What does it mean to be blindsided by a breakup? How does one navigate through the confusion and pain, and find a path to healing and self-love? Today, we sit down with the courageous and resilient Susan Thomson, who shares her personal journey through the abrupt end of her marriage, and how she found her way back to love - the love for herself. Her tale is a heartfelt exploration of the harsh realities that come with unexpected breakups and the profound effects they can have on our lives. Yet, even in the midst of despair, Susan’s story shines a light on the possibility of hope and recovery.
Stripped bare by the sudden disappearance of her partner from her life, Susan embarked on a quest for healing and self-discovery. Her path led her to the pages of self-help books, the enlightening process of journaling, the comforting arms of counseling, and even to the vibrant culture of Spain. But perhaps the most transformative tool in her journey was breathwork, a powerful tool that unlocked the door to her emotional recovery. Listen in as we delve into the intricate details of her healing process, and how she managed to find beauty in life after a devastating breakup. So, whether you're heartbroken, healing or just need a dose of inspiration, allow Susan's story to remind you of the power of resilience and self-love. Tune in, engage with us, and let Susan’s story inspire you.
What does it mean to be blindsided by a breakup? How does one navigate through the confusion and pain, and find a path to healing and self-love? Today, we sit down with the courageous and resilient Susan Thomson, who shares her personal journey through the abrupt end of her marriage, and how she found her way back to love - the love for herself. Her tale is a heartfelt exploration of the harsh realities that come with unexpected breakups and the profound effects they can have on our lives. Yet, even in the midst of despair, Susan’s story shines a light on the possibility of hope and recovery.
Stripped bare by the sudden disappearance of her partner from her life, Susan embarked on a quest for healing and self-discovery. Her path led her to the pages of self-help books, the enlightening process of journaling, the comforting arms of counseling, and even to the vibrant culture of Spain. But perhaps the most transformative tool in her journey was breathwork, a powerful tool that unlocked the door to her emotional recovery. Listen in as we delve into the intricate details of her healing process, and how she managed to find beauty in life after a devastating breakup. So, whether you're heartbroken, healing or just need a dose of inspiration, allow Susan's story to remind you of the power of resilience and self-love. Tune in, engage with us, and let Susan’s story inspire you.
Welcome to the Straight From the Sources Mouth podcast. Frank talk about sex and dating.
Speaker 2:
Hello everyone, tamara here, welcome to this show. Today's guest is Susan Thompson. We'll be talking about breakups and the effect they have on us. If you like this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well. Thanks for joining me, susan.
Speaker 1:
You're welcome. Thank you for inviting me.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I think obviously everyone goes through breakups, so this is beneficial to hear, kind of how to get through them. Absolutely yeah. And I guess first question is like what got you into having this be something that you really care about and focus on and share with me?
Speaker 1:
Okay, let's go back, let's go way back.
Speaker 1:
So it was two and a half years ago. I was in what I thought was a happy marriage. Granted, we had some issues we had, you know but I thought that was normal and it certainly wasn't alarming. And we, you know, everything was good. The day before the incident we had been out with our dogs rolling and playing in the snow I'm in Scotland, as you might tell with my accent and so we were in the snow rolling, playing about with the dogs, having fun. We went home, made dinner, had had dinner, watched some telly. Then I used to always go to bed early, earlier than my now ex-husband. So I said I'm off to bed, I'll see you in the morning, night, night, love you. And then we gave each other a kiss, cuddle and that was me off. I went to bed.
Speaker 1:
Next morning I worked from home. I had my own dog grooming studio, which was in my back garden. So I was waiting on a client coming and my ex-husband was in the kitchen and he was like, right, that's me, I'm off. And I was like, right, okay, where are you going? No, I'm leaving. And I was like yes, I hear you. Where are you going? No, no, I'm leaving. And I was like I know, but where? Where are you going to visit your mum? Are you going to friends? And he was like no, I'm leaving. And that was that. That was my marriage ended. No discussion. There was to be no chat about it. I was to accept it and get on. So my client came and I groomed the dog and I was a bit like what's actually happened here? Do you know? I couldn't take it in because this was so out the blue for me. However, it was real and he did leave and there was no chat. A few days later he texts me to say can I get out of the house so that he can go in and collect all the remainder of his things? And that was it. I didn't want to see me or anything. So my marriage ended. So suddenly, it was just. It was quite, quite.
Speaker 1:
Looking back now, I think I was in a state of shock for probably probably about two or three weeks. You know, I remember phone and my friends and I was saying, oh hi, how are you? Oh, by the way, that's me, I'm single again. And my friends were like it wasn't just me. I think everybody was in a state of shock Because nobody expected it. We were very affectionate with each other. So when we were out, we were always holding hands, we were kissing or cuddling, always very affectionate, always showed affection to each other. There was nothing whatsoever that alarmed me. But what happened was we had a business together.
Speaker 1:
So I phoned my lawyer at the time and I said my lawyer's called Judith. Judith might left and she was like well, what for? This is a part that now, looking back, I'm like holy moly. I said apparently it's all my fault, judith. I'm a horrible person. I drink too much. She said you drink too much, susan, are you not tea total? I said yeah, so why? Where is that coming from? I was like I don't know. That's what I've been told. I stopped drinking for quite a period of time because my mum wasn't well, so I was always having to go back and forward to hospital et cetera, and I just kept not drinking because I felt better not drinking. And then he said to me I said to my lawyer as well I think I'm abusive.
Speaker 1:
And she was like Susan, are you sure that this is the reason? And I was like it isn't. She said let me tell you something, susan. She says I've done this job for 30 years. Men don't leave without a reason. Women do. Women, she says in my experience will just get up if they're not happy and leave. Men don't. And I was like no, judith, it's my fault, it's all my fault and I've caused this, so I have to call the blame.
Speaker 1:
And then I did find out there was more to it about a month later, and that's when things got a little bit silly. But yeah, I think the first two or three weeks I think I was just in this I accepted it, but I didn't really understand what was happening. And then what was difficult was I still had my business to run, I still had the dogs to walk. We don't have children together, so that side of it was fine. But then when I felt I still had to do everything I still had to care for my mum, I still had to look after the dogs and walk them, I still had to see my clients I couldn't just stop and think what's going on here. It was looking back now. Wow, it was just. Yeah, it's awful, it's a horrible, horrible thing to go through.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it's like ghosting on steroids, because you're married to the person and all of a sudden, they're just out of your life and you have no idea why Absolutely? And you did. What most people do is start making up stories about what you did to cause it. Yeah, Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
You know when you drink too much and I thought I don't drink, but I still believed it Because, I don't know, looking back maybe gave me a bit of comfort to think, well, there's an excuse, because at the time I couldn't think of a reason why. So, looking back, I accepted that because it felt there was a reason and at least it could help me get through it all mentally. Now I realise, obviously, that that was a load of rubbish and there was a lot more to it. And then, when you're out of it, like now, we're over two and a half years and I've realised that he was actually quite a different person than how I perceived him. And for to say that you're a drunk and you abuse me when I was like I don't drink, how can I be a drunk? I don't, I don't. I mean, it's just like. Actually I think you've done that to me Throughout our whole marriage. So, but that period of time was absolutely horrific, absolutely horrific.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it sounds like it and how I know you said you're in shock for two or three weeks. How did you get past that stage and like, what brought you out of it, or I?
Speaker 1:
think I was in shock for about two or three weeks and then after that I obviously went into the grief cycle. So there was a lot of anger, there was a lot of hatred for myself not for him, but for me and that I was angry towards him. So angry I was. So I felt so betrayed. You know, as soon as as as he left, his family all disowned me as well. So I went from having this loving, nurturing family to absolutely nothing. You know, they didn't phone or check up on me or anything, and I went, I think, quite downhill and it was probably about two or three months after he left. I was in a bad way. I really was in a bad way to the point where my friend came down and we contemplated, you know, if I should phone the emergency doctor or we should head up to A&E or get the police, or. You know it was. It was an awful time and I think that was my lowest, and you know we often hear that you have to hit the lowest. Could you count, guenny lower?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and I remember that evening when my friend left and I lay on the kitchen floor and just cried all night and I obviously fell asleep and woke up to the dog you know lying beside me. The dogs must have thought oh gosh, look mum's lying on the floor. This is great fun. And that was the turning point for me and I just thought I'm not doing this, I'm not, I'm not doing this, it's not, this isn't my fault. And then I started to recover. It was a long journey, but that was the turning point for me. I just thought, no, nobody. If somebody now like when I think of it, I'm like OK, if he left, then it's his choice, and I wouldn't persuade anybody Now. At the time I would have been please, I'll take you back, please, just come back. I'm out of bags. But now I'm like I've learned to love myself and I think that was one of the biggest lessons that I've ever. That I've learned from this is I love myself enough.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, I follow a lot of Instagram people, obviously for dating and sex and stuff like that in relationships, because of this podcast. So, yeah, that's pretty much the bottom line for everyone is to love yourself, isn't it? And you, yeah, and it's easier said than done it really is yeah. How did you, what steps did you take or how did you find yourself?
Speaker 1:
Well, from such a young age. I think we're we're programmed not to love ourselves and it's not intentional. I think the way that our parents, you know, will say to us don't be selfish, you know, think of other people, put others before yourself. They are all fabulous ways to live, but it's also telling us that we are not important. You know, and as we as children, we take in information very differently to how we do as an adult. So somebody says to you as an adult, put your friends before you. The way you interpret that is very different, where as a child, your subconscious mind doesn't form until you're the age of seven or eight. So when you know an adult says that to you, you interpret that extremely differently. So I think we're taught from quite a young age to not think of ourselves, to not put ourselves forward, because that selfish and selfish is bad. So I had to work around that.
Speaker 1:
There was a lot that I had I had learned as a child. I had a great upbringing, I had a great childhood, but there was a lot from a childhood that was causing me not to love myself. So I started spending more time with me. I journaled morning, noon and night. I love writing. I didn't realize how much I love writing, so I did a lot of reading, so, like self-help books, I went for counseling because I wanted, I had this desperate desire just to feel better.
Speaker 1:
I went to counseling but I had three sessions and I decided it wasn't for me Because they kept going back into my past and actually after every counseling session I felt dreadful, like I was really upset and thinking actually this isn't helping and I do believe that we need to address our past. But I didn't want to stay there. I think it was good to visit my past and say this happened, which is why I'm like this. Okay, but let's move on, because I feel I come to terms with my grief through journaling, through learning to accept myself, through spending time with people who loved me and just trying to understand my own mind, my own thoughts, my own belief systems. That helped me massively. And it takes time. It takes patience.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, I can see that, or I know that. Yeah, like you said, the unintended consequences of parents thinking they're helping you out and there are no parents in classes and even when they're trying their best or doing their best and it's not their fault, but it's just stuff that. Yeah, so you were able to learn yourself more by doing more things and figuring out what you like and spending time with friends and what else was the catalyst for helping you move on? Or feel.
Speaker 1:
I decided at that time that it was now my time to live my life. It was now time for me to do what I wanted to do because I had freedom. So I started to perceive the breakup so differently. I didn't. It wasn't a breakup, it was actually this is a gift for me to do what I really want to do. So I was like, what do you want then? What do you want? And I thought, well, I don't want to stay in the area that I was living, because that was where he lived and where he was brought up. It wasn't home for me. So I'd always wanted to live overseas. So I thought, do you know what? I'm going to go overseas. So I sold the house, ended my business and me and my two dogs went to live in Spain for three months. That you know. It's so funny because I still speak to the people that I met when I was in Spain and they said to me at the time you know, you're not healed yet. And I was like, yes, I am, I'm absolutely fine. But now I realize, no, you weren't. But that was part of my healing process as well was to go and do that and it was fabulous. I had an amazing summer living in Spain.
Speaker 1:
I think spending time on your own is a sure-fired way to help you to love yourself, because you see your flaws.
Speaker 1:
I also had to stop thinking about him and I didn't want to feel bitterness towards him as well.
Speaker 1:
So, if anything, spending time working on yourself, I think, is absolute key, Because that's where I've come up with a lot of things that I've wanted to change for many years. I now understand myself and now have boundaries, so that nobody would ever be able to say to me again you're a drunk, when I've not had alcohol for years To know and for me to believe it. So I think, spending time on your own I didn't want to rush into another relationship and I probably could have if I wanted to I knew I needed to be by myself and understand the part that I played in this, in the breakup, Whilst the grief is awful and you just want to feel good again. You have to let that go, Otherwise you're trapped in that energy and that emotion inside of you, and once it's trapped inside of you, it's just going to come back and you'll end up in the same relationship the same you'll attract the same people. So I knew I needed to feel awful in order to release it.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I don't know if a lot of people get that, yeah, feeling the feelings, and they last 90 seconds at the most at the time they come in. So if you can just get through and there was a book it was around 90 seconds for a life you love or something like that but yeah, it's stressed that it's literally only 90 seconds. So just bear through it and, like you said, you don't want it to get trapped in your body. There's another book, the Untethered Soul.
Speaker 1:
You'll love it. It talks about that.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, where it talks about just trappings like bad juju, absolutely Like in your body, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:
I also. I found relief from that trapped energy by doing breath work. So it was a breath work, we call it a breath work journey and it was 90 minutes of doing this active breath work and I've never experienced anything so flabbergasted in my whole life I was during the session. I was crying, I was shaking, we were to release the energy. It was just phenomenal. So I decided that I wanted to learn how to do that so that I could help others to release that energy. So I became a transformational breath work facilitator so that I can share that with people, because that was just incredible, an absolutely incredible way to release that energy. But yeah, you do need to feel it, you do need to go through that cycle so that you can heal.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, there's a lot of people trying to mask it. I was just reading a book. Oprah just wrote a new book with Arthur C Brooks called Build the Life you Want. Ok, I want to say it's almost, and it talks about happiness and it talks about what do we just say? I always leave my train of thought. The last comment you said made me think of this.
Speaker 1:
In order to heal, you have to feel the hurt.
Speaker 2:
I can't remember the exact thing I was going to say about it, but yeah, I was something along those lines. Sorry, that's all right, I'll come back.
Speaker 1:
I'll come back, just shout out.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
But yeah, I think we want to start feeling better quickly. But actually, what I didn't give enough. I think we want to heal so quickly because we want to feel better. We don't like feeling that like that. I didn't give it enough respect.
Speaker 1:
How awful a breakup is, how traumatic it can really be, and I was deeply traumatised, like deeply so, like I've never been traumatised like this before and I've lost pets and I've lost family members. But this I think it was my age as well. You know my body was changing. There was lots of things happening to my body, you know, like hormonal changes. I'd recently been diagnosed with endometriosis, so was trying to overcome that. And you know there's so much was happening to my body. In fact, so much was happening to my body that one of the excuses that my ex-husband gave me was if you're going through menopause, I don't want nothing to do with it. Right, okay, now I realise these were all just excuses to make him feel better.
Speaker 1:
You know, and I think it's actually coming to terms with the fact that you know, yes, I played a part in my relationship breaking down, but so did he. You know there was, you know, there's that realisation that I think we can often take on all the blame when we're the one that has been left. You know when I think we can take that burden when somebody has left us and said it's your fault, your fault, your fault. We take all that on board. And that was where my deep, darkest thoughts were that made me go downhill so dramatically. But actually, no, we're not. You know, it's not just our fault.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I did remember what I was going to say earlier about, like I was saying that people start masking the feelings Instead of feeling them. They do, and the example was workaholism like working so much that you just don't think about what's going on with yourself. Or, of course, drinking and drugs and all that kind of stuff too.
Speaker 2:
Absolutely yeah, and I did want to get back to the breathwork stuff that you do. If you want to share, like how people get a hold of you and like what you do exactly. Assume you have clients and you work with people, yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 1:
I have clients. I do a short program which is you to do with breathwork, so you can I work with clients for six months, or I just have a smaller program where we can tackle just one thing and you get a breathwork journey which is specific to you, depending on what you want to work through whether it's grief, trauma, self-love, whatever that may be and then you'll get two coaching sessions as well. It's the breathwork session, but the breathwork journeys are absolutely incredible. I worked with a client recently and she took about three weeks to actually come fully back into herself and there was a lot of grief that she hadn't let go of and a lot of resentment towards herself. So I worked with her over those the weeks after the breathwork journey, just to get her through that. I've never experienced anything so powerful. I'm also a clinical hypnotherapist, but the breath work is just something else. It's absolutely phenomenal.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I did it a little bit. I went to a retreat in Costa Rica. A friend has one, she just started and we definitely did some of that. I forget what it exactly was supposed to mean, but my arm kept hurting, just like hurting, like really bad. I would just shake it around the whole time. We were all laying down I forget what she said it represented.
Speaker 1:
I've had it a few times, where you can get something in your fingers called tetanus. It's just because of the way that we're breathing. We're taking in so much more breath Because of all the gasses that are moving around our body. Our fingers' hands can go into lobster claws. It's called tetanus. That's quite painful but it goes away because my fingers are fine. I only get a pain here, which is like my upper left shoulder. The first time I've done it, that pain was incredible. Now it's just there. It's not sore. There's lots of different parts of your body where emotion is trapped and that will tell you what it is Okay.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I think mine was mostly like the elbow and the arm. But before I forget, let's make sure we say how. And do you work virtually so people can get a hold of you online?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, everything is virtual and I'm on Facebook under Susan Thompson. I've got an email address but yeah, Facebook's probably the best bet. I'm always hanging about on Facebook.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and if you want to spell your last name, just make sure people are fine, so it's Susan S-U-S-A-N and Thompson which is T-H-O-M-S-O-N. Okay, all right, thank you very much, and I always like to get kind of final comments or either like a rundown or some summarize or whatever you want to impart before we head off.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I would say, feel the feelings and yeah, it sucks, yeah it's awful, and, as I say, I didn't give it the respect that I should have. But, above all of that, be very kind to yourself. You know you're an amazing we're all amazing in our own way and nurture yourself, love yourself and develop so much love for you that this has been your growth, turn it into a growth and, you know, really see it as an opportunity. Don't miss out on feeling the hurt, though, because that's your healing, that you know it will help you to heal and it will also make you so strong mentally, physically, spiritually and every single way that you won't be the same person.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah. Going through what you did made you who you are and you're stronger now because of it, but at the time it definitely sucked.
Speaker 1:
Absolutely yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, very much, all right. Well, thank you very much for all of that. Thank you so much. I appreciate you being on and not and yeah, that's like I said, that's like ghosting on steroids. I can't imagine this like having no you know, just like, and you didn't even know what you're like. Yeah, where are you going? Yeah?
Speaker 1:
Honestly, it was like it was like a movie. You know, even when I think back now, I'm just like goodness me Really. And now I think you know there was no respect there from him for me to do that. That was 12 years, you know, and just to walk out on somebody that's been in life for over 12 years.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and it probably says a lot about him too.
Speaker 1:
It does for sure.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, all right. Well, thanks again.
Speaker 1:
You're very welcome. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I just want to say one more time. I reached her on Facebook, susan Thompson, she spelled it earlier, so but yes, definitely reach out to Susan if you'd like to. And I swear by breathwork as well. The one time I did it was it definitely did stuff. Yeah, I'm curious to do it again. All right. Well, thank you everyone. If you love this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and share it and like it and follow. All right, thank you everyone. Thanks again, susan. Thank you All right, bye.