What If It Did Work?
Conversations That Empower with Ben Keech
Ever wondered how shifting gender dynamics are shaping our society? Join us as we sit down with Ben Keech, a former public school teacher and coach, to unravel the complexities of modern masculinity and the need for authentic connections. Ben brings to light the historical shifts that have blurred traditional gender lines and shares personal anecdotes that reveal the challenges and misconceptions surrounding masculinity. Discover how leading with love, care, and conviction can redefine what it means to be a man in today's world.
Genuine conversations are at the heart of meaningful relationships, especially between adults and teenagers. Ben's experiences highlight the profound impact of adults who engage beyond surface-level questions, showing how such interactions can leave lasting positive effects. Reflecting on his teaching career, Ben emphasizes the gap between the idealized portrayals of educators and the real-world challenges they face, underscoring the importance of heartfelt communication in fostering strong, lasting bonds.
Leaving a 14-year teaching career was no easy decision for Ben, but it paved the way for new ventures like his lawn business and the "More Than Athletes" initiative. Listen as he shares his journey, from the influence of family dynamics on his career choices to the importance of balancing youth sports with family values. Celebrate with us the one-year anniversary of his podcast, where he continues to promote positivity and meaningful change through genuine connections and understanding inherent gender differences.
Join the What if it Did Work movement on Facebook
Get the Book!
www.omarmedrano.com
www.calendly.com/omarmedrano/15min
Ever wondered how shifting gender dynamics are shaping our society? Join us as we sit down with Ben Keech, a former public school teacher and coach, to unravel the complexities of modern masculinity and the need for authentic connections. Ben brings to light the historical shifts that have blurred traditional gender lines and shares personal anecdotes that reveal the challenges and misconceptions surrounding masculinity. Discover how leading with love, care, and conviction can redefine what it means to be a man in today's world.
Genuine conversations are at the heart of meaningful relationships, especially between adults and teenagers. Ben's experiences highlight the profound impact of adults who engage beyond surface-level questions, showing how such interactions can leave lasting positive effects. Reflecting on his teaching career, Ben emphasizes the gap between the idealized portrayals of educators and the real-world challenges they face, underscoring the importance of heartfelt communication in fostering strong, lasting bonds.
Leaving a 14-year teaching career was no easy decision for Ben, but it paved the way for new ventures like his lawn business and the "More Than Athletes" initiative. Listen as he shares his journey, from the influence of family dynamics on his career choices to the importance of balancing youth sports with family values. Celebrate with us the one-year anniversary of his podcast, where he continues to promote positivity and meaningful change through genuine connections and understanding inherent gender differences.
Join the What if it Did Work movement on Facebook
Get the Book!
www.omarmedrano.com
www.calendly.com/omarmedrano/15min
I never told no one that my whole life I've been holding back. Every time I load my gun up so I can shoot for the star, I hear a voice like who do you?
Speaker 2:think you are all right. Everybody. Another day, another dollar. One of the my favorite podcasts and my favorite episodes because I'm biased, it's my own podcast. What if it did work? This is going to be an amazing guest. This is going to be an amazing talk. Man, I can already feel it. Ben keach ben, former public school teacher and coach, spent 14 years inspiring and educating students. He then Than Athletes, an organization that bridges the gap between inner city and suburban kids through emotional intelligence, basketball and faith. He now hosts the Ben Keats Show, a podcast that empowers parents, couples and youth to overcome their personal conflicts by reflecting on their past choices and developing a positive outlook on their future. With his extensive experience and passion, he has helped thousands of people resolve their issues and create meaningful relationships with their loved ones. Ben is on a mission to help one million men discover and live confidently within their masculine nature in 2030.
Speaker 2:Confidently within their masculine nature in 2030.
Speaker 3:Masculine nature man, you're triggering a lot of people man, I know, I just threw that word out there, didn't I?
Speaker 2:holy smokes man. I I thought I was living into the 90s man. I'm watching documentaries like on on woodstock and documentaries of my heyday in the 90s and and you know the toxic masculinity. What's that all about? Right?
Speaker 3:yeah, I know I, masculinity in and of itself isn't toxic, just certain behaviors are toxic. I don't even like to couple those two words together because I think it it becomes an easy scapegoat for people to, to, to get away from.
Speaker 2:What we actually really need in our society is masculine men I think that's one of the things that's wrong with and there's no right or wrong, I get it, but I'm old school is that we're blurring the lines, man, we, we want, we want everything to be blended. We don't want feminine energy, we don't want masculine energy, we want, like, no labels. And that never worked why? You know it's always been. You know, masculine energy and feminine energy. Where did we go wrong with this one?
Speaker 3:Well, we went wrong.
Speaker 3:The kind of the neutering of our genders of recent didn't just happen overnight. We had men at times, during the sexual revolution of the 70s, kind of leave their responsibilities and women feeling stuck in a place of having to do a lot on their own, and we had a shift and where if women want to be successful, they have to stay in control. Well, in a healthy relationship, you know, I believe men lead and not in a way it's such a scary thing to say in 2024 because of the positive and negative connotations that can have. But you know, ultimately we need men to lead in a way of and the way they love, the way they listen, the way they care for their love for their loved one, and that's, that's what masculinity is.
Speaker 3:And how big your muscles are, how many times you work out at the gym or if you look at topless. Masculinity is how you protect, how you um, how you guide and those. That polarity is important and understanding and at least, even if you have an issue with that because of your past, just delving into the knowledge of it. I think is is really important for all couples, honestly well, also, people think that I don't want to label.
Speaker 2:But there's people out there that think masculine energy is jersey shore, or you know the alpha male, sure, right, you know just this caricature of you know the guy from Gold's Gym that wants to rule by being bigger and meaner and telling people how it is.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, and there's a lot of. You know what it looks like. I think is an extremely healthy definition. Like, I think is an extremely healthy definition. Women and I say women in terms of encompassing all women, and their nature is they want to be cared for, protected, but when it happens wrongly or it doesn't happen at all, they need a plan B, and sometimes that plan B takes them away from their nature and and and or, or they hamper a man's nature, and so what we do is we have and it does.
Speaker 3:What I'm saying isn't that women can't or don't lead, they, they, they shouldn't, they do, but in the context of a relationship, this, this dynamic of what a man needs, what a woman needs, how that looks. I mean, I've talked to literally thousands of men and women about this and I have yet to find a female or a male that somehow, in their nature, men want to be respected and looked up to and they want to be a protector and they want to do these things. But they also want to be a good guy. They want to be a nice guy and they want to be compliant and they want to be a good guy. They want to be a nice guy and they want to be compliant, and they want to.
Speaker 3:Women don't want a compliant man. Women want a man with convictions, who is willing to lead, not not. They don't want somebody that's going to control them they're not looking for something ridiculous in that nature but they want a man who is fearless for what he believes. They want to know where you stand and uh, and it's yeah and uh, this is. I mean. It's time and time again in conversations I have with people all across the country about this, I see this dynamic no, I, I get it completely.
Speaker 2:Uh, and I feel when one has to take on the other role or both roles, it makes a person miserable. My mom, single parent, right In the 70s, no doubt, you know, when it wasn't popular Right, and she had to be, you know, mom and dad to me, right mom and to me and when, when people always ask me you know why is my mom, you know, such a hard ass? Or why was my mom bitter? It's like, well, to me you said it best she had to physically and forcefully and emotionally do things that she really wasn't built to do and that was to take on a man's role.
Speaker 3:I went out to eat with a mom, a single mom and her three kids about a week ago and she, she and her, one of her sons expressed as literally the best out of in public kind of thing they've ever had, and all I did was kind of she could take one to the bathroom. While she sat, I entertained one or two of the kids, we could have some conversations with ourselves, but she, for once, didn't have to be on and I think that's the the, the role of a single mom is they're always on, they, they on. And single dads too, they don't get that and that's what they want. What many single women want and would like is just that person to kind of offset and help lead and guide.
Speaker 3:I don't think the epidemic is with men. I think the problem perhaps this is just me kind of guessing a little bit the problem started with an inability to lead, women then seeing the downfall of that, having them to pick up the slack, and then, in future relationships, women not knowing how to let men lead. It's it's a cycle and um, yeah, I, I, I love that. We kind of just jumped right into it.
Speaker 2:I mean, you're very unique. You are one, you want men to be masculine, which is, like you know, taboo these days, right and two, you're a specialist on just creating authentic connections, and you know what. That's something that we have.
Speaker 3:society none of us can connect yeah, it's sad, right it is, and and I I don't like to quickly jump to blame social media, so I won't, because I think there's other things we can look at oh man, we, we were so shallow before social media dude, that that would be.
Speaker 2:That would be a fucking pop out, just say hey it sucks. Well before that, you know, the world was great and we could all connect. We could connect with the girl, we could connect with our friends. Nothing was superficial, none of the shallow stuff. We were all connected, man, until that bastard Zuckerberg brought baseball Right, right and incorrect.
Speaker 3:I agree. I 100% agree with you. No-transcript at school. What's going on? It starts with adults. It's not because the teenager has their phone in the hand. It's because you're unwilling to delve into their world and just ask questions. Everybody wants to kind of talk about themselves. You have to. You have to care. You have to. You have to be willing to spend the time that it takes to say a little more than how are you doing?
Speaker 2:yeah, but that's we. We just want to feel space like like that, that space, that free. You know, we, we don't want to go past comfort, we it's scary ben, you're you're telling me that because you know to go out of my comfort zone and talk to like a teenager and right. And then if I did go the extra mile and I really wanted to know how he was doing, how about if he actually answers me, then what?
Speaker 3:Well, if he doesn't answer you and he may not answer you with anything spectacular that you'd ever want to throw on a podcast your first question or two, because there's a skepticism there and there's sometimes an inability to communicate like an adult because they're not, and so I think it's all about the follow-up one, follow-up, two question. It's like like your kid comes home from school, what do you do at school? Nothing, okay, have a nice day, go play Fortnite, like there. There's well, no, no, who did he sit with at lunch or there? There has to be questions that you continue to ask, and here's the reason why this is important.
Speaker 3:The reason why this is important is when adult I'm just talking about family members, but this is anything, and I've done this as a teacher and as a coach of thousands of kids when an adult takes a special interest in trying to get into their world and into their life, that kid does grow up and to become an adult.
Speaker 3:And they actually remember because it's far and few between sometimes the people that actually took the honest interest and intent into their life and the reverberations of that are they remember you, they have a fond connection of you and they may even want to continue and have an adult relationship later, because the bottom line, like you alluded to, is most people don't care, most people don't give the effort, and so it's not surprising that people are lonely I'd be looking at my phone too if that were the case and so I just believe that it's to the adults to engage and care. That's adult to kid, I mean. We're not even talking yet about just general connections and life as well, which are important too, which is, you know, what I talk about.
Speaker 2:Sometimes. So I mean we don't even have the tools because we were raised I mean my, my family, superficial. Man Right, my grandfather is going to be a hundred and man Right, my grandfather's going to be 100 in July.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And conversations and he's still very you know, he's like George Burns when it comes to playing and all that.
Speaker 2:Just like you know, did you watch the Yankee game? How are things? Did you watch that LSU football? I graduated from LSU, so it's good. We've never had that conversation, even as adults. I'm 50 and there was never. You know, are you upset or and it's I feel like you know, just reading the topic of connection, yeah, I mean a lot of us and I've, I've told plenty of people that you know it's, it's so easy to be superficial, it's right and it's like the. You know superficial, it's right and it's like the. You know the proverbial you're, you're just supposed to say fine on everything. Hey, what's up, How's it going? Oh, I'm fine and you know, that's it.
Speaker 2:Right, I don't, I don't even. I think the other person, who's also usually superficial, surface level, would be like mind blown. If somebody is like you know, past couple of days I've just been depressed. I'm not really feeling it, yeah right.
Speaker 3:Well, I think there's two. I think there's there's two spheres here. I think that when you're talking about how you feel, the problems you're going through and all those things, I think that that element is hopefully reserved to people that you, you trust, or there's already something built, oh for sure you know. And then, but I, I guess I look at like, say, even your, your, almost your, 99 year old grandfather, um, or just simply people we know, is just that you know, everybody has a story or a belief or an idea of something, and so if you look at your, if you look at yourself, you're an interviewer, you're interviewing me, we're having a conversation and you know, part of what we both do for our careers is we talk to people, strangers, people we know people, we care about, people, we want to get to, and we, you know, part of what we both do for our careers is we talk to people, strangers, people we know people, we care about people, we want to get to, and we invariably are connecting with people all over the country all the time in what we do for our jobs, and so people like to talk about themselves. What are you doing? And I just think that takes time and effort and that takes, and that's sometimes, things that people are unwilling to give, and that's okay.
Speaker 3:You know, if I turn it around and say, you know, you're a 50 year old, your grandma or your grandfather's almost a hundred, but then it's, it goes to who's younger than you, who's younger than me, who, who can we, you know, develop these, these, these type of patterns where, um, you know, people really truly care and connect, without trying to control, without trying to manipulate I mean, that can be the annoying thing about family is they always want to throw their two cents about everything. What you should be doing, you know, without all that, just genuinely getting to know human beings, um, I loved it. I love it like I, someday I'm going to write a book and it's going to be a hundred cities, a hundred people in a hundred days, and I'm going to just literally just travel the country and interview people and put it together in a book. That that's my plan and my goal someday. I haven't started it yet, but we'll see.
Speaker 2:Ben, I have to ask you this yes, evolved renaissance man, did you growing up was? Was this? Your family, like you guys, connected on on deep levels and you knew how to connect, so you were a great sales guy, or?
Speaker 3:I was talking to this uh girl about this actually just the other day and no, so my mom died when I was 16. So I'm unaware of the things that she passed down to me in this regard. I maybe some she did. My dad is much different than me A great man but we're very, very different in this regard and I don't know. I mean it wasn't. I can't say it was modeled, except for maybe that my mom did when I was younger, but I don't know. It's, it's when you have a kid only relationship with your mom. It's hard to conceptualize now, years later, how she impacted this part of me or not. It's, it's hard to know. I wish I knew. I'd love to have a conversation with her about this actually, but I'm not, I don't know. I would say I don't think so, Not that I can nail down, I guess.
Speaker 2:Mom and dad together when she died.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, my mom. They were married for they had five kids and about 17 years, and then, when my mom died, I was 16. My youngest sister was two, about 17 years, and then when my mom died, my I was 16, my youngest sister was two and we had a nanny come in to take care of like all these young kids. And then my dad married her and they've been married now for over 30 years. So he he's, he is uh, yeah, that that's his life and they're still happy and great. And she's 20 years younger than him, but you know, she's like close to my age, you know well hey, that's.
Speaker 2:That's probably why he's feeling he's feeling happy.
Speaker 3:I guess he figured.
Speaker 2:He figured it out, I don't know right but hey, you, you know what hollywood always seems to you know, you read all these stories mom was passed. But usually what happens is they want to hire the hot nanny right, and then you know, they don't know why things went sideways. Usually what happens is they want to hire the hot nanny Right, and then you know, they don't know why things went sideways Right.
Speaker 3:Well, thankfully that the nanny while she was young. She did come across after, but it was a very quick transition from my mom to her. But yeah, it's interesting for sure.
Speaker 2:That's. That's a topic for another conversation yeah, probably probably a good idea so okay, but high school you became a high school teacher yeah, yeah, I I still, I mean, I get it that.
Speaker 2:I mean shit. I wish I had teachers that didn't check me Me. Growing up, the schools I went to, a lot of the people became educators, Right, because the teachers were all checked out. They were like long gone. They're just there waiting for their pension to click, to kick in, waiting to get you know whatever, and you know it had that profound effect. So that's why I I couldn't see you as a teacher even, just even though you should be able to connect. But you know, I never had that experience of you. Know all those movies were know, stand and deliver, and the empowering through that just turned around everybody. Or you know Mr Holland's opus. I don't think there was any teacher out there that you know had had any effect on me that like that. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I teaching was definitely natural and I loved.
Speaker 3:Again, just really honestly, my biggest thing that I wanted to do in teaching is take what I know was going to happen to those kids after high school, say the 10 years after high school, and literally paint that picture so clearly that they need to think that what they're doing now is going to affect their 20s.
Speaker 3:So that was it was I taught American government, I taught law, but I was always mixing in the world, the way the world works with these kids, and you know these kids came from hardship situations sometimes single parents, no dad, all sorts of situations but they needed to do better and they needed to know what's going on and they needed to be equipped. I felt equipped in a lot of ways for my parents, all kids feel equipped. So I felt it was my job as a teacher. And then why I started, more Than Athletes, to equip kids to know how to tackle the world and and to be good and successful at it, and that's that's really been almost my life's mission in a lot of ways. Why I'm, you know, writing a book now, why I started a podcast, why I coach men, is is this, these are these have become my passions.
Speaker 2:So when you were a teacher you weren't hey, it's college, or you guys are all going to be under a bridge, smoking crack and some heck, no other things. You that you didn't give them that false sense, that like you know a lot of academia oh no, I know they're, they're very they, they love that whole world.
Speaker 3:But no, as a matter of fact, I actually started with relationships and then went to their future. So I, I basically um, I cared more about who they connected with and who they have, how they affected people and how they lived within the people in their world. That was first. Second was how are you going to provide within the people in their world? That was first. Second was how are you going to provide for the people you have not met yet that you will ultimately love more than anything on this planet being their kids, spouse, whatever? So there's people you haven't met that care about what you're doing right now as an 18 year old. And so I it was.
Speaker 3:It was always this kind of cat and mouse game of really focused not definitely not, I mean get training in something. I mean they may not want to cook French fries for the rest of their lives and maybe have some other aspirations, but it was more aligned to kind of the grittiness of life, the hard work you know, honest, just just being a good person. It was all about that. That was always a central theme. If college was a ticket, then go for it Sure, but yeah, that would be. That was my message.
Speaker 2:So you were more about connecting your connections with these students and you didn't look at them as that guy's an a student, that guy's a B you didn't look at them. I didn's an a student that guy's a b you didn't look at them.
Speaker 3:I didn't even care about that. Yeah, no, I mean, I definitely had a structured class where, you know, there was I I've, I've run into kids all the time like, yeah, mr keach, I, you know, I think I pretty much flunked and bombed your, your class. But you know, I hope you're mad at me, but it was still my favorite class ever. I'm like no dude, it's all good, I get it. Trust me, I was there with you one time. I don't take any of that stuff personal. I'm just glad that you were there and you got something out of it.
Speaker 2:Now, just that aspect. I'm sure you had such a positive effect that you're still in contact with former students all these years later, right?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, during teaching I started a lawn company here in Kansas City and I've had so many former students work for me throughout the 15 years I've run that company. But then, of course, facebook. I see people all the time. I was actually just the other day I had taken care of a duplex and the renter was there and he was outside smoking a cigarette and I was like you know, he didn't pay me to mow it, the landlord did, but anyway, I said something I'll go, hey, whatever. And and he's like is that you, mr keach? Because my voice is kind of a giveaway. He's like I didn't recognize you at first, but I recognize that voice anywhere. He just had a conversation. I have no idea who he was, but I see kids all the time, you know, and they tell me their stories of when they're in my class or whatever, and it's humbling and honoring and but, but, but it's good now, were you also the basketball coach for your high school um, I I've coached in the high school level.
Speaker 3:I coached softball, baseball and basketball at different times, but my kids were getting older about halfway through my high school teaching career, and so I ultimately decided to um coach my kids and do more stuff with their sports. And eventually I was a teacher only at the high school, but yeah, I had done that in my 14 years of teaching coach multiple sports.
Speaker 2:And what made you want to leave, besides the amazing pay and the amazing benefits of being a public school teacher?
Speaker 3:I know what was I, what was I thinking?
Speaker 2:Yeah, After 14 years. What was it that said it's fine for a change.
Speaker 3:Well, there's a couple of things I mean. The first part of it is that I started this lawn business in 2007 as a side gig and it just kept growing. I mean, I was getting close to 150 yards and it was just a lot and it was. It was I was making more money, obviously, doing that than I was teaching. I also had just begun starting more than athletes and that was growing. Like we ended up having, you know, 20, 30 teams playing year round for us and there was a lot of things I was doing with that.
Speaker 3:So it just became a decision that I couldn't do it all. What do I want to do? And also, you know the teaching world and I'll just be honest with your audience and this isn't meant to be offensive to anybody but the teaching world is dominated by these particular ideologies and it and you it's was not as bad in 2014 as it is now and I, I'm a very I'm not politically correct. I don't fit the the. You know, I, I, I, I don't fit the ideology and I'll say it's more of a liberal ideology and it's very dominant and I was always kind of against.
Speaker 3:I was an against the system teacher. So the kids love me regardless, Cause I was. I didn't care anybody's opinion, I didn't judge anybody, I didn't care your background, you know any of that stuff. But the but the head educators were fearful of me because I was not normal, I was not the typical teacher that they wanted, and so there was always just little skirmishes with me and administrators and I knew my rules, I knew what to do, but it was stressful at times just dealing with some of the things I had to deal with with them. But I you know. So it was time for a change. Ultimately, for a lot of those reasons.
Speaker 2:So it's not just now that you weren't a conformist. You were always somebody that you couldn't put in a box or fit into a box Always.
Speaker 3:And it's confusing because sometimes they could take, you know, somebody like me who happens to be conservative. Well, they want to say I'm A, b and C and I'm none of those things, but you, but you're a judgmental person. Actually, I'm not at all and so I, I'm just my own entity. Whatever that is right or wrong, whatever people like, it's okay. Um, but there there was a, there was a stress element with them at times, just just at the school I was at, and the way that it was run. And I couldn't even imagine 10 years later cause it's not gotten better, at least from an outside. Now I'm an outsider, at least from an outsider's perspective. You know freedom of speech and allowing multiple ideas and it just. It's just a different world now and I don't know, I don't know how I, I don't know if they like me as much today, but the kids would, because kids aren't like the adults.
Speaker 2:Kids, kids want to be challenged, you know, and so you'll be everybody's favorite teacher.
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, I, I, I, you know, and I, I would love to do it, but this is, you know, like I said, I'm like I said I'm 51. New journeys and new things I'm doing and you know, we'll see different audiences, but still the same thing.
Speaker 2:You know, these things I think are really important for people and, ben, I said it in my I mean I, social media stalked it, but the audience doesn't know, and we've spoken about it what is more than athletes? What is that organization that you founded?
Speaker 3:So I got the more than athletes was. I had coached so often so many kids and we're playing tournaments every weekend and we're practicing all the time and I just wanted a message that there's things that are more important than sports. Here I am a provider of sports, so more than athletes was really I would do presentations for parents and kids. I wanted to help kids who didn't have all the access to funds that other kids did and I hadn't. We had a very strong clientele that were paying customers, so I was able to use that to help kids who couldn't afford it all the time and struggled. So it was just building an awareness of sports and I won't go on to a big tangent on this, but sports dominate so much of our time we don't even have time to connect with family members. I mean, we're playing tournaments every week and we're practicing too, we're going to workouts. I mean, youth sports is a business and it's a big business and there's beautiful things about it, but it also takes away from family time, it takes away from church, it takes away from just things I think that are important. So I, I I used that platform to try to get different messages across in that regard.
Speaker 3:Um, and I, I wasn't as successful as I wanted to. I, I, I didn't have the, the resources or the time to do all that I wanted to, but I did it for five years and I'm, you know, proud of it and made some great relationships along the way. And you know, um, I just ultimately, I was just a coach, coaching Like I mean I'm not kidding you some weekends, 18 games a weekend, like ridiculous amounts of games and practice, and so I was just a coach whore and I and I was I needed it got too much.
Speaker 2:Oh, I get it, man, Two players, both in travel soccer, and so I mean when you said it becomes its own entity. You miss family time, you miss vacation, Especially, you know, unless you have twins playing on the same team, two different ages, different cities, one has to go to and the other and you can't miss an important game or tournament by spending time with your family. Are you insane to actually want to connect and spend time with your kids? And people don't understand that. You know the brainwashing and all that. The manipulation is a business. It is the club's, owned by people that want to make a profit.
Speaker 3:Right, no, and that's. And my daughter played competitive soccer and I'm a little. I'm familiar with that and and soccer is a very well-run bureaucracy, but it's still about the 10 months out of the year you're going to do indoor. These are the you're. You're paying for this whether you like it or not. So then there's a pressure of what we got to do it, we're paying for it, even though you would prefer to say I think eight out of 12 months is okay, but you're paying for 10, or because they have the coaching fees and they, so it's, it's. And then you're like well, you still?
Speaker 2:have to pay for the hotel, for the coach and and the expenses right, oh yeah, I mean yeah and and uh. The team manager and all the parents are going to guilt you in saying that you don't want to win. You're very selfish and you're taking away from your kid. Your kid can be the next Mia Hand. Your kid can be the next. Your kid can be the next. You know holiday. What are you doing? You know and you're stifling their growth.
Speaker 3:Yeah, even just this. You know college scholarship, that they have a lot available and I mean it's, it's. You know college is 50 000 but we'll give you a thousand. So you got a scholarship. You know exactly it's a racket, and so you know, talking to parents, it's just well. Just there's some important things that are happening. Your kids first date Don't miss out on the important things. For a practice like like make certain stands, like hey is this Sunday, we're doing this or this, you know, and. But it's tough because the kid may not always want to do it and you know, I don't know there takes an inner strength to say you know, family time is first, even over the sport, that we're paying $2,000 a year for.
Speaker 2:That's your, your talk and common sense here. When it comes to organizations, aau travel talker, you're speaking like in tongues or you're speaking some foreign crazy language that nobody can understand.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I've never spoken in tongues on a podcast before.
Speaker 2:No, no, Ben, your mission. Why do you want the million men to? Well, I mean, I know why you want it, it's common sense. But why do we all have to discover that masculine side of us? And one million.
Speaker 3:The people we love depend on it number one. So the women that we love that we need, needs this out of us and it's going to look different for different man, but it's, but it's there and the the strength and longevity of our marriages and relationships are dependent upon how we show up, and there's so many mixed messages on how many show up and so we have to get it out there and even, like you said, it's controversial Even 10 years ago. Some of it is, but when you study and you analyze and you talk to people, it's real this stuff. If I were to say that you doing your laundry is a woman's job, let's say you're doing your laundry in your house, well, that's a woman's job. When you talk about masculine and feminine people go to laundry, to laundry and dishes has nothing to do with tasks. This isn't about who does what tasks. It's not about you know, man work, women do the house. It's. It's nothing to do with that, but it is about how you, how she can trust you and how you lead and how you guide and your integrity. That's.
Speaker 3:That is all lumped into masculinity and it's and it's different than a female. It's not a female, doesn't? It's not that she doesn't need integrity or whatever. I don't. I don't need a female to show up for me in that way at all. As a matter of fact, it's repulsive. If she does, I need her to, um, I, I need her feminine, her divine feminine. That's what I need. I need her to, to show her heart, to be vulnerable, to show me what she needs for me to, to show me your heart and let me step in and and fill the gap. And I think men need this message and that's why I, that's why I'm. I think everything starts with men for fan, for for our society, um, and again, that's not negating anything. It, we're all equal, it's not. It's not about any of that, but everything rests on that, in my opinion. So I, I, why not focus some attention on my life and try to help people in that, and that's that's kind of what I've just decided well, also to help people.
Speaker 2:I mean you want people to to be able to connect. Connecting is the more you can connect with someone else. I mean everybody is in sales. I know the non, you know the person that hates quote. Unquote sales really means I can't connect with people because we're all trying to sell something Right.
Speaker 3:No, that's. I mean, that is a. That is actually a super interesting Um. So many of so many of our, our whole entire lives are based upon our jobs on connecting. So then you asked a question how does, uh, how, how do men and women want to connect with each other? That, I mean, this is, um, I mean, these are the questions like, and I think the answers do rest in polarity. It's not just as simple, as we're two human beings and you have your needs and I have mine, and we'll figure that out along the way. Of course, some of that's true, but there's so much more to the story. Inside our DNA, a graphic but accurate answer is that men and women are born with different body parts. Men and women have sex, have babies, and that's not an accident. How all that stuff happens. I know you already know this, omar, but I just thought I'd let you know just in case. Well, I'm not a biologist so I can't really answer either.
Speaker 3:Or Well, the DNA of our brains and our mentality and how we show up and what we need is also as different as a male and female's body and the study of that and understanding that is freedom. When you start to grapple some of these concepts, In my opinion I do.
Speaker 2:I believe that so, but in general, should a boss communicate his message different towards a male or female?
Speaker 3:boss? I don't think so. I mean I think that I mean there's some thought out there that people believe that, that you know, women can be in their feminine, even in their job. But there's many women that are running the companies, there's women that are in charge, so they're going to be in their masculine and different place and that's all okay. I would say the workplace would be different. So I don't necessarily. I'm more meaning in a relationship.
Speaker 2:In relationships, personal relationships, male and female, your spouse, your girlfriend, your significant other male boss, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3:Understanding the psyche of men and women and most of us do to an extent can make them even a more effective leader. Knowing some of these things, but generally it's going to be basic things like respect, communication. You know it's not going to be that polarity because you're not having, you know you're not in a relationship with them.
Speaker 2:A successful leader, though, does know how to get through, because you're dealing with different personalities. Even if you had a company that was all female or all male, you still would need the right person, the leader, and not the boss, because the boss is usually some dipshit and has a revolving door.
Speaker 2:But you know, a leader knows how to connect and knows how so if, if that woman, you know is you know, or she's completely closes off, or that male, if you speak to them in a certain tone or if you're condescending, you know some people are, you know, when it comes to sarcasm, you know they, they turn the other, you know they shut down completely, well, the leader would understand that. Well, you know the boss it's like you know it's my way, or the highway, let's call them all. You know, all the men, ladies and you know do stupid shit like that.
Speaker 3:I, when I, when I speak at conferences on just the topic of connection, you know the gender elements are, are I don't, I don't go there with that, I don't, I don't get into that because there's just so many different roles it it is. It does kind of come back to the core components of connection, where you know I, how you show up, how you actually care about these people and and what you want to, how you want to delve into into people's lives and very wow, yeah, to actually care.
Speaker 3:But but to care you do need to connect yes, well, yeah, if you connect, it usually happens because hopefully unless there's ulterior motives hopefully it's because you do care. Um, you know people can kind of sniff out fakeness. So I think if you legitimately care and you know about your employees or whomever you know, you've got a. So I think if you legitimately care and you know about your employees or whomever you know, you've got a much better chance. If you spend the time to have meaningful connections. That's not even getting into the dating part of the conversations, which is a whole other whole other topic.
Speaker 2:The bandkeed show. So talk to me about it. How often is it air?
Speaker 3:so talk to me about it. How often is it air? Uh, once a week. I started it actually almost a year ago, a year ago this month, and I'm on about the 50th episode, so I just I tried to put out one a week congratulations, happy birthday thank you, yeah, yeah baby it was a, it was a little bucket list.
Speaker 3:I thought about doing 10 episodes and I've just kind of kept pushing through and, you know, gotten some exciting feedback and it's just something now that I do and it's just part of my routine. There's, you know, a lot of learning, as you know so much learning, but then just meeting people and being able to, you know, try to, you know, connect, help people in whatever way possible and I learn from other people and especially I've learned from, you know, guests I've had on the show and their own experiences. So it's exciting. You know. It is, in essence, what we've been talking about on this episode.
Speaker 2:And it's positivity. You know it's so much crap and so much bullshit and you know it's just mounting more, yeah right. And you know so much noise, white noise and there's so many podcasts that at you, you have a. You have a positive one. You want people to have a positive outlook on their life, whether it's you you know, young adults, teenagers, parents, couples I mean that's being in service is you, you want to see positive change, you want to create positive change, because you know everybody wants change. But you have to start small. You have to start with the community. You can't just, you know, you have to walk the walk and talk the talk, and that's something that that you're actually doing.
Speaker 3:Well, thank you, I do love it, and I think that the one thing I've tried to keep in mind is, you know, trying to provide a, maybe a perspective that someone hasn't thought about or somebody is afraid to say. So I like getting into some controversial stuff. I don't mind talking about things that are a little you know, because it's me and it's my show and I got my name on it. So you know, and you know, I'm not right about everything I say and people disagree, and great, Like I'm not. I'm not offended by anyone who disagrees. As a matter of fact, I'd much rather have a conversation with 10 people who think I'm a ridiculous person Like that. That sounds fun to me.
Speaker 2:Well, we have microphones. That's why you know, when you're like, wow, we just jumped into it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Why you just don't when you're like wow, we just jumped into it, yeah, yeah, why not man?
Speaker 2:rip off the band-aid right. No, to create change or to have people listen, sometimes you have to hit them over the head with a hammer. You can't just be like, you know, you can't do the mr rogers approach and then go, you know, let let's pussyfoot through everything. And then, you know, one day, when you become my friend, you know, then maybe, maybe we can do some change right, yeah, yeah, no, not, not, not my style.
Speaker 3:I uh, when I was, when I was a teacher and we would have debates, we would debate topics that that were, you know, taboo to talk about, and I told the kids at the beginning it's not about who's right or wrong, it's like let's just do this and be respectful, and I can disagree with the person across from me and why. I can still buy you a beer. Well, not them a beer. They're 17-year-old kids, 17 year old kids. But you get the point. We, we don't have to be so tied to our beliefs that we, you know get are so arrogant to you know. Well, I'm not even going to listen to what you say. I just I despise that, despise it.
Speaker 2:Well, you could have bought them. You could have been a real cool teacher and just met them at the convenience store and bought them, right yeah, I, I uh.
Speaker 3:When I see, when I talk to them on facebook sometimes and maybe someone's disagreeing with something, I said I was like look, you know, I'll buy you a coke or a beer whenever you want, but this is. This is over facebook. Now we're getting too deep here. This needs to be a conversation. So you want me to buy a beer? We can meet at wherever you want.
Speaker 2:Now they're all in their 30s and 20s and all that Mind flies right, some of my original employees are getting ready to hit 40, and they used to bust my balls because, oh my gosh, their boss. When I first became an entrepreneur, I was 30, and they would be like, oh, how's 30? And all this bullshit. And now I was 30 and they would be like, oh, how's 30, how you know, and all this bullshit. And now you know, I was a leader, I wasn't a boss, so I have many relationships with them. So I asked them so how's you know what's it like being almost 40? That's, that's gotta suck. That's crazy. So, ben, timeline the year's 2034. Okay, what does the world look like? What does the world look like after you've accomplished your goal?
Speaker 3:the world. Well, it starts with men, so, so, men are empowered to be in relationships for the right reasons and to lead in ways that women need. And most of the time divorces happen it's because we're just 10% off. A few little changes can make all the difference in a relationship. So, 2034, um, fewer divorces, women satisfied and confident. And their husband they look up to him, they respect him, they revere him and he cherishes her, adores her and and takes care of her. That's, that's the give and take, that's the. That's the give and take, that's the, that's the, in essence. And children then, by the way, over the next 10 years, see these dynamics being played out in the home and model and we start to turn this trend.
Speaker 3:Or, and when, we don't even have to use the word toxic masculine. There's toxic people, um, but the masculine, feminine element are beautiful and we don't want to put. You know, it's like what, like what, like mansplaining, right, it's like, well, I've been, I've been women's plane, quite a bit honestly. So how about we just say people that try to control boss talk. Why do we have to put the word man in front? Because there's why. Why are all the sitcoms you know, dopey little men, that women run the household. All these women in these sitcoms are in their masculine and the man's just a kind little dope. Well, you know, it's it's about turning that trend, and I don't and, and and it's. It's that part of it I think is bad for families and leads to problems well, yeah, because you see, you see men.
Speaker 2:You see them as incompetent, as dopes, or like the women that are like oh, I really don't have two children I'm raising oh, I'm out the door.
Speaker 3:I'm out the door before she can finish that sentence. I can promise you that, like I, I can promise you that, and I've already forgot her name by the time I start my car, that's such bullshit Talk about you know, to me that's crap, man.
Speaker 2:But when anybody says that I mean well, I feel like throwing it back to that woman and going well then, whose fault is that? Clearly clearly, you must really suck if that's the only person that you yeah, so I yeah.
Speaker 3:So I say it's my fault for being with you, so I'm going to take ownership of this, but I'm out. I'm out of the door. It's mothering. So there's there's women mother their kids. That's what they should do, and many women are wonderful at it.
Speaker 3:But women, I don't need a mother. I don't need a woman mothering and monitoring my existence if I'm doing this right or doing that right, or if I'm stupid about this or whatever. I'm going to be stupid about things, I'm going to make mistakes, but I'm so much more than those things. So just recognize what I am and and and understand that your job is to show me your heart, how you feel, and let me let me enter that vulnerability for you. What I don't need is condescending negativity and and I'm not going to be reprimanded by you, by you, like I'm just, I don't need in a relationship. There doesn't need to be a bunch of arguments there in in polarity.
Speaker 3:Um, there's such a beautiful give and take where he listens, loves and and and wants her emotional self and and and she reveres and respects and so it's tough to get to because we're, we're just not there right now, in 2024 and in so many capacities. But there's a move. This is a movement. This is definitely going on. It's more way more than me. I've learned from some amazing people and I'm still learning, um learning. So much though I want to be a part of the engine that gets this information out there to people, because I think it's important, but I don't need a mother Well, here.
Speaker 2:How do we, how do people find you, how do people learn about connecting, yeah, others, how do people find you just to hire you to be a keynote speaker, and how do they find your podcast?
Speaker 3:so the name, I'll have it back there, but the name of you know the ben keats show, so my website is ben keats speaks. So that is um. You know where they can find all of my coaching, my keynotes, um podcast information. Uh, of course, I'm all over social media. You know TikTok, instagram, just under the Ben Keats Show, so you can search any social media Ben Keats Show and find me, or the website, which is Ben Keats Speaks. And yeah, just got to spell it right. It probably, and it'll turn up.
Speaker 2:Something tells me it'll be in the notes too. Yeah, OK, there's that technology.
Speaker 3:That's a nice that's a good little additive, correct?
Speaker 2:I've got two questions for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:One is what, what words of wisdom do you have towards the person that it's just can't connect, never deeply connected with anybody, with their everything's just been superficial?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Loved ones, wife, girlfriend, whatnot and I know you're all about finding that deeper connection, right, you have to tell that person.
Speaker 3:Connection starts with vulnerability, and vulnerability is a risk and sometimes we get burned and sometimes we don't trust, and I. But you have to have it. You know you have to, um, you have to show yourself. You have to show something more than what your favorite baseball team is or you know how you like your steak cooked. So you know there's there are a lot of lonely people. There are a lot. I think we all are in dire need of connection. But you know, you just got to meet me and a buddy went out for a beer the other day and he was like you should invite this guy. He was a high school friend. We're Facebook friends. We've never even seen this guy since high school. We randomly sent him a message. An hour later he's up there. He's like man, I had the time of my life Effort, ask, reach out, do those old school things and then just show a little bit of yourself and I think good things happen. Then, even when we get burned, just got to shrug off some of that stuff.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you can't let that paralyze your life. So, yeah, my final question to you is what do you have to tell the person that hating on masculinity loves the netflix shows that love loves, to use words, it's like mansplaining, right, and you know it's a whole new world, baby, right, come on, come on, ben, enough with the labels. We don't need, we don't need all that jive, right, right. What do you have to tell them?
Speaker 3:I love those conversations, and those conversations just simply start with going through how men because I can speak for myself in these situations how we operate and tick what we need and why we're different, what I need at my core to provide for you. I want to be a provider, I want to be, I want you, I want to succeed at that, I want to succeed in taking care of you. And this isn't something that's been passed down from religion, this isn't something that's been passed down, you know, through culture. It's, it's something in us as men and and I would just engage in kind of that conversation and, uh, you know, um, they're usually what they do is they'll take it back to well, yeah, well, that's women too, They'll. I say one thing they're going to say well, that's women too, or that's me, you know. So you just like, well, I think it is a little bit different. And here's here's why I think it's a little different for women, and the women that I talk to and see, um, they'd like him to plan the date, Like they. They, you know, if you do, you think I would ever need a woman.
Speaker 3:I just need a woman to plan a date for me. What? That sounds ridiculous. But women do plan a lot of dates because their men aren't stepping up sometimes. But women do say that Women do want a man to care about them enough to initiate. I don't need a woman to initiate, I don't need her. I'm not with her for that. I don't need her gifts, I don't need those. There's things I need, and it's not to lead me, it's not to take care of me. That's what a mom does for her son. So yeah, it's good. I love the conversations and I get them because I say things sometimes, so I'm sure you do.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, Ben, you know, man, I can talk to you.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Talk about connecting. You know what? I can't wait, though, to see 2034. I can't wait to see the positive change they, the finished product, what you're out there, what you're trying to do not trying, but you will do. Yeah, we'll accomplish, but you will do and it will accomplish. The world will be a better place, and you know what? Thank you for your time, thank you for the hour, and it was actually, it was a gift. It was a gift to learn a lot from you.
Speaker 3:Thank you, it does mean a lot. I appreciate that and I had a blast talking with you.
Speaker 1:And yeah, it means a lot to be here, so I appreciate that. What if you took action and made it happen and started living inside of your purpose? What if you did work? Right now, you can make the choice to never listen to that negative voice, no more. The hardest prison to escape is our own mind. I was trapped inside that prison all for a long time. To make it happen, you gotta take action. Just imagine what if it did work.