89 - Understanding and Overcoming Emotional Eating: A Journey Towards a Healthier Relationship with Food

Imagine, feeling at ease with food and no longer finding it a go-to comfort when emotions run high. That's the journey we're embarking on today, as we break down the often misunderstood concept of emotional eating. No judgment here, only compassion and understanding as we unravel and empathize with the multitude of ways emotional eating manifests, from the pure joy of sensory gratification to the darker side of using food as punishment. 

This enlightening episode promises to shake up your perception of emotional eating. Let's embrace the normalcy of using food as a coping mechanism while simultaneously discovering a unique toolbox of alternative strategies. The transformative power of this shift in perspective is incredible, opening up a path towards a healthier, more harmonious relationship with food and our bodies. Remember to grab the emotional eating continuum from the show notes to follow along. Prepare for an empowering journey, where we'll be dismantling diet culture's fear-based narrative around emotional eating, one bite at a time.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:51

Hey friend, welcome back to the show. One of the biggest struggles I hear when it comes to emotional eating is how do I not eat my feelings? In this episode, I'm talking with you about emotional eating and coping with your emotions without using food. I fully believe you can use food to cope, and when it's your only source of coping can lead to more misery. You wouldn't try to build a house with only a saw, would you? I'm going to share with you the continuum for emotional eating, from sensory gratification to using food as punishment, and I'll share my solution for compassion and understanding and what this means for you. We'll also discuss how emotions aren't good or bad, and I'll help you find other ways you can cope with uncomfortable emotions that don't involve food. This is one of my favorite things to talk about, so let's dive right in. If you follow me on social media or have listened to this show for a while, you know how I feel about emotional eating. If this is your first time or one of your earlier episodes since finding me, you may be in for a shock. I don't think emotional eating is the big, hairy, scary monster waiting to attack. That's what diet culture has taught us and what it wants you to believe. Also, you won't see what diet culture really is the big bad wolf hiding in sweet old granny's bed with her hat and spectacles on. Emotional eating is something we have all done since birth, and when we fight it we are fighting against human nature, which means we will fail. Biology always wins, friend. So here's your fairy godmother telling you it's okay that you emotionally eat. It's a very effective coping tool and I don't want to take that away from you. Instead, let's look at how else you can cope with uncomfortable emotions. So you aren't always turning to food to feel better. But before we do that, let's talk more about why we turn to food to cope. Like I just said, we use it because it works Almost instantly. Feeling emotions such as boredom. Grab the bag of chips and you've got something to occupy your time. Feeling guilty for something you said, grab a donut and instant punishment.

Speaker 1: 3:08

Emotional eating lies on a continuum. If you're visual like I am, I've created this continuum and put a link in the show notes for you to download and follow along. On one end we have sensory gratification and on the other end we have numbing and punishment. Looking at all the points along the continuum, there's sensory gratification, comfort, distraction, sedation and punishment. We'll go over each of these and you can decide if you've engaged in this form of emotional eating at some point in your life. Remember to do this with curiosity rather than judgment. We've all engaged in emotional eating and there is no shame or blame here, and I hope you can start to let go of some of the guilt and shame you might be experiencing. This exercise is done to give you an idea of when you've engaged in emotional eating so that you can bring these to mind later as you think of other ways to cope.

Speaker 1: 4:03

On the far left of the continuum is sensory gratification. This comes from eating something pleasurable and fully enjoying it. When I sit down with friends to enjoy some cheesecake and we all take time to let the bites dissolve in our mouths, savoring each of the flavors, we are at this point on the spectrum. Sensory gratification also takes place on a cold day, when you drink a hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate, or on a hot summer day when you enjoy an ice cold glass of lemonade or an ice cream cone. Just to the right is comfort. Think of eating chicken noodle soup when you aren't feeling well, or when I prepare grilled cheese and tomato soup for Christmas, because that's what my mom always made. These are comfort foods and there's no shame in comfort eating.

Speaker 1: 4:54

Distraction comes next on the continuum of emotional eating. Food can be a great tool for distracting us from thoughts and feelings we want to avoid. Unfortunately, it also blocks our availability to detect intuitive signals, things like hunger and fullness cues and, ultimately, our emotions and needs. There's nothing wrong with wanting to distract yourself here and there, and it becomes problematic when we refuse to acknowledge what's going on within us. Learning other tools to manage your thoughts, emotions and honoring your needs allows us to distract less.

Speaker 1: 5:29

Moving along the continuum is sedation. This is distraction on steroids. When we are using food to numb out. Several clients have referred to this as a food coma or a food hangover. Like distraction, sedation keeps you from experiencing and honoring what your body and mind need. When we sedate with food, we also lose the pleasure that food can provide. Again, eating to numb out occasionally has little effect. Unfortunately, this can become a slippery slope and can quickly turn into a habit before you know it.

Speaker 1: 6:05

Last on the continuum is using food as punishment. This could be the actual act of eating to punish yourself, such as eating large amounts of food, eating in a very angry or forceful manner or in the act of beating yourself up later for having eaten so much. There is no pleasure in using food to punish yourself. We all fall on this continuum while eating and if you notice not liking where you fall, I have an answer for you. And no, it's not. Have more willpower or just stop doing that, because neither of those is helpful and will add more shame to your eating. I definitely don't want that. I'm trying to help you heal from that. My solution is understanding and compassion. Whether it's from listening to this podcast, reading books or working directly with me, I hope you start to see how you are not 100% to blame for your relationship with food in your body. Oftentimes we learn how to relate to these by watching our parents and those around us. My hope is that you will develop more compassion towards yourself rather than blame or self-pity Self-compassion to say I know I did my best. I learned food was an easy and effective way to deal with uncomfortable emotions and now that I know there are other options, I can start using them To help you go further in your awareness. Let's look at some of the feelings you might be trying to manage with food.

Speaker 1: 7:32

In my experience, the number one reason people eat when they aren't hungry is because of boredom. Food is an easy way to feel time because of the time involved with preparing the food. Even if you're grabbing a bag of chips, the act of eating can break up the monotony of the day. Whether it's the weekend and you have no plans, or you're working on a project, food is an easy and effective way to deal with boredom. In fact, as I'm working on this episode, I've noticed I've paused to take a break to grab a snack several times, not to mention how many times I have checked Facebook and TikTok. Have you ever found yourself reaching for a snack to fight off boredom? Don't worry, you're not alone.

Speaker 1: 8:17

Let's move on to excitement. This could be related to boredom, as eating can add excitement to your life, but it also can stand alone. Planning a meal can bring a lot of excitement as you go through what to prepare, who to invite and how to serve the food. This can also happen when we start another diet. I remember the hope and excitement I'd feel when I chose the next program or diet to try, hoping this would be the one that finally worked, envisioning myself in the future looking and feeling the way I wanted, and we all know how that turns out Feeling like a failure. So the excitement was very short-lived.

Speaker 1: 8:56

Another reason people use food is as a bribe or a reward. Do you remember Pizza Hut Bookit Program? This might be the reason I simultaneously love reading and pizza, but not together. When I was in grade school, we were rewarded with pizza when we read Read so many books or for so many minutes, and we earned a star to put on our bookit badge. When the badge was filled with stars, you could redeem it for a personal pan pizza. You might notice, as a parent, whether it's something that you've personally done or something you've witnessed other parents doing Bribing children with treats. If you be a good girl, we'll get ice cream when we're done. There are so many things I have against this, so much so maybe I should do another episode on it, but for now, let's talk about using food to cope with uncomfortable feelings.

Speaker 1: 9:53

What do I mean by uncomfortable feelings? Some people view emotions as positive or negative, good or bad, and I don't agree with this. Emotion has no moral value. They aren't good or bad. Emotions are messages from your body and it's your perspective that gives it that good or bad, positive or negative qualification. I view emotions as neutral. They just are. Some are more comfortable to experience and some are uncomfortable to experience, and that's probably different for each of us to some degree. If we think of emotions as messages from the body and being neutral, that also means we don't have to manage our emotions. That means we don't have to necessarily probably in the traditional thought cope with emotions.

Speaker 1: 10:51

What I'm proposing is that, instead of trying to manage, we experience Experience these emotions, because they're just trying to tell us something and when we experience them fully, truly experience it, it only lasts about 90 seconds. It's when we keep pushing things away and refusing to deal with them, refusing to experience them, refusing to listen to what they're trying to tell us, that they keep sticking around. When you feel emotions such as frustration, anger, stress and depression, these may be more uncomfortable for you. Did you know that you are more likely to choose a food that packs a crunch when you're frustrated or angry? It's true, the physical act of biting and crunching can be very aggressive and a way to help you release those feelings. Stress can also lead to reaching for food to cope. Stress and anxiety often produce adrenaline, so that you have plenty of energy to deal with the real or imagined threat. This causes blood sugar to elevate and digestion to slow. Chronic stress also raises cortisol levels.

Speaker 1: 12:05

Eating helps engage the parasympathetic nervous system. This is the system that helps you relax, so it's no wonder we turn to food when feelings stressed. We're looking for a quick way to relax, and food does the job. You may be experiencing low mood or depression. It's something we all go through from time to time, and at the time of this recording, there are a lot of things going on in the world that could have you feeling down. Turning to food helps us avoid those feelings, or to numb to numb out if we don't want to address it. Food also helps to soothe us and provides pleasure. So while the outside world falls apart, I can be happy at home eating cheesecake. Did any of these specific feelings seem like something you use food to cope with? There are so many other feelings that we can use food for, but for the sake of time, we're not going to get into all of them.

Speaker 1: 12:59

Now that you have an idea of what emotions you're looking to cope with, looking to experience, let's look at how to cope with emotional eating. First, I don't think this is something we need to cope with, but that's how people view it. So let's just go that route. Ask yourself if you're physically hungry and, if so, honor your hunger and eat. Sometimes, when we are feeling very emotional, it's because we're hungry and we haven't properly nourished our body. If you're not hungry, ask yourself what am I feeling? For some, this may be more difficult, as you've been avoiding feeling or thinking about feeling. That's totally okay, you're here now.

Speaker 1: 13:48

Just start, small, by noticing what you feel in your body. Name those sensations. Then ask yourself which of the five categories of emotions are you feeling Happy, sad and emotional, fear, anger or disgust? Then ask yourself what do I need? If you decide you really need to eat, then eat. But if you figure out you need rest, go take a nap or lay down quietly. When you tune into what your mind and body really need, you can find other ways to meet your needs, without always using food. By acknowledging and feeling your emotions, you are in a better position to deal with them.

Speaker 1: 14:28

Here are some of my favorite ways to experience my emotions Self-coaching, journaling, time with friends and family, allowing myself to cry, breathing, meditating and walking with emerus, which, if you don't know, is my therapy dog. Another great benefit of feeling the feels, as the kids say these days, is you have less of a need for distractions. While you're working on this, I encourage you to find other ways to distract yourself other than food. It's also helpful to have some go-to activities, because sitting with your feelings 24-7 is exhausting. Some of my favorite ways to distract are reading or listening to a book, getting transported to a different world or in somebody else's life, going for a walk, gardening, writing or journaling, watching a movie or show, doing my nails and, as always, listening to music.

Speaker 1: 15:30

Remember that magical shift that happens once you've made peace with food. It becomes less alluring, and adding new ways of coping increases this, and you may find yourself turning to food less and less. Know that using food to cope will probably be something you do the rest of your life, and that's completely normal and okay, and when you know how to use that to your advantage, it can be a beautiful thing. These days, I thoroughly enjoy my coping sessions with food because I know I deserve to feel good, and so do you, friend. Your relationship with food and your body will become more pleasant and enjoyable as you begin to bring them into your life in a non-threatening way. You are unique, so your coping toolbox will be unique. What works for me may not work for you. I mentioned earlier that you wouldn't try to build a house with only a saw, and it's helpful to have a range of items in your coping toolbox. That means learning about different tools, trying them out and deciding if you want to keep them around or toss them out.