woman side, it's. You know, i hear a lot where there's a fear of being, you know, taken advantage of or being used, or sleeping with somebody too soon, and a lot of that just really brings me back to a powerless place where I mean even back to, like high school, where you know you're thinking like you know you're just newly in this world of, like you know, trying to figure out, like, who to match up with, have a relationship with, and You know it's like sex is a scary thing and it's like, oh, it's something that could be, like I could be used for something.

Speaker 1: 24:44

But we're grown-ups now and It's pretty safe to say that we all love sex. Like it is totally okay to love sex and it's okay to have it with whomever you choose to have it with Whenever you want with a relationship with that one like that's totally a okay. So the idea of you being used for it is Actually not going to apply. Of course, in more extreme situations it would, but not in this case, like where you know you're mutually attracted and You know you're just like God.

Speaker 1: 25:20

I mean, i've actually had one of those states where the guy was so handsome and we had the fun estate, like just completely fun met at a really nice bar in my town and It was like one of those high-end bars and it was like dancing and drinks and and it's, you know, a street full of like really nice restaurants. So we're kind of like running around town and then you know afterwards, like we just walked like half a block to the beach And it started raining by the pier and we like had our first kiss and then I was just like I was feeling it. I was like you know what I'm, i'm there.

Speaker 2: 25:56

I'm ready.

Speaker 1: 25:57

So I was like and it was just so fun. We had like a great thing off and on for like several years and it was great. But You know it's really. You know, the nice thing about being an adult is like really taking ownership of your sexual power and your Freedom of choice to choose whoever you want to and to not feel bad about it. Like this is life. It's meant for enjoyment. If it was meant to be shameful, then Why were our bodies designed the way that they were? I Mean, if it was, if this was such a bad thing to do, why were we designed to enjoy something like this?

Speaker 2: 26:38

Yeah, I've even yeah. I've even had a couple people who are religious on here and they feel the same way, like that's how God designed us. So they totally agree that. You know, bringing God into the bedroom is even a thing too. So yeah, that's. No one should be feeling in any kind of way about it.

Speaker 1: 26:54

Yeah, i was just gonna add on to that, you know, and it's just so great for our health too, like it just really makes us feel good and It does wonders for, like, our mental health and our physical health. And you know, these are, these are important needs to us. So to, like, you know, to put it in a box and say it's only okay if I'm with somebody in a relationship Which actually sets you up for somebody Tricking you into relationship to get it, because they know that's your angle like, oh, this girl is only going to Let me in. In that way, if we have a relationship and then once you, you know, do the deed, and then you realize It wasn't that great, then it's like you know, what else are you gonna do?

Speaker 1: 27:41

You gotta go it's not gonna work out, and then you end up feeling the same thing you're trying to avoid feeling.

Speaker 2: 27:48

Yeah, yeah, sure, all right. Well, we are getting close to the time. I know it's flown by, but if you're gonna, last minute, parting things you want to say, or kind of like sum it up, or or even say again, how do I get a hold of you, or whichever.

Speaker 1: 28:04

Yeah, yeah, i think just the last, most important takeaway You know, date like a dude. It's it's not really like to be like a guy, it's just more taking the principle of having your freedom to do what you like, whenever you like, with whoever you like, and That is, you know, something that we all get to enjoy. It's not just for one gender, it's for every gender, both genders. So you know that's really something to to keep in mind and you know, if there is a challenge With getting on board with that, you know there. There is something there that's kind of, you know, been programmed In inside that's not allowing you to feel free. So that's really where the work begins in living your most authentic life, you're happiest life, your best life, whatever life you want to call it, like that life that you know all of us are Well deserving of. So it's worth every bit of effort to do that in our work, to get to that magnetic place where You're calling the shots, you're feeling free, you're not, you're feeling untouchable, actually, like you just feel like you're in control of your happiness in your life. But yes, please, i invite anyone who's interested in learning more.

Speaker 1: 29:30

I am at date like a dude on Instagram. My website is dates. That's plural, dates like a dude dot blog spot.

Speaker 2: 29:44

Okay, all right. Well, thank you very much for being on and if you liked this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well, and thank you again. Thank you, frank talk. Frank talk sex and dating educate.