What if the key to unlocking your true potential lies in embracing your faith more openly and accepting help from others? Join me, Kristi Falany, as I share the profound insights gained from a recent transformative women's retreat. From nostalgic camp experiences to powerful epiphanies, I'll discuss how acknowledging my tendency to "hide in plain sight" regarding my Christian faith has not only changed my perspective but also enriched my coaching practice. This realization underlines the importance of making our clients feel safe and understood in their spiritual journeys, and how overcoming fear-based decisions is crucial for personal growth.
In the second part of our episode, we'll explore the humbling lessons learned from my recovery experience after foot surgery. Being surrounded by 60 incredible women at the retreat taught me the value of asking for and receiving help, challenging my ingrained belief in self-reliance. Reflecting on John Rohn's idea that we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with, we'll dive into the importance of curating a supportive inner circle. Different types of friendships, the necessity of setting boundaries, and the dynamics of each relationship will be discussed to help you foster a positive and supportive environment for your personal growth. Tune in for a heartfelt and enriching conversation about faith, humility, and the power of a supportive community.
What if the key to unlocking your true potential lies in embracing your faith more openly and accepting help from others? Join me, Kristi Falany, as I share the profound insights gained from a recent transformative women's retreat. From nostalgic camp experiences to powerful epiphanies, I'll discuss how acknowledging my tendency to "hide in plain sight" regarding my Christian faith has not only changed my perspective but also enriched my coaching practice. This realization underlines the importance of making our clients feel safe and understood in their spiritual journeys, and how overcoming fear-based decisions is crucial for personal growth.
In the second part of our episode, we'll explore the humbling lessons learned from my recovery experience after foot surgery. Being surrounded by 60 incredible women at the retreat taught me the value of asking for and receiving help, challenging my ingrained belief in self-reliance. Reflecting on John Rohn's idea that we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with, we'll dive into the importance of curating a supportive inner circle. Different types of friendships, the necessity of setting boundaries, and the dynamics of each relationship will be discussed to help you foster a positive and supportive environment for your personal growth. Tune in for a heartfelt and enriching conversation about faith, humility, and the power of a supportive community.
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Speaker 1:
Hi, I am Christy Ballard-Fellaini. I am a certified life coach who found herself at 42, freshly divorced kids off to college and, having never dated in my adult life, I was starting in the middle. If you haven't yet hit, start on your middle time in life, let's do it together. Let the journey begin. Hey friend, welcome back to the podcast. I just want to tell you so very much how I am so grateful that you are here, that you have chosen to listen to this episode, that you have chosen to allow me to come into your life and to pour into your life, because that is one of my most favorite things is being able to help women, to encourage women, to make women more aware of their own thinking. If we have not yet been introduced, my name is Christy Fellini and I am a certified life coach, and I love helping women to stop feeling like they are just existing in their lives. I help them to align their Christian values with who it is that they were meant to be in this world. I help them to make tough decisions, decisions that may be holding them back, decisions that they haven't yet made, maybe because they are afraid of the outcome or they are worried about what the future might hold, and so I help them to see just how much fear is holding them back from the things that they truly desire for their lives. So let's get started today.
Speaker 1:
So I had to go back and listen to last week's episode because I wanted to remind myself exactly what it is that I told you about the retreat because, if you will recall, I mentioned that I was going on a women's retreat and I told you that I was going to follow up with you this week to kind of give you some insight as to why I went on the retreat and partly about what I experienced and what I learned from it. Okay, so, as I mentioned in the previous podcast, I'm not going to give you all of the details because I don't want to spoil it for you. Okay, and as I was listening to last week's podcast, I kind of noticed a weird theme going on for me. I noticed that I had mentioned in that podcast this statement. I didn't do a whole lot of research. Now, if you've been following me for some time, you probably noticed yourself that that's been a theme for me here lately. If you are not aware, I recently had foot surgery. I say recently, but it is about 12 weeks out now that I had foot surgery.
Speaker 1:
But I jumped right in and I didn't do a whole lot of research. Okay, and it was very similar to how I chose to go about this retreat. I didn't do a whole lot of research, but what made me jump headfirst, what made me go into it without doing the research, was the outcome that I knew that was going to happen after the fact, the what was in store for me after the fact, the what was in store for me after the fact Because, with my foot surgery, I had been in pain for so, so long and I knew that the outcome was eventually going to be pleasure again. The outcome was eventually going to be me running again, me enjoying simple walks out in nature again, me being able to do life to the full extent that I truly want to do it being pain-free. And that is the same exact reason that I went into this retreat without doing a whole lot of research, because I just knew that, if I trusted in hope and anticipation of what God had in store for me on the other side of experiencing this retreat, I just knew it couldn't go wrong. And so, as I mentioned, I'm not going to give you a whole lot of the details, but what I do want to share with you is what I got out of it. Okay, so this was a women's retreat. It was a Christian women's retreat. The only gentlemen that were there were gentlemen that were serving us, so that was really really cool, okay. And so inside this retreat it was almost like going back to camp. It was super, super cool, and that was like one of the biggest things that I enjoyed about it is that it just felt like camp again, and so I just really really enjoyed that part of it. But let's talk about things more on a serious note. Okay, like what did I get from this retreat? I was going into it with a lot of personal questions, a lot of questions on my mind of things that I knew, that I wanted to take the information that I was learning and I was hoping for answers, and so one of the biggest thing that I got out of this retreat was a sense of direction.
Speaker 1:
I'm currently in the middle of a book called Worthy by Jamie Lima Kern, I believe Not 100% sure, but I will put it in the show notes, but I'm in the middle of her book, worthy, and one of the phrases that she uses to kind of, you know, bring things into perspective, is the idea of hiding in plain sight, and as I was reading this, it immediately catapulted to how I feel about my journey and my walk in my Christian faith. Is that something that I discovered is that this is how I feel in my Christian walk, this is how I feel in in how I present myself in my business, is that I am hiding in plain sight, meaning that I know that I'm a Christian and I know that I live my life by Christian values, but you may not know that I'm a Christian. Someone that I encounter on the street they may not know that I am a Christian, know that I am a Christian, and my biggest desire is that when my clients come to me, they know that their Christian faith and their walk will have a safe space with me, because I want them to already be aware that I am a Christian. I have a client who we were in the middle of her 12-week program and several weeks had gone by and the subject of Christianity had not come up at all. It didn't come up on my end, it didn't come up on her end, and so when we shared this part of ourselves with each other. It completely opened up our coaching sessions to a completely different level. When we opened up and we shared that side of ourselves with each other, our conversations became so much more meaningful because we were relating to each other on a completely different level. So when I talk about this retreat giving me direction, this is exactly what I'm talking about is that I want my clients to already know that when they come to me, that they are in a safe space of talking about their beliefs, that they are in a safe space of sharing their Christian values with me and they will bear witness to who I am in my own personal Christian walk. And again, when I think about that idea of hiding in plain sight, I want to be honest with you. I never really understood the word witness as it was being used in being a witness to Christ, and it makes so much more sense now that I think about it, because when I think about this idea of hiding in plain sight, my actions and how I present myself to the world and how I present myself in my relationships reflect my identity in Christ, and that's what it means to bear witness.
Speaker 1:
Something else that I got out of the retreat was humility yes, humility. So, going into the retreat, I was not completely healed after having my foot surgery. I was at the point where I am able to walk more steadily on my foot I sometimes still do use my crutch, but there were times during this retreat that my foot was just completely fatigued, that I actually moved back into the boot so that I felt like I had more stability and more control. And so when I say that, humility was something that I had to surrender to, what I mean by that is that my coach and I had talked about the earlier stages of my foot surgery recovery being a good opportunity for me to learn to receive and to ask for help, and I've done a pretty good job of that when it's been just my husband that I had needed to ask for help. And so here I was, completely away from home in the presence of 60 other women, and there were times that I needed help.
Speaker 1:
There were times that I had to ask, accept and receive help, and if you are someone who takes pride in your independence, like I do, this can be pretty tough If you're someone who was taught from a very early time that doing things on your own and being able to do things on your own, that belief system gets ingrained in your brain. I remember my ex-husband once told me about how put out he felt when I asked him to do something that I could do myself, and that type of thinking stayed ingrained in in my brain. So, yes, this foot surgery recovery has been a huge learning lesson in asking and receiving help, because the truth of the matter is is that when you are legitimately in a season of needing help and anytime you feel like you are in need of help, the people who love you, who surround you, who are in your inner circle, should be the ones that you can look to for help. So, being in this retreat and surrounding myself with women who are just so eager to be that helping hand, to be the servant of God, and so eager to love on you when you are in a situation of needing that extra help, was such a huge lesson for me to allow myself to surrender to ask for help when I need it and to understand that it is an action of love to be able to help someone who is in need, and so I am so grateful that this was one of the takeaways that I know is going to benefit me and also continue to be the backbone of my business and what I do to help other women. All right, and my biggest takeaway from this retreat is the power of your inner circle. Okay, so John Rohn says that you are the sum of the five people that you spend the most time with, and I truly believe this.
Speaker 1:
You have heard me talk about before how hard it is to create new friendships at midlife. Oftentimes, what happens when we become empty nesters or when we have a career change, or when we have a lifestyle change? We find ourselves in this space of wanting to create those friendships, of wanting to create a circle of women around you who are there to support you, who are there to lift you up, and so, if you are someone who struggles to make friends, I would encourage you to go back and look through my previous podcasts in how to create those new relationships. But something that I want to talk to you about today is the importance of understanding those new friendships. Okay, this idea came to me as I was listening to a podcast earlier this week by Pamela Krim and a question that she had brought up was who are you allowing a seat at your table. Who are you allowing to speak into your life and when you start to create these new friendships, it is such a good idea to take note of the different types of friendships, the different styles of friendships, and become very aware of who it is that you are allowing to speak into your life, because I don't know about you, but I wouldn't take financial advice from someone who is severely in debt.
Speaker 1:
So I kind of thought about the friendships that I have in my life and I came up with three different themes that I notice in the types of friend relationships that are currently in my life. So I thought I would share these with you. So the first one that came to mind was the fair weather friend. Now, this is that friend who kind of stays caught up in her own little world Okay, who stays caught up in the circumstances that are going on in her life, and so sometimes it may seem that she might be a little bit standoffish again. Or a friend who you find that you have to reach out to more often and maybe she'll respond. That fair weather friend may be the friendship that if you want it to continue, you might have to put a little more effort into it. You might have to allow a little more effort into it, you might have to allow a little extra grace, but being aware that this is the type of relationship that you have with this friend will help you to understand to take nothing personally, to not assign any type of meaning when this friend doesn't show as much attention to the relationship as what you might have been hoping for. But the key is to take nothing personally.
Speaker 1:
Another type of friendship that I often see is that of the shameless receiver. So this is the friend who takes, takes, takes, who is mostly friends with you when they are getting something out of it. The friend who is always asking for favors, the friend who is always asking you to make things more convenient for them. This is the type of friendship that is mostly to maybe even never, where the actions of grace, the actions of love are reciprocated. Those friendships where you feel like you are constantly putting in all the effort, you are constantly doing all of the favors, you are constantly putting your own needs in the relationship on the back burner. And girlfriend, I just want to tell you, nobody has time for that. So if you are in this type of relationship, I strongly encourage you to set up strong boundaries and really ask yourself and consider why is it that you are in a relationship and that you are investing your effort and time in a relationship that is not reciprocal?
Speaker 1:
And then the last friendship is the friendship that I absolutely love, which is the merry-go-round friendship, and that's the friendship where both parties are excited to ride. Both parties are all in for each other, both parties are genuinely interested in the day-to-day life of how the other friend is doing. So this is the merry-go-round relationship where you continue to check in with each other. You know when that friend has something major going on in their lives and you're there to reach out and talk to them. You're there to reach out and ask them do they need help? This is the friendship where understanding is always part of the equation. They understand when you're tired. They understand no-transcript, you didn't respond to a message. They understand because they are willing to invest just as much into the friendship as you are.
Speaker 1:
And these merry-go-round friendships this is exactly one of the things that I took away from this retreat is how having a strong support system of women who encourage you, who lift you up, who are there for you through every facet of what you have going on in your life. These are the friendships that I want to invest in Now. That fair weather friend there's nothing wrong with her. She just doesn't need you as much, and that's okay. That shameless receiver you need to decide how much you want to continue to give, give and give, but once you have found that merry-go-round friend, hang on to her and be on that merry-go-round with her. Give as much as you receive, all right.
Speaker 1:
So if you would like to learn more about this retreat, I would love to share more with you. So you can always reach out to me on my social media. You can also email me at christy, at christyfallainicoachingcom, and, as always, if you and I share a similar mission, that is, to help as many women as possible to rediscover joy in their own lives and to help them stop feeling like they are just existing in their life, please share this episode with them or any number of the other episodes that you have listened to of Start in the Middle and also my friends just around the corner is Empowering Women's Coffee and Connection, the July installment of the Summer of you. This month we are going to be talking about the difference between self-worth and self-confidence, and I tell you I was astounded when I discovered that there was a difference, because for years, my thought process was if I have more self-confidence, I will be able to create everything that I want in my life. That is going to make me happy, and so I am excited to share with you July the 10th at 9am it is a virtual meeting through Zoom that we are doing the difference between self-worth and self-confidence, because I think that once you know the difference, it is going to make a huge difference in your life. It is going to transform the way that you have been doing life. It's going to transform the way that you think about yourself.
Speaker 1:
All right, so click the link inside the show notes to get yourself registered and don't wait to do it. I had three different messages on my phone last month after we finished Coffee and Connections from three different women who were saying, hey, I can't get in, hey, I can't register, because they were trying to register after we had started. So do not delay. Make sure that you register early, make sure that you get on Zoom. Get all the updates, because inevitably, zoom always tries to do all the updates as you are trying to get on. So just alleviate all those headaches and come and hang out with us. You guys have an amazing week and I hope you enjoyed this episode. Who is your life coach? I would love the opportunity to work with you as you are rediscovering the woman you were meant to be. Visit christyballardfelainicom for more information on how we can work together to ignite that passionate, enthusiastic woman who may have been tucked away for some time. Let's start in the middle together.
