Ever found yourself jumping to conclusions in a heated moment? Join me as I recount a recent road trip from my hometown to San Antonio, Texas, where I stumbled upon a powerful lesson in understanding our emotional reactions and improving communication within relationships. I share a personal story involving two acquaintances where an innocent interruption led to unexpected anger. By stepping in and offering a coaching perspective, I helped one woman recognize that her brain was jumping to negative conclusions without knowing the other person's true motive. This episode underscores the significance of empathy and awareness in fostering healthier relationships.
But that's not all! We also dive into the "Summer of You" series, guiding you through the easy steps to join and emphasize the importance of not taking things personally to achieve genuine joy in life. If you share the mission of helping women transition from merely existing to truly thriving, this episode is a must-listen. Don't forget to share your thoughts and leave a five-star review. For additional inspiration and guidance, visit christyballardfellaini.com and connect with me on social media. Together, we'll reignite your passion and help you rediscover the woman you were meant to be.
Thanks for listening. Follow me in Facebook and Instagram.
Ever found yourself jumping to conclusions in a heated moment? Join me as I recount a recent road trip from my hometown to San Antonio, Texas, where I stumbled upon a powerful lesson in understanding our emotional reactions and improving communication within relationships. I share a personal story involving two acquaintances where an innocent interruption led to unexpected anger. By stepping in and offering a coaching perspective, I helped one woman recognize that her brain was jumping to negative conclusions without knowing the other person's true motive. This episode underscores the significance of empathy and awareness in fostering healthier relationships.
But that's not all! We also dive into the "Summer of You" series, guiding you through the easy steps to join and emphasize the importance of not taking things personally to achieve genuine joy in life. If you share the mission of helping women transition from merely existing to truly thriving, this episode is a must-listen. Don't forget to share your thoughts and leave a five-star review. For additional inspiration and guidance, visit christyballardfellaini.com and connect with me on social media. Together, we'll reignite your passion and help you rediscover the woman you were meant to be.
Thanks for listening. Follow me in Facebook and Instagram.
Speaker 1:
Hi, I am Christy Ballard-Fellaini. I am a certified life coach who found herself at 42, freshly divorced kids off to college, and having never dated in my adult life, I was starting in the middle. If you haven't yet hit start on your middle time in life, let's do it together. Let the journey begin. Hey friend, welcome back to the podcast. If this is your first time tuning into this podcast, my name is Christy Fellaini and I am a certified life coach. I absolutely love helping women find the happiness that they want and they deserve in their lives.
Speaker 1:
Today, I'm taking the podcast on the road. I'm actually traveling to San Antonio, san Antonio, texas. That is from oh, I guess you can call it my hometown. I guess I've lived there long enough to say that it's my hometown, but I'm headed out for a doctor's appointment. Yeah, sometimes we do have to travel to get that medical care that we're seeking, right, that medical care that we're seeking right.
Speaker 1:
So as I'm driving, I was thinking about something that happened yesterday and so I thought, hey, why not? I'm going to use my phone, I'm going to hit record and I'm just going to see where it goes. So I just want to say thank you for tuning in, so I just want to say thank you for tuning in. So something came to mind as I was driving along and I was listening podcast and something popped into my brain about a conversation that I had yesterday. And the reason that I'm thinking about this is because I'm thinking about contribution and I'm thinking about how do I contribute to the relationships that I am in, that's, the relationships either with people who are really, really close in my close-knit circle, but also people who are not in my close-knit circle. So yesterday I observed a conversation that was going on between two women who are my acquaintances, and these are both women who I come across pretty regularly and so, being an empath, I noticed that one of the women was pretty unhappy, like I could see it in her body language. I can see that her hands were kind of up in the air. You know. Her elbows were kind of up in the air, bent. Her fingers were kind of swaying back and forth. You know the kind of motion that you contribute to.
Speaker 1:
Maybe somebody is angry or maybe they are in some way in some discomfort. And I also heard a glimpse of the words that she was using and I could hear her tone, so I could immediately tell she was bothered by something. Now, again, because I am an empath, when I see something like this, when I see that someone is bothered, or when I see them having emotions whether it be crying or you could see the discomfort on their face my body tends to take on that emotion. And so when I noticed her in this state, I immediately started thinking about contribution and I immediately started thinking about is this something that I can help with? You see, it's just my natural way. When I sense that someone is upset, I want to help. When I sense that someone is going through something rough, I want to help. When my friends share with me something that they are dealing with that is bringing them sadness, that is bringing them some uncomfortable feelings like anxiousness or worry or fear, my brain says you need to help, says you need to help. And so I went ahead and I entered myself into this conversation because I know that I had something that she needs at this point. So, as I'm listening to the conversation, I'm trying to say to her can I show you something? Can I show you something?
Speaker 1:
And at this point I could tell that she was very angry and her response was please let me finish my sentence. I love that. I love it when people speak what they mean, people that tell other people what they mean, and at that point she really needed to get that sentence out. She needed to feel like she was heard, and it was great because it helped me to understand the story better. It helped me to see where she was coming from, to see her point of view, and it also helped me to connect with her.
Speaker 1:
And because I took the time to listen and to connect with her, she was very open to what I had to say and basically the scenario was that she was minding her own business. She was doing an action that she felt was very important at the time and someone interrupted that action. Someone, with no rhyme or reason, interrupted what she was doing and what happened was that she took it personally. She took it to mean that the other person was trying to interrupt her and was trying to tell her that she was doing something wrong, that she was being rude, that she wasn't being a good listener, and so when I offered her this coaching opportunity and I promise you I don't offer coaching to my friends very often I will ask them do you need me to listen or do you want some coaching advice?
Speaker 1:
And at this point I could tell that she was really upset. So the coach in me immediately came out, because I knew what she needed so desperately was to hear a coaching perspective, because she was at that point where the voices in her head, the chatter in her head, pushed her over to anger. Her voice, the voice in her head was not being rational with the actual situation, and so what I offered to her in that instance was awareness, an awareness of what was actually happening in her brain. And what was happening was that her brain was taking the actions of this circumstance without all the facts and was immediately going to anger and immediately going to frustration, without actually knowing the true motive of the other person involved, of the other person involved. And so, by me stepping in, I was able to calm her down, I was able to offer her the awareness of what was actually going on in her brain. I was able to offer her awareness and I was able to point out to her that you don't even know the motive of the other person unless you specifically ask them, because your brain is immediately going to offer negativity, your brain is immediately going to go to. Well, I must be doing something wrong, or the other person thought I was doing something wrong, or the other person thought I was doing something wrong.
Speaker 1:
Oftentimes, this is what our brain offers to us. Oftentimes, someone else does something and we don't know their rhyme or reason for doing it, but we just naturally assume that it's going to have something to do with us. We naturally assume that it's got something to do with some way that we are wrong. We just naturally assume that they're trying to point out a way in which we are doing something harmful or trying to point out a way in which we aren't acting in a specific manner. So when I notice that this happens for my clients, when I noticed that they are trying to predict what someone else is thinking, or they're trying to predict the actions of someone else, it is not serving them at all, because what we do is we make it mean something about us and our brain naturally goes to the negative. Our brain naturally thinks that there is something wrong with us.
Speaker 1:
And so when you're able to take a step back and give your brain the time that it needs to calm down, give your nervous system the time that it needs to calm down. Give your nervous system the time that it needs to calm down. Give your nervous system the time that it needs. Take a few breaths in order to allow yourself to calm down and then you can start asking some questions. Do I have all the information? Asking some questions? Do I have all the information? Because, without asking the other person, hey, why did you do that? What were you trying to gain? What were you trying to communicate? Without having all of the information, your brain is going to go wild with all the negativity of how you are wrong.
Speaker 1:
And so, when you're able to take a step back and remind yourself that you don't have all the information, you're allowed to choose to not take it personally. And when you choose to not take the actions and the words of other people personally, you're able to set your brain free. You're able to remind yourself, and especially her in this situation, that what she was doing was important to her. And even if someone else thinks that what she is doing is not important, it's important to her. That's all she needs to know, that's all she needs to be aware of, and that awareness is what she needs to allow to drive her thinking in that moment. So, remembering that taking nothing personally helps. Set you free, remembering that other people are going to do whatever it is that they're going to do, and it's totally out of our control that we don't have to control them, because when they do those things it is about them. It has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 1:
All right, so if you have never read Don Miguel Ruiz's the Four Agreements, I highly recommend it. I'm talking, highly recommend it, and you guys, it's such an easy read. But especially read that section about taking nothing personally. It completely reminds you that the actions of others have nothing to do with us. The way that they show up in the world has nothing to do with us, nothing to do with our self-worth, with our self-confidence, with the ways that we show up and contribute in this world. You guys, I absolutely love the work that I do. I love the growth that it has allowed for me. I love the personal development that I have been personally going through over the last 10 years, and this is exactly why I do what I do, so that I can share it with other women. It has changed the way that I look at the world. It has completely changed the way that I see myself. It has completely changed my relationship with the people that I love and especially my relationship with God. It has completely changed the way that I show up with the people that I love. So if you are someone who is interested in personal growth and making changes to yourself and the way that you contribute in this world, I highly recommend that you join me July the 10th.
Speaker 1:
You see, I do a monthly women's group called Empowering Women's Coffee and Connections, but this summer is extra special. We're doing the Summer of you series. In June, we talked about identity. We talked about how your personality traits contribute to your identity. So in July specifically July the 10th at 9 am Central, which is tomorrow we are taking it a step further. We're talking about self-worth versus self-confidence. And then when you add in this secret ingredient that I'm going to share with you exclusively inside the Summer Review series, when you add in this secret ingredient, you're going to find so much more fulfillment and so much more happiness and joy in your life. So I encourage you to come and hang out with us July the 10th.
Speaker 1:
I'm going to post the link inside the show notes. All you have to do is click on the link, choose the date, enter your information, then check your email. Inside your email is going to be the link for you to show up for you. You guys, I hope that you have enjoyed this message. I hope that you got some personal insight out of it. I hope that you will continue to choose to take nothing personally, and if your mission is anywhere similar to my mission, which is helping other women to stop just existing in their life and create and find the joy that is actually meant for them, is actually meant for them, please will you do me a favor and share this episode.
Speaker 1:
I would also love it if you would leave me a five-star review. All right, you guys, if you have any questions about this episode, please reach out to me. Find me on the socials, because I would love to connect with you. So, you guys, have an amazing week and I hope to see you inside the Summer of you series. Who is your life coach? I would love the opportunity to work with you as you are rediscovering the woman you were meant to be. Visit christyballardfelainicom for more information on how we can work together to ignite that passionate, enthusiastic woman who may have been tucked away for some time. Let's start in the middle together. Thank you.
