#3 - Why it's okay that you don't know what the hell you're doing with your life

I'm sure you've wondered "Why haven't I got it all figured out yet?", "why am I the only one left when all my friends are settling down and having kids?".

It's easy to think that you should have all o f it figured out by the time you're 25, or at the very latest 30. But I'm here to reassure you that isn't the case.

Yes, a number of people follow that path. They heard what society said, what we were told from when we grew up, from our parents, teachers, friends, family, and other people we met along the way and most were telling the same story: when you grow up, you need to get a good job, buy a house, get married, have kids and settle down.

Now it's still not wrong to want those things. You might want exactly that or nothing at all, but to think you have to have it all worked out as to as and when just isn't the case.

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Key Moments:

• "We start by thinking that everybody has got it sussed out. Like, hands up if your friends are settling down, getting married, having kids, seem to have like their jobs all sussed, and living on their own, have their own place, and it’s all sorted."
• "It's this comparison culture that causes overwhelming feelings."
• "It's that conflict of pleasing ourselves or pleasing others."
• "You are not alone in the experience."
• "Action is the key here."
• "In 10 years’ time, if you're still in the same scenario you are now in that area, would you regret it?"
• "Life is not about following the same system for all of us, it's about finding the right system for us."

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RESOURCES:

- Download my FREE Dating Non-Negotiables Guide

- Visit my website: www.chantellethecoach.com

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Music from Ep 110 onwards by Kadien Music. Get your own podcast music here!
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life coaching for singles, how to be okay on you're own, overcoming loneliness, how to stop feeling lonely, single women, divorced in your 20s

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Transcript

0:09       Hello, and welcome to the next episode of the Single Girl’s Guide to Life, your weekly guide to embracing single life in your 20s and 30s. Expect relationship chat, single life living, and learning to be yourself as I share insights, wisdom, and knowledge that will help you navigate your single life status. I'm Chantelle the Coach, a quarter life and confidence coach that helps women who are single, separated, or divorced to overcome doubt and uncertainty through their quarter life crisis or other life change, so that they can work out what they want, make decisions with confidence, and take action towards living a life they can thrive in. And today's episode is actually all about that because it's called “Why it's completely okay that you don't know what the hell you're doing with your life.”

0:55       And I think that we start by thinking that everybody has got it sussed out. Like, hands up if your friends are settling down, getting married, having kids, seem to have like their jobs all sussed, and living on their own, have their own place, and it’s all sorted. Now, this is really common thing because you started school at the same time, you're all doing things at the same time, pretty much you all went to uni at the same time. So therefore, you expect everything else to happen at the same time. And when you then jump on Instagram, you see these perfectly curated feeds of all the wonderful things going on: the baby showers, the houses in front of the doors, all of that. And if you then look on stories, it looks like everyone's out having fun all the time.

1:33       When you're a single person, particularly a newly single person going through a breakup or separation divorce, that can be quite overwhelming because you're taking a step back. You're going what feels like backwards rather than going forwards. But it's this comparison culture, this idea that there was a trajectory that you were meant to be on, that you should be following that causes this. And in today's episode, we're going to address this. By the end of today's episode, you're going to start to look around and realise that it doesn't have to be this way and that everybody feels the way that you currently do at some point. They might not feel it now because they haven't yet, or they might not feel it now because they've been through it and come out of the other side. And that's what I'm going to start today, because I am one of these people that has gotten through that and come out the other side.

2:25       Now, my scenario was very much follow the trajectory: the trajectory of getting good grades, going to uni, getting a good job, buy a house, get married. But it was at that point that I almost felt like I'd done it. I had done all of the things that I felt I was meant to be doing, and I was meant to be quite happy about it. But then I didn't feel that way.

2:46       And the best way that I can describe this is that I was climbing a mountain and I had gotten to the peak, and my journey up the mountain had been fairly smooth. It hadn't been steep. It had been fairly gradual. There hadn't been many bumps in the road. And once I was at the top, I kind of considered, “Oh, there were quite a few paths to getting here. Some of them are steeper and a little bit quicker. Some of them take longer, a bit more windy, a little bit harder.” And I think that's everybody's way of life, which instantly shows that there are different ways, and therefore going to be different lengths of time to get into the same bit. The bit, however, that really made me maybe reconsider what I was doing, and I inverted commas didn't know what the hell I was doing with my life, was when I felt like I was at the peak and didn't know what to do. Now I was there, and then I started to notice other peaks, different mountains, and some of them were bigger or taller, and some of them were a bit different. And I wonder even if you could imagine it as a series of mountains in your life that you're climbing. So you climb a career mountain, you climb an independence mountain, you climb a relationship mountain, a friendship mountain. And in some of those ranges, I realised that I didn't want to be on the mountains or climbing the mountains that I was on, and I noticed there were other mountains that I hadn't ever seen before. Now, I don't think I'm the only one that sometimes realises that. I'll talk a little bit more about the stats in a bit, but there are two types. And some of you are going to align with this and some of you will align with a slightly different sort of, sort of not knowing what to do. But at this point, I was like, “What am I going to do?”

4:20       Now in my life, I'd seen different peaks and had this experience before if I go back to that context. After my uni degree, I'm getting a two-one, I pivoted and went into a postgraduate in something completely different. That had felt very straightforward to do. But on this occasion, this was different. In the first scenario of the uni degrees, I had known what to do, I took charge, and I found a new path. With this one, I was stuck on a mountain that I didn't want to be on, and I was too afraid to get off of it.

4:50       Now I want to explore those feelings. I think when we feel that we've done something, we've achieved some things, and we've had all that validation go around: the cheerleaders, all of the “well done”, “you're doing well”, “keep going”, “Oh, look at your grades, look at the results”, graduation ceremonies, and so on. All the promotion at work, all of those kind of things, getting married, celebrated. You're doing the thing that everyone's approving of. There’s social events that support that. There’s validation externally that you're getting, but I didn't really ever consider the internal validation. Did I really want these things? Was it what I wanted? Is what I thought I wanted is what everyone told me that I'd wanted. And I think we're all told that when we're at school. That's the trajectory that most of us are told. The story that we’re giving. Get good grades, go to seek formal college, get good grades at a level in BTEC, study at uni, get a good job, and tick off all those boxes slowly but surely. And that isn't a wrong path. It's just not the only path. That path works for a number of people. It’s the reason people promote it. However, it's not the path for everyone nor is it the only way to do it. And there is no timescale either. There are lots of people as mentioned, you're following a year group that you used to literally do everything with at exactly the same time. It didn't matter if you're born earlier or later, you did the same things at the same time. In your group, do you feel grouped in that way? And there is this element of kind of breaking out of that in every sense.

6:12       Now the things that were stopping me, there was a number. I was stopping myself. I had invested 10 years or so of stuff towards that kind of life from 16 to 26, it would be, GCSEs through to being married. That's a long time, and I don't think anyone wouldn't like discredit that, that we all feel that we've put an incredible amount of energy and time into the things that we have achieved in our lives. And the realisation at the top of that mountain or near to it, is the fact that if there are other mountains, I have to get off of this one. And that's, one, difficult because of the people it impacts, but two, the time investment in there, as well.

6:49       Another thing that was holding me back was the worry of what other people would think, a variety of things. So, you've got the person that's directly going to be impacted on this in terms of the relationship element. But then, you've also got the judgement of your choices and your decisions that people – They do it through intention of caring, in most cases, and what they believe to be right and true that gives happiness and success. But it's also this, “Oh my, what are they going to think? What am I going to say? What are they going to ask? I’m going to have to do this like 6000 times over. Oh my goodness.” And it's that overwhelm. And then there's this element of making a mistake. What if I make my situation worse and what am I going to do? Where am I going to live? What do I say to people? I'm going to be so upset, we’re like. And there's all of these different things. And they weren't wrong in some elements of that, but you still work through them. But it's those feelings that you're going through.

7:38       Now, it’s at this point that I really want to talk about the concept of the quarter life crisis because ultimately, I believe this is what that was. And I potentially believe that could be something that you're experiencing too. Now, we don't talk about it as much. A midlife crisis is much more popular and much more commonly spoken about. It's almost deemed completely acceptable that at some point in your late 30s, 40s to 50s, you're going to experience this point where you don’t know what you're doing with your life then. In the 20s, we don't really call it the quarter life crisis, as such. I don't hear many people talk about it. We do often hear people say, “You find yourself in your 20s”, which I completely agree with. But I would also quite like the phrase “quarter life crisis” to be used a lot more often because finding yourself feels freeing and true, which at the time of going through a quarter life crisis is the last thing you feel like is happening. And I'd also don't want you to panic about the thought of a quarter life crisis. “Does that mean there's something wrong with me? There's a crisis, what am I going to do? It's going to make my life harder.” The more you’re struggling. No. The whole point of that term is that this is an incredibly tense time and an intense time where you don't know what you're doing, and you don't know what choices to make. And it's almost like you just can't make any decision, and you don't take any action at all because you're so caught up in these thoughts of, “But I've worked so hard. What are other people going to think? What am I going to do?” And there's a level of overwhelm. And the reason I think we should have a term for it is because so many people go through it.

9:04       Now, you might feel like you're the only person going through this. As I say, everyone around you looks like they've got it sussed. You might have one or two confidants that you speak to, and you go, “Okay, right. It's not just me” or “Okay, at least they listen to me.” This is really common. Now, I didn't explore this fully at the time of experiencing my quarter life crisis though I did touch on one book that I've read, looked at today or recently. And since then, and since wanting to reflect on my whole kind of time two years ago, I looked into the quarter life crisis more. And there is some fantastic work out there. There's a brilliant webinar by Dr. Oliver Robinson, who's done a lot of research. I advise you go and watch it. It's an hour and 45 minutes if you've got it to spare, but it is fantastic. It's called, “Turning Quarter Life Crisis into Opportunity.” I'm not going to sit or repeat what he says because he does it so well, but there was a key couple of elements in it that I thought was important to make. One of them came from a discussion I had with my mum when we were talking about the 10 things that he mentions contributes to quarter life crisis or could, depending on your gender. And my mom made the point, “Well, those are things that just happen in life.” And I agree with her. The things, you know, whether it's a relationship breakup or you're having financial difficulties. Yes, those are the things that happen in life and we have to get through them.

10:16    I think the key part of it being a crisis that you don't know how to get yourself out, and you don't feel that you know what to do. You're lost because of it. And therefore, in my head, that's why it's called that because following my university degree, I pivoted and did a postgraduate. There was no feeling or sense of loss, confusion or overwhelm. Yes, well at the time I was exploring and looking on, “What can I do? What am I going to do? Do I really want to stay in this?” But it wasn't like I don't know how to get myself out of this scenario and I don’t know what action to take. In that scenario I was like, “Oh, I found this so I'm going to go for it.” And I didn't really know it's going to be successful but I was confident that I was going to try it, and that I would be okay. That wasn't a quarter life crisis. That was a life experience and a decision. With the other one, there were reasons that I felt like I couldn't do it. And while yours might not be a relationship one, you might be tied into a job and you like the people that work there, it's not a bad job, it pays you well, but you want to try something different that isn't going to pay as much to start with, that you don't have the qualifications yet so you're doubting yourself, that you will have to tell the current employers that you have that you're going to leave and you really like them, and you don't want to disappoint them. But, and there's an element of then you end up with these things like, not allowing you to take steps forwards, and there's the worry, the confusion of making the wrong choice. I said all of those things with quite a lot of confidence, but there's that bit of, “Oh, but should I just stay here because I know what I'm doing? You know, it'd be safer. I don't have to worry about the money.” You know, you might be going from something that's a stable job with a contract where you want to go into a freelance option, which is scarier. And it's all of those, “What if I fail? This is overwhelming.” And then you end up staying, but you end up unhappy.

11:49    And the point that I make there is that we have this conflict, and he talks about this. It's this bit that defines the quarter life crisis is that we have a conflict between wanting to be ourselves, living true to ourselves and the instincts that we have versus what we think we should do, what society says we should do, what plays to the system well. He talks about this in terms of how people see like, but you're rewarded for when you do this. And I think it definitely comes down to our decisions in that whether we please ourselves or please others, whether we're going to what people would approve of or not. I think that's where the crisis comes in, that there's that conflict of what we should do. And I'm sure that applies at midlife as well but for quarter life, it's often to do with what others will think of us. Anyone, even if they don't matter that much in our lives, and what we really internally feel like we want to do. And there's a whole generational difference of things like this as well. I think millennials and Gen Z coming up are very attuned to what they want to do. I'm not playing by the systems that they feel have been in place, and are being continued by boomers who aren't necessarily adapting per se. Some are, give them credit, but others aren't. Others are very much like, “No, you're going to stay. You're just going to work your way through and tick these boxes and do it.” And that's not going to work for all of us. So, that's that element.

13:00    The other thing that I think is important to extract from that webinar is just the status and hit the you know, it's reiterated through different people that have done studies on it, but I’m going to stick with that one source there. And it's that when he conducted a survey of people and asked them if they felt that they were experiencing a crisis at this moment in time, for the age group that I'd be talking to here, so these are the 20s and 30s, just under 60% said, “Yes, they were” or “Maybe”. Now, if that was at one singular point a couple of years ago before the pandemic, then that's a majority of those people in that age category without the pandemic added on, but just at that one moment in time. Now, two years later, if we run it again, and we got to 60% again, some of those 60% might be the same people, and others of them would be new people. And that makes me wonder then that if at some point between, let's say, between 25 and 35, chances are, you're going to go through this experience. If 60% at one given moment were going through it in that age group, you aren't the only one experiencing this. It's just that we don't necessarily talk about it, the Instagram doesn't allow for that. You've got to be seen to have it all worked out.

14:05    You are not alone in the experience. This is something that a majority of us go through. On the other side of things is finding yourself. But at the time, it just feels completely overwhelming and like it's never going to end. But both the research and from my experience, it has an end. And it can be a really positive end, as well. If you listen to yourself, and really stay in tune with what you want to do. And that's part of the key of this is working out what it is that you want to do and what you want to make happen. Now, that might feel really overwhelming because it's all of those things holding you back. I've already mentioned three of them. But you've got to work that out. And you've got to work through each step of that. The more people I talk to, the more people that I share this information with, the more I talk about it on my social media, the more people that reach out and say, “I think I'm going through this.”

15:00    Now, you don't have to label it as the quarter life crisis. I personally feel that by calling it something we feel like it actually has a standing, that it is a real thing that's occurring. I’m not saying it’s a medical term. It's just something that we can categorize, and therefore have a common terminology around and can identify it as that. And by doing that, it means that people have key words to look out, they have language to talk about it for, and then we suddenly don't feel like we are the only ones. And if you ask friends about it, “Was there a time when you felt that you didn't know what you're doing and you've worked it out?” I'm pretty sure there will be. Ask them. Find out.

15:36    Now, one of the first things that I mentioned that was stopping me was the investment of time. Ten years of investment, absolutely. Oh my, who wants to waste 10 years? But in the same light, we don't want to waste any more time. If we're suddenly realising that the things we have around us aren't what we want, whether we have things or we don't have things, then we've got to take action. Action is the key here. Because if you're roughly 25, or even if you're 35, you've potentially got four or five more 10-year rounds to get through. And if you're feeling that your peak is not where you want to stay, or that you can't get on the peak that you're after, then you have got to work out what you're going to do in the next 10 years.

16:16    It was my 28th birthday recently, and someone messaged me and said, “Oh, do you remember 10 years ago we had your Disney birthday party?” And I was like, “Oh my God, yes we did.” And I was reflecting that day therefore on what I'd managed to do in 10 years. And I want you to think about what you've done in the last 10 years. If you're currently in this kind of time of crisis or just not knowing what you're going to do. Where have you lived in those 10 years, including temporary accommodations, such as uni, or otherwise? Where have you worked or studied in those 10 years? What places have you traveled to, visited, been to, including weekends to see friends in different parts of this country, not just abroad? What job titles have you had? What friends have stayed? What friends have gone? What friends have been and gone in that time and which friends are new friends? There's so much, and we haven't even got down to the you know, past surface level there, you know. You can think about what did you do every birthday? What were the key experiences that you remember from each year? So much goes on in 10 years. But if you've got four or five more cycles, you can definitely start climbing another mountain. Because yes, you're going to have to get down off of this one, but this mountain and all that you've learned is going to be useful for climbing other mountains. Each mountain might take you another 10 years because you've already done the tick box of getting certain qualifications, and yet, you might have to go back and get another qualification. It's not going to be a problem. But the longer you leave it, the less 10 year cycles that you have to redo it again. Now, one thing to mention here is that you have to be really clear on which mountain, if you're treating it as kind of different mountains for each category of your life that you're going to make a change in. So whilst I changed only one in the scenario, half of which was my relationship at the time, it had impact on my living arrangements, but my job was still in place. So, I had a few things to sort out beyond that. But apart from that, that was that. You need to make sure that you're just focusing in on one area of change, whether that does have impact otherwise, because otherwise you're going to feel even more overwhelmed. And you need to work out what you think you want.

18:28    Now, if you're unsure, then you have to kind of test the waters a little bit, but you can't fully test the waters in some scenarios. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. And the way to consider that is, and this is all to do with like, “Do I make the right choice or not?” is reflecting on: Would you in 10 years’ time, if you're still in the same scenario you are now in that area, would you regret it? Because we don't want to have that thought. We don't want to have that outcome of regret at the end. Regret is one of those worst feelings and we often regret things that we don't do, not the things that we did. Because ultimately, you're the only person that knows what's best for you. You're the only person that knows how you feel about staying in a particular scenario or leaving a particular scenario. And just because something is hard or difficult doesn't mean that it's not the right thing for you. It can feel like it's the right decision even though you're like, “Oh, but I've got to do all of these things.” That's life and that's learning and that's growth.

19:25    Now, one way to evaluate how you start off is to look at the different areas of your life. So we've touched on relationships, careers, relationships. We can also look at family, friendship, money, more specifically than just career, spirituality, and any other kind of factors that you think considered in your life. And what you want to do, on a scale of one to 10, is write where you are now on those things. So, maybe you're a six for friendships, a seven for job, maybe a four for relationship, whether you're in one or not. And you do that for each of those things, and then you compare it to where you'd like to be in life. Now obviously, the long-term goal of that is 10s, if you believe 10s are even achievable. But you might say that you want friendships at eight, work at 10, and relationship at five. Now, the difference in those numbers could be important to you. Might be like, “Well, that's got the biggest gap. I want to make the most improvements.” Or you might go, “Oh, this one's only got a gap of one. I feel like I could work on that and it wouldn't take much to change it.” The way to get through this period of time is to start taking action. And depending on how confident you are in those areas, and depending what you want, and depending on how clear it is of what you want, then you can decide whether you want to do the big jumps first and deal with a little later or if you want to build your confidence to start with the smaller things that get things ticked off. And then, that builds you up to then tackle the bigger things and to know how to break it down into steps.

20:49    And when you're considering that, you have to really think about what you want in life. Where are you now? What does that look like? And where do you want to be and what does that look like? And you could put a time limit on it and say a year's time, because everything takes time. Some things are instant. So leaving my marriage was an instant turnaround. It ended that and there was things to work out. Don't get me wrong. Then, I had a whole working out of what I wanted it to be in the future, and I actually had no idea by it like not being anything at that time. But there's no reason that you have to have a nine to five job. There is no reason that you must be married by 25 or 30. In fact, there's no reason that you must have children by a particular age. Some people might argue with me, body clock. That depends on the standard that you put on because there is technology now that facilitates having children later, whether you agree or not with that, or adopting children so that you have it in a different way. There are lots of different ways around things nowadays that mean that yes, a biological clock does have some influence and impact on when you might think about doing things in a particular way, but if you're set on that particular way then you're being driven by that. But if you're actually focused on the outcome goal, then actually there's many other options.

22:04    The reason that you believe that you want to have to do these things is because you grew up thinking that's what you had to do. You went to school, and your friends and family said the same things. Your teachers did too. Even the films told you that you're going to find a prince. It's not your fault that you now feel like having followed that, you don't know what the hell you're doing with your life. Even if it feels like or people are saying to you, “But you've got everything. Why would you not be happy with these things?” It’s completely and utterly okay because we followed the system, but it's not the right one for us. And life is not about following the same system for all of us, it's about finding the right system for us. And if you take anything away from this today, is that the reasons why it's okay is because there isn't the same path, that so many of us go through this phase, and some of us decide to sound the same path and some of us don't, and that actually there is another side to it.

22:58    I'm two years out of this. I would say I've been pretty solid for the last six to nine months of this. So, mine roughly I would say lasted a year to 15 months or so. I don't know when exactly it started, and the research also says that there is an end. This is temporary. This doesn't continue on forever. And the most people actually have a really beneficial outcome to it so long as they take action that their resilience kind of develops to scenarios, and you've learned a lot about yourself. I can't tell you how much more clear and intentional I am with my life. And I don't always go with what people think that you should want. Yes, I have since bought my own house because I truly reflected on what I wanted. But initially, I was like, “I must have a two-bed house.” And the reason wasn’t to be able to have a dog. The reason I wanted a two-bed house though was because I thought I had too much stuff. And then, during my experiences of like trying things out and just going out and living on my own, which I think is an important point to make here about single life, I went on a trip alone to a shepherd's hut. It was the most wonderful thing. But living in that shepherd's hut, I realised how much space I didn't need. It was small. The bed was at the end. It had a little bit behind the headboard with a wardrobe in it. The table folded out TV was in the corner, drawers under the bed. The storage was, you know, some shelves around the kitchen. There was storage underneath it, like everything was out to be seen. It was very compact. And just by spending, I think it was four days, three nights, maybe something like that in there, I realised. I came back that day and realised that I didn't need a two-bed house anymore. And would you believe what fell into my inbox on Rightmove, which I hadn't looked at for over six months, was a one-bedroom house that I now currently sit in recording this podcast. Because in that time, I let go of something that I thought I must have. And that is a very small version of what this scenario is, which is letting go of what you think you must have. And it's okay to feel this way, but you've got to take the steps to work out what you want to do to be able to take action.

24:54    So, the things you need to do are consider what you have done in the last 10 years and if you want to keep doing that and working on that for the next 10 years. You then need to evaluate the areas in your life and where you're at using the one to 10 scale, and then decide on a particular area, a different mountain to climb. Whether it means shift in the direction on the mountain and it somehow connects to another mountain or if it's a complete come down to the bottom, start again. And then you need to take action, whether you start small, build yourself up or if you take quite a big leap of faith. Now, obviously, I can't say what the outcome’s going to be. Your life is your life. But ultimately, you should be considering what it is that you want to do and where you want your life to be going. You know, and if you need help, if you feel that you need medical help, you should be seeking out therapy. If you think there's things to undo or if your mental health is in question here. We can go through periods where we feel anxious or feel depressed, but there's another level too if we are anxious or if we are depressed, and there's a very clear distinction. So, do make sure that you're seeking that out if you need that medical support and help and therapy in that sense.

26:02    But ultimately, if you're just going through this phase where you're not really sure what you're doing, you need to work it out. And sometimes we try and do it all on our own when actually, if everybody's going through it or has gone through it or is likely to, chances are that if you can brave talking to someone about it, then you're going to help yourself out. You'll probably find the reassurance that you need that you're not the only one because some will go, “Oh yes, I felt like that” or “My friend had that” or “My brother. Yes, he was really confused about that.” And you’re suddenly like, “Oh God, did they go through that? I never can tell from their Instagram.” Because will we put all the bad stuff on there too? Obviously not. Well, the testing part. And you also work out who's there for you.

26:39    When you decide on decision to change, much like I did for my undergraduate to postgraduate, I was very confident of what I was doing, and it didn't occur to me one bit what anybody said. I thought there was going to be much more approval for it. It wasn't bad. But there were some, “It's not going to be like when you went to school” and “Oh, I really liked it when you used to work there.” There were some comments like that which is not a problem, I just hadn't anticipated them. But you are going to get people's personal thoughts, relationships, experiences of what you were doing, even though it wasn't their life, but they still had opinions or you know, and what they thought of it. And within that, you find who is there to support you no matter what. Who's the person that goes, “Oh, what made you go into that?”, “Oh cool, that sounds wicked.”, “Oh, I wish I could be as bold as you to change this or to do that or to think to do that.” You want to find those people not to treat it as a test, but it almost becomes a little test of who your supporters no matter what you tell them that you're about to do. Because ultimately, if you're not the only person doing it, maybe they'll need you to be there to be the person to talk to, or you've gone through it yourself.

27:41    So hopefully, from this, you've taken that you're going to be looking around the world in a different way, in that there was a path that we were mostly all introduced to and it was maybe being reinforced a number of times through the different systems you've been in, but it's maybe not something that you want to continue. And maybe it would be useful for you to support those different people that have done it, whether you know them personally or you see it online. But know that from that study, there were other people going through it. At any given time, it was a majority in that study, that research that was taken out, and that a lot of us feel this way. We just might not be seeing it online. You used to be in school and you used to do things all at the same time as your peers. No longer is that the case. You are however old you are now, and from the minute that you left your educational institution, you had the possibility of moving faster or slower and in a completely different direction to everybody else. And you've got to continue to stay and decide on that direction for you, not for the people around you, not for what other people will say, not to keep yourself safe because it's the only thing you know. Work out what you want to do and where you want to see yourself in the next 10 years’ time. And then, you'll start to realise that you don't know quite what you're doing in your life now, but you can start to take charge. You will eventually find something and there is another side to get to.

29:10    So, make sure you reflect. Take the time, and if you're feeling that you don't know what's going on, remember that you're not the only one. It's okay to feel this way. There is an end, and you need to decide on an action to take in one particular area of your life. I would love to hear what little areas you've decided to work on or if you just have gone, “Oh my God, I've had that experience.” And so, feel free to head on over to Instagram to share those sorts with me @chantellethecoach. Give us a review on Apple podcast if you're listening there. If not, hit subscribe and follow to keep up to date with your weekly dose of single girl listening and to make sure you get notified about the next episode. Until next time, keep thriving.