Straight from the Source's Mouth: Frank Talk about Sex and Dating
Are you perpetually single? Do you want longer-lasting relationships? Tired of the miscommunication and misunderstandings? Wish you were better in bed? Advice from experts as well as real talk from real people so that you can see you are not alone in your thoughts and experiences. I talk about sex in my stand-up comedy and people often tell me that I say what they are thinking but are too afraid to say or admit it to their partners; too taboo they think. We'll talk about books we've read on dating, relationships and sex so that you can gain knowledge without having to read all the books yourself. I'll interview people on both sides of an issue: people who are great at dating and unsuccessful at dating...learn from the person who's great and also learn what not to do! We'll do the same with sex and relationships so that you can learn what works so you don't need to repeat others' past mistakes. I'll interview sex coaches and love coaches. We intend this to be a how-to guide. Hit subscribe and join us!
Straight from the Source's Mouth: Frank Talk about Sex and Dating
#58 Authentic Connections and the Successful Woman's Guide to Love with Leah Mitchell
Are you yearning for an authentic, heartfelt relationship with a masculine leader who values your success? Leah Mitchell, a seasoned expert in the world of dating, is here to guide us through the maze of vulnerability, authenticity, and trust. Leah unveils the essence of profound connections and how successful women can establish them with masculine men. She emphasizes the power of authenticity and the potential pitfalls of inauthenticity in forming meaningful relationships. Explore with us how superficial conversations often breed superficial relationships and the need for presenting our most authentic selves.
Embark on a fascinating journey with us as Leah unfolds the mystery behind the PheroGLOW method. This innovative strategy, designed to attract high-value masculine leaders, dives deep into the neuroscience of trust and attraction. Furthermore, Leah introduces us to the Soulmate Success Circle program, a sanctuary offering a supportive community for women seeking success in love. Get enthralled as we delve into attachment styles, the concept of outcome detachment in dating, and the profound classes on dating strategy and energetic healing offered by the program.
The empowering conversation doesn't end here! Leah sheds light on the overlooked significance of feminine intuition in manifesting and maintaining successful relationships. She shares her tested insights and experiences that have helped countless women attract high-value men and build strong, supportive partnerships. Together, we navigate the societal pressures that often hinder women's desires for supportive relationships and discuss how permission to seek healthy, fulfilling partnerships can change lives. Tune in to demystify the world of dating, break down misconceptions, and discover the key to finding true love. Links: https://leahmitchell.my.canva.site/leah-mitchellcoaching and https://www.facebook.com/leah.mitchell.3914?mibextid=qWsEUC
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Welcome to the Straight From the Sources Mouth podcast. Frank talk about sex and dating.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone, tamara here, welcome to the show. Today's guest is Leah Mitchell. We'll be talking about successful women and heartful masculine men and dating. If you like this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well. Thanks for joining me, leah.
Speaker 1:Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:I'm excited to be here. Yes, I think this is a great topic and I love your tagline. I'm going to talk about heartful masculine leaders Especially, so tell me more about how you got to work with those type of people, specifically like the women that like those men.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely so. I've done a lot of market research in this area of expertise and I realize that the most common thing women are looking for and it's interesting because if I were to talk about what was the most important part of my relationship, this would be it so it makes absolute perfect sense that this is one of the biggest reasons why women are still single, specifically successful women. They're not willing to settle. They're like a single life is absolutely fine for them. They are making good money, they're able to support themselves, they've gotten so used to playing both roles in their life and doing the single thing, so they're not willing to settle for something that's toxic or something that doesn't have any depth. Especially so I have found what successful women are looking for and probably, like most women, even women that aren't necessarily established in their career this is still exactly what they're looking for is emotional intelligence in a man, and to me, what emotional intelligence really is for a man is a man who is extremely comfortable being in his masculine, wants to provide, wants to support and wants to please, and he is very intelligent in emotional conversations and connecting on an emotional level. Now it's interesting, though.
Speaker 1:One of the controversial topics that I do cover is that I truly believe men are not emotionally unavailable. There are cases where we come across narcissists. These are the outliers. This is not the kind of stuff I talk about specifically, because these are not the men for my women, so we just don't even worry about it and we specifically focus on creating the space for emotional connection in relationships and what women can do specifically to do this, because successful women and women that have been running the show in single for a very long time, they are so used to playing both roles of the masculine and the feminine that their ability to create an emotional space for men is often not there. And the first place that I find women are really missing the mark when it comes to creating that emotional connection is authenticity, and we can get into this further, for sure. But yeah, the heartfelt masculine is really a man who is emotionally connected, emotionally intelligent and is looking to specifically provide support and please a woman.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I totally agree with you and authenticity. And then I've also heard vulnerability, like until a woman can be vulnerable with a man? A man can't or won't necessarily, so authenticity, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think. I think that's a great point, so it's interesting. I have a very particular step process to get into emotional connection, and emotional connection can only happen when there's trust because, as you said, trust creates space for vulnerability and vulnerability does not happen without trust, but the basis for trust and this is so important this is where women are missing the mark the basis for trust, the foundation for trust is authenticity, because a man has specifically mirror neurons in his brain, just like women do, and it can interpret on a subconscious level in 13 milliseconds when a woman is not being authentic. And the thing that I see the most is women are performing on dates. So they are trying to be perfect and trying to perform and keep him interested because they don't want to be perceived as boring, they don't want to be rejected. There's all this fear there, so it has them anxious, nervous or performing and they're basically putting on a show for a man. His brain, on a subconscious level, can interpret in authenticity, therefore untrustworthy. You know for yourself if someone's being phony in front of you, there's no way you trust them. So what happens on the date is now superficial.
Speaker 1:Conversations start Like what do you do for work? What are your goals in life, all these different things that are very like basic talk and we're not actually getting at the authenticity of a person. Like if I was on a date this is going to sound so silly, but if I was on a date, the thing that I would want to talk about is, like my dog and my ambition to like breed dogs and bring a new kind of dog into the country of Canada one day and do all these things and the views that I have on it and the breedings with all these different things. That would be something that nobody talks to me about, it only up in my own brain and I would love to absolutely be able to share that with someone, and so that would be an authentic conversation that I would have.
Speaker 1:Not what my accomplishments are, how much money I make, what I do for work, what my clients are like, like that's a conversation I have every single day in business, right, so it's coming out of those. I always say superficial conversations lead to superficial relationships. Those superficial conversations happen and because women aren't showing up in authenticity, because they're guarded, they're in their masculine, because authenticity is the feminine and it's vulnerable and something's happened to them there, so they guard and protect themselves with this feminine energy and it creates a lack of authenticity, zero trust, and then men often in that space get labeled as emotionally unavailable. And I see it happen all the time and so my whole perspective and all the work I do is on helping women create that authenticity to build the trust, to establish that emotional connection.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've heard I'm actually working with a coach who does this kind of stuff and he said the same like guys can tell, like they just they don't know what it is they can just tell that something's not quite. And I always say it's like the underlying beliefs if you think dating sucks or men suck or men are this way or that way, that just kind of comes across or through, like you said in the milliseconds, that they can detect something there, like you said Exactly and you'll find this interesting.
Speaker 1:So, as you said, like something they can tell some way. So when a woman is not being herself either, she's in this confidence, like this was me when I was single. I appeared extremely confident, I appeared extremely relaxed and chilled, but and I do like trust is built 93% non verbally in the brain.
Speaker 1:So only 7% of trust is built with what we say. 93% is how we be, and so I coach women specifically on the non verbal cues that build trust. But I was a master of non verbal cues even when I was not showing up authentically myself, because I was putting on this persona, that I was chill, that I was super cool, that I, like, was heartless woman that could not be affected by men and that was really coming from my trauma. This was trauma conditioning and I was still being inauthentic. Right, I'm a very loving person, I'm a very sensitive woman and I wasn't showing any of that side of myself because I was protecting that part. And Men specifically, I was attracting low-value men. Now, the reason why I was attracting these men that just wanted hookups, that just wanted sex and they weren't serious, was specifically because when you are not showing up authentically, your cortisol levels go through the roof. And what happens when we increase our cortisol levels in this inauthentic state is we Um, lower our amount of pheromones and, as you said, there's this feeling that men can have about us. This is our chemical signals. We emit or omit, same as men, chemical signals consistently and it's the smell of someone, the disposition of someone, the aura of someone, the energy. And so when our cortisol levels are raised, our pheromones lower in your pheromones attract or they repel. And so when we have low pheromones, we attract specifically men that want a woman who is easy to change her mind, who's easy to manipulate, who's easy to love, bomb. And so when we have that cortisol level raised and we're nervous on dates, we're actually attracting the wrong people to us. And when we can stabilize the amygdala so that's your fear flight Response it test threats and, as you said specifically you said how we feel about dating and relationships, like if we think dating is pointless and all those things that specifically will trigger Our amygdala to go into that fear response that's when our cortisol levels raise. So step one, really to step into this authenticity is going to be stabilizing the amygdala. And then we've got to go to activating those neurotransmitters because, I said this already, the Mirror neurons work in the same sense of mirroring cortisol levels as they do mirroring oxytocin, and Oxytocin is your love hormone. So when we can activate the neurotransmitters, we spike our oxytocin and we release an influx of positive pheromones.
Speaker 1:This is when we attract high value masculine leaders to us, because we become absolutely magnetic and we, when we're doing this, he sees and interprets it and his hypothalamus clicks on and releases Oxytocin for him as well. And this is when men feel really calm around us, they feel really good around us and when that happens it's really cool. We have these reward centers in the brain and so do men. It is our positive, or a Re-enforcement of positive stimuli. So if a man feels really good and safe around you, you've now had the authenticity, you've built the trust that you need and he is reinforced, those positive stimuli.
Speaker 1:This is how you get second dates, third dates, fourth dates, years and years of marriage is Reinforcing that positive stimuli in his brain through his reward centers, where he will consistently want to please you, consistently want to make you happy, because he feels good when he's around you. He can't imagine life without you. You make him feel different than any woman ever has because of that oxytocin release. And I love understanding the brain specifically for these relationships, because I Find so many women feel like they're missing red flags, they're getting tricked and trapped into relationships. And so the third process of the stabilizing the amygdala, the neurotransmitter activation, is Activating the prefrontal cortex and this is our high order functioning. So specifically, what we're doing here, when we're activating the high-order functioning, is we're regulating our emotions and we are heightening our positive decision-making process. This is also puts us into secure attachment style naturally right.
Speaker 1:And so we get out of that anxious, preoccupied, and sometimes anxious, preoccupied isn't nervous, but it's also like the women who doesn't allow herself to like someone, the women who resists love and is protecting herself right. So when we, we activate that prefrontal cortex, this is where my women really Put forward my dating strategy. They put it into full work and we they become detached from the outcome. They don't care if this is their future husband sitting in front of them. They don't care what their kids are going to look like. They don't care if he likes her or if he finds her attractive. She is there to see if she likes him in the first place.
Speaker 1:She's concerned with how she feels around him and how she is presenting herself on the date in terms of is she in her Feminine, is she in her powers? And I think that is such a beautiful thing when we activate that prefrontal cortex, because we don't miss red flags, we don't over romanticize, we don't try to manifest, we are absolutely focused on being detached and just enjoying ourselves and having real conversations instead of that superficial stuff we talked about in the beginning. So this three-step process is specifically my pharaoh glow method, because it's based on pheromone and neuroscience and I wanted to throw that into this conversation because you said it so well about how there's something men can sense and this is specifically working with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, everything you're saying like attachment styles I had that was one of my first episodes I ever did is, you know, just understanding that part and I? I think that's like key. And then what you said about you know deciding if you like someone this book surrendered single, talks about that you're it's not like You're trying to decide if you like the person versus you know impressing them and trying to get do say ever say everything.
Speaker 2:Agree with everything they say, just so they like you. You're trying to find out if you actually like the other person and I'm in a Facebook group with so many people that talk about they miss red flags and they dated for so long and then it was just like a total mess and ask for money and All kinds of stuff, all kinds of the low value stuff you were talking about. So tell us more about the program and how people can Join yours or hear more about it or work with you, or, unless you have more to say first about that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:No, I'm happy to go into my program because it's I'm gonna be able to talk about a few different things. So I specific I work one-to-one with women specifically that desire the one-to-one intimate support. But I also have a wonderful group program called the soulmate success circle, and this is specifically a community, because I feel like when women are around each other and finding success in love, there is a trickle-down effect and it brings each other up and a lot of us Don't have that space. You know we have friends that are single but are attracting toxic men, or we have friends in marriages that we wouldn't want to be in, and so these are not the people that you should be asking for advice or Concerning in conversations about love, because this is going to be that their own trauma conditioning, their own issues that they're Bringing and then putting on to you and you will take that on and really think about it and it will steer you in the wrong directions with love. So I specifically created a community in my program. We meet twice a month and I host class now. In class we dive into the dating strategy specifically. My dating strategy is built on boundaries, protecting women, seeing red flags and having this detached energy, as well as the Faraglowe method. So we're activating all of these things to build a really sound dating strategy. This strategy goes right down to like what to put on your profile on dating apps to be authentic, to attract the wrong, the right men and repel the wrong men. So it's very, very Specific, and I did this.
Speaker 1:I have the dating strategy because the other element to these classes is the energetic healing, and this is specifically the subconscious reprogramming which is so, so important that we're doing, and so the the reality is is that subconscious reprogramming does take time. Healing takes time. You do not have to be in a certain space of self love to deserve unconditional love. You do not have to be healed to a certain amount in order to jump into a relationship. These ideas that we have to be somewhere in our journey in order to find love is Bullshit in my opinion, and it really makes women feel like they have to be perfect in order to deserve unconditional love and the reason why they don't have it yet is because something's wrong with them, which is not the case. You do not need to go on a self-love journey in order to find your husband. It's just absolutely not true. So I have this healing situation going on right, this whole subconscious reprogramming to really change our beliefs and our relationships with ourselves and with love and Support and being provided for that has changed and really made us a condition of our trauma. I want to step out of that and become our authentic selves by subconscious reprogramming those that conditioning. And while this is going on, that is why I have that dating strategy, because the dating strategy stops those low-value behaviors, that desperation, that cleanliness, that over romanticizing, that missing red flags. So while you're going through the six-month program of doing the healing, you're also fully supported by a dating strategy and if you follow it perfectly, you cannot find yourself trapped or tricked by men.
Speaker 1:Now, of course, through this class, we also. So we do the dating strategy and we do the energetic healing, which is so, so, such an amazing combination and so important. And there's also the third phase, which is instamissie, alchemy, which is really that emotional connection that we are forming which comes down to boundaries and positive and mindful and correct communication Instead of, you know, that quietness building that resentment and all those other problems. So there's three phases to this program, but as we meet on zoom because I I'm not a module self-study woman. I have graduated several programs where I haven't gone through all the modules and I paid for them and then they're gone. I specifically want women sitting down because they I feel the energy. It's an intuition and this is what we focus on. Whether it is throat shopper work, heart shopper work, whatever subconscious reprogramming that I can muscle test out of the body, it is what we focus on in that second phase of those classes.
Speaker 1:And then I have my monthly question and answer hot seat coaching. So women come on, zoom, they drill me with all their questions and I answer them on the spot and you have Access to an exclusive facebook group. This is where the community really happens. And my ladies post their dating profiles. They post text messages with men, date ideas, stuff like that. To be like lia, am I on the right track? Is this cool? Is this guy being high value? What's going on with this conversation? What should I say next? I really help build from the smallest stuff, with those primary conversations, to the biggest stuff with commitment, engagement, those much bigger conversations.
Speaker 1:So this is a six month process that really takes you through, and I am very, very proud to say that I do have 100% success rate in this program, which is so, so exciting, as well as with my one-to-one clients.
Speaker 1:So the best way to get into this program is by coming to my facebook and I will, of course, send you my link for that Um and popping in my dms and saying soulmate success. That is the absolute best way. I have a lot of free resources to get a taste of what working with me is like, and I also allow everyone to book one free call with me to really dive deep into where they're at in their love life and what they need to do next. So on these calls you bring one thing I need an absolute solution for why I'm attracting low value men or why I can't. I can't find a man that will ask me out that I actually like. You know they bring me a problem and then we dive into it and they walk away with a solution. So if you're looking for some Free consultation, the best way to find me is popping my dms and saying free call and I will set you up with my calendar.
Speaker 2:Okay, and you can say that, um, your actual the, the facebook group or whichever way you want people to read to, you know your handles and social media and all this stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the best way to reach me is on facebook. I'm under lea mitchell on facebook. I'm pretty easy to find my tagline on facebook so that you know it's me is I help unapologetically successful women also be shameless, shamelessly loved by a heart full masculine leader, and I always have a picture of me and my husband as my profile so you'll be able to find me there. And facebook is my main um Platform right now. But I am launching a podcast in january, so be sure to catch that. It is called the mr Right magnet and I'm very, very excited to be launching a podcast, so it will be up on Spotify and iTunes.
Speaker 2:Okay, awesome, yeah, and what I love all that. And how do you define like a heartful, masculine leader, like a lot of, a lot of women nowadays are like, oh, I'm a feminist, you can't tell me what to do, or you know, they think of it masculine that way. So to dispel the myths of what you mean by a heartful, masculine leader within a relationship, I mean I know you talked about, obviously, a high value man, but how would you? Define masculine For those that think it means they're gonna tell me what to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So the the thing about feminism is that every pendulum swings too far one way, yeah, and you are not less of a feminist if you want to be supported by a man. You are not less of a feminist. If you need a man, okay, like I need my husband and I am absolutely. I studied feminist epistemology all through my philosophy degree and I know so much about feminist literature, but not ever did that make me feel like I didn't need my husband.
Speaker 1:And what this really comes down to is that my parents had a wonderful relationship. They still do they have. I think they're like 30 plus years in their marriage and my father is the perfect definition of a masculine leader, and heartful masculine leader. He can dive into his emotions, how he feels about family dynamics. He is the person I call for support. I can cry like sob on the phone to my father and my husband, and I'm more likely to call them sometimes than women, because I feel protected, I feel safe and when I was able to grow up with a father like that, it really blessed me to be able to do this work, because I understand that a lot of women did not have that support and when we resist needing a man. When we resist desiring a man, it's typically because we don't feel safe. And we don't feel safe in that vulnerability and we lost ourselves in our relationship because we self-abandoned and we absolutely misread flags and we know that some of it was our own accountability. But what we do, instead of taking it from there and being like, okay, I still want love. So I'm going to really figure out what the red flags are and focus specifically on finding the right man, women will be like, well, no man, no man. They're all cowards, they're all cheaters, they're all liars and I don't need one. I'm absolutely fine on my own. Of course, you're absolutely fine on your own, but it makes me sad when women settle for being single because they're not willing to settle for a toxic relationship. Absolutely, of course, like duh. This is the right thing, but you also don't need to settle for being single. You can desire and then achieve a wonderful, supported, provided for relationship.
Speaker 1:The reality is, women are not better. Single married households are bringing in nine times more than any single woman household, and this is, of course, the dual income. But think about that. Nine times more support is what's happening in those married households versus these single households, and I really bring up those statistics because that's one part of it is that financial support. But it's also like everything in my house gets split. Honestly, actually, I work a lot and so my husband does basically all of the house stuff, the chores. I only do laundry because he fucking hates doing laundry. But we walk our dog together, we do almost everything together. We're always going for walks, we're always spending time together. He's the person I debrief to, he's the person I call when I need to cry about, you know, thinking that I was about to get a sale and it doesn't happen Whatever it is in my business and I could do this on my own.
Speaker 1:But when in July so I got married in August of this year, in July I was in a part time job. It was coming to an end because I it was so toxic, it was absolutely awful. These were the months of our biggest bills in our lives and I looked at him and I was like I don't want to go back to this job. I really want to go full time in my business. And even though we had expenses, even though we had stuff going on, he was like no, 100%. I absolutely support you in doing this and I will 100% cover the rent, I will cover the bills and don't worry about it. Just go and do what you need to do. And a lot of people would not believe that we were in the financial position to do that, but it didn't matter. It was so much more important to him that he supported me and provided for me. Well, I go and I, you know, chase my dreams and this is why I have 100% success rate with my clients. This is why I'm able to do this for women and become an expert in this space, because I have the support of my husband.
Speaker 1:So I really think we need to look internally when we have these really harsh opinions and feelings about men and where that comes from, because there are good, good men out there and we can choose to only see it one way. But that is the only thing that will come up in your reality, because you have three different systems in your brain that like to prove you right. You have cognitive filtering, your default network mode, and you have your particular activating system. These will take your beliefs and prove the right in reality. So if you want to say that all men are cowards, that's all you're going to experience. If you want to say that no relationship will work out and all men will cheat on you, then yeah, they probably will, because you will specifically attract men that do this and you will reinforce this in your life over and over and over, proving yourself right. So it really has to start with women.
Speaker 1:And this heart full masculine is just like how I described my husband and my father. They are men who are emotionally intelligent, feel safe, sharing and honestly. This is because we created the space. My dad has three daughters and so he has that space to be vulnerable. It feels safe. He's watched us be vulnerable how many times without needing someone to be vulnerable back or validate us. We stand in our truth and I do the same thing with my husband. I don't need him to share something vulnerable about himself right after I do. I just need him to rub my back and hold space for me and then the day comes where he does be equally as vulnerable and I get to rub his back and hold support for him, not fix his problems, just be there for him. And that is really the experience that you get when you find a heart full, masculine leader. But in order to attract that, you have to start with yourself and your authenticity.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love everything you're saying.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:There's also a book I think it was in grit but the effect you expect is the effect you get. So what you're saying, it just reinforces exact same and I've heard this from other people I've had on but like slightly different perspective and more science behind it. So I think this will be very helpful. Any last words? I know what you just said was kind of like your last words, it seemed like to me, but if you have any one more thing to say or we can just leave it there because I think people got so much.
Speaker 1:Um yeah, the only thing I would say is I totally understand how scary it is if you took a break from dating because of a past relationship and it turned into six, seven years of a break, and how daunting that can be thinking about going on a date again, thinking about being intimate with someone physically again after a long time I've been with my husband for five years I can't imagine it. I can't imagine it. So, even though I'm married and I love my husband, I absolutely understand how scary that would feel, because I personally can't imagine it. When we have these kinds of fears and things that are so big, it's really important that we reach out and we put our investments in our love life.
Speaker 1:This is not just money investments. I'm talking about time and energy and self-growth investment into our love life, because you have all your life to figure out your business. Your love life is now, and I think so many women put it on the back burner and resist it because of fear. Honestly, my question, then, is how long are you going to let fear run your love life? How long are you going to let fear push your future husband away from you? It really does.
Speaker 1:It makes me sad when I see women coming into my classes and coming on my lives and they're absolutely blown away by the information and they're like, yes, that's me, yes, that's me, you're speaking directly to me. This is crazy. Then I say, okay, are you ready? And they go. I'm going to focus on my business. And what's happening is with successful women is they are afraid, they're afraid to lose themselves and rebuild, they're afraid to have to start over. But so long as you're not willing to experience that support and that provided for in your love life, you will cap out in your business.
Speaker 1:And women are All of the women that I invest in as my coaches, all of the women that I see doing absolutely amazing, are in supportive relationships. And it's not to say that there are not rich single women there are plenty. But when it really comes down to it, being supported in your life by having that other person there that is unconditionally there for you is something that we can't put a price on, is something that we can't measure in dollars or time or how, how successful you are in your business. So I want women to really give themselves permission to desire support, to desire being provided for, to desire a man that just wants to please them and wants to make their life easier, support them in any way he can, because I think that that is the relationship that is in your future. And when you start seeing that, instead of this toxicity that doesn't need to exist, this is when we really allow ourselves to attract and it's when it starts to show up and it starts to come through.
Speaker 2:Yeah, awesome. Yeah, like I said, I mean great information for all the ladies out there, especially the successful ones that are feel like they intimidate everyone rather than and it's more like you know the men are intimidated, but it's because of the lack of authenticity and vulnerability generally, what you're saying. So, yeah, thank you so much for being on and sharing all this wonderful information and you know how to reach her, Leah Mitchell, on her on Facebook and look for her groups and her programs and definitely thank you again.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:All right, I've got to say and if you love this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and like it and follow and all the things. All right, thanks everyone. Bye.
