#67 Unleash Your True Potential through Self-Awareness and Pleasure w/Claire Dore

Ever wonder how shedding generational shame and conditioned beliefs can unleash your full potential? Join us as we sit down with Claire Doré, a seasoned dating coach and mentor for relationships and intimacy, who shares her transformative journey from a 21-year marriage to radical self-discovery. Claire's story is a testament to the power of living authentically, and she offers invaluable insight into rejecting societal norms to genuinely connect with oneself.

Discover the liberating experience of embracing feminine sexuality and the profound changes it brings. Claire sheds light on overcoming the exhausting dynamics of competition and control in relationships, emphasizing the importance of self-love and the deep, intimate connection with one's body. Personal anecdotes reveal the transformative impact of awakening sexual energy and the role that different experiences of sexual education and expression play in shaping our presence in the world.

Chapters

• 0:00 Sexuality, Embodiment, and Authenticity in Relationships
• 10:12 Awakening Feminine Sexuality and Pleasure
• 20:39 Connecting With Self Through Pleasure
• 29:55 Establishing Boundaries and Trust in Relationships

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth podcast. Frank talk about sex and dating.

Speaker 2: 0:06

Hello everyone, tamara here, welcome to the show. Today's guest is Claire Doré, and we'll be talking about sexuality and embodiment. If you like this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well. Thanks for joining me today, claire. And then, real quick, before I get started, I want to mention I interviewed my ex-husband on my last episode and I said I would do a series. I do have another ex-boyfriend lined up, but it's going to be a few weeks, so it'll be a series, but just not one after the other. So, as I said, welcome again, claire, and thank you for being here.

Speaker 1: 0:40

Oh, thank you. It's great to be chatting with you today. Thank you for inviting me, and I'm I love the um, the courage of your exes coming to chat with you. How amazing. What a great series.

Speaker 2: 0:54

Thank you. Yeah, it was interesting, for sure. It didn't quite go as I expected, but I'm going to go with it, so we'll see what happens next time, all right? Well, let's get into your stuff. I know you're a dating coach and mentor for relationships and intimacy and you are all about having people be their truth. Um, so what? Why is it important that? Um, people like just share more about what? Why that's important to you? What you said earlier about embodying yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:25

Um, yeah, so essentially I awaken people to the truth of who they are, and this has been very much my own journey. Um, I recognized um. I'll share a tiny bit of my story. In July July 21, I navigated the start of an awakening. It's never stopped.

Speaker 1: 1:49

Three years on, I'm still moving through all of that and it's been a huge journey and essentially, one thing that I really kind of learned was I was very much kind of unconsciously wrapped in layers of conditioning, adopted beliefs and a lot of generational shame, particularly around my sexuality. And this awakening caused me, or gave me the courage and the confidence to leave my 21 year marriage and I'd been sat in that marriage, you know, kind of like not unhappy, but not to my fullest potential in terms of my happiness. So it was kind of like, um, I was coasting. You know I was coastinging. What I didn't realize until I stepped away was I was shrinking myself to make everyone else comfortable, um, and so I was kind of like this smaller version of myself and then pretty much exploded in this, this awakening, and stepped away from my relationship.

Speaker 2: 3:04

My marriage, um, made some radical changes in my life and, um, essentially I'd come home to who I was okay, yeah, I mean I'm sure a lot of people can relate the I've heard lots of people in long-term relationships or I mean, that's just how it works. Back in the day you got married and kind of became a couple or became more of what they wanted you or to be or whatever. So I don't know if that was your experience, but yeah, so yeah, yeah we do it to ourselves yeah, like yeah it just yeah.

Speaker 2: 3:38

You lose yourself for sure. Yeah, I think that's been why, why I been single for a while. I kind of enjoy my independence and just doing whatever I want. But you said you made radical changes. Want to talk about that? Or do you want to just talk about how you mentor people?

Speaker 1: 3:56

I'm a both kind of woman so I'll do both. I very much coach and mentor from a place of authenticity, um. So I coach intuitively. I am really connected to myself, um, and that has just got. That connection has just got stronger and stronger the more that I have, you know, kind of thrown all these these kind of parts of me up into the air and gone. Oh OK, like let's integrate that part but, but also just releasing all the kind of adopted stuff that I was carrying.

Speaker 1: 4:39

So I coach people to really step into their fullest power, to really connect with the truth of themselves and really embody that trust within. And essentially it's not something we're taught, you know. We're taught to live in our heads and actually the more we can live in our bodies, that's when where the wisdom really sits. Our body is always communicating to us.

Speaker 1: 5:10

So I teach my clients to get out of their heads and into their bodies and allow themselves to feel, because we actually create from a place of feeling and not from a place of thinking. And when we are embodying all of ourselves and that fullest expression, we can start to really uncover our gifts and follow our truest path. So that's very much been my own experience and you know some of the radical things that I, or changes that I have done since I left my marriage, was travel. I've traveled to so many different countries. I did a whole month solo traveling in Bali last year, leaving my three children. I chose not to buy a house, so I've just made choices that felt right for me, versus what we're told we should do and what society kind of conditions us to believe is the path.

Speaker 2: 6:24

Yeah, and a lot of people do what like their parents said, or parents wanted for them, or they're like, once you get married, what your spouse wants you to do, or yeah, so I definitely get that.

Speaker 1: 6:35

Yeah, it's easier and it's safer to do that. Um, it takes a lot of courage to step off the the the path that we are taught. Um, it's uncomfortable and I know my journey has. Yeah, it's been challenging for my family to to witness and to you know they've been uncomfortable by it because it's not what they believe or know, you know yeah, yeah, and I had a previous um guest or two that talk about um.

Speaker 2: 7:09

When you talk about being in your head, that's more like masculine energy in his mind and then women are supposed to be in their body and that's what you know, the feelings and all that is is more feminine, and when you've had to be independent and take care of yourself, you end up being more masculine and in your head. So you know, it's a similar thing, or just in getting in your body, and how do you approach that?

Speaker 1: 7:30

or you go ahead, yeah, um oh yeah, no, I have a lot to say on that one. Actually, um, because that's that's very much um, the kind of what I coach my clients through is you really embodying that, that feminine energy? And, um, for me, I was actually heavily in my masculine when I, uh, for most of my life and when I was married and um, so what that does in a relationship dynamic is it causes the man to fall more into his feminine. So how that then presents itself is the woman leading, you know, always holding the reins and almost like just not space for him to be able to hold them. And that's been a lot of my healing since I've left is to really heal that, that conditioned masculine. Because, yeah, that was how I was conditioned and I think you know there is a narrative in society which is, oh, you must be really busy, almost as if like that's a mark of success and always doing, and it's like we're human beings, not human doings.

Speaker 2: 8:43

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 8:44

And when we start to live more in our bodies and move from a place of feeling and it doesn't matter what gender we are we need to embody our masculine and feminine energy 100%. But obviously, you know, in a relationship dynamic, if a woman is heavily in her masculine, it's going to have a massive impact on how that plays out in the relationship and vice versa. Yeah, it's been a really interesting journey for me, stepping into dating to essentially, like you know, sit on my hands, sit on my hands don't move first Let him.

Speaker 1: 9:25

Let him pursue me. And yeah, it's taken a lot of healing, but but self-awareness is everything right, that's. Once we have the awareness we can start to interrupt and reprogram.

Speaker 2: 9:56

Yeah, yeah, and I always I like to mention books too, and I'm in the middle of, or almost done with, love life by Matthew Hussey, and he talks about that too.

Speaker 2: 10:05

Um, like loving yourself, but he gives you like a new spin on how to do it and then like self-awareness for sure, you know. Obviously I mean, and that that was my intent with my ex the ex-husband interview thing was, you know, he knew me when I was a controlling, you know bitch. Basically I was like I was, you know, in my masculine and trying to be in charge, but he was also masculine so we just butted heads so it was like stubborn, just like fighting, like we were literally in a canoe or a kayak together, both trying to go our direction. So obviously, a kayak, you have to go together. So we just wouldn't, we weren't going anywhere, but we wanted to be right. So, yeah, like it the dynamic, like you mentioned earlier is definitely can be that really resonates.

Speaker 1: 10:50

There was a lot of competition in my marriage and it was exhausting, absolutely exhausting and um and I think you know what you said about you know, kind of like the self-love piece, you know, being really connecting to yourself and loving yourself. Yeah, when you embody your feminine, you do those, you're tuned into the things that actually really turn you on and really light you up from the inside out. And that's very much. You know, a big part of my coaching is supporting my clients to, you know, uncover what are those things that allow themselves to fully express themselves but also create that energy and that aliveness within and make that like the priority. And then business comes around that.

Speaker 2: 11:43

Yeah, and that sounds like a good transition to talk more about the sex side of things like embodying, for that.

Speaker 1: 11:50

So if you want to talk more about oh yeah, absolutely, it's one of my favorite topics, so thank you for bringing that. Um, yeah, I mean, this has been a huge journey of mine. I've actually written a book about how I have my journey to owning my sexuality and what I realized, um so when? So this is my experience and I can only speak from that. I don't know how this feels for anyone else, but when I the start of my awakening, I don't really know what happened in my body, but something shifted. I had a breakthrough. I was in the middle of leading my first ever retreat holding this group of women, and they were having huge breakthroughs and transformations. Little did I realize that I would have an enormous one myself, and that was when my whole awakening started.

Speaker 1: 12:49

And how I describe this is like it was like a switch had been turned on full blast and I'd gone from really never feeling turned on to 24-7, like intense sexual energy, just not knowing what to even do with it, like it was a lot, and what it really led me to was to get really deeply intimate with myself and get to really learn about my body.

Speaker 1: 13:26

And I went on this journey, working with some sex coaches, going on some sexuality retreats and but but really, the you know, the like, the day to day of that was was actually getting deeply intimate with myself and I think, you know, one of the things I recognized was, as a woman, like our pussies are our most powerful portals in our body.

Speaker 1: 13:57

Right, they are the place that that not only births, um, human beings, it's the place that births ideas. Right, it's the place of creativity. And so, tapping into this energy and allowing myself to explore and really get to, to know my pussy because I didn't know her, she was sat between my legs, I disrespected her for pretty much most of my life um, not listen to her nose, and all of those things and it's been a really interesting journey is what I would say, and I and you know, as a woman also and this is true for men is like that's the place where we receive, we receive pleasure, we receive money, we receive wealth, we receive inspiration. So it was almost like I was blocked off from the neck down to my body, not connected, knocked off from the neck down to my body, not connected and so really opened up this whole well I want to say journey really into uncovering what was really present there and essentially I was just carrying an enormous amount of generational shame.

Speaker 2: 15:15

Yeah, yeah, that's definitely a big thing that people are finally realizing now that generational trauma and the shame just keeps getting like in the DNA of each person and you just keep carrying it down to the next generation what I recognize is, I was so tense in my pussy like so tense and now it's like she feels soft and I think that's a really good example of you know, a woman who's embodied her feminine because everything kind of like.

Speaker 1: 15:53

You know, there's a little, there's some softness there and if I look back at photos like 10 years ago, like I look so different. I look it's like this energy, it's like I look. I was asked to look for some photos for a press release the other day and she was like give me some photos of years back. And I was looking at these photos and I'm like fuck, I was just like so uptight um you can see it in.

Speaker 1: 16:25

You know I talk a lot about energy and how our energy communicates, before we've even opened our mouths, right? Yeah and just looking at these photos I can see it so clearly it's wild.

Speaker 2: 16:39

Yeah Well, I started this podcast with I call her, a majority of the time, co-host, and she was, you know, raised religiously and didn't have sex till she was married. And I was. I was not that way. You know, my parents, like my family was it was never a big deal or not. It was never a bad thing to have sex or to be sexual or to have those feelings. I was. I was naive for a while, but my first boyfriend taught me everything there was to know, Like you know, at 17, like everything we did, all the things, and I got to realize that I loved it, you know, and it's never been a hangup for me.

Speaker 1: 17:12

So that's amazing.

Speaker 2: 17:15

Yeah, and I've been told I give off that sexual energy, like you know, just like being who I am or whatever, just in the world. So I get what you're saying. Yeah, before and after.

Speaker 1: 17:26

I love that. I love that. Oh, I'm so pleased that you had that experience. Yeah, sex was taboo for you know, when I was growing up. You know so much shame done behind closed doors, quietly God don't make any noise. I mean, I mean, like really, you're not allowed to be in pleasure, like seriously. And if you think about, you know, sex education, right, they don't even talk about the pleasure spot, clitoris. None of that is talked about. It's like about reproduction. Oh okay, but actually sex is for pleasure, right? Yes, you can make babies that way, but first and foremost it's for pleasure, because it depends how many babies you want, right, there's a limit to how many babies a woman can deliver.

Speaker 2: 18:13

Really, yeah, and they haven't had to make it fun.

Speaker 2: 18:17

I love the experience, I'd say they had to make sex fun or pleasurable to do it, otherwise we wouldn't have babies, like you said. So if it was just you know, or in general, yeah, like I said, yeah, I definitely I discovered the pleasure, like at an early age. I talked about I used to do stand-up comedy and I talked about the clit, clitoris being very important and I kind of like the older, wiser woman, like letting people know, like don't ignore it yes, for sure, we're so gifted with that little little little button yeah oh my gosh, that's so great.

Speaker 1: 18:51

And and what you were saying then about how you say people can feel that you're, you know, you have that sexual energy. I just wanted to speak to that actually, because when a woman is, you know, owns her sexuality, not only does she own her voice, because the vulva and the vocal cords are a direct mirror image of each other and actually came from the same seed in the embryo image of each other and actually came from the same same seed in the embryo, but also, yes, she, she walks around the world with a completely different energy and it's felt. People can't always put their fingers on it, but they're like you know what is it about her? So, um, that's amazing yeah.

Speaker 2: 19:37

I mean yeah, and then, well then I get shy in bed. So it's very interesting, like I I'd rather be. I'm always in my feminine of letting the man be, like you know, take charge, kind of thing. So they've wanted me to speak up more, but I definitely make noise, like that's been a feedback, like, oh my god, I love that you make noise, because that's that's what's like the best thing for them.

Speaker 1: 19:58

You know, hearing that you're actually feeling the pleasure that they're providing so, yeah, it gives feedback to your partner, but also you actually get more pleasure because you're softening the pelvis when you make sound, when you breathe right, so more pleasure is is available. Um, but yeah, we're not taught that at school either. Um, so, yeah, like raw yeah, all right.

Speaker 2: 20:27

So like embodying, like how do you teach people to embody themselves? Like what are some techniques or methods that you've seen that work or don't work, or like that stop it yeah, great question.

Speaker 1: 20:39

and, um, you know, self-awareness is first and foremost, um, you know, and it really depends on you know where someone, where a woman, is in that journey of being in touch with her pussy. So let's say, you know there's no connection, like I didn't have any, just actually cupping your hand over your pussy and holding her can often be enough to start that connection and taking your awareness there. And you know, I'm all about really living from a place of intention. So just setting an intention that you want to create more of a connection can energetically start to really create that. But you know, saying hello to her, um, it might be you want to take a look at her in the mirror, like maybe you already have a really good connection, but maybe, you know, you don't get to sit with her and really speak to her like in the mirror.

Speaker 1: 21:50

That's always a very powerful exercise, um, but also can bring up a lot of um, emotion, um, it can help to release trauma and shame as well, um, but I mean, self-pleasure is like the most important thing and you know, self-pleasure is there's a spectrum, it's not just about touching your pussy, it's about actually being in touch with your whole body, because we are gifted with erogenous zones all around our bodies and, yeah, I certainly didn't know most of mine until the last few years. You know that self self pleasure in creating space to be with yourself and, you know, maybe lighting some candles, music and allowing yourself to just explore your body and how it feels and there is a resource which is also an affiliate link of mine, but, omg, yes, the website has little tutorials and little videos and all kinds of stuff about.

Speaker 2: 22:56

You know this. Information, so information, so.

Speaker 1: 22:58

I'm aware of that. Yeah, I like that yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:00

Great, all right, we can talk more about. Um. Well, actually, why don't you like let people know how to reach you if they want to work with you, and then we can have talk a little more afterwards too?

Speaker 1: 23:12

Yeah, um, so the best way to connect with me is either Facebook, um, which is Claire Dore, or Instagram is the Wild Woman CEO. And, yeah, I coach one to one. My signature program is called the Awakening, but I have some other access points if people are not ready to invest at that level. Points if people are not ready to invest at that level. So I'm just launching a new course called Embodied Dating and I also have a group for women called the Liberation Lounge. So there's lots of ways to kind of be in my energy, in my world, have my eyes on your life and your business and help you to create more intimacy, okay, sounds good and you're it's spelled.

Speaker 2: 24:02

It'll be in the description, but it's spelled d-o-r-e for your last name, with the accent, although we can't it's hard to find the accent on a typewriter to make the accent go on there. Yes, true, yeah, all right. So then back to um. I know you talked about some stuff like the candles and like be more self-aware. Is there any um, like I guess, personal stories about sex, that like just there's something, an example or a time where, like your first time, it really being more aware, experiencing like pleasure, either with someone or if it was more self-pleasure, and then that's kind of open up the door itself, or whatever you want to say yeah, I've got a couple of stories that are springing to mind around this.

Speaker 1: 24:44

Actually, um, which, um, you know the thing is sexuality, spirituality, spirituality are deeply interconnected and you know, sex, um with yourself, but also with a partner, can be a, um, a really deeply spiritual experience and can take you into what I call kind of like different dimensions and realms and um, and it can be incredibly healing.

Speaker 1: 25:16

So before I left my marriage, I started to kind of connect with my pussy because I ended up getting a prolapse and it was the first time, and it was the first time well, I've probably done it before, but it felt like a long time that I'd actually had to get the mirror out and go, oh my God, like what is going on, and take a look.

Speaker 1: 25:47

And I ended up going and working with this woman who does this kind of body work and essentially she massaged the inside of my vagina, like the walls, and it released enormous amount of emotion for me. There was so and I was getting all these different visuals of experiences I'd had as a teenager, experiences I'd had as a teenager, and shame, you know shame that I was kind of holding in that space and you know we tend to kind of hold, all of our trauma, around our hips and our pelvis. So it's not unusual for a woman to be holding this kind of emotion in woman, to be holding this kind of emotion in in her vagina and her vulva, um, and so that's one experience, um that really started to to um, uncover our path and and also our purpose yeah, yeah, I mean the, the book the body keeps the score talks about that, where you kind of hold everything in your body and I know, yeah, there's lots, lots of people doing more work with that.

Speaker 2: 27:15

Now there's a lot more awareness around it. So, yeah, it sounds is there a certain title of person that can help you with that.

Speaker 1: 27:26

Like, was she a pelvic floor person or a sexual therapist or like what was? Yeah, she was kind of like a pelvic floor kind of practitioner. But since then, the other story that I was that sprang to mind to share was I worked with a sexological body worker for quite a long time actually, and I worked with a few, but there was one particular practitioner that I worked with and in this experience, which was all about pleasure right, it's one way touch experience I ended up squirting for the first time and I mean, my God, it was like a flood. It was like a flood, but the release and the emotion that then came after that was huge. So you know, there's, if you think about kind of kink and people having fantasies and fetishes, and you know that's very.

Speaker 1: 28:41

You know, people have very kind of like strong judgments and views around all of this and don't really fully understand that actually a lot of this work can be deeply healing and, um, that's been my experience, um, and has been part of my journey. Um, it's. It's not what I'm desiring now. It's not what I'm desiring now, it's not what I'm needing, because I feel, um, yeah, I've elevated my awareness, so so much that I'm very, very conscious of my wounds and how they show up. When they show up, it's like a catch it really really quickly. But, um, yeah, it's. That was a really, really huge healing experience for me and massive, massive release.

Speaker 2: 29:20

I have an episode about squirting, but it wasn't like the spiritual release side of it, it was more like the mechanics of it or just knowing that it was not pee, like some people think it is. You know, so, yeah, yeah, it can be used in that way too too.

Speaker 1: 29:35

Yeah, absolutely. I. You know, when you're really truly connected and intentional about a sexual experience, then it can be hugely healing and, yeah, just elevate your, your connection to self, for sure.

Speaker 2: 29:54

Okay, all right. Well, are there any like final thoughts or like kind of last things you want to leave with our listeners?

Speaker 1: 30:02

I think the last thing I would want to leave, you know, thinking about you know we've talked about sex and sexuality and um, you know we didn't really touch on dating around that, but I think you know the probably didn't really touch on dating around that, but I think you know the probably the most important thing, um that I teach my clients and I'd love to share here to, to share with people, is um really understanding what is your, your yes and your no and your no, and that is about being connected to your body and um that just really helps you to embody this unshakable trust. When you, you know where your yes sits and um what that feels like, and you know where your no sits and what that feels like. And I think you know when you're no sex and what that feels like. And I think you know when you're dating or in relationships, you know you are tuned in to to what feels right for you in the moment, and I think that's deeply important in in all areas of life not just relationships.

Speaker 2: 31:17

Yeah, that's really powerful. Relationships, um, yeah, that's really powerful. Okay, all right, that sounds great. Well, thank you very much for being on and for you listeners. If you enjoyed it, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it and share it as well. But thank you very much again, claire thank you, I've loved chatting with you.

Speaker 1: 31:32

Thanks so much. Frank talk, frank talk, sex and dating educate.